"But either way, I got you in my DNA."

[slowsouthernstyle]

Who: Jesse Hartley and Cillian O'Donovan
What: A simple twist of AncestryDNA
Where: Hartley/Turner/Casey Home, NYC
When: After this and this

Jesse finished loading their bed clothes in the washing machine when he heard the doorbell chime and checked his watch for the time. The morning had started out pretty badly and time really got away from him but he wasn't foreign to a bit of chaos from time to time. There was just more than their fair share of it in the family lately. At least Merlin was being discharged from hospital, which was a weight off everyone's mind now he was on the mend.

Then Jace had a seizure when he went to the grocery store with Nana Turner, so Jesse had turned down shifts at work for the rest of the week so he could take care of him for what would inevitably be a few days out of action. Jace slept most of yesterday away but he was really struggling with is functioning, so needed Jesse's help with everything. When he woke up that morning, he was a little more lucid but ended up having an accident in bed when his brain misfired the messages to his body. He was feeling pretty miserable and wanted to go back to bed to sleep once Jesse got everything cleaned up and remade the bed. Jesse gave him a kiss and a cuddle, tucking him in and telling him to just call out if he needed help. Jesse would keep a close eye on him anyway, in case there were any aftershock seizures.

Regardless of that, he still had every intention of keeping his promise to Merlin to reach out to Cillian for a chat. Even if it was just to get a bit more information and clarity around who he was and what intentions he had. He hoped that it helped allay some of Merlin's anxiety about the whole thing and help him make the massive decisions he faced. He spent a lot of time with Merlin the evening before last, asking him what he wanted to know of Cillian and if there was anything he wanted Jesse not to get into. No matter what happened, it was going to be difficult. Jesse knew that, having gone through meeting his own paternal biological family. Luckily for him, that all turned out pretty amazing but he knew it could just have easily gone the other way.

He went to answer the door and as soon as he opened it, couldn't help being surprised to not find someone standing there but sitting... in a wheelchair. There was no doubting it was guy in the photo from AncestryDNA that Merlin had shown them, though, so he smiled and offered his hand. "Cillian? I'm Jesse. It's nice to meet you in person."

Comments

[slowsouthernstyle]

Biting his lip and narrowing his eyes a little, Jesse tipped his head to the side. "Garda? That's the police in Ireland, yeah? Do you... mean Euan Fitzpatrick, by chance? A police detective, or Captain now, with the NYPD? If so, then Merlin's best friend, Wesley, is dating Euan's adopted son, Noah. They met when Wes moved to New York around the time Merlin started dating Brandon. It's a bit of a small world but Euan knows so many folk, it's not surprising. If that's the case, Euan will be a wealth of knowledge for you, connecting some gaps in the story you might have. He absolutely could give you guidance on finding your feet with how fatherhood might look with a child you never knew you fathered. Not just with his own young son, but with Noah too, who he rescued from a very dark place. Merlin has panic disorder but personality-wise, he's actually always been a very chilled out and laidback guy. He's very loving and caring. It's only really been worrying about Brandon being sick and the horrible ordeal with him nearly dying after a massive internal bleed that his stress levels have increased and caused him more problems. Before, the ADHD was well-controlled with medication and migraines were usually his his stress came out. Even his abdo discomfort was minimal. He was only diagnosed with ulcerative colitis when Brandon was waiting on the bone marrow transplant. Merlin donated before he was diagnosed, so it didn't preclude him donating at that point. This time around, though, it might. But the haematologist froze extra samples in case a follow up was needed. We're fortunate Brandon has the means for the best healthcare available. You don't have to be concerned about Brandon. He'll protect Merlin and won't let you hurt him but if your intentions are genuine, he's not going to be any sort of obstacle. He'll support whatever Merlin wants."

[somethinglikemagic]

Cillian's mouth dropped open in surprise and he cupped his hand under his chin with a shake of his head, listening to Jesse walk him through the six degrees of separation he never knew he had to his son. It was so close and it blew his mind. New York was the biggest city in the world, it hadn't occurred to him Euan might know Merlin or even know someone who knew him. It had been a long time since Euan was last in Ireland and Cillian and his cousin had a pint with him. Euan always said to give him a call if he was ever in New York but it had been years since Cillian ever made the trek to the US. "Fuckin' hell. Aye, that's who I mean. His reputation precedes him, o' course. But I don't know what I'm even 'sposed to do with that. It's just real hard to reconcile that I've missed so much. I've got a kid but he's not a kid and he doesn't need a dad. He has this whole... complicated, painful, beautiful life that doesn't really need me in. I've no experience as a parent but there's this strange pull inside that I just want to do anythin' I can to help him. Probably the hardest and most confusin' thing I've e'er felt in my life and I guess that' sayin' somethin' considerin' I'm sittin' here without the use o' my legs. I'm not sure I'm even doin' the right thing anymore." He cleared his throat, shifting into territory he wasn't sure how to begin to figure out. "Can I ask how ya' connected with him once he found out he was adopted and ya' were his brother? He knew ya' as his brother's friend but that's a world apart from brother, on a deep emotional level."

