dreamlikenewyork | "At least we got good friends giving me great times."

"At least we got good friends giving me great times."

Who: Justin Campbell and Amarlie-Rose Satori with anyone else who wants to jump in
What: Overdue Squad Chillout
Where: Casa de Campbell, Upper East Side
When: Weekend Sleepover

It had been way too long since their squad had a decent hangout. There had been the holidays and a bunch of family shit going on - not to mention Justin discovering he had a long-lost biological birth mother out there who loved him - that time just got away and they hadn't had a chance to get together as a group. Those of them that lived at Casa de Campbell decided this weekend was it, and PJs and hot chocolate were a much, considering they were expecting snow. It was the shitty weather that had them deciding a sleepover would be fun. There was plenty of room and it would give them the chance to hang out and have fun, especially with Justin's tour due to kick off in a few weeks where he and a lot of his friends who worked with him would be on the road soon.

Dressed in his fluffy rainbow onesie PJs, Justin grabbed a Krispy Kreme donut and a can of Diet Dr Pepper and leapt over the back of the couch, dropping in the spot right up next to his sister, Amarlie, giving her a mischievous grin. "So - how about them vajayjays?" he asked pointedly, licking some donut glaze off his pinkie finger.

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Amarlie had spent Christmas in San Francisco with her parents and flew back to New York with Asher, Zenith, and Blaize for New Year. The four of them would spend some time here and there with Justin on tour but only to visit as they were in college, so they all wanted to hang out before a good portion of their squad were away on the road. Amarlie had the added incredible benefit of scoring a design internship with Austin Shaw, who had know Justin since he came to New York and Justin asked to design his entire tour fashion ensemble. Not only was Austin an hilarious sassy gay bitch but he was super talented in fashion design and it meant Amarlie got to work on her brother's outfits for his sellout rockstar breakout tour. But that Justin would be very different to the one they all got as a brother, fiancé, BFF, or friend. He didn't have to wear masks or put up airs and graces for any of them. He could relax and be himself. She got a fright when he was suddenly landing beside her out of nowhere but then he had to go and say that and she flushed a bright red. "Oh my god, she told you..." She put her hands over her face with her brother's blatant callout of her New Year's twist of fate.

"Girl was trashed. She told me, like, five minutes after it happened. I've just been waiting for you to tell me... your adoring little brother. I don't scare you that much, do I? Unless you're ashamed or regret it? Regret, I get. Ashamed of nailing Layla? She's amazing! So, spill, sis. Or I'm going to sit here and obnoxious sing Britney Spears and Taylor Swift's most annoying songs over and over until you either puke or tell me everything. And you have to talk to me because I'm going on tour in a couple of weeks and we'll hardly see each other." Justin took a bite of his donut, leaving his no sugar rule at the door for their PJ chillout night. He hadn't had a donut in months. He was happy to wait however long it took for Amarlie to talk, too. From where he was sitting, he had a prime view of Sash's butt across the room where he was leaning over Tori's shoulder laughing at something Tori was showing him on his phone.

Will was a little late to arrive at the squad chillout because he had been helping Luke with some odd jobs in the bar. Will's nephew, Milo, had been sick with a cold all week and because he was a special needs kid, Luke had been up with him most nights and was wiped out. Will didn't mind helping out when he could. Zeke had been away in Massachusets visiting his parents, so Will had spare time anyway. Zeke was coming back to where he lived with his aunt, uncle, and cousins on a farm in NJ and would be arriving with Shannon and Fin soon. As soon as Will spotted an opening to intercept Layla heading for the pile of junkfood on the coffee table, he grabbed her hand and pulled her over to sit with him on one of the giant beanbags. "So, I've had both Justin and Sash tell me that I really needed to talk to you and now I'm worried I've missed something important. Are you okay? Have I been a cunt of a friend again? Should I be scared...?" He offered her an open packet of M&Ms, her favourite.

After Tori finished showing Sasha some photos of a recent visit with his cousins (who Sash knew growing up) in MA, Sasha wandered over to Cassidy was sitting at the karaoke system, scrolling the song options, giving her a hug from behind and a kiss on the cheek. Then he sat down beside her, shooting her a grin. "You getting nervous-terrified about the tour yet? I keep waiting for Jus to start breaking out into panic attacks at any minute but he's owning it. I think I'm more terrified than he is. Literally every living member of my family have tickets to at least one of the shows. Probably the non-living will find a way to get there too, just to freak me out even more."

