dreamlikenewyork

Who: Gen Hart-Campbell and Alexis Harrington
What: Mom Partners-in-Crime
Where: Sydney, Australia
When: After this

Gen pulled up in the driveway of the Campbell home and shut off the engine. She wrapped her hands around the steering wheel and closed her eyes, exhaling heavily as she let her head hang and her shoulders slump. This brief moment between leaving the hospital and coming back here to freshen up, she needed to pause and just breathe for a bit. Everything that just happened with Mark that pushed Justin into a psychotic episode, on the back of all they were already trying to deal with, it just wasn’t possible to keep up with the emotional juggling act anymore. She had done all the crying. All the fear, frustration, anger. It wasn’t sustainable. At some point, you had to remember to let go of what you had no control over so you could keep your head in a game that seemed to have no ending in sight.

Being a wife and mother were two of the most important things in her life and she had been far from perfect at it and had fucked it up more than she cared to admit. Yet, they made it over those hurdles, but the blows kept coming. She knew Justin was safe where he was, even if it was heart-wrenching seeing him in a closed psych unit for his own safety. That part of being a mom never got easier. In fact, she was pretty sure it got harder each and every time. There had also been a couple of moments in the past where Mark’s health took a dive and they came close to losing him with the weakness in his heart. But this? This was a terror she wasn’t sure she had felt in her marriage before. She had a suicidal son and a suicidal husband, the latter who was in the grips of a gruelling alcohol addiction relapse and mental health crisis. The former’s life was falling apart quicker than he could catch his breath and Gen felt so fucking helpless and useless with all of it.

( Yet, still. What she knew was that she had to persist... )

LOG, COMPLETE

agentcampbell

Who: James Campbell and Ava Marcus
What: "I won't tell a soul, no one has to know..."
Where: Sydney, Australia
When: After this

Ava hadn’t been sure if she and James would end up going all the way, but going all the way they did. In fact, he managed to get her all the way three times in a row and it had been years since she managed a multiple orgasm. In the post-coital aftermath before either of them had a chance to catch their breath, let alone process what just happened, James’ phone rang with an incoming call from Sam, so James apologised to her for needing to answer, making a point of telling her in any other situation, he would’ve let it go to voicemail.

He stayed in her bed amongst the nest of ruffled sheets while he took the call and didn’t seem to mind she was still there beside him hearing at least his side of the conversation. Still gloriously naked, he was lying on his side as he spoke with Sam and the sheets were only draped over his legs, giving Ava a prime view of his bare arse. She couldn’t help it if she took full advantage of that, admiring the view and taking in the tattoos he had above his left shoulder blade and on his right buttcheek. The one on his shoulder was the American and Australian flags crossed, and the one on his bum was the stoned turtle from Finding Nemo, which made her smile and nearly laugh when she saw it. It made her wonder if he had others she had been too distracted by his various talented body parts to notice earlier.

( The call ended and James reached over to put his phone back on the bedside table... )

LOG, COMPLETE

aussielawyer

Who: Mark and Sam Campbell
What: Chain Reaction
Where: Sydney, Australia
When: After this

By the time Mark managed to wake up with more lucidity to comprehend what was going on, Sam was nearly falling asleep sitting at his bedside in the hospital. The lights in the room were dimmed and Sam had his elbow resting on the edge of the mattress with his head propped up on his hand but he was struggling to keep his eyes open. He watched as his twin managed some slow and groggy blinks as he tried to get his bearings.

“Sammy…” Mark croaked and tried to clear his throat, becoming aware he had an oxygen mask on and he was definitely in a hospital bed. He hadn’t hallucinated that some shit had gone down. The last thing he really had a clear memory of was being with Justin in the rehab gym and beginning to feel really sick with pains in his chest, then not much of anything else but a suffocating sense of foreboding.

( Sam offered a faint smile but he was just too bloody wiped out to manage much else, though there was a rush of relief that flooded through him seeing Mark was awake and finally aware of his surroundings... )

LOG, COMPLETE

breakablehearts

Who: Sam Campbell and Alexis Harrington (with Justin Campbell)
What: Treading Water
Where: Sydney, Australia
When: After this

Sam murmured a thank you to the nurse who admitted him into the secured acute mental health unit and followed her down the long corridor she was leading him to the wing she said Justin had been admitted to. It didn’t have the overbearing bleakness people might assume was stereotypical of a ‘closed’ or locked mental health ward. It looked just like the other units in this hospital, which was state of the art in every sense. It just didn’t have the same hustle and bustle as other inpatient units. Visitation would be limited to likely only a couple of people at a time and shorter visiting hours. This was outwith those hours, so that would be contributing to comings and goings in the corridor to staff and patients. Even then, patients would likely be restricted to where they could go. They had been given an exception because technically, it wasn’t a normal visit because Justin was sedated and his room would be locked until he was awake and they could assess the risk of harm to himself and others. The visiting leeway to a handful of authorised family members was there today because they were waiting to see if Justin had caused himself damage while he was psychotic and re-injured himself physically or internally, potentially setting back the progress he had made with his rehabilitation.

Spotting Alexis leaning into the wall outside the room the nurse guided him to, he came up beside her, putting his hand softly on her back so he didn’t startle her. “How are you holding up, sweetheart?” he asked, following her gaze through the large observation window to where Justin was unconscious, unmoving in the bed by the window. The depressing and dreary view was a grey wall of the neighbouring building and the room seemed cold and bare. It was never easy to see the poor kid like this. It would never get easier either.

( Alexis blinked out of the numb haze she had been lost in, taking Sam’s hand... )

LOG, COMPLETE

inkandleather

Who: Jace Hartley, Evan Turner, Merlin Blake, Brandon Blake, and Miles Morrison (with Jesse Hartley)
What: Sickness and Health
Where: Mount Sinai, New York
When: After this

"Why aren't they telling us anything?! This is fucking ridiculous!" Jace snapped to his big brother, Evan. He really wasn't meaning to be an asshole about this but ever since Brandon called to tell him Jesse just had a seizure while he was visiting Merlin, he had been stressing out and panicking.

Once Jesse admitted he was having a rough time and not feeling himself from compassion fatigue, Jace had been worried about him. They nearly ended up having a fight and he hated that because they rarely argued. Stress was probably one of the biggest triggers for both of them with epileptic seizures, so he had been trying to watch him closely while trying no to get up in his face too much about it. Jesse was taking some off work and had slept a lot in the past couple of days, which Jace took as a good sign because his husband definitely needed rest. But Jesse had also agreed to chat with the guy who showed up as Merlin's biological father so Merlin had a buffer about his intentions before he met him in person himself. Jesse had gone over to Merlin and Brandon's place to see how Merlin was and update him on everything with Cillian.

Jesse seemed mostly just okay-ish that morning. He didn't have any appetite for breakfast and weary despite getting a decent sleep last night. But he was flat and more quiet than usual. Jace felt bad now for not enquiring if Jesse was feeling okay. The only thing was, Jesse didn't rally get warning signs of seizures coming. They just hit and they were terrifying. Now Jesse had been brought to hospital by ambulance, where Jace said he and Evan would meet them. But the place was chaotic and the receptionist had disappeared after checking the computer to see if Jesse had arrived. Jace felt like he was about to jump out of his skin, his anxiety levels were through the roof. Why the hell couldn't someone just fucking tell them Jesse arrived safely?

exmilitarymedic

Who: Ava Marcus and James Campbell
What: Old Faces, New Beginnings
Where: Ava's Place, Sydney, Australia
When: After this

“How’s that BSL looking?” Ava brought a plate of multigrain toast with smashed avo and a mug of tea over to where James was sitting on her sofa with his insulin kit open on his lap. She gave him a soft smile. “Think you’re up to trying to eat a little something now? Protein, good fat, some carbs. I can’t have another Campbell in one of our hospital beds on my conscience.”

