"Late nights got me staring into the moon."

[headingforsomething]

Who: Reecy Chester-Wilson and Jude Willis
What: Late Night Deep-and-Meaningfuls
Where: Sydney, Australia
When: After this

The night sky was clear and covered in stars while the near-full moon cast a glittery streak across the surface of the ocean in the distance. There was something about the Australia sky that just seemed so much more crisp, clear, and fresh than Reecy had ever seen in her home country. She had a soft spot in her heart for this place, considering her baby brother in every way but blood was half-Australian. Though, some days, Justin seemed 100% Aussie. It had only really been since his real birth mother appeared that it was obvious how much of her genes he also shared. It was common for people to say Justin was Mark all over, which he was in so many ways, but you could see Alexis in his looks and there was no doubt all his musical and artistic talent came from her. Reecy thought Alexis was amazing and absolutely stunning. She wished she'd been able to spend more time with her and the way they would come to do that now was awful and made Reecy's stomach hurt far beyond even what the morning sickness was doing.

She picked up her wine glass and took a sip of the pretty decent non-alcoholic prosecco, trying to let the peaceful view of the ocean and beach beyond the backyard fence calm her. It wasn't really working. Her heavy heart was struggling with the enormity of knowing she had to try to visit Justin - and Sash - in the hospital tomorrow. It was unclear how his condition was and he didn't want visitors, though Justin's grandmother called her earlier and told her that Sash's mother was finally able to get to the hospital after all the covid roadblocks and Justin hadn't turned her away like he had been with everyone else. Right at this moment, even at this late hour, Mrs Stanford was still with both boys so no one really knew if she had any success breaching Justin's severe depression and grief trying to deal with the consequences of the car crash and hearing his dad had fallen off the booze wagon. Reecy was so worried about him. But she was also conscious she wasn't a blood relative and that trying to push Justin when he wasn't capable mentally or emotionally seeing people. He only ever shut down like this when he was having a severe episode with his bipolar or C-PTSD.

Further along the upper floor balcony where she had been sitting alone with her thoughts, she heard one of the glass doors slide up and Jude stepped out in just a pair of boxers and went over to lean on the railing, taking in a deep long breath and letting it out slowly. "How's the patient?" she asked, hoping she wouldn't startle him when he spotted her sitting there alone with only the moon and some fairy lights strung over the railing for light. "You look like you need a drink but I can't offer you anything with a kick, I'm afraid but it's as close to the real deal as you can get."

Comments

[underyourskin]

"I don't want him to think that any of my insecurities about any of this are because of him. I made that mistake way too many times with you, letting you feel like my issues were your fault or because you didn't matter enough. I'm a different person now, I won't repeat past bad mistakes. But I guess I'm still scared I will. It's weird that it's been so easy to focus on living life in-the-moment when I'm single and getting my life back on track but the minute someone romantically comes into it again, I start losing my footing and worrying about fucking it up again. In a way, I suppose I've just been trying to make sure he has an out if he decides doing this with me is more than he bargained for. Saying that out loud, it sounds dumb." Jude drew his lips together and listened to the sound of the ocean in the distance as he finally let himself analyse where his mind had been turning since he and Winston's very successful date. "Trying to protect him from me. Old habits die hard. The worst part? I never wanted to hurt you, Reec. Ever. The fact I did, I'll always have to live with. But I'm so fucking conscious of not wanting to do that to anyone else. But I'm also so hooked on him already. Like, it's making my head spin that he's giving me butterflies and that I can't stop thinking about him. We just clicked and I think he's amazing. His smile, the way he laughs, the incredible achievements in his career, how insightful and caring he is. All the things you are. All the things I still feel like I'm not good enough for." He shrugged with a soft sigh, feeling a massive hit of vulnerability saying this stuff out loud. It was also weird that it just happened to be Reecy who was easiest to say it to now.

He got up and went to sit on the end of Reecy's sunlounge, putting his hand over hers. "You're terrified of losing them both. Justin and your baby. I don't have any advice for that beyond telling you that it's okay to be feeling so scared, it feels like it's suffocating you. Especially at a time like this. Sometimes, there's just no words of wisdom that'll cut it. What I do know is that against all odds, no matter what he's going through, Justin will always try his best to make sure his big sister's okay. And when he sees that she's not, he's going to know exactly what to say. The only way Justin gets through life is taking it a moment at a time and maybe that's what you need to do right now. Just one little uterus-nurturing moment at a time. How about I make you some tea? Isn't that supposed to help everything feel a little bit better?"

