Merlin Timothy Blake (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
magicmoments) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
dreamlikenewyork2019-06-18 04:55 am
magicmoments) wrote in dreamlikenewyork2019-06-18 04:55 am
"Heaven bless people who marry young."
Who: Merlin Larson and Brandon Blake with everyone who is at their wedding
What: Wedding Day!
Where: Cape Cod, MA
When: Day after this
Despite the fact Merlin had always been a walking ball of anxiety and nerves when he faced big moments in his life, he didn’t anticipate feeling it quite as powerfully as he did the morning of his wedding. As soon as he woke up, naked and entangled in a cosy embrace with Brandon after their intense Viagra-assisted lovemaking the night before, it was like someone flicked his anxiety switch up to high-beam and it was on.
At least, it was until Brandon called in the cavalry and Damien, Jesse, and Mrs Larson took over trying be a few extra sets of hands so he didn’t feel like he was trying to do everything all at once to make sure the day was perfect. Brandon loved his man to bits but this set him on edge too and he had been trying his best to get through some breakfast without puking, sitting on a cup of tea and watching Hurricane Merlin bearing down on the wedding morning with great force. That was when Wesley came and sat beside him in his PJs nursing a fizzing Berocca in a glass and pointed out Merlin’s ADHD monster was showing.
Once it was pointed out, Brandon could see what was happening. He could see it, but he didn’t know how to help it. At least, not until Wesley was smirking at him knowingly over the rim of his glass and told him, “He just needs a way to burn off some of the excess energy.” So, once his meds kicked in and he could get a few mouthfuls of Red Bull down, Brandon coaxed Merlin to take a shower with him and they definitely burned off some excess energy… to the point Brandon kept falling asleep in the middle of Montana, Olympia and Jaxson trying to help him get dressed and the hairdresser doing his hair.
Jaxson pulled a chair up in front of where Brandon was sitting in the armchair by the window of the master suite. He gave Brandon’s shoulder a pat to wake him up again. “Erectile Dysfunction, my shiny white ass,” he offered, laughing, making Montana and Olympia burst out laughing too where they were across the room with Lewis having their makeup done.
Brandon sat forward, dragging his eyes open again with a laugh. “Jeezus fuck, m’awake.” He stretched, rubbing his eyes and then his whole face. It was his turn to pat Jaxson’s shoulder. “Viagra, baby.” He pushed up and went through to the bathroom to wash his face.
“Wait, what?” Jaxson squeaked, jumping up to the follow Brandon into the bathroom. “Are you serious or kidding?”
Brandon snorted in amusement, looking at Jaxson via the mirror. “Why would I kid about that? Chemo annihilated my libido and fertility. I can say without a hint of a joke, Viagra is fucking awesome. I can see why old dudes love it so much.”
Jaxson was about to say something, a joke in return to banter back but what Brandon just said sunk in. “Hang on… fertility? Are you telling me you can’t have kids anymore? Ever?”
“Not exactly.” Brandon grabbed a towel and patted away the excess water drops from his face. “Sort of. Maybe. Before I started chemo, they asked me if I wanted to freeze my sperm and I said no. It was before I met Merlin and I didn’t care. I was convinced I was going to die anyway so it seemed pointless. I started treatment, then I started to date him. The subject came up again when I switched medical teams and I had this retrospective worry that maybe I’d want kids at some later point down the track so I asked if I could freeze my sperm then. But the motility was already throttled. They got a sample but if the time ever comes, there’s a low chance it’ll be viable to establish a successful pregnancy. I’m telling you I definitely can’t have kids now, though. The chemo I’m on will have killed that off. It’s okay. Merlin knows. We’ve had those conversations.”
Jaxson looked at the diamond ring on Brandon’s finger and a lot somehow hit home in that moment. In a few short hours time, Brandon - his best mate, the closest friend he ever had - was getting married… he had ‘those conversations’ about having a family with the person he loved… and yet, he could die within weeks. But he knew he couldn’t cry. He had to hold it back because he was Brandon’s Best Man and it was his job today to take care of him and not upset him. “You’ve tried to squeeze a whole life into a few months, haven’t you?”
Brandon hung the towel back up and shrugged. “Tried,” was all he said and headed back out into the bedroom.
“How does Merlin feel about any of it? Does he want kids?” Jaxson asked, following Brandon.
