"When the night has come and the land is dark, and the moon is the only light we see."

[theateroflove]

Who: Tori Kingston, Sasha Stanford and Zeke Wyatt + Squad
What: Chilling Out & Enjoying Memories
Where: Lakehouse, Vermont
When: After this

After the memorial when everyone had finished watching the wreaths and lanterns float across the lake, Cassidy had ushered Tori to one of the nearest cushy beanbag and unceremoniously planted him in it and told him to rest and relax. She brought him a mug of hot chocolate with marshmallows (which were also purple, Justin didn't miss a thing in his planning) and sat with him for a little bit to make sure he was okay. Probably double-checking he wasn't about to keel over and start bleeding and vomiting all over the place like the night he lost his shit at the neighbour's barbecue. Other than a lingering headache, a little dull nausea, and some wooziness if he stood too long, he was on the mend. He could've done without any of that crap, but he had to learn the hard way that there was nothing simple about grieving.

Soon, Sasha had come over and pulled another beanbag up beside him while Justin sat nearby playing the bongo drums and started to sing the classic song, Stand By Me, which was one of Andi's favourites. When Sasha asked him how he was feeling, Tori gave him a reassuring smile. "Better. Kind of done-in with all the emotion and still feeling a little rough with cracking my head on the pavement, but I think better than I have in awhile." He looked back over to Justin. "Did you give him a list of the songs she loved? I didn't know he could play the bongos. He blows me away, I feel so honoured to have the chance to work with him. Cas adores him. I love that he takes care of her and she can trust him to confide in. I can't believe he did all this for Ands and he barely knew her."

Comments

[playingtowin]

As much as Zeke really wanted to camp outside in one of the amazing tents that had beds that looked so comfortable, he didn't want to be too far away from a bathroom. The stress left him with a crampy stomach but he knew it was just tension that had abated a lot since finally talking things out with Sasha and Tori. He felt a lot better than he had but it had left him tired and achy so he knew it was his body telling him he needed to be in bed to get some rest. Sasha made sure he was in Will's capable hands but he was surprised to find Jett had come to see him once he was lying down and finally letting himself unwind. He smiled when he saw Jett. "Hey. You didn't have to do that. It's nice to see you, though. Sorry, I didn't mean to make anyone worry. It's just been a pretty shitty night for me to navigate through. Do you want tea?" he offered, gesturing to the pot with cups over on the dresser.

[canadianheart]

Jett helped himself to some tea and came back to sit on the side of the bed beside Zeke. "You don't have to apologise to any of us, for any of it. Worry is what people who love you do, okay? It doesn't matter what sort of love it is. That doesn't dictate the rules." He sipped the tea and smiled at Zeke over the rim. "It was hard seeing you so upset and knowing I'm not the one to step in as first port of call anymore. I just wanted you to know that. We might not be dating but I still love you. I still care about you. I always will, Z. I wish you didn't have to be in so much pain, which is why I'm so glad you have Will. I think he might help break through that a little for you. Does he help? Get through the pain? I won't ask if you're happy. That's not fair on a day like today."

[playingtowin]

Zeke smiled back and nodded with a little laugh. "Thanks, though, for telling me. I've been worrying things would be weird or awkward between us going forward. I always thought break-ups had to be nasty, you know? I actually forgot for awhile there that cancer changes all the goal posts for everything. Your just as much by best friend as Sash is and I love you to bits. Please don't ever feel like you're not the first port of call anymore. I still want you in my life. Today was just such a cold reality check for me that I couldn't anticipate how it would make me feel. I got angry. I got really fucking angry at Tori when it's not his fault. He's not coping either. He's had some bad news and I was a dick to him about it." He took a sip of his own tea but was taking it slow, like Will reminded him. "I feel content with Will. Safe, I guess. Not that I didn't feel that with you, but I was discontent in our relationship because I know you needed things I couldn't give you. And that's okay. I see you with Brody and I know it's where you belong. I mean, he was your first guy you slept with, right? That's freaking special."

[canadianheart]

"No, I'm never letting anything be weird with us. I think we were great together and I'll always cherish what we had. I think love and romance is amazing but I also think that when something like cancer comes along, nothing can be navigated normally. My dad said that. He said it's so much shit, there's no fan big enough for it all to hit. I've thought a lot about it all. I know that you needed to shelve our relationship for so many different reasons. You didn't want to burden me, you didn't have the strength or energy to think about romance, you were feeling stressed over not being able to have sex, feeling like you were denying me, not knowing how long that would last, fearing you might not make it a second time. And all running on empty with horrible chemicals in your blood trying to fix you." Jett patted Zeke's arm affectionately. "You never expected anything to happen with Will and I'm glad you're open to it. You deserve it, Z. As much as we all do and then some. I never expected anything with Brody either. I got myself into so much mess and he peeled me off the grocery store parking lot. I don't want you to think it's just because I needed sex and you couldn't give it to me."

