"We've been doing all this late night talking, 'Bout anything you want until the morning."

[underyourskin]

Who: Jude Willis and Winston Slater
What: "Now you're in my life, I can't get you off my mind"
Where: Sydney, Australia
When: After this

Despite the heartbreaking mess that had them all converging in Sydney, Jude felt surreally content after his lengthy unexpected deep-and-meaningful chat with Reecy. Since Jude had returned to New York following his stint overseas with Doctors Without Borders, he and Reecy had resumed a friendship he truly valued because he always thought she was so wise and compassionate, he highly respected her not just as a person, but as a successful woman who always had the backs of the people she loved, no questions asked. He was glad he got to still call himself one of them after everything went so wrong with their romantic relationship which ultimately was mostly down to being incompatible, at the end of the day. And all that now led him to this very new, but very exciting, romance with her BFF (or as Reecy called him, her BFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF x infinity), Winston. The chat gave him so much food for thought, especially about Jude's insecurities of putting his heart on the line again and how much he wanted all this to work out, but especially in a sense of not repeating past errors with Winston that ended his relationship with Reecy.

It was the very early hours of the morning when he tiptoed back to the bed he was sharing with Winston here at the investment beachhouse on Sydney Harbour owned by Justin and Sasha. It was sprawling and luxurious enough that also staying there with them was Kyan and Reecy, Trey and Ash, Arian and Chance, with bedrooms still leftover. Winston had been battling another bad migraine triggered by the long-haul flight from New York and it had yet again knocked him. Jude was learning how Winston managed his chronic migraine condition and what he needed when one took him down. Winston was still out for the count when Jude went back to bed.

He crashed out for a few hours himself before he was woken by the urge to take a leak. This time, when he padded back into the bedroom from the attached ensuite bathroom, sliding back into bed to spoon Winston and snuggle into his back, Winston shifted with a muffled mostly-still-asleep hum of recognition. Jude tucked his arm more snugly around Winston's waist. "You're awake," he murmured, kissing Winston's back. "It's okay, babe. Go back to sleep. Nothing to get up for. Just rest."

Comments

[underyourskin]

Jude was going to answer Winston's question but he let him have his burst of frustration cussing because it was more than warranted. "It's absolute ass, babe, I'll give you that. You're entitled to be pissed off. But you just need to feel like shit for a few days and you'll get through it. Don't overtax yourself getting too fucked off though because that's definitely one thing it will wipe quicker than anything, your energy levels. You're going to feel sore and achy but fatigue is one of the biggest symptoms. So, will you let me get my nurse on and take care of you?" Reecy's words about Winston usually just hibernating alone when he was unwell were still in Jude's mind, he didn't want to assume Winston wanted help. He might really not want Jude near him feeling at his worst. This would probably be one of the first tests of their relationship. He pumped some shower gel into his palm and used the lather to start softly and gently rubbing Winston's shoulders and neck. "I didn't think you were interrogating me, though. Not at all. You have a right to know these things. I like that we can talk about them. I would've told you. Kids were only ever on my radar when I thought we had two on the way. Before that, definitely not. And after? I'd say the fact I haven't really thought about it says it all. I just don't think marriage and kids are for everyone. Not everyone wants it. I'm on the train that should 1000% be normalised."

[writeyourownending]

"Okay, now I know I'm actually legit unwell, can I admit that I can't remember the last time I felt this rough? And that's including migraines and drinking embarrassingly little yet still getting shamefully sloshed on our first date with the subsequent hangover? I feel like everything hurts, even my balls, and I feel like I haven't slept in a month, not having just woken up after crashing for almost a full day. I'm sorry, I don't mean to whine. It's just been an exhausting few days and now I can't even do what the whole purpose of the trip was for. Ohhh, shit... that feels really nice. Please don't stop." Winston rested his head back on Jude's shoulders, using it as a pillow. Even his head felt too heavy to hold up. "In that case, I might need to pick your brains about being a godfather because I have no idea what to do or what it even involves. Or an uncle. Ree insists that even if we're not blood-related, I'll still be the baby's uncle. My experience with babies or kids is basically zero. It's slightly terrifying. Lorenzo's always said you nailed the brief with Holly, and then some. Being with her really doesn't make you want your own? I don't understand that desire, to be honest. Even if I thought a lot about the future in regards to romance and marriage, it never expanded to wanting kids. Then again, Ree was like that once upon a time too. She always swore it wasn't for her." A tickle in his throat made him start to cough and soon he stuck in an intense coughing fit where he was struggling to catch his breath and, with Jude's help, had to sit forward again when it felt like he couldn't get in enough air in to curtail it.