“I don’t know. We can’t talk about the future. Now shut the fuck up or I’m going to cry.” Brandon made a zipping motion over his lips and the conversation was over.
* * *
Besides each having a Best Man - Wesley and Jaxson - Merlin and Brandon decided to have a joint wedding party instead of two sides of a whole. Gender was erased too, all things considered. It didn’t matter if their wedding party were male or female, just that they were the special people they wanted standing at their side while they got married. Collectively, they had Wesley, Jaxson, Damien, Jesse, Justin, Sasha, Cassidy, Olympia, Montana, Autumn, Layla, and Vesper (Jaxson’s sister, who Brandon had no idea was actually there for the wedding). It was times like this, Merlin was really glad Brandon was who he was because he had resources to call upon to make shit happen at the last minute.
Together, they decided on cobalt blue, black, and silver colour theme for the sole reason that Brandon remembered Merlin was wearing a silk cobalt blue shirt with black trimming the night they met in London. The grooms were in matching blue and black crystal couture suits, and their wedding party in fun outfits with the same colour scheme (with the girls gifted crystal Jimmy Choos for the occasion). Even though neither would actually know what it looked like until they got there, the reception venue was decorated lavishly with the chosen colours, complete with theirwedding cake that took them all of thirty seconds on Google to agree upon on the proviso that the top two tiers had layer cakes inside them that matched Gay Pride flag and Pansexual Pride flag, along with tiny little highlights of each of their birthstones (yellow topaz for Merlin’s November and blue topaz for Brandon’s December) through the pearl and crystal decorations.
At first, seeing as they were chose the Cape Cod location, they thought a wedding on the beach would be a nice idea but neither had their hearts set on it. It wasn’t one of the things they absolutely needed to make their day, they just wanted a nice place that would look good in the photos because… memories. In the end, they decided on an evening ceremony on dusk for a few reasons. First, Brandon thought he would look less like The Walking Dead when the sun was down and his chemo-sensitive skin wouldn’t get burnt. Second, on the off chance there had been a leak about Brandon’s wedding, it would be harder for covert unauthorised pictures to be snapped in the evening light. When they saw what the wedding venue could look like at night, and that it had beautiful tree coverage to obscure photos by rogue drones but looked gorgeous with lanterns, it was an easy choice.
Things didn’t really go to plan throughout the day in the lead-up to the ceremony but that was okay. They had plenty of people around to help keep things on track and eventually, after his dad slipped him a generous shot of whiskey and his mom sat him down and reminded him he wouldn’t have happen memories if he stressed the entire day, Merlin started to calm down and let himself chillout. Jaxson came through around 1pm and told Merlin that Brandon kept falling asleep while Lewis tried to make his complexion look a little less cancer patient-chique so they figured it was best to just let him nap. Merlin agreed it was a good call and decided to leave waking him until the last possible minute, seeing as they hadn’t gotten a lot of sleep the night before. Cue the male side of the wedding party to all share high-fives in their honour of an apparently successful wedding-eve night.
It wasn’t too long now until the wedding cars would arrive to take them to the venue. Merlin started to feel overwhelmed when he watched everyone converging downstairs of the beach house, hanging out and laughing while they waited. The enormity hit him and he kicked his shoes off, heading out the back to go and stand on the beach, nursing a mimosa Olympia had given him awhile ago to his chest as he sucked in a lungful of sea air, waiting for it to sober him. He kind of felt like he was going to throw up and maybe that would help him feel better but he was used to a knotted sick stomach when he was nervous. Or maybe mixing blue-label whiskey with a mimosa wasn’t a good idea. He decided it definitely wasn’t a good idea at all when the mimosa was on rewind all over the sand at his feet but as soon as he had that release, the knot loosened and he stood up, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand.
“Dude, if you’re pregnant, we really gotta talk about protection,” Wesley joked, coming up beside Merlin and patting his back. He offered him a tin of Altoids, giving it a shake. “Breath mint. You don’t want your wedding kiss to suck. I’d ask if you’re but I could see back in the house you weren’t. You’re overwhelmed. And that’s okay. Today’s huge. You’re getting married. In, like, an hour-ish. So, just take your time and have your moment of overwhelm.”
