dreamlikenewyork | "But please deliver us from hangovers too hardcore."

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"But please deliver us from hangovers too hardcore."

Who: Kyan and Trey Wilson
What: Twinly Confrontration
Where: Campbell Page & Waterston, NYC
When: After this and this

It took Kyan six attempts to get dressed and leave the house. He felt like absolute hell and was pretty sure he hadn't had a hangover this bad since the first time he and Reecy slept together in Colorado. At least then he knew why he had hit the booze. This time, he had no recollection of being with Trey at all so he knew it had to have been some hard shit he was drinking. If shit had gone really bad with Autumn, it would have made sense. The fact Reecy said Trey was in a vile mood meant the drinking was unlikely because of anything to do with Kyan and something pretty intense for Trey.

Despite Reecy's insistence he stay at home and sleep it off (even if she knew it was unlikely), he couldn't rest without giving his brother a good bitching out and demanding to know what the hell was going on. Trey was in a meeting when Kyan arrived at his work probably looking like shit in his worn jeans, DC comics t-shirt, extensively loved Converse and dark sunglasses. Thankfully, Trey's secretary knew him well so had no issues letting him sit in Trey's office and wait. She even pulled the blinds for him so the morning sun didn't laser a hole in his very hungover brain.

He made the mistake of leaning over to rest his arm on the front of Trey's desk and planned to just reat his face into the crook of it while he waited... and promptly fell asleep, completely with snoring, which he only ever did when he was congested or hungover.

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Trey made a few more notes of what Mark was saying and then ended the call telling Mark to let him know when he could visit Justin to touch base with him. With his promotion, he got this new office which he loved. The view from this side of the building was so conducive to mulling over deep thoughts trying to work out the intricacies of cases. He knew Mark spent a lot of time looking out his window, now he understood why. He sat down in his leather desk chair and looked at the state Kyan was in and brought his trash can around to put beside him just in case. "I'm sorry. You were kind of the next best thing to getting totalled myself. I'll order coffee." He paged through to his secretary and asked her to order a triple shot Americano for Kyan and a long macchiato with a hazelnut shot for himself. One additional perk he lucked out on in this job was there was an incredible coffee shop on the ground floor of the building.

"Yeah, about that..." Kyan took some deep breaths, in through his nose and out through his mouth to try to quell the nausea. Trey's secretary had given him a bottle of water because he looked like death warmed-up. He grabbed the bottle to take some sips. Coffee was probably a good next stop. He cleared his throat and waited for Trey to sit down again because following him moving around was making his head spin. "Do I get a clue on the why? Otherwise, I'm just going to have to assume you were punishing me for something. You know booze hits me like a ton of bricks, so what gives? Has something happened with work?"

Trey hunted around in the bottom drawer of his desk and found some TUMS for Kyan. "I wasn't punishing you. You were just a good distraction after the first couple. I didn't actually ply you with booze or anything. You're a two-pot screamer. After the first couple, you happily moved onto shots and told me all the ways you wanted to do them off Reecy's body. I thought shit might've gone to ass with Autumn. That bitch better hope she's got a good explanation for how much she hurt your because if I'm ever in the same room as her, I'm going to rip her to shreds." Verbally, of course. He had plenty of things he wanted to say to his brother's ex. But he was also emphatically avoiding talking about himself here. He rested his tongue between his lips and checked to see if any urgent email was in his inbox, avoiding Kyan's gaze.

Kyan held up his hand, needing some time to process what Trey was saying so he could figure out what he was missing between the lines. "I happily moved onto shots. Me, shots, and happily do not co-exist rationally in a sentence. So, try again. You bought the shots and convinced me to have at least a couple and on top of the couple of drinks I already had, I was a lost cause. Fine, I'll wear my lightweightness." Even though he was still feeling rough and so totally wished he had the same alcohol tolerance as Clint. "That aside, Reecy said something was wrong with you. That were being a rude cunt to her. You've never been rude to her, not even on your worst days. And I wasn't drinking when I met Autumn, so I know it went fine and because I'm extremely happily married now, I had no reason to need to drink because of it. What's happened? And don't bullshit me. And just give me an 'in case' heads-up where the closest bathroom is to your new office. Just in case..."

