"Wanna be startin' something."
Aug. 15th, 2015 12:40 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
arrechoWho: Emilio Alvarez, Presley Monroe, Tristan Hewitt and Rhett Goerge
What: Double Date
Where: Per Se, Midtown NYC
When: Friday night
There was no doubt the idea of a double date was daunting for Emilio. He had only just met Tristan, Presley's best friend, and he didn't know Rhett at all. Apparently Rhett and Tristan had only just started dating, but because Tristan and Presley were brothers in every sense but blood, it was important to try to strike up an easy connection here. It just happened to be on an evening that Emilio was tired from his first photoshoot back to work that morning, and with bright lights in his eyes all day, his vision wasn't the best it had been able to be lately.
Still, that wasn't going to stop him. They were going to have dinner at this fancy, expensive restaurant and then maybe go back to Tristan or Presley's apartment for drinks. Tristan and Presley lived in the same block, just a stone's throw away from each other. It would depend how they all got along at the dinner whether said drinks would actually go ahead. And whether Tristan still felt up to getting through the full date in flu recovery mode, and Emilio didn't end up with a migraine.
Presley helped Emilio out of the car when they arrived at the restaurant so he didn't trip in the gutter. A smashed-in face really wasn't a look he was going for trying to get back on the job. He was pretty sure anymore head injuries would be a disaster for him. First the car accident, and then Cole punching him. It was a wonder his brain was still attached. "Are you sure they're going to be okay with... with this?" he asked, gesturing towards his face and eyes. He could see, but it wasn't clearly. The last thing he wanted to do was make anyone uncomfortable.
What: Double Date
Where: Per Se, Midtown NYC
When: Friday night
There was no doubt the idea of a double date was daunting for Emilio. He had only just met Tristan, Presley's best friend, and he didn't know Rhett at all. Apparently Rhett and Tristan had only just started dating, but because Tristan and Presley were brothers in every sense but blood, it was important to try to strike up an easy connection here. It just happened to be on an evening that Emilio was tired from his first photoshoot back to work that morning, and with bright lights in his eyes all day, his vision wasn't the best it had been able to be lately.
Still, that wasn't going to stop him. They were going to have dinner at this fancy, expensive restaurant and then maybe go back to Tristan or Presley's apartment for drinks. Tristan and Presley lived in the same block, just a stone's throw away from each other. It would depend how they all got along at the dinner whether said drinks would actually go ahead. And whether Tristan still felt up to getting through the full date in flu recovery mode, and Emilio didn't end up with a migraine.
Presley helped Emilio out of the car when they arrived at the restaurant so he didn't trip in the gutter. A smashed-in face really wasn't a look he was going for trying to get back on the job. He was pretty sure anymore head injuries would be a disaster for him. First the car accident, and then Cole punching him. It was a wonder his brain was still attached. "Are you sure they're going to be okay with... with this?" he asked, gesturing towards his face and eyes. He could see, but it wasn't clearly. The last thing he wanted to do was make anyone uncomfortable.
[ TEXT MESSAGE ] To Destina @ laluchadora
Jul. 18th, 2015 09:46 pmarrechoI don't know if you want to know, or care, but Cole tried to kill himself. He's in the hospital.
moneyfornothingWho: Presley Monroe, Emilio Alvarez and Cole Carrington
What: Spanner in the works?
Where: Mount Sinai, New York City
When: Friday morning
Jetlag was a bitch at the best of times, but jetlag when you couldn't get sleep was even worse. Generally, Presley wasn't the nicest of people when he didn't get plenty of sleep. He liked his sleep, that was no secret. It was probably part of why he and Tristan were so close these days. When they hung out, it wasn't partying until all hours of the morning or dancing up a storm in a different gay bar every night. It as chilling out, relaxing, and plenty of snoozing. Much of what he had planned for recovering from his whirlwind trip to Australia with Emilio.
It just wasn't meant to be. His driver had dropped Emilio off at his place after the airport. Emilio was going to unpack, take a shower, and then catch a cab over to Presley's so they could sleep the jetlag off together. As soon as Presley had shed the clothes he had flown the long journey in, taken a quick shower, and climbed into his own glorious bed to wait for Emilio, the phone had started calling. It was Emilio, and he needed Presley to get his shit together to help him urgently.
That was what had them riding the elevator up a few floors at Mount Sinai. Presley had his arm around Emilio and gave his upper arm a soft rub. "You okay, sweetheart?" he asked, because Emilio really had said much at all. In fact, lacking sleep, exhausted from the long-haul flight, Emilio seemed to be struggling with his eyesight more than he had in recent days. It was why Presley was holding on to him to basically guide him so he didn't trip or bump into anything. Emilio could still see. It wasn't the same as when they first met when he had no vision at all, but he had sunglasses on because the lights were bright and he was feeling his way before taking slow steps. Presley wished he could just take him home to bed, but at the same time, shit had gotten real and he knew that wasn't going to happen.
What: Spanner in the works?
Where: Mount Sinai, New York City
When: Friday morning
Jetlag was a bitch at the best of times, but jetlag when you couldn't get sleep was even worse. Generally, Presley wasn't the nicest of people when he didn't get plenty of sleep. He liked his sleep, that was no secret. It was probably part of why he and Tristan were so close these days. When they hung out, it wasn't partying until all hours of the morning or dancing up a storm in a different gay bar every night. It as chilling out, relaxing, and plenty of snoozing. Much of what he had planned for recovering from his whirlwind trip to Australia with Emilio.
It just wasn't meant to be. His driver had dropped Emilio off at his place after the airport. Emilio was going to unpack, take a shower, and then catch a cab over to Presley's so they could sleep the jetlag off together. As soon as Presley had shed the clothes he had flown the long journey in, taken a quick shower, and climbed into his own glorious bed to wait for Emilio, the phone had started calling. It was Emilio, and he needed Presley to get his shit together to help him urgently.