Merlin took a few of the mints and dropped them into his mouth, pouring the rest of the mimosa out and kicking sand over it and where he’d just been sick. “Please tell me no one’s in there thinking I’m getting cold feet. It ain’t that.”
“‘Course it ain’t,” Wesley murmured, looking back up at the house over his shoulder, still squinting even though he was wearing sunglasses. He still wasn’t feeling 100% himself but the nausea and vomiting had eased with medication and sticking to a liquid diet since he was discharged from hospital. He had probably been awake collectively since then all of an hour and a half. He was exhausted and everything ached but nothing was going to make him miss his BFF’s big day. He knew Merlin and there was a significant chance that even if Brandon passed away, Merlin likely wouldn’t remarry either ever or for a very, very long time. He put his arm around Merlin’s shoulders. “They all know what today means and no one is pretending to understand what either of you are feeling. And don’t worry, Brandon ain’t freaking out if you’re okay either. He just asked for only one of us to come out to you so you ain’t crowded.”
Merlin offered Wesley a half-smile, half-smirk. “You drew the short straw, huh? Or did you have a Rock-Paper-Scissors off with Damo and Jess?”
Wesley laughed and shook his head. “Nope. I’m Best Man. I win by default. That’s why I’m here. That’s why I’ve always been here and I wouldn’t miss it. Seriously, I would’ve had that drop me in by a fucking chopper on a hospital bed if all else failed. I didn’t mean to check out on you, buddy. I felt like a fucking ass when I woke up and was told I did.”
“Oh, hey, don’t be basic. It wasn’t your fault. It was risky with the HIV infection. That’s why we had Evan there. I’d rather you have checked out through it, to be honest. It made you real sick. I don’t think I was prepared for how ill you’d be. You think I would be, taking care of Bran, huh? Bran ain’t having hallucinations and seizures.” Merlin stretched his back muscles and looked at Wes, biting his lip. “Brandon wants to come out.”
Wesley’s eyebrows shot up and he pushed his sunnies onto his head to hold his curly hair out of his eyes. “Today?!”
Merlin shook his head. “No. Well, yeah, probably, if things weren’t so complicated. I wouldn’t put it past him if he wasn’t him and we weren’t in this situation. I just think he’s serious about it. I think there’s a serious chance he’s going to wanna take on the network contracts legally to get outta them. Which means, he’s willing to risk his job for it and it could mean going public about being married too. But… there won’t be time for any of that if he doesn’t get bone marrow. He’s told me before if they give him a terminal diagnosis, he’s quitting the show and publicly coming out because he doesn’t wanna die in the closet. I feel like today ain’t really a whole new chapter of a new life and more like the beginning of the end. But I’m still excited to marry him. So, I’m just kinda… confused and yeah, overwhelmed. Happy, but with exceptions, I guess? I don’t want anyone to think I ain’t happy.”
“No one thinks that, bud. The person you love is sick and might die but that doesn’t take away the fact you love him, and he loves you. So fucking much. And I’ve been kinda getting a taste of how that feels myself and it’s… thrilling and exciting but in sort of a surreal way. Because it’s still scary and you’re kinda conscious you’re flying blind. I just don’t think that’s really a bad thing. It’s just this whole other level for you. Unless there’s something specifically that’s worrying you right in this moment, making you feel like it’s hard to breathe?” Wesley asked because he knew Merlin’s generalized stress and he knew Merlin’s stress with a side order of ADHD. This really wasn’t the same.
Merlin closed his eyes and took a breath, focusing on it when he let it out slowly again, nodding. “The next time we’re all together like this could be a funeral. That just kind of caught my breath back there in the house seeing everyone in one contained place. It’s okay. I have to feel these things. I think I’m ready though.”
Wesley rubbed Merlin’s back, closely analysing his face. “You sure? It’s your wedding, you’re allowed to be a lil’ late if you need to.”
“No, I’m ready. But as my Best Man, please don’t let anyone else hand me alcohol. We’ll run the booze teetotal gauntlet together.” Merlin gave Wesley a hug and they held each other tightly, letting Merlin take the time to emotionally recalibrate the best he could. “Okay. Let’s go do this.”
* * *
“Hey, bitch! Did you really think you could go get married without us?”