Trey nodded over to the door in the corner of his office. "Moving up in the world. I get my own. Handy for when I get in over my head legally and get explosive diarrhoea from nerves before I need to walk into a courtroom and kick ass." Even hungover, Kyan was nailing him with the twin staredown, the one where it would forever feel like he was reading Trey's mind. More often than not, he could deduce most things. Something like this, though, it wouldn't even cross Kyan's mind. If Trey wasn't allergic to alcohol, he would've been the one who got trashed all on his own. He closed his eyes with a sigh, sinking back in his chair. He wouldn't get away with bullshitting Kyan for too long. "I had a one-night stand."

A couple of years back, Kyan would have seen this coming. Now, who Trey was today, he didn't see it coming. It took his breath away, which caught in his throat in a little shocked cough. He didn't think he heard right. His head was pounding and every throb pulsed behind his eyeballs. "N-No, wait--" He didn't even know what to say to that. He sat forward, elbows on the edge of the desk and wrapped his hands around his face, looking at Trey through his fingers, speechless. "Y-You can't even blame booze... you can't drink... why the fuck would you do that to Brendan?! Please tell me you were high. You had coke or E or... something. Tell me you didn't do this willingly."

"With the job I've just been given, where my boss' kid has just been on Ice because his mother used him as pedophile fodder and then tried to kill him herself, you think I would be stupid enough to use, for fuck's sake? I'm not saying I'm not stupid. Case in point. But it wasn't drugs. There was some booze - on his part - but I was sober and reciprocal." Trey shook his head, turning away because he was too ashamed to meet Kyan's gaze full-on. He put his fist up to his mouth and skimmed over the latest emails in his inbox but he wasn't taking in what was on the screen. "I don't know what the fuck I was thinking. I was caught up in some heavy stuff and something just happened. I let it. I can't even figure out how I should feel about it beyond like a complete fuckstick for doing it this to Bren."

Putting it like that, Trey had a point and Kyan had to reluctantly shake his head. Trey respected Mark way, way too much to use under his nose and he knew he respected Justin on a whole other level most wouldn't have access to now he had signed the contract to protect Justin's legal affairs. At least the ones Mark needed to maintain a distance from so Justin had some agency over his life. "What heave stuff? Who was it? Are you going to try to play the avoidance tactics, dude? With me? I'm hungover, not brain dead. How the hell could you do that to Brendan? You said he was the best thing to ever happen to you. Commitment was never your thing, but you committed to him. I thought you were seriously thinking about marriage after Reec and I tied the not. You look at rings, for fuck's sake!" He pressed his hands to his face, suddenly feeling pissed off that this was why Trey got him drunk.

Trey had to admit, even if only to himself, that part of the reason he helped Kyan get on his way to blinded was because his twin knew him better than he knew himself and it wouldn't have taken him long to hone in on exactly what was wrong with Trey. At that point, Trey was still in denial, trying to convince himself it was a one-off mistake. But all this Kyan was flinging at him was exactly why it was anything but that. He wanted to pace or get an important phone call. He looked at his cell on the desk, almost willing it to ring. "Things have been strained with Bren. It's no excuse and it's not why I did it. But with him travelling back and forth to London for the show his mom has been opening there and me eyeballs-deep in finding my feet with Justin's case and the new partnership, we've been arguing and getting on each other's nerves. I can't believe I did this. If he did it to me, I'd be furious. I can't lie to him but if I tell him, I think he'll end it. I'm such a fucking cunt. The worst part is, I can't get the other guy out of my head..."

