Ajay Corbyn Willis (nee Bellerose) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
radioactivesadness) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
dreamlikenewyork2015-03-02 04:53 pm
radioactivesadness) wrote in dreamlikenewyork2015-03-02 04:53 pm
"And the first time, ever I lay with you..."
Who: Ajay Bellerose and Billy Willis
What: "I felt your heart so close to mine."
Where: Oncology Unit, Mount Sinai
When: Simultaneous to THIS
Ajay had spent a lot of time talking to Tara about Billy's condition. It got to the point where he felt like he was losing his grip on anything and was about to lose his shit completely. Tara had seen that shortly after Billy was transferred from the ER to the Oncology Ward and once Billy was settled, given morphine for the pain and put on some strong antibiotics for the infection, she had pulled Ajay aside and sat down with him to talk everything out.
Right at the start, he had broken down crying because he was just overwhelmed. They had been warned of all the risks and complications Billy had a chance of encountering with the surgery, with the chemo, and during these next few months while he went through treatment. It just didn't fail to be a shock to the system when one of these complications actually happened. Billy got an infection in the site the testicle had been removed, which lead to horrible lower stomach and groin pain where he couldn't move. His got a dangerously high fever, and when he passed out trying to go to the bathroom, Ajay called an ambulance immediately.
Tara had been amazing talking him through it all. She reassured him Billy was in good hands and that Ajay didn't have to feel like he was on his own. She also understood what it was like to face loving someone who was in a serious condition. But above all else, she reassured him that complications like this could happen and even though it did make Billy very sick, they were getting him the right treatment and he should start to feel better once the medication began to work.
She then told him to go was his face in the bathroom and get a little fresh air out in the courtyard to take a breather. She even got him a sandwich and a cup of tea brought up from the cafeteria, after checking what sort of sandwich he might be able to face eating. Ajay appreciated her kindness and compassion. Even when he got back to Billy's room, a nurse - on Tara's request - had a heated blanket and a pillow waiting for Ajay on a recliner chair she had brought in for him. That was the moment that he realised that, for these next few months, this was what life was going to be. It wasn't going to be easy, but it had to happen regardless.
He had the sandwich and the tea, but he ended up just going to the bathroom to rid himself of it when it felt like a heavy, painful brick in his stomach. When he got back, Billy had woken up a little and Ajay went over to him, taking his hand. "Hey, sweetheart. How are you feeling?" he asked him softly and gently pushing Billy's hair back from his face to kiss his forehead tenderly. He was still very warm and a little sweaty, but at least the painkillers had kicked in for him and he wasn't suffering as much.
"Hey, beautiful..." Billy murmured with a tired, dopey smile. He put his hand up to softly stroke Ajay's face and then laughed a little. He was basically completely off his face with the morphine. He wasn't feeling any pain and everything felt really good. "Tired... m'tired. And y'beautiful. Y'so beautiful, baby. Did I tell y'that y'beautiful? Y'have red hair and y'beautiful. Y'are so beautiful t'meeeee...." he tried to sing, the words slurring before he gave a little snort of laughter and his head dropped to the side.
Despite how tough the day and night had been, and despite how stressed and worried he was, a small laugh escaped Ajay too. He carefully perched on the side of the next beside Billy, making sure not to relinquish the connection of their hands. They had discovered after the surgery that Billy's tolerance to painkillers was pretty low. He laughed and giggled his way through the post-op phase, despite the fact he was still in some level of pain at the time. If it was this versus being in excruciating agony, this was the lesser of two evils. "You need to try to get some sleep. Your body's been through the wringer."
Billy's fingers were clumsily trying to lace through Ajay's but his whole body kind of felt like it was made of liquid. His head was hard to keep up, and he felt weak all over. Not pain, though. At this point, he couldn't really remember the agony he had been in because he was doped up so much. "Missed y'baby. Gimme a cuddle. Love y'cuddles so hard. Y'got a cold hand. Here... lemme kiss it better." There was a fruitless attempt to try to pull Ajay's hand up, but it didn't work.
With a smile, Ajay helped Billy raise his hand to his lips to kiss it. He just couldn't help but analyse his boyfriend closely before moving closer to give him a careful hug. Billy had managed to bruise his torso and arm when he had fainted in the bathroom. The chemo meant he was bruising a lot easier, so as far as Ajay was concerned, Billy was very precious cargo right now. Precious cargo that needed comfort. How far they had come in the last few months. A cuddle was never a guarantee with Ajay in the past, and now he would do anything Billy needed him to.
