[ TEXT MESSAGE ] To Flynn @ ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
strips4u
Dec. 12th, 2018 02:56 amlivefortodayHey, buddy. Is Jett okay? I've been trying to call him but it goes to voicemail. Brody's had an accident.
[ TEXT MESSAGE ] To Flynn @
Dec. 12th, 2018 02:56 amlivefortoday"Moonlight in Vermont."
Sep. 24th, 2018 12:20 amlivefortodayWho: Hunter Alexander and Cruz Quinlan, Arian Alcott and Trent Lamont, Jesse Hartley and Jace Hartley
What: Operation: Squad Watch
Where: Vermont Lakehouse
When: Simultaneous to this
Hunter and Cruz were lucky to have their stars align that weekend. Cruz was working on new music with Corbyn Bellerose (Ajay's dad), who lived in Vermont, and Hunter had a few rostered days off from work. He decided on the spur of the moment to drive up to Cruz to see how Cruz was getting on, visit his parents in Burlington, and together they would drop in to see how the crew were getting on at the lakehouse. He knew there had been some hiccups with both Justin and Zeke but Jesse had it all in hand like a boss. Reecy and Kyan had to go back to work so they passed the baton to Ari and Trent. Trent was going to photograph Andi's memorial so they all had memories of it and Ari needed to start some therapy work with Justin while he had a good window with Justin relaxed away from everything. Hunter wanted to check how Brody was getting on and Cruz decided to come along with him.
It was the night of the memorial so he knew the teens would all be doing their own thing as they always did. They functioned so impressively as a large and supportive group of friends but also had some wonderful romantic relationships between them. They frequently put some of the adults to shame. Hunter was so glad Brody had them all and over the moon Brody was now dating Jett. They were sweet together but Brody had been through hell and Hunter wanted to make sure he was okay. He picked Cruz up from the Bellerose Estate and the drove to the lake together after stopping for a pit-stop and some pretty fantastic sex in the backseat of the car.
They came up the path hand-in-hand and found Jesse, Jace, Ari and Trent sitting out on the front porch having coffee. "Got room for two more?" he asked, shooting them a grin. "Wow, this place is insane. I was expecting a little log cabin lined with bunk bed and an outdoor shitter. How's it all going? The lights look awesome."
What: Operation: Squad Watch
Where: Vermont Lakehouse
When: Simultaneous to this
Hunter and Cruz were lucky to have their stars align that weekend. Cruz was working on new music with Corbyn Bellerose (Ajay's dad), who lived in Vermont, and Hunter had a few rostered days off from work. He decided on the spur of the moment to drive up to Cruz to see how Cruz was getting on, visit his parents in Burlington, and together they would drop in to see how the crew were getting on at the lakehouse. He knew there had been some hiccups with both Justin and Zeke but Jesse had it all in hand like a boss. Reecy and Kyan had to go back to work so they passed the baton to Ari and Trent. Trent was going to photograph Andi's memorial so they all had memories of it and Ari needed to start some therapy work with Justin while he had a good window with Justin relaxed away from everything. Hunter wanted to check how Brody was getting on and Cruz decided to come along with him.
It was the night of the memorial so he knew the teens would all be doing their own thing as they always did. They functioned so impressively as a large and supportive group of friends but also had some wonderful romantic relationships between them. They frequently put some of the adults to shame. Hunter was so glad Brody had them all and over the moon Brody was now dating Jett. They were sweet together but Brody had been through hell and Hunter wanted to make sure he was okay. He picked Cruz up from the Bellerose Estate and the drove to the lake together after stopping for a pit-stop and some pretty fantastic sex in the backseat of the car.
They came up the path hand-in-hand and found Jesse, Jace, Ari and Trent sitting out on the front porch having coffee. "Got room for two more?" he asked, shooting them a grin. "Wow, this place is insane. I was expecting a little log cabin lined with bunk bed and an outdoor shitter. How's it all going? The lights look awesome."
beautifuldayWho: Sasha Stanford and Mark Campbell, with Hunter Alexander
What: Just keep swimming
Where: White Plains Hospital, NY
When: After this
Mark drew in a bracing breath at the door to the men’s room before pushing the door open and stepping inside. It had the typical men’s room odour to it, with the clinical antiseptic aroma intermingling. It was mostly deserted, save for the very last stall where he could see Converse high-topped feet sticking beneath the stall wall into the next cubicle. He went up to the door and knocked softly, and when he pushed it, it wasn’t locked and opened easily. “Hey, kiddo. I heard you might need some company,” he murmured.
Sasha was sitting on the floor by the toilet, seat up. His elbow was resting on the rim of the bowl, and he had his hand over his face, massaging his temples with his thumb and index finger. He took his hand away from his face and looked up at Mark, squinting against the bathroom’s fluro light and blinking slowly amidst a disoriented feeling not unlike being hungover or hit in the head. After a moment, he just gave a bit of an indifferent wave of his hand and reached up to flush the toilet.
( It wasn’t the ideal place on the floor of a cramped bathroom cubicle, but Mark still squeezed in through the door, holding it back so he didn’t accidentally hit Sasha with it... )
LOG, COMPLETE
What: Just keep swimming
Where: White Plains Hospital, NY
When: After this
Mark drew in a bracing breath at the door to the men’s room before pushing the door open and stepping inside. It had the typical men’s room odour to it, with the clinical antiseptic aroma intermingling. It was mostly deserted, save for the very last stall where he could see Converse high-topped feet sticking beneath the stall wall into the next cubicle. He went up to the door and knocked softly, and when he pushed it, it wasn’t locked and opened easily. “Hey, kiddo. I heard you might need some company,” he murmured.
Sasha was sitting on the floor by the toilet, seat up. His elbow was resting on the rim of the bowl, and he had his hand over his face, massaging his temples with his thumb and index finger. He took his hand away from his face and looked up at Mark, squinting against the bathroom’s fluro light and blinking slowly amidst a disoriented feeling not unlike being hungover or hit in the head. After a moment, he just gave a bit of an indifferent wave of his hand and reached up to flush the toilet.
( It wasn’t the ideal place on the floor of a cramped bathroom cubicle, but Mark still squeezed in through the door, holding it back so he didn’t accidentally hit Sasha with it... )
LOG, COMPLETE
aussielawyerWho: Mark Campbell, Gen Hart-Campbell, Alec Campbell, Hunter Alexander and Sasha Stanford
What: The shit that keeps on giving
Where: White Plains Hospital, NY
When: After this and this
As soon as Mark and Gen got to the hospital, they were told Justin was being prepped for emergency surgery and they needed to deal with a fuckload of paperwork. Even then, the less important of it could wait so they could see Justin before he went to surgery, so they had a whole lot more to do once he was in. They only had a chance to see him for a few minutes while he was waiting to be taken in and he was pretty out of it on painkillers and valium to calm him down before he was put under.
When they finished up all the paperwork with admin, they expected to Alec and Kade in the waiting room with Sasha, and possibly even Hunter and Cruz. Sam would be driving up from the city when his shift ended in a few hours. They were told by the receptionist of the surgical unit that Alec and Hunter were both in one of the family rooms down the hall talking to Sasha, and they would call and let her know when Mark and Gen could go through. Of course, that immediately rang same warning bells of concern with Mark because he was on edge about just about every fucking thing. Gen told him to try and stay calm if he could because it could mean anything, but Mark was immediately terrified Justin had possibly disclosed even more to Sasha over the course of recent hours because there was probably little else Sasha needed to talk to both Hunter and Alec alone about.
( He even feared maybe something pushed Sasha to the edge and he had enough, wanted to pull the plug... )
LOG, COMPLETE
What: The shit that keeps on giving
Where: White Plains Hospital, NY
When: After this and this
As soon as Mark and Gen got to the hospital, they were told Justin was being prepped for emergency surgery and they needed to deal with a fuckload of paperwork. Even then, the less important of it could wait so they could see Justin before he went to surgery, so they had a whole lot more to do once he was in. They only had a chance to see him for a few minutes while he was waiting to be taken in and he was pretty out of it on painkillers and valium to calm him down before he was put under.
When they finished up all the paperwork with admin, they expected to Alec and Kade in the waiting room with Sasha, and possibly even Hunter and Cruz. Sam would be driving up from the city when his shift ended in a few hours. They were told by the receptionist of the surgical unit that Alec and Hunter were both in one of the family rooms down the hall talking to Sasha, and they would call and let her know when Mark and Gen could go through. Of course, that immediately rang same warning bells of concern with Mark because he was on edge about just about every fucking thing. Gen told him to try and stay calm if he could because it could mean anything, but Mark was immediately terrified Justin had possibly disclosed even more to Sasha over the course of recent hours because there was probably little else Sasha needed to talk to both Hunter and Alec alone about.
( He even feared maybe something pushed Sasha to the edge and he had enough, wanted to pull the plug... )
LOG, COMPLETE
"Bad brains must always feel pain."
Jul. 16th, 2018 01:18 amlikefatherlikesonWho: Justin Campbell and Sasha Stanford with Hunter Alexander and Cruz Quinlan
What: Complications & Set-backs
Where: Four Winds, NY
When: Same time as this
Justin finally turned a corner and earned a Get Out of Jail Free card from suicide watch. At least, the type where he was walled-up in a mental hospital room with absolutely no means to harm himself, being medicated out of his mind - literally - and being pounded with a multitude of therapy tactics. The mental fatigue was steeped in every tiny sliver of his body and he had lost all track of time. What came next, though, was group therapy and circle support. You sat in a circle in a mutual safe space and those patients who achieved progress by offloading and having their problems acknowledged utilised the space to help them heal. Something that would never work for Justin, though his therapy team always hoped for the best.