[headingforsomething]

"Tea sounds perfect. Let's do that. I'll come with you." Reecy hooked her fingers around Jude's and gave them a squeeze before she shifted to unfold herself from the sunlounge. She gestured for him to lead the way and re-tied the sash of her robe at her hip. It was strange to think she might need to buy maternity clothes soon. She didn't want to let herself go too far down that train of thought just yet. She still wasn't convinced her body would come through on this again. "He's not going to think that, hon. The last thing he'll expect is you coming into this with no past. On the contrary, he knows your past so you guys don't have to go through that uncomfortable part of the equation. It's already hashed out. You've got it so bad for him already. If we were anywhere else but here - and for the reason we're here - I'd say, okay, play it on the safe side. Take your time and wade in from the shallow end. But we're here because two kids we all love so much nearly died in a terrible accident. If now isn't the time to take some risks with your heart and just enjoy what's coming your way after everything, when is? And Winnie's really amazing to just enjoy, honeybunch. You know I wouldn't just say that to blow smoke up your ass. I'd be the first to try to hold you off if I thought you'd hurt him. What happened with us happened to bring us both to where we are now and because of that, none of it was meaningless. None of it was senseless either. It was just life. And life can be the most terrifying when it's the most amazing. Okay? Trust me? Believe in your own words. It's okay to be feeling scared. That doesn't stop it being right."

[underyourskin]

Reecy would always have this way of giving Jude so much food for thought. She was one of those free spirits who saw depths to the world that not everyone was lucky to understand. Justin had it too, even more so than Reecy, and that was likely why they had connected from day one and had such fierce love and protection for each other. Reecy had so much on her plate right now but she was still giving him the time of day to offload the chaotic overthinking knot in his head. They went back into the house via the glass doors of the room Jude and Winston were sharing at the beach house, Reecy taking his hand and giving his fingers a little encouraging tug as they stepped over the threshold. Winston was still crashed out, stripped down to his boxers and lying on his stomach diagonally with his head on Jude's pillow. It was a different position to what Jude left him in and he had kicked all the sheets off onto the floor. The aircon was on but only on low because Winston said it would make his head worse. Even though he was sleeping, he was holding onto the red plastic salad bowl that had been standing in as a sick bowl since they got there. It had been the first thing Reecy managed to grab from the kitchen when Jude and Winston arrived from the airport and the first thing Winston said when they got in the house was that he was going to throw up again. It was empty now, though, thankfully, and that he was still asleep was a good sign. Hopefully, when he woke up, the migraine would be passing.

Jude saw the icepack Winston had on his head earlier had dropped down under his chin and was well and truly melted by now, so he unwrapped it from the teatowel so he could take it back downstairs to the freezer. He topped Winston's drink bottle up with some more Gatorade and diluted it with about 50/50 of water. He kissed Winston's bare shoulder and then very lightly his temple before heading out the other door into the hall leading to the main stairs. "How did you know that Kyan was the ultimate One?" he finally asked Reecy as they headed down the sprawling staircase that turned down into a gorgeous marble-floored foyer with a fountain in the middle. "Fuck, this place is gorgeous. Do you think Justin and Sash would ever want to live here? I wouldn't wanna ever leave if it was mine. Speaking of... I, um... I ask Winston to come stay with me. Like, as a trial for something more... permanent. But mostly only because he needs somewhere to live and I've got plenty of space."

[headingforsomething]

Reecy stood by the door and quietly observed Jude with Winston, a soft smile on her face. Jude had always been a natural caretaker, a gift in himself he often underestimated or second-guessed when they were a couple. But since then, he had become a fully qualified Registered Nurse and was aiming for a Masters. She knew without a shadow of a doubt that her BFF/brother from another mother was in the very best hands in this new relationship with Jude. It was early days but she was pretty sure she knew a special thing when she saw it. "Oooo, you're going in hard with the curly questions this late at night, huh? A jetlagged brain isn't supposed to be that sharp," she joked, stepping off the stairs and into the foyer. She looked around, smiling proudly at the interior of what was effectively a multimillion dollar mansion, a fortune she had witness be made from the very ground up with a lot of blood, sweat, pain, and tears from Justin. "Never permanently. At least, not for many years down the track. Their lives are in the US and just between you and me, if Smooshie survives this, he has an extremely bright future as a performer in his crosshairs. Besides his tour, he had another massive offer before all this happened. If he and Sash can just survive this together, they would have so much to look forward to. So much to fight for. I don't doubt they'll spend long stretches of time here, though. Australia is not just in Jus's blood but in his heart and soul."