It had definitely culminated in being a day from hell, to say the least, with a terrible outcome. They wouldn’t ultimately know the cause of Mark’s crash until he was awake and could tell them what happened, and even then, it may have seriously taxed his heart. It was too soon to know and they likely wouldn’t have more answers until morning, when the effects of the Antabuse would be reversing. Then there was the heartbreaking reality of how Justin responded seeing his dad crash like that. Since he had been admitted, they had done absolutely every possibly thing they could to stop him ending up in the acute mental health unit and in a blink, that was undone. With that too, they wouldn’t ease him off sedation until the next day when the psychs would assess his psychosis. From what Sam and Gen had reported, it could be 50/50 on how it went. With medication intervention, they could get him out of it quickly or he might get locked in it for days or weeks to come. As long as he was psychotic, they had to assume he was a suicide risk and they wouldn’t move him from the acute ward for his own safety but the longer he was in there, the higher risk to his long-term prognosis. It was a mess and all they could do was wait for answers.

( Ava wasn’t surprised James probably forgot to eat or maybe even forgot a dose of his insulin while his family was in crisis... )

LOG, COMPLETE

lifeguardoflove

Who: Kade King and Alec Campbell
What: Shitstorm of Family Matters
Where: Sydney, AU
When: After this

Kade poured the bottle of chilled spring water from he mini bar fridge into a glass. He set it down on the nightstand by the sprawling king sized bed and collected the stainless steel bin from the bathroom, bringing it through and placing it on the floor by the bed with a mumbled sigh of, "Don't know what the fuck I'm even doing..."

Against his better judgement and the practical little voice in his head telling him not to, once Alec finished barfing up everything he had eaten in a week in hospital carpark, Kade suggested to Alec they fork out for a room in the hotel nextdoor to the hospital so Alec could lie down and try to sleep off the hangover for a couple of hours so he could get his head back in the game for his family. Kade planned to just leave him there in his own misery but both Sam and Ava's pointed words to both of them to sort their shit out was swirling around his head. Plus, no matter how pissed off he was, his conscience wouldn't let him leave Alec while he was feeling this rough.

Alec was lying on the bed where he gingerly sunk himself onto as soon as Kade opened the door to the room with the swipe card. Kade went back to the bathroom and wet one of the face cloths, coming back and handing it to Alec. Then he sat on the side of the bed, swiping a hand over his face. The anger had dissipated inside him and now he wasn't even sure what he was feeling, let alone what he should be feeling. Whatever it was, it was hard not to feel like it was the end of a very long road, one that he had encountered nothing but dead-ends on lately. He really thought he was done. There had been a glimmer of hope after they slept together in the midst of trying to talk their shit out after he came to the hospital to offer the Campbells his support, but yet again, Alec gave nothing. Kade was sick to fucking death of nothing.

circlesofthemind

Who: Alec Campbell, James Campbell, Sam Campbell, Ava Marcus, Kade King, Reecy Chester-Wilson, Kyan Wilson, (side order of Mark Campbell, Gen Hart-Campbell, Justin Campbell, and Shea Lancaster)
What: Family Emergency
Where: Sydney, Australia
When: After this

Apparently, Alec chose the absolute worst time to catch up with a few old RAAF mates and go out for a few drinks at Darling Harbour the night before. It had been a couple of years since so many of them had the chance to get together in person, so of course a ‘few drinks’ turned into a lot of drinks. Alec had no recollection of leaving the bar, let alone recollection of checking into a hotel where he awoke late that morning with a raging hangover and the very naked brother of one of his RAAF mates in the bed beside him.

He had been in the middle of hangover misery trying to ralph up a vital organ in the hotel room bathroom when the urgent text about Mark came from his father. He had a 30 second cold shower to try to drown away the hangover before he grabbed an uber to rush to the hospital, feeling like a piece of shit for getting into this mess when things were so precarious for his family. It really wasn’t like him, but it had been Mark himself who had told Alec to go for the night out with his mates because life had to keep plugging on somehow and he didn’t get the chance to see his old pals often.

( It was only in a mad dash from the car park that he realised he had put his t-shirt on inside out and the sleeve of his blazer he had pulled on hastily had something that looked suspiciously like vomit on the sleeve and smelled dodgy... )

LOG, COMPLETE

signofthetimes

Things have been a bit shit of late. He's sleeping a lot but relieved to have him home resting in our own bed

slowsouthernstyle

Who: Jesse Hartley and Merlin Blake, with Brandon Blake a bit later
What: Much to talk about
Where: Merlin and Brandon's Home, Upper East Side, NYC
When: Day after this and this

Today, Jesse didn't really worry about keeping up appearances. After his long chat with Jace in the wake of him meeting Merlin's biological father, Cillian, he was tired and realised he was feeling a little burnt out with compassion fatigue. It was something he had to take seriously once he realised that was what he was feeling and part of that was, as Jace gently suggested, not keeping Merlin in the dark about it. It was true, it wouldn't be what Merlin wanted. Jesse was just experiencing some guilt about it because he always wanted to be a strong source of support for the people he loved, unconditionally. The reality of recent conditions, however, was that he had to give himself a little compassion too or he'd end up overtaxed and having a seizure himself. Then he'd be little help to anyone, when they needed him the most. So, there he was, unshaven and dressed right down in a hoodie with his favourite pair of Jace's sweatpants, ready to spend some time with his little brother to go over territory that was going to be hard no matter how he was feeling. He had little sleep the night before, the fatigue still very much biting him in the ass. He planned to go home to bed once he finished with Merlin, something he assured Jace he would do so Jace wasn't extra-worried about him.

As promised, he had come over to see Merlin so he could report how things had gone with Cillian. That was the whole point of him being a buffer, so Cillian had context of the current challenging situation Merlin was in and what the last few weeks had dumped on them all, but also so Merlin could have as much information as he could to help him make the choice of whether he wanted to meet Cillian or not. Nothing about it was simple, especially not the emotions involved. There was a lot he had to tell Merlin about Cillian and he knew Merlin couldn't be anticipating any of it. Cillian was an incredible person and Jesse knew from spending time with him there was no doubt Merlin was his blood. That didn't mean the choice would be easy.

Jesse had a swipe card and the security code to get into Merlin and Brandon's place, but he would never use it unless it was an emergency. When he rang the doorbell, their House Manager, Wendy, answered and after offering Jesse refreshments, she directed him to where Merlin was in the entertainment room watching tv. Hands tucked into the front pocket of his hoodie, Jesse smiled when he came into the entertainment room where Merlin was in his Yoda Oodie with his iPad on his lap, looking half asleep as he watched the massive tv mounted on the wall. "Hey, buddy. How are you feeling? How's the pain? You're looking a little more refreshed than when I last saw you."

signofthetimes

Who: Merlin Blake and Brandon Blake
What: Pseudo-Date Night
Where: Blake Home, Upper East Side, NYC
When: After this and this

It had been a bit of a surreal few days for Brandon and he wasn't too sure how he was supposed to be feeling. He deduced that it should probably be something more able to be put into words but it wasn't and he only became conscious of that when Merlin asked him a very specific question in their DM chat. And because his husband specifically asked him to take the time to think about it before trying to answer, he did. A lot. Not that it was terribly productive and even that made him wonder more what the hell really was supposed to be going on in his mind after being diagnosed with cancer for the second time and being told he was no longer in remission.

All he had come to be feeling about that was a strange numbness. After the initial shock of the news and upset at having to tell the people he loved, this blanket feeling of detachment to it settled over him, like he was resolved to the fact he had to go through the motions - as horrible as they were to think about - yet again. This time, there was no choice but to fight. It was no longer just about him and his life. For him, it was more about Merlin now. Merlin was his life and therefore, he had to fight for his life again, whatever it took. It was what it was. But now Merlin highlighted it, he was wondering if it was a healthy state of mind to be in. With Beau out sick from work, he didn't even have anyone he could ask if this was normal or healthy to be feeling or if he was dangerously deluding himself. But whatever it was, he didn't want it to be all-encompassing at this moment. He and Merlin were going to have a pseudo-date in bed with some quality time together they both very much needed to recalibrate and catch their breath.

So, with Merlin's diet now even further restricted after his surgery and him not really having much of an appetite for any of the recovery staples the dietitian had suggested he have until his insides healed a little more, Brandon picked up a couple of pints of non-dairy Ben & Jerry's KaramelSutra (Merlin's new favourite), a thermos flask of gourmet oat milk peppermint hot chocolate, and a giant bag of Jolly Ranchers, Merlin's favourite candy. He also stopped by Lorenzo's florist and chose a beautiful bouquet of two dozen long-stemmed blue and white roses like they had for their wedding.

