Merlin Timothy Blake (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
magicmoments) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
dreamlikenewyork2023-04-30 05:57 pm
magicmoments) wrote in dreamlikenewyork2023-04-30 05:57 pm
"When I cannot hold it all, I find my friend the alcohol."
Who: Merlin Blake, Brandon Blake, Jaxson Colt, and Paxton Carlyle
What: Poor Choices
Where: Merlin/Brandon's Place & Paxton/Jaxson's Place, NYC
When: After this
After reassuring Jesse about twenty times in the cab that he was fine and didn’t need him to come up with him, Merlin unlocked their apartment door with the security codes and headed inside, letting the door swing close behind him. He dumped his keys and wallet on the entrance table with a heavy sigh, then braced his hands on the edge of it, scrutinizing his appearance in the large circular mirror on the wall. His face was still a bit blotchy and swollen from the crying but he didn’t feel quite so wound up and tense now he had offloaded everything to his brothers. It didn’t change anything. Everything was still stressful and scary but Damien and Jesse were always able to offer wise words when his emotions spun into overdrive, something that had been happening a lot since he fell in love with a guy who almost died of cancer.
His gaze shifted to the aqua Venetian glass dish in the middle of the entrance table that was empty, telling him that Brandon still wasn’t home. It was habit for his husband to always empty his pockets into the dish when he got home so he didn’t lose anything important. That had become even more so now, because Brandon suffered on and off from ‘chemo brain’ where his short-term memory could be a bit spotty or vague if he was tired or having a bad day. There had been a lot of things they needed to put in place around Brandon to aid his recovery after his intensive treatment. Merlin would never not be proud of how well he had done since then. None of this latest turn of events was about that. It was so much more complicated.
Taking his phone out, Merlin brought up Brandon’s number on the screen but after just a few moments, changed his mind and shoved it back in his pocket. The last thing he wanted to do was interrupt Brandon at work if he was in the middle of something important, or even push him to talk out their fight before he was ready. They were both stressed and emotional, there was no doubt about that. That meant they could say shit they didn’t mean. Instead, he headed upstairs to their bedroom to grab his migraine medication, taking a dose of each before his pounding head turned into another nightmare situation no one needed.
He was just finishing up with the nasal spray when his phone started to ring in his pocket with an incoming FaceTime call. It was too soon for his brothers to throwing him a follow-up call just to make sure he was okay. That would happen, without a doubt, but even they knew he was an adult now and had to tackle his marriage his own way, even if he was upset. Seeing that it was Jaxson calling, Merlin frowned in confusion and accepted the call. “Hey, dude. What’s up? Are you looking for Brandon? He’s at work.”
“Yeah, no he’s not, mate. I’ve got him here and I just wanted to see if you wanted to come get him. I don’t think it’s a good idea to try to get him into a cab. Or let him out in public.” Jaxson looked over his shoulder at something, then back to Merlin on his phone. “Did you guys have a fight? I think that’s what I’ve been able to ascertain, though not 100% sure.”
“Why…?” Merlin asked hesitantly, not sure by Jaxson’s tone that he wanted to know. “Please tell me it’s just because he has gastro like Liam and not because he’s been drinking. Yeah, we had a fight. Long story.” If Brandon hadn’t been able to clearly communicate their fight to his best friend, he likely wouldn’t have communicated the why.
Jaxson scratched his temple with his fingertip. “It’s probably going to sound bad whatever I say, so let me just preface by saying this… I don’t think he’s actually had a lot to drink. But he is pretty totalled. Wait. That sounds like I think he’s been snorting coke or something. That’s not what I mean!”
Merlin exited the en-suite bathroom into his and Brandon’s bedroom, trying to see if he left his sunglasses there anywhere. “Shit. Fuck, it’s fine. It doesn’t matter. I’m coming. Don’t let him leave.”
“Not a lot of risk of that, dude,” Jaxson told him wryly. “It’s not dangerous for him to have been drinking with all his meds, is it?”
Merlin was hunting around the dresser but couldn’t see his sunnies anywhere. He didn’t have time for this shit, he had to get to Brandon. His head was just hurting too much to head out into the sunlight. He found Brandon’s but he needed his own prescription ones and now he was being reminded of why Brandon dumping his shit in the glass dish whenever he came home was probably a really smart thing for anyone, not just a recovering cancer patient. Then that train of thought reminded him of their fight and why it happened. “It’s not ideal but if it’s not really been much, it should be o—” He stopped his search and rubbed his forehead. “Actually, I dunno if it’s a good idea for me to come. Last time he was drunk with me, he said some pretty hurtful things and I don’t wanna cause another fight. Maybe he’s just better there with you?”
Jaxson was looking over his shoulder again and Merlin assumed it was to check on Brandon. “Should I be worried that you guys have had a fight and now he’s drunk? Has something happened?”
“Yeah, you should probably be kinda worried. It’s just a bit complicated. Like, we’re not breaking up or anything like that. It’s been one fight and there was a reason. That’s not what I mean.” Merlin headed for the spiral staircase and shook his head. “I’ll explain when I get there. I should be the one taking care of him if he’s totalled himself. Do you know what he was drinking? How much?”
“He called me and said he was at The Bondi and told me to come have a drink with him. I really didn’t think anything of it. We’ve had a light beer together here and there since he’s been starting to feel better, you know? He didn’t seem drunk on the call. When I got there, he had a bottle of Jim Beam on the bar near him and was definitely tipsy, so I ordered a couple of beers light beers instead. Next thing I know, before I’m barely halfway through my beer, he’s giggle-snorting at meme and nearly falling off the barstool. Granted, it was a fucking funny meme.” Jaxson scrunched his nose up and purse his lips. “I’m sorry, dude. I had no reason to think anything was wrong. The Aussie dude behind the bar said B hadn’t had a lot from the bottle of bourbon, but he knew that with leukemia after chemo and stuff, alcohol tolerance might not be as good as it used to be. Sounded like he knew B personally, so I was grateful when he offered to give me a hand to get him to a cab. Only, B brought the bottle with him and well, yeah. Realised too late it was black label. He probably would’ve been three sheets to the wind after a shot and a half. The dude’s not going to sell the exclusive to TMZ or anything, is he?”