"Who," Kyan prompted because no matter how much his mind was trying to go into overdrive figuring that out, he was starting to feel nauseous again and he wanted to avoid more puking. "Trey, you're playing with fucking fire. I care about Brendan like he's a brother and even if you're my twin, I won't let you hurt him anymore than the minimum needed to be honest with him about that. Who was it and why did you do it? You haven't fucked around from stress in ages. Not since you met Brendan and told me he changed the goal posts for you. Why was this other dude important enough to risk everything with Brendan? I can't get why you would do this. Has something happened? Something serious you haven't told me?"

"It was Arian," Trey mumbled and pulled his fingers through his hair, shaking his head. Saying it out loud in the cold light of day made the blow feel even harder. "And I know what you're going to think. The awkwardness for Justin, the complications. But we promised each other after it was over it wouldn't affect how we worked together. I'm not... fuck, I don't want to make excuses but sitting down to get on the same page about Justin's collective needs, it was some seriously fucking heavy shit. Mark warned me I could go in blindsided until there was time enough for the full picture to come to me organically. It had to be a step-by-step process and Ari filled me in on the extent of Justin's complex condition. I thought I could handle it and I can. But in that moment, I didn't deal well. How the fuck was I supposed to just be okay with representing a kid who was abused by pedophiles for years? Whose mother tried to murder him and mentally gaslighted him? Ari had a few drinks so we could lay all the cards on the table that night. It was a distraction when we got to the worst of it."

Hearing the name, Kyan closed his eyes with a disbelieving shake of his head. It couldn't be more of a mess if they tried. "If it happened because emotions were messed up I don't think promising each other it won't get weird is going to work. Pretending it didn't happen won't work either. You both cheated on your partners. Are you sure this won't affect your obligations to Justin? Why didn't you just come to talk to me about processing everything with your new job? I know I was away in Vermont briefly but we could've Skyped. I'm not trying to minimise the fact you've got a fuck load to process with your new jobs but this has a domino effect, man. Jesus..." He sighed and reached for the Pepto, taking a swig from the bottle. "Do either of you have any intentions of telling Brendan and Trent? Trey, are you telling me you have feelings for Ari?"

Trey stood up from his desk. "Come lie on the sofa, Ky. You look like shit," he murmured and headed over to the sofa. He flopped down on one end of it, draping his arm over the back of it. At least here, they had the view from the window and it didn't feel like Kyan was a client interrogating him. "I'm not pretending it didn't happen. I can't get it out of my fucking head. I'm shitting myself that Mark will be pissed I mixed business with pleasure and demote me. I literally cannot avoid Ari because he's with Justin whenever I see him because he helps Justin stay regulated when we have to talk about the hard shit. And I don't want to avoid him, because yeah... maybe? Maybe there's feelings. I just don't know if it's misguided guilt. I've barely slept since it happened. I guess it's easy to bury my head in the sand because Bren's in London."

Kyan didn't have to be asked twice. He took the water with him, lying on his back on the sofa with his feet in Trey's lap. "Yeah, well, Mark is probably the one person who gets using sex as stress relief. I think the only thing that'll piss him off is if this affects the way you and Ari work with Justin. You better sort your shit out before that happens. Have you met with Justin since he was hospitalised? He's okay but he'll probably figure out if something's off with you. I know he'll definitely figure out if something's off with Ari, considering how well he knows him. What you're telling me is it was more than just sex if feelings were involved. What's Ari's take on it? Jesus, Trey. Brendan's my boss' nephew. He's going to be Mark's nephew by law when Sam and Lisa get married."

Trey squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his fingers into the corners of them. Kyan wasn't reminding him of anything he wasn't already aware of. Sam and Lisa would be married in literally days, making Brendan related to the Campbells by marriage. Sam and Lisa would be adopting a little boy who was disabled and had a lot of medical issues, who would be Brendan's little brother. Trey knew Brendan was coming home for the wedding but he didn't even know how Brendan felt about Codie coming into the family. Things had been that strained between them. "I talked to Ari about Mom. The subject of moms came up because I was trying to process everything about Justin so I can represent him the best way we could. Ari told me his own mom was more like a sister to him, she was never really committed to parenting. Then he asked me about ours and I got really fucking upset. Hated myself for it. We just connected. I don't know what to do, Ky."