He found Merlin propped up in their bed amongst a mound of pillows and fluffy blankets, Ted Lasso on the TV on the wall opposite their bed, and his laptop open on his lap. He was crashed out with his phone on his chest and head lolled to the side like he had fallen asleep mid-text or mid-Twitter scroll or something. Brandon wasn't surprised. Merlin had been sleeping a lot since he was in hospital and Brandon knew all too well that if you slept a lot because you weren't well, it meant your body needed it. He was going to raincheck their pseudo-date and let Merlin sleep, but as soon as he took the remote to turn the TV down, kissing Merlin's forehead softly, Merlin woke up, his sleepy eyes looking around in confusion. Brandon laughed softly. "I was trying not to wake you, sweetheart. You should sleep while the pain's controlled. We can do this any time." Still, he rested his hand on the bed so he could lean over and give Merlin a kiss, smiling. "Hi."

inkandleather

Who: Jace and Jesse Hartley
What: Quality Time
Where: Hartley/Turner/Casey Home, NYC
When: After this

It felt to Jace like it had been days since he had seen his husband. It hadn't, of course. In fact, that evening was the first shift Jesse had been at work all week because he took time off to care for Jace after he had a nasty seizure that really impacting his functioning this time. But to Jace, it felt like a lot longer. Whenever he had seizures like that, he lost all concept of time and slept a lot while his body and brain recovered. He had vague recollection of Jesse's presence but it wasn't like a usual consciousness of spending time with someone. It was patchy and could even be inaccurate recollections. Jesse had left for his shift that morning before Jace was awake and he was really missing him. Jace knew some things had happened while he was out of it and he wanted to talk to Jesse about them, make sure he was okay.

Jace couldn't believe how boring the tv show he chose to watch while he worked on some designs on his sketchpad was. It could just be because his attention span was skewed with his head still a little hazy or because he was watching alone but it definitely wasn't entertaining him like he hoped it would. He was just about to switch to something different when he heard the front door open and close up the hall, and a few moments later, Jesse appeared. Jace broke into a grin. "You're home! I missed you, baby. Did you finish early or am I messing my times up again?"

daysgonequiet

Who: Justin Campbell and Shea Lancaster (with Mark Campbell later)
What: Unexpected Bonding
Where: Sydney, Australia
When: After this and this

It had been a rollercoaster week. Or rollercoaster month. Oh fuck it, Justin had to concede his whole life was a constant rollercoaster and all too frequently, left him with a churning gut and a desperation to just get the hell off. Not that the latter was a secret. It was why he struggled with the label of ‘survivor’. A lot of the time, he didn’t feel like he had survived anything. He had made it through a lot of shit because he had so many people who loved him and kept pulling him back from the brink but that brink wasn’t something he saw as ‘survivable’. More just treading water until his head sunk back below the surface to it again.

One small added silver lining of Sash coming out of the coma and waking up when he did was that it timed with Justin’s physiotherapy team wanting to start working on exercises that would first get him up on his feet with partial weight-bearing, then standing, and ultimately walking again. The orthos were happy with how fractures in his pelvis and sacrum were healing and he was now far enough post-accident to begin the process, though the process itself would take a lot of blood, sweat, and tears, no doubt. None of which Justin was foreign to in bucket loads lately. The physio had given him a way of compartmentalising the mess in his head because of the pain he felt doing the work. Physical pain was preferable to emotional and mental pain, no competition. He had been working extra on his upper body strength while he was immobilized from the waist down until he healed enough to be able to start weight-bearing again. Even the upper body strengthening had caused him pain in the first few weeks because he had the surgery to his spleen and bladder. He had to focus on core strengthening first. With all that, he didn’t let himself dwell on the chance he might not recover enough lower-body strength in his hips and lower back to dance again. If he let himself go there, he was sure the darkness would swallow him whole.

( Once again back in the hospital’s physio gym, Justin sat on the side of the Pilates reformer bed after finishing the upper body program his physio had advanced him to a few days earlier... )

LOG, COMPLETE

magicmoments

Who: Merlin Blake and Cassidy Cohen
What: BFF D&M
Where: Casa de Blake, Upper East Side, NYC
When: After this chat

Merlin wasn't really sure what the difference between night and day was right now. He was glad to be out of hospital and home in his own bed with Brandon close on hand if he needed anything, but after his operation, he was so tired and had mostly slept the last couple of days away. Even when he was awake, he was sleepy and kept dozing off. Not quite in the middle of conversations, but not far off it. Brandon kept reminding him that it was okay to sleep if he needed to. It was the body's way of recovering and if there was anything Brandon was an expert in now, it was being a sick person and doing his best to recover while his body had other ideas.

He loved chatting with Cassidy online and when he heard she wasn't far of needing to fly to Australia with Tori for what was frankly an awful reason to do with Sash, Merlin wanted to see her before she left. He had two massive bombs dropped on him in recent days and he didn't want her to find out anything like that secondhand. Since they decided to call it quits on dating and remain friends, they had been as close as ever. Besides Wes, Cas was Merlin's closest friend and they pretty much told each other everything. Their stars hadn't aligned for them dating, with Merlin's shock of finding out he was adopted and Cas juggling a huge upheaval in her life heading into her gender affirmation surgery. It was too much emotional stress to tackle and still focus on dating. But they had both eventually went on to fall in love in the most unexpected ways with their perfect matches, so maybe everything really did happen for a reason.

He didn't even realise he had dozed off again until Cas was there, gently giving his knee a little shake. He told her to come any time and if he was sleeping, just wake him up. Catching up with her before she flew out to Sydney was way more important. He blinked, stretching as he gave her a sleepy smile. "Hey, honeybunch. What time is it? Jeez, I didn't even realise I fell asleep again."

signofthetimes

Who: Brandon Blake and Merlin Blake with Autumn MacDonald, Montana Everitt, and Olympia Duvall
What: More Difficult Conversations
Where: Blake Residence, NYC
When: Simultaneous to this

Merlin squeezed Brandon’s arm and stopped walking, biting his lip and taking some deep breaths to try to breathe through the pain in his stomach. “Hold on, darlin’. Wait.” They were making their way slowly through the lobby of their apartment building after Brandon had given his keys to the valet to take his car to the parking garage. Merlin was significantly out of place in the luxury marble-floored, marble-columned, leather-sofa’ed lobby in his well-loved Baby Yoda pyjama pants, black Ugg boots, and fluffy blue hoodie bathrobe. He had been too uncomfortable with the post-surgery pain that changing out of his PJs into clothes just for the short trip home was silly, especially when he was just going home to bed anyway.

Brandon was holding Merlin securely around his waist, making sure not to squeeze him too tightly. He had Merlin’s backpack slung over his shoulder and a couple of sick bags stashed in the pocket of his leather jacket that Miles had given him ‘just in case’ for the trip home. Overall, Merlin was doing really well since his op but there was still inevitable pain and some nausea here and there considering the sort of operation it was. Mile said patients who had had abdominal surgery could feel sick again when they moved around a bit more to go home, so it was better to be prepared than be caught short if it happened. They were assured it would all settle down in the coming days and he would probably feel much better being home in his own bed to rest anyway. “It’s okay. Just rest if you need to. We can take it as slow as you need. Do you want to sit for a minute?”

“No, I’m okay. I just wanna keep going so I can go to bed. It’s just hurting to move.” Merlin took a few more moments to rest before he started shuffling forward again, walking much like a geriatric on their way to the nursing home’s weekly bingo match. He really had not anticipated how much the surgery he had would hurt, which probably wasn’t a bad thing at the time or he would’ve had a lot more anxiety about the procedure when he was already emotionally overwrought.

( Sure, the laparoscopic surgery was less invasive but he still had six holes in his gut they had used to dig giant probes around in his insides with... )

LOG, COMPLETE

magicmoments

My husband sent me this. I feel attacked. I'm also taking away his Reddit when he's bored.

signofthetimes

Gotta love a good Twitter burn.

likefatherlikeson

Hey, Tor. I have huge favour to ask. Like, beyond huge. And you're probably going to wanna say no and I get that. I really do. But I have to ask you to think about it because there aren't really any other options. Anyway, when you get this can you just shoot me a text back or FaceTime or whatever. Don't worry about the timezones. I'm not exactly sleeping much lately. Tell Cas I said hi. Love you guys. JC x

slowsouthernstyle

Who: Jesse Hartley and Cillian O'Donovan
What: A simple twist of AncestryDNA
Where: Hartley/Turner/Casey Home, NYC
When: After this and this

Jesse finished loading their bed clothes in the washing machine when he heard the doorbell chime and checked his watch for the time. The morning had started out pretty badly and time really got away from him but he wasn't foreign to a bit of chaos from time to time. There was just more than their fair share of it in the family lately. At least Merlin was being discharged from hospital, which was a weight off everyone's mind now he was on the mend.

