dreamlikenewyork | "We've been doing all this late night talking, 'Bout anything you want until the morning."

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"We've been doing all this late night talking, 'Bout anything you want until the morning."

Who: Jude Willis and Winston Slater
What: "Now you're in my life, I can't get you off my mind"
Where: Sydney, Australia
When: After this

Despite the heartbreaking mess that had them all converging in Sydney, Jude felt surreally content after his lengthy unexpected deep-and-meaningful chat with Reecy. Since Jude had returned to New York following his stint overseas with Doctors Without Borders, he and Reecy had resumed a friendship he truly valued because he always thought she was so wise and compassionate, he highly respected her not just as a person, but as a successful woman who always had the backs of the people she loved, no questions asked. He was glad he got to still call himself one of them after everything went so wrong with their romantic relationship which ultimately was mostly down to being incompatible, at the end of the day. And all that now led him to this very new, but very exciting, romance with her BFF (or as Reecy called him, her BFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF x infinity), Winston. The chat gave him so much food for thought, especially about Jude's insecurities of putting his heart on the line again and how much he wanted all this to work out, but especially in a sense of not repeating past errors with Winston that ended his relationship with Reecy.

It was the very early hours of the morning when he tiptoed back to the bed he was sharing with Winston here at the investment beachhouse on Sydney Harbour owned by Justin and Sasha. It was sprawling and luxurious enough that also staying there with them was Kyan and Reecy, Trey and Ash, Arian and Chance, with bedrooms still leftover. Winston had been battling another bad migraine triggered by the long-haul flight from New York and it had yet again knocked him. Jude was learning how Winston managed his chronic migraine condition and what he needed when one took him down. Winston was still out for the count when Jude went back to bed.

He crashed out for a few hours himself before he was woken by the urge to take a leak. This time, when he padded back into the bedroom from the attached ensuite bathroom, sliding back into bed to spoon Winston and snuggle into his back, Winston shifted with a muffled mostly-still-asleep hum of recognition. Jude tucked his arm more snugly around Winston's waist. "You're awake," he murmured, kissing Winston's back. "It's okay, babe. Go back to sleep. Nothing to get up for. Just rest."

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Winston looked both slightly horrified and cynical about both options here. "Can I put my order in for just a random cold and nothing else? Because do not want either of those alternatives. Lasting only a few days or not, any friggin gastro bug feels like it lasts for a month. But I get it, if I'm sick, I need to quarantine from Ree until I'm back to being 100% again. It's a pain in the ass, I was trying to be so careful. We wore masks the whole time." He accepted the glass when Jude offered it to him and had a couple of slow but small mouthfuls of water, indicating that he didn't have any issues being obedient to Jude's advice. Nor would he be. He generally didn't fight when he got ill and usually just hibernated through it but the timing and situation of all of this couldn't be worse. He looked longingly at the bathtub. "I do really want a bath. I'm just a bit nervy about getting out in a hurry if my stomach decides to be a bitch again. I don't feel hot at all. Actually, it feels like the aircon is up too high in here. Shit, I almost forgot Ari was dating Justin's newest uncle. So much has been going on. I've only met Chance once, at that first Thanksgiving. I don't think I had a one-on-one chat with him either. Dating Ari, though, that's a whole lot of hot in one relationship. They both look like supermo--" He stopped short, hand going back to his stomach as he hunched over a bit when he was hit with a twisting cramp in his gut. He pushed the glass back into Jude's hand. "Oh god, I think I need the toilet again and you probably don't wanna stick around this time. Sorry, babe. Fuck, please tell me it's not the noro thing. I didn't sign up for this."

