"I just can't walk away..."

[notmyfathersson]

Who? Travis Parker-Cleary and Ajay Bellerose
What? First Impressions the second
When? About an hour after Billy and Travis's not so pleasant meeting
Where? The Willis place

Travis had been really upset when he left the apartment where he'd been told that Ajay was staying. He wanted to see his brother, but the truth remained that he had no proof whatsoever that he was related to Ajay. They didn't even have the same surname, and after everything that had happened to Ajay, it was no wonder that Billy was so fiercely protective of him. It was good to know that there were people who cared and who would protect his brother, and in all honesty, Travis couldn't say he wouldn't feel the same if someone unexpectedly showed up on his doorstep asking for someone he cared about and worried for.

That was what was on his mind as he left the coffee shop where he'd been sitting for the last hour or so and headed back over to the Willis place. Whether Ajay or Jude was home or not, it didn't matter. Travis wanted at the very least to apologize to Billy for intruding on him. It wasn't fair, and he couldn't blame him in the slightest for not being comfortable with it, and even for freaking out. So it was that he came to again be standing in front of Billy and Jude's door, this time knocking very lightly. He didn't want to be an asshole and disturb them if they were doing something else... He just wanted a chance to apologize.

Comments

[radioactivesadness]

Ajay was in so much pain, it wasn't funny. That was on top of the cold, tired, and emotional overload his sessions with Gabe seemed to bring. He didn't want to quit, though, because he knew that Gabe was the best therapist he ever had and had breached more pain with Ajay in a handful of sessions than any other had in the past. The others were all eating disorder specialists, but Gabe specialised in psychotherapy with mental illness and post-trauma in younger people. He had been going about it in a very different way, and only time would tell how it all came out. He had his back leant heavily against the cubicle of the elevator up to Billy and Jude's hall. It was a miracle he didn't keel over and pass out from exhaustion. Thank god Gabe had helped him out of the car and into the apartment block, because Ajay's butt had seemed intent on staying in the front passenger seat.

He nearly missed the elevator arriving at the right floor because he seemed to have dozed off standing against the wall. Trying to catch the doors before they swung closed again, Ajay only just avoiding getting stuck in them. The bottom of one crutch did get caught, and it was a struggle for him to try to stay up on one, not put weight on his injured leg, and yank the second from the clutches of the elevator doors. He pushed them open to relinquish the crutch and by the time he righted himself, he looked up to see that a guy had appeared from... well, somewhere to try to help him. "Thanks, but I'm good," he mumbled, only meeting the guy's eyes briefly before he broke the eye contact under the guise of trying to pull his jacket and shirt down so there was no skin exposed.

[notmyfathersson]

It wasn't something he could totally explain -- seeing the redheaded kid step off the elevator, obviously in pain and having a really shitty day to boot. But as soon as he saw him, before he even had time to think about any of the other things like the fact that the kid was obviously hurt, or anything else, he knew. The red hair and the eyes were a dead giveaway, but more than that, Travis just genuinely knew that this was his brother. When Ajay's crutch got stuck in the door of the elevator, Travis immediately jumped in to try and help him. When their eyes met, only for a brief moment, Travis's mind went completely blank except for the weird feeling of shock that ran through him. "You... You're Ajay," he stammered, looking at him in disbelief. "I'm sorry. You probably think I'm some sort of weirdo stalker... Especially after... after everything."

He didn't want to ramble, because this was his first time meeting his brother, and he wanted it to be a good first impression, so he paused and started again. "I'm sorry. My name is Travis. I... You don't know me, but... I came here to see you. You're... You're my brother, and it's okay if you don't believe me, but you can ask your dad about me. I've met him a few times. Look, I know you're going through a lot right now, and I don't want to freak you out or anything... Your um... Your friend Billy made it pretty clear that you're dealing with a hell of a lot, but... Shit, you're my brother and I wanted to at least see you in person."

[radioactivesadness]

This made Ajay jump with a small start, because he had never seen this guy in his life. He wouldn't say he was on edge, per se, but he had been a couple of times the past few weeks so he was more emotionally raw that he was going through the motions, so something unexpected caught him off guard. Maybe the guy was staying with Mrs Parsons or something? She had been so kind to him, without even knowing hardly anything about him. Discovering kind people still existed in the world was what Ajay really needed right now. He didn't say anything to guy at first. He didn't confirm or deny who he was, he just kind of stared at him for a few moments, fingers curling and uncurling nervously at the handles of the crutches. And what the hell did he mean by 'after everything'? That was even more unnerving.