"Ari's a social worker. That could have something to do with it. Granted, I'm going to wager a bet he doesn't sleep with any of his clients. At least, let's hope not, considering Justin is his only client. What the fuck am I saying? The vodka has burned my brains out, hasn't it? I'm officially brainless. Or I'm channelling too much twin-sense and you're making me lose my mind. I feel like I need more booze to figure this out. See? You've broken me." Kyan put his hands over his face and took some deep breaths, trying to stop himself from panicking about how much Trey had fucked things up for himself. "You have to talk to Ari and you have to tell Brendan. He has to tell Trent. You can't put any of this off, it's not fair. At least figure out where you're at with Ari sooner rather than later or things are going to be weird between you and that'll affect your work with Justin."

"Yeah, no. Ari's ethics and morals are watertight or he'd never have gotten the job with Justin. But he does know the full story, the one only those immediately around Justin on a daily basis and social worker or not, it's fucked with his head too. I guess that's where we converged. We both got upset. I hardly knew Ari before this but he needed an outlet. It's not like there's any precedent for this stuff. No one handed either of us an instruction manual on how to work through this with Justin. I thought I was prepared but when I met with Ari, I was hit with the reality of it. Coupled with all the feelings about Mom dredged up, I just... I don't fucking know, Ky! It happened, alright? I can't take it back," Trey mumbled. If he didn't have Kyan's feet in his lap, he probably would've gotten up to pace. He had always been a pacer when he was trying to think shit through.

Kyan felt his frustration filter away in the face of something more powerful. He took a deep breath and let it out heavily. "Yeah, you're right about that. I don't think any normal human being is supposed to know how to deal with something like this. You and Ari are being paid pretty damn big bucks for the expertise to figure it out, though. This promotion is everything you've been working for, Trey. You're letting sex get in the way? Of your promotion and your relationship with Brendan? I just don't get it but I'm not minimising that the things you need to deal with now are serious and intense. Mark wouldn't have offered you this job if he didn't think you could handle it. Are you saying things with Brendan are over? Because if you are, you better actually end it before he finds out the hard way. Even if you're not, you have to tell him and be prepared for the fact he might end it anyway."

"I'm saying that..." Trey paused, trying to sort through what he was thinking and what he needed to say. What he knew was that he didn't need to say anything at all to his twin. Kyan wouldn't judge him for it. He wasn't judging him now. He was just trying to help navigate him to do the right thing, which had always been one of Kyan's most beautiful traits. He got that off their mom. "I think Brendan wants to move back to London. That's not why this happened. He's been spending a lot of time with the people he grew up with and I think he misses them. I think if I was in his shoes, I'd want to move back. Knowing all this has just compounded everything, I think. Being with Ari, I felt this thrill. That whole live in the moment spontaneous sex thing. Bren and I don't have that anymore. It's like we've got to book an appointment. I think that's going to get worse now I'm a partner and overseeing Justin's affairs. When I accepted the job, I really just thought I'd be like a... an attorney beard? On paper, I'd be Justin's attorney for his professional affairs but in reality, Mark will still be the heart of the operation. But he has given me so much trust and respect, Ky. I'm not a beard at all, he is literally trusting me one of two most precious things to him in the world. He trusts me to care for Justin. I've found that's an overwhelmingly powerful thing. This is everything Mom believed I'd be one day and it's happening. This is the closest I've felt to her in a long time."