Jude gave Winston's a gentle pat on the bum and put the glass back down by the sink. "Just give me a shout when you're ready for the bath and I'll run it. We'll bring the sick bowl in you had overnight in with us in case you get sick again while we're in the tub. I'm leaving the water here. You need to try to keep sipping it." He gave Winston some privacy in the bathroom and went back through to the bedroom they were sharing to dig around in his suitcase to see what OTC medications he packed for the trip. There was enough acetaminophen to last a couple of days if Winston needed it frequently to regulate a fever, along with a bottle of Pepto and what he was hoping to find - Imodium Rapid. Having a brother-in-law with crohn's, he'd learned to keep it on hand for any situation but especially when travelling. He was worried about Winston and hoped that even if it was one of these highly contagious things, it was mild for him and passed quickly. He sat on side of the bed and texted with Ari for a little longer. Just when he was about to go and check if Winston was still okay, the bathroom door opened and Winston appeared in the doorway. "You okay? You still want a bath or to go back to bed? The trots can be a symptom of covid too, love. Doesn't mean it's going to be noro. You'd probably still be throwing up more if it was that. Got a lifeline for you. It should help a little." He held up the box of Imodium.

"Bath. I'm holding you to that massage. As soon as these kick in, though. How rapid can I hope they'll be?" Winston took the packet of pills gratefully. He sat sunk down on the side of the bed and handed Jude his glass of water so he could pop a couple of the pills into his palm. He took the pills and washed them down with a sip of water, then rested his head on Jude's shoulder with a sigh. "It's fucking balls if this is covid. I've got so much I need to talk to Ree about. Just my luck to go the entire pandemic dodging it and get it now, with the worst timing possible. You said you had it, didn't you? How shit should I expect to feel? I've heard all sorts of horror stories. It's hard not to be a bit scared of getting it. The third vax made me pretty sick. It was like a bad flu for a few days. But I've always been the sort to get side effects from injections and shit. I'm sorry, babe. This is crap for you too. I promise, I'm not usually the sort to whine. Just feeling pretty shit."

"You should get some relief within the hour. Your system's probably all out of whack anyway, if you're not well on top of the jetlag and migraine. We just need to keep an eye on your symptoms and weather it as it comes. I had it twice. The first was early in the pandemic and it was a pretty nasty strain, so I could barely get out of bed for a good week. The second time was much more recent and just like a bad cold. It didn't last long. It depends on the strain and how your immunity generally is. But I remember you telling me when you were in the ER for the migraine that day that you don't get ill with other things very often, so you've got being fit and healthy on your side. It's just a pain in the ass having to isolate until you're testing negative. Then I'd give it another couple of days on top of that before being in a room with Reecy. If this is early stages of the infection, I'd say stomach upset, aches and pains, sore throat, and fever will be most of it. You could develop a cough. You don't have to worry, I'll be right here. I've had a lot of experience with all levels of severity with the infection. I know the red flags and warning signs. If you test positive, you just have to rest up in bed, try to keep the fluids up the best you can, and let me take care of you. You'll probably mostly just want to sleep. You don't need to keep apologising, love. It's more than okay. You're not whining at all. I haven't heard you whine once since we started dating. You're just frustrated and feeling crappy. I'm here to vent to if you want to." Jude softly combed his fingers through Winston's hair, tucking some of the curls behind his ear. "Do you want me to start running the bath? It's a big tub, it might take a little bit to fill. Do you want bubbles or oil or bath salts in it, or is fragranced things too much after you've had a migraine? Bearing in mind, if this is covid, your sense of smell and taste might be weakened too."

Winston was realising that Jude in caretaker mode tended to pivot himself towards the background of everything. That made sense, it's what natural caretakers did without realising it but he was pretty sure Jude didn't realise he was doing it and Winston wanted him to know that this was absolutely a two-way street, despite the fact that up to now, he'd been the one who needed the TLC. It wasn't always easy to remember it was okay to need to be taken care off too, when you'd spent a long time single and going it all alone, even the shitty days where you were unwell. "In a minute. The bath can wait for a sec. You said that day we had breakfast with Ree back home that you were alone through the whole of covid, which means you were alone when you got sick with it. That had to be really hard. Like, really fucking hard. When was the last time you let anyone take care of you? And before you say that it was a pandemic and we all had to social distance and all that, I mean in general too. Do you know how to let someone?" He rubbed his hand over Jude's knee and thigh, taking another few small sips of water. "I'm just looking for a little inside intel in case I do the appalling thing of spread my germs to you. Whatever the hell germ it is. That, and... I want to be able to prioritise you in this relationship, like you're prioritising me. But I think that might be difficult with a nurse sometimes. I hear it can be with doctors and no, I won't spill my source," he added with a smirk.

