"I felt the earth beneath my feet. Sat by the river, and it made me complete."

[ifeelthelove]

Who: Cassidy Cohen and Merlin Larson
What: Heart not the head choices
Where: Blue Mountain Reservation Trail, NY
When: Thursday

Cassidy, with the help of Justin's sassy gay Yoda advice, decided to take a massive leap of faith and agree to a date with Merlin. Although her head really did want to keep feeding her negative stuff right now, there was a tiny handful of things she couldn't deny. One, Merlin was sweet and they talked really easily together. Two, they both did need some fun after a pretty shit few weeks. Three, fresh air was apparently really good for depression. Four, Merlin promised it would be no strings, and just to have some fun. Finally, Cassidy had to take the rest of the week off on doctor's advice. She had an early morning therapy appointment, where she plucked up the courage to broach the issue Justin had tried to call her out on. It was likely a few different issues compounding, so she would go back for another session the following afternoon prior to the weekend. They wanted to prevent an admission to Four Winds this time. She was packed away with a sick note for two days and a recommendation to do one thing that day to make her smile.

So, she said yes. She had no idea what she was going into, and had just assumed it was a trip to the movies, and that would be it. Instead, Merlin went above and beyond, and they ended up upstate at Blue Mountain Reservation Trail with a picnic lunch to go for a leisurely hike to get some fresh air. She had barely mentioned it in the text when she accepted the offer of a date, and he ran with it. She discovered he owned a car. Nothing fancy, just a little thing not unlike a bubble, and he explained to her on the drive up that he was a Southern boy at heart and he needed a way to get out of the city to breathe sometimes, even if it was just getting out of Manhattan every now and then to hear himself think. He had needed that more than he ever anticipated, discovering he was adopted and his childhood was a messy string of lies and deceit, even if it was intermingled with love from his adoptive family.

Driving up to the location, Cassidy had already felt some of the tension she had been feeling melting away. Merlin seemed to just enjoy company and chatting, and it was easy to respond to. Justin's voice was filtering somewhere through her mind, telling her to just chill out and not overthink it. The therapy session at helped too. She was still going through a rough patch, but she at least woke up a little more optimistic that day, and managed to get out of bed. Which was a success.

They had found a nice little spot near a stream and Merlin spread a rug out for them to sit on together. She had no idea what he had packed, but he had told her to leave it all to him and he would take care of it. "This is really nice, you know. Thank you. I think this is exactly what I needed today. I wasn't going to say yes. Nothing at all to do with you. All my head stuff, and not wanting to get hurt again, I guess. Doubting I was cut out for normal stuff..." she confessed quietly, watching the water trickling down the stream. "Not really thinking I had a right to want it, because of what I am."

Comments

[magicmoments]

Merlin talked a whole lot when he was nervous. Even on a general day, he enjoyed talking to people, but he definitely had a tendency to be a nervous chatter. It was the ADHD coming out in him, he had anxiety sometimes, even if he was medicated. One thing he couldn't deny: he was beginning to feel better after the shit heap he had to trawl through recently. Starting to talk it all through once he got through the shock of it was definitely the best medicine. He didn't know why - or how- he managed to get the balls to ask Cassidy on a date, but it was completely innocent. They seemed to click and talked so easily. They also both needed cheering up, so why not do some of that together?

He really thought she had been giving him the brush off. He hadn't been taking it personally. She indicated, albeit vaguely, that she was going through something tough so he wouldn't immediately jump on the victim train and assume it was solely because she wanted nothing to do with him. Plus, he was so inexperienced, it wasn't funny. He probably just fucked up the delivery of the question and he had to wear that. Then she left him a private message on Facebook and said she would love to. The movies had been the initial plan, but that didn't seem fun enough. They would have to sit in a dark theatre, unable to see each other, and not be able to talk. So, what better than the polar opposite. He opened the picnic basket and unloaded a couple of things before he bashfully pulled out a single red rose to hand to her. "What you are is a beautiful and sweet girl who I want to get to know better. If you have to doubt, that's okay. But I promise, I'm not here to hurt you. Like I said, no strings. Just good company and chilling out. And, um, I didn't know what you like, so I packed basically everything. Then Jace suggested stuff for taco salad, which sounded totally cool. He's got an epic marriage, so he must know a bit about dates."