Brandon stepped out of the stretch limo, narrowly avoiding tripping when someone called out and distracted him. He shielded his eyes from the setting sunlight, trying to see who was shouting. That’s when he spotted Jaxson standing with his sister, Vesper, and his parents, who very much weren’t back at their home in Australia and were here, in Cape Cod. They were actually there. He knew Jaxson had that FaceTime chat with Vesper but he hadn’t at all taken him seriously that he could get them here in time for the wedding. What’s more, Vesper was in a perfectly-fitting bridesmaid dress so Merlin had to have been in on that. This was confirmed when Merlin caught his eye from where he was standing with his Wesley on the other side of the car and he gave him a smile that looked like it could light up a small town with its brightness.
There were a couple more beats of shock before Vesper squealed and somehow managed to run in those Jimmy Choos over to him with the rest of her family and he was engulfed in a huge group-hug. He squeaked, and reflexively nudged them back. “Shit, I’m sorry! I just… have a lot of pain and holy crap, did I forget how tightly you hug. Fuck, I can’t believe you actually got here in time? How the hell did you manage that?! I… just…” He was released from the hug and stood there, gaping in shock, tearing up. But he blinked them back because he needed to save them up for later where he was pretty sure he was going to cry his eyes completely out of tears by the end of the night.
The Colts all did recoil once they realised they were hurting him and Mrs Colt did the whole mom-fuss-preen-scrutinizing once-over thing. “Oh my god, you’re getting married!” Vesper shrieked, bouncing a little on the spot, looping her arm around Brandon’s shoulder. “Honey, your man is cute as a freaking button! Is he shorter than me? Bloody hell, I want to pinch his cheeks and ruffle his hair!” She gave Jaxson a sisterly whack in the arm. “You didn’t say how adorable he was! He’s this whole tiny little package of cute!”
“What!” Jaxson laughed, shaking his head. “Do you realise how hard Brandon would pay someone to kick my ass if I said all that shit about his man? You get away with it, you’re a chick. Not that that necessarily matter because Merlin’s pansexual but I happen to know he’s only got eyes for Bran anyway. A whole lot of extremely happy all-night-shagging eyes,” he added, shooting Brandon a cheeky grin.
Brandon scrunched his face up, turning his face to the sky before he could meet Mr and Mrs Colt’s eyes at that common. “Oh jesus christ,” he laughed and before Jaxson could continue that train of thought and embarrass him more, flagged down Merlin’s attention so he could introduce them all. “Merlin! Can you come over here a sec, sweetheart?”
“Sweetheart. N’aww…” Vesper cooed teasingly, grinning as she tugged on Brandon’s lapel. “Listen to you all loved up. Never thought we’d see the day! Especially not with a guy. I totally thought for so long you were banging your co-star.”
“Ves, zip it. That’s a raw nerve,” Jaxson warned, grabbing his sister’s hand so she stopped bugging Brandon… even if her job when they were back in Oregon going to school together was to consistently bug the hell out of the boys because she did it so well. Really, they had all gotten along like a house on fire. There was never any arguments or nastiness. They just liked to bug each other and pull the piss out of each other like pros. As far as Vesper had always been concerned, Brandon was another brother to her, which upped the ante.
Mr Colt put his arm around his daughter’s shoulder. “Let’s give the boy a break on his wedding day, huh? How are you holding up, son? You’re looking a little better than we anticipated.” Mostly because Vesper had reported him looking like he wasn’t far from his death-bed after the FaceTime chat a few days prior.
Brandon smiled with a bit of a laugh. “Yeah, you can thank one of the best Makeup Artists in showbiz for this. I didn’t want to scare the wedding guests away. Even if a lot of them have seen me at my worst. I’m… well, today, I’m good. Which is an accomplishment.”
Merlin’s family had come out to make sure he was holding up okay after Wesley had reported he was sick back on the beach but only once. He had to extract himself from the uber-fussing mode they were all in and urged them to go inside to wait for the ceremony before turned their fuss radars on Brandon. That was inevitable these days since his parents had pretty much adopted both Brandon and Noah into their family brood. “Wes, go get some cold water to sip on, okay? You’ll be okay to get through the ceremony?” he asked, heading over to where Brandon was with Jaxson and his family.
“Oh my god, is that his Best Man? He’s a shorty too! Why are they all so cute? Tell me, is he single? Why is he asking if he’ll be okay for the ceremony?” Vesper asked Brandon before Merlin moved away from the guy he was talking to.