There Layla was hoping Justin and Sasha would have been way too busy to take on her alcohol-fueled error of judgement at New Year. And considering she hadn't seen Amarlie at all since that night - no texts even passing between them - she definitely chalked it up to just that. She threw herself back into college and buried her head in the sand about basically everything for a few weeks. She wasn't even sure if she was still going on the tour. That had been the original plan when Maryanne was still here and going to be one of Justin's backup singers. Now Autumn had stepped into that role and Layla had no idea where she fit in the squad anymore. Added to that was now wanting to interlope on Will's relationship with Zeke because Zeke was still having chemotherapy and was up and down with how he was feeling. Now Will was there and they were snuggled up together on the beanbag and her eyebrows shot up in surprise hearing what he said. "I, uh..." Her eyes darted from Sasha, to Justin, then briefly to Amarlie, who was sitting with Justin across the room. "No, no. I really don't think it's anything you need to worry about. It's totally not you. They're, uh... talking about something I did. I just didn't want to bother you with Zeke and all."

"Don't give me those baby brother eyes, bitch." Amarlie gave him an soft affectionate nudge with her elbow and took his donut off him, helping herself to a bite before giving it back to him. Even if things had been weird and strained with Justin in the first period of time she came to New York to find Gen, her birth mother, the eventually vibed with awesome brotherly-sisterly energy and were not as close as if they had grow up together. Justin was a riot and she adored him. Not to mention how proud she was of him doing all he did despite how ill he was on up and down in his cycles. "It's not any of that. Not even close. I'm just confused about what I'm feeling. If anything, I feel guilty. Like, she had barely broken up with Maryanne. I'm just... confused, Jus. How many people know?"

"In a nutshell? I don't feel like I'm good enough to be doing this with him. Don't get me wrong, I know I've had a lot of Broadway training now and I've convinced myself I can do that, but his tour? Dancing on stage with him in a front of a sellout tour? Well... let's just say he has someone on standby if I can't do it when push comes to shove. What about you? You have demon stage fright. If you've got any tips, throw them at me!" Cassidy slipped her arm around Sash's waist and cuddled up to him. Fuck, there wasn't a day that went by that she wasn't lucky to have this group of people as her BFFs. They were everything to her and she knew what a privilege it was for Justin to want to include her in his tour. But her own insecurities and mental health might ultimately get in the way, but that was something Justin understood. "How is he away from everything? Nervous a s fuck, I bet."

Layla was skittish and it wasn't like her. She was usually a bubbly, kind, beautiful girl but confident in herself. "What you just said isn't really reassuring me that something hasn't happed to you, Lays. Is it something with Maryanne? Oh, shit, have you decided to move to Aus after all? I..." It that was going to happen, it would be beyond hard. They had their friendship back to what it used to be and when she went to Australia on exchange for a year last time - where Maryanne was part of her host family and helped her realise she was a lesbian - and he would be crushed if she was going to move away permanently. Not having Layla to ground him back when he lost Justin was part of the reason he screwed up so badly. She would've blatantly stopped him from throwing everything away. "Bother me? Jeez... no, none of this is like that. Zeke would never want me to not be there for you or my other friends because I help him out on his bad days. He's doing pretty well right now."

Shannon, Zeke, and Fin were running a little late to the PJ party because he had a hydrotherapy appointment and his dad was going to drive them all into the city for them to stay the night at Casa de Campbell. In the time he got home from the physiotherpy clinic and they were ready to leave, snow had started falling and it slowed their trip down a little more. He was fucking freezing by the time they arrived and was glad to get into the cosy warm home. Everyone was in their winter PJs and there were piles of pillows and blankets all around Justin's rec/music room along with junkfood piled up on the coffee table. Shannon had been looking forward to this all week. The tour was coming so close and he and Fin were both part of Justin's backup band, Violet Rainbows. They would also get to play with Damien, Justin's supporting act. Shannon had never been this excited in his life and it was way cool to get to chill with his friends with the tour only a few weeks out from starting. He unwound his scarf and took his gloves off, tossing them onto the floor by the sofa. "Help me outta my chair, babe?" he asked Fin. "Zeke, you okay, dude? Sure you're up for this?"