He was struggling, but he reached the place he could admit to that without internalising, which his therapists saw as positive progression in overcoming his episodes of dissociative amnesia where his brain shut down on the most traumatic of things and he couldn’t recall that period of time, meaning he could literally do anything and only come around feeling hungover with no recollection. He lost large gaps of memory of his childhood to it for years, and the latest shit with his biological mother triggered it to all come surging back, sending him into a seriously incapacitating bipolar episode with associated psychosis. It was a lot of big words. He still didn’t know what a lot of it really meant. Just sounded like more and more labels.
( As always, his dad was overseeing that side of things as Justin’s legal carer... )
LOG, COMPLETE
What: Complications & Set-backs
Where: Four Winds, NY
When: Same time as this
Justin finally turned a corner and earned a Get Out of Jail Free card from suicide watch. At least, the type where he was walled-up in a mental hospital room with absolutely no means to harm himself, being medicated out of his mind - literally - and being pounded with a multitude of therapy tactics. The mental fatigue was steeped in every tiny sliver of his body and he had lost all track of time. What came next, though, was group therapy and circle support. You sat in a circle in a mutual safe space and those patients who achieved progress by offloading and having their problems acknowledged utilised the space to help them heal. Something that would never work for Justin, though his therapy team always hoped for the best.
He was struggling, but he reached the place he could admit to that without internalising, which his therapists saw as positive progression in overcoming his episodes of dissociative amnesia where his brain shut down on the most traumatic of things and he couldn’t recall that period of time, meaning he could literally do anything and only come around feeling hungover with no recollection. He lost large gaps of memory of his childhood to it for years, and the latest shit with his biological mother triggered it to all come surging back, sending him into a seriously incapacitating bipolar episode with associated psychosis. It was a lot of big words. He still didn’t know what a lot of it really meant. Just sounded like more and more labels.
( As always, his dad was overseeing that side of things as Justin’s legal carer... )
LOG, COMPLETE
"Emotionally devastating illness..."
Jun. 10th, 2018 02:44 ambeautifuldayWho: Sasha Stanford and Justin Campbell (with a little bit of Hunter Alexander too)
What: Fighting the War
Where: Four Winds, NY
When: After this and this
Hunter had the difficult job of delivering the news that Sasha was being tested for HIV along with Justin. If he had to make some sort of assumption about this entire situation, he would think it was unlikely Justin had used any sort of contaminated blade or needle on himself. But the large gap in his memory surrounding that night because he dissociated when he was psychotic, they couldn’t take any chances. Ultimately, Mark knew the best decision was to make sure Justin knew what was going on with Sasha. Anything else, it wouldn’t be important to him. If anything Justin had done had implications on Sasha, they couldn’t keep it from him. It would be worse to try to keep it from him or delay telling him.
And Sasha wanted to see Justin. He wanted to be there when Justin was told to check how he was, but Hunter spent time with Justin first. It wasn’t the best of days. Justin was depressed and struggling, so adding this revelation on top of it all was tough. The depression could be at a deep low for days or weeks or even months. You couldn’t wait for a better day because no one knew when that would come. So, Hunter sat down with Justin, Alec and Ari, explaining what had happened and why it was important Sasha was tested quickly and started on Post-Exposure Prophylaxis medication just in case. Even as a precaution, it was still hard. Which is exactly why Sasha asked to be there to see Justin after he was told, even if he hadn’t wanted visitors. Sasha would be okay with just a few minutes to promise Justin he was okay and it wasn’t his fault. Sasha would be going through the motions, getting counselling himself, but he wanted to see Justin first.
( Sasha was sitting out in the hall near Justin’s hospital room. He had bitten all his nails off and wished the fluoro lights weren’t so bright because his head was starting to ache... )
LOG, COMPLETE
What: Fighting the War
Where: Four Winds, NY
When: After this and this
Hunter had the difficult job of delivering the news that Sasha was being tested for HIV along with Justin. If he had to make some sort of assumption about this entire situation, he would think it was unlikely Justin had used any sort of contaminated blade or needle on himself. But the large gap in his memory surrounding that night because he dissociated when he was psychotic, they couldn’t take any chances. Ultimately, Mark knew the best decision was to make sure Justin knew what was going on with Sasha. Anything else, it wouldn’t be important to him. If anything Justin had done had implications on Sasha, they couldn’t keep it from him. It would be worse to try to keep it from him or delay telling him.
And Sasha wanted to see Justin. He wanted to be there when Justin was told to check how he was, but Hunter spent time with Justin first. It wasn’t the best of days. Justin was depressed and struggling, so adding this revelation on top of it all was tough. The depression could be at a deep low for days or weeks or even months. You couldn’t wait for a better day because no one knew when that would come. So, Hunter sat down with Justin, Alec and Ari, explaining what had happened and why it was important Sasha was tested quickly and started on Post-Exposure Prophylaxis medication just in case. Even as a precaution, it was still hard. Which is exactly why Sasha asked to be there to see Justin after he was told, even if he hadn’t wanted visitors. Sasha would be okay with just a few minutes to promise Justin he was okay and it wasn’t his fault. Sasha would be going through the motions, getting counselling himself, but he wanted to see Justin first.
( Sasha was sitting out in the hall near Justin’s hospital room. He had bitten all his nails off and wished the fluoro lights weren’t so bright because his head was starting to ache... )
LOG, COMPLETE
[ TEXT MESSAGE ] To Sasha @ beautifulday
May. 29th, 2018 01:00 pmlivefortodayHi Sash. I tried calling you but your phone went to voicemail. Justin's asked to see you. He's worried you're not okay.
"Your father's gone a-hunting."
May. 26th, 2018 03:25 amprivateinvestigationsWho: Clint Chevalier, Euan Fitzpatrick, Mark Campbell, James Campbell and Hunter Alexander
What: Revenge is best served murderous
Where: Chevalier-Cole-Ashwood joint, NYC
When: After this and this
Clint had his baby son expertly nursed against his shoulder when he opened the door to his pals. Normally, he would arrange a meeting like this away from home, but he was on solo daddy duty that evening. "Come in. Sorry, my hands are fucking full at the moment. Ange and Lex are away on some dirty lesbo weekend for an anniversary or some shit, and Linc's on a location shoot in Hawaii. I'm left holding the rugrat. Don't worry, he only understands sprog-speak, so your secrets're fucking safe. But I can't put him down, or he'll scream the fucking place to rubble. I dunno what's up with him, but he's a moody shit today."
He had tried everything since Angela and Lexie left at lunchtime, but all he had succeeded in was getting Zephyr to nap for about 3.4 minutes and crap his diaper what felt like about 12 times in the last hour. He was quiet and calm if Clint held him, and all hell broke loose when he tried to put him down for too long. But he was under strict orders to try to stick to a feeding schedule, at least, even if everything else went to shit. Clint wasn't quite as clueless of the process of parenthood as he used to be, but he still felt like his skills paled in comparison to those made to do this job. Like all three of the dudes arriving now to talk about a really fucking sensitive subject. Clint wasn't sure he would have the stamina Mark did to handle all he did with his kid. Clint felt sick to his stomach when he worried about what Zephyr might be like when he grew up, hoping like hell it was nothing like him, even if the kid was looking more and more like him by the day.
"You look rough, bud. I know it's not usually allowed on the menu, but if you want a drink, I'm happy to cough up. You look like you need it," Clint commented as Mark came in with his brother, James. This was some really fucking serious business and Clint wasn't surprised Mark needed back-up. He probably wasn't going to deal well with what Clint revealed here, that he had found out instigating some heavy digging into the situation that was the biological mother of Mark's kid. He nodded to Euan as he passed. "I take it all this is well off the fucking record?"
What: Revenge is best served murderous
Where: Chevalier-Cole-Ashwood joint, NYC
When: After this and this
Clint had his baby son expertly nursed against his shoulder when he opened the door to his pals. Normally, he would arrange a meeting like this away from home, but he was on solo daddy duty that evening. "Come in. Sorry, my hands are fucking full at the moment. Ange and Lex are away on some dirty lesbo weekend for an anniversary or some shit, and Linc's on a location shoot in Hawaii. I'm left holding the rugrat. Don't worry, he only understands sprog-speak, so your secrets're fucking safe. But I can't put him down, or he'll scream the fucking place to rubble. I dunno what's up with him, but he's a moody shit today."
He had tried everything since Angela and Lexie left at lunchtime, but all he had succeeded in was getting Zephyr to nap for about 3.4 minutes and crap his diaper what felt like about 12 times in the last hour. He was quiet and calm if Clint held him, and all hell broke loose when he tried to put him down for too long. But he was under strict orders to try to stick to a feeding schedule, at least, even if everything else went to shit. Clint wasn't quite as clueless of the process of parenthood as he used to be, but he still felt like his skills paled in comparison to those made to do this job. Like all three of the dudes arriving now to talk about a really fucking sensitive subject. Clint wasn't sure he would have the stamina Mark did to handle all he did with his kid. Clint felt sick to his stomach when he worried about what Zephyr might be like when he grew up, hoping like hell it was nothing like him, even if the kid was looking more and more like him by the day.
