"Things can only get better."

[scottishpride]

Who: Lachlan Campbell, Billy Willis and Ajay Bellerose
What: You say curse, I say blessing
Where: Mount Sinai Hospital
When: After THIS

It was a good few hours after Ajay's exploratory procedure that Lachlan included him in his rounds. The lad had a rough trot with the anesthetic, so it was best to let him sleep it off before bombarding him with medical information. He was Lachlan's last patient of the night, which meant he could spend a bit more time with him. He had heard of Ajay's case when he got shot, and Patrick gave Lachlan the head's up after the procedure (which he had been his anesthesiologist for) that Ajay was dating Billy, Jude's brother. So he was a special case by default, as far as Lachlan was concerned.

He had Ajay's medical record tucked under his arm and knocked softly on the door. Billy was lying on the bed with him watching him sleep and Lachlan gave him a smile, voice hushed when he spoke. "You dinnae have to move. I'm nay going to kick you out, buddie. Promise. My wife used to the the same with me when I was a patient and it made the whole thing easier. I do have to try and rouse him a wee bit, though. Just to give him a check over for pain levels and I need to chat with him about diagnosis."

Comments

[scottishpride]

Lachlan rested his hand on Ajay's shoulder with a gentle squeeze. "I dinnae want you to think I have no understanding of your eating disorder, buddy. No, I'm nay a specialist in that field and I havenae had any personal experience with the condition. But I am a doctor in our Diagnostic Medicine team here, so it's my job to have understanding of many different conditions and fields. I know that this is a lot for you to take in, and that it's going to be a struggle for you to understand something beyond the control the bulimia has over you needs to take precedent. We'll work very closely with you, and with Gabe, to try to construct the best treatment plan you can cope with. I also understand that the pain and discomfort you feel qualifies to you in your mind that you have control over the eating disorder, but that's not the case, Ajay. It's making you seriously sick and internal bleeding is a serious thing. We caught it early, and what we're going to do it give you some intensive cortisone therapy to heal up the inflammation in the first instance."

Once Ajay gave his authorisation for Billy to be involved, Lachlan handed him some patient leaflets and information sheets on Crohn's Disease. "I also want to commence you on a couple of other medications used to control the flare ups. They will still happen, there's no way to truly avoid them, but we can keep is as controlled as we can and treat the flare ups when they happen. It's important to recognise the signs of the flares so you know when to get further treatment, and that's where the difficulty will be for you because the discomfort has become your norm via the bulimia. You need to start being able to take a normal balanced diet with lots of fluids, fibre and iron. The thought of that scares the living shit out of you, I know, buddy, but this is serious, okay? Either way, if we dinnae address this here and now either the bulimia or this will eventually catch up to you and all your systems will begin to shut down on you. But you have Billy here to help you and take care of you now, and my colleagues here are some of the best in the country. You dinnae have to suffer anymore. We're going to get you well, but you have to work with us."

[tomorrowneverknows]

Billy mutely took the leaflets and flicked through them. Maybe in a way this was a blessing in disguise if it was that push to help Ajay fight the bulimia, but at the same time, he felt sick inside thinking that he had just lived with the pain of this without even realising something was wrong. He lived with it because he thought he deserved it with the bulimia being self-inflicted, and he believed that because his asshole mother and sister had injected those thoughts into his mind for years. He looked at Ajay and was now softly rubbing his chest to try to comfort him. It wasn't nice to hear any of this, and he didn't know how Ajay would cope with it after everything already weighing on him. "Is there anything I can do to help here? Will he have to stay in the hospital or can we take the medication home? I can take care of him, I swear."

He liked the sound of Ajay not having to suffer anymore, but he knew what Lachlan was saying wasn't an easy fix. It would still be hard for Ajay to work on this... if not harder being ill. He was getting a little panicky now because what if Ajay couldn't get better with the bulimia and his systems started shutting down? This was, again, one of those moments he wanted his big brother there. But Jude wasn't here, so the panic was staying. "It's okay, honey. I'm here, okay? I'll help you with this, I'll look after you. We all will. Travis will. I mean, if you want to tell him. He just might like to help, to show you that he does care about you. We'll help you..." he repeated, kissing Ajay's temple.