[slowsouthernstyle]

"I think that, right there, is something any parent who comes into their kid's life later than birth can empathise with. It's something I've heard Justin's dad say time and again. I'm not a parent so take my advice in regards to parenting as you will but it might be a good idea to try to not go into this with regrets. Regret is a really hard thing to overcome and I don't think you regret finding him. This isn't a bad thing. It's a good thing. Yes, he already has parents who love him very much, and yes, he's a grown adult who doesn't need any hand's on parenting anymore. But that doesn't mean he doesn't need his real father in his life. It doesn't mean he has no place for you. Figuring out what place that is, it's up to you both to work out together and it's going to take time. It'll probably feel very strange and awkward initially, it'll take a hell of a lot of talking and asking questions. In a lot of ways, being someone he can talk to is one of the most valuable things for Merlin anyway. It is for anyone who suffers anxiety. Merlin's always been a huge talker so he will always need listeners. But he's also an amazing listener, so maybe he can help you in that sense too. I don't doubt it's going to be difficult and emotional for you to tell him everything you went through but at the same time, it could be therapeutic and a way of bridging that gap of time lost between you." Jesse smiled and shrugged, leaning forward to adjust the cushions behind his back. "Oh, well, that particular challenge, I had the benefit of him being furious with the rest of his family at the time, so he really needed me. He felt like he could trust me when he lost trust for them. I was pretty close to his family growing up because my own were... well, you can probably connect the dots. The Larsons just treated me like another son so Merlin already saw me as an honorary big brother. Unfortunately, that did only make calibrating the secret of his adoption more difficult for him. Mostly, I was just a sounding board for his anger. We bonded because I helped him through it. Try not to overthink it. Which, as I say that out loud, I realise might be difficult if he inherited the overthinking tendencies from you."

[somethinglikemagic]

"I guess, in a surreal way, it's a wee bit comfortin' to hear that I'm not the only one who feels like an imposter in this situation. That's prime advise right there, howe'er, Jesse. To not go in with regrets. That's rarely a good thing and I'd say even more so when ya' tryin' to meet ya' kid and form a connection with them. Used to be much better with the overthinkin' before I got hurt. Bloody hell, the poor kid inherits that and ulcerative colitis from us. There's got to be some good that filtered down the DNA to him, aye?" Cillian shook his head, trying to tell his brain not to develop a headache just attempting to wrap his head around all this. He hadn't even met Merlin yet and already, it was an emotional rollercoaster. "I'm glad he had ya', though. And the rest o' his family o' course. Things are good with his other brother now? Are his folks goin' to be okay with this? I'm a stranger, so the hesitancy is understandable but I give ya' all my word that with all the regrets I do have in life, they made me who I am today and I only have good intentions here. I'd never want to hurt him and if it seems like it's headin' that way if it's too much, I'll be on the next flight home. Can't say I even know where to start but I'll just play it by ear and his lead. Just wish it could be in any other circumstances than him bein' unwell and his other half facin' cancer again. I don't know if there's any way I can help with any o' that, but if there is, they just need to say the word."

[slowsouthernstyle]

Jesse smiled, though he couldn't blame Cillian for the doubts he was having. Anyone in his shoes would be having them. "Of course there's going to be plenty of good but you don't need me as a buffer for those things. It'll mean more to you and Merlin to discover them yourselves together. You're going to need things to bond over and connect with. I'm only here to cushion the impact because Merlin's under the weather and a emotionally frazzled. If Brandon was well, if Merlin hadn't just had surgery, I wouldn't be needing to be here. He would've just taken those first steps himself. I'm just trying to alleviate some of his anxiety, and yours. But the good stuff? That should be discovered slowly and savoured. It's going to be stuff that doesn't involve me or isn't even my business. I actually think Merlin will find a lot of comfort in hearing you're an overthinker too. Just keep yourself in check and keep schooling yourself not to censor with him and avoid things to protect him. From the word go, his brain will be in overdrive trying to form a picture of you and analyse how you fit in his life. Give him what he needs so his overthinking anxiety brain doesn't ty to fill in the gaps with worst case scenarios." He finished his tea and put his empty mug down. "Things are back to normal with Damien. Damien actually married his husband on stage at one of Justin's concerts not long after Brandon pulled through the bone marrow transplant complications. Damien's a typical big brother, extremely protective so he might be a bit of a guard dog when you meet him but he's a marshmallow otherwise. I'd say the Larsons are anxious how this will turn out but all you need to do is make on those good intentions and it'll just be about us all finding a new normal but we've been in protective mode for a long time, so we're well-versed in that. As are you, without a doubt. If you're the same blood group as Merlin, you can always donate blood for Brandon. He'll inevitably need transfusions at some point."

[somethinglikemagic]

"So, ya' said ya' have a good relationship with the biological family ya' discovered? It cant've been an easy thing to acclimatise to, knowin' ya' biological dad had passed. One thing I'm truly discoverin' is the inevitable complexity o' these sorts o' relationships. It can be really hard but it doesn't have to be bad. Just takes time. I thought my head and my heart were on the same page with how I was goin' to try to go into it but hearin' Brandon's leukemia has relapsed changed a lot, as did hearin' Merlin was in the hospital. Not sure what I was ultimately expectin' but definitely not that. Guess I expected to find them both in their prime and back in the swing o' things after readin' Brandon was in remission. Just tell him there's no rush and to take all the time he needs. Even if I go back to Ireland, I can be back on the next flight whenever he's ready." Cillian nodded and offered an emphatic gesture with his hand. "O' course, I'll donate blood. I'm A+, if that helps. Whatever they need, consider it done."