Then Jace had a seizure when he went to the grocery store with Nana Turner, so Jesse had turned down shifts at work for the rest of the week so he could take care of him for what would inevitably be a few days out of action. Jace slept most of yesterday away but he was really struggling with is functioning, so needed Jesse's help with everything. When he woke up that morning, he was a little more lucid but ended up having an accident in bed when his brain misfired the messages to his body. He was feeling pretty miserable and wanted to go back to bed to sleep once Jesse got everything cleaned up and remade the bed. Jesse gave him a kiss and a cuddle, tucking him in and telling him to just call out if he needed help. Jesse would keep a close eye on him anyway, in case there were any aftershock seizures.

Regardless of that, he still had every intention of keeping his promise to Merlin to reach out to Cillian for a chat. Even if it was just to get a bit more information and clarity around who he was and what intentions he had. He hoped that it helped allay some of Merlin's anxiety about the whole thing and help him make the massive decisions he faced. He spent a lot of time with Merlin the evening before last, asking him what he wanted to know of Cillian and if there was anything he wanted Jesse not to get into. No matter what happened, it was going to be difficult. Jesse knew that, having gone through meeting his own paternal biological family. Luckily for him, that all turned out pretty amazing but he knew it could just have easily gone the other way.

He went to answer the door and as soon as he opened it, couldn't help being surprised to not find someone standing there but sitting... in a wheelchair. There was no doubting it was guy in the photo from AncestryDNA that Merlin had shown them, though, so he smiled and offered his hand. "Cillian? I'm Jesse. It's nice to meet you in person."

slowsouthernstyle

Hey, is this Cillian O'Donovan's number?

beautifulday

Who: Sasha Stanford and Justin Campbell
What: Tiny steps of recovery
Where: Sydney, Australia
When: After this

It took some time for the nurses and a wardsman (who had been helping with various things related to Justin’s care since he had woken from the first surgery here and was always so kind and chatty to him) to get Justin transferred from bed back into the special reclinable wheelchair yet again. It had been a few days since Justin had been in to see Sash and the awful realisation hit that Sash didn’t remember ever meeting him. The same day, Justin started showing symptoms of what turned out to be a kidney infection, a complication resulting from the surgery he had to repair the bladder rupture, one of the multiple serious injuries he sustained in the crash. The catheter he still had and his history of kidney injury from an overdose put him at risk. It was another thing to throw on the shitpile. He wasn’t surprised. Just exhausted and feeling crappy with it. He had turned down the request for Sash’s parents to come talk to him and his dad told them it was probably best to wait until Justin wasn’t feeling so poorly for him to visit Sash again.

But he knew the longer he waited to face it all again, the harder it would be and the more he would struggle to push on. He still had pain in his back and side which was different to what he’d had with the injuries and was chilled from the fever but that morning, when Ava had told him Sash had been saying his name, he agreed to go in to see him. Only after plucking up the courage to ask her if he said his actual name or called him Ren or Bueller again. It should’ve been funny, like a joke. There was nothing funny about it and it terrified him to seek clarification. Ava was so gentle with him and he was glad there was a history between her and his dad because he knew he could trust her. She told him she heard with her own ears that Sash had said ‘Justin’ but it had seemingly been in the context of again wondering if he had imagined him there. Not seeing him again was confusing him when he was already confused neurologically. There was no way Justin could ignore that once he knew.

( The nurse made sure his IV lines weren’t going to tangle on anything when they moved... )

LOG, COMPLETE

musicsavesmysoul

Who: Damien Larson, Jesse Hartley, and Merlin Larson
What: Big Brother Duties
Where: Eleven West Unit, Mount Sinai
When: Couple of days after this

Damien and Jesse both discovered that one thing worse than your little brother being sick and in hospital was waiting for your little brother to have surgery. No matter all the reassurances that Merlin was in the best hands and it was a straightforward procedure, Damien just hated the thought of it. Merlin wasn't good with anaesthetic and he had a really rough few days between when he became really ill and was rushed to the ER and the scheduled surgery to widen the stricture in his gut that caused the bowel blockage. There had been another brief endoscopic procedure a few days earlier, then the had to go through really crappy (no pun intended) prep for the second laparoscopic procedure.

What was worse for Damien was he had to be away from the hospital when it all first happened because Liam had been hit with norovirus, which turned out to be what Damien could only describe as gastro on crack. Even if it only lasted a few days, Liam had been so sick and contagious for the duration. Damien mostly dodged the bullet, though he had a couple of days where his guts were a bit dodgy but it was really mild in comparison. He didn't even throw up, but he couldn't be at the hospital while either of them still had symptoms because they'd still be contagious. Liam returned to work that day, and although he couldn't operate on Merlin being his brother-in-law, he was able to be in the operating theatre and observe the procedure, which was a huge relief for Brandon, Damien, and Jesse. Merlin said he didn't really care if the population of a small country was in the OR, he just desperately wanted his stomach to feel better and the pain to finally ease.

Brandon insisted Merlin be transferred to the super private luxury unit, Eleven West, to be cared for after his surgery and even paid for the private nursing care for him, at least for the first few days. They both really needed their privacy and it meant Brandon could both stay at the hospital with Merlin in the twin room, but also be able to come and go freely without fans spotting him and getting up in his face again.

After the first hour or so after Merlin was taken to surgery, Damien kept grilling Jesse about whether it was taking too long, did it mean something was wrong, what was a normal length of time for that sort of procedure, when would they know if anything went wrong, etc. etc. Luckily, Jesse had the patience of an army of saints and answered every question calmly and didn't care how many Damien wanted to ask. Soon, Liam had come to find them and told them Merlin was in Recovery and it all went well, save for a little bit of a bleed when something was accidentally nicked during the procedure but it was resolved quickly. Brandon was going to let them know when he was transferred to the room and wasn't feeling so rough after waking from the anaesthetic, and in the meantime, Liam explained to Damien what the surgeons did in a way he could understand. Jesse already got it, being a Nurse Practitioner himself.

Jesse arranged for Lorenzo to deliver some flowers to the hospital but when they both got to Merlin's room, they discovered Brandon had - of course - beaten them to the punch there and Merlin had a massive bouquet of what looked to be at least three dozen multicoloured roses with a Get Well balloon and large fluffy teddy bear. Still, Merlin did look pretty rough when they got there and so did Brandon, for that matter.

He came over to the bed, softly rubbing Merlin's knee through the blankets he was cocooned in. "Hey, you two. Too soon for a good fart joke? How you holding up, baby bro?"

signofthetimes

Not sure where you guys went to while you waited but Merlin's feeling a little more human now and asking for you both. If you want to keep him company for a bit, I really need to head home for a shower and change of clothes.

autumnkisses

Just saw your post. Look at you, turning up the sassy gay bitch factor for Pride. Oly told me you told her you'd rather cut one of your balls off than do social media damage control. In fact, she told me you once purposefully caused a social media scandal rather than PR damage control on socials.

signofthetimes

Who: Brandon Blake and Merlin Blake
What: Leukemia v2.0
Where: Mount Sinai, NYC
When: After this

“Bran… Bran? Shit— Bran, you gotta wake up, darlin’. Seriously, wake up!”

Brandon struggled out of a deep sleep hearing his name but abruptly jolted awake with the desperate tapping on his arm, closely followed by a shaking of his shoulder. He peeled his eyes open, squinting against the light that assaulted them and realised it was Merlin trying to wake him up urgently. He must’ve fallen asleep lying on the hospital bed with him after Tara and Beau left without realising, so he was groggy and disoriented for a few moments. “... wha—?”