“Gay, taken, just out of hospital. Long story,” Brandon explained quickly before Merlin came over. He grinned, wrapping his arm around Merlin’s waist and they shared a kiss. “Wesley okay, baby? I just wanted you to meet Jaxson’s family. Even though I’ve figured you’ve had some input with them surprising me. Guys, this is Merlin, my soon-to-be husband. Merlin, this is his Vesper, she’s the same age as Jax and me, and his mom and dad, Niamh and Jarod, who took care of me during some of the hardest years of my life. It’s actually Jarod I owe my life to. He drove me down to LA from Oregon for my audition for WS all those years ago. I might not have made it otherwise.”
Merlin raised his eyebrows. “Oregon. Wow. I just realised I didn’t know your pre-WS hometown. Not that it matters now.” He gave them all a smile and a little wave but followed it with some friendly hugs, considering they were pretty much family to Brandon. “It’s real nice to meet y’all. And I didn’t really have much direct input, so I can’t take that credit. It was Montana. None of this today would be happening without her and our wedding planner. Wow, I can’t believe you guys made it. You must be so jetlagged, but I know it means the world to Bran that you could come.”
Mrs Colt had hold of Brandon’s hand and was rubbing the back of it, like she could somehow nurture him back to health. She smiled at them. “Goodness me, we would never forgive ourselves if we missed this. It was a wonderful surprise to hear Brandon was getting married and we knew it’s not something he would ever do lightly. Not the Brandon we know.”
“Listen, I just want to go into all this like I have with everyone else recently and ask that no one feels like they need to walk on eggshells around me. I’m just going to grab the giant elephant in the room and kick it to the curb. I have cancer and I’m running out of time. I’m having chemo, even if I still have my hair which confuses a lot of people. I don’t really want to get into any of it here before my wedding but it’s real. It’s happening and I’m really conscious we’ve haven’t talked in a really long time. But we will.” Brandon smiled at Jaxson’s family and then gave them all some kisses and hugs. “I’m so glad you’re here and that you could come. I need to take a few moments with Merlin before the ceremony, so head in and take a seat. It’s going to be pretty full-on, so brace yourself,” he added with a laugh.
“Thanks so much for coming to help us make special memories. There’s, like, an endless supply of Kleenex at the door, so help yourselves,” Merlin laughed, gesturing towards the walkway leading to where their ceremony was going to take place with the beautiful sound of the waves a short walk to the beach away as a backdrop.
Once they were alone, Brandon turned to Merlin, taking his hands. “Humour me? Wes said you were sick.”
Merlin sighed and gave Brandon a knowing smile, squeezing his hands. “I’m good, I promise. Better than good. Amazing. After our night together last night, are you kidding? I have to keep talking my dick down in a hostage situation seeing you in your suit and makeup. This is the first time I’ve seen you in guyliner in the flesh. I was sick because I just stressed myself out and mimosa is some nasty shit on a nervy belly.” He pulled Brandon into a hug and they took some time to share some tender kisses. “Now you humour me. I didn’t know the situation with Jaxson’s family but Montana said you didn’t have an issue with them, even if there was the estrangement between you and Brandon so I left it in her hands to get Vesper what she needed to join the wedding party.”
“No issues. I’m over the moon they can be here. It’ll probably hit me more later once we’ve had the ceremony. I totally didn’t realise I never told you I’m from Oregon originally.” Brandon rested his forehead against Merlin’s, closing his eyes. He took a few deep breaths, rubbing Merlin’s back. “I’m nervous. Can we just stay here a couple of minutes? I love you. We’re really doing this, huh?”
“‘Course we can.” Merlin smiled, bumping noses with Brandon before stealing another kiss, nodding. “We’re really doing this, darlin’.”