Justin pressed his lips together and gave her a tiny nudge back. "That's why you should talk to someone about it. I'm not saying it has to be me. I won't be upset if you want to talk to someone else, but you should talk to someone. Even then, you might not have the answers or feel less confused, but you won't feel so alone like you have to pull away from everyone just because we were all friends with Maryanne. Sash and I haven't told anyone and Layla only told us right after it happened when she was drunk. I doubt many people know. Do you not want them to? Listen, Mars, you know it's okay if you still decide you're straight. People experiment and booze makes us do or feels things we might not in general. You don't have to feel guilty. It was consensual and she and Maryanne were over."

Fin hit the brakes on Shannon's chair and after leaning over his shoulder to give him a kiss, he helped him manouvere from the wheelchair onto the sofa. He had an ergonomic wheelchair with memory foam seat but if he could sit in a normal chair, he always preferred that. They were already in their PJs from when they took a shower before heading out again. Fin went to a lot of Shannon's hydro pool visits and helped him out with his therapy. It had been awesome when his therapist showed him little ways he could help, especially the days Shannon had a lot of pain. "How awesome is this place after being out there in a snow for a bit? It was really starting to come down." He grabbed one of the blankets to tuck around Shannon's knees. Fin was SO pumped be the drummer on Justin's backup band for his tour. They did plenty of gigs with or without him since they formed as part of the Shades of Violet and Shades of Rainbow charities but this was a whole new level of epic, especially considering every show was a sellout and Justin had created an amazing show with plenty of surprises and sets that showcased his diverse talent. "Y'all want anything?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'll be fine," Zeke murmured, gingerly lowering himself onto the spot beside Shannon. He wanted to be there that night but his treatment this week had wiped him out. He had slept since he got home from hospital the day before and he hoped he was feeling better for tonight. But when his aunty woke up to get ready to come, it was difficult to fight the fatigue and get going. He just didn't want to miss out because a lot of his friends would head away on tour with Justin soon and it would be awhile before they could all hang out together again. Today wasn't one of those days he could try to pretend he didn't have cancer. "Can you see if they've got, like, Fresca or ginger ale or something, dude? Sorry, I don't have the energy to go look myself."

Sasha smiled and shook his head. "You won't need it. You'll be pumped when it happens and there's be that adrenaline high once you realise you can. If Jus can do it, you can. He had to learn all this too, remember? Maybe he looks like he has always been able to just step on a stage and own it but all his early stuff, it was him dissociating. So, don't be hard on yourself and remember you're there because you can do it." He laughed and scratched his temple with the tip of his finger. "Ohhhh, you don't want tips from me. My anxiety has a life of its own. I don't know if I'll manage it. You know he's not banking on me either. He's nervous but I think everything with his mom has been a good distraction. It's grounded him. He's in his element, though. The fact he loves what he does overshadows the nerves."

Amarlie ruffled Justin's hair and didn't bother to smooth it back down for him. "It's not that I didn't want to talk to you about it. I did. But you've had your hands way, way full. I was waiting for the right moment but your tour gets closer every day, so there's probably no right moments. All your moments are filled. Which is exciting! My curiosity, guilt, confusion... whatever... was just poorly timed." She sighed and gave Justin a look, pressing her lips together. "I don't think I'm enitrely straight. That's as far as I've gotten. Yes. Yes, it was consensual but... how do I get further than that? How am I supposed to figure out what I am? How did you figure it out? I was going to talk to the boys about it but I didn't even know how to get the conversation rolling."

Cassidy gave Sasha's waist a little squeeze. "I love you and your beautiful ability to say all the right things. I can see why he so easily fell in love with you. It's so freaking huge and incredible, I wish we could just tell our brains to shut the fuck up and not get involved. I know you're proud of him but I also know your anxiety definitely is a demon. Are you worried he's going to be okay or that he's taking on too much? I really don't know if it's all going to feel real until it's happening. Still feels like it's someone else's life."