“The edge of the blanket’s stuck under your butt. I can’t get it off my legs. I need to go to the bathroom, like, now. Seriously, baby. Move. Please? Or this ain’t gonna end well.” With a panicked whimper, Merlin tugged sharply at the blanket to try to release, already awkwardly half out of bed and hanging onto his IV pole to take with him once he was untangled from the blanket and Brandon’s embrace.

“Fuck, sorry. Sorry! I’ll help you.” Brandon disentangled himself from the sheets to shove the blanket off his legs, trying to help Merlin up at the same time. That was when he was rudely reminded he was attached to an IV too and nearly pulled the damn thing out of his hand when the tube caught around Merlin’s elbow. “They said this wouldn’t happen!”

( Now his legs were free, Merlin stiffly shuffled his ass to the edge of the bed, one hand holding the IV pole and the other clutching his stomach... )

LOG, COMPLETE

circlesofthemind

Who: Alec Campbell and Justin Campbell
What: Finding the Balls
Where: Sydney, Australia
When: After this

Alec had gotten pretty good over the years of being able to scrutinise his patients without them realising he was. It was just basic human nature that how a person was, was often the most clear when they didn’t think they were being assessed. When they had to be in the presence of anyone who could or should be analysing them, emotional walls or barriers could reflexively come up. Justin had always been difficult to read sometimes, while others, how he was could be written all over every inch of him. He often didn’t know he was being either, so it wasn’t that he purposefully blocked anyone trying to help him by interacting with him. Alec had learned during their first few interactions after he met him that if Justin wanted to block you out, he didn’t try to hide it. Sometimes, he didn’t want to or couldn’t communicate how someone needed him too or he just didn’t have the energy to engage. That was okay. Alec had all the time in the world for his nephew. The simple fact was, Justin trusted him as a psychiatrist and he was one of the many therapists who had worked with Justin regarding his C-PTSD who Justin trusted with things he had completely stonewalled other therapists on, leading to significant breakthroughs in relation to his traumatic past.

He had been sitting with Justin for close to three hours now. At first, he tried the usual talk therapy techniques to see how receptive he might be to talking about what was going on in his head since Sash had woken up and it became evident he was suffering from post-traumatic amnesia and possibly other neurological deficits that could yet be fully assessed. After that, Justin withdrew right into himself again and had refused to go back in to see Sash again. Or, at least, he had declined the offer any time anyone asked if he wanted to visit with Sash again. It had been days now and Sash had become confused about whether Justin had even been there at all. It was easy to make assumptions as to why he didn’t want to go back but with Justin, assumptions were always a dangerous game. No one knew really what he was thinking or feeling, let alone why.

( Alec had his suspicions but so far, Justin hadn’t been ready to talk about anything... )

LOG, COMPLETE

fabulousfashionista

Hi, darling. Sorry for the late hour, I just thought it was best to give you plenty of notice. I don't think Beau will be able to make it to his shift in the morning.

fabulousfashionista

Who: Beau Watson and Austin Shaw
What: Of Bad News and Bridal Magazines
Where: Beau & Austin's Apartment, NYC
When: After this

When Austin arrived home after a busy day of work, shopping, and trawling through Google still trying to decide on the perfect wedding venue, his arms were laden with bags from various designer clothing boutiques and groceries from Whole Foods to cook a special dinner for Beau when he got home from work later. Although Beau's shifts could be erratic and long, they had found an easy rhythm together again since reuniting and deciding to get remarried. So much had happened during the breakdown of their marriage - towards the end, during, and when they came back into each other's lives - that it wasn't a matter of being able to 'do-over'. They both knew that. It was about restarting, knowing they were both different people now after all they had survived. Still, one thing Austin would never take for granted again was how familiar Beau was and how right he felt with him. They were meant to be. Austin definitely thought soul mate material but Beau had never really believed in that concept. Mostly because he had almost died twice in his short life now that he saw the world in a much more layered way than most. He did agree, though, that at least in this life while he still had one, they belonged together.

Part of Beau's promise to marry him again and the acceptance of his proposal was that this time, he wanted Austin to have his dream wedding. Their last marriage was spur of the moment at City Hall because he struggled back then with the concept of having a future. He thought looking too far ahead would jinx having one at all. It had been perfect for them at the time and Austin never felt he missed anything not having the big white wedding he once dreamed of as a kid. Only now, it made sense to do it differently this time around. Beau didn't want him to have to sacrifice anything for him and since they agreed to that, Austin had been all-in on the wedding planning. It had been a good distraction after news of Justin and Sasha's terrible car crash, which effectively put Austin's contract as the designer of Justin's permanent tour wardrobe and Justin as the face of Austin's clothing label indefinitely on hold. He still had a lot of other clients, of course, and designing for each new season would always keep him busy but planning their wedding was definitely a priority, second only to focusing on their relationship more this time around. All the little things that meant something, that were easy to get lost in the mix when life got hectic.

Enthusiastically singing It's Raining Men, the last song on his playlist in the car, he juggled his keys out of his pocket and by some small miracle managed to get the door open without dropping anything. He nudged it open with his hip and did a quick pirouette through the door, letting it swing closed behind him. He was only a few steps inside the sprawling open-planned loft apartment when he stopped short, spotting Beau sitting on their modular sofa nursing a beer on his chest. The apartment was dimly lit by only one lamp by their open fireplace and even though the TV was on, Beau didn't seem to be watching it.

"Hey, darling. What are you doing home? I wasn't expecting you until later. I thought you were working the evening. Shit, did I open the wrong day on our Google Calendar again?" He dumped all the bags on the dining table and came over to Beau, leaning over his shoulder to give him a kiss and a cuddle. "Beer, huh? Everything okay?"

signofthetimes

Seriously, you guys can be epic hardcore on the selfie game sometimes. Just want to apologize to the fans who bumped into me at the ER late the other night. My husband wasn't well and was getting treated there, so I was a bit off my game and taken by surprise with the encounter. It was the early hours of the morning and I hadn't had much sleep, so cheers for being so cooperative when asked to respect our privacy. Also, thanks for the well wishes from his Broadway fans who knew he was out of action. He's on the mend and should be back in the sparkly Converse again soon. You all rock and we're both blessed to have such cool and supportive fans.

Cheers, B x

Oh, and HAPPY PRIDE

I can say that on here now, can't I?

aussielawyer

Watch on YouTube

♫ : Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood - Yusuf (Cat Stevens)

signofthetimes

Who: Tara Campbell, Beau Watson, Brandon Blake and Merlin Blake
What: Results
Where: Mount Sinai, NYC
When: After this and this

As promised, Jaxson woke Brandon up later that afternoon and he had to admit, having a good few hours of steady sleep definitely helped him feel a bit better and his head didn’t feel so much like it had a demonic jackhammer going off inside his skull. It took him awhile to fully wake up and battle dragging himself out of the warm cocoon of their bed so before heading back to the hospital, he decided to take the bath he had been planning with the muscle soak before Cillian had intercepted him in the lobby.

It gave him a lot of time to think lying there in bubbles letting the warm water soothe all the aches and pains through his body. Not to mention, bathing actually made him begin to feel human again. When he got back to the hospital to see Merlin, he was freshly shaven and his still slightly damp hair was combed back from his face. He opted for a comfortable pair of grey sweatpants and a soft white Balmain knit sweater because he planned on visiting with Merlin for as long as he was allowed.

( Merlin was out for the count when he arrived so Brandon asked to speak to his doctor to get some updates on how he had been... )

LOG, COMPLETE

irockthemic

Who: Wesley Knight, Jaxson Colt, Brandon Blake, and Merlin Blake
What: Headaches and Hypotheticals
Where: Brandon and Merlin's Apartment, Upper East Side, NYC
When: After this and this

When Brandon finally came back to the land of the living, he tried to sit up, disoriented, but was stopped by a firm hand on his shoulder. “No, no, no, no. No the fuck you don’t,” he owner of the hand stated. “Take it easy, mate. You’re in your bed. I’m under strict orders to make sure you don’t move so I’m not letting your ass go anywhere.”

“Jax…?” Brandon peeled his eyes open a bit more to make sure he wasn’t imaging his best friend’s voice. Through barely opened eyes, he peered around the dimly-lit room that was definitely his bedroom and he was definitely in bed, so that checked out. “... th’fuck?”