"You look rough, bud. I know it's not usually allowed on the menu, but if you want a drink, I'm happy to cough up. You look like you need it," Clint commented as Mark came in with his brother, James. This was some really fucking serious business and Clint wasn't surprised Mark needed back-up. He probably wasn't going to deal well with what Clint revealed here, that he had found out instigating some heavy digging into the situation that was the biological mother of Mark's kid. He nodded to Euan as he passed. "I take it all this is well off the fucking record?"
livefortodayWho: Hunter Alexander and Justin Campbell
What: Revealations
Where: Four Winds, Youth Psych Ward
When: After this
Hunter had the evening shift and he knew that whenever there was a self-admission during the evening that wasn’t planned or a transfer from another medical facility, it was serious and the patient was likely in immediate danger. So far, his shift had only been facilitating the after school outpatient group therapy session, his rounds, and writing up an admission that was transferred from another hospital as soon as he got to work.
He was at his desk finishing some case notes after dropping by the new patient when he got a call from the intake registrar who said they were admitting and urgent walk-in who was a self-referral. That, in itself, was unusual. Normally, even with self-referrals, they came via a doctor or hospital recommendation. As soon as he took the name, he put his pen down to rub his hand over his face and allowed himself a soft sigh. It was a name he always hoped he wouldn’t see as an inpatient again.
After a brief word with Mark, Hunter swiped his security card at the pad by the door to unlock it and went into the hospital room Justin had been admitted to. A nurse was asking Justin to confirm the details on an ID band before she secured it around his wrist. Sasha was sitting on the bed beside his, holding his hand. Justin looked like hell, but from what Mark just filled Hunter in about, he wasn’t surprised. “Are you okay if we have a little time alone together, buddy? Unless you need Sasha to stay. It’s okay if you do. But if might just be easier for you to concentrate. We can call him back at any time if you want to. He can just grab a quick coffee with your dad in the cafeteria.”
Sasha didn’t have to wait for Justin to decide and ask him either way. It wasn’t like Hunter was shoving him out of the way or saying Sasha didn’t have the right to be there. It was simply a fact that when Justin was sick, his mind was overloaded. Hunter was just trying to make the process easier for him, but it would also give Justin the privacy to talk freely with him about what had been going on. Hunter was a Nurse Practitioner with a specialty in Adolescent Mental Health and saw Justin as an outpatient for ongoing counselling. He was one of the people who Justin could open up to, but no one knew how long it would take for Justin to recover from this episode.
Nor was he on the clock to either. Justin was still a little hungover and hadn’t kept anything down in over two days, so the first thing the nurse did when he was brought to the room was hook him up to IV fluids. At this point, they just didn’t know if it was that his body was still hungover after such a harsh come-down in the wake of a bender, or because he had shut down on eating and drinking, which could be a psychological symptom. Even though initially, Mark, Alec and Sam, thought it would be worth an attempt to treat Justin at home, in his own environment, albeit on constant watch, he hadn’t made much improvement. Justin woke up that afternoon after sleeping most of the day and he told Sasha that he needed to go to hospital, or he was going to find a way to kill himself. They brought him up to Four Winds straight away.
( Standing, Sasha gave Justin a soft kiss... )
LOG, COMPLETE
What: Revealations
Where: Four Winds, Youth Psych Ward
When: After this
Hunter had the evening shift and he knew that whenever there was a self-admission during the evening that wasn’t planned or a transfer from another medical facility, it was serious and the patient was likely in immediate danger. So far, his shift had only been facilitating the after school outpatient group therapy session, his rounds, and writing up an admission that was transferred from another hospital as soon as he got to work.
He was at his desk finishing some case notes after dropping by the new patient when he got a call from the intake registrar who said they were admitting and urgent walk-in who was a self-referral. That, in itself, was unusual. Normally, even with self-referrals, they came via a doctor or hospital recommendation. As soon as he took the name, he put his pen down to rub his hand over his face and allowed himself a soft sigh. It was a name he always hoped he wouldn’t see as an inpatient again.
After a brief word with Mark, Hunter swiped his security card at the pad by the door to unlock it and went into the hospital room Justin had been admitted to. A nurse was asking Justin to confirm the details on an ID band before she secured it around his wrist. Sasha was sitting on the bed beside his, holding his hand. Justin looked like hell, but from what Mark just filled Hunter in about, he wasn’t surprised. “Are you okay if we have a little time alone together, buddy? Unless you need Sasha to stay. It’s okay if you do. But if might just be easier for you to concentrate. We can call him back at any time if you want to. He can just grab a quick coffee with your dad in the cafeteria.”
Sasha didn’t have to wait for Justin to decide and ask him either way. It wasn’t like Hunter was shoving him out of the way or saying Sasha didn’t have the right to be there. It was simply a fact that when Justin was sick, his mind was overloaded. Hunter was just trying to make the process easier for him, but it would also give Justin the privacy to talk freely with him about what had been going on. Hunter was a Nurse Practitioner with a specialty in Adolescent Mental Health and saw Justin as an outpatient for ongoing counselling. He was one of the people who Justin could open up to, but no one knew how long it would take for Justin to recover from this episode.
Nor was he on the clock to either. Justin was still a little hungover and hadn’t kept anything down in over two days, so the first thing the nurse did when he was brought to the room was hook him up to IV fluids. At this point, they just didn’t know if it was that his body was still hungover after such a harsh come-down in the wake of a bender, or because he had shut down on eating and drinking, which could be a psychological symptom. Even though initially, Mark, Alec and Sam, thought it would be worth an attempt to treat Justin at home, in his own environment, albeit on constant watch, he hadn’t made much improvement. Justin woke up that afternoon after sleeping most of the day and he told Sasha that he needed to go to hospital, or he was going to find a way to kill himself. They brought him up to Four Winds straight away.
( Standing, Sasha gave Justin a soft kiss... )
LOG, COMPLETE
beautifuldayWho: Sasha Stanford and Justin Campbell and party people!
What: Halloween Party!
Where: Hunter and Cruz's place, New Rochelle
When: Saturday night
Sasha was a bit lost when he went back into the Halloween party alone. There were countless people there, but he probably guessed around 200 costumed bodies celebrating Halloween and Hunter and Cruz's housewarming that night. The house was big enough to accommodate, and then some. Like Sasha's parents place a short drive from here, it was on the water but this place was about double the size of his parents' place. All his friends were around here somewhere but he wasn't even sure he remembered what everyone was dressed as after just having the scare he did... one that had nothing to do with Halloween.
Like planned, Sasha was dressed as David Bowie ala Ziggy Stardust and Justin had come as Freddie Mercury in that infamous Wembley yellow jacket. Of course there was a Karaoke Under Pressure duet and Justin pulled off Freddie like a boss. Everyone was having a great time partying and dancing to a frankly awesome Halloween playlist. Hunter and Cruz definitely knew how to party like rockstars, considering Cruz was one, a reminder of which was the rest of his band, Sinful Effigy, mingling amongst the party guests.
But right in the middle of the dancefloor a little while ago, with seemingly little warning, Justin started to have what ultimately turned into a severe panic attack. Sasha knew it was 'seemingly' little warning because he had been close enough to Justin tonight and throughout the week to know that it wasn't completely out of the blue. Justin knew he had been manic this week, probably somewhere in the middle of the mild to moderate phase. Still, until tonight, it was controlled. He had a handle on it. Until he didn't. Justin had been having a good time at the party, but he was only managing it by pulling back from the crowds and sticking near his family and friends. People had tried to come up to him to chat and after brief smalltalk, he excusing himself from the conversation.
Still, Sasha had to give his boyfriend points for trying. Justin enjoyed the Karaoke and chilling with Cruz chatting about music. He danced with Sasha for a bit and then some of their friends, but again, he ended up near a wall people-watching away from where random bodies would keep bumping into him. He had still wanted to dance with Sasha, though. He braved the sea of bodies again to dance with Sasha, but Sasha noticed this time Justin was clinging to him, gripping the back of Sasha's shirt in handfuls with his nails only narrowly avoiding sinking into Sasha's flesh through the cotton. That was Sasha's warning.
It was mere minutes Justin was having a panic attack. He went whiter than his tight Freddie Mercury pants, broke out into a sweat so heavy it was beading off his face like spilt milk, and he was hyperventilating to the point he couldn't breathe. At first, Sasha didn't even realise it was a panic attack. He freaked out thinking Justin was having another relapse of his drug reaction but thankfully Ari was nearby and intervened, identifying what was probably happening. They helped Justin outside, away from as many bodies they could manage, which involved desperately begging people to just go back inside. Justin was shaking so much all over, he couldn't even hold a cup of water to sip it so Sasha had to help him drink.
Sasha didn't know who it was that got Mark, but he knew Justin definitely needed his dad. He even came to be asking for Mark as he sat on deckchair outside gripping Sasha's hand. Ultimately, Sasha found himself back inside at the party alone because Justin needed the time with just his dad so he could calm down. He hadn't wanted Sasha to go, so Sasha promised he would come back out soon. He grabbed a Diet Coke from a waitress passing by and hovered just inside the door, rubbing his forehead through a sigh of relief that what just happened was ultimately serious. Scary, and concerning that Justin's anxiety was exacerbated, but he wasn't seriously ill. Just yet another part of the mental illness landscape.
What: Halloween Party!