It had been AGES since Kip had hung out with any of the squad, so Skylar was surprised to see he came to the PJ chillout. When he noticed Kip looked awkward, lingering against a wall nursing a root bear, probably feeling out of place, he decide to go over to him and break the ice. It was just an added bonus that the guy was hot and Sky had been horny ever since he and Cooper broke up when Cooper moved back to Australia to follow in his dad's footsteps and join the military over there. It couldn't hurt to try to hit on Kip, would it? The guy was Shannon's BFF. He wondered if he should first ask Shannon if Kip was okay. Maybe that's why he hadn't been around much, he'd been going through something. He went over to him and leaned up against the wall beside him. "Long time no see, bud. You okay? Haven't seen you in ages. You didn't even make Merlin's wedding. I think you were one of the only ones in our tribe who couldn't."

The last couple of weeks, Ainsley had only seen his boyfriend a handful of times. Harry was one of the principal dancers of Justin's backup dancers for the tour and once Justin got back to work, he hit the ground running with rehearsals and training. Ainsley had no idea how much work went into a performer's tour. It was like constructing a military operation. It was a massive deal and Ainsley was so proud of Harry. But he missed him so much and he had been bursting with excitement at work all day about hanging with his squad tonight. Harry had been coming straight from rehearsals with Justin and Sash. As soon as Ainsley arrived and spotted Haz looking smoking hot in a unicorn onesie, Ainsley pounced on him and they tumbled onto the nearby sofa, locked in a hungry kiss.

Shannon put his hand on Zeke's back, giving it a gentle rub. "You didn't have to come, Z. Do you wanna lie down here? No one will mind. They all know what you're dealing with. You can rest and still hang out then. Do you feel sick or just wiped out? Mom wasn't sure if she should even wake you. Don't worry, we'll get you whatever you need. Can you see if there's any straw too, babe? It's better for him to sip soda," he asked Fin, pulling his boyfriend down to him for a brief kiss. "Just a Coke for me. Thanks, sexy."

Layla rested her tongue between her lips and fiddled nervously with the tie on her PJ pants. She leaned close to Will. "I had sex with Amarlie. At the New Year Party. Only, I think she might still be straight because she hasn't said anything to me since. We were both pretty drunk and I just... I spilled everything to Jus and Sash because I ran into them after it happened. I promise, I would've told you! But you had already gone home with Zeke by then. I wasn't thinking straight... pardon the pun. Like, nothing I do is straight anymore. I love boobs and girl butts. And Amarlie has it all. I have the worst crush on her now but I'm scared to talk to her in case it was all just bi-curiousity or a drunk mistake. Don't worry, I'm aware this is kinda like what happened to you and Jus when you first met him. You were pretty convinced he was straight when you first made out with him when he was trashed at that party."

Justin focused on his donut for a moment while he listened to Amarlie stream-of-thought her way through this a little He got that. It's apparently how he worked through things when he felt like talking, though he never realised he was doing it at the time. "My hands are never too full for my family. Ever. That's not even a thing. I wouldn't be breaking out into the recording industry if it was. I mean, are you ready for this, sis? Ready to analyse this and soul-search yourself. It's okay if you're not. That's something you can do on your own schedule. Your sexuality is your business and you can deal with it how you need." He had a mouthful of his Dr Pepper, washing the donut down. "How did I know? Hmm... I get asked that a lot. Seeing as you're being honest with me here, I can tell you this... I spent a few years at least thinking the abuse made me gay. That it was because... just... it's all I knew. I waited to be attracted to girls. I let grown-assed chicks do whatever they wanted to me to try to turn on my straightness. I only felt truly safe about it when I came to live with Dad and he protected me. Sexuality isn't cut and dried for a lot of people, Mars. You don't have to have all the answers to know, either. Sometimes, you just have a gut feeling. Or look at Sash. His very sexuality meant figuring his sexuality out was impossible until he test-drove it."

Kip was only here because Shannon talked him into it. It wasn't that he didn't want to be here, it was just that he had been struggling a lot with depression recently. He had depression ever since Shannon's accident and it reared it's very ugly head once he got messed up with drugs again and subsequently diagnosed with epilespy caused by his addiction. It gave him a lot of social anxiety because he hated that he could chuck a fit at any moment in front of everyone and - worse - his body had this tendency to make him piss and shit himself during a seziure. He pulled away from everyone and pretty much became a hermit. He was getting therapy and working on getting better but it had been a tough battle. He did really want to get close to his friends again. They had supported him right through all his shit and never judged. Not even Shannon and Fin, who had every right to hate him. He was pretty sure Fin still wasn't his biggest fan. "Oh, hey, dude. Uh, yeah. I've been going through some shit. Just pretty fucked in the head since the epilepsy BS. How you doing? Sorry about you and Cooper. Shitty it had to end like that."