[underyourskin]

Jude rubbed Winston's back through the coughing fit, waiting for him to catch his breath. Once he did, he offered him the glass of water. "You okay, sweetheart? The cough will probably get worse before it gets better. You're not whining, you're lamenting to the person you're in a relationship that you feel ill because you are ill. Some people only get very mild symptoms and sure, the world is healing, but it can still be a nasty virus for some. It can make you feel pretty crap for a bit. Just let it run its course. Reecy will still be here when you're feeling better and you're back to testing negative." Winston's muscles felt a little knotty with tension so he made sure to work them gently. He didn't want to make his aches and pains worse. "Being a godfather is getting all the fun parts of kids but still being able to give them back at the end of the day. Don't be terrified, they're just little people, really. Babies are loud and messy, sure, but once you get the basic skills of taking care of the, they're a breeze. Wanting or not wanting kids isn't always a static thing for people. Our wants and desires can change. But I do really believe some people just don't want or need that to be a part of their life. And it is for life. Not to mention stressful. It changes everything, so it's not surprising some people just don't have it on their radar. I think you'd be incredible with children if you needed to be but I can also see that it's not something that feels natural to you. Don't worry, it's a learn on the job assignment. Your godson or goddaughter are going to adore you and vice versa. It will happen. Trust me."

[writeyourownending]

Winston's eyes were watering and his nose was like a tap by the time he caught his breath with the coughing. He had a drink of the water to soothe his throat and was amazed to spot Jude had even thought to put a box of tissues in reach. Not amazed that Jude was so attentive or that he knew what to think of second nature as a nurse. It was because he was really feeling amazed they had this chance together. Winston was an introvert, sure, and preferred the company of small select groups than hoards of people trying to make small talk with but he wasn't self-deprecating or anything like that. He was shy and definitely had his awkward moments interacting with people but when it came to dating, he was okay being single because he didn't mind being alone. He didn't get lonely. So, when he dated, he needed a deeper connection and the closer he and Jude got, he was beginning to wonder if perhaps, it was one of the closest connections he had ever had with someone, save only for Reecy. It didn't feel awkward and Winston didn't have those early day dating feelings of pressure to force conversation or keep it going like he could at the start of relationships. Jude felt familiar and comfortable, and he knew that couldn't all be put down to the fact he used to date Reecy. That definitely helped because it removed the awkwardness of getting to know each other. But here, Winston was feeling really unwell by this point and he knew he looked like something that should live under a rock or in a cave but he was okay being weak with Jude and needing his help. He took some tissues when Jude offered the box after the water, wiping his eyes and then blowing his nose gently so he didn't start coughing again. "My head's hurting again. Just not like migraine pain. More like, it feels like my head is burning from the inside out. I'm aching all over. It doesn't feel all that different to the flu. I don't know why I thought it would be a lot different. Oh fuck, your hands are glorious. Please don't stop whatever you're doing back there. Hopefully I can get back to saying that accompanied by a wink soon. I really am sorry this is the start of our holiday."

He hung his head forward and closed his eyes, really sinking into how much Jude rubbing his shoulders and neck was helping. "What fun parts? Don't kids just do a whole lot of screaming, crying, snotting, pooing, puking, and running? I realise I am not exactly one to judge on a majority of that list right now but I don't know how to change diapers. I don't even know how to talk to kids. I haven't interacted with a lot of them. See, I'm pretty sure I'm one of those people. The not needing kids thing. The never even feeling a slight urge to procreate thing. The really not seeing my life as unfulfilled without them. Weren't you pretty devastated when Ree miscarried the twins? You were planning on settling down with her long-term. I guess the thing I'm worried about is if you'd be forgoing something you'd like to fulfil your life if we wanted to do this long-term. I don't want to form the basis for anyone's big regrets in life. That's too much to ask of someone. Sorry, apparently I get deep when I get the 'rona."

[underyourskin]

Jude waited until Winston caught his breath again, definitely planning on getting Chance to come check Winston's chest if he could. It was sounding less and less like a dry tickling cough now. He resumed the massage once the coughing bout had passed. "Headache is a pretty common covid hallmark symptom, unfortunately, honey. We'll try and make sure it doesn't turn back into another migraine. If you're too hot, we can hop out any time you like. Hey, diapers are a breeze after you've done it a couple of times. It's usually just what's in them that can be challenging sometimes. This'll be Reecy's bub, so you're going to be an amazing Uncle Winston and I think you'll love it. The fun parts are really that they're just little people who like to do a lot of fun things adults don't get away with once we grow up. I work with kids all the time and have an active role in Holly's life but that's satisfying for me. It might be hard to fathom because I was on board when I thought I was going to be a dad but I wasn't ready. It wasn't been a lot of adapting. Being a dad isn't something I've had as a voluntary goal. I like my down time and peace. I'm happy to be a doctor and a godfather, but having a kid-free life to go back to as well. Believe it or not, I never had the urge to procreate either. It was definitely an accident for both of us." He laughed softly and shook his head. "Is there anything specific I could say to convince you I'm not just paying you lipservice here? You could quiz Renz. He'll definitely confirm the whole domestic baby daddy thing wasn't on my agenda. I was clueless when Hols was born. Don't get me wrong, I'm all over domestic romance and settling down with a partner, but kids were never part of the equation. Let me just say, though, you're not going to be a big regret in my life. I want this to go the distance. If I felt like you not being paternal or wanting kids was a deal breaker, I'd tell you."