( Jax kept his hand on Brandon’s shoulder, making sure he didn’t try to get up again... )

LOG, COMPLETE

signofthetimes

Who: Brandon Blake and Cillian O'Donovan
What: What the fuck?
Where: Upper East Side, NYC
When: After this

It was a short drive home from the hospital, but it was enough for Brandon to doze off when he made the mistake of closing his eyes while he tried to keep his head propped up with his hand. He was woken with a gentle pat to his shoulder from his driver who had been working with him for years now, so Brandon trusted him completely. Very much wasn’t the first time Brandon had crashed out on a journey. Definitely wouldn’t be the last.

“Thanks, Franklin,” he mumbled, peeling off his seatbelt and shoving it over his shoulder, giving his hand an annoyed shake when the belt tangled around his wrist. Franklin got out and came around to open his door for him. Pain radiated through his hip and lower back when he climbed out of the car and he almost fell, grabbing the door so he didn’t faceplant the sidewalk. Franklin had hurriedly held out a hand to help him but Brandon righted himself on the pavement with a wave of his hand, swinging the door closed behind him. “I’m okay, thanks. It’s fine. I’m fine. Just been a hell of a few days. Take the next few days off, bud. I’ll mostly be at the hospital with Merlin. I’ve postponed everything for work.”

( He wasn’t really fine... )

LOG, COMPLETE

likefatherlikeson

Watch on YouTube

♫ : Any Kind of Life - Lewis Capaldi

slowsouthernstyle

Who: Jesse Hartley, Brandon Blake and Merlin Blake (with Peyton Kingston and Miles Morrison briefly)
What: Big Brother Backup
Where: First up, Brandon and Merlin's place, Upper East Side, NYC
When: After this and this

Brandon met Jesse at the door of their penthouse apartment so he didn’t need to ring the buzzer. Merlin was awake but Wes was asleep at the other side of the apartment and possibly Noah also, but Brandon had lost track of their coming and going over the past couple of frankly stressful as fuck days.

“I’m so sorry for waking you up and getting you out of bed,” Brandon murmured, giving Jesse a hug after closing the door behind him. “I should’ve said more in the texts but I’m not even exactly sure what’s going on. He’s been a bit all over the place, which is my fault for being a dumbfuck. I don’t know if it’s just today he’s had the stomach pain or longer and he was just trying to ignore it. You think it could be his appendix?”

( Jesse gave Brandon’s back a reassuring pat... )

LOG, COMPLETE

aussielawyer

Who: Mark and Sam Campbell
What: "If I seem edgy, I want you to know, that I never mean to take it out on you."
Where: Campbell Home, Sydney, AUS
When: After this

It was late when Mark made it back to his folks' home overlooking Sydney Harbour. He hadn't driven straight, instead taking the more scenic route that looped some of the back streets so he had a few moments to clear his head, sure, but mostly to distract himself from the urge to go to a pub. There were none on the route he chose to take, the familiar streets of his childhood winding around the hilly outlying eastern suburbs of the city. He even thought about bypassing to one of his favourite nearby beaches to sit and watch the water for awhile but he knew deep down he didn't really want to be left alone with his thoughts.

It was one of those days where it was really, REALLY fucking hard to be the dad of a mentally ill kid. He was just relieved he had pushed through his own fucked up shit resulting from his battle with the bottle before Sash had regained consciousness and thrown Justin into this awful limbo of uncertainty.

( He was just locking up the car and pocketing the keys when his phone started to ring with an incoming FaceTime call... )

likefatherlikeson

Who: Justin Campbell, Sasha Stanford, and Mark Campbell with Martin and Mhari Stanford
What: "Slow change may pull us apart."
Where: Sydney, Australia
When: After this and this

The last couple of days were a blur. Yet again, Justin had no concept of time passing and was extremely concept of a lot chaos and movement going on around him, but his mind couldn’t keep up with everything. Although it was clear Sash had technically ‘woken up’ or ‘regained consciousness’, he hadn’t really been awake or conscious. He was just no longer in a coma and he was breathing on his own with the support of oxygen.

But it was okay. Justin knew that waking up from something like this, it was nothing like general waking up from sleep. At least with the shit he had gone through in his life, he had understanding of medical treatment and what it could mean to be seriously unwell in hospital, so that part wasn’t scaring him. He knew Sash was in excellent hands and he was glad they were letting him still sit with Sash, even though there was a lot more activity around him he was being monitored for any change in his condition. It was the not actually ‘waking up’ that was terrifying.

( At first, all Sash really seemed to do that was different to when he was in the coma was open his eyes a little and every time Justin tucked his fingers underneath Sash’s, he did sort of take his hand, though it was weak... )

LOG, COMPLETE

likefatherlikeson

Watch on YouTube

♫ : Eyes Closed - Ed Sheeran

signofthetimes

Hey, Jess. Sorry, I know it's the middle of the night & I dunno if you'll even get this but Merlin's really unwell. I dunno if I should wait until morning to take him to a doctor or take him to the hospital tonight which he doesn't wanna do. Or even just get an ambulance. He's in a lot of pain. I'm freaking tf out.

aussielawyer

Who: Mark Campbell, Sam Campbell and Gen Hart-Campbell with Ava Marcus
What: The News Breaks
Where: Campbell Home, Sydney, Australia
When: After this and this

Mark came into the kitchen where his wife, Gen, was putting the dishes from last night’s dinner away while she chatted with his mum, who was buzzing in and out of the pantry and cupboards checking what she needed for a weekly grocery shop. His twin brother was standing at one end of the kitchen island, leaning heavily on it while he added things to the shopping list app they all had on their phone since they had been staying in the Campbell family home they grew up in while Justin and Sash were in hospital. They were all going to have a cuppa together before Sam went and helped their mum at the grocery store. It was their dad and Alexis’ turn to be at the hospital with Justin. “Sorry, I got held up longer on the call than I thought. Want me to put the kettle on, love?” he asked Gen, giving her a kiss.

Mrs Campbell popped her flitted back out of the pantry. “Two packs of basmati rice. Weetbix. Three—”

“Hang on, hang on, Mum,” Sam cut in tiredly, scrolling his finger up his phone screen. “I’m still on loose-leaf tea and croutons. And Trying to remember how to bloody spell basmati…”

“It should already be on the list to pick from,” Mrs Campbell told him. “It’s okay if you’re not up to coming to help me with the shop, honey. Gen said she could give me a hand.”

Sam sighed. “Right, okay. Give me a sec,” he mumbled, frowning at the screen. “I’m fine, Mum.”

“Sounds good, babe. Everything okay with Brandon? The message sounded urgent.” Gen kissed Mark back and gave his ass an affectionate pat.

( As soon as Mark heard how flat Sam sounded, his gaze zeroed in on his twin to analyse him, without trying to be too obvious about it... )

LOG, COMPLETE

musicsavesmysoul

You didn't text to let me know how you got on. You 2 ok? Can't come around to check, Li's probably contagious and don't wanna pass anything on to you or B.

beautifulday

Who: Sasha ♥ Justin
What: "Lie down with me, yeah, and hold me in your arms"
Where: Sydney, Australia
When: After this and this

“Well, are you coming?”

Sasha turned his head quickly, looking over his shoulder in the direction of the voice. Bright light hit his eyes and he put his hand up to shield them, trying to see who was there. At first, he couldn’t see, until, a few moments later, a short and slender silhouette stepped out of the halo of light. Andi’s strawberry blonde hair spilt to her shoulders in loose, almost ringlet-like curls and a wide smile brightened Sash’s face when she appeared, holding her hand out to him.

“I— I just… a little longer? I don’t think I’m ready yet.” Sasha turned back and blinked in surprise to find himself sitting on the edge of a weathered wooden pier stretching out into a beautiful lake, the beams of sunlight bouncing off a gentle mist sitting across the surface, concealing any view of what was beyond the edge of the water. As hard as he tried to see, Sasha couldn’t see the shore of the lake. “It’s peaceful here. Just… too quiet, maybe.”