That was what had them riding the elevator up a few floors at Mount Sinai. Presley had his arm around Emilio and gave his upper arm a soft rub. "You okay, sweetheart?" he asked, because Emilio really had said much at all. In fact, lacking sleep, exhausted from the long-haul flight, Emilio seemed to be struggling with his eyesight more than he had in recent days. It was why Presley was holding on to him to basically guide him so he didn't trip or bump into anything. Emilio could still see. It wasn't the same as when they first met when he had no vision at all, but he had sunglasses on because the lights were bright and he was feeling his way before taking slow steps. Presley wished he could just take him home to bed, but at the same time, shit had gotten real and he knew that wasn't going to happen.
@ ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
muserevival | 095.5. Ten Things
Jun. 27th, 2015 06:37 pmarrechoHERE @ muserevival
Ten things you love about your relationship
1. His warm hands
2. His warm heart
3. His gentle voice
4. His generosity
5. His respect
6. His selflessness
7. His honesty
8. His great sense of humour
9. His beautiful soul
10. His kindness and compassion
muserevivalTen things you love about your relationship
1. His warm hands
2. His warm heart
3. His gentle voice
4. His generosity
5. His respect
6. His selflessness
7. His honesty
8. His great sense of humour
9. His beautiful soul
10. His kindness and compassion
[ VOICEMAIL ] To Emilio @ arrecho
Jun. 27th, 2015 12:29 pmmoneyfornothing"Hey, babe. It's me. I hope you're getting a rest after your migraine last night. Give me a call when you're feeling up to it. Love you."
moneyfornothingWho: Presley Monroe and Emilio Alvarez
What: Romance and D&Ms
Where: Aquilina Resort, Miami
When: Saturday night
Presley wanted to spoil Emilio. They had gone on dates, but they were simple and close to home because Emilio didn't feel comfortable in crowded spaces when he had still been unable to see at all. Presley was a natural romantic, so he had cooked for Emilio, taken him to a couple of small intimate restaurants for dinner, bought him flowers that smelled nice even if he couldn't see them, gave him back rubs. They were enjoying each other, and Presley was enjoying dating.
Things had progressed a little further now. Emilio had regained a little of his sight, and they were opening up to each other more and more. As promised, Presley had whisked Emilio off to Miami in his dad's private jet, where they had checked into a resort and spa for a couple of nights. A candlelit dinner on the beach was arranged, and they were going to relax and talk some more.
They lucked out with a beautiful, balmy night too with not a cloud in the sky. Presley reached over the table and took Emilio's hand to hold once their orders were taken and the waiter had poured them both a glass of champagne. Presley wasn't a big drinker, but he liked to indulge in the expensive stuff on special occasions. "Feeling relaxed yet, love? I know you've been a bit on edge the last couple of days."
What: Romance and D&Ms
Where: Aquilina Resort, Miami
When: Saturday night
Presley wanted to spoil Emilio. They had gone on dates, but they were simple and close to home because Emilio didn't feel comfortable in crowded spaces when he had still been unable to see at all. Presley was a natural romantic, so he had cooked for Emilio, taken him to a couple of small intimate restaurants for dinner, bought him flowers that smelled nice even if he couldn't see them, gave him back rubs. They were enjoying each other, and Presley was enjoying dating.
Things had progressed a little further now. Emilio had regained a little of his sight, and they were opening up to each other more and more. As promised, Presley had whisked Emilio off to Miami in his dad's private jet, where they had checked into a resort and spa for a couple of nights. A candlelit dinner on the beach was arranged, and they were going to relax and talk some more.
They lucked out with a beautiful, balmy night too with not a cloud in the sky. Presley reached over the table and took Emilio's hand to hold once their orders were taken and the waiter had poured them both a glass of champagne. Presley wasn't a big drinker, but he liked to indulge in the expensive stuff on special occasions. "Feeling relaxed yet, love? I know you've been a bit on edge the last couple of days."
arrechoWho: Emilio Alvarez and Cole Carrington
What: "Darlin', you give love a bad name."
Where: Rehab Facility, Massachusetts
When: Following THIS
Emilio hadn't been able to rationalise why he was that he needed to go visit Cole in rehab. There was a lot of confusion and emotion surrounding the whole thing. At first, a lot of it had been him thinking he needed the ultimately closure from Cole to be able to pave the way for things to move to the next level with Presley. On the long drive to Massachusetts, he had a lot of time to think. He realised that it was more a fact he was scared Cole would actually destroy himself this time. Emilio felt he had some responsibility in how everything had eventuated. He also hadn't spoken to anyone about how he was feeling hearing Cole had reached breaking point, ending up back in rehab. Not through lack of his family trying. He just didn't want to discuss it.
Reluctantly, he let Destina drive him upstate instead of getting the train, but he didn't say a word the whole way. He just sat there with his headphones in listening to music. He had no interest in conversation. It wasn't his fault he'd had a terrible car accident that left him vision-impaired. He knew that. But the situation as it stood was what caused his relationship with Cole to crash and burn. He also wasn't responsible for Cole's drug and alcohol addiction, but they had been starting to work through it and it was working before the accident. After it, Emilio just didn't have the strength to shoulder adjusting to his own disability and physical rehabilitation. He had needed Cole's support, and Cole tried his best. He just wasn't strong enough either to continue to fight the addiction. It ended worse than Emilio could've expected.
Now here he was, and the rehab nurse was kind in taking his arm and leading him into Cole's room to where he was on the bed. Of course, this was only after he had been patted down and interrogated at reception in case he had been bringing any sort of addictive substance into Cole. Then they were left alone and Emilio sat down stiffly on the edge of the bed. He could feel how Cole was shaking because it was vibrating through the mattress. "We need to talk, and you're your most honest when you're detoxing. There's nothing to hide behind. But you lay a hand on me, and I will fucking slam your head into a wall."
What: "Darlin', you give love a bad name."