Where: Hunter and Cruz's place, New Rochelle
When: Saturday night
Sasha was a bit lost when he went back into the Halloween party alone. There were countless people there, but he probably guessed around 200 costumed bodies celebrating Halloween and Hunter and Cruz's housewarming that night. The house was big enough to accommodate, and then some. Like Sasha's parents place a short drive from here, it was on the water but this place was about double the size of his parents' place. All his friends were around here somewhere but he wasn't even sure he remembered what everyone was dressed as after just having the scare he did... one that had nothing to do with Halloween.
Like planned, Sasha was dressed as David Bowie ala Ziggy Stardust and Justin had come as Freddie Mercury in that infamous Wembley yellow jacket. Of course there was a Karaoke Under Pressure duet and Justin pulled off Freddie like a boss. Everyone was having a great time partying and dancing to a frankly awesome Halloween playlist. Hunter and Cruz definitely knew how to party like rockstars, considering Cruz was one, a reminder of which was the rest of his band, Sinful Effigy, mingling amongst the party guests.
But right in the middle of the dancefloor a little while ago, with seemingly little warning, Justin started to have what ultimately turned into a severe panic attack. Sasha knew it was 'seemingly' little warning because he had been close enough to Justin tonight and throughout the week to know that it wasn't completely out of the blue. Justin knew he had been manic this week, probably somewhere in the middle of the mild to moderate phase. Still, until tonight, it was controlled. He had a handle on it. Until he didn't. Justin had been having a good time at the party, but he was only managing it by pulling back from the crowds and sticking near his family and friends. People had tried to come up to him to chat and after brief smalltalk, he excusing himself from the conversation.
Still, Sasha had to give his boyfriend points for trying. Justin enjoyed the Karaoke and chilling with Cruz chatting about music. He danced with Sasha for a bit and then some of their friends, but again, he ended up near a wall people-watching away from where random bodies would keep bumping into him. He had still wanted to dance with Sasha, though. He braved the sea of bodies again to dance with Sasha, but Sasha noticed this time Justin was clinging to him, gripping the back of Sasha's shirt in handfuls with his nails only narrowly avoiding sinking into Sasha's flesh through the cotton. That was Sasha's warning.
It was mere minutes Justin was having a panic attack. He went whiter than his tight Freddie Mercury pants, broke out into a sweat so heavy it was beading off his face like spilt milk, and he was hyperventilating to the point he couldn't breathe. At first, Sasha didn't even realise it was a panic attack. He freaked out thinking Justin was having another relapse of his drug reaction but thankfully Ari was nearby and intervened, identifying what was probably happening. They helped Justin outside, away from as many bodies they could manage, which involved desperately begging people to just go back inside. Justin was shaking so much all over, he couldn't even hold a cup of water to sip it so Sasha had to help him drink.
Sasha didn't know who it was that got Mark, but he knew Justin definitely needed his dad. He even came to be asking for Mark as he sat on deckchair outside gripping Sasha's hand. Ultimately, Sasha found himself back inside at the party alone because Justin needed the time with just his dad so he could calm down. He hadn't wanted Sasha to go, so Sasha promised he would come back out soon. He grabbed a Diet Coke from a waitress passing by and hovered just inside the door, rubbing his forehead through a sigh of relief that what just happened was ultimately serious. Scary, and concerning that Justin's anxiety was exacerbated, but he wasn't seriously ill. Just yet another part of the mental illness landscape.
[ FACEBOOK ] with Cruz Quinlan
Sep. 1st, 2017 04:43 pmlivefortodayThat completely awesome moment when your other half tells you he bought a house for you as a wedding present and it turns out to be a fucking mansion #marriedarockstar #highlife #surprise
( Is this real life? )
( Is this real life? )
[ FACEBOOK ] with Cruz Quinlan
Aug. 4th, 2017 02:00 amlivefortodayCruising the south of France in a luxury yacht for our honeymoon. Holy shit, is this lifestyle out of my comfort zone.
[ FACEBOOK ] with Cruz Quinlan
Jul. 30th, 2017 10:06 pmlivefortodayHunter Alexander shared a link.
EXCLUSIVE SINFUL EFFIGY SCOOP! Cruz Quinlan: I'm queer, gay and married to a pansexual man
EXCLUSIVE SINFUL EFFIGY SCOOP! Cruz Quinlan: I'm queer, gay and married to a pansexual man
"Did you ever know that you're my hero."
Jul. 30th, 2017 09:37 pmcolourmefreeWho: Cruz Quinlan and Hunter Alexander
What: Mon époux...
Where: Las Vegas, Nevada
When: Saturday night, after this
Hunter might have been with Cruz when he selected his own wedding outfit, but he could never have anticipated he would look this amazing. Cruz had chosen a red silk lace Gucci top with a black leather corset beneath it. It had been paired with very tight-fitting slender black silk pants with a fly that laced up with a velvet ribbon. On the face of it, it looked like almost a gothic outfit, but Cruz paired it with black knee-high heeled boots with roses embroidered up the sides, a ruby choker necklace and he was wearing makeup. Nothing subtle. Heavy smoky eye makeup with guyliner, deep red lipstick and red nail polish. His hair was chin-length now and he wore it loose around his face. Hunter was pretty sure he fell in love with him all over again as soon as he saw him arrive in the beautiful function hall that the wedding planner had transformed for them.
He hadn’t known how far Cruz was ready to take everything today, but he knew you didn’t just throw together a look like this unless you were feeling it naturally inside you. With Cruz’s latest revelation, Hunter realised right along that the signs were there from that first moment he met Cruz. Out on that high ledge of the apartment building, Cruz had been wearing makeup. Had more precipitated that breakdown? So very likely, now that he thought about it and now he had Cruz’s direct confirmation. Cruz eased into the whole thing weeks ago by framing it as a kink. It was never a kink. It was his identity, which he now finally had the courage to open up about.
( Cruz was stunning. Hunter couldn’t take his eyes off him. Something just fell into place in that moment... )
LOG, COMPLETE
What: Mon époux...
Where: Las Vegas, Nevada
When: Saturday night, after this
Hunter might have been with Cruz when he selected his own wedding outfit, but he could never have anticipated he would look this amazing. Cruz had chosen a red silk lace Gucci top with a black leather corset beneath it. It had been paired with very tight-fitting slender black silk pants with a fly that laced up with a velvet ribbon. On the face of it, it looked like almost a gothic outfit, but Cruz paired it with black knee-high heeled boots with roses embroidered up the sides, a ruby choker necklace and he was wearing makeup. Nothing subtle. Heavy smoky eye makeup with guyliner, deep red lipstick and red nail polish. His hair was chin-length now and he wore it loose around his face. Hunter was pretty sure he fell in love with him all over again as soon as he saw him arrive in the beautiful function hall that the wedding planner had transformed for them.
He hadn’t known how far Cruz was ready to take everything today, but he knew you didn’t just throw together a look like this unless you were feeling it naturally inside you. With Cruz’s latest revelation, Hunter realised right along that the signs were there from that first moment he met Cruz. Out on that high ledge of the apartment building, Cruz had been wearing makeup. Had more precipitated that breakdown? So very likely, now that he thought about it and now he had Cruz’s direct confirmation. Cruz eased into the whole thing weeks ago by framing it as a kink. It was never a kink. It was his identity, which he now finally had the courage to open up about.
( Cruz was stunning. Hunter couldn’t take his eyes off him. Something just fell into place in that moment... )
LOG, COMPLETE
[ FACEBOOK ] with Cruz Quinlan
Jul. 29th, 2017 10:03 pmlivefortodayHappy Wedding Day, babe. Any time you feel like you're falling to pieces, I'll pick you and love every single part of you ♥
colourmefreeWho: Cruz Quinlan and Hunter Alexander
What: Revelations
Where: Las Vegas, NV
When: Saturday afternoon
Hunter and Cruz’s choice to get married didn’t turn out as impromptu as it could have been. Ultimately, Cruz contacted his mates in the band to come because they were like brothers to him, and Hunter wanted his brothers there. Which turned into his parents wanting to be there too, so they flew into Vermont for it. Initially, what was only a brief ceremony and then maybe a meal at a fancy restaurant after, turned into a little more of an event. They hired on a nice function room in the hotel with views over Vegas, and Hunter’s mom found a wedding planner to help throw together something sweet and intimate. Meanwhile, Cruz mostly slept through the whole thing, but Hunter said it gave his family some nice bonding time. He, Darius and their mum went to shop for wedding outfits together, and their dad took Brody and Harry to do some touristy things together. Cruz, still in recovery mode, didn’t have a lot of energy so he stuck to his doctor’s orders bed rest for most of the time and focused on recuperating.
Cruz expected either he or Hunter to get cold feet, but they didn’t. Not as they days ticked away and the date they secured to tie the knot drew near. Now, it was a couple of hours before the evening booking and Hunter came out of the shower, freshly washed, in nothing but a towel. Cruz was sitting on the bed in some track pants and an Aran sweater. The airconditioning made him feel a little cold, even if they were in the middle of the desert. “Babe? Can you come sit for a minute? I want to talk to you about something. Don’t worry, I’m not changing my mind. Something’s been on my mind, and I want to bounce it off you, I guess.” He patted the spot beside him on the bed where he was sipping a cup of freshly brewed tea not long brought up by room service.