( Andi breached the distance between them, lightly bouncing over to him on the tips of her toes... )

LOG, COMPLETE

signofthetimes

Who: Brandon and Merlin Blake
What: Instant Regret
Where: Merlin & Brandon's Apartment, Upper East Side
When: After this and this

When Brandon woke up the first time after his completely unintentional bender, it was sheer and utter instant regret. He'd be lying if he said he couldn't remember the last time he felt that sick but it would be a lie, considering the nightmare he went through with treatment for leukemia. Sure, he had survived it - so far - and the treatment worked - also so far - but none of that was anything he would forget for a very long time. He just had to learn the lesson the hard way that 1) probably not a good idea to mix liquor with certain medications that he was taking multiple of, and 2) it had been so long since he last drank, and since then he had almost died from cancer, that his body wouldn't have the booze tolerance it used to. A couple of shots, maybe a beer, was all he set out to have to lament the terrible fight he had with Merlin. Also very unintentional. Apparently, it was the day for instant regrets.

The first time he woke, his head felt like it had exploded, his entire body was so painful he was sure he had been hit by a train, and trying to move caused him to try very valiantly to vomit up every internal organ inside him about five times over. He also had a black eye and an impressive lump on his forehead with no clue how he got either, which definitely didn't help how sick he felt with the hangover. 'Mess' didn't begin to cover what he was and he ended up passing out again after all that. Better unconscious than conscious to the side effects of your poor life choices. He definitely wasn't winning any Husband of the Year awards today.

The next time he woke up, he still felt sick and his head was still pounding but he wasn't as disoriented and his usual body aches and pains were no longer dialled up to a million decibels. His mouth was dry and he was so thirsty, he was tempted to down the entire bottle of grape Pedialyte by his bed but resisted because after everything else, Merlin didn't need to be washing grape vomit out of their expensive 1000 thread count bedding. It looked like it was dark outside but he was along in their California King bed with just his own bedside lamp on low illuminating the large room. Before he met Merlin, he used to bask in having the biggest bed alone to himself to stretch out in but not anytime he was in it alone, it felt way too empty and lonely. Since marrying, he got used to waking up spooning or being spooned.

He wasn't sure he had the strength or energy to make it through a shower, even if he was still using a medical shower chair to sit these days because he tired easily. He didn't want to tempt fate on anymore puking waves by trying to do too much. Ironic, considering that issue was what triggered his fight with Merlin to start with. He used the bathroom and settled on splashing some water on his face (which is when he saw the state of his face) and brushed his teeth, leaving it at that. He was cold, so he pulled his grey coral fleece hoodie over his pyjamas and took the bucket (just in case, head trust issues with his stomach these days) to go find Merlin, if his husband was even at home. He wouldn't blame him if he wanted to go to Jesse or Damien's and bitch about what a selfish fuck his husband was.

Not even bothering to attempt the spiral staircase, he instead took the elevator (that was installed when chemo meant it was impossible for him to climb stairs back during the height of his cancer battle) down to the ground floor of their loft apartment. When he stepped out of the elevator, he could hear music, which sounded like someone was playing his grand piano.

He stepped around the corner of the entertainment area of the apartment and found Merlin sitting at the piano playing something from sheet music on his iPad. It dawned on him that it was the first time he had seen Merlin play the piano. In fact, he didn't know he could. This wasn't amateur, though. With his just-in-case bucket hooked over his elbow, he leaned against the doorway to listen, resting his head against the frame and tucking his hands in the front pouch of his hoodie. That was when Merlin spotted him and it stirred up emotions inside him, beyond the guilt of his stupid fuck up at the bottom of a booze bottle. Merlin did so much to take care of him, he shouldn't have arc up at him and caused the fight.

magicmoments

Who: Merlin Blake, Brandon Blake, Jaxson Colt, and Paxton Carlyle
What: Poor Choices
Where: Merlin/Brandon's Place & Paxton/Jaxson's Place, NYC
When: After this

After reassuring Jesse about twenty times in the cab that he was fine and didn’t need him to come up with him, Merlin unlocked their apartment door with the security codes and headed inside, letting the door swing close behind him. He dumped his keys and wallet on the entrance table with a heavy sigh, then braced his hands on the edge of it, scrutinizing his appearance in the large circular mirror on the wall. His face was still a bit blotchy and swollen from the crying but he didn’t feel quite so wound up and tense now he had offloaded everything to his brothers. It didn’t change anything. Everything was still stressful and scary but Damien and Jesse were always able to offer wise words when his emotions spun into overdrive, something that had been happening a lot since he fell in love with a guy who almost died of cancer.

His gaze shifted to the aqua Venetian glass dish in the middle of the entrance table that was empty, telling him that Brandon still wasn’t home. It was habit for his husband to always empty his pockets into the dish when he got home so he didn’t lose anything important. That had become even more so now, because Brandon suffered on and off from ‘chemo brain’ where his short-term memory could be a bit spotty or vague if he was tired or having a bad day. There had been a lot of things they needed to put in place around Brandon to aid his recovery after his intensive treatment. Merlin would never not be proud of how well he had done since then. None of this latest turn of events was about that. It was so much more complicated.

( Taking his phone out, Merlin brought up Brandon’s number on the screen but after just a few moments, changed his mind and shoved it back in his pocket... )

LOG, COMPLETE

musicsavesmysoul

Who: Damien Larson and Liam Morgan
What: Married Life
Where: Liam and Damien's, New York
When: After this

By the time Merlin and Jesse left, Damien felt like he was starting to get a headache himself from the sheer information overload Merlin managed to drop on them in a short space of time. For a shortass, he sure packed a punch when his emotions got the better of him. And who could blame him? There was nothing nice about fighting with the person you loved, no matter what the situation. But this was emotional overload on crack, with the added shock of a very real and terrifying chance Brandon might be relapsing. Damien wasn't sure he truly knew how to process that information, right at a time everyone was starting to see the forest through the trees with Brandon's recovery.

He had been doing so good. He had been regaining weight and looking well. Both he and Merlin had been doing great, even if they had both been on a very go-slow, step-at-a-time journey for many months together. No one had wanted to rush Brandon through his recovery and Brandon had truly just let Merlin take care of him. What had shifted? Was there more to this than met the eye? Damien just had no idea and where he would usually grill Liam, at least on the medical side of things, Liam wasn't well and Damien could already feel his own overthinking tendencies trying to kick into gear. He couldn't help it, he would never not worry about his baby brother.

When he went back to their bedroom, Liam seemed to be sleeping, curled up on his side of the bed. Damien carefully, slowly, crawled onto his side of the bed and laid down behind Liam, easing an arm around Liam to spoon him in a gentle cuddle, trying to avoid his stomach. Liam stirred at the touch, reflexively hugging Damien's arm to his chest and Damien stilled, looking over Liam's shoulder to see if he had woken him and then kissed the back of Liam's neck. "It's okay, beautiful. Go back to sleep. Love you."

magicmoments

Who: Merlin Blake, Damien Larson and Jesse Hartley (+ Liam Morgan briefly)
What: Big Brotherly Backup
Where: Damien and Liam's Place, NYC
When: Friday morning

Merlin stomped into Damien and Liam’s apartment and dramatically flopped onto their cushy modular sofa that hugged their living room looking out onto their balcony with views of Central Park way in the distance. It was coupled with a deep sigh and he shoved his fingers under his glasses to press the tips into his eyes. “Brandon and I just had a seriously epic fight,” he told his big brother, dropping his hands into his lap to look forlornly at Damien across the room. Then he slapped his hand over his mouth, noticing how dishevelled and ruffled a shirtless Damien was as he shuffled into the room behind Merlin after buzzing him up to their apartment. “Oh, shit, is Li sleeping? And I’m here bitching like a foghorn waking him. Was he on a nightshift? Did you have a gig last night? Oh, crap! You were fucking, weren’t you? I didn’t even think. Sorry, Damo. I just needed someone to talk to. Wes and Noah both have the flu, so they’re quarantining on the other side of the house and Jess is back at work after his seizure last week.” He heaved himself back up off the sofa because it was one of those types that hugged your ass once you sat on it.

“It’s fine, baby bro. Liam’s not here, he’s on-call at the hospital. I worked last night but I can sleep more later,” Damien reassured him, gently nudging Merlin back onto the sofa and then headed into the kitchen of their open-planned apartment to fill the kettle. “You can bother me any time, you know that. We made that pact when Brandon was in hospital, remember? I’ll make a cuppa, you can tell me all about the fight. That’s not like you two. What happened? Are Noah and Wes okay? You’d let me know if there was anything they needed I could help with, yeah? Wait, is Jess okay to be back at work so soon?”