Where: Rehab Facility, Massachusetts
When: Following THIS
Emilio hadn't been able to rationalise why he was that he needed to go visit Cole in rehab. There was a lot of confusion and emotion surrounding the whole thing. At first, a lot of it had been him thinking he needed the ultimately closure from Cole to be able to pave the way for things to move to the next level with Presley. On the long drive to Massachusetts, he had a lot of time to think. He realised that it was more a fact he was scared Cole would actually destroy himself this time. Emilio felt he had some responsibility in how everything had eventuated. He also hadn't spoken to anyone about how he was feeling hearing Cole had reached breaking point, ending up back in rehab. Not through lack of his family trying. He just didn't want to discuss it.
Reluctantly, he let Destina drive him upstate instead of getting the train, but he didn't say a word the whole way. He just sat there with his headphones in listening to music. He had no interest in conversation. It wasn't his fault he'd had a terrible car accident that left him vision-impaired. He knew that. But the situation as it stood was what caused his relationship with Cole to crash and burn. He also wasn't responsible for Cole's drug and alcohol addiction, but they had been starting to work through it and it was working before the accident. After it, Emilio just didn't have the strength to shoulder adjusting to his own disability and physical rehabilitation. He had needed Cole's support, and Cole tried his best. He just wasn't strong enough either to continue to fight the addiction. It ended worse than Emilio could've expected.
Now here he was, and the rehab nurse was kind in taking his arm and leading him into Cole's room to where he was on the bed. Of course, this was only after he had been patted down and interrogated at reception in case he had been bringing any sort of addictive substance into Cole. Then they were left alone and Emilio sat down stiffly on the edge of the bed. He could feel how Cole was shaking because it was vibrating through the mattress. "We need to talk, and you're your most honest when you're detoxing. There's nothing to hide behind. But you lay a hand on me, and I will fucking slam your head into a wall."
arrechoHERE @ muserevival
"Either you decide to stay in the shallow end of the pool or you go out in the ocean." - Christopher Reeve
When Destina said she had someone she wanted Emilio to meet, to say he wasn't overjoyed by it was an understatement. In fact, she had unfortunately gotten him on a bad day and it ended in a bitchy brotherly-sisterly spat here he tried to slam the door in her face, but only ended up nearly knocking himself out when it he didn't grab it hard enough and it flicked out of his hand. It was the downside to being blind. You didn't have the coordination to do things like slam a door succinctly or hang up on someone smoothly.
( Des came back to him about three days later, and this time, she came with the big guns already loaded... )
muserevival"Either you decide to stay in the shallow end of the pool or you go out in the ocean." - Christopher Reeve
When Destina said she had someone she wanted Emilio to meet, to say he wasn't overjoyed by it was an understatement. In fact, she had unfortunately gotten him on a bad day and it ended in a bitchy brotherly-sisterly spat here he tried to slam the door in her face, but only ended up nearly knocking himself out when it he didn't grab it hard enough and it flicked out of his hand. It was the downside to being blind. You didn't have the coordination to do things like slam a door succinctly or hang up on someone smoothly.
( Des came back to him about three days later, and this time, she came with the big guns already loaded... )
@ muserevival || 094.5. Ten List
Jun. 18th, 2015 10:29 pmarrechoHERE @ muserevival
Ten songs you would dedicate to a loved one
1. You Give Love a Bad Name - Bon Jovi
2. Tainted Love - The Living End
3. Break Me Shake Me - Savage Garden
4. How To Save a Life - The Fray
5. Third Eye - Florence + The Machine
6. Rolling in the Deep - Adele
7. The Chain - Fleetwood Mac
8. Bloodstream - Ed Sheeran
9. Bad Romance - Lady Gaga
10. Don't Give Up - Bruno Mars
muserevivalTen songs you would dedicate to a loved one
1. You Give Love a Bad Name - Bon Jovi
2. Tainted Love - The Living End
3. Break Me Shake Me - Savage Garden
4. How To Save a Life - The Fray
5. Third Eye - Florence + The Machine
6. Rolling in the Deep - Adele
7. The Chain - Fleetwood Mac
8. Bloodstream - Ed Sheeran
9. Bad Romance - Lady Gaga
10. Don't Give Up - Bruno Mars
[FACEBOOK]
Jun. 16th, 2015 11:00 amlaluchadoraThere is nothing on earth that hurts more than watching the people you love most suffer through hell on earth.
burninginsideHERE @ muserevival
"Am I out of luck?
Am I waiting to break?
When I keep saying that I'm looking for a way to escape
Oh, I'm wishing I had what I'd taken for granted
I can't help you when I'm only gonna do you wrong
Oh, I'm going to mess this up
Oh, this is just my luck
Over and over and over again."
• Shots, Imagine Dragons
Cole had sworn that he never wanted to be in this hell hole again. He had been so fucking sure that once would be enough for him to learn his lesson. But of course, he had to fuck up all over again and he was now lying in the fetal position on the uncomfortable bed, sweating, shaking, nauseated, wishing his own death. The DTs had set in. He felt like he was about to lose his mind.
Addiction was a tragic thing. Horrific, even. The thing about the human mind was that memory of pain can be skewed as time goes on. It doesn’t go away, but you begin to see it differently. You forget the clarity of how it hit hard at the time. Which is why addiction can get its clutches back into you, just when you think you’ve conquered it. Cole was doubting whether he had the ability to conquer anything. He felt like such a fuck-up, that he had been entertaining thoughts of just ending himself before he was told in a no-nonsense way by a friend that he had to go back to rehab, or the friendship was done for. He couldn’t handle losing anyone else, so deleting himself from existence seemed like the best option. The selfish coward’s option, sure. But he wasn’t disputing that was exactly what he was.
( That was a common theme in Cole’s life lately... )
"Am I out of luck?
Am I waiting to break?
When I keep saying that I'm looking for a way to escape
Oh, I'm wishing I had what I'd taken for granted
I can't help you when I'm only gonna do you wrong
Oh, I'm going to mess this up
Oh, this is just my luck
Over and over and over again."
• Shots, Imagine Dragons
Cole had sworn that he never wanted to be in this hell hole again. He had been so fucking sure that once would be enough for him to learn his lesson. But of course, he had to fuck up all over again and he was now lying in the fetal position on the uncomfortable bed, sweating, shaking, nauseated, wishing his own death. The DTs had set in. He felt like he was about to lose his mind.