[ifeelthelove]

There was something cute and innocent about Merlin, and even thought Cassidy tried to figure out if it was any one thing, she could see it wasn't. This was just his personality. He had told her he had ADHD and she had seen some slight hints of it that morning. He had a slight restlessness to him, not all that unlike Justin in the early stages of a manic episode. Merlin was a bit like the Energizer Bunny, but it wasn't annoying. Not even close. She was so glad to see he was feeling better to how upset he had been the other night when they stayed up talking about the stuff he was going through. She learned a little about him, but she wanted to know more and more.

And then he was giving her a rose. Completely out of the blue, and like it was the most natural thing in the world. Right when she had been totally smitten with the way he was explaining what he had packed for their picnic. She forgot how to word for a few moments and even hesitated in taking the rose because she was shocked. There was a fluttery feeling in her stomach, like a flock of butterflies had just been set free in there. It took her breath away and she was just gazing at him, almost like she wasn't quite sure he was real because it didn't feel forced. It wasn't just a regular date, either. He had put thought into going above and beyond, and knew she was flip-flopping like a fish out of water, waiting for the axe to drop. Justin was right, her brain was going to try to sabotage good things at all turns right now. She took the rose and smelled it, smiling. "This is so beautiful, thank you. You didn't have to go to all this trouble. Especially on your day off. This is... wow." She shook her head with a laugh, feeling her cheeks warm up.

[magicmoments]

"This isn't trouble, it was fun," Merlin reassured her with a smile. He was a traditional guy at heart. He didn't have much of a love life history, but he always knew whenever he did, he wanted to do romantic things and make awesome memories to hold onto. Not that he was jumping forward and making any assumptions. That wasn't why he asked Cassidy on a date. Plain and simple, it was because they seemed to have connected and because he was so new to town, he knew it was important to at least enjoy the experiences of a new life for what they were. That had been the ultimate plan. It just all got cockblocked with this bad news he had to deal with. A date didn't have to mean anyone was fantasising about marriage and long-term relationships. They could simply be because you enjoyed someone's company, and you wanted to spend more time with them. That's all this was.

He laid everything out on the blanket and fished around inside to make sure it was all unpacked. "It's so peaceful here. That was one of the hardest parts about trying to go through the shit. I think I was homesick on top of it all, but didn't feel like I could go back home anymore without having to deal with it all again. The city life is overwhelming. The noise and all the concrete and chaos. I love the opportunity, but it was suffocating. I didn't even realise there were places like this in easy driving distance. It doesn't feel as restrictive now. Have you ever been here?" he asked, grabbing a corn chip and popping it in his mouth.

[ifeelthelove]

"I'm trying to figure out if this means you can cook, because if it does, you're one hell of a Knight in Shining Armour," Cassidy joked, smiling at him. It was time to try to nudge her inner-demons to STFU for a little while while she took this for what it was. She knew it was no strings, and she knew it was because they did both need a pick-me-up and some lighthearted fun. She hadn't elaborated to Merlin on what was making her week (month, year?) feel like shit, but he hadn't interrogated her either. He had just been so grateful that she could be a great listener for him when his world was falling apart at the seams. And she loved it too. That was what totally lacked with Owen. He seemed disinterested in sweet conversations and spending time together. Despite what he had been saying, it never translated. Not to mention fucking disastrous and ground to literally a complete halt when she wanted to talk about sex. It felt like he didn't quite know what to do with the situation, and she got tired of trying to see something there that wasn't. Sometimes, you had to take a big fat hint when it was staring you in the face. That didn't mean she stopped wanting those sorts of things with someone. It just felt like she would never get it because of what she was.

She could see he was relaxed, and it was sweet. So different to how emotionally coiled up he was the other night. All he probably needed was some independent people to offload to who listened. "I don't think your family stop loving you or start seeing you in any other way just because you now know the truth. You have to remember, they knew the truth all along. At least, your parents did. I think you just need time to heal and accept now. You've been going through the grief process without even knowing it." She looked around and shook her head. "No, not this one. But I've always loved this sort of thing. Our family went camping loads when I was little. Probably inevitable with three boys in the mix who love outdoorsy stuff."

