Look, Em... you don't have to give a fuck. No one else does. I get it. I destroyed everything, I have to deal with that. Your boyfriend doesn't need me hanging on like some sort of leech that sucks the life out of you.
Well, tough fucking shit. I do give a fuck. You don't get to tell me if I have to give a fuck or not. You're an addict. You're not a fucking kiddie fiddling incestuous rapist because of it. You're still human, and you're not a cunt of one.
Because until you hit me, I loved you. Then I hated you. And then I came to just pity you, and fear for you. And I don't give a fuck either if you don't want my pity. You get to the point you ruin your life like you do, you can't avoid pity.
I am ruined, Em. Every time I've been in love, it's been destroyed. I don't know why it's still worth living anymore. I have no family, I have no friends, no business, no job. Nothing.
Twice. It's been destroyed twice. Some people are lucky to even find it once. You hit me, you didn't kill me. It didn't just flick a switch and stop me caring if you were alive or dead, or if you were okay. I was just terrified if I got near you again, you snap on me again.
That's a big part of the reason, yes. The other part was that I knew once you hit that worse stage of detox, you'd kill yourself this time around if someone didn't try to intervene. And no one else knew that but me, because I'm the only one who saw how close you came last time.
You still might do it. You've got nothing and no one. All those thoughts, they're still there. I don't know how anyone else feels, but I don't have any intention of just letting you kill yourself.
I think all this is a bit beyond that sort of thing, don't you? He knows what you're going through. He's been there. Not just being an addict, but losing a loved one in a horrible way.
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I still have feelings for you, Em. I don't know how to do this friend thing. I'm a really shit friend.
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Maybe we need to deal with that on some level then.
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