* * *
All the guests were waiting in the bar area for a cocktail hour while they waited for the wedding. Right before they were seated, Justin climbed up on one of the chairs with his microphone, sticking his fingers in his mouth to whistle for everyone’s attention. “Hey! Hi, can I have y’all’s attention for a moment. As you all know, Merlin and Brandon are here today to make memories and celebrate the love they have. They both want music to be a big part of tonight and I promise, there’s going to be plenty of using music to make memories. We’ve got a hell of a sound system rigged up for the reception and an excellent DJ, so I’m going to ask y’all to pause for a moment before you take a seat for the ceremony at the little white table near the head of the aisle. There’s some little sheets of paper and pens there. We’re going to celebrate your love with Merlin’s and Brandon’s tonight. If you’re in a relationship and lucky to have found that special person in your life, we want you to pick a song that means something special to you and write your name below. If you ain’t in love, pick a song that celebrates you or a love you hope to have one day. Throughout the night, we’re going to play all these songs as a wedding soundtrack for the guys to keep to remember their wedding, dedicating each song to the people have requested it. Just drop the paper in the jar on the table. Remember, have fun! Dance, sing! And I guess there’s only one more thing to say - everybody cut…” He held the mic out to the group, cupping his ear with a grin.
“Footloose!” They all called out and cheered.
Once the announcement was over, the wedding planner started to usher the guests outside and up the path to where the ceremony was happening. The sun was setting and the lanterns in the tree looked absolutely beautiful. At the head of the aisle off to one side, there was a portable digital piano and a guitar with a couple of microphone stands. Wesley and Jaxson watched by the door where the wedding aisle began as Justin snapped his microphone in place on one of them, chatting with the wedding planner while everyone trailed in to sit down. Justin was gesturing about something or other, clearly more than having his finger on the pulse of the wedding entertainment.
“So, did you ever expect your BFF would get married like this?” Jaxson asked, striking up a conversation while they waited with the rest of the wedding party for the wedding planner’s cue to take their spots when Brandon and Merlin were ready to walk up the aisle together.
“Like this? Oh, yeah. Totally. I mean, I always figured he’d have an awesome memorable wedding because when he found The One, he would wanna give them his all. But when he was nineteen? No. And not to a dude.” Wesley shrugged, sipping the club soda Noah got for him while he waited for the ceremony to start.
Jaxson scrutinized Wesley for a moment, glad he looked better than the last time he saw him but he figured the makeup dude probably had a hand in that too, like he had with Brandon. The dude was cool as all shit too, in full glam makeup himself and looking like he was born in wet-look leather. Unfortunately, when asking Brandon if the guy was single, he was told he was married with a child. “How long have you known Merlin was into guys too?”
“Well, technically he ain’t. His sexuality is genderless. How long have I known he was into people collectively rather than just being into chicks? About a year now, give or take. He’s the reason I had the balls to come out myself. But really, thinking back, I can see how he was never straight. He was never really a flirt and was determined to hang on to his v-card until he found the right person, so it meant something. Me? I flung mine to the first chick who asked me on a date,” Wesley admitted, scrunching his nose up and shaking his head. “Wish I’d waited, followed his lead.”
“Is that when you realised you were gay, when you slept with a chick?” Jaxson asked, curious about Merlin and Wesley’s background. They were going to be Brandon’s family now, he was interested in who they were and where they came from. Especially considering he heard Wesley’s screams about his father when he was hallucinating during his detox. But he knew Wes wouldn’t remember any of that and he didn’t want to interrogate him about what he had just been through.
Wesley shook his head. “Nope. It was before that. I slept with her trying to get the gay outta me, so to speak. I desperately needed to not be gay back then. Long story. My father’s a Catholic pastor of our local church and a homophobic cunt. Ergo, he brainwashed my whole family into being homophobic cunts. And because contraception is a sin or some shit, I’m the youngest of eight kids. I have seven older sisters and there’s a seven year age gap between me and my youngest sister. That leaves a whole harsh glaring spotlight on me and… yeah. Seeing as we’re gonna be joint BFFs to Merlin and Brandon. I had a pretty fucked up religious upbringing so to answer your question, I’ve spent the better part of four years trying to drown out the fact I’m gay and all it did was get met hooked on booze and pills. I apologise if you heard or witnessed me losing my shit the other day.”
Jaxson held his hand up with a smile. “Don’t, mate. You don’t owe me or anyone an apology for that. If anyone owes anyone anything it’s me, owing you a thanks for when I had my puke and blood fail the day I rocked up on B’s doorstep without notice. I’m usually not that bad with it. I think I was just in shock seeing him so sick. I read it on Instagram and all that but I didn’t really believe it was true until I saw it with my own eyes. Do you remember any of what happened while you’re detoxing?”