Addiction was a tragic thing. Horrific, even. The thing about the human mind was that memory of pain can be skewed as time goes on. It doesn’t go away, but you begin to see it differently. You forget the clarity of how it hit hard at the time. Which is why addiction can get its clutches back into you, just when you think you’ve conquered it. Cole was doubting whether he had the ability to conquer anything. He felt like such a fuck-up, that he had been entertaining thoughts of just ending himself before he was told in a no-nonsense way by a friend that he had to go back to rehab, or the friendship was done for. He couldn’t handle losing anyone else, so deleting himself from existence seemed like the best option. The selfish coward’s option, sure. But he wasn’t disputing that was exactly what he was.
( That was a common theme in Cole’s life lately... )
@ muserevival // Quote of the Day 062.
Mar. 30th, 2014 12:26 pmburninginsideHERE @ muserevival
“The moment when you can actually feel the pain in your chest from seeing or hearing something that breaks your heart.”
- Mahmoud El Hallab
Cole could honestly say that this time, he was getting a little more progress with his stay in the Addiction Unit. It was intense, but more medically focused to treat him physically with a side order of continual psychotherapy and medication regime. With appropriate medication, he was coping better with the therapy. It wasn't just a matter of throwing a few antidepressants and antianxiety meds at him and hoping they worked to cockblock is mind into knee-jerking him in all the wrong directions. It was being closely monitored, side effects being controlled conservatively, and it meant he was coping a lot better with the things he was - again - being dragged through in therapy.
( But it was still really hard. Of course it was... )
“The moment when you can actually feel the pain in your chest from seeing or hearing something that breaks your heart.”
- Mahmoud El Hallab
Cole could honestly say that this time, he was getting a little more progress with his stay in the Addiction Unit. It was intense, but more medically focused to treat him physically with a side order of continual psychotherapy and medication regime. With appropriate medication, he was coping better with the therapy. It wasn't just a matter of throwing a few antidepressants and antianxiety meds at him and hoping they worked to cockblock is mind into knee-jerking him in all the wrong directions. It was being closely monitored, side effects being controlled conservatively, and it meant he was coping a lot better with the things he was - again - being dragged through in therapy.
( But it was still really hard. Of course it was... )
@ muserevival || Quote of the Day 049.
Feb. 27th, 2014 12:29 pmburninginsideHERE @ musereival
“Courage is like love; it must have hope for nourishment.”
- Napoleon Bonaparte
I’ve been wondering lately how my life would have been if I hadn’t enlisted, if I hadn’t met Brendan, if I hadn’t watched him be slaughtered in front of me, if I didn’t end up with PTSD. It’s impossible to know, and it’s probably not a healthy mindset to end up in, but it’s where your brain goes when you have no answers to the big ‘WHY?’ hanging over your head.
I’m not sure how I was supposed to feel when I finally saw Emilio for the first time since his awful accident. I had lulled myself into a very false sense of security that ICU policy meant I wouldn’t be allowed in to see him. I became a bench warmer of various waiting areas within shouting distance of the ICU and I ingested far too much hospital vending machine coffee to be healthy. Though, after all the shit I’ve ingested prior to that, my insides probably weren’t all that surprised.
( Then Des pulled her connection strings, and the next thing I knew a nurse was fetching me from one of the benches in the hall where I had been staring at the surface of a tepid cup of coffee lost in thought... )
“Courage is like love; it must have hope for nourishment.”
- Napoleon Bonaparte
I’ve been wondering lately how my life would have been if I hadn’t enlisted, if I hadn’t met Brendan, if I hadn’t watched him be slaughtered in front of me, if I didn’t end up with PTSD. It’s impossible to know, and it’s probably not a healthy mindset to end up in, but it’s where your brain goes when you have no answers to the big ‘WHY?’ hanging over your head.
I’m not sure how I was supposed to feel when I finally saw Emilio for the first time since his awful accident. I had lulled myself into a very false sense of security that ICU policy meant I wouldn’t be allowed in to see him. I became a bench warmer of various waiting areas within shouting distance of the ICU and I ingested far too much hospital vending machine coffee to be healthy. Though, after all the shit I’ve ingested prior to that, my insides probably weren’t all that surprised.
( Then Des pulled her connection strings, and the next thing I knew a nurse was fetching me from one of the benches in the hall where I had been staring at the surface of a tepid cup of coffee lost in thought... )
[ FACEBOOK ]
Feb. 24th, 2014 09:55 pmburninginsideDriving myself crazy looking through Emilio's portfolio. I don't deserve him. Why did this have to happen to such a beautiful person?
@ muserevival // Quote of the Day 048.
Feb. 18th, 2014 10:12 amchicomaloHERE @ muserevival
Turmoil
n. 1. a state of great commotion, confusion, or disturbance; tumult; agitation; disquiet
Hospitals made Jax nervous and agitated. He had spent a long time in one in the wake of his bar brawl stabbing, and the smell and the sounds seemed to trigger all those feelings inside him again. But no matter much he didn’t want to be here, nothing in the world would have gotten him to leave right now. His hands were still shaking from the shock and he had hardly been able to eat these past couple of days. He couldn’t even stomach coffee or Red Bull, and usually they were both staples for him.
At first, he had just walked into the room with his head down, looking at his feet and then at his hands once he had sat down. He hadn’t thought he would be able to look. He didn’t want to see Emilio all broken and battered. Both his mom and his big sister told him he didn’t have to go in to see Emilio if he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to, but he was going to. Because Emilio was his big brother, and even though they hadn’t known him for years of their life, that didn’t make him any less their brother.
( Which is exactly why Jax was struggling with an inner turmoil right now... )
Turmoil
n. 1. a state of great commotion, confusion, or disturbance; tumult; agitation; disquiet
Hospitals made Jax nervous and agitated. He had spent a long time in one in the wake of his bar brawl stabbing, and the smell and the sounds seemed to trigger all those feelings inside him again. But no matter much he didn’t want to be here, nothing in the world would have gotten him to leave right now. His hands were still shaking from the shock and he had hardly been able to eat these past couple of days. He couldn’t even stomach coffee or Red Bull, and usually they were both staples for him.