[radioactivesadness]

Ajay nodded but he was getting upset and tearing up. He hadn't wanted to do that, and he felt guilty for not being stronger. "I'm sorry, it's just a lot to take in," he told them shakily. "I think I just need some sleep and try to understand it more a bit later. Is that okay? I'm okay, it's just something I don't really have any understanding of and my head is really hurting. I always knew that the bulimia could cause me problems, but I just buried my head in the sand about it. It's been a really long few weeks and I'm so tired. I don't mean to be difficult."

He wiped the tears away with his fingers. Being told he didn't have to suffer anymore wasn't something he could believe. It was also a little scary to think he had to face the eating regime again because his life depended on it. He knew what he needed to do, but it was always hard to battle it when he was at his worst. "Whatever you need me to do, I'll do. I just need to take it in and I'm not feeling so good right now."

[scottishpride]

Connor took the box of tissues from the cabinet by the bed and placed them in Ajay's lap for him. "Dinnae get yourself all distressed, buddy. It's going to be okay. You've had a rough ride of it and had a lot of stress to deal with over recent months, and even prior to that from the look of your old medical records. What I'm going to do is get the nurse to come in and give you something a wee bit stronger for the pain in your leg and your belly. I would like to keep you in for a few more days to hit you with a hard and fast dose of IV cortisone to heal up that bleed you had so it doesnae happen again, and we can start you on the meds you'll need to be on from now on. I know hospital sucks, buddy, I really do but over the next few days, we can monitor all your symptoms to begin building a picture of what happens in your flare ups. I want to get a dietician up here to start going over what you need and ways in which you can cope with your eating, but I want to start you on PEG feeding, Ajay. With the inflammation in your belly, the nutrient and iron deficiency and the severe B12 deficiency, we need to start combat that malnourishment. We'll take the burden of eating out of your hands for a little while until you get better. Even when we discharge you, the PEG feeds can continue at home for a short while. Do you think you would be okay with that? If you want, I can call Gabe up and see if he can pop in here to see you for a session. Would you like me to arrange that for you?"

"For now, get some rest, aye? I think we might get you on another bag of fluids and something for nausea so you can rest comfortably. I'm back on shift again tomorrow morning, so I'll come by and have another wee chat with you to see how you're going. But I willnae do anything without your authority, so if there's anything you dinnae want or dinnae understand, tell me, buddy, and we'll find other routes," he said and this time gave Billy a hospital print-out explaining what PEG feeding was and why it was vital for Ajay right now.

[tomorrowneverknows]

Billy wished Ajay could go home, but he knew all this was vital right now. It wasn't just bulimia that had been dragging Ajay down, it was the fact that he had been in pain and just generally quit eating besides the binges. It was all becoming clear now, the way Ajay nearly passed out when Billy brought his diary back to him. He was malnourished, anemic, and probably dehydrated more often than not. Sure, he didn't know the exact extent of Ajay's symptoms because it hadn't been any of his business, but he could guess the sorts of things he had been dealing, all just put down to the eating disorder. He was nodding listening to Lachlan, and relieved that they weren't going to try to start shoving food down Ajay's throat to try to combat the eating disorder. That just wouldn't work.

He took some tissues from the box and wiped away Ajay's tears. "What can I do? I'll call Gen, see if she minds having some time off so I can help him through all this. I-I'll... shit, I didn't sign that contract with Caden for the play, but I'll just tell him Ajay's gotten sick and I can't commit to it anymore. Getting him better is way more important," he decided, thinking out loud and trying to take in as much of this as he can so Ajay didn't need to remember it. "So, this PEG thing, it's a tube in his stomach so he doesn't need to worry about eating? That makes sense. And he can have it at home? He doesn't need to stay in here for ages, right?"

[radioactivesadness]

"Wait, no-- that's not happening!" Ajay immediately protested, even if he was still teary and trying not to get snot everywhere. He took some more of the tissues to wipe his eyes and nose. "You're not missing the opportunity with the show because of me. I know we've started to date here, but I'm not going to keep doing that if you sacrifice things that are important to you because of me... because of this. I've done all this on my own for a very long time, and I know it might seem like I can't handle it, and to be honest, I'm not coping the best, but I'm not dying and I'm not incapacitated. I've done this before, the feeding thing. I know what happens with it. I've done all this, okay? I know it's going to be hard and it means the world to me you want to help me and be there, but only when you're not busy with the play. I mean it. I'll end all this dating stuff right here if you try to quit. You need to do it for you, and for Justin. When you go home to get some sleep, you can sign the contract and send it to Caden."