Wesley looked up at Jaxson, taking another sip of his drink. “I understand, dude. My intro to Brandon was pretty full-on too. I know all this today, it’s gonna be impossible for anyone not to think we might lose him soon. Merlin’s struggling so I know you will be too. I’m glad your family’s here with you.” His turned his gaze back to Justin, who, to look at as he was now, you would never know he battled so many demons. How easy it was to put up a facade. Wesley knew that more than ever now. “I think I remember up to the point it got serious and they called 911. Nothing after that. Just remember waking up in hospital.”
Jaxson was about to answer but the wedding planner was suddenly there telling them to take their places and Justin was sitting up at the piano, ready to play. Nerves and fear flooded through him in this moment, hearing the music start in the wake of Wesley’s poignant words. He took a deep breath, bracing himself to watch his BFF get married… because in a few weeks, they all might have to say goodbye to him forever.
* * *
Brandon asked Justin to sing an acoustic cover of Beyonce's Halo for he and Merlin to walk up the aisle to. There were a lot of songs that could fit his array of emotions that day but this said a lot about his deep feelings for Merlin right now. When he heard the song begin, he drew in a deep breath and squeezed Merlin’s hand, giving him a smile. They both had sweaty hands and Merlin had an air of a dear-in-headlights look once the music started. It was adorable. They were both nervous and scared for reasons they couldn’t really put into words. They had showed each other a lot last night, though. Brandon wasn’t - at all - regretting his decision to take the Viagra.
Before they did their duty of walking up the aisle in pairs, everyone in their wedding party (sans Justin) gave them hugs and cheek kisses. Brandon was glad colour-stay lipstick was invented or their faces would be littered with lipstick kisses by now. He leaned close to Merlin, waiting their turn to walk up the aisle, and whispered, “You okay? Ready?”
Merlin looked up at him, swallowing heavily and biting his lip. “Ready, yes. Okay? I don’t think so…” He closed his eyes and wrapped his arm around Brandon’s waist. He intended to stop there but instead, he was pulling him into a clinging embrace, face buried into Brandon’s neck. Until there was a soft tap on his shoulder.
“On the count of three, boys,” the wedding planner told them, giving them the thumbs up.
Brandon cupped Merlin’s face in his hands and gave him a gentle kiss before taking his hand again with another squeeze. It was hard to see just how many people were there when they started walking up the aisle, especially in the evening light. It was freaking gorgeous and he felt like he was locked in some sort of dream sequence. He had filmed them for the show when Saxon had his psychic visions and this had the same surreal sensation to it. As soon as they got close enough to make out faces, he was choking up with emotion and couldn’t help grinning so much his cheeks ached. If it wasn’t for the feeling of Merlin’s warm sweaty hand squeezed tightly in his, he would think this was a dream he would wake up in a night sweat from feeling sick to his stomach like so many nights recently. There were a lot of faces he didn’t recognise but that was okay. By the end of the night, he knew Merlin would make sure he knew who everyone was. Perhaps the best part, too, was that no one had their phones out because they decided on an ‘unplugged’ ceremony where only their two photographers (Jaxson and a guy Merlin knew called Max) were capturing the memories.
He was so relieved everyone else had everything in hand for the wedding preparations because there was no way he or Merlin could have pulled any of this off alone. It was incredible and he didn’t know how they did it in such a limited timeframe. It started to sink in that he really was getting married and it was only when the wedding party parted at the end of the aisle, waiting until after Damien and Jesse hugged them both and stepped aside, it was revealed who was standing up the front the celebrant should be.
Norm… with Joan beside him, both beaming at him.
It took a few beats of shock where he stopped walking and froze, gaping, hand up to his mouth. He glanced at Merlin, who was giving him one of those billion-watt smile, and then burst into tears before he could stop himself, stepping up to them to be engulfed in their familiar hugs full of love. “What did you-- how did you-- oh my god,” he sobbed and pulled Merlin into the hug, giving him a kiss. “How the fuck did you pull this off?!”
Merlin just laughed, shaking his head. “I really don’t know. Ask me again in a week when I’ve caught up on my sleep,” he joked and was folded into a hug by Joan, who you would swear had known him his whole life by now. “Norm’s gonna marry us, darlin’. I wanted everyone to be able to make memories of you, not just you making memories of all us.” He turned back to look at their guests, holding his hands up. “Sorry, sorry. I ain’t trying to make y’all cry so soon.”