Billy had Ajay's hand hugged against his chest and in the cuddle, he rested his head on Ajay's shoulder. Ajay always smelled good. It was always like he had just stepped out of a shower and Billy's mind connected his cologne to feeling content and happy. Maybe nothing was really content and happy, but Ajay was warm and he was close. Somehow, that was all that could matter at that moment. Everything else was too hard. "Ajay... Ajay... baby... sing something. Y'got a nice voice. Smell nice... nice voice... y'so nice. And beautiful. Ajay, y'know... y'know y'beautiful, right?" he insisted, nudging Ajay gently so he could see his face.
"Sing? What do you want me to sing?" Ajay asked, because he knew that come tomorrow, Billy wouldn't remember the specifics of their conversation. But he wasn't asleep. This was probably the medically-induced equivalent of holding someone up on a walk home from a bar when they were piss-drunk and singing Queen songs at the top of their lungs before throwing up a liver in a gutter and being shoved into a cab to get home safely.
With a soft tug, Billy had pulled Ajay's hand up to his face to nuzzle them. The oxygen tubes were in the way a little, but that was okay. He wasn't really that aware of being in hospital right now. At least, not an awareness that was sinking in. Ajay's question didn't get answered. Billy just snorted and broke into a giggling fit. It was only short lived and it eased off in a few half-hearted amused snickers while he focused back on Ajay's face. "Love you... y'know I love you, right? 'Cause y'beautiful and I love you. I love all of you. I love the bits y'don't love. Kiss me. With y'lips," he begged, trying to pull Ajay closer without any realisation how awkward Ajay's sitting position already was.
Ajay wasn't really sure what else he was going to kiss Billy with, but that was okay. He leaned in to give Billy a kiss and their lips brushed together softly. At least, they did before Billy's finger was soon coming between them to rest against Ajay's lips. Ajay's green eyes just searched Billy's questioningly. At this point, nothing would really be a surprise. Or at least, so he thought before Billy's next words were tumbling from his lips.
"Marry me? 'Cause y'beautiful and I love y'so much. I do. I do," Billy insisted through a small sob when he was tearing up. "I do. Y'just... just... everythin'. There's nothin' else. I wanna keep you. Forever... 'cause y'beautiful. Please? We can have cake and... and stuff... 'cause y'beautiful and I love you. And I want-- wait, what was I sayin'?" he got out in a hazy mumble of confusion before he was suddenly throwing up all over Ajay's lap.
Ajay, who could do nothing else but just sit there stunned. He had his hand braced on Billy's shoulder while he just sat there frozen in shock, not knowing what the hell he was supposed to do. How had all this come to this? And what the fuck was he supposed to feel now?
RP LOG, COMPLETE
What: "I felt your heart so close to mine."
Where: Oncology Unit, Mount Sinai
When: Simultaneous to THIS
Ajay had spent a lot of time talking to Tara about Billy's condition. It got to the point where he felt like he was losing his grip on anything and was about to lose his shit completely. Tara had seen that shortly after Billy was transferred from the ER to the Oncology Ward and once Billy was settled, given morphine for the pain and put on some strong antibiotics for the infection, she had pulled Ajay aside and sat down with him to talk everything out.
Right at the start, he had broken down crying because he was just overwhelmed. They had been warned of all the risks and complications Billy had a chance of encountering with the surgery, with the chemo, and during these next few months while he went through treatment. It just didn't fail to be a shock to the system when one of these complications actually happened. Billy got an infection in the site the testicle had been removed, which lead to horrible lower stomach and groin pain where he couldn't move. His got a dangerously high fever, and when he passed out trying to go to the bathroom, Ajay called an ambulance immediately.
Tara had been amazing talking him through it all. She reassured him Billy was in good hands and that Ajay didn't have to feel like he was on his own. She also understood what it was like to face loving someone who was in a serious condition. But above all else, she reassured him that complications like this could happen and even though it did make Billy very sick, they were getting him the right treatment and he should start to feel better once the medication began to work.
She then told him to go was his face in the bathroom and get a little fresh air out in the courtyard to take a breather. She even got him a sandwich and a cup of tea brought up from the cafeteria, after checking what sort of sandwich he might be able to face eating. Ajay appreciated her kindness and compassion. Even when he got back to Billy's room, a nurse - on Tara's request - had a heated blanket and a pillow waiting for Ajay on a recliner chair she had brought in for him. That was the moment that he realised that, for these next few months, this was what life was going to be. It wasn't going to be easy, but it had to happen regardless.
He had the sandwich and the tea, but he ended up just going to the bathroom to rid himself of it when it felt like a heavy, painful brick in his stomach. When he got back, Billy had woken up a little and Ajay went over to him, taking his hand. "Hey, sweetheart. How are you feeling?" he asked him softly and gently pushing Billy's hair back from his face to kiss his forehead tenderly. He was still very warm and a little sweaty, but at least the painkillers had kicked in for him and he wasn't suffering as much.
