"I will stand up for you no matter what you're going through..."

[fraternalfashionista]

Who? Austin Watson-Shaw and Angel Shaw
What? Brothers need each other
When? Right after the text messages
Where? Mt. Sinai Oncology Unit

The text from Angel had scared the living fuck out of Austin. Tara was a friend of their family, having been Beau's supervisor when he was an intern, but Angel's text had said that he was waiting and he wouldn't leave until he got a chance to talk to Tara. An oncologist. Which had immediately set off warning bells in Austin's head. He had nearly lost his husband to cancer. This was something he didn't fuck with.

He'd run through the hallways of the hospital to the Oncology Ward where he found Angel sitting in one of the waiting room chairs looking like hell. He made his way to his brother immediately, worry written in every line of his face. "AJ?" he said softly, taking a seat next to his brother in another chair. "What's going on? Why are we at the hospital?"

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[angelwithoutwings]

The whole surrogacy thing had left Angel exhausted. He had agreed to it because he knew Rosie wanted it, and he did want Austin to have a child if that was what he and Beau wanted. But it had been extremely stressful for him to have had Rose exposed to that level of pain, and to see how hard the pregnancy had been on her. Now, perhaps, there was a reason why for all that, but it didn't make it any easier. He had been doubting very much whether he could have tried a second go with the IVF and surrogacy attempt, because he had now become so protective of Rose and didn't want to expose her to that all over again. But they just all hadn't had a chance to discuss it in length. It took Rose a little while to get back on her feet after it. Not physically, but emotionally. Now, he was beyond exhausted. He could feel the fatigue burning through his bones, hanging heavily in his head, making his head and eyes hurt. If this was any other time, he would be in bed and dead to the world. It just couldn't happen at the moment. He put the water down on the seat beside him and leaned over so he could nurse his head in his hands.

"It's too quick." He wasn't even sure what he meant by that, but it felt like it was all happening on fast-forward and his brain wasn't working to catch up. He didn't at all doubt that he could take for Daisy on his own, and he would do it unconditionally, but the thing upsetting him the most was that Rosie was the last person who deserved anything like this to be happening to her. She was so beautiful and selfless. She sacrificed things so she could help others. Hell, she had even stopped breastfeeding Daisy way too soon so that she could begin IVF treatments for Beau and Austin. Now what was all that worth? Nothing. She couldn't give them a baby, she couldn't have another baby for them either, and there would be an indefinite period of time that her mommy ability would be restricted. "She's got no time to understand this or adjust to it. It all has to happen now, and it's going to hit her later when she's weak, in pain, and upset again. I'm supposed to be protecting her from this stuff. I'm her husband."

[fraternalfashionista]

Austin didn't know how much more their family could take, but he fucking well wasn't going to ask that out loud for fear it was tempting fate to try and find the answer to the question. This was Rosie. In the midst of everything that had happened in the relatively short time they'd all known each other, Rosie was their rock. She was solid. She held them all together when they were weak. When Beau was so sick with cancer that they thought he wasn't going to make it, when Angel was suffering from his CFS and could barely move from his bed, when Austin had been caring for his husband for so long that he was falling asleep mid-conversation... Rosie was there. She was the one making sure her boys were rested, making them coffee or tea when sleep wasn't an option. She was the one keeping them going when they were 100% sure they couldn't take one more step. And she was the one making sure that they did rest when they could. Rosie was that person for all of them, and Austin was grateful. He hadn't taken her for granted in the sense of not being grateful to have her in their lives, but he'd definitely sort of taken it for granted that she would always be there for them, and this revelation was shaking him down to his soul.

Angel's soft protest that it was too quick wasn't contested by Austin. He could understand that feeling. He'd felt it himself when the shoe was on the other foot. He remembered having this conversation with his brother when Beau's cancer came back, and being so fucking terrified that he was going to lose his husband. It wasn't an easy fear to face. The loss of a spouse was one of the most awful things that Austin could imagine, and finding out that your other half had, or even could have, cancer was never something you could just shrug off. It was always too fast. It always hurt too fucking much, and you couldn't begin to be prepared for it. His hand was firmly resting on his brother's back when he finally spoke. "AJ," he murmured softly. "You can't protect her from this. Trust me, I know how bad you want to. She is the love of your life, and you would cut your own balls off to spare her a moment of pain. You can't. You can't stop this from happening to her, no matter what. But you will be there when it's all said and done. When she's weak, in pain, and upset, and this all comes crashing down on her, you're going to be the one she leans on... You're going to be the one she needs. Remember when you told me that being strong for Beau was all well and good, but I had to let him see how broken I was, too? That applies here, too, Angel. She's your wife. She will rely on you to love her, and let her know that it's okay not to be okay. And I know it's not a task anyone should be facing ever, but you're up to it. Because you do love her, and you would do anything to protect her."