Merlin went through to Brandon’s study to get the keys to one of his cars, preferably not any of his sports cars because they stuck out like a sore thumb. He still wasn’t used to the celebrity lifestyle, even if he was married to one of the most famous twenty-somethings in the world. Luckily, he found his sunnies on Brandon’s desk too, remembering now he dropped them there the other day after Brandon finished a Zoom call when he came home and surprised him for lunch. “Nothing to worry about. That’s Luke. Justin’s ex-boyfriend, Will, it’s his big brother. He’s close to all the Campbells. Definitely one of the good guys. Will had leukemia when he was a kid, so he gets it. Listen, I’m leaving now. If you haven’t already, get the booze off him and replace it with water at the very least. Something with electrolytes would be preferable. I won’t be long.”
About half an hour later, Merlin was pressing the buzzer to Zander and Paxton’s apartment, a place they had shared every since Zander and Beau broke up. A lot had happened around them in the wake of Brandon nearly succumbing to his fight with leukemia and subsequent — eventually — successful stem cell transplant with Merlin as his donor, while Merlin and Brandon had essentially spent many months in an isolated bubble together to protect Brandon from any potential source of infection that could kill him. Paxton had also been recovering from his health battle after being struck down by meningococcal meningitis and began to date Brandon’s best friend, Jaxson. They had both moved into Brandon’s penthouse apartment that had a vast amount of rooms all on one level and Paxton had been confined to a wheelchair at the time. It had only been a temporary arrangement, though. With Liam and Damien finally married then, they decided to get a place of their own after they had been in a shared-house arrangement with Rhys, Miles, Paxton, Zander (Paxton’s big brother) and Beau, and it was only when they were searching for their first home together as a married couple that Beau and Zander broke up when Beau decided to give things a second chance with his ex-husband, Beau.
Jaxson stayed living with Brandon and Merlin while Paxton got a place with Zander, by which time he had been coming on leaps and bounds and got back on his feet with increased mobility, no longer needing the wheelchair. Wes lived with them all too, but dating Noah, he spent just as much time at Noah’s place as he did theirs. So much had been in place for Justin’s tour but when all that got put on hold with covid, Jaxson, Wes, and Damien all had to find alternative income steams when they had all been employed to go on tour with him. Then news had broken about Justin and Sash’s accident and no one knew if Justin would ever perform on a stage again. It was a confusing and emotional time for everyone, but definitely not all bad. There were bubbles of good and happy times in amongst the challenges but predominantly, Brandon and Merlin’s life was in that insular world of his apartment until they got news his blood work finally indicated he was officially in remission.
That had been a few months ago now and since then, Brandon had been undergoing rehabilitation to regain some physical strength and a lot of therapy to come to terms with the fact he nearly died. Merlin had been seeing a therapist too, because even though the stem cell transplant ‘worked’ how it had been intended and ridded cancer cells from Brandon’s body, not having a blood relative donor left him with Graft-versus-Host Disease, a now-chronic condition he still had bad days with that saddled him with symptoms that weren’t dissimilar to what both the leukemia and chemo had caused him. So, even if he had been out the cancer woods, he hadn’t been ‘well’, per se. He had been getting better, little by little, though.
And that was what brought them here. A surreal and detached emotional wave Merlin couldn’t acclimatise with all of a sudden, which was weird because there had never not been the goal of Brandon getting back to work. None of it felt that black and white to Merlin, though, and he didn’t understand why it wasn’t feeling the same for Brandon. Clearly, he was completely out of touch with just what his husband was really feeling and he was thinking now that was what was bothering him the most. Save for a handful of days at the very beginning of their relationship when they were first getting to know each other, they had never been this out of sync with each other.
Jaxson buzzed Merlin up and met him at the door of Paxton’s place where he had been staying with him while Paxton was home in New York for a few days after being in London for work. He stepped aside for Merlin to come in. “Sorry, mate, I couldn’t get the bottle off him. I’ll totally wear it if you prefer to leave him here with me until he’s over the hangover.”
Hearing that, Merlin paused with a long-suffering slow blink, squeezing his fingers to the corners of his eyes. He rounded the corner into Paxton and Zander’s livingroom to Brandon leaning slumped over towards Zander on the sofa showing him something on his phone. “Look! Look, bud! S’my life! Cocking Fuckborough!” Brandon took a swig from the bottle but burst into a wave of laughter, shooting some of it out of his nose and dribbling the rest down the front of his very expensive designer shirt. Paxton was laughing at Brandon and Jaxson was doing his best not to, but failing.
Any other day, Merlin would’ve laughed too. “The meme?” he guessed, turning to Jaxson and really wishing he could just go home for a nap and wake up to find today didn’t happen.
Jaxson took his phone from his pocket and showed Merlin the image Brandon was pissing himself laughing at. “I think so, though we had a clearly deeply intellectual debate in the cab ride here about whether it was a real place name or not. Are you pissed?”
“That someone called a place Cocking Fuckborough? Absolutely not. It’s genius. That my drunk husband thinks our life is called that?” Merlin just pressed his lips together tightly and gave Jaxson a Look before moving into Brandon’s line of sight and while his husband was momentarily distracted by his appearance, leaned over and smoothly took the bottle from his hand and passed it off to Jaxson out of Brandon’s reach. “Hey, darlin’. You sure know how to be a masochist when you wanna be, don’t you? On a scale of one to ten, how much do you feel like you gotta hurl because I paid a fortune for these jeans and we’ve got to try to get you standing.”
Despite the smooth manoeuvre with the bottle, in hindsight, Merlin probably shouldn’t have called attention to his jeans because that’s where Brandon’s drunken gaze immediately shifted to and he broke into a grin. “Fuck, love y’dick s’much, baby. Love y’more.” He hooked his finger into one of the belt loops of Merlin’s jeans, pulling him into his lap and a hungry yet sloppy kiss.