It was an unexpected question and Jude raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Um... well, it's been a long time. Reecy, probably. In the way I think you mean, that is. I mean, we all got sick on and off when were overseas with Doctors Without Borders and with Evan and I having a bit of an FWB thing over there, we took care of each other over there. But it wasn't like that. More just making sure we had what we needed and shit. I guess I've never thought much about it. It's just been what I've done my whole life with Billy. I think it became even more so when he had cancer and things were pretty terrifying when that happened. It was the first time I ever felt like I might not be able to do enough for him. He had Ajay by then too, so I had to respect those... you know... the relationship boundaries you're talking about here. You get used to looking after yourself but, sure, it was rough when I got sick with covid because it was a terrifying time. Completely healthy people were dying from it. I was watching them die and couldn't help them. But a lot of people were alone with that. It wasn't just me. Even people living under the same roof had to isolate from each other when they got sick." He was trying to read between the lines here because Winston was so gentle in how he navigated conversations. He wasn't pushy at all and Jude enjoyed how he mined information out of people little by little. But there was a tenderness to how it was doing it now. "Are you worried I'm going to be emotionally closed off from you when push comes to shove? After the things that happened in the past? That's valid. I won't be. I mean, not intentionally. Wait, is that why you're bringing it up now, to pre-empt me possibly being like that?"

"Maybe a little bit. Only because I know what you're like metaphorically self-flagellating about what happened with Reecy when it absolutely wasn't only your fault. Mostly, I just want you to know you can talk to me about this stuff. You also don't have to always put on a brave happy face. I think that's one of the trappings of being emotionally closed off from people. People that have been alone or single for a long time begin to learn how to not need other people. I just want you to know it's okay to need me. That's sort of the whole point, right? I just don't think learning to not need other people, doesn't mean we don't still want the--" Winston cut himself off with a sneeze, managing to cup his hands over his nose and mouth just in time. There were another four sneezes that followed it and soon he was having coughing fit when it all irritated his throat. By the time he was done, he definitely felt more cold/flu-y than before and he was shivery to the point his teeth were chattering. He grabbed a little bottle of hand sanitizer from the bedside table they had on the flight over with them and squirted some into his hand. "Shit, I need to drown myself in Lysol or something. I seriously don't want to give you my germs. My head's starting to hurt again. Not really in a migrainey way, though."

Jude stood up and cupped his Winston's face in his hands, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. "Hold that thought, babe. I'm going to start running the bath. It'll warm you up a little, if nothing else. I'll be right back. Stop stressing about germs. I actually have a tough-as-balls immune system and if I get covid for the third time, it'll almost surely be a mild case." He put the box of tissues on the bed beside Winston and handed him the glass of water because he would never not prioritise hydration some a sick person. It took him a couple of minutes to start the bath running, adding a little of the mild natural bubble bath he found on the bathroom shelf. He came back and offered Winston his hands to help him up. "You know, I never thought about things like that before. Learning to not need people. Renz said something similar and I just laughed it off. He told me I'd gotten too used to being single that I'd forgotten that all the tough parts of relationships were worth it. Something along those lines. I was extremely sleep-deprived at the time and offering to babysit Hols so he and Lew could get away for a bit. I guess putting it all back in motion and undoing old habits is easier said than done, so thank you for calling me out on it. I've also gotten used to burying my head in the sand with my feelings."

As soon as Winston was standing again, he immediately regretted it with a soft moan. "Oh, friggin hell. I'm going to need a top-up of my meds before I go anywhere. Do you know where I left my bag with my meds? I was, like, half blind with the lights when I got the last nasal spray out of it last night. This nausea's just not letting up. You're seriously sweet. I'm glad I get to keep you as my nurse." He patted Jude's back and kissed his neck, even if he really wanted it to be his lips. Until they knew what he had gone and picked up, if anything, he was going to avoid being a walking petri dish for his new boyfriend as much as possible. "Renz was always a smart cookie and fuck knows, he's been through enough tough relationship things to be a Yoda on it. But I don't think the undoing has to be a difficult or painful journey. Let's just take it as it comes but remember to keep talking to me. We've done pretty well with that. So, say I wasn't sick and potentially highly contagious right now, what would you want to do together here? The last I was here, it was only for a couple of days when Ree and Ky got married. Didn't have a chance to do anything else before I had to fly home for work."