She sat down on one of the stools at the kitchen island and reached over to pluck a couple of grapes from the well-stocked fruit bowl. "That's a massive step. But Winnie's not a conventional person at all. I don't think he'd be expecting any sort of traditional relationship trajectory, and he does need a place to live. Well, we invited him to come stay with us but he balked at it. What did he say about it?" She leaned on the counter and rested her head on her hand, pointing to the cupboard above the microwave when Jude went looking for tea-making things. "I knew Kyan was the Ultimate One when he told me it didn't matter that we didn't have biological children when I told him I didn't ever want to be pregnant again. When he agreed to come all-in on the adoption thing with me. By that point, I'd already fallen so fucking hard and I was smitten but I guess the answer is when you wake up one day and realise that you're no longer just a sole person but a half of a bigger whole. When you think about the future and nothing about it anymore is by yourself."

[underyourskin]

Jude raised his eyebrows, intrigued. "Yeah? Actually now you mention it, I remember at the time Justin's tour was still scheduled, Billy made some sort of typical proud honourary big brother comment about an international tour being child's play for a kid gunning for EGOT status probably sooner rather than later. He's already got two out of the four. You'd think he'd want to move into movies or TV? I asked him that once when he was over visiting Billy when I still lived with them and the kid just laughed at me," he said, smirking. Justin did surely have a wicked sense of humour and the ability to see the funny side of things (no doubt passed down in his genes from a family of Aussie dudes with superb comedic timing) but he also played his cards close to his chest. What he did say was probably a drop in the ocean compared to what he was actually plotting, planning, and involved in behind the scenes. Whenever he made big announcements, nothing had ever been leaked beforehand. "Not that I'd expect you to spill his secrets to me but he could work anywhere. You'd miss him if he did ever move here. Sometimes, New York feels so fucking claustrophobic and chaotic. I'd imagine it could be overwhelming to someone who's manic. I hope he has the strength to keep fighting. Sometimes, even the strongest folk just don't anymore."

After a little bit of hunting, he found what he needed to get the tea started. Not an easy feat considering Jude's entire apartment would easily fit into the area this kitchen/dining area took up with room to spare. The house was even far bigger than Billy and Ajay's place on the Upper East Side that Ajay's rockstar royalty father bought them as a wedding present. "I mean, in my defense, I offered him the room - his own room - before I knew we were going to give this romance thing a go together. I know I don't need to justify anything because, well, it is New York and finding a decent place for a manageable cost is a pain in the ass. I have the luxury of renting off my brother and brother-in-law and they basically want next to nothing in rent, all things considered. It made sense that Winston's should be able to take advantage of that. Plus, considering my twelve-hour rotational shifts, more often than not it would be like had the place to himself a lot of the time because even when I work nights, I sleep in the day. He'd still have his introvert privacy and breathing space. That was the biggest reason I asked, knowing our work schedules wouldn't align all the time and it would still give us a way to have time together, in the early relationship phase and all that. He said yes, basically just pointing out that we get along great and enjoy each other's company, so whatever else comes is a bonus. I'm nervous as hell doing the whole assessing our relationship compatibility and our living together compatibility concurrently. But there was this really smart person once upon a time who said it was never that I was difficult to live with, so there is that." He gave her a smile, checking the fridge for milk. "Oh hell, there's about eight different types of milk in here. Are you still a full-cream cow's milk gal? So, here's a curly question that probably doesn't have a straightforward answer... did you think you had deeper romantic feelings for him well before you realised you were falling for him? You guys were always close and you and I had been split for awhile when you started dating Ky. Can't say I'd blame you, he's a real life Prince Charming. I feel like I could be at risk of self-sabotage with my insecurities but I really don't want to be..."

[headingforsomething]