“So, is booze the key to a dodgy libido?” Paxton wondered because he had been trying to figure out the best way to get his own body working at full capacity in the downstairs region but libido really wasn’t his issue. The urge was there, it was just the physical mechanics that didn’t always come to the party. Not through lack of trying on his and Jaxson’s part, though. He and Brandon had joked together about tribulations of problems in bed after illness but they hadn’t talked about it seriously. Brandon didn’t like to linger on certain subjects that could piss him off if he thought too much about it.
Just as Brandon was drunkenly groping his husband’s package through his jeans, he hiccupped and as soon as Merlin heard and felt that, he abruptly pulled out of the kiss, taking Brandon’s hand before he tried to unzip his fly right there in front of Jaxson and Paxton. “No, it’s really not. Jax, you might wanna grab a bucket or something. He’s still on low-dose morphine. This ain’t gonna end well. It might be better if he pukes some of it up, though. I’m gonna try to get him up so I can take him home before the hangover kicks in. I’ve got everything on hand he might need there. I’ll fucking think about why he got pissed later.” He climbed off Brandon’s lap, taking both Brandon’s hands into his. “Love you too, darlin’. We’re gonna try to stand up, okay? Then you can have as much access to my ass as you like.”
“Wait, is it dangerous that he’s mixed both?” Jaxson asked, scrambling for a minute because it wasn’t his apartment until Paxton directed him to the utility closet down the hall. He found a small blue bucket on one of the shelves and hurried back with it.
By which time, Brandon was serenading Merlin with a loud slurry rendition Livin’ On a Prayer, with Merlin (much shorter than Brandon) struggling to get his drunk ass up off the sofa. “Jeezus, you couldn’t have tried this on size before you started to put some weight back on? Oh fuck, please not the headbanging and air guitar, babe. You’re gonna make yourself sick. Probably all over me and Pax’s very clean floors.”
Jaxson took one of Brandon’s arms so Merlin wasn’t trying to take his whole height and weight alone. “Let me give you a hand, dude. I’ll come back to your place and help you get him inside too. I can get a cab back, it’s no big deal.” It took a little bit of wrangling because Brandon really was still trying to air guitar his way through the chorus but they got him to his feet, keeping a tight hold on him when he was unsteady on his feet and nearly toppled over when he tripped over his own toes.
“Jax. Heyyyyyyyyyyyy, man. I love’ya’. Y’know that? Y’were there. Jus… right there. When’was sick. Fuck, man… So sick. Y’know? Jax, dude. Jax… Jax. Guess’wat. Jax.” Brandon was patting his best friend’s shoulder, looking at Brandon woozily as if he just realised he was there. He hiccupped again a couple of times and the second turned into a burp, hand going to his mouth like he was about to throw up.
Jaxson braced himself for getting puked on because it seemed inevitable by this point. Merlin was holding the bucket at the ready but once Brandon coughed and righted himself, he went right back to patting Jax’s shoulder, trying to get his attention. He was woozily trying to focus on Jaxson’s face while taking a couple of deep swallows. “What is it, mate? What am I guessing? I love you too. You’re getting better now, though.”
“No. Nope.” Brandon gave a firm shake of his head, a little too hard, causing him to stumble in against Merlin. “S’back. All th’fuckin’ shit and… and m’still gonna die!” He burst out laughing almost hysterically to the point he dropped his head against Jaxson’s shoulder.
Merlin took in a bracing breath and let it out in a rush when he saw Jaxson pale, his mouth dropping open as he met Merlin’s gaze over the top of Brandon’s head. He couldn’t exactly stand there and have a heart-to-heart with Jaxson about what was going on while Brandon was pissed off his face and laughing so much, his eyes were watering and he was almost drooling. So, he just gave a little shake of his head, hoping Jaxson understood that it would have to wait. For now, at least. Until Brandon could talk about it with his best friend himself.
Then Brandon stopped laughing, cutting himself off with another burp mid-giggle and rubbing his hand over his chest. “I gotta piss,” he decided, trying to pull away from both of them in a direction that was the complete opposite to where the bathroom was.
“I’ll help you, darlin’. Just lean on me. I better take this.” Merlin grabbed the bucket with his other hand, holding Brandon up around his waist with the other. “Then I just need to get him home. It’s not… it’s complicated,” he tried to clarify to Jaxson before leading Brandon towards the bathroom.
#
It turned out to be an epic challenge to get Brandon back home in one piece. They got there in the end but it wasn’t without mess. It started with Brandon not making the toilet back at Paxton’s place and had an accident before Merlin could get his tight black jeans undone. He was too drunk to realise so Merlin figured the best course of action really was just to get him home as quickly as possible. Jaxson came with them like he offered and Merlin was grateful to the help because Brandon was so much more of a dead weight intoxicated. It wasn’t as easy manoeuvring him like this as when Merlin was nursing him while he was ill. He wasn’t combative or anything like that but he swung between some messy mix of disjointed rambling about random things, slurred singing, trying to grope and kiss Merlin, telling Jaxson how much he loved him, and as soon as Merlin got him sat in passenger’s side of the car, puking all over his lap. Then three more times in the bucket. Luckily, he had been sitting on a couple of towels so the car didn’t really cop any of it.
Jaxson stuck around once they got back to Merlin and Brandon’s in case Merlin needed help but he barely said anything. Of course, it wasn’t the first time he had seen Brandon so wasted. They used to write themselves off at parties on booze and drugs before their big fight and BFF split. It just seemed worse this time after Brandon’s drunken bombshell back at Paxton’s. There was obviously a lot more going on here than he was privy to because even though Merlin had the patience of a saint with Brandon, he also seemed… angry? Was it anger, or was he just annoyed Brandon had been drinking when he shouldn’t have?
“Jax, I need you to grab me a couple of towels from under the sink back here and grab one of the spare toilet rolls if you can.” Merlin came out of the bathroom carrying Brandon who was now out cold and dripping wet in just his black Calvin Klein boxers, his face covered in blood and smeared across the front of Merlin’s wet shirt and sleeve.