Jude resumed massaging little circles to Winston's lower back as he steered him back into the bathroom. "You left it on the vanity near the sink. If whatever you've got doesn't do the trick, I'll ask the Campbells if they can suggest somewhere we can get you to see a doctor. Sam might be able to write you a prescription for something a little stronger. Rest is really the best thing, though. You're not going to feel up to doing much but curl up in bed. Reecy's going to have her hands full seeing Justin and being there for him when he gets to see Sash, so there's not a lot you can do to help anyway. Your priority is to focus on resting up and my priority is to give you as much TLC as you need or want. And if you need to do your sick thing like you usually do and just hibernate on your own, you just give me the word and I'll make myself scarce. This is still new, we're figuring out how to be in each other's space, so don't feel like you can't tell me if you want to be on your own. I know you're more a lone wolf than not. I've never dated an introvert before, so you'll have to guide me." He checked the bath to see how full it was and made sure the water wasn't too hot. It was enough to soothe Winston's fever chills without making him burn up even more. It should help with his aches and pains too. "Renz is actually my Obi Wan when it comes to relationship TLC. Before Reece, I didn't have a lot of experience with it. Renz showed me how it's done. I was so stoked for him when he found Lew. If you weren't poorly... hmm... I'd definitely want to give that pool and hot tub downstairs a test drive. Go to the beach. Cruise around Sydney being tourists and do some of the things I've heard Justin and Sash rave about here. I'd love to go for walks on the beach. Never had much of a chance to do that with someone I've been dating before. There's apparently some great day trips from here, so hire a car and try some out? Just chill out together, I guess. Talk to more and get to know each other. But you are poorly, so cuddling in bed and watching movies isn't a crappy consolation prize. I'm happy to sit and relax with a good book while you sleep. I haven't had time to that in literally years. It's been non-stop since I started nursing school."

Winston grabbed his medication bag and took it over to stiffly sit on the rim of the bath, feeling like every joint in his boy was on fire. "So, can I please swap whatever the fuck this is," he gestured halfheartedly to himself, "for everything you just said? Because even just one of those things sounds glorious. You've really given this a lot of thought, huh? That's really sweet. If it's any consolation, I didn't really do any of that with Romeo. He couldn't make Ree and Ky's wedding because of work and... well... that was pretty much a theme in our relationship. Don't get me wrong, he and I didn't end on a bad note or anything. We're still friends and stay in touch but it was just this kinda mutual understanding that it was over and he was headed in one direction while I was happy staying in the place I already was. Just, throughout it when we were together, there wasn't a lot of time to prioritise romance. I can already feel with you that it's naturally a priority for you. That I know for you and Ree, it was a similar situation because everything hit the ground running with Footloose and no one expected it to explode the way it did, or for Justin to take the world by storm. Setting aside the fact I'm sitting here trying not to heave and probably look like I've been dragged through a hedge backwards, as my gran used to say, so it's not the best circumstances to be making this point, but romance is something that's really important to me too."

"Babe, this is not unromantic. This is actually the epitome of romantic. Romance to me has never been the whole picture-perfect ideal of only the good stuff. It's just as much the not-so-good stuff but being there for each other regardless." Jude couldn't help but laugh at Winston's gran's analogy as the bath reached the perfect level and he shut the taps off. Before he had a chance to help Winston hop in, there was a knock at their bedroom door, closely followed by his phone alerting him to another incoming text. He checked his phone and saw that it was from Chance, letting him know he had left the stuff he needed at their door. "That's Chance. He's left the test outside for us. I'll be right back. Best to get it done now so we know one way or another. If it's not covid, we might still need to get you to see a doctor somehow if you've got a fever. Let me take your temp before we get in the bath."

