"You sound like you're sick..."

[lastfirstkiss]

Who? Jeff Hinton and Nick Matheson
What? Stepping in to lend a helping hand
When? After THIS
Where? Nick's apartment

Jeff wasn't exactly sure what to expect when he arrived at Nick's studio. The other guy had told him he was feeling pretty shit, and his brain was sort of foggy, which had made Jeff's decision for him. If Nick had just said he wasn't feeling well, but just wanted a lie down, Jeff would've understood and left him to it. But he'd openly admitted that he was planning to call someone to take him to the hospital, though he wasn't sure that he knew what he should be doing. Which again, set Jeff off with a red flag that Nick might really need someone to come and get him. So he'd decided then and there that he was going to go, collect Nick, and get him to the hospital as soon as possible.

He didn't drive often. Most people in the City didn't, as travelling by public transport was usually faster and more cost effective, but this was a hospital situation, and Jeff wasn't making Nick walk to the train to get there. So he drove over to Nick's in his beloved Honda Civic, and rang the buzzer on the door. He hoped like hell Nick could hear him.

Comments

[artsdesire]

It was awkward, no doubt about that. Nick was glad when a nurse came to take his obs again, which would happen like clockwork every fifteen minutes until his test results came back and they started to fuck about with his infusions to get his system in equilibrium again. But soon enough, he and Jeff were left alone again. They hadn't even slept together yet and then there was a the whole 'real, long term, and dedicated' thing. Nick had just gotten out of a relationship that came on too hot and heavy way too quickly that he had no interest in repeating any of that. "You hardly know me," he had to emphasise here. All Jeff really knew so far were skin-deep things, which is why Nick was uncomfortable with this. To go from barely scratching the surface to 'I'm looking for long term dedicated realness and that's it', he was a bit overwhelmed.

He just shook his head. "I'm sorry, I don't agree that anything can be real and special after three meetings. Anything real and special takes longer to evolve and be cherished than that. It's the time and dedication that makes it real and special, not saying 'I want real and special with you, and that's what it's going to be because I said so'." He was tired and not feeling well. He could feel this was upsetting him more because of that. Had this just been a usual conversation with him feeling perfectly fine, he probably would have navigated it better. Still, his feelings would have been the same either way. "What have I done or said to make you think I would disrespect you by just hooking up and never speaking to you again? If I was hooking up, there would be a clear line drawn in the sand and everyone would be on the same page. We haven't even slept together, I don't know what made you think this was just a hook-up."

[lastfirstkiss]

If ever in his life Jeff had wanted a redo on something, this might have been it... and that was considering he'd done some really stupid shit in the past, too. He felt like an utter moron right now, because he'd clearly gotten his point lost somewhere in the shuffle of it all. "I know that I hardly know you," Jeff countered, because he wasn't a complete idiot, contrary to the fail he was presenting right now. "And I definitely don't think that we've established a lifelong romantic relationship right now. Trust me, I do know that. What I'm getting at is that I like you a lot so far... what I know of you... and what would be cool is if we continued to hit it off. I didn't mean to jump right in and put it out there that I had expectations like that. I'm not putting that on you as an expectation. I just mean that I like relationships. Not that they need to be rushed, but I like the steps. I like the getting to know each other part, and taking our time. A relationship doesn't have to happen right fucking now. In fact, if it did, I don't think it would work. Despite how all that sounded, I'm not trying to jump into anything or push anything. I know getting to know a person takes a lot of time, and nothing real and special comes without that."

"I didn't think you would do that," Jeff said, wondering why the fuck life didn't have a rewind button. "I kind of said that more as an extreme example. I don't think this is just a hook-up. And I'm glad about that. I don't want it to be. Fuck... can we just rewind and pretend I never said any of that and let me try answering your original question again?" Jeff asked, trying to smile, but feeling really awkward and wondering if he'd just screwed up his chances with a guy who he was really attracted to, and who he was enjoying getting to know. He took a deep breath and started over. "What I meant to say was this. What I want to happen is that we get to know each other better, continue what we're doing now, which is dating and taking those getting to know you steps, and see if there's a possibility that it will go further for us in the future. I felt a spark when I first met you, which I realize was mostly physical attraction. I don't believe in love at first sight. But I was that much more attracted to you because you were so kind to me when I was really scared, and you didn't have to be. You could've told me where Euan's office was and went on about your business, but you talked to me and kept me company. What I mean is, we're in the early days, and I don't know what might come next. But what I want out of this is just the chance to find out. I didn't mean that we need to be ready to be together forever right now the third time we've been in the same place."

[artsdesire]

Nick found himself still giving Jeff an uncertain side-eyed look of wariness. He couldn't deny he had just experienced a whole big wave of, 'WHOA, HOLD UP'. He did want a relationship, but he wanted it to progress organically where he could enjoy it along the way and not think too far into the future. As soon as Jeff had said these things, he was immediately thinking they were on way, way different pages and he was the sort to pull the plug on things if he thought they were going to work. He had gotten a completely different feel from Jeff before that specific comment, so he was understandably confused and taken aback by the flip. If that was what Jeff had been looking for, Nick would have just stepped back so he could go on his merry way to find whatever it was he was looking for with someone who wanted the same sort of thing. Nick just wasn't the sort to consider serious or committed the third time he had conversed with someone in person. The things he wanted out of a relationship were deeper, more spiritual in a sense, and as such, he felt they took longer to cultivate. Especially after the dropkick he had told to go fuck himself when he was overseas.