Even if it was awkward, Kyan wriggled back into a sitting position so he could sit beside Trey. He patted his shoulder, staying quiet for a little while and letting the silence reign. Sometimes, you needed silence to have space for thoughts. "Why didn't you talk to me about this stuff? Even if the relationship has hit roadblocks and might not get through it, it still has to hurt thinking about him moving home. You guys were really great together when it was working. You were there for me through the whole shit with Autumn. Did you not want to talk to me about it?" He rested his head on the back of the sofa. "An attorney beard? No. Mark wouldn't insult you like that, bro. He gave you this because he knows you're capable and will give this job your all. He knows he can trust you with Justin's deepest secrets, most of which will never be known in the public. Mark has been building a team to care for all of Justin's needs so Justin can have some autonomy over his life as a young adult. He knows there is a lot he'll never manage alone because of his disability but he doesn't need to be coddled either. But I know you've never quite fully accepted Mom's death. You threw yourself into other things rather than grieving. Which sounds like what you might be doing here."

"I don't know. I guess I just thought it'd get better when he got home. Plus, I've been so busy coming into the partnership and spending time with Mark to adjust. He wanted to make sure I transitioned smoothly and I've been shadowing him a lot when he's been here. It's not that I didn't want to talk to you about it, Ky. Hell, if I realised before I slept with Ari, I would have. It was only doing that when I woke up to myself to what was happening. Or not happening. And I really don't want to use it as an excuse but Ari and I were sitting down with Justin's files and... there's things I've had to know and learn about him and his past that not even some of the people closest to him know. Because it's sickening and harrowing. He's had more suicide attempts than anyone realises. The way he was bullied back in Chicago. All that shit that went down with the cunt who had the role in the first intake of Footloose cast. It was heavy and I was stressed. Ari was stressed. Sex is sex. Fuck." Trey hadn't felt like he needed alcohol this much in a long time. Fuck being allergic to alcohol. Fuck it in the ass. "But I know I'm going to do a good job with Justin. I feel like it's something that'll really give meaning to my job and I'll learn a lot. I know cheating is horrible and I feel horrible but I can't shake this feeling inside for Ari. I don't even really know what it is."

"I know. I do. They think he was attempting suicide or at least self-harming as young as nine or ten. You have to compartmentalise that stuff though, T. Start figuring out ways to do that. Because Justin's case is heavy and you can't debrief with random sex everytime it gets hard. It's going to get hard a lot. It's going to be just like his illness, many ups and downs, most without warning. The thing is, though, if you have feelings for Ari, that's going to change everything. You'll really need to sort it out before you move forward. So, use me as a sounding board. Just quietly. Tell me how you're feeling. What do you think it might be with Ari?" Kyan asked, trying to pre-empt everything in his brain and anticipate how things might look if Trey broke up with Brendan and started dating Ari, but it just made his head ache even more.

"Or maybe I'm just better single if I want to focus on my career..." Trey was thinking out loud but if there was anyone he should be able to voice his inner-most thoughts with, it was his twin brother. "Do you think sometimes relationships just wear out? It doesn't really go bad and nothing really changes, but it just kind of mutes to what it used to be. I don't expect you to really have the answers, Ky. We've always been different. You're someone who champions monogamy and commitment. It works for you and you found your soul mate. I can't have feelings for Ari. It'll be too fucking messy and it wouldn't be fair to Justin. I'm pretty sure it's okay from his standpoint. Pretty sure he said he and Trent were open or something along those lines. But I just... we really connected. I can't understand it. We talked as much about ourselves as we did about Justin."

Kyan's response was to scrunch his face up, at least contemplating the suggestion Trey was making. "Seriously, though? You'd want to forgo love for casual sex and a career? I'm sure sometimes relationships just wear out, but don't you think you should at least talk to Brendan about it? Sure, he might dump your cheating ass because he might hate cheating. Still, you have to ask why things turned out like this. Look, I know Justin. There's no way in hell he would judge you or Ari if this turned into something. His whole life is messy, he's used to it. He knows people who know people who know people. Our lives are all interconnected. So what? I think you need to talk to both of them. Brendan and Ari. If you want to just focus on your career, fine. But it doesn't sound like you want that."

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"But please deliver us from hangovers too hardcore."

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