There was a brown paper bag sitting on the ground just outside the door but Chance was nowhere to be seen, so he quickly shot him a thank you text. Best everyone gave them a wide berth for now anyway, in case Winston did test positive. Winston was peeling a couple of the tiny wafers from the medication blister pack when he came back into the bathroom, so he waited until he took them before coming over to him holding up the thermometer and rapid covid test. "As much as I wish I could be feeding you more chocolate-dipped strawberries rather than this, open up, sweetheart." Once the thermometer beeped, he held it to Winston's mouth for him to put under his tongue.

"Are strawberries your favourite fruit? Or better yet, what's your favourite food? May as well still use the time to get to know each other some." Winston accepted the thermometer and then held his hand out for some hand sanitiser when Jude took the bottle from the bag along with a few other supplies Chance had picked up for them. He had done his fair share of covid tests over the time to know the process, having a few near misses but this was the first time he ever had to take one because he had symptoms himself. The others were just from learning he had been near someone who had ultimately tested positive but he knew he was lucky to have dodged the bullet this long. They knew there was a risk with travelling but they had been extra cautious. Just his luck for it to happen when he really didn't need it. He might end up having his D&M chat with Reecy through a screen anyway, when the reason he came over here was so he could talk to her face-to-face. When Jude took the thermomter from his mouth after it beeped, Winston moved on to opening the RAT to check the instructions for the brand they were using. Hopefully, he didn't have a sneezing fit in the middle of shoving the swab up his nose again and nearly stabbing himself in the brain like last time.

Jude shook his head, rubbing his hands together after he grabbed some hand sanitizer too and opened the pack for another RAT. Chance had included a note telling him it was probably better if they both tested, and even tossed in a few spares so if either of them did test positive, they could keep checking during the incubation period to see when they were no longer infectious. He was definitely a doctor, with that medical foresight. "I'm not a massive fan of berries, besides blueberries, just don't mind them slathered in chocolate. My fave fruit is pears and my fave food... I'd have to say roast pumpkin and spinach risotto. Actually, I'm a food slut for any vegetarian risotto. I prefer it to pasta. I've got a bit of a wheat intolerance so I limit it where I can. It's okay in small doses. What about you, babe? Are you sure you're up to chats about food? You're still looking green around the gills. When the thermometer returned a couple of beeps, he checked the screen's reading which had turned red. "Definitely a fever. It's 39.3. That's about 102.7 in Fahrenheit, so whatever the RAT says, it's back to bed for you after we've had a bath. Let's cross everything that it's just a minor bug you can shake in a couple of days."

After doing the test with the swab, Winston finished up following the instruction and grabbed a couple of tissues to wipe his eyes and nose that were both running now from sticking a swab up his nostril. He set the timer on his phone for when to check the result. "Jeez, shit. I haven't accidentally given you anything with wheat to eat, have I? What happens with it? I feel like I should know this. You know what? I've never had a decent risotto. I tried cooking one once and it was an abysmal disaster but I'm far from a gourmet chef at the best of times. My favourite food is chocolate eclair. Or fettuccine carbonara for savoury. Mostly, though, my taste in food is pretty basic... like the rest of me," he added with a weak smirk. He looked at the thermometer as Jude in defeat. "So, what worst-case scenario am I facing here? I kinda like being prepared for the worst before it happens. I promise, I don't expect everything to turn to shit. I just like it to be less of a blow if it does. How long would I need to isolate from Ree?"

"Don't stress, love. It's not an allergy. Just an intolerance. I get an uncomfortable pain in my stomach and it gives me a bit of a weird rash sometimes. I'd be happy to make a risotto for you once you're feeling better and up to a proper meal. Also? I beg to differ on the you being basic part. There's nothing about you I see as basic. Maybe kinda traditional with some things but even then, not really. You're one of the most open-minded, chilled, and amiable people I've ever met. I can't explain it. You just have a really captivating vibe and other than when you haven't been feeling well and I'm worrying about you, I haven't felt stressed at all when we've been together. Anxious about getting things right in jumping back into dating but not stressed." Jude quickly took his own test, pretty much an expert on it by now with how many he had taken since the world fell into covid times. He offered Winston his hand. "Let me help you into the bath. You can sit in front of me, if you like. I'll give your shoulders a rub. If it's covid, it depends on the strain with how hard you might be hit but I'd say anticipate it being like a bad flu for a few days. You'll probably feel a bit miserable and uncomfortable through the peak infectious period. Isolation period is generally five days after you test positive but I'd say it's best to go with seven and wait until you no longer have symptoms. It's gonna be okay, love. Whatever it is, we'll weather it and then we can have some quality time together and you can talk to Reece as much as you need."