"Well, just cool the extreme examples, alright? Then we'll have a deal. I'm not a fan of extreme anything, and throwing stuff around like that is... awkward. I don't want things to be awkward. At least, no more than getting ill like this and putting you in this position so soon into whatever we have going here anyway. I'm only looking for something to compliment my life, not to change it or have it forced into some ideals that might not happen in that way or on that time limit. That's just not me. It never has been me. So, I'm honestly not really sure what it was inside you that had you responding to my question like that, but truly, if that's what you want, then it might be a sake of us not being on the same page," Nick had to point out, because what Jeff said came from somewhere. Now that it was out there, he was doing some serious back-pedalling and even if he wanted to rewind and take it back, Nick felt like it should be addressed on some level. "What made you say it in that way...? That's all I want to know. Neither of us deserve forcing something if we want completely different things."

[lastfirstkiss]

Even as they were talking things out, Jeff was realizing that he really hadn't needed to go quite so hard with the expectation level there. Nick hadn't asked him what he wanted to happen years down the road. He'd asked him what he wanted to happen, but he hadn't been asking about ten years into the future. What Jeff wanted was to get to know Nick better, because if there was a chance that it could be something special, Jeff didn't want to miss out on that. It wasn't that he'd made an assumption that it was going to become something big and serious in the future. It was just that, if it did work out that way, it would make him really happy. There had been a spark, one way or another, and Jeff wouldn't deny that. He seriously wanted to see where this could all go.

"Okay," Jeff said, with a small nod of understanding. "I didn't really mean to go that far with what I was saying. And things weren't awkward with us when we first started chatting and spending time together. I liked that. And maybe I should've thought of that a little better before I shot off at the mouth with crazy, over the top stuff. I don't have us on a time limit in my head. I'm not thinking that if we haven't moved in together or something by a certain date, we shouldn't keep seeing each other and spending time together. I guess what I was getting at was just that I like you. I like spending time with you, and I hope that it can continue, and maybe down the road as we go, grow and develop along the way." He thought about that for a moment, and finally spoke, trying to answer Nick's question. "I think... Well, what I was trying to say is that I do want to see what might happen if we spent more time together. If we got to know each other better and it turned into something more along those lines, it would be really cool. But I didn't mean it like I was already putting you on a timeline for it. Like I said, sometimes I sort of have normal ideas that come out of my mouth as these out there extremes... I do want a relationship someday, but that isn't to say that it needs to be happening now. It's just that I'd be happy if our getting to know each other led to us realizing that we really do enjoy each other's company and want to keep things going. That's what I meant. Without the OTT stretch there."

[artsdesire]

Nick was still nauseated and a little woozy, but it most definitely helped to be lying down and off his feet. He knew he was getting right treatment, that had started with the paramedics but there had been no magic button that had been hit to switch off the awful feeling to get him bouncing back to perfect health. It just didn't work like that. A diabetic episode taxed a system, and like any illness, it took some time for him to recover from in. All of that was why he really wouldn't have been capable of any deep and meaningful relationship conversation, even if he was more a lover of fast-tracking everything like some people could be. What he had meant with his question was just wondering what Jeff anticipated as happening next with this. Usually if you went on a date with someone, a conversation happened about what came next... that really was all Nick had been asking. He hadn't meant for an intense conversation to ensue. If he was honest with himself, all he wanted was a bit of a distraction from feeling so shitty. He should've asked about the weather.

He put his hand on his stomach, trying to nurse it through the discomfort. He might need to take Riley up on that offer for another option for the nausea if the first didn't work. It seemed to try to work, but now he was feeling sick again. "Things probably weren't awkward because no one was analysing projected relationships," he pointed out wryly. "We don't know each other's relationship history, we don't know basically an extensive portion of who we are. I'm not ready to do anymore than just take our times getting to know each other before we think about what is supposed to happen by way of more progressed things. You know, the only way people build a bridge is to start one side and build on getting to the other. Anyone tries to cross that bitch too soon, what happens? They'll fall over the edge and get a rude shock. Relationships are different to that concept at all. I don't know if that's how you've gone about relationships in the past, but I'm more partial to enjoying the ride and waiting for the bridge to be built sturdy and effectively."

[lastfirstkiss]

Despite having had the shit scared out of him, Jeff was glad that he knew about Nick's health problems. If he were ever to get sick and not be able to tell Jeff what was going on, at least Jeff would have some idea and be able to tell paramedics if they weren't lucky enough to get ones like Carmen an Andy, who already knew Nick and had known what to do right off. In other circumstances, they might not be so lucky, and Jeff couldn't bear the thought of something bad happening to Nick. If Jeff had stopped and thought for a minute, maybe he would've been able to figure out what Nick had meant by his question, but he'd managed to fuck that up totally. He could only hope that there was a shot in hell of recovering from the fail, but Nick wasn't giving him the GTFO yet, which was a start as far as Jeff was concerned. It meant that they were still here, still talking. And that was a start.

"That probably did help quite a bit," Jeff replied sheepishly. "You're right, though. I don't want to rush things. I like the pace we had going. I think I sort of answered that question that you probably meant for now in the way I'd probably really be supposed to answer it much further down the road, provided things work out that way. I'm enjoying getting to know you. That's the short term answer. I want that to keep happening. I'd like to keep dating, get to know each other more, and better. No. The only other real relationship I've had came about pretty organically. I know it's not a thing where we wake up in the morning, and confess our undying love and never ever separate or whatever. But I'm liking where we are with things." He had to laugh a little, because Nick had quite a way with words. "Let's not go running over bridges, then. I'd just like the opportunity to build as we go and see what might be on the other side."