[magicmoments]

Merlin nodded with a grin. "I love cooking. Both my grandma and mom taught me how. I can't say I ever had dreams of becoming a gourmet chef, and my speciality is probably good ol' fashioned soul food, but I can definitely cook. I wasn't sure if taco salad would be good picnic food, but all the bits could be put in containers and we can build it here. I even brought salsa in case you were a vegetarian and didn't want the meat." He took the lid off one of the containers and showed her the chunk salsa. He was definitely a meat-lover, but he didn't want to assume she was. "Do you like cooking? We could bake cookies together some times. My grandma has a recipe for the most awesome triple chocolate cookies. They have these big chunks of milk, white and dark chocolate through them. They taste awesome with a latte."

He handed her a plate and a plastic knife and fork wrapped up in a napkin. "I know, and it's been totally weird having my brain sort of crap out on me over all this. I never even had a hint I could have been adopted. But then, I guess I was thinking stereotypically. Like, in all the movies and TV shows, there's these gaping signs that an adopted person sees with a big reveal twist or something. I don't know. I can see now that means the fact I was adopted didn't matter. They still raised me just as if Mom had given birth to me. And looking back, I can see Jesse's mom was always distant. Not that I had a lot to do with her. Church stuff, and all that. I'm not really religious now, though. I stopped going to church when I was about fifteen because I preferred to sleep in on a Sunday. My folks never pushed it on me. I don't get anything out of faith. I don't even really believe it. It should be a personal thing, you know?" He raised his eyebrows, smiling. "Maybe we could go camping sometime? Damien and I would go all the time when we were young, before he moved here."

[ifeelthelove]

Cassidy was mostly just sitting there looking at him in awe. He didn't seem real. He was polite, kind, sweet, friendly, funny. Even through the challenges he was facing. He was also a gentleman. He had been opening doors for her, pulling out chairs for her. Now, preempting what she may or may not like to eat, and coming along with a backup plan just in case. But most of all, he seemed to enjoy talking to her and spending time with her. He would strike up their text conversations, and she wasn't left hanging in the middle with no resolution. The best thing, though, was that he noticed the little things in life. The things that made life beautiful, and for her, that had always been a huge thing. When all else failed, the most beautiful things were seen in life's little offerings. "I love baking, but general cooking? Well, let's just say I need more practice. We definitely need to have a cookie-baking date. Like, you've set the precedent now, I'm totally going to hold you to it. I do eat meat, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to try that salsa. It looks yum."

She started to help herself to a bit from each container. She made sure nothing was touching and it all had its own little place on the plate. She listened as she shuffled everything around the plate with her fork. "It's hard to break free from any stereotype. They're age-old mindset locked together like a stuck vice. Trust me, I know how it feels. And you've got to be feeling angry and betrayed. That's inevitable. But it also means literally everything has changed for you now, and that's really hard to deal with. You shouldn't feel guilty for experiencing it." She nodded, smiling. "We all went camping as a group a little while back. It was great fun. Us girls are definitely outranked by the boys, though. Fart jokes and dick banter abound."

[magicmoments]

Merlin was a typical guy with a huge appetite usually, but the stress he had been under lately throttled his appetite. He took some of the food, but he really just wanted to get to know her more and was enjoying the company. Not to mention the location was beautiful and peaceful. No one else was around and it felt like they could forget the race race for a bit. "So, you love baking, and yes< cookie-making date is totally going to happen. What else do you like to do? Do you like school? College plans? Tell me a little more about you. It doesn't all have to just be good stuff. You can tell me about the hard stuff too. I get it. Friendship isn't just about the highlight reel."

He didn't mean to stare, but he was watching how she made sure nothing was touching. Had she not had taco salad before? It was generally all supposed to be piled on top of each other and eaten a bit like nachos, but he didn't want to tell her what she should or shouldn't be doing. She took so little of everything too. Was she just being polite saying it looked nice? He could feel a nervous anxiety building inside him. He was so inexperienced with this stuff, he was just playing it by ear. Maybe she just wasn't hungry. It wasn't about the food, he had to stop overthinking everything. He was a bit emotionally sensitive and fragile right now. He was just pleased to have her company. "I think that's the biggest part. That it's changed everything, and I don't know how shit is supposed to look going forward. But then I see Jace, who almost literally came back from the dead and survived being hit by a car that should have killed him. His whole life changed, and he's a happy and kind guy. He's so perfect for Jesse, oh my god. Jesse's a different person. So much happier and at peace. I want that, you know? Hey, maybe fart jokes and dick banter are just what the doctor ordered?" he said, giving her a shy smile.