This showed how strong Ajay could be. He might seem weak, and he might seem vulnerable and broken, which he was, all of the above, but he had also fought this hard battle for years so he was weathered to it. "You... you need to understand that my head is a messed up place, and on top of everything else, I can't deal with the guilt of you quitting the play because I'm sick. It's hard enough hating on myself for everything else already. Okay? Give me something to look forward to, seeing your opening night." He looked back to Lachlan. "I think I should see Gabe, thank you. I'm sorry I'm such a mess. Everything's so hard right now, I can't make sense of it in my head."

[scottishpride]

Oh, did Lachlan recognise this particular relationship battle. It would be one Ajay and Billy needed to work through together. He couldn't think of a single couple he knew that had faced hardships who hadn't been through a very similar push/pull give/take situation like this. It was just a higher stressor in this circumstance with Ajay's mental health needing stabilised. "Things dinnae need to be to that extreme, Billy. In fact, even with the PEG feed, Ajay can still be out and about. It's hidden under his clothing, he's not incapacitated by it. All it is is an alternative route of nutrition where there's been a compromise on oral ingestion of food. It has two benefits in this situation... it removes the psychological battle Ajay has at present with food, and gives the gut time to rest and heal from the inflammation that caused the bleed. We need to get nutrients into him in the most effective way to sustain him and replenish the deficiencies. He's very underweight. The biggest myth people have with any eating disorder is thinking if patients just eat, they'll be fine. It doesnae work like that. All his bodily systems are being denied the things they need, it needs to be a universal therapeutic regime to fight it. It probably doesnae even take much to trigger a purge. It becomes a norm."

He rested his hand on Ajay's arm again. "I just want to take a set of obs so we can see where to start with the meds first, okay? But tell me, are you musical like your dad, buddy? When we had you in Recovery you got a wee bit sick on your gown, so we changed it for you and I noticed the tattoo on your arm. The sheet music to What a Wonderful World. It's usually musical folk who get ink like that," he noted with a small smile, relieving the weight of the conversation just a little so Ajay had something else to focus on for a bit.

[tomorrowneverknows]

It was hard for Billy to be convinced about all this, but he knew his heart was overtaking his head. Ajay was firmly putting him in his place over the play situation and Lachlan was elaborating on the whole thing so he could understand more easily. And he appreciated it all. Ajay's words were very pointed. He wasn't saying he was okay or that he would be fine. In fact, he was admitting he was anything but. He was ready to do what it took though, and Billy wanted to help with it. "Okay, but I just... when I'm not working, I can still help, can't I? Until you start feeling better?" Ajay wasn't horribly skinny, but Billy knew from the close contact he'd had cuddling him and lying close that he was too underweight. This all seemed scary and extreme, but Ajay's condition had reached danger zones. Billy was glad Lachlan was his doctor. He looked at Ajay sympathetically. "Is that true? It doesn't take much for you to make yourself sick?"

Wait... ink? "You have ink?" he asked in surprise. He hadn't ever seen Ajay uncovered, though. In fact, he had never seen him in anything but a hospital gown that didn't have long sleeves. Lachlan was extremely musically talented, and did a lot of music producing and mentoring in his spare time, but it was cool to hear him recognise the song just by reading the music within the tattoo. He hadn't ever thought to ask if Ajay was musical like his father. He knew his sister was, and that she said Ajay was talentless and useless. That didn't mean anything, the stupid bitch.

[radioactivesadness]

"I know this is hard for you," Ajay murmured to Billy with a tiny frown. "It's hard for me too, we have to figure it out together. You've never done any of this before, and I've never done any of this when I've been dating. You can't give up on Footloose before it even starts. You opened up a whole new pile of confidence for Justin in resuming the play, and you deserve to have that role. It's Broadway. Even if I'm not feeling good and you're at the theatre doing your thing, we can still text or chat on the phone when you have breaks. Of course you can help me. You're helping me in ways without even realising it. And I... I... no. It doesn't really take much. I've done it enough, I'm kind of an expert. I'm not going to give you the gory details. You've seen enough in the aftermath."

He was surprised too, because he didn't know Lachlan's background. "That's my favourite song. It helps remembering things I seem to keep losing sight of. I'm a little musical, I guess. Just don't like to do it in front of anyone. Crowds make me nervous, I don't like being the centre of attention. It's more a personal thing," he mumbled with a self-conscious shrug. "Nothing like dad. Rock's not really my thing."