“Jesus fuck! It’s true? He’s sick again?”Jaxson shrieked, not meaning to panic but he couldn’t help freaking out. Then his brain reminded him he really didn’t do well with blood and he started to feel dizzy, putting his hand to his head. “Oh, shit…”
“Jax! Fuck’s sake! You can pass out in a minute, I need your fucking help here! Get the towels so I can lie him on the bed!” Merlin snapped.
Jaxson bolted into the bathroom and came back with the towels and roll of toilet paper. He pulled the bed quilt back and spread the towels over the sheet and pillow, stepping back so Merlin to lower Brandon onto the bed. He dropped heavily onto the side of the bed near Brandon’s feet, leaning over to put his head between his knees. “Sorry. I’ll be okay in a sec,” he mumbled.
Merlin glanced over at Jaxson to make sure he was okay, peeling off a large wad of toilet paper to hold to Brandon’s nose before easing him over onto his side in the recovery position. “It’s fine, it’s okay. It looks worse than it is. He just bumped his face on the tap when he was trying to get a drink of water. He didn’t wait for me to help him. He’s a pain in the ass drunk, for fuck’s sake. It all looks and sounds worse than it is, I promise.”
“Dude, he said—”
“I know what he said!” Merlin cut him off, hating this was agitating him so much but he couldn’t shoulder Jaxson’s stress on top of Brandon’s and his own. “Sorry. I’m sorry. It’s just been a shit day. I get you’ve only got patchy info and all but I know he’d prefer to talk it all out with you himself. Sober, I mean. I’m sure it’s why he called you. The same reason why I went to see Damo. We had a really epic fight about him going back to work and… and we don’t know if he’s sick again, yeah? He’s had some tests. He needs to have more. We won’t know until Tara gets the results back. The thought of a relapse is terrifying and neither of us are dealing with it how we probably thought we would if it happened. Actually, I think we both kinda stuck our heads in the sand and didn’t wanna think about it happening. Maybe that’s why we’re here. You okay?”
Jaxson sat up again, nodding. “Yeah. I’m okay. Sorry. Do you need a hand?” He pushed his hair back off his face, looking at Brandon helplessly. “Are you sure this looks worse than it is?”
Merlin checked if Brandon’s bleeding nose was slowing down and was little more than a trickle now so he put the soiled bunch of tissue aside and pulled some fresh stuff off the roll. “He’s still on a pile of meds. He was gonna get drunk about a billion times quicker than a normal person. Like, I ain’t gonna spite him wanting to drink or anything but I doubt he was intending it to get this far. I gotta get him changed and into something warm. You be okay to hold these to his nose just until it stops bleeding? I think he’s gonna have a lump on his head took. He kinda face planted the tap and mirror and he got dizzy leaning over. Then puked again. He passed out in the shower chair before I barely got him rinsed off. You can see it’s a disaster zone in there. He’s a lot better. Tara gave him medical clearance to go back to work, with limitations.”
“And you guys are okay? All the other stuff aside. I can’t remember one time either of you mentioned having a fight.” Jaxson came over and relinquished Merlin of his nosebleed duty. Then he gave Merlin a small smirk. “Don’t worry, I won’t look when you strip him.”
Merlin snorted in amusement, shaking his head when he went over to the walk-in robe. “Pretty sure you’ve seen it all before, bud,” he said over his shoulder and soon returned with PJs to change Brandon into once he dried him off. “That’s the hard part, Jax. Things really are fine with us. Better than ever. It was one fight. The fight was probably because things have been great. Just don’t quote me on that. It’s gonna… he and I have shit to work through. We’ve just gotta remember to do it together.”
Even if Jaxson had seen it all before, it was long before Merlin earned the exclusive viewing rights via a wedding ring. He kept his head turned away while Merlin got Brandon out of his damp underwear, dried him off, and put the clean pyjamas on him. “What are the chances it’s a relapse? It sounded like he thinks it’s a foregone conclusion.”
“It’s not. That’s not what it was. That’s just him trying to pre-empt the blow. He was much more in denial sober.” Merlin combed Brandon’s wet hair back from his face once he towel-dried it and leaned over to kiss his forehead, covering him with the quilt and tucking him in. He made sure the towel was still over the pillow beneath his head in case he woke up sick. “It’s probably about fifty-fifty. If it’s back, it’s likely very early stages and there’s options. You just don’t wanna hear any of that shit, you know? Because it’s not what you actually really need to hear. That’s where we’re at. We wait. I know he’ll wanna talk to you about it.”
Jaxson nodded, tossing the bloody toilet paper into the bucket. He took a deep breath, then let himself release it slowly. “Okay. Then, we wait. I think you’ve got all this in hand, mate. You know what you’re doing. I’m going to leave you to it. I think you guys need the space for a bit. Unless you need me to stay for backup? I can. Trust me, I know he’s a pain in the ass drunk.”
“Thanks, Jax. It’s cool, though. I’ve got it. I think he’s run out of that particular steam. All I can say is, thank god nails can’t sink through denim. No sex drive for weeks and suddenly my dick is on a pedestal of worship. I’ll give you a shout if anything changes.” Merlin got a bottle of grape Pedialyte and a chilled glass from the little bar fridge Brandon bought after his cancer diagnosis and he realised how much time he’d be spending in bed, bringing them over to leave on Brandon’s bedside table for him. “Listen, dude… I really am sorry. You shouldn’t have found out like that. I know he’ll hate on himself for it.”
Jaxson came over and gave Merlin a hug, patting his back. “Sorry to you guys too. It fucking sucks. Fuck cancer. Seriously. Tell him to call me when he stops feeling like the Walking Dead. I’ll come over and see him. We’ll leave booze out of the equation.”
“Yeah, I don’t think he’s going to wanna touch the stuff for a few years after this.” Merlin walked up to the spiral staircase with Jax to see him off and leaned on the railing. “I’m confiscating his phone so he doesn’t drunk-dial TMZ and tell them how awesome my ass is. Thanks again, buddy. Truly. I’m glad he’s got you as backup.”