Winston noticed how much his knees and back were aching when he stepped into the bath with Jude's help and he wasn't generally an achy sort of person, save for his head with the migraines. He definitely had some sort of bug, which pissed him off for the timing alone. He sat down in the warm water, leaning forward to give Jude room to fit behind him because a shoulder rub sounded frankly heavenly. Once they were in a comfortable spot, Winston melted back against Jude, hugging Jude's arms to his chest when they easily encircled him in a gentle cuddle. He sighed deeply, closing his eyes. "This feels really freaking nice, you know. Not just the warm water and the bath. This, with us. The closeness. Haven't done anything like this with anyone in ages. Would be better if I wasn't feeling ill but even with that, still feels good." He ran his fingertips softly back and forth over the backs of Jude's hands. "You can stop being anxious about getting it right, babe. You're nailing it. On all levels. There's something I feel like I should talk to you about, though. Don't stress out at me saying that. It's just a dialogue I know I respectfully need to open with you earlier rather than later. Nothing's static or a foregone conclusion but because you and Ree had twins on the way together in the past, I didn't want to assume anything about the things you hope for in life. You should know, though, I've... um... well, I've never really wanted kids. Or ever seen myself as having them. Are kids something you've always seen in your future?"

Jude didn't expect this twist in conversation but once it was out there, he understood why Winston was going there. It was one of those Big Important Subjects you really should cover sooner rather than later in relationships. Plus, Jude's said ex was now currently expecting with her husband, when once upon a time, Jude had planned for that to be their future. Even if Winston wasn't feeling well, he respected that Winston had the balls to be straightforward with the important things. The Big Important Subjects didn't intimidate him. That said a hell of a lot about Winston as a person. "No, it's never really been a foregone conclusion for me. I was happy and excited when it was a possibility but then it stopped being so as soon as it started. But it definitely wasn't planned, as you know. Before it happened, I never got to the point of thinking about whether I wanted it or not. And honestly, I've not really thought about it since, either. My focus shifted back to finishing college and making the decision to go onto a Masters. Nursing makes me really happy. That feels like where I belong and I hope I'm there until the end of my days. I haven't really decided anything else about what I want in my future, beyond love. It doesn't feel like a big deal that you don't want kids and I assume it would've once you said it if it had been. I'm happy being a godfather. Hols is the world to me. But I don't think I've ever looked at Renz and felt like I wanted to be a dad too." He reached over and picked up Winston's RAT cassette to check the result, then held it in front of him to see too. "Sorry, babe, you've got the 'rona."

"If it was something you just thought would be a given some day in the distant future, would you tell me?" Winston asked, not intending to drive deeper on some of these things. It was just part of who he was, not just as a writer and researcher, but a person who spent a lot of his time thinking. About anything. About Everything. It was probably better Jude knew that about him sooner rather than later because it wasn't always an easy thing to live with. He knew that because Reecy had told him as much many times throughout their friendship, usually when she wasn't in the mood to answer any of his curly questions. He didn't think in multiple different directions to be a pain in the ass, he just always had this deep-seated desire to understand things. Or at least be able to see things he didn't understand from other perspectives. In a relationship, he needed to be able to have the types of conversations he could get lost in sometimes and to not be afraid to talk about the difficult stuff. "Sorry, I don't want you to feel like I'm interrogating you. That's not what this is. That's never what it is. I just want to get to know what makes you tick. The things you want or don't want. All that stuff. Not all at once, though. Just as we get there, whenever that is. Oh, are you fucking kidding me? What the fuck? Shitting fucking bastard cunt of a bloody fucking slimy anus virus! Why the hell am I sick now? I went the whole fucking pandemic dodging this shitting fuckface virus and it has to happen now? Ow, it hurts to swear, godfuckingdamnit. I don't feel good," he added with a soft moan, pressing his fingers against his eyes when his head reminded him it wasn't done aching.