( Hunter came to sit beside him, brushing Cruz’s hair back from his face... )
LOG, COMPLETE
What: Revelations
Where: Las Vegas, NV
When: Saturday afternoon
Hunter and Cruz’s choice to get married didn’t turn out as impromptu as it could have been. Ultimately, Cruz contacted his mates in the band to come because they were like brothers to him, and Hunter wanted his brothers there. Which turned into his parents wanting to be there too, so they flew into Vermont for it. Initially, what was only a brief ceremony and then maybe a meal at a fancy restaurant after, turned into a little more of an event. They hired on a nice function room in the hotel with views over Vegas, and Hunter’s mom found a wedding planner to help throw together something sweet and intimate. Meanwhile, Cruz mostly slept through the whole thing, but Hunter said it gave his family some nice bonding time. He, Darius and their mum went to shop for wedding outfits together, and their dad took Brody and Harry to do some touristy things together. Cruz, still in recovery mode, didn’t have a lot of energy so he stuck to his doctor’s orders bed rest for most of the time and focused on recuperating.
Cruz expected either he or Hunter to get cold feet, but they didn’t. Not as they days ticked away and the date they secured to tie the knot drew near. Now, it was a couple of hours before the evening booking and Hunter came out of the shower, freshly washed, in nothing but a towel. Cruz was sitting on the bed in some track pants and an Aran sweater. The airconditioning made him feel a little cold, even if they were in the middle of the desert. “Babe? Can you come sit for a minute? I want to talk to you about something. Don’t worry, I’m not changing my mind. Something’s been on my mind, and I want to bounce it off you, I guess.” He patted the spot beside him on the bed where he was sipping a cup of freshly brewed tea not long brought up by room service.
( Hunter came to sit beside him, brushing Cruz’s hair back from his face... )
LOG, COMPLETE
[ TEXT MESSAGE ] To Darius @ breathelife
Jul. 13th, 2017 01:39 pmlivefortodayHey, buddy - are you sitting down, I need to tell you something. Also, have you by any chance heard from Brant? Cruz hasn't been able to get in touch with him.
livefortodayWho: Hunter Alexander and Cruz Quinlan
What: The path to healing
Where: Las Vegas, Nevada
When: Wednesday night
Finally, Cruz was discharged from hospital. It was an early discharge, and his doctors were reluctant with it, but Hunter being a nurse had some swing in the decision-making process. The main reason was because Cruz’s mental health didn’t seem to be getting better. He was so on edge being stuck in the hospital. It was beyond cabin fever, it seemed to be exacerbating everything and stalling his recovery.
Hunter had to make the road trip home a thing. He knew right deep down in his soul that it would be healing for Cruz to have that breathing space and time to clear his head. It would also be good for their relationship, because travelling in a car together, no buffers of other people, or even drugs and alcohol, to intervene of Cruz’s health. Cruz was still weak and it was obvious he was unwell. He was still deathly pale and his eyes were bloodshot, sunken in dark circles lying beneath them. He had lost a lot of weight too. Too much. He was skin and bones, and his clothing hung from him. He could only walk small distances before he tired out, and even though he was eating more than he had been, it was piecemeal. But Hunter knew it was a work-in-progress.
( They set out from LA towards Vegas... )
LOG, COMPLETE
What: The path to healing
Where: Las Vegas, Nevada
When: Wednesday night
Finally, Cruz was discharged from hospital. It was an early discharge, and his doctors were reluctant with it, but Hunter being a nurse had some swing in the decision-making process. The main reason was because Cruz’s mental health didn’t seem to be getting better. He was so on edge being stuck in the hospital. It was beyond cabin fever, it seemed to be exacerbating everything and stalling his recovery.
Hunter had to make the road trip home a thing. He knew right deep down in his soul that it would be healing for Cruz to have that breathing space and time to clear his head. It would also be good for their relationship, because travelling in a car together, no buffers of other people, or even drugs and alcohol, to intervene of Cruz’s health. Cruz was still weak and it was obvious he was unwell. He was still deathly pale and his eyes were bloodshot, sunken in dark circles lying beneath them. He had lost a lot of weight too. Too much. He was skin and bones, and his clothing hung from him. He could only walk small distances before he tired out, and even though he was eating more than he had been, it was piecemeal. But Hunter knew it was a work-in-progress.
( They set out from LA towards Vegas... )
LOG, COMPLETE
burningeffigyWho: Brant Fox and Cruz Quinlan + Hunter and Darius Alexander
What: Post dust-settling plans
Where: California
When: Sunday morning
According to Hunter, Cruz had been recovering steadily to the point he was able to be moved from the ICU. He was up to seeing Brant now, but had deflected all other visitors but Hunter up to now. Brant knew he couldn't take that personally. Cruz's mind had been under a lot of pressure and everyone just had to sit the fuck down and wait until he was ready to dip his toes back into life again. He nearly killed himself. That was a terrible thing. There was a lot of speculation and rumours. The band had loads of questions, understandably. The press release had been simple and to the point. Cruz had suffered a medical emergency at Coachella, he had survived, but was in a critical condition - at the time of the release - and he was in good hands of medical professionals. It requested understanding on privacy for him, the band, and his family. Management would update on his condition once they knew more.
Nothing was said about drugs, suicide, or Cruz outing himself when he was trashed. Their PR team wanted to meet about the whole thing once Cruz was feeling better, but for now, everyone was taking some time off to recover from the ordeal. Brant needed it. He was completely wiped out from it, likely a hangover from the terror or finding Cruz like that. He had been having recurring nightmares about it, but through all the pain, there was this tiny supportive light in Darius. Darius let him talk it all out. He helped him identify that he was traumatised, and had gone and caught a bug because he was run down. He told Brant it was important to seek professional therapy once he got back to New York, but until then, he had been an amazing listener.
Finally, Hunter said Cruz was up to seeing Brant. It took days to get to that point. Brant had contemplated going back to New York, thinking Cruz wouldn't want to talk to him at all. It got there, and he was ultimately glad he decided to stay. Hunter came out of Cruz's hospital room, gave Brant a small smile and a reassuring pat on the back. Brant glanced at Darius, who had come to the hospital with him. Darius gave him a brief hug of encouragement. Brant knew he was nervous, which was surreal to be feeling because he had never felt nerves in regards to Cruz before. He knew he didn't want to make Cruz's situation worse for him, and didn't want Cruz to feel he was sticking his nose into his business. But he had to grab his balls and go in, because Cruz was like a brother to him. Perhaps more now than ever before.
He went inside, and balked at how ill Cruz looked. He thought he was prepared for that. He wasn't. "Fuck, mate..." he mumbled, feeling the emotions kicking in. So, he just went over to Cruz's bedside and leaned over to give him a careful hug. "I'm here for you, yeah? I need you to know that."
What: Post dust-settling plans
Where: California
When: Sunday morning
According to Hunter, Cruz had been recovering steadily to the point he was able to be moved from the ICU. He was up to seeing Brant now, but had deflected all other visitors but Hunter up to now. Brant knew he couldn't take that personally. Cruz's mind had been under a lot of pressure and everyone just had to sit the fuck down and wait until he was ready to dip his toes back into life again. He nearly killed himself. That was a terrible thing. There was a lot of speculation and rumours. The band had loads of questions, understandably. The press release had been simple and to the point. Cruz had suffered a medical emergency at Coachella, he had survived, but was in a critical condition - at the time of the release - and he was in good hands of medical professionals. It requested understanding on privacy for him, the band, and his family. Management would update on his condition once they knew more.
Nothing was said about drugs, suicide, or Cruz outing himself when he was trashed. Their PR team wanted to meet about the whole thing once Cruz was feeling better, but for now, everyone was taking some time off to recover from the ordeal. Brant needed it. He was completely wiped out from it, likely a hangover from the terror or finding Cruz like that. He had been having recurring nightmares about it, but through all the pain, there was this tiny supportive light in Darius. Darius let him talk it all out. He helped him identify that he was traumatised, and had gone and caught a bug because he was run down. He told Brant it was important to seek professional therapy once he got back to New York, but until then, he had been an amazing listener.
Finally, Hunter said Cruz was up to seeing Brant. It took days to get to that point. Brant had contemplated going back to New York, thinking Cruz wouldn't want to talk to him at all. It got there, and he was ultimately glad he decided to stay. Hunter came out of Cruz's hospital room, gave Brant a small smile and a reassuring pat on the back. Brant glanced at Darius, who had come to the hospital with him. Darius gave him a brief hug of encouragement. Brant knew he was nervous, which was surreal to be feeling because he had never felt nerves in regards to Cruz before. He knew he didn't want to make Cruz's situation worse for him, and didn't want Cruz to feel he was sticking his nose into his business. But he had to grab his balls and go in, because Cruz was like a brother to him. Perhaps more now than ever before.
He went inside, and balked at how ill Cruz looked. He thought he was prepared for that. He wasn't. "Fuck, mate..." he mumbled, feeling the emotions kicking in. So, he just went over to Cruz's bedside and leaned over to give him a careful hug. "I'm here for you, yeah? I need you to know that."
"You made me worry without any warning."
Apr. 30th, 2017 02:44 pmlivefortodayWho: Hunter Alexander and Cruz Quinlan
What: Taking each day as it comes
Where: California
When: Saturday evening
It had been a tough 48 hours, give or take. Trying to assess Cruz to see if he could oxygenate on his own, see if he had decreased cognitive functioning, examining if he had all basic functioning intact. And finally, a psych assessment. Hunter stuck close, but for most of it, he wasn't in the room. He had to hold back and trust that the medical staff knew what they were doing and his partner was in their good hands. It was hard. He was struggling emotionally. It wasn't really guilt anymore, but the fear of the unknown. What happened next would boil down to whether Cruz had completely intention to take his own life, or whether it was a result of a drug-induced psychotic episode. The signs certainly pointed to the latter, the most telling of which was the fact he had multiple methods in place to complete. But that could also mean ugly demons reared up in his mind and tried to wager a war against himself.