“And I’m glad he’s got you as his soul mate.” Jax gave Merlin a wave and left Brandon in his beyond capable husband hands.
LOG, COMPLETE
What: Poor Choices
Where: Merlin/Brandon's Place & Paxton/Jaxson's Place, NYC
When: After this
After reassuring Jesse about twenty times in the cab that he was fine and didn’t need him to come up with him, Merlin unlocked their apartment door with the security codes and headed inside, letting the door swing close behind him. He dumped his keys and wallet on the entrance table with a heavy sigh, then braced his hands on the edge of it, scrutinizing his appearance in the large circular mirror on the wall. His face was still a bit blotchy and swollen from the crying but he didn’t feel quite so wound up and tense now he had offloaded everything to his brothers. It didn’t change anything. Everything was still stressful and scary but Damien and Jesse were always able to offer wise words when his emotions spun into overdrive, something that had been happening a lot since he fell in love with a guy who almost died of cancer.
His gaze shifted to the aqua Venetian glass dish in the middle of the entrance table that was empty, telling him that Brandon still wasn’t home. It was habit for his husband to always empty his pockets into the dish when he got home so he didn’t lose anything important. That had become even more so now, because Brandon suffered on and off from ‘chemo brain’ where his short-term memory could be a bit spotty or vague if he was tired or having a bad day. There had been a lot of things they needed to put in place around Brandon to aid his recovery after his intensive treatment. Merlin would never not be proud of how well he had done since then. None of this latest turn of events was about that. It was so much more complicated.
Taking his phone out, Merlin brought up Brandon’s number on the screen but after just a few moments, changed his mind and shoved it back in his pocket. The last thing he wanted to do was interrupt Brandon at work if he was in the middle of something important, or even push him to talk out their fight before he was ready. They were both stressed and emotional, there was no doubt about that. That meant they could say shit they didn’t mean. Instead, he headed upstairs to their bedroom to grab his migraine medication, taking a dose of each before his pounding head turned into another nightmare situation no one needed.
He was just finishing up with the nasal spray when his phone started to ring in his pocket with an incoming FaceTime call. It was too soon for his brothers to throwing him a follow-up call just to make sure he was okay. That would happen, without a doubt, but even they knew he was an adult now and had to tackle his marriage his own way, even if he was upset. Seeing that it was Jaxson calling, Merlin frowned in confusion and accepted the call. “Hey, dude. What’s up? Are you looking for Brandon? He’s at work.”
“Yeah, no he’s not, mate. I’ve got him here and I just wanted to see if you wanted to come get him. I don’t think it’s a good idea to try to get him into a cab. Or let him out in public.” Jaxson looked over his shoulder at something, then back to Merlin on his phone. “Did you guys have a fight? I think that’s what I’ve been able to ascertain, though not 100% sure.”
“Why…?” Merlin asked hesitantly, not sure by Jaxson’s tone that he wanted to know. “Please tell me it’s just because he has gastro like Liam and not because he’s been drinking. Yeah, we had a fight. Long story.” If Brandon hadn’t been able to clearly communicate their fight to his best friend, he likely wouldn’t have communicated the why.
Jaxson scratched his temple with his fingertip. “It’s probably going to sound bad whatever I say, so let me just preface by saying this… I don’t think he’s actually had a lot to drink. But he is pretty totalled. Wait. That sounds like I think he’s been snorting coke or something. That’s not what I mean!”
Merlin exited the en-suite bathroom into his and Brandon’s bedroom, trying to see if he left his sunglasses there anywhere. “Shit. Fuck, it’s fine. It doesn’t matter. I’m coming. Don’t let him leave.”
“Not a lot of risk of that, dude,” Jaxson told him wryly. “It’s not dangerous for him to have been drinking with all his meds, is it?”
Merlin was hunting around the dresser but couldn’t see his sunnies anywhere. He didn’t have time for this shit, he had to get to Brandon. His head was just hurting too much to head out into the sunlight. He found Brandon’s but he needed his own prescription ones and now he was being reminded of why Brandon dumping his shit in the glass dish whenever he came home was probably a really smart thing for anyone, not just a recovering cancer patient. Then that train of thought reminded him of their fight and why it happened. “It’s not ideal but if it’s not really been much, it should be o—” He stopped his search and rubbed his forehead. “Actually, I dunno if it’s a good idea for me to come. Last time he was drunk with me, he said some pretty hurtful things and I don’t wanna cause another fight. Maybe he’s just better there with you?”
Jaxson was looking over his shoulder again and Merlin assumed it was to check on Brandon. “Should I be worried that you guys have had a fight and now he’s drunk? Has something happened?”
“Yeah, you should probably be kinda worried. It’s just a bit complicated. Like, we’re not breaking up or anything like that. It’s been one fight and there was a reason. That’s not what I mean.” Merlin headed for the spiral staircase and shook his head. “I’ll explain when I get there. I should be the one taking care of him if he’s totalled himself. Do you know what he was drinking? How much?”
“He called me and said he was at The Bondi and told me to come have a drink with him. I really didn’t think anything of it. We’ve had a light beer together here and there since he’s been starting to feel better, you know? He didn’t seem drunk on the call. When I got there, he had a bottle of Jim Beam on the bar near him and was definitely tipsy, so I ordered a couple of beers light beers instead. Next thing I know, before I’m barely halfway through my beer, he’s giggle-snorting at meme and nearly falling off the barstool. Granted, it was a fucking funny meme.” Jaxson scrunched his nose up and purse his lips. “I’m sorry, dude. I had no reason to think anything was wrong. The Aussie dude behind the bar said B hadn’t had a lot from the bottle of bourbon, but he knew that with leukemia after chemo and stuff, alcohol tolerance might not be as good as it used to be. Sounded like he knew B personally, so I was grateful when he offered to give me a hand to get him to a cab. Only, B brought the bottle with him and well, yeah. Realised too late it was black label. He probably would’ve been three sheets to the wind after a shot and a half. The dude’s not going to sell the exclusive to TMZ or anything, is he?”