"Hey, beautiful..." Billy murmured with a tired, dopey smile. He put his hand up to softly stroke Ajay's face and then laughed a little. He was basically completely off his face with the morphine. He wasn't feeling any pain and everything felt really good. "Tired... m'tired. And y'beautiful. Y'so beautiful, baby. Did I tell y'that y'beautiful? Y'have red hair and y'beautiful. Y'are so beautiful t'meeeee...." he tried to sing, the words slurring before he gave a little snort of laughter and his head dropped to the side.
Despite how tough the day and night had been, and despite how stressed and worried he was, a small laugh escaped Ajay too. He carefully perched on the side of the next beside Billy, making sure not to relinquish the connection of their hands. They had discovered after the surgery that Billy's tolerance to painkillers was pretty low. He laughed and giggled his way through the post-op phase, despite the fact he was still in some level of pain at the time. If it was this versus being in excruciating agony, this was the lesser of two evils. "You need to try to get some sleep. Your body's been through the wringer."
Billy's fingers were clumsily trying to lace through Ajay's but his whole body kind of felt like it was made of liquid. His head was hard to keep up, and he felt weak all over. Not pain, though. At this point, he couldn't really remember the agony he had been in because he was doped up so much. "Missed y'baby. Gimme a cuddle. Love y'cuddles so hard. Y'got a cold hand. Here... lemme kiss it better." There was a fruitless attempt to try to pull Ajay's hand up, but it didn't work.
With a smile, Ajay helped Billy raise his hand to his lips to kiss it. He just couldn't help but analyse his boyfriend closely before moving closer to give him a careful hug. Billy had managed to bruise his torso and arm when he had fainted in the bathroom. The chemo meant he was bruising a lot easier, so as far as Ajay was concerned, Billy was very precious cargo right now. Precious cargo that needed comfort. How far they had come in the last few months. A cuddle was never a guarantee with Ajay in the past, and now he would do anything Billy needed him to.
Billy had Ajay's hand hugged against his chest and in the cuddle, he rested his head on Ajay's shoulder. Ajay always smelled good. It was always like he had just stepped out of a shower and Billy's mind connected his cologne to feeling content and happy. Maybe nothing was really content and happy, but Ajay was warm and he was close. Somehow, that was all that could matter at that moment. Everything else was too hard. "Ajay... Ajay... baby... sing something. Y'got a nice voice. Smell nice... nice voice... y'so nice. And beautiful. Ajay, y'know... y'know y'beautiful, right?" he insisted, nudging Ajay gently so he could see his face.
"Sing? What do you want me to sing?" Ajay asked, because he knew that come tomorrow, Billy wouldn't remember the specifics of their conversation. But he wasn't asleep. This was probably the medically-induced equivalent of holding someone up on a walk home from a bar when they were piss-drunk and singing Queen songs at the top of their lungs before throwing up a liver in a gutter and being shoved into a cab to get home safely.
With a soft tug, Billy had pulled Ajay's hand up to his face to nuzzle them. The oxygen tubes were in the way a little, but that was okay. He wasn't really that aware of being in hospital right now. At least, not an awareness that was sinking in. Ajay's question didn't get answered. Billy just snorted and broke into a giggling fit. It was only short lived and it eased off in a few half-hearted amused snickers while he focused back on Ajay's face. "Love you... y'know I love you, right? 'Cause y'beautiful and I love you. I love all of you. I love the bits y'don't love. Kiss me. With y'lips," he begged, trying to pull Ajay closer without any realisation how awkward Ajay's sitting position already was.
Ajay wasn't really sure what else he was going to kiss Billy with, but that was okay. He leaned in to give Billy a kiss and their lips brushed together softly. At least, they did before Billy's finger was soon coming between them to rest against Ajay's lips. Ajay's green eyes just searched Billy's questioningly. At this point, nothing would really be a surprise. Or at least, so he thought before Billy's next words were tumbling from his lips.
"Marry me? 'Cause y'beautiful and I love y'so much. I do. I do," Billy insisted through a small sob when he was tearing up. "I do. Y'just... just... everythin'. There's nothin' else. I wanna keep you. Forever... 'cause y'beautiful. Please? We can have cake and... and stuff... 'cause y'beautiful and I love you. And I want-- wait, what was I sayin'?" he got out in a hazy mumble of confusion before he was suddenly throwing up all over Ajay's lap.
Ajay, who could do nothing else but just sit there stunned. He had his hand braced on Billy's shoulder while he just sat there frozen in shock, not knowing what the hell he was supposed to do. How had all this come to this? And what the fuck was he supposed to feel now?
RP LOG, COMPLETE