Then he continued and it was probably sheer dumb luck that he didn't pass out on the spot just hearing it. The guy was talking crazy shit and all Ajay could manage at first was a slight shake of his head because he was really too shocked to even manage to shake it completely. "There's... no. You must be mistaken, my dad only has two kids. I don't know what anyone's been telling you, but there's only me and my sister." But hang on, both his father and Billy knew about this, and neither said anything to him? That was throwing him off a whole lot more, because he really would have appreciated a heads-up if someone was going to spring him out of the blue and try to make out he was his brother. Especially 'after everything'. "Yeah, well, now you've seen me. I'm a boring, miserable piece of crap so you can leave now." May as well get in first before the guy started to sound like Candy. Maybe it would soften the ultimate blow.

[notmyfathersson]

There had to be some better way than this to spring someone with the news that you were their brother, but try as he might, Travis just hadn't been able to think of anything better. He needed Ajay to know, but he didn't want to freak him out. Which he'd apparently already done. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to spring you like this, Ajay. I was actually coming back to apologize to Billy because we had a pretty serious argument the first time I showed up here. I didn't expect to bump into you or I would've come up with a much better way to tell you who I was. My mom and your dad hooked up once back in the eighties. He knows about me because I showed up on his doorstep really awkwardly, too. I swear, I really didn't intend to upset you."

But then Ajay was putting himself down, and it was breaking Travis's heart to even hear him say all these things. It was as if Candy had programmed him or something, because these were the exact same things she'd said about him to Travis when he'd first met her. But Ajay was a good looking kid, if really small and pale, and from what Billy said, he was an amazing person, too. Travis had no doubt that Billy was serious about that, too, because he'd defended Ajay so adamantly and you didn't do something like that for a person you didn't even like in the first place. Travis shook his head just a little. "Well, that's not what I've heard," he said softly. "Not from Billy. He seems to think you're the most amazing person ever, and considering he was at the point where I'm pretty sure he would've killed me with his bare hands to protect you, I'm inclined to believe he meant it. How's this? Maybe you and I could have tea or coffee or something together, and just chat for a while? Then if you don't want me around anymore, I'll be gone."

[radioactivesadness]

Ajay sighed and looked down at the ground. Why was his life lately just one thing after another that he felt like he had no capacity to handle or face? Ironically, that was exactly what he had said to Gabe in the therapy session before he broke down and bawled his eyes out for the rest of it. Luckily, Gabe always had a good stock of Kleenex on hand. "He's only known me about month, and he's an actor, so good with words." He wasn't implying Billy was lying, just that his judgement was clouded, maybe. He had a huge heart, but he was wasting it on Ajay, and Ajay felt awful that Billy was having some sort of feelings for a waste of space like him. It just had to be based on pity, right? At least, he had been sure of that until Gabe reminded him that Billy wasn't seeing him through the eyes Ajay saw himself. That kind of put a spanner in the works.

"He wouldn't have killed you. He might have screamed at you and slammed the door in your face, but Billy's not the sort to hurt anyone." He felt hurt and betrayed. He felt confused and intimidated. He lonely all over again, like everyone and everything in the world was fighting against him, rooting for him to keep hurting himself. That was why he had come so close to taking himself out of the equation entirely. At least until the dumb punk that pointed a gun at him got scared and made him hit his head, knocking him out. The thing was, his dad had been a slutty rockstar, that much was no secret. It was why Ajay was such a mockery because he wasn't as badass as his father had been, Candy being the one lorded over for following in his footsteps. He wasn't naive to think it was a complete impossibility his dad didn't knock one of his many notches on the bedpost up, but Ajay hadn't wanted to think about that. Until it was standing here facing him and he had no choice but to. "Fine. But make it somewhere close because I'm not supposed to be on my leg for too long."

[notmyfathersson]

"I don't think any of that was acting, buddy," Travis replied quietly, watching Ajay with an air of quiet curiosity. "I mean, in all reality, I'm pretty sure he really would've hurt me to protect you if he felt that he needed to. Not that I think he would've wanted to, and I may be wrong about that, too. He's someone you know, and I'm just speaking from what I saw then and there. It's... he cares about you a lot. Are you guys dating or something?" He paused, shaking his head a little after he thought about that. "I'm sorry. I don't... I guess I don't really have a right to ask that just yet. I... I'm sorry, Ajay. I've got no clue how to be a brother at all, but even less how to be one in this situation. I really hope that I can learn, but I want you to know that if you don't feel comfortable with it after we chat, I'll totally understand."

He paused, looking Ajay over for a minute. "Do you have a wheelchair or something to get you off your leg? There was a nice coffee shop just around the corner, but you look like you've been on your feet more than long enough. I don't want to make things any worse for you."

[radioactivesadness]

Ajay gave a shake of his head. "We're not dating. He works in the job I quit last year. He's just a kind person, he wanted to help me out. There was no one else here to help me and I wasn't ready to go back to Vermont. Don't worry about it. My sister has no clue how to be a sister either, so I guess it runs in the family. You don't owe me anything. I don't feel comfortable with a lot of things, it's not really a worthy basis for anything."