At first, he had just walked into the room with his head down, looking at his feet and then at his hands once he had sat down. He hadn’t thought he would be able to look. He didn’t want to see Emilio all broken and battered. Both his mom and his big sister told him he didn’t have to go in to see Emilio if he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to, but he was going to. Because Emilio was his big brother, and even though they hadn’t known him for years of their life, that didn’t make him any less their brother.
( Which is exactly why Jax was struggling with an inner turmoil right now... )
@ muserevival | Quote of the Day 048.
Feb. 17th, 2014 09:10 pmburninginsideHERE @ muserevival
“Guilt is anger directed at ourselves - at what we did or did not do. Resentment is anger directed at others - at what they did or did not do.”
- Peter McWilliams
It's been around 62 hours since Flynn showed up at the rehab place and told me Emilio had been in a terrible car crash. I didn't handle it well, but who would? It's all a bit of a blur now, and it has been a lot of sitting in hospital waiting rooms on news, and knowing I'm not family, so I'm not allowed in to see him. He's in that bad of a condition. "Critical but stable" was the last update. I can't see him, but I'm still waiting anyway. It was hearing why the accident even happened that made it really feel like my world was crumbling underneath me... again.
One tool they encouraged in rehab was to write things down. The whole congested thoughts taking wrong turns in your mind and make it like rush hour traffic. Remove some of the congestion, though, then the lanes run more smoothly. They liked their analogies in there, and I'm glad they did, because a lot of the time, pitting my own experience to psychological theory was damn near impossible and especially when you were doubting the effectiveness of the assistance already.
( It was a driver under the influence of drugs and alcohol that caused Emilio's crash... )
“Guilt is anger directed at ourselves - at what we did or did not do. Resentment is anger directed at others - at what they did or did not do.”
- Peter McWilliams
It's been around 62 hours since Flynn showed up at the rehab place and told me Emilio had been in a terrible car crash. I didn't handle it well, but who would? It's all a bit of a blur now, and it has been a lot of sitting in hospital waiting rooms on news, and knowing I'm not family, so I'm not allowed in to see him. He's in that bad of a condition. "Critical but stable" was the last update. I can't see him, but I'm still waiting anyway. It was hearing why the accident even happened that made it really feel like my world was crumbling underneath me... again.
One tool they encouraged in rehab was to write things down. The whole congested thoughts taking wrong turns in your mind and make it like rush hour traffic. Remove some of the congestion, though, then the lanes run more smoothly. They liked their analogies in there, and I'm glad they did, because a lot of the time, pitting my own experience to psychological theory was damn near impossible and especially when you were doubting the effectiveness of the assistance already.
( It was a driver under the influence of drugs and alcohol that caused Emilio's crash... )
@ muserevival | 056.5. Misc prompt
Feb. 14th, 2014 10:33 pmburninginsideHERE @ muserevival
"For some moments in life there are no words." - David Seltzer
It had only been about half an hour since a knock came to the door of Cole's private a room in the rehab clinic and one of the staff handed him a massive bunch of roses which had been delivered to him. He had questioned whether it was a mistake, even, because it was the last thing in the world he would have expected. Or the second last thing, as he would discover within the next hour of his life.
( He had just gotten out of the shower, only just having pulled on his jeans and sweatshirt to get ready for the appointment with his case worker when they arrived... )
"For some moments in life there are no words." - David Seltzer
It had only been about half an hour since a knock came to the door of Cole's private a room in the rehab clinic and one of the staff handed him a massive bunch of roses which had been delivered to him. He had questioned whether it was a mistake, even, because it was the last thing in the world he would have expected. Or the second last thing, as he would discover within the next hour of his life.
( He had just gotten out of the shower, only just having pulled on his jeans and sweatshirt to get ready for the appointment with his case worker when they arrived... )
@ muserevival // 056.3. Drabble
Feb. 14th, 2014 10:07 pmpullmystethHERE @ muserevival
Life
Being a doctor in an Emergency Room was hard on any general day, but it was always that much more difficult when someone you knew showed up in your resus bay. It had been a crazy night and Riley had been run off his feet. He was at the tail end of his shift when the MVA was called ahead as being three minutes out. It was the third car crash of the night and by this point, he was running on adrenaline. He was tugging on some fresh gloves when the paramedics rushed their patient through the bustling corridors of the ER, Riley running along by the gurney with them as they started to give him handover.
( ‘Emilio Alvarez, twenty five year old male...’ )
Life
Being a doctor in an Emergency Room was hard on any general day, but it was always that much more difficult when someone you knew showed up in your resus bay. It had been a crazy night and Riley had been run off his feet. He was at the tail end of his shift when the MVA was called ahead as being three minutes out. It was the third car crash of the night and by this point, he was running on adrenaline. He was tugging on some fresh gloves when the paramedics rushed their patient through the bustling corridors of the ER, Riley running along by the gurney with them as they started to give him handover.
( ‘Emilio Alvarez, twenty five year old male...’ )
@ muserevival || 056.5. Misc prompt
Feb. 13th, 2014 10:34 pmarrechoHERE @ muserevival
"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself." - Jean Anouilh
It was late, and felt even more late considering Emilio's day started at 4am that morning to be at a 6.30am photoshoot in Ocean Grove, New Jersey. His life had been crazy with everything going on lately, and in the wake of a catwalk gig for Fashion Week, he was exhausted and looking forward to a few days off. He wanted to just get home, take a hot shower, and crash in bed where there would definitely be no alarm set for the following morning. He needed to get some rest so he didn't burn out, and he knew things were just that little more harder on the get-up-and-go with his mind almost constantly being on Cole since he had visited him in Connecticut earlier in the week.