( Nodding, Merlin put his feet up on their coffee table, knowing neither Damien or Liam were precious about their furniture and he had kicked off his shoes when he came in the front door anyway... )

LOG, COMPLETE

aussielawyer

Who: Mark and Justin Campbell (with Sasha Stanford)
What: No turning back
Where: Sydney, Australia
When: After this, this and this

Before going in, Mark stopped outside the glass doors of Sash’s hospital room and watched Justin sitting with him, holding his hand. He closed his eyes briefly with a sigh of relief and rested his head against the frame of the door as he took in the scene before him that he wasn’t sure he should intrude on. But he could find a million ways to procrastinate, and a million ways to put off anything difficult he knew he had to face. He’d spent far too long doing that and it did nothing but hurt people he loved and — even more difficult to conquer — hurt himself in ways he hadn’t even realised until it was too late. The long chat with his brothers had brought some peace to the mess of turmoil inside him but there was still so much he had to confront, no matter how much it was going to hurt.

He softly knocked on the glass, pushing the button to open the door. “Justin?” He didn’t go in. It was up to his son if he was ready to see him. Whatever happened, every moment of this was going to be hard.

( Justin hadn’t heard the knock or even the door sliding open... )

LOG, COMPLETE

underyourskin

Hey, dude. You gotta minute? Need to pick your brain. Don't worry if you're tied up with Justin.

likefatherlikeson

Who: Justin with Sash
What: At last
Where: Hospital in Sydney, Australia
When: After this

Justin really didn’t want to lose his shit in front of a roomful of medical staff. Which was probably stupid, considering he had been doing that constantly on and off since he arrived at this hospital. This time was different. This time, it felt like he just didn’t want an audience because of what it meant. He did rationally know they weren’t there to invade his privacy but it was one of those times, he didn’t want to be looked at or observed. All he wanted was to be alone with Sash and he had no fucking idea how he would actually be when that finally happened but he was already trying to hold back tears when they wheeled him into the connecting room through the sliding glass doors, holding a hand over his mouth in a desperate attempt to stop himself crying.

He couldn’t even look right away. With his eyes trained down on his blanket-covered feet, he could hear the machines and that was enough. He needed just a little bit of time to brace himself before seeing Sash attached to them. Panic started to flutter in his gut and he suddenly wished he wasn’t doing this alone but he also only wanted to be with Sash. That emotional tug-of-war deep inside him was always unsettling and distressing, it wasn’t like this was his first proverbial rodeo with that, though. It was bipolar. It was C-PTSD. And n matter how much experience he had feeling it, it never got easier to cope with. He wasn’t an expert on it just because it sometimes felt like his default state. In fact, it was often the reason he didn’t want to keep living because he needed so painfully to switch it off. Today felt different. It was a distressing mix of woozy emotional unsteadiness where he both did want to switch it off but also wanted to somehow keep fucking holding on the best he could because Sash needed him. These things has been spinning around and around in his head for days. Talking didn’t help anymore. Not with this. Nothing helped this. How the fuck could anything possibly help this?

( While the hospital assistant positioned the bed and made sure the brakes were secured and the blankets were tucked in around Justin’s legs, Justin found it strangely comforting to hear the steady rhythm of beeps from the cardiac monitor in the room... )

LOG, COMPLETE

tearsofpearls

Who: Justin Campbell, Alexis Harrington, and Arian Alcott
What: Going Through the Motions
Where: Sydney, Australia
When: Around the time of this

Justin wished his brain would just work. For once, all he wanted, was for his brain to do what it was supposed to. But for everything Ava had just sat down and explained to him — followed by a doctor who he couldn’t remember meeting but who seemed to think they had spoken before — about being transferred to this new bed… wheelchair… thing so he could be taken to Sash’s bedside, he retained none of it. They told him he could ask questions about what they said but he was too scared to admit he didn’t remember a word they just told him in case they took it all back and changed their minds.

He was conscious there was a gathering of people in his room, some in scrubs, a couple in lab coats but he couldn’t take his eyes off this thing that really did look like the lovechild of a bed and a wheelchair. Suddenly, it felt like he had so fucking much to panic about without completely identifying it all or what he should be freaking out about first.

“M—Mum. I’m scared.” Justin reached out to where his birth mother was standing back against the wall waiting with his Social Worker, Arian.

( Alexis stepped over to Justin and took his hand, then wrapped her other arm around his shoulders... )

LOG, COMPLETE

Profile

Dream Like New York

Page Summary

asskickingblahniks - "This storm will pass, and soon it will be better. We're all in this together."
agentcampbell - "Let me hold you tight, if only for one night."
aussielawyer - "Cause I spend all my time recovering from the sight of what I should be".
breakablehearts - "Looking out for love in a little bit of darkness."
inkandleather - "And never can you know when my seizures will happen."
exmilitarymedic - "Say it's here where our pieces fall in place..."
lifeguardoflove - "Now there's a strange way and awkward feelings..."
circlesofthemind - "I'm a product of a lot of family emergencies."
signofthetimes - [ FACEBOOK ] with Merlin Blake @ magicmoments
slowsouthernstyle - "Now you've adopted me into your family."
signofthetimes - "And I'll bring you heaven if that's what you need, 'Cause you've always loved the hell out of me"
inkandleather - "I'm locked in your eyes, I love our quality time."
daysgonequiet - "Fighting is not good in a family."
magicmoments - "Damn, I’m realizing how lucky I am and blessed to have best friends that understand."
signofthetimes - "You're the best team that we can count on."
magicmoments - [ FACEBOOK ] with Brandon Blake @ magicmoments
signofthetimes - [ FACEBOOK ]
likefatherlikeson - [ TEXT ] To Tori @ theateroflove
slowsouthernstyle - "But either way, I got you in my DNA."
slowsouthernstyle - [ TEXT ] To Cillian @ somethinglikemagic
beautifulday - "If the memory fade of you, can the memory fade of me?"
musicsavesmysoul - "Keep your head up, little brother. I can see you're hurting inside."
signofthetimes - [ TEXT MESSAGE ] To Damien (musicsavesmysoul) & Jesse (slowsouthernstyle)
autumnkisses - [ TEXT ] To Brandon @ signofthetimes
signofthetimes - "You were just a step behind when the strength was hard to find."
circlesofthemind - "'Cause I'm in no kind of frame of mind to let you go."
fabulousfashionista - [ TEXT MESSAGE ] To Tara @ doctortara
fabulousfashionista - "I would marry you again. You're my life, my soul, my strength."
signofthetimes - [ INSTAGRAM (Public Account) ] with Merlin Blake @ magicmoments
aussielawyer - [ FACEBOOK ]
signofthetimes - "Buckle-up and endure now baby. Cancer for the cure."
irockthemic - "Help me if you can, I'm feeling down. And I do appreciate you being 'round."
signofthetimes - "He has a father's heart..."
likefatherlikeson - [ FACEBOOK ] with Sasha Stanford @ beautifulday
slowsouthernstyle - "That's what you get when you confuse your stomach with your heart."
aussielawyer - "Sometimes I find myself alone regretting some little thing, some foolish thing, that I have done."
likefatherlikeson - "Don't You (Forget About Me)..."
likefatherlikeson - [ FACEBOOK ] with Sasha Stanford @ beauifulday
signofthetimes - [ TEXT ] To Jesse @ slowsouthernstyle
aussielawyer - "I got eyes to see, you got a heart to breathe, you woke up today its a blessing."
musicsavesmysoul - [ TEXT ] To Merlin @ magicmoments
beautifulday - "I was made to keep your body warm. But I'm cold as the wind blows so hold me in your arms..."
signofthetimes - "The finger of blame has turned upon itself, and I'm more than willing to offer myself."
magicmoments - "When I cannot hold it all, I find my friend the alcohol."
musicsavesmysoul - "Cuddle up right next to you, baby."
magicmoments - "F your cancer. We'll fight this. I can see the pain..."
aussielawyer - "Sometimes I feel like giving up. No medicine is strong enough."
underyourskin - [ TEXT ] To Arian @ tearsofpearls
likefatherlikeson - "All the times that I wanted to die, I made a choice I was gonna survive..."
tearsofpearls - "And let your two hearts reunite."

"I'm making my way."

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