"Nope. It's fine. You get used to it." He offered Travis a small glance before he was hitting ground button on the elevator again. He wasn't about to tell the guy that he was near dead on his feet after a two hour session with his psychotherapist. If he was going to do this, he wanted answers before he went to his father and tore him a new one for not telling him about this. Ajay was generally a placid person, but if something pushed him far enough, he could have a temper on him. Like the time he keyed his sister's pink convertible right in front of her because she was abusing him loud enough for the neighbours to hear and told her if she made a fuss about it, he would tell the media she tried to molest him. "So, you only just wondered if I existed now, huh? Not really surprised."

[notmyfathersson]

"I didn't come here because of owing anyone anything. I came here because of a lot of reasons, but one being because we're brothers, and that means on some level, we're part of each other. I... I met your sister. Our sister, I guess. Can't say I'm a fan, honestly. She's..." Travis fell silent for a moment, waving his hand in a circular motion in front of him. "Well, I basically was just hoping that I'd come across a sibling that basically wasn't like that, to make a long story short. I just don't want to force myself into your life if it's going to make trouble for you. I'm your brother, but that doesn't mean you're under any obligation to me. It's not your fault that our dad was out making babies with other people. I just wanted to at least try."

"No... I've always wondered about you," he explained, realizing all of this would probably sound hard to believe to Ajay. "I mean, as long as I've known about you. I have a stepdad who's really great, and I was afraid if I came looking for you guys, he'd be hurt or think that I somehow was discounting what he did for me growing up. He's the one who supported me coming to look for you guys. So I met your dad and Candy, and she was... well, I didn't get a good feeling from her, and I was kind of nervous that you'd be like her. It doesn't seem that way, though. Not at all."

[radioactivesadness]

"She badmouthed me and called me an attention-skeeing whore?" Ajay guessed and pressed his lips together with wry disgust as he got into the elevator. Inside, he leant against the wall and took some of the pressure of the crutches off his arms. They ached using these things, especially under his arms. "She and I are nothing alike. Honestly, I'm not convinced she's even my father's. Mom slept around, but that's not something I'm supposed to know. Plus, Candy hates redheads, so you were on a bad hand to start with. Congratulations, you have a fucked up long-lost family. You probably should have just cut your losses."

There was a small moth flitting around the light in the ceiling of the elevator, and Ajay looked up at it, watching it quietly as he listened. "I'm glad you had a supportive family," he replied quietly. "Dad does his best, but he had a bad stroke a few years ago, and he's never been the same since. His wife holds the reigns the best she can. His answer to everything is to throw cash at it, because it's really the only way he can help, I guess."

[notmyfathersson]

"Pretty much," Travis replied with a shrug, somewhat ashamed of himself for having just assumed Ajay would be an asshole like their sister. "I can pretty much see that right off the bat. The two of you couldn't be more different. She was immediately loud and in my face about everything. I guess if she hates gingers that does sort of put me off to a bad start, but I love being a ginger, so I'm not really concerned with her. But you don't seem like an asshole, and if you're not, then I don't consider it a loss at all. Fucked up families don't necessarily mean everyone in the family is a fucked up person. My stepdad's mother's a terrible bitch, but she raised a really good son."

"I know that we don't know each other yet, but I'd really like to be supportive family to each other. Honestly, I always wanted to have a brother that I could be close with and stuff. I won't rush it. I know it's a shocker for you. I've had time to get used to it, but you haven't, and I'm fine with taking time." He was quiet for a moment and watched Ajay as he spoke. "What's your mom like?"

[radioactivesadness]

"She thinks she's queen of the world. Started out a pageant brat, and got even worse once my dad's old record label signed her on his name and status. She's a typical LA bitch. She only ever comes to see Dad if she wants something. I'd rather kill myself than exist like that," Ajay said completely honestly. It was probably why he shied away from so much in his life, fear of ending up like her.

The elevator arrived at the ground floor and Ajay lodged the crutches back under his arm with a small grimace because he hated being incapacitated like this. It was easy not to think too much about when you were sitting on your ass or lying in bed, but he was going to be starting physio for his leg soon, so he needed to suck it up anyway. "She's exactly like my sister," he said cynically. "I'm not even exaggerating. I always more like my dad in looks. The ginger is his side, obviously. But really, I'm nothing like anyone in my family, though my grandmother used to say I was like my grandfather, but he died before I was born of a heart attack. He didn't cope well with Dad's rockstar way of life and exposure. The paparazzi would always stalk them, and they were forced to move to Vancouver to get some peace. Grandma's still alive. She's a nanny, but overdue for retirement."