Gradually, Cruz jumped the hurdles. When his gag reflex had started to kick in, it was a sign he was regaining control of his own breathing, though they kept him on the respirator and weaned him off it. He was initially confused and disoriented, not even remembering how to spell his name, but slowly, he picked up and became more lucid. Hunter had just finished a care conference with Cruz's doctors, including the psychiatrist. Cruz wasn't giving consent for anyone else to be involved in his care. Apparently he had downright refused anyone else being told anything but Hunter when he was asked. Not his management team, not PA, not any members of the band. Just Hunter.
So, Hunter was now equipped with more knowledge and he could feel that sick, cold knot of dread in his gut uncoiling just a little. Cruz had no recollection of intent to kill himself this time. He actually remembered very little of Coachella beyond arriving there and snippets of the argument with Hunter. Though, the way the Cruz had responded to the questions, the psychiatrist seemed to think Cruz's recollection of it was more like an outer-body experience. He was psychologically disconnected from it, which was a key signal that he had suffered a psychotic episode. He had almost completely blanked it out. The arsenal of suicide methods he had armed up for really was a result of his brain turning on itself. It was terrifying, yet the relief came in finally having some answers... and finally have Cruz awake and responsive.
After that, Cruz had crashed out when they administered some painkillers and this time, a light sedative. It was important he rested now to begin to heal. So, again, Hunter waited. He knew he would wait for Cruz as long as he needed. But this time, he slept in the recliner armchair by the window. Cruz was still sleeping when he woke about five hours later. He freshened up in the men's room, and Darius came by with some clean clothes for him. Darius said he was going to have to fly home for work the next day, and hinted that Brant maybe wanted to go with him. Was something going on there? Hunter wanted to interrogate his twin, but he nudged it aside for later.
Cruz woke up a little while later. Hunter was sitting on the edge of his bed, gently feathering his fingers through Cruz's hair. Waking was a struggle for him. He was experiencing something akin to motion sickness or vertigo every time he woke. Hunter was at the ready with a sick bag because Cruz had been having vomiting bouts with the dizziness and sensory overload when he woke. This time was no different. Even being sick was a draining effort because his body had been to hell and back. There was nothing much in him to come out, but his brain didn't know that. But it was never going to be an easy journey coming out of all this. It was a lot less glamorous than they made it out in movies and TV shows.
"It's okay, sweetheart. I know it's fucking tough," he murmured, standing once Cruz stopped being sick. There was an ever-present cloth in a cool stainless steel bowl of water, so he wiped his face and mouth gently. He went out to give the nurse the bag to discard and came back with a cup of chilled water from the cooler. He sat beside Cruz again and held it to his lips. "Just small sips, love, or you'll start choking again."
What: Taking each day as it comes
Where: California
When: Saturday evening
It had been a tough 48 hours, give or take. Trying to assess Cruz to see if he could oxygenate on his own, see if he had decreased cognitive functioning, examining if he had all basic functioning intact. And finally, a psych assessment. Hunter stuck close, but for most of it, he wasn't in the room. He had to hold back and trust that the medical staff knew what they were doing and his partner was in their good hands. It was hard. He was struggling emotionally. It wasn't really guilt anymore, but the fear of the unknown. What happened next would boil down to whether Cruz had completely intention to take his own life, or whether it was a result of a drug-induced psychotic episode. The signs certainly pointed to the latter, the most telling of which was the fact he had multiple methods in place to complete. But that could also mean ugly demons reared up in his mind and tried to wager a war against himself.
Gradually, Cruz jumped the hurdles. When his gag reflex had started to kick in, it was a sign he was regaining control of his own breathing, though they kept him on the respirator and weaned him off it. He was initially confused and disoriented, not even remembering how to spell his name, but slowly, he picked up and became more lucid. Hunter had just finished a care conference with Cruz's doctors, including the psychiatrist. Cruz wasn't giving consent for anyone else to be involved in his care. Apparently he had downright refused anyone else being told anything but Hunter when he was asked. Not his management team, not PA, not any members of the band. Just Hunter.
So, Hunter was now equipped with more knowledge and he could feel that sick, cold knot of dread in his gut uncoiling just a little. Cruz had no recollection of intent to kill himself this time. He actually remembered very little of Coachella beyond arriving there and snippets of the argument with Hunter. Though, the way the Cruz had responded to the questions, the psychiatrist seemed to think Cruz's recollection of it was more like an outer-body experience. He was psychologically disconnected from it, which was a key signal that he had suffered a psychotic episode. He had almost completely blanked it out. The arsenal of suicide methods he had armed up for really was a result of his brain turning on itself. It was terrifying, yet the relief came in finally having some answers... and finally have Cruz awake and responsive.
After that, Cruz had crashed out when they administered some painkillers and this time, a light sedative. It was important he rested now to begin to heal. So, again, Hunter waited. He knew he would wait for Cruz as long as he needed. But this time, he slept in the recliner armchair by the window. Cruz was still sleeping when he woke about five hours later. He freshened up in the men's room, and Darius came by with some clean clothes for him. Darius said he was going to have to fly home for work the next day, and hinted that Brant maybe wanted to go with him. Was something going on there? Hunter wanted to interrogate his twin, but he nudged it aside for later.
Cruz woke up a little while later. Hunter was sitting on the edge of his bed, gently feathering his fingers through Cruz's hair. Waking was a struggle for him. He was experiencing something akin to motion sickness or vertigo every time he woke. Hunter was at the ready with a sick bag because Cruz had been having vomiting bouts with the dizziness and sensory overload when he woke. This time was no different. Even being sick was a draining effort because his body had been to hell and back. There was nothing much in him to come out, but his brain didn't know that. But it was never going to be an easy journey coming out of all this. It was a lot less glamorous than they made it out in movies and TV shows.
"It's okay, sweetheart. I know it's fucking tough," he murmured, standing once Cruz stopped being sick. There was an ever-present cloth in a cool stainless steel bowl of water, so he wiped his face and mouth gently. He went out to give the nurse the bag to discard and came back with a cup of chilled water from the cooler. He sat beside Cruz again and held it to his lips. "Just small sips, love, or you'll start choking again."
"The only hope for me is you."
Apr. 29th, 2017 06:54 pmlivefortodayWho: Hunter Alexander with Cruz Quinlan
What: Hope
Where: California
When: Friday night
There had been little in the way of progress with Cruz's condition until the last couple of days. He seemed to turn a corner when hit vitals began to pick up a little and they could upgrade his condition from unstable to stable. It was a good sign, because not knowing was the worst of it. For those critical and unstable days, any moment could mean Cruz went into cardiac or respiratory arrest that they may not be able to pull him back from.
Hunter and Darius continued to take turns sitting with him. Darius wouldn't let Hunter not sleep and eat. It was Darius' job as Hunter's twin to take care of him. It would be so easy for Hunter to give up on himself. He had a broken heart, and that could knock you down so far that you forgot how to get back up again. Eating when you weren't hungry was difficult, showering and dressing when you were exhausted down to your core was tough. Going through the most simple of motions day in, day out, to just keep going. Hunter was struggling. And it was painful because he knew this was the first time he had ever truly been in love. It couldn't end like this. He wasn't ready to lose Cruz so soon. Or ever.
( Cruz wouldn't have a classic awakening. Not in the sense people might assume a person who had been battling for their life might regain consciousness... )
NARRATIVE, COMPLETE
What: Hope
Where: California
When: Friday night
There had been little in the way of progress with Cruz's condition until the last couple of days. He seemed to turn a corner when hit vitals began to pick up a little and they could upgrade his condition from unstable to stable. It was a good sign, because not knowing was the worst of it. For those critical and unstable days, any moment could mean Cruz went into cardiac or respiratory arrest that they may not be able to pull him back from.
Hunter and Darius continued to take turns sitting with him. Darius wouldn't let Hunter not sleep and eat. It was Darius' job as Hunter's twin to take care of him. It would be so easy for Hunter to give up on himself. He had a broken heart, and that could knock you down so far that you forgot how to get back up again. Eating when you weren't hungry was difficult, showering and dressing when you were exhausted down to your core was tough. Going through the most simple of motions day in, day out, to just keep going. Hunter was struggling. And it was painful because he knew this was the first time he had ever truly been in love. It couldn't end like this. He wasn't ready to lose Cruz so soon. Or ever.
( Cruz wouldn't have a classic awakening. Not in the sense people might assume a person who had been battling for their life might regain consciousness... )
NARRATIVE, COMPLETE
"This year's love had better last..."
Apr. 25th, 2017 02:20 pmlivefortodayWho: Just Hunter
What: Digging deeper
Where: California
When: After this and this
Hunter didn't sleep. At least, not right away. He felt a little bit better knowing Darius would be sitting with Cruz for now. Hunter had been battling a crippling anxiety that Cruz was going to die. He couldn't shake the knot in his gut. He knew it was spanning from his past trauma of losing Charlie, but the black and white of it was that Cruz was in a critical condition. He could die. Hunter didn't want him to be alone if he did.