"Yeah, a little. But at the same time, I don't doubt his ability to pull it off. He's in his element and he works so hard. He's only just off dialysis, though, and sometimes he has this, like, eyes are bigger than his belly concept. Only, not with food, and with work. Everything's all in place and he's pulling it off. Being something he's never done before, everyone's a little anxious of whether he'll cope." Sasha laughed with an emphatic nod. "Oh, yeah. I've pretty much felt like this is someone else's life since the day I met him. It's a feeling I can never quite shake. You know you mean the world to him, Cas. Plus, you and Haz work amazing together. I think you'll all be having too much fun to remember to be scared. How did you go with... um, I mean... I know you and Tori were aiming for...?" He trailed off, blushing a little at trying to as if she and Tori had taken things to the next level like he knew they both wanted to.

Will's eyebrows shot up and his gaze flicked over to where Amarlie was sitting with Justin and they looked like they were in a deep-and-meaningul convo. It was still a little surreal for Will to think of Justin having an older sister. Not that much older but still. Gen had given a baby up for adoption when she was in high school, so Justin and Amarlie were now siblings because her birth mum married Justin's dad. "Oh, wow. I mean, that's pretty awesome, though. She's real sweet and she's smoking hot. Girl, why shouldn't you if you were both into it? But if you're her first time with a girl, she might just need time to process it. Or maybe she's waiting for you to talk to her? You only broke up with Maryanne recently. Maybe she's worried you just did it as... a rebound? I kinda know how that feels, when Justin slept with Coop the first time we broke up. I did totally think he was straight at first. Until he snogged me and there was pretty much no doubt then. Then I started worrying he was out of my league and way more expeienced than me because of how good a kisser he was. Annnnnnnnnd almost blew the entire thing making him think he was a loser for taking drugs. Really not a good idea to hold what happened with Amarlie to what I did with Jus. I nearly screwed my chances entirely back then."

"Yeah, I really am. I've been trying to soul-search myself ever since I decided to find Gen. We all know that was nearly a disaster. But this? I think that maybe I've been wondering if I'm partly gay for awhile. I just don't know what the label would be or how I'm supposed to figure it out. Lesbian, bi, pan... fluid?" With a tiny frown, Amarlie searched Justin's face with what he just said and felt that knot of sickness twist inside her when she thought about him being sexually abuse. It was unfathomable to imagine what happened to him from a very young age. He was kidnapped from his birth mom for that sole reason. "How did you figure out you were just born that way and not forced into it? You own is so well and I know that's a part of you that you love and you want to champion. How do I make the leap and figure it out? Did you just get to the point one day where it was undeniable? What do I even do to figure it out? Ask her out?"

"All valid options. And we have at least one of each in this room tonight if you wanted to talk about it. Granted, if you're looking for the benefits of being bi beyond dicks and boobs, Sky's probably not the best candidate for that job. There's always Uncle James or if you wanted a girl, there's Angela. Thing is, sis... everyone figures out their sexuality in different ways. Some like to test drive, some just know, some try out a few options before they figure out what best fits. You're partway there, on some level. You had sex with a girl and liked it. I think you maybe need to try it sober, though. And yeah, why not ask her out on a date? It doesn't have to ultimately mean something but Lay would never expect it to if you're not sure." Justin thumbed the ring on the Dr Pepper can, making a soft twang sound each time he did. "It was always undeniable. I just had to drown it out to protect myself. I've never had sexual attraction to girls. It was only when it went beyond sex for me that I was sure. My sexuality for me is a lot more than sex and who I like to have sex with. It's part of my identity and gender expression. I figured it out when I got here and had the safe place to just be. I didn't have that in my past life. I was abused because of it. That's not going to happen to you, okay? Whatever you decide, you're still going to be my favourite big sister and I'm going to love whatever guy, girl, NB person you fall in love with."

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"At least we got good friends giving me great times."

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tag layla!

tag - cas! ♥️

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tag fin & zeke!

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tag kip!

tag harry ♥️

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