Jude was going to answer Winston's question but he let him have his burst of frustration cussing because it was more than warranted. "It's absolute ass, babe, I'll give you that. You're entitled to be pissed off. But you just need to feel like shit for a few days and you'll get through it. Don't overtax yourself getting too fucked off though because that's definitely one thing it will wipe quicker than anything, your energy levels. You're going to feel sore and achy but fatigue is one of the biggest symptoms. So, will you let me get my nurse on and take care of you?" Reecy's words about Winston usually just hibernating alone when he was unwell were still in Jude's mind, he didn't want to assume Winston wanted help. He might really not want Jude near him feeling at his worst. This would probably be one of the first tests of their relationship. He pumped some shower gel into his palm and used the lather to start softly and gently rubbing Winston's shoulders and neck. "I didn't think you were interrogating me, though. Not at all. You have a right to know these things. I like that we can talk about them. I would've told you. Kids were only ever on my radar when I thought we had two on the way. Before that, definitely not. And after? I'd say the fact I haven't really thought about it says it all. I just don't think marriage and kids are for everyone. Not everyone wants it. I'm on the train that should 1000% be normalised."

"Okay, now I know I'm actually legit unwell, can I admit that I can't remember the last time I felt this rough? And that's including migraines and drinking embarrassingly little yet still getting shamefully sloshed on our first date with the subsequent hangover? I feel like everything hurts, even my balls, and I feel like I haven't slept in a month, not having just woken up after crashing for almost a full day. I'm sorry, I don't mean to whine. It's just been an exhausting few days and now I can't even do what the whole purpose of the trip was for. Ohhh, shit... that feels really nice. Please don't stop." Winston rested his head back on Jude's shoulders, using it as a pillow. Even his head felt too heavy to hold up. "In that case, I might need to pick your brains about being a godfather because I have no idea what to do or what it even involves. Or an uncle. Ree insists that even if we're not blood-related, I'll still be the baby's uncle. My experience with babies or kids is basically zero. It's slightly terrifying. Lorenzo's always said you nailed the brief with Holly, and then some. Being with her really doesn't make you want your own? I don't understand that desire, to be honest. Even if I thought a lot about the future in regards to romance and marriage, it never expanded to wanting kids. Then again, Ree was like that once upon a time too. She always swore it wasn't for her." A tickle in his throat made him start to cough and soon he stuck in an intense coughing fit where he was struggling to catch his breath and, with Jude's help, had to sit forward again when it felt like he couldn't get in enough air in to curtail it.

Jude rubbed Winston's back through the coughing fit, waiting for him to catch his breath. Once he did, he offered him the glass of water. "You okay, sweetheart? The cough will probably get worse before it gets better. You're not whining, you're lamenting to the person you're in a relationship that you feel ill because you are ill. Some people only get very mild symptoms and sure, the world is healing, but it can still be a nasty virus for some. It can make you feel pretty crap for a bit. Just let it run its course. Reecy will still be here when you're feeling better and you're back to testing negative." Winston's muscles felt a little knotty with tension so he made sure to work them gently. He didn't want to make his aches and pains worse. "Being a godfather is getting all the fun parts of kids but still being able to give them back at the end of the day. Don't be terrified, they're just little people, really. Babies are loud and messy, sure, but once you get the basic skills of taking care of the, they're a breeze. Wanting or not wanting kids isn't always a static thing for people. Our wants and desires can change. But I do really believe some people just don't want or need that to be a part of their life. And it is for life. Not to mention stressful. It changes everything, so it's not surprising some people just don't have it on their radar. I think you'd be incredible with children if you needed to be but I can also see that it's not something that feels natural to you. Don't worry, it's a learn on the job assignment. Your godson or goddaughter are going to adore you and vice versa. It will happen. Trust me."