Darius was right. He had to try to sleep. But now the seed was planted querying whether Cruz might have been experiencing a drug-induced psychosis, Hunter couldn't stop thinking about it. He thought back to their argument, and how Cruz seemed like a different person completely. Hunter didn't need to ask him if he had taken something. You could see it. Cruz's eyes had changed. Not just in the bloodshot, dilated pupils sort of way... even if that was present. They were dark, flat, not focusing. The Cruz Hunter loved wasn't there in that moment.
( The signs of Cruz's crumbling mental health had already been there... )
NARRATIVE, COMPLETE
What: Digging deeper
Where: California
When: After this and this
Hunter didn't sleep. At least, not right away. He felt a little bit better knowing Darius would be sitting with Cruz for now. Hunter had been battling a crippling anxiety that Cruz was going to die. He couldn't shake the knot in his gut. He knew it was spanning from his past trauma of losing Charlie, but the black and white of it was that Cruz was in a critical condition. He could die. Hunter didn't want him to be alone if he did.
Darius was right. He had to try to sleep. But now the seed was planted querying whether Cruz might have been experiencing a drug-induced psychosis, Hunter couldn't stop thinking about it. He thought back to their argument, and how Cruz seemed like a different person completely. Hunter didn't need to ask him if he had taken something. You could see it. Cruz's eyes had changed. Not just in the bloodshot, dilated pupils sort of way... even if that was present. They were dark, flat, not focusing. The Cruz Hunter loved wasn't there in that moment.
( The signs of Cruz's crumbling mental health had already been there... )
NARRATIVE, COMPLETE
[ TEXT MESSAGE ] To Hunter @ livefortoday
Apr. 25th, 2017 02:44 ambreathelifeOn a scale of 1-10, how suicidal would you think Cruz could have been the last time you saw him?
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muserevival | 145.4. Drabble
Apr. 21st, 2017 02:03 pmlivefortodayTherapy @ muserevival
Hunter could feel himself going through the grief process. No two people went through it the same way, and even though it was called a 'process', the stages could come at any time, in any order. He was going to need some sort of therapy for all this. He thought he had more strength because he was a counsellor himself, but you needed more than strength when the person you loved was in danger and had been hurt. He was barely keeping it together. And worse, he was on the opposite side of the country, hundreds of miles away from home.
( He had been up all night, angry that something like Coachella existed, and maybe Cruz could have dodged this horrific bullet of attempting suicide if the temptations hadn't been there right at his fingertips. It was misguided anger, though... )
muserevivalHunter could feel himself going through the grief process. No two people went through it the same way, and even though it was called a 'process', the stages could come at any time, in any order. He was going to need some sort of therapy for all this. He thought he had more strength because he was a counsellor himself, but you needed more than strength when the person you loved was in danger and had been hurt. He was barely keeping it together. And worse, he was on the opposite side of the country, hundreds of miles away from home.
( He had been up all night, angry that something like Coachella existed, and maybe Cruz could have dodged this horrific bullet of attempting suicide if the temptations hadn't been there right at his fingertips. It was misguided anger, though... )
livefortodayWho: Hunter Alexander and Brant Fox
What: Tragic news
Where: California
When: After this
New York to California wasn't the longest flight in the world, but to Hunter, it felt like a fucking lifetime. For the second time in mere days, he was back on a plane, and he had never felt more claustrophobic. The plane felt small, and every minute was too long. Yet, it was the fastest option he had. The call came in the middle of the night, and it was one of those calls everyone dreaded to receive. Cruz tried to take his own life again, and this time, very nearly succeeded.
Worse, Hunter never received the phone call until over seven hours since it happened. Since he and Cruz's horrific fight at the musical festival days earlier, they hadn't spoken. Not a single call, text, Skype, email... nothing. He came close to each one multiple times, but didn't want to face what the answer might be if Cruz was still trashed and off his face. He was still emotionally wounded from the shit Cruz slung at him when it happened. For all the convincing himself Hunter tried to do that it was just the drugs and alcohol talking, it didn't take away the fact it hurt. He knew it was the sense of failure that he hadn't been able to help Cruz that hurt worst of all.
( Saying he couldn't have seen this coming was a lie... )
NARRATIVE, COMPLETE
What: Tragic news
Where: California
When: After this
New York to California wasn't the longest flight in the world, but to Hunter, it felt like a fucking lifetime. For the second time in mere days, he was back on a plane, and he had never felt more claustrophobic. The plane felt small, and every minute was too long. Yet, it was the fastest option he had. The call came in the middle of the night, and it was one of those calls everyone dreaded to receive. Cruz tried to take his own life again, and this time, very nearly succeeded.
Worse, Hunter never received the phone call until over seven hours since it happened. Since he and Cruz's horrific fight at the musical festival days earlier, they hadn't spoken. Not a single call, text, Skype, email... nothing. He came close to each one multiple times, but didn't want to face what the answer might be if Cruz was still trashed and off his face. He was still emotionally wounded from the shit Cruz slung at him when it happened. For all the convincing himself Hunter tried to do that it was just the drugs and alcohol talking, it didn't take away the fact it hurt. He knew it was the sense of failure that he hadn't been able to help Cruz that hurt worst of all.
( Saying he couldn't have seen this coming was a lie... )
NARRATIVE, COMPLETE
@ muserevival | 145.1. lyrics
Apr. 18th, 2017 04:15 pmlivefortoday"I've been standing in the rain
Drenched and soaked with pain
Tired of short time benefits
And being exposed to the elements
I'm homeward bound
Got my head turned around"
• Going Back to My Roots, Odyssey @muserevival
After staring out the plane without without really taking in anything of the view of the fluffy clouds as far as the eye could see, Hunter closed his eyes when his jumble of thoughts converged in his head without relief. You couldn’t always lean on the luxury of rational reasoning when you were in emotional overload and your heart was far too involved to let the head rule. The empty seat beside him was taunting him, reminding him he was alone. He tried putting his flight bag there to fill the space, but it was no substitute for what - or who - he really wanted there.
( He didn’t know why he was feeling so winded and drained. He knew what the situation was, and how it could spiral out of control. He knew there was no guarantee everything would be static. He knew it wouldn't be an easy road... )
Drenched and soaked with pain
Tired of short time benefits
And being exposed to the elements
I'm homeward bound
Got my head turned around"
• Going Back to My Roots, Odyssey @
muserevivalAfter staring out the plane without without really taking in anything of the view of the fluffy clouds as far as the eye could see, Hunter closed his eyes when his jumble of thoughts converged in his head without relief. You couldn’t always lean on the luxury of rational reasoning when you were in emotional overload and your heart was far too involved to let the head rule. The empty seat beside him was taunting him, reminding him he was alone. He tried putting his flight bag there to fill the space, but it was no substitute for what - or who - he really wanted there.
( He didn’t know why he was feeling so winded and drained. He knew what the situation was, and how it could spiral out of control. He knew there was no guarantee everything would be static. He knew it wouldn't be an easy road... )
[ FACEBOOK ]
Apr. 15th, 2017 01:41 pmlivefortodayListening to Cruz Quinlan rehearsing Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood by Yusuf Islam. Haunting, yet poignant.
livefortodayWho: Hunter Alexander and Cruz Quinlan
What: Fighting together
Where: Home @ New Rochelle
When: After this
Hunter did need space after what happened, but he didn't stay away for long. He walked the few blocks down to the water, and it was where he bumped into Sasha's parents, who were doing the same thing. They only spoke briefly, but it helped pull things back into perspective for Hunter. He had met Sasha's parents at Justin's party, but ony briefly. If they hadn't flagged him on their walk, he would have been so distracted and lost in his tangle of thoughts that he hadn't even noticed them.
Things had finally reached breaking point with him and Cruz. Hunter anticipated that it would happen before Cruz would begin to really heal, but he hated that it happened like this. No matter how caring Hunter was and how much he wanted to help, he was human too. He should have dealt with it better, but his own emotions hadn't been in the best shape after his shift at work.
He had given Cruz strategies to try to help the cravings, but it was way worse than he thought. Trying to replace one addiction with something else would never work to begin with. Cruz needed more psychological intervention that Hunter couldn't give him without their relationship completely dying before it barely got off the ground. You couldn't be someone's partner and their therapist. It didn't work like that. Soon enough, they would suck you into their vortex of depression and you would be just as bad off as they were. No matter how much of an educated counsellor and case worker Hunter was, he couldn't do it for his lover. He could support Cruz, but this was all a sign that Cruz needed more intensive therapy.
( When he went back, he found Cruz by following the sound of the running shower... )
LOG, COMPLETE
What: Fighting together
Where: Home @ New Rochelle
When: After this
Hunter did need space after what happened, but he didn't stay away for long. He walked the few blocks down to the water, and it was where he bumped into Sasha's parents, who were doing the same thing. They only spoke briefly, but it helped pull things back into perspective for Hunter. He had met Sasha's parents at Justin's party, but ony briefly. If they hadn't flagged him on their walk, he would have been so distracted and lost in his tangle of thoughts that he hadn't even noticed them.
Things had finally reached breaking point with him and Cruz. Hunter anticipated that it would happen before Cruz would begin to really heal, but he hated that it happened like this. No matter how caring Hunter was and how much he wanted to help, he was human too. He should have dealt with it better, but his own emotions hadn't been in the best shape after his shift at work.