[angelwithoutwings]

There was a little voice at the back of Angel's head telling him that this could be worse. It really could be worse. They might not have found out for weeks, or even months, and been giving a terminal diagnosis when it was all too late. They had time, they had solutions, they had hope. They did the right thing getting Rosie medical attention as soon as they realised none of this was right and she wasn't getting better. In a way, that little voice was helping, but he was still upset and hurting. When he met Rosie, his whole world changed for the better. He had been thinking he had everything he ever wanted, and was content and blessed to have a thriving career doing exactly what he loved. Then when he met her, he realised all along there had been a place inside him just waiting for her. It was like he had loved her before he even met her, and it was why he couldn't look away from her the moment his eyes laid on her. He spoiled her and wined and dined her, but how could he not? He wanted to spend all the time in the world with her, and the sexual chemistry had been sparking. He never looked back, never had a single doubt. Some days, it still felt like a fairy tale that she agreed to marry him, had his baby, and was now his wife.

"She knows," he said quietly. Not because he was ashamed, but because Rose was one of those people who just inherently knew when someone wasn't okay. She had been talking briefly on and off lately about thinking of med school and Angel had encouraged her, told her she would be an amazing doctor if that was what she wanted to do. He would support her all the way. This just seemed like a cruel and awful joke. He wished it was, because then it wouldn't be real. "She always knows when I'm not okay. She knows even before I do. She's worried more about Daisy and me than she is herself, because that's just what she does. She will be worrying about us, and her family, and her friends, all before herself. That's just how Rosie is. She stopped breastfeeding Daisy so she could start the IVF process for the surrogacy because she knew it was what you and Beau wanted. It's just Rosie, and it's why none of this should be happening to her. Anyone but her. Fuck, why isn't it me and not her?"

[fraternalfashionista]

Maybe it could be worse. But the threat of cancer, and the need to give up a very fundamental part of your body to avoid having it kill you were still pretty fucking bad. There was always the possibility of chemo or radiation, and Austin had been through chemo with Beau. It wasn't for the faint of heart. Not that his sister-in-law and brother were that. They were the farthest thing Austin could imagine from faint of heart. But that didn't change the fact that this whole thing was going to hurt them more than he could possibly imagine, no matter how far it went. Whether it was surgery, or surgery followed by chemo, it would still be incredibly hard. No doubt Beau and Austin would help as much as they could, but Beau was still weak, and Austin knew Rose and Angel well enough to know it would be hard for them to ask for the help, too. Not that they didn't all help each other out as much as they could, but this would be having to ask a lot more than they probably wanted to... Even if both of them had helped Austin nurse his husband through leukemia that nearly ended his life. Austin was pretty sure that nothing in the world Angel and Rosie would ask of them would they deny.

"It's why she's such a beautiful person, inside and out," Austin said softly, giving his brother's shoulder a comforting rub... though he knew there was little comfort in any of this. Just pain with more pain and a side of pain. "We'd all be lost without her, AJ. And as sweet and unassuming a person as she is, she still knows that. She'll fight for you and for Daisy... and she'll fight for me and Beau and for her brothers and sisters. She'll know how much we hurt for her, and it'll drive her that much more. Trust me, I know that's no guarantee of anything, but I know how strong Rosie is, and what she's got to fight for. At the end of the day, we're all going to be here, supporting and loving her as much as we possibly can, no matter what. And we'll be here for you, too, AJ." He didn't have an answer to that. He knew without a doubt that he'd be just as brokenhearted right now if it were Angel facing this diagnosis instead of Rosie, so he just shook his head. "I only wish we had the answers to questions like those," he said, shaking his head.

[angelwithoutwings]

"I've never felt like I deserved her. I'm glad she wants me when she could have made so many other potential partners happy. But she was always out of my league. She laughed when I said that. Laughed when I wrote a song about it. She doesn't believe it. She thinks it's the other way around, and she always tried to correct me. It's got nothing to do with money or status. With her, none of that has ever been a thing. She made my world feel like a better place just for coming into it and letting me spend time with her. All my writing and music, it has been about a hundred times better than it ever was before I met her. It's never stopped feeling like I could get enough of her. I start each day thinking about her, and holding her is one of the first things I want to do every day. In a whole stadium of fans, she is the only one who can light up the room for me. I never, in a million fucking years, believed love like that existed. I knew all stereotypes and what needed to be in love songs, but then suddenly all the love songs made sense. Do you think I ever believed she would actually marry me? I didn't. Not for a minute. I hoped, and I wished it. But she has always seemed too good to be true for me. Maybe she was like an angel on timeshare, and I just... just never expected that to actually be a thing," Angel said, getting choked up again as he tried to talk things out here. He was trying to make sense of what was going on in his head. All the things he felt in his heart, but not even his wedding vows had enough capacity to hold it all.

He was coiled up with distress inside. He felt useless, and at a loss. All the money in the world, all the lavish gifts, the bells and whistles of stardom, landing in the celebrity pages or clothing, it couldn't buy Rosie's health. Angel could throw his entire fortune at the best doctors in the world, and it still couldn't stop this. It couldn't stop Rosie's pain, it couldn't stop the sick, cold feeling of dread inside his stomach that there was a chance Daisy might lose her mommy. "I can't do anything to help her. I can't do anything..." Maybe there were small logistical things he would do automatically. He would care for Daisy, he would do the laundry, he would go grocery shopping, he would take over all the things Rosie did as a wife and a mother, but all the things he wanted to be able to to do, he was completely useless for.