( That had been one hell of an emotional battle for both of them... )
"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself." - Jean Anouilh
It was late, and felt even more late considering Emilio's day started at 4am that morning to be at a 6.30am photoshoot in Ocean Grove, New Jersey. His life had been crazy with everything going on lately, and in the wake of a catwalk gig for Fashion Week, he was exhausted and looking forward to a few days off. He wanted to just get home, take a hot shower, and crash in bed where there would definitely be no alarm set for the following morning. He needed to get some rest so he didn't burn out, and he knew things were just that little more harder on the get-up-and-go with his mind almost constantly being on Cole since he had visited him in Connecticut earlier in the week.
( That had been one hell of an emotional battle for both of them... )
@ muserevival | Word of the Day 045.
Feb. 10th, 2014 12:40 amarrechoHERE @ muserevival
Ruminate
v. 1. To think deeply about something.
Emilio had hardly slept the night before, so whilst he was usually more of a fan of warmer weather than cold, he invited the chill today with the cool air coming in through the window he had cracked to help clear his mind. A phone call had come yesterday from Cole's rehab case worker and invited him to come along to a 'family day', or the more clinical name being 'Family Psychoeducational Workshop'. Honestly, he had no idea what that even meant, but he had accepted before even asking for more information. His conscience did make him point out to the worker that he wasn't really Cole's family, but it felt really nice to be reassured that partners are included if the client requested it.
( Cole had requested it... )
Ruminate
v. 1. To think deeply about something.
Emilio had hardly slept the night before, so whilst he was usually more of a fan of warmer weather than cold, he invited the chill today with the cool air coming in through the window he had cracked to help clear his mind. A phone call had come yesterday from Cole's rehab case worker and invited him to come along to a 'family day', or the more clinical name being 'Family Psychoeducational Workshop'. Honestly, he had no idea what that even meant, but he had accepted before even asking for more information. His conscience did make him point out to the worker that he wasn't really Cole's family, but it felt really nice to be reassured that partners are included if the client requested it.
( Cole had requested it... )
arrechoHERE @ muserevival
"I believe when I fall in love with you it will be forever." - I Believe, Stevie Wonder
I was back at work today for the first part of a series of CK shoots. I would say the break was nice, but it really just ended up being crap. There was Cole's single day attempt to go cold turkey, followed by him falling off the wagon to the max. But lets be frank here, he didn't even really make it on to the wagon in the first place. Then there was that one day and night we had together which was... amazing is the only word I can come up with, but it doesn't really cut it. That one day was what made me realise that I'm here to stick it out with him, that there is a tiny spark of something incredible to Cole underneath all the substance abuse, addiction, traumatic past, and painful heartache. He has frequently asked me why I'm doing this, why I want to bother with it, and bother with him. The simple answer is that I finally saw in him why he needs someone to bother with him, because he gave up bothering with himself far too long ago.
( Then, of course, came the food poisoning of death and destruction. It ruined our last couple of days together before Cole left for rehab... )
"I believe when I fall in love with you it will be forever." - I Believe, Stevie Wonder
I was back at work today for the first part of a series of CK shoots. I would say the break was nice, but it really just ended up being crap. There was Cole's single day attempt to go cold turkey, followed by him falling off the wagon to the max. But lets be frank here, he didn't even really make it on to the wagon in the first place. Then there was that one day and night we had together which was... amazing is the only word I can come up with, but it doesn't really cut it. That one day was what made me realise that I'm here to stick it out with him, that there is a tiny spark of something incredible to Cole underneath all the substance abuse, addiction, traumatic past, and painful heartache. He has frequently asked me why I'm doing this, why I want to bother with it, and bother with him. The simple answer is that I finally saw in him why he needs someone to bother with him, because he gave up bothering with himself far too long ago.
( Then, of course, came the food poisoning of death and destruction. It ruined our last couple of days together before Cole left for rehab... )
@ muserevival || 052.2. Private Diary
Jan. 24th, 2014 01:58 pmburninginside"Because maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me." - Wonderwall, Oasis
I'm glad my hands are shaking too much as I write this to the point it will probably be illegible. It's not something I plan on re-reading. Contemplated letting Emilio read it later if he wants to. I'm not exactly skilled in knowing how to get people to understand me when I don't understand myself anymore. I have no idea why he wants to take this on... take me on. But I'm glad he's fighting for me. It's thinking about him that is keeping me propped up through this hell.
( I'm sick as dog, but somehow... I'm welcoming that... )
I'm glad my hands are shaking too much as I write this to the point it will probably be illegible. It's not something I plan on re-reading. Contemplated letting Emilio read it later if he wants to. I'm not exactly skilled in knowing how to get people to understand me when I don't understand myself anymore. I have no idea why he wants to take this on... take me on. But I'm glad he's fighting for me. It's thinking about him that is keeping me propped up through this hell.
( I'm sick as dog, but somehow... I'm welcoming that... )
@ muserevival || Word of the Day 033.
Jan. 23rd, 2014 07:25 pmarrechoHERE @ muserevival
Solicitude
n. 1. care or concern for someone or something.
Emilio had been relieved to hear he could call the rehab place Cole was checked into to check on how he was doing. It was something family had the luxury of, and Jax being Jax, lied through his teeth and told them Emilio was Cole's fiancé but had been in hospital with a bad case of salmonella so wasn't able to be there in person to get any instructions to family members and that was why he sent his brother on his behalf. He was glad he at least had a port of call to be able to follow Cole's progress because he would have no access to communication with anyone external to the treatment program during the detox phase. As tempting as it was to ring every second hour for a progress report, he had waited until Cole had been in there three nights and then called up to see how he was doing.
( Cole wasn't doing well... )
Emilio Alvarez
{ original character }
Solicitude
n. 1. care or concern for someone or something.
Emilio had been relieved to hear he could call the rehab place Cole was checked into to check on how he was doing. It was something family had the luxury of, and Jax being Jax, lied through his teeth and told them Emilio was Cole's fiancé but had been in hospital with a bad case of salmonella so wasn't able to be there in person to get any instructions to family members and that was why he sent his brother on his behalf. He was glad he at least had a port of call to be able to follow Cole's progress because he would have no access to communication with anyone external to the treatment program during the detox phase. As tempting as it was to ring every second hour for a progress report, he had waited until Cole had been in there three nights and then called up to see how he was doing.