Merlin went through to Brandon’s study to get the keys to one of his cars, preferably not any of his sports cars because they stuck out like a sore thumb. He still wasn’t used to the celebrity lifestyle, even if he was married to one of the most famous twenty-somethings in the world. Luckily, he found his sunnies on Brandon’s desk too, remembering now he dropped them there the other day after Brandon finished a Zoom call when he came home and surprised him for lunch. “Nothing to worry about. That’s Luke. Justin’s ex-boyfriend, Will, it’s his big brother. He’s close to all the Campbells. Definitely one of the good guys. Will had leukemia when he was a kid, so he gets it. Listen, I’m leaving now. If you haven’t already, get the booze off him and replace it with water at the very least. Something with electrolytes would be preferable. I won’t be long.”
About half an hour later, Merlin was pressing the buzzer to Zander and Paxton’s apartment, a place they had shared every since Zander and Beau broke up. A lot had happened around them in the wake of Brandon nearly succumbing to his fight with leukemia and subsequent — eventually — successful stem cell transplant with Merlin as his donor, while Merlin and Brandon had essentially spent many months in an isolated bubble together to protect Brandon from any potential source of infection that could kill him. Paxton had also been recovering from his health battle after being struck down by meningococcal meningitis and began to date Brandon’s best friend, Jaxson. They had both moved into Brandon’s penthouse apartment that had a vast amount of rooms all on one level and Paxton had been confined to a wheelchair at the time. It had only been a temporary arrangement, though. With Liam and Damien finally married then, they decided to get a place of their own after they had been in a shared-house arrangement with Rhys, Miles, Paxton, Zander (Paxton’s big brother) and Beau, and it was only when they were searching for their first home together as a married couple that Beau and Zander broke up when Beau decided to give things a second chance with his ex-husband, Beau.
Jaxson stayed living with Brandon and Merlin while Paxton got a place with Zander, by which time he had been coming on leaps and bounds and got back on his feet with increased mobility, no longer needing the wheelchair. Wes lived with them all too, but dating Noah, he spent just as much time at Noah’s place as he did theirs. So much had been in place for Justin’s tour but when all that got put on hold with covid, Jaxson, Wes, and Damien all had to find alternative income steams when they had all been employed to go on tour with him. Then news had broken about Justin and Sash’s accident and no one knew if Justin would ever perform on a stage again. It was a confusing and emotional time for everyone, but definitely not all bad. There were bubbles of good and happy times in amongst the challenges but predominantly, Brandon and Merlin’s life was in that insular world of his apartment until they got news his blood work finally indicated he was officially in remission.
That had been a few months ago now and since then, Brandon had been undergoing rehabilitation to regain some physical strength and a lot of therapy to come to terms with the fact he nearly died. Merlin had been seeing a therapist too, because even though the stem cell transplant ‘worked’ how it had been intended and ridded cancer cells from Brandon’s body, not having a blood relative donor left him with Graft-versus-Host Disease, a now-chronic condition he still had bad days with that saddled him with symptoms that weren’t dissimilar to what both the leukemia and chemo had caused him. So, even if he had been out the cancer woods, he hadn’t been ‘well’, per se. He had been getting better, little by little, though.
And that was what brought them here. A surreal and detached emotional wave Merlin couldn’t acclimatise with all of a sudden, which was weird because there had never not been the goal of Brandon getting back to work. None of it felt that black and white to Merlin, though, and he didn’t understand why it wasn’t feeling the same for Brandon. Clearly, he was completely out of touch with just what his husband was really feeling and he was thinking now that was what was bothering him the most. Save for a handful of days at the very beginning of their relationship when they were first getting to know each other, they had never been this out of sync with each other.
Jaxson buzzed Merlin up and met him at the door of Paxton’s place where he had been staying with him while Paxton was home in New York for a few days after being in London for work. He stepped aside for Merlin to come in. “Sorry, mate, I couldn’t get the bottle off him. I’ll totally wear it if you prefer to leave him here with me until he’s over the hangover.”
Hearing that, Merlin paused with a long-suffering slow blink, squeezing his fingers to the corners of his eyes. He rounded the corner into Paxton and Zander’s livingroom to Brandon leaning slumped over towards Zander on the sofa showing him something on his phone. “Look! Look, bud! S’my life! Cocking Fuckborough!” Brandon took a swig from the bottle but burst into a wave of laughter, shooting some of it out of his nose and dribbling the rest down the front of his very expensive designer shirt. Paxton was laughing at Brandon and Jaxson was doing his best not to, but failing.
Any other day, Merlin would’ve laughed too. “The meme?” he guessed, turning to Jaxson and really wishing he could just go home for a nap and wake up to find today didn’t happen.
Jaxson took his phone from his pocket and showed Merlin the image Brandon was pissing himself laughing at. “I think so, though we had a clearly deeply intellectual debate in the cab ride here about whether it was a real place name or not. Are you pissed?”
“That someone called a place Cocking Fuckborough? Absolutely not. It’s genius. That my drunk husband thinks our life is called that?” Merlin just pressed his lips together tightly and gave Jaxson a Look before moving into Brandon’s line of sight and while his husband was momentarily distracted by his appearance, leaned over and smoothly took the bottle from his hand and passed it off to Jaxson out of Brandon’s reach. “Hey, darlin’. You sure know how to be a masochist when you wanna be, don’t you? On a scale of one to ten, how much do you feel like you gotta hurl because I paid a fortune for these jeans and we’ve got to try to get you standing.”
Despite the smooth manoeuvre with the bottle, in hindsight, Merlin probably shouldn’t have called attention to his jeans because that’s where Brandon’s drunken gaze immediately shifted to and he broke into a grin. “Fuck, love y’dick s’much, baby. Love y’more.” He hooked his finger into one of the belt loops of Merlin’s jeans, pulling him into his lap and a hungry yet sloppy kiss.