Winston's eyes were watering and his nose was like a tap by the time he caught his breath with the coughing. He had a drink of the water to soothe his throat and was amazed to spot Jude had even thought to put a box of tissues in reach. Not amazed that Jude was so attentive or that he knew what to think of second nature as a nurse. It was because he was really feeling amazed they had this chance together. Winston was an introvert, sure, and preferred the company of small select groups than hoards of people trying to make small talk with but he wasn't self-deprecating or anything like that. He was shy and definitely had his awkward moments interacting with people but when it came to dating, he was okay being single because he didn't mind being alone. He didn't get lonely. So, when he dated, he needed a deeper connection and the closer he and Jude got, he was beginning to wonder if perhaps, it was one of the closest connections he had ever had with someone, save only for Reecy. It didn't feel awkward and Winston didn't have those early day dating feelings of pressure to force conversation or keep it going like he could at the start of relationships. Jude felt familiar and comfortable, and he knew that couldn't all be put down to the fact he used to date Reecy. That definitely helped because it removed the awkwardness of getting to know each other. But here, Winston was feeling really unwell by this point and he knew he looked like something that should live under a rock or in a cave but he was okay being weak with Jude and needing his help. He took some tissues when Jude offered the box after the water, wiping his eyes and then blowing his nose gently so he didn't start coughing again. "My head's hurting again. Just not like migraine pain. More like, it feels like my head is burning from the inside out. I'm aching all over. It doesn't feel all that different to the flu. I don't know why I thought it would be a lot different. Oh fuck, your hands are glorious. Please don't stop whatever you're doing back there. Hopefully I can get back to saying that accompanied by a wink soon. I really am sorry this is the start of our holiday."

He hung his head forward and closed his eyes, really sinking into how much Jude rubbing his shoulders and neck was helping. "What fun parts? Don't kids just do a whole lot of screaming, crying, snotting, pooing, puking, and running? I realise I am not exactly one to judge on a majority of that list right now but I don't know how to change diapers. I don't even know how to talk to kids. I haven't interacted with a lot of them. See, I'm pretty sure I'm one of those people. The not needing kids thing. The never even feeling a slight urge to procreate thing. The really not seeing my life as unfulfilled without them. Weren't you pretty devastated when Ree miscarried the twins? You were planning on settling down with her long-term. I guess the thing I'm worried about is if you'd be forgoing something you'd like to fulfil your life if we wanted to do this long-term. I don't want to form the basis for anyone's big regrets in life. That's too much to ask of someone. Sorry, apparently I get deep when I get the 'rona."

Jude waited until Winston caught his breath again, definitely planning on getting Chance to come check Winston's chest if he could. It was sounding less and less like a dry tickling cough now. He resumed the massage once the coughing bout had passed. "Headache is a pretty common covid hallmark symptom, unfortunately, honey. We'll try and make sure it doesn't turn back into another migraine. If you're too hot, we can hop out any time you like. Hey, diapers are a breeze after you've done it a couple of times. It's usually just what's in them that can be challenging sometimes. This'll be Reecy's bub, so you're going to be an amazing Uncle Winston and I think you'll love it. The fun parts are really that they're just little people who like to do a lot of fun things adults don't get away with once we grow up. I work with kids all the time and have an active role in Holly's life but that's satisfying for me. It might be hard to fathom because I was on board when I thought I was going to be a dad but I wasn't ready. It wasn't been a lot of adapting. Being a dad isn't something I've had as a voluntary goal. I like my down time and peace. I'm happy to be a doctor and a godfather, but having a kid-free life to go back to as well. Believe it or not, I never had the urge to procreate either. It was definitely an accident for both of us." He laughed softly and shook his head. "Is there anything specific I could say to convince you I'm not just paying you lipservice here? You could quiz Renz. He'll definitely confirm the whole domestic baby daddy thing wasn't on my agenda. I was clueless when Hols was born. Don't get me wrong, I'm all over domestic romance and settling down with a partner, but kids were never part of the equation. Let me just say, though, you're not going to be a big regret in my life. I want this to go the distance. If I felt like you not being paternal or wanting kids was a deal breaker, I'd tell you."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"We've been doing all this late night talking, 'Bout anything you want until the morning."

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