[playingtowin]

"Your dad's right. Like, in some different alternate universe, I don't get cancer and I'm none the wiser to how it feels to get it for a second time. We keep dating because the very life I've fought to keep living has turned around and royally fucked me in the ass. The first time, even how sick I was and had loads of my gut cut out, they still gave a positive prognosis. I was young, they got the tumours, I was responding well to chemo even if it ripped me a new one, like, literally, if we consider I had a stoma back then too. But this time, there's none of that. Just a whole lot of how I beat it once, I can do it again. And a whole lot of people thinking that because I've done it before, it makes me an expert. I'm all equipped for round two. But it just doesn't fucking work like that. This time's worse for me. I hate that we had to be a casualty but I didn't want to lose you for good. It seemed like the right thing to do to hold onto what we could before it all got destroyed. You'll always be my first, even if no dicks made it into any holes," Zeke murmured with a wistful smile. He blew on his tea to cool it down a little but it was still to hot to take more than some small sips. "Yeah, you never said exactly what happened there. Was it your CFS? I knew you were sick. I saw your dad getting his check-up when the clinic was signing me off to come up here. He was worried about you coming."

[canadianheart]

"Okay, but... stay with me here, Z. This time you have different doctors. You have Beau, who has been there. He's had it a second time. He knows all these feelings. He knows the fear. Do you really think he would shower you with all those platitudes when he knows that you still have to face the fight? Maybe the best way through it is each day, you know? That's how Sash says he takes it with Justin. Beau's not going to bullshit you. He's probably about the most real doctor to ever exist, which is why he's such a good Oncologist. Just one day at a time. The days you're good, knock it out of the park. Laugh and do stupid shit. Have dates with Will, even if they're not conventional. On the bad days, sleep, feel horrible, cry, yell. Call any of us up to rant, because we're all here for you. Especially Sash and Shannon. Do whatever it takes." Jett put his tea on the nightstand so he could shift further onto the bed, sitting beside Zeke cross-legged and reaching for his cup again. "Dad took me to Dr Chester for a check-up. I probably had a bit of a flu bug or something and it just stirred the asshole up. I flew up to Vancouver for Mom's birthday the week before and I probably caught something on the flight. I'm a fucking germ magnet. Brodes was just a total sweetheart about it."

[playingtowin]

"I... hadn't thought about it like that. I don't really want the platitudes, you're right. A day at a time, I can handle that. I guess I'm just in the anger phase on some level. I hate being angry. It's like it needs more energy than I have to give it. I totally lost my shit at Tori. He was avoiding me and the thing is, I completely get why he was. His sister died and, well, he has the gene. He's probably terrified. I don't want to shove all my, you know, sick cancer person stuff in his face. But I was missing him as a friend. I was feeling like I was just morphing into nothing but a diagnosis and not a person anymore. I hate being out of action, I hate being a virgin." Zeke scrunched his face up, even disliking how that was coming out. "No. That's not true. I don't hate it, I'm just fed up with it. Have you been having lots of sex with Brody? Because I kind of need to live vicariously through all my pals. In saying that, Will's been... sort navigating me in there. Showing me there's different things to do, and I kind of want to try but I'm scared I'll suck at it. How are you feeling now? You look tired. You've looked tired since you got here. You got that peaky heavy-eyed look."

[canadianheart]

Jett nodded with a wry smile. "It's okay to be angry. Sometimes you'll take it out on other people, but that's okay too. You're only human. You don't have to suck it up and just deal all the time. Just don't let it take over and make you miserable. You're not a miserable person and I know you appreciate laughing and having fun. Tori has the cancer gene? Fuck, that's hard. I admire him for being tested. I've not quite had the balls to do it myself. I don't think I want to know. Dad's well and healthy now, so even if I've got it, I know it's beatable. I don't think I'd be as strong as you, though, Z. Even just when I thought I might have it without even a diagnosis, I was a fucking mess. I had myself dead and buried at just the thought. I've had my eyes opened a lot coming to live with Dad, though. And meeting you." He gave Zeke a smile, glad they could still have the friendly and caring connection, even if they broke up. "You're not just a diagnosis. Cancer doesn't define you. You're a billion times more than cancer. You just happen to be really sick right now and that's overwhelming. I don't know... I wouldn't say lots. I haven't had the energy for it. It's more just been, like, reuniting. Getting to know each other. Brody's been through a lot. He's changed. You can't really suck at it, babe. You're talking handies and blowies? Maybe rimming? It's all nice. I like bottoming. I like the feeling of someone being inside me. You could do it like that. I am tired but don't worry. I'm not too tired to talk."

[playingtowin]

Zeke smirked at Jett when they eased into the subject of sex. "Thanks for not feeling awkward and changing the subject. I know it could've been weird to mention it to you but I also know you're your father's son and if anyone could give me open and honest advice about this, it would be you. I guess that's the stuff I mean but it just feels strange to think about doing when I can't get it up and I can't, you know, lead the way. But honestly, my guts are disconnected from my butt right now, so it would probably be a convenient time to try something because there won't be any accidental shit or farts, which I know must happen, all this considered. I was going to ask Sash about it but with Jus being in such a bad way and Sash being Ace, I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable. Even though I know he's not sex-repulsed, but I know porn and sex scenes on TV make him feel weird." He groaned softly and rubbed a hand over his forehead. "See? I overthink this so much. I'm ready. I'm so fucking ready and my body is being a cunt. Are you sure this is the type of conversation you want to deal with if you're tired?"