“So, is booze the key to a dodgy libido?” Paxton wondered because he had been trying to figure out the best way to get his own body working at full capacity in the downstairs region but libido really wasn’t his issue. The urge was there, it was just the physical mechanics that didn’t always come to the party. Not through lack of trying on his and Jaxson’s part, though. He and Brandon had joked together about tribulations of problems in bed after illness but they hadn’t talked about it seriously. Brandon didn’t like to linger on certain subjects that could piss him off if he thought too much about it.
Just as Brandon was drunkenly groping his husband’s package through his jeans, he hiccupped and as soon as Merlin heard and felt that, he abruptly pulled out of the kiss, taking Brandon’s hand before he tried to unzip his fly right there in front of Jaxson and Paxton. “No, it’s really not. Jax, you might wanna grab a bucket or something. He’s still on low-dose morphine. This ain’t gonna end well. It might be better if he pukes some of it up, though. I’m gonna try to get him up so I can take him home before the hangover kicks in. I’ve got everything on hand he might need there. I’ll fucking think about why he got pissed later.” He climbed off Brandon’s lap, taking both Brandon’s hands into his. “Love you too, darlin’. We’re gonna try to stand up, okay? Then you can have as much access to my ass as you like.”
“Wait, is it dangerous that he’s mixed both?” Jaxson asked, scrambling for a minute because it wasn’t his apartment until Paxton directed him to the utility closet down the hall. He found a small blue bucket on one of the shelves and hurried back with it.
By which time, Brandon was serenading Merlin with a loud slurry rendition Livin’ On a Prayer, with Merlin (much shorter than Brandon) struggling to get his drunk ass up off the sofa. “Jeezus, you couldn’t have tried this on size before you started to put some weight back on? Oh fuck, please not the headbanging and air guitar, babe. You’re gonna make yourself sick. Probably all over me and Pax’s very clean floors.”
Jaxson took one of Brandon’s arms so Merlin wasn’t trying to take his whole height and weight alone. “Let me give you a hand, dude. I’ll come back to your place and help you get him inside too. I can get a cab back, it’s no big deal.” It took a little bit of wrangling because Brandon really was still trying to air guitar his way through the chorus but they got him to his feet, keeping a tight hold on him when he was unsteady on his feet and nearly toppled over when he tripped over his own toes.
“Jax. Heyyyyyyyyyyyy, man. I love’ya’. Y’know that? Y’were there. Jus… right there. When’was sick. Fuck, man… So sick. Y’know? Jax, dude. Jax… Jax. Guess’wat. Jax.” Brandon was patting his best friend’s shoulder, looking at Brandon woozily as if he just realised he was there. He hiccupped again a couple of times and the second turned into a burp, hand going to his mouth like he was about to throw up.
Jaxson braced himself for getting puked on because it seemed inevitable by this point. Merlin was holding the bucket at the ready but once Brandon coughed and righted himself, he went right back to patting Jax’s shoulder, trying to get his attention. He was woozily trying to focus on Jaxson’s face while taking a couple of deep swallows. “What is it, mate? What am I guessing? I love you too. You’re getting better now, though.”
“No. Nope.” Brandon gave a firm shake of his head, a little too hard, causing him to stumble in against Merlin. “S’back. All th’fuckin’ shit and… and m’still gonna die!” He burst out laughing almost hysterically to the point he dropped his head against Jaxson’s shoulder.
Merlin took in a bracing breath and let it out in a rush when he saw Jaxson pale, his mouth dropping open as he met Merlin’s gaze over the top of Brandon’s head. He couldn’t exactly stand there and have a heart-to-heart with Jaxson about what was going on while Brandon was pissed off his face and laughing so much, his eyes were watering and he was almost drooling. So, he just gave a little shake of his head, hoping Jaxson understood that it would have to wait. For now, at least. Until Brandon could talk about it with his best friend himself.
Then Brandon stopped laughing, cutting himself off with another burp mid-giggle and rubbing his hand over his chest. “I gotta piss,” he decided, trying to pull away from both of them in a direction that was the complete opposite to where the bathroom was.
“I’ll help you, darlin’. Just lean on me. I better take this.” Merlin grabbed the bucket with his other hand, holding Brandon up around his waist with the other. “Then I just need to get him home. It’s not… it’s complicated,” he tried to clarify to Jaxson before leading Brandon towards the bathroom.
It turned out to be an epic challenge to get Brandon back home in one piece. They got there in the end but it wasn’t without mess. It started with Brandon not making the toilet back at Paxton’s place and had an accident before Merlin could get his tight black jeans undone. He was too drunk to realise so Merlin figured the best course of action really was just to get him home as quickly as possible. Jaxson came with them like he offered and Merlin was grateful to the help because Brandon was so much more of a dead weight intoxicated. It wasn’t as easy manoeuvring him like this as when Merlin was nursing him while he was ill. He wasn’t combative or anything like that but he swung between some messy mix of disjointed rambling about random things, slurred singing, trying to grope and kiss Merlin, telling Jaxson how much he loved him, and as soon as Merlin got him sat in passenger’s side of the car, puking all over his lap. Then three more times in the bucket. Luckily, he had been sitting on a couple of towels so the car didn’t really cop any of it.
Jaxson stuck around once they got back to Merlin and Brandon’s in case Merlin needed help but he barely said anything. Of course, it wasn’t the first time he had seen Brandon so wasted. They used to write themselves off at parties on booze and drugs before their big fight and BFF split. It just seemed worse this time after Brandon’s drunken bombshell back at Paxton’s. There was obviously a lot more going on here than he was privy to because even though Merlin had the patience of a saint with Brandon, he also seemed… angry? Was it anger, or was he just annoyed Brandon had been drinking when he shouldn’t have?
“Jax, I need you to grab me a couple of towels from under the sink back here and grab one of the spare toilet rolls if you can.” Merlin came out of the bathroom carrying Brandon who was now out cold and dripping wet in just his black Calvin Klein boxers, his face covered in blood and smeared across the front of Merlin’s wet shirt and sleeve.