( Cole wasn't doing well... )
{ original character }
"I'll be right here waiting for you."
Jan. 19th, 2014 01:08 amburninginsideWho: Cole Carrington and Emilio Alzarez
What: Give and take
Where: Cole's apartment
When: Saturday morning
Cole was usually just an independent survivor these days. Very far gone were his military days where he was fighting for a common cause. He had got to a point in his life where he wasn't fighting at all, and for the most important cause - himself. He didn't quite know how it had all come a full circle, but he knew Emilio was about 90% the reason he had gotten the wake up call he needed. Emilio had changed the game plan, only there was no way he would have any hope of making a home run if he kept on the destructive path he was on. On Monday, he would travel to Essex in Massachusetts for a 30 day rehab program, with the option of extending if he needed more time. He knew it was going to be hell, especially just getting through the horrific detox. It had helped talking to Euan, and he decided to take the moist poignant piece of advice the Irishman had offered him... make the most of the couple of days with Emilio before he had to go away.
The night before, they had gotten some takeout and they had an amusing conversation about how much Emilio could never be a vegetarian like Cole was these days. Cole only drunk a little and he had a joint with a small hit of Coke just because he didn't this to be ruined because he was craving and in a shitty mood. After dinner, they took a bath together and then watched Ferris Bueller's Day Off snuggled up in bed. It was really the first successful date they had, and he had actually contemplated suggesting no sex so it wasn't risking anything going wrong. Only, one thing led to another then but it was slow and sensual, and Cole didn't need to be high. It gave him hope that all this might work out in the end if he worked hard enough. They made love for hours and when Emilio fell asleep, Cole was spooned up behind him holding him and realising that all this wasn't something he ever had the chance to have with Brendan. Maybe this really was his second chance.
He found he slept better than he had in, well, years too. It was on the late side when he woke up, but he was alone in bed. That wasn't something he had been expecting. He propped himself up on his elbow and rubbed his other hand over his face to woke up a little more and try to figure out why he was alone when he and Emilio had plans to go out for breakfast and a walk in the park that morning. The reason was soon evident when he heard the toilet flush in his adjoining en suite and Emilio appeared in the doorway soon after. Cole only had to take one look at him to see he had sick written all over him.
"Babe...? Are you okay?" he asked in concern, albeit slightly bewildered because that was the exact moment he realised that if this was an actual thing, there might be times where he had to take care of Emilio, and not just everything be about him and his own problems.
What: Give and take
Where: Cole's apartment
When: Saturday morning
Cole was usually just an independent survivor these days. Very far gone were his military days where he was fighting for a common cause. He had got to a point in his life where he wasn't fighting at all, and for the most important cause - himself. He didn't quite know how it had all come a full circle, but he knew Emilio was about 90% the reason he had gotten the wake up call he needed. Emilio had changed the game plan, only there was no way he would have any hope of making a home run if he kept on the destructive path he was on. On Monday, he would travel to Essex in Massachusetts for a 30 day rehab program, with the option of extending if he needed more time. He knew it was going to be hell, especially just getting through the horrific detox. It had helped talking to Euan, and he decided to take the moist poignant piece of advice the Irishman had offered him... make the most of the couple of days with Emilio before he had to go away.
The night before, they had gotten some takeout and they had an amusing conversation about how much Emilio could never be a vegetarian like Cole was these days. Cole only drunk a little and he had a joint with a small hit of Coke just because he didn't this to be ruined because he was craving and in a shitty mood. After dinner, they took a bath together and then watched Ferris Bueller's Day Off snuggled up in bed. It was really the first successful date they had, and he had actually contemplated suggesting no sex so it wasn't risking anything going wrong. Only, one thing led to another then but it was slow and sensual, and Cole didn't need to be high. It gave him hope that all this might work out in the end if he worked hard enough. They made love for hours and when Emilio fell asleep, Cole was spooned up behind him holding him and realising that all this wasn't something he ever had the chance to have with Brendan. Maybe this really was his second chance.
He found he slept better than he had in, well, years too. It was on the late side when he woke up, but he was alone in bed. That wasn't something he had been expecting. He propped himself up on his elbow and rubbed his other hand over his face to woke up a little more and try to figure out why he was alone when he and Emilio had plans to go out for breakfast and a walk in the park that morning. The reason was soon evident when he heard the toilet flush in his adjoining en suite and Emilio appeared in the doorway soon after. Cole only had to take one look at him to see he had sick written all over him.
"Babe...? Are you okay?" he asked in concern, albeit slightly bewildered because that was the exact moment he realised that if this was an actual thing, there might be times where he had to take care of Emilio, and not just everything be about him and his own problems.
@ muserevival || 051.3. Drabble
Jan. 17th, 2014 05:40 pmarrechoHERE @ musereival
Ridiculous
Emilio’s patience had been so short-lived, it was ridiculous. He was ashamed and knew that Cole wasn’t the only one who fucked up. This was going to be hard... very, very hard. He had given Cole his word that he wanted to help him with this, so responding to Cole’s drug and booze-soaked anger when he fell off the three-days-clean wagon, Emilio knew he could have had much better coping skills with it.
He now let himself into Cole’s apartment with the key Cole had given him at the start of all this. It had been Cole’s idea, and Emilio had appreciated the trust. It was a large apartment, but it was in a mess. He just stepped over whatever was lying down and went through to Cole’s bedroom. He was lying sprawled prone across his bed, with the remnants of a bender on his nightstand. A mirror with white powder residue, a spent bottle of black label Smirnoff vodka, an overflowing ashtray, and even a couple of used needles with a belt used to restrict circulation. Cole was shirtless and unconscious, and probably would be for some time.
( Emilio tiredly rubbed at his head, shaking it helplessly... )
Ridiculous
Emilio’s patience had been so short-lived, it was ridiculous. He was ashamed and knew that Cole wasn’t the only one who fucked up. This was going to be hard... very, very hard. He had given Cole his word that he wanted to help him with this, so responding to Cole’s drug and booze-soaked anger when he fell off the three-days-clean wagon, Emilio knew he could have had much better coping skills with it.