"Oh yeah, we all used to speculate about it when we were on Footloose together. You spend so much time observing him and watching how he does things, his natural talent becomes obvious. I mean, don't get me wrong, he works so fucking hard and he's not just out there doing from the space of talent alone but the way he interacts with music and the process of performing at such a young age, it's not something the rest of us will ever get to without years of experience under our belts. He draws on his misfiring emotions to strengthen that emotional connection with music you need to perform like that. If he wants to move into TV or movies, it's there for the taking for him. After all this, though, I'm not sure if he'll bounce back enough to want to. I guess it depends a lot on how Sash is long-term, what level of care they both need going forward. He only ever showed interest in writing music for screen, not necessarily being a screen actor. We asked him about it a lot but he leaned more to wanting to write and produce his own music first. It was something I was planning on chatting to him about when he got back from camping. He told me wanted to. Then all this happened. He might not be able to dance professionally, so his stage career will be called to question at some stage. It'll just be way too soon and need to wait. The offer was from someone who could be willing to wait s long as it takes, though. It's just timely because of his age." Reecy helped by spooning some sugar into the mugs, watching Jude make himself at home in the kitchen. So much had changed, it was surreal to be living it in the moment. "It's not about secrets. Smooshie's always knows we all chat amongst us about things he's up to. He's never minded. He's not precious like that. This had only just happened for him, so he didn't even get the chance to contemplate it much himself, let alone make any choices. Poor kid. Sash is his rock, they've carried it all together since they started dating. Smooshie will be feeling stuck on the stormy seas without a life raft. He'll always deteriorate until he has something to anchor to."

She smirked and shook her head. "Why not just share a room, though? You're already having sex and that's mostly why we share beds anyway, isn't it? Maybe it's quick but you make your own timeline. Winnie's no prude, he wouldn't see a need to have a separate room or anything. It makes sense. Things happen out of our control that leads or guides us to do stuff unconventionally. I think it's adorable as fuck. I can see how bashful you are about all this and I don't think its solely down to it being me you're talking to about it. Ky and I didn't take that long to move in together either, you know. It made sense when we wanted more time together. Life can be fucking terrible sometimes, we have to make our happiness however we choose. And you both deserve the happiness. Plus - and I'm totally biased with my matchmaking skills - I know you suit each other and are compatible. If you weren't that date wouldn't have gone as well as it did. Don't overthink it. Don't overanalyse the situation. Just try it and see how it goes. Yeah, definitely a cow's milk gal." She laughed, sliding the mugs back over the counter to him. "I absolutely had fucking deeper romantic feelings for Ky before I let myself understand I was falling for him. I was scared it would complicated our friendship or it would ruin it altogether. I was gun-shy like you are now, I didn't want it all to go wrong. I knew we were very different. But no matter how much my brain tried to play tricks on me about it all, I couldn't deny the feelings and what was happening between us. It would just been delusion and I couldn't let delusion make important decisions for me. It felt so right and comfortable, so that was new. I was used to chaos and complicated, you know? Nothing about Ky is chaos or complication. That's why he grounds me so much."

[underyourskin]

"Do you miss working with him? I know things are totally awesome for you and Kyan for Dirty Dancing and were basically made for the role but I know the whole dynamic with the OG Footloose bunch was pretty special. You all protected him and took care of him, even if he was, like, technically leading everything. I remember how devastated you were the first time you heard he attempted suicide. This is just as hard, I know. An accident like this, it affects more than just the victims of the accident. There's no way of knowing an accurate prognosis. You can't predict if there'll be complications or issues with healing or rehabilitation. And that's only considering Sash waking up. The aneurysm alone could've killed him. The longer he's unconscious, the worse his prognosis could get. All things that are no doubt spinning around and around in Justin's head constantly. Any of us would struggle to cope, let alone a kid with an already disabling mental illness. You've got that look all over you, that you feel so useless. But what I also know is you're his big sister in every way but blood and he's always opened up to you. Just being there will help him. You're not useless, hon. You need to try to stop stressing so hard. You have to take care of you and the bub. But I know that's easier said than done. As soon as Winston's head is feeling better, he'll be on hand to be your BFF rock. That's pretty much why we came over. Not to mention that you picked one of the best husbands in the business. I know he'll make sure you're taken care of." The kettle finished boiling so Jude filled the kettle, gave the tea leave a little stir, before leaving the teapot to steep.

He scooped up the mugs, milk, and sugar to take them over to the large living area that was skirted by a large modular sofa that faced outwards to another large window with views of the water. He put everything on the coffee table and flopped onto the sofa. "Yeah, yeah. I know that rationally now. I've just been overthinking everything too much. We're definitely going to share a room. Things have progressed since I offered him the room anyway. It's nice he's letting me take care of him and I love listening to him talk. It's nice and it's easy. I guess I've just been conscious about not wanting to rush things in case it goes wrong. But it doesn't even feel like it's rushing. So, what you're saying is, if it feels right, maybe it just so happens to be right and that's okay? We should just get the fuck outta our own way and enjoy it? I mean, you're nailing it, so who am I to deny the advice?"