“Jesus fuck! It’s true? He’s sick again?”Jaxson shrieked, not meaning to panic but he couldn’t help freaking out. Then his brain reminded him he really didn’t do well with blood and he started to feel dizzy, putting his hand to his head. “Oh, shit…”
“Jax! Fuck’s sake! You can pass out in a minute, I need your fucking help here! Get the towels so I can lie him on the bed!” Merlin snapped.
Jaxson bolted into the bathroom and came back with the towels and roll of toilet paper. He pulled the bed quilt back and spread the towels over the sheet and pillow, stepping back so Merlin to lower Brandon onto the bed. He dropped heavily onto the side of the bed near Brandon’s feet, leaning over to put his head between his knees. “Sorry. I’ll be okay in a sec,” he mumbled.
Merlin glanced over at Jaxson to make sure he was okay, peeling off a large wad of toilet paper to hold to Brandon’s nose before easing him over onto his side in the recovery position. “It’s fine, it’s okay. It looks worse than it is. He just bumped his face on the tap when he was trying to get a drink of water. He didn’t wait for me to help him. He’s a pain in the ass drunk, for fuck’s sake. It all looks and sounds worse than it is, I promise.”
“Dude, he said—”
“I know what he said!” Merlin cut him off, hating this was agitating him so much but he couldn’t shoulder Jaxson’s stress on top of Brandon’s and his own. “Sorry. I’m sorry. It’s just been a shit day. I get you’ve only got patchy info and all but I know he’d prefer to talk it all out with you himself. Sober, I mean. I’m sure it’s why he called you. The same reason why I went to see Damo. We had a really epic fight about him going back to work and… and we don’t know if he’s sick again, yeah? He’s had some tests. He needs to have more. We won’t know until Tara gets the results back. The thought of a relapse is terrifying and neither of us are dealing with it how we probably thought we would if it happened. Actually, I think we both kinda stuck our heads in the sand and didn’t wanna think about it happening. Maybe that’s why we’re here. You okay?”
Jaxson sat up again, nodding. “Yeah. I’m okay. Sorry. Do you need a hand?” He pushed his hair back off his face, looking at Brandon helplessly. “Are you sure this looks worse than it is?”
Merlin checked if Brandon’s bleeding nose was slowing down and was little more than a trickle now so he put the soiled bunch of tissue aside and pulled some fresh stuff off the roll. “He’s still on a pile of meds. He was gonna get drunk about a billion times quicker than a normal person. Like, I ain’t gonna spite him wanting to drink or anything but I doubt he was intending it to get this far. I gotta get him changed and into something warm. You be okay to hold these to his nose just until it stops bleeding? I think he’s gonna have a lump on his head took. He kinda face planted the tap and mirror and he got dizzy leaning over. Then puked again. He passed out in the shower chair before I barely got him rinsed off. You can see it’s a disaster zone in there. He’s a lot better. Tara gave him medical clearance to go back to work, with limitations.”
“And you guys are okay? All the other stuff aside. I can’t remember one time either of you mentioned having a fight.” Jaxson came over and relinquished Merlin of his nosebleed duty. Then he gave Merlin a small smirk. “Don’t worry, I won’t look when you strip him.”
Merlin snorted in amusement, shaking his head when he went over to the walk-in robe. “Pretty sure you’ve seen it all before, bud,” he said over his shoulder and soon returned with PJs to change Brandon into once he dried him off. “That’s the hard part, Jax. Things really are fine with us. Better than ever. It was one fight. The fight was probably because things have been great. Just don’t quote me on that. It’s gonna… he and I have shit to work through. We’ve just gotta remember to do it together.”
Even if Jaxson had seen it all before, it was long before Merlin earned the exclusive viewing rights via a wedding ring. He kept his head turned away while Merlin got Brandon out of his damp underwear, dried him off, and put the clean pyjamas on him. “What are the chances it’s a relapse? It sounded like he thinks it’s a foregone conclusion.”
“It’s not. That’s not what it was. That’s just him trying to pre-empt the blow. He was much more in denial sober.” Merlin combed Brandon’s wet hair back from his face once he towel-dried it and leaned over to kiss his forehead, covering him with the quilt and tucking him in. He made sure the towel was still over the pillow beneath his head in case he woke up sick. “It’s probably about fifty-fifty. If it’s back, it’s likely very early stages and there’s options. You just don’t wanna hear any of that shit, you know? Because it’s not what you actually really need to hear. That’s where we’re at. We wait. I know he’ll wanna talk to you about it.”
Jaxson nodded, tossing the bloody toilet paper into the bucket. He took a deep breath, then let himself release it slowly. “Okay. Then, we wait. I think you’ve got all this in hand, mate. You know what you’re doing. I’m going to leave you to it. I think you guys need the space for a bit. Unless you need me to stay for backup? I can. Trust me, I know he’s a pain in the ass drunk.”
“Thanks, Jax. It’s cool, though. I’ve got it. I think he’s run out of that particular steam. All I can say is, thank god nails can’t sink through denim. No sex drive for weeks and suddenly my dick is on a pedestal of worship. I’ll give you a shout if anything changes.” Merlin got a bottle of grape Pedialyte and a chilled glass from the little bar fridge Brandon bought after his cancer diagnosis and he realised how much time he’d be spending in bed, bringing them over to leave on Brandon’s bedside table for him. “Listen, dude… I really am sorry. You shouldn’t have found out like that. I know he’ll hate on himself for it.”
Jaxson came over and gave Merlin a hug, patting his back. “Sorry to you guys too. It fucking sucks. Fuck cancer. Seriously. Tell him to call me when he stops feeling like the Walking Dead. I’ll come over and see him. We’ll leave booze out of the equation.”
“Yeah, I don’t think he’s going to wanna touch the stuff for a few years after this.” Merlin walked up to the spiral staircase with Jax to see him off and leaned on the railing. “I’m confiscating his phone so he doesn’t drunk-dial TMZ and tell them how awesome my ass is. Thanks again, buddy. Truly. I’m glad he’s got you as backup.”
“And I’m glad he’s got you as his soul mate.” Jax gave Merlin a wave and left Brandon in his beyond capable husband hands.
LOG, COMPLETE