He had given Cruz strategies to try to help the cravings, but it was way worse than he thought. Trying to replace one addiction with something else would never work to begin with. Cruz needed more psychological intervention that Hunter couldn't give him without their relationship completely dying before it barely got off the ground. You couldn't be someone's partner and their therapist. It didn't work like that. Soon enough, they would suck you into their vortex of depression and you would be just as bad off as they were. No matter how much of an educated counsellor and case worker Hunter was, he couldn't do it for his lover. He could support Cruz, but this was all a sign that Cruz needed more intensive therapy.
( When he went back, he found Cruz by following the sound of the running shower... )
LOG, COMPLETE
colourmefreeHERE @ muserevival
Picture: Cold Water
Cruz twisted the cold tap on in the shower to full and ignored the hot. He stepped in under the icy spray. It felt like a million needles piercing his skin but the shocked pain all over his body was exactly what he needed. Somehow, he had to block those overwhelming urges the cravings had sent him careening for. What the fuck kind of arsehole did he think he was letting himself believe he could replace booze and drugs with sex?
( You can't just fuck away the cravings! )
muserevivalPicture: Cold Water
Cruz twisted the cold tap on in the shower to full and ignored the hot. He stepped in under the icy spray. It felt like a million needles piercing his skin but the shocked pain all over his body was exactly what he needed. Somehow, he had to block those overwhelming urges the cravings had sent him careening for. What the fuck kind of arsehole did he think he was letting himself believe he could replace booze and drugs with sex?
( You can't just fuck away the cravings! )
livefortodayWho: Hunter Alexander and Cruz Quinlan
What: One step at a time
Where: New Rochelle, NY
When: Saturday
The hospital had stabilised Cruz pretty quickly, and they kept him in for a few days to monitor him. Because he was going to be released into the care of a Clinical Nurse Specialist, with a Paramedic nearby, they were okay to let him go home if he followed doctor's orders and they could keep a close watch on him. The detox hadn't gone smoothly. Hunter did his best to care for Cruz, but because he had long-term polysubstance addiction, complications had hit.
Hunter didn't feel like a failure. You weren't a failure when you got urgent medical treatment to the person you loved because it hit a danger zone. There had always been the chance it could go wrong, and Cruz's breathing and heart were taxed. He spent the next few days on a few IVs with the Drug and Alcohol unit monitoring him on a few days of medical detox. They were discharging him now, even though he still wasn't well. It had climaxed, and he was on the way down the other side now.
( The drive home from the hospital wasn't very pleasant for Cruz... )
LOG, COMPLETE
What: One step at a time
Where: New Rochelle, NY
When: Saturday
The hospital had stabilised Cruz pretty quickly, and they kept him in for a few days to monitor him. Because he was going to be released into the care of a Clinical Nurse Specialist, with a Paramedic nearby, they were okay to let him go home if he followed doctor's orders and they could keep a close watch on him. The detox hadn't gone smoothly. Hunter did his best to care for Cruz, but because he had long-term polysubstance addiction, complications had hit.
Hunter didn't feel like a failure. You weren't a failure when you got urgent medical treatment to the person you loved because it hit a danger zone. There had always been the chance it could go wrong, and Cruz's breathing and heart were taxed. He spent the next few days on a few IVs with the Drug and Alcohol unit monitoring him on a few days of medical detox. They were discharging him now, even though he still wasn't well. It had climaxed, and he was on the way down the other side now.
( The drive home from the hospital wasn't very pleasant for Cruz... )
LOG, COMPLETE
livefortodayWho: Hunter and Darius Alexdander with Cruz Quinlan
What: Breathe life...
Where: New Rochelle, NY
When: After this
Hunter was wiped out. He was sprawled on his bed, lucky that his head was on his pillows, because he wouldn't be wanting to move to fix it if it had missed the target. Cruz was passed out cold on his side, head nursed on Hunter's stomach. Hunter didn't even know how to describe the semi-dressed state Cruz was in. No pants, half-wearing one of Hunter's button-ups. For some reason, he only had one sleeve on, and the other was off, bundled up in a knot beneath his inked torso. Hunter didn't want to move him in case he started that epic projectile vomiting thing again.
Detox was rough. Hunter only realised what he had gotten himself into when it was at the point of no return. Not that he wanted to get out of it. He made Cruz this promise, and he would keep it. That didn't mean he wasn't going to fold under pressure. He was. He couldn't sleep because he was over-tired, but even then, he was too scared to in case Cruz hit any danger zones. Hunter stroked his fingers through Cruz's sweat-soaked hair as they lay there together. Cruz generally had the pale Londoner complexion, but now his pallor was sickly grey.
( A knock came at his bedroom door when he was lying there contemplating how long he could last before he needed to visit the bathroom... )
LOG, COMPLETE
What: Breathe life...
Where: New Rochelle, NY
When: After this
Hunter was wiped out. He was sprawled on his bed, lucky that his head was on his pillows, because he wouldn't be wanting to move to fix it if it had missed the target. Cruz was passed out cold on his side, head nursed on Hunter's stomach. Hunter didn't even know how to describe the semi-dressed state Cruz was in. No pants, half-wearing one of Hunter's button-ups. For some reason, he only had one sleeve on, and the other was off, bundled up in a knot beneath his inked torso. Hunter didn't want to move him in case he started that epic projectile vomiting thing again.
Detox was rough. Hunter only realised what he had gotten himself into when it was at the point of no return. Not that he wanted to get out of it. He made Cruz this promise, and he would keep it. That didn't mean he wasn't going to fold under pressure. He was. He couldn't sleep because he was over-tired, but even then, he was too scared to in case Cruz hit any danger zones. Hunter stroked his fingers through Cruz's sweat-soaked hair as they lay there together. Cruz generally had the pale Londoner complexion, but now his pallor was sickly grey.
( A knock came at his bedroom door when he was lying there contemplating how long he could last before he needed to visit the bathroom... )
LOG, COMPLETE
@ muserevival | 143.5. Ten Things
Mar. 22nd, 2017 11:39 amlivefortodayTen moments in your life that shaped who you are today @ muserevival
1. Becoming a big brother
2. My best friend's suicide
3. Graduating and becoming a Clinical Nurse Specialist
4. Choosing the path of Youth Mental Health
5. My twin coming out to me (even if I already knew)
6. My twin's violent attack by one of his patients
7. Every single moment a patient thanks me for helping them
8. Some cunt abusing my little brother
9. Talking a suicidal person down off a ledge
10. Belatedly discovering I'm pansexual
muserevival1. Becoming a big brother
2. My best friend's suicide
3. Graduating and becoming a Clinical Nurse Specialist
4. Choosing the path of Youth Mental Health
5. My twin coming out to me (even if I already knew)
6. My twin's violent attack by one of his patients
7. Every single moment a patient thanks me for helping them
8. Some cunt abusing my little brother
9. Talking a suicidal person down off a ledge
10. Belatedly discovering I'm pansexual
[ FACEBOOK ]
Mar. 20th, 2017 04:17 pmlivefortodayI have the most worst-timed boner ever. Time to quit throwback-stalking his Insta now... #pansexualproblems?
"Learn from this mistake."
Mar. 19th, 2017 02:42 amlivefortodayWho: Hunter Alexander and Cruz Quinlan
What: Moment of truth
Where: Home in New Rochelle
When: Saturday afternoon
When Hunter got home from work, Cruz was asleep, just like he hoped he would be. He told Cruz that what he was going to go through would be like hell on earth, and suggested trying to get a bit of sleep beforehand might be a good idea. With the costume party cancelled, Darius with his big hot date with Kai, and Brody going to Florida, Cruz had sent Hunter a text earlier that morning and told him he wanted to do it that weekend... he wanted to try to detox. He was ready to ditch the addictions so they weren't ruling his life anymore. He wanted to get clean, if Hunter's offer to help him was still on the table.
It was. Of course. Unconditionally. Hunter called him on his break and they chatted a little about it. He ran through what Cruz could expect if he went through with it, and when Cruz didn't change his mind, that was when he suggested trying to get some sleep because he probably wouldn't get much once it all started. Cruz was awake when he came back to the bedroom after his shower, towel wrapped securely around his waist. "Hey, babe. How did you sleep?" he asked, coming over to give Cruz a kiss. He got a tank top and a pair of track pants from his drawer to change into. "When was your last drink? I want to try to get some fluids into you before you start feeling sick."
What: Moment of truth
Where: Home in New Rochelle
When: Saturday afternoon
When Hunter got home from work, Cruz was asleep, just like he hoped he would be. He told Cruz that what he was going to go through would be like hell on earth, and suggested trying to get a bit of sleep beforehand might be a good idea. With the costume party cancelled, Darius with his big hot date with Kai, and Brody going to Florida, Cruz had sent Hunter a text earlier that morning and told him he wanted to do it that weekend... he wanted to try to detox. He was ready to ditch the addictions so they weren't ruling his life anymore. He wanted to get clean, if Hunter's offer to help him was still on the table.
It was. Of course. Unconditionally. Hunter called him on his break and they chatted a little about it. He ran through what Cruz could expect if he went through with it, and when Cruz didn't change his mind, that was when he suggested trying to get some sleep because he probably wouldn't get much once it all started. Cruz was awake when he came back to the bedroom after his shower, towel wrapped securely around his waist. "Hey, babe. How did you sleep?" he asked, coming over to give Cruz a kiss. He got a tank top and a pair of track pants from his drawer to change into. "When was your last drink? I want to try to get some fluids into you before you start feeling sick."