[headingforsomething]

Reecy nodded with a wistful smile. "I do. A lot. I miss all the old crew. But we've grown up a lot since those days, we're all different people. Justin's different in that he understands his illnesses more now, so he knows what he can achieve. He lets his strengths guide him so the weaknesses he has from being so unwell are buffered much more than they were. I'm hoping to still work with him again if he recovers to perform again. He asked me to do backup vocals on the album he had in the works. He's been writing music for an album simultaneously to working with Will writing his book. This accident couldn't come at a worst time. But the thing in, he could retire tomorrow and still be completely set for life. If Sash is going to have a permanent TBI, Smooshie might choose to retire and be his carer. I don't think it's off the cards. It'll definitely be one of many things going around in his head and honestly... if it were Kyan and I in Sash and Smooshie's place, I'd probably do the same thing. Wouldn't even think twice about it. He means more to me than my career ever will. Music is Smooshie's medicine, though. I don't think he can remain stable without doing something performance related. He came close to quitting it all after Bondi. Any trauma re-opens old wounds for him."

"Having sex and wanting to share a bed isn't really rushing things, babe. It's just two consenting adults enjoying being together. It's all the other relationship stuff that can - and will - take time. But even then, there's no right or wrong way to do it. You go at a pace you're both comfortable with and that's all that matters. When you're living a life that is busy and has countless other things going on around you, you shape it as you go. Thinking about what shape you want that to be, wanting to look forward and not back, that's okay. You should be contemplating it. I think if it was wrong, by now you'd both be getting the gut feeling it was. This is why I wanted to lay all the cards on the table for you both right up, so things that don't need to be obstacles are packed up and left behind where they belong. Leaves room for the better things and the better things are really freaking amazing. It clicks into place like two puzzle pieces. You might both be different to one another and bring different pasts to the table, but that doesn't mean you won't fit together." She laughed and shrugged. "Hey, I'm far from an expert. But getting out of your own way is probably peak advice at this point in a relationship. Winnie's a lot like Ky in that it takes a lot for something to be an issue for them. It makes it easier to stop and smell the roses. Hell, they make you want to sit and watch the roses grow. That's what it's all about."

[underyourskin]

Jude wasn't foreign to that mask of worry Reecy got when she was concerned about Justin. He saw it many times when they were dating and had been with her on some of the occasions she got terrible phone calls that Justin had harmed himself again. She had confessed to him early on in their relationship that she knew she would never be able to fully shake a streak of inner fear she always had that any one of those next phone calls might be the one notifying her Justin had lost the battle. She'd had bad dreams about being at his funeral. "Knowing him as you do, what do you think he'll do? If Sash wakes up and even if it comes to light he has permanent damage from the brain injury. Do you think Justin would return to being a performer? It's what keeps him alive. It might be the worst thing for him to retire and step out of the spotlight. The spotlight isn't why he does it. It's just a byproduct of why he does. I get it, though. Any time I've been on an ER shift and he's come to us, whether from self-harming or complications of his illnesses or treatments, he says he wants to quit. Not quit music. Quit 'being him', is how he put it. I know we have to take assume that is verbiage of suicidal ideation or intention but I always wondered if it just meant he was tired of trying to be Justin Campbell, the global superstar, when he was suffering being Justin Campbell, the severely mentally unwell and scared teenager. Do you still lie awake at night stewing on that stuff or has it gotten easier since he met Sash and settled a little?"

"That's the thing, though. The pace does feel fast with us, it just doesn't feel like fast is a bad thing. It's almost like having that history with you for both of us, we've been able to bypass some of that early dating bullshit. The small talk, the getting to know each other from scratch. We already know enough to jump ahead a few levels and it feels good. It feels safe and peaceful, which does scare me. I've never really had anything safe and peaceful. But it does feel like what I witness Renz getting with Lew when they met. For want of a better analogy, yeah, just like puzzle pieces go together easily without needing to figure out where they go or having to force them to fit. I want to live with, I want to share a bed with him, have all those domestic comfort things with him. That's secondary, though. Primarily, it's just because I want him close and to spend as much time with him as I can. It just seems that the overreaching general consensus of the world is going too fast isn't the best thing. Then again, I know people where it's been the best thing for them and they're still going strong." He sat forward so he could pour the tea for them, making Reecy's mug for her first and handing it to her. "Winston's clearly a sensitive person and I'd say he's huge on the gut feeling thing. Do you think he'd be getting it by now if it was going to happen? And more, would he tell me if he was? For me, I can really see a future with him."