"Bit of both, I think. Definitely not intentionally. I was going to head home after a few and get a bit of work done on a research paper I'm working on. We all knew Jus had the physio trial today to see if he could tolerate holding himself up on the bars to get slight weight-bearing on his legs started. Very, very early days of a long road but he's been working his arse off with upper body strengthening. That obviously meant there was a chance he couldn't handle it, so we'd prepared for that. Once I was out with my mates, it was easy to disconnect temporarily. Even though they asked me how Justin and Sash were getting on, we didn't talk about anything else about my family. Just reminiscing about old times and all that. There really was absolutely nothing in that drunken hook up. I just want you to know that, even though I'm sure it looks otherwise. I just want you to know what." Alec put the pills in his mouth and washed them down with a sip of tea. He closed his eyes for a lingering few moments and sighed. "It's easier to explain how other people are feeling. It's easier to make sure other people are holding up the best they can when things are stressful or traumatic. And fuck know, it's not like either is foreign to my family. But this is actually the first time I've been physically present when both Sammy and Sparky's lives have been on the line. Like, really on the line. I know Sammy's getting treatment and it's a highly treatable form of cancer, and Sparky's getting the psych help he needs to get back on top of things but I'm really scared. That there's a chance we could lose them, or they could lose each other. Our family does a really great job of protecting each other but when the forces are beyond your control, it's a whole other ball game. I have this heavy ache in my gut that there's going to be some straw that breaks a camel's back and my family will never be the same again. And if I'm honest, it doesn't feel different to the pain when I lost you. That's probably why I've been struggling every time I see you lately. There's something you can do... you're already doing it. Hearing me out, giving me a chance to try to explain."