He now let himself into Cole’s apartment with the key Cole had given him at the start of all this. It had been Cole’s idea, and Emilio had appreciated the trust. It was a large apartment, but it was in a mess. He just stepped over whatever was lying down and went through to Cole’s bedroom. He was lying sprawled prone across his bed, with the remnants of a bender on his nightstand. A mirror with white powder residue, a spent bottle of black label Smirnoff vodka, an overflowing ashtray, and even a couple of used needles with a belt used to restrict circulation. Cole was shirtless and unconscious, and probably would be for some time.
( Emilio tiredly rubbed at his head, shaking it helplessly... )
"Oops, I did it again."
Dec. 9th, 2013 02:36 amburninginsideWho: Cole Carrington and Emilio Alvarez
What: Cockblocked explanations
Where: TriBeCa Grand Hotel, NYC
When: After THIS and THIS
Shit and fuck. This wasn't how things were supposed to go. Sweaty and out of breath, Cole flopped onto his back in the king-sized hotel bed and swiped a hand over his face. Next to him, there was an angry growl of frustration and then he found the covers unceremoniously shoved over onto him as Emilio threw them back and got up out of the bed to stalk over to his pile of clothes to get dressed. Cole fought the heavy covers off him and then sat up on the bed, them pooling around his waist. "Emilio, wait. Please?" he begged him quietly, wondering how the fuck he was going to explain this.
He still hadn't even really known what happened the night before. They flirted, they ended up in his office, he was high (like he always was when he pulled) and they fucked on his desk. It started out fine, and it was typical with Cole shutting out what was going on and imaging himself with Brendan. But as it progressed, there was just something... different about this with Emilio. There was a softness to Emilio, it wasn't just a frantic fuck. The soft tone of his voice, where he put his hands, the kissing was different. Cole's brain was on information overload and when he came, for the first time in a long time, he stopped imagining Brendan and was seeing Emilio. It spooked him. He cut short without finishing Emilio off and stalked out of his office, and didn't come back. Understandably, Emilio had been pissed.
So, he somehow talked his way into Emilio meeting him at a cafe, but Cole started to get worried about talking about his private shit in a public place like that. If he even got that far. He didn't know how much he wanted to tell Emilio in explaining, but if he wanted to, he didn't want it where other people would overhear. Before he met Emilio, he stopped at the Grand TriBeCa hotel and checked into a room, so when he met Emilio, he explained why. Emilio looked less than convinced and actually disdainful of the whole thing, but he did end up going back to the room with Cole. Cole had intended on trying to explain, but instead when push came to shove, he chickened out and got cold feet, instead telling Emilio he would make it up to him instead. Next thing, they were snogging and then they were naked, and fucking all over again. Cole was topping again, and again, that thing happened where he couldn't channel his memories of Brendan again. Instead, it was Emilio, and again, it all bottomed out. This time, he lost his erection and couldn't keep going, so he had pulled out of Emilio in frustration, and here they were.
Only, he was pretty sure there was no way Emilio was going to let him explain, and he was actually feeling guilty about this whole thing. He never, for a moment, intended to treat Destina's brother like this, let alone make him feel like an insignificant whore. He actually liked Emilio, but he was pretty sure he fucked the chances of that being returned entirely by this point.
What: Cockblocked explanations
Where: TriBeCa Grand Hotel, NYC
When: After THIS and THIS
Shit and fuck. This wasn't how things were supposed to go. Sweaty and out of breath, Cole flopped onto his back in the king-sized hotel bed and swiped a hand over his face. Next to him, there was an angry growl of frustration and then he found the covers unceremoniously shoved over onto him as Emilio threw them back and got up out of the bed to stalk over to his pile of clothes to get dressed. Cole fought the heavy covers off him and then sat up on the bed, them pooling around his waist. "Emilio, wait. Please?" he begged him quietly, wondering how the fuck he was going to explain this.
He still hadn't even really known what happened the night before. They flirted, they ended up in his office, he was high (like he always was when he pulled) and they fucked on his desk. It started out fine, and it was typical with Cole shutting out what was going on and imaging himself with Brendan. But as it progressed, there was just something... different about this with Emilio. There was a softness to Emilio, it wasn't just a frantic fuck. The soft tone of his voice, where he put his hands, the kissing was different. Cole's brain was on information overload and when he came, for the first time in a long time, he stopped imagining Brendan and was seeing Emilio. It spooked him. He cut short without finishing Emilio off and stalked out of his office, and didn't come back. Understandably, Emilio had been pissed.
So, he somehow talked his way into Emilio meeting him at a cafe, but Cole started to get worried about talking about his private shit in a public place like that. If he even got that far. He didn't know how much he wanted to tell Emilio in explaining, but if he wanted to, he didn't want it where other people would overhear. Before he met Emilio, he stopped at the Grand TriBeCa hotel and checked into a room, so when he met Emilio, he explained why. Emilio looked less than convinced and actually disdainful of the whole thing, but he did end up going back to the room with Cole. Cole had intended on trying to explain, but instead when push came to shove, he chickened out and got cold feet, instead telling Emilio he would make it up to him instead. Next thing, they were snogging and then they were naked, and fucking all over again. Cole was topping again, and again, that thing happened where he couldn't channel his memories of Brendan again. Instead, it was Emilio, and again, it all bottomed out. This time, he lost his erection and couldn't keep going, so he had pulled out of Emilio in frustration, and here they were.
Only, he was pretty sure there was no way Emilio was going to let him explain, and he was actually feeling guilty about this whole thing. He never, for a moment, intended to treat Destina's brother like this, let alone make him feel like an insignificant whore. He actually liked Emilio, but he was pretty sure he fucked the chances of that being returned entirely by this point.
[ TEXT MESSAGE ] To Destina
Dec. 8th, 2013 10:18 pmarrechoAlright, I'm going to let you set me up. If only because the guy I hooked up with last night was such an asshole.