Once Brandon was done with his greeting hugs from Norm and Joan, he pulled Merlin into a hug like he never wanted to let him go. “I love you so fucking much,” he murmured against his ear and they shared a kiss. When Merlin took a pack of Kleenex from his pocket (one of four Cas neatly and strategically placed on him) and quickly wiped away Brandon’s tears for him so they could at least manage to get through the ceremony, proving exactly why Halo was the perfect song to walk up the aisle together. No one knew just how much Merlin had done for him since they met. Brandon knew in just a few minutes time, he was going to have to try to put all that into words… somehow.
They were probably supposed to hold hands but it was easier for them to put their arms around each other. Merlin was short enough for his arm to always tuck perfectly around Brandon’s waist and Brandon’s comfortable fit around Merlin’s shoulders. Without even thinking about it, when Justin handed his microphone to Norm, he started to rub comforting little circles to Brandon’s back and took a deep, bracing breath himself. He shot Justin a grateful smile and Justin gave him an encouraging wink, patting his shoulder as he went to stand with Sasha and the rest of the wedding party for the ceremony. Before anything was even starting, he was biting the inside of his lip to try his best not to cry.
It was ultimately surprising he didn’t bite through his lip with Norm’s service. He spoke about the day they met Brandon and how hard it was for him to open his heart to them, which told them it was hard for him to open his heart to anyone. Which meant that Merlin had performed miracles and he saw just how much when they visited Idaho on their road trip. That for the first time since Brandon came into their lives, they felt like they could stop worrying about whether he was being taken care of, even if it came with the added shock to hear he was seriously sick with cancer at such a young age. Finally, he said that no matter whether the end is near or far, he knows Merlin and Brandon will be together because he knows that Brandon is such a good actor, he is an expert at acting happy in his private life away from the screen. But for the first time since they met, he saw Brandon’s real happiness in the moments right before he kisses Merlin, which is a happiness no one can fake when they’re really in love.
Then it was time for the vows and suddenly Merlin had Justin’s sparkly microphone in his hand. That in itself was a big because it was usually the only person who used it was Justin. He swallowed nervously, brushing his thumb over the smooth surface of the rainbow crystals encasing the microphone. It took him a few moments to put the microphone to his mouth to speak. All this was a lot more emotional than he had anticipated and he had been anticipating it since they decided to have the wedding.
Taking Brandon’s hand, Merlin finally found his voice. “Brandon and I decided to write our own vows because nothing about us is traditional, and to be honest, they didn’t even come close to cutting what we want to vow to each other. So, I started to write my own and I realised that all I was doing was writing a letter to Brandon, because maybe I don’t want to vow anything to him. This isn’t a marriage because we’re promising each other anything more than to be together for as long as we can. Vows are for the future and we all know that’s something Brandon ain’t promised right now. So, I’m gonna make my promises for him now, today.”
“I was going to read the letter out to Brandon today, instead of vows. But neither of us got very much sleep last night and we talked about everything I’d written in it. And something I think all of us here today knows is that overcoming challenges to still make love work isn’t something that could ever fit on a two-dimensional piece of paper or in a handful of lines for vows. So, I promise you this, Brandon Blake. No matter what happens in the coming weeks, you won’t be alone. If you go to bed tonight in pain and wake up in the morning sick yet again, I’ll be with you and make sure you have everything you need to be as comfortable as you can be, which I know isn’t at all on your bad days. I’ll hold you when you feel your worst, and hug you with everything I’ve got when you feel your best. When you cry, I’ll cry with you. When you laugh, it’ll probably be at me but I’ll laugh with you anyway,” he joked, squeezing Brandon’s hand. “But most of all, I’ll fight this with you. I’ll be there with you every day that you struggle to wake up when I know… I know you don’t know how to keep going most days, so on those days I’ll keep going for you and hold you up the best I can, no matter what it takes. I love you more than I know how to say anymore… and on your worst days, I love you even more, and always will no matter how near or far the end is,” he promised, glancing at Norm with a teary smile.
Brandon had tears dripping down his cheeks but he was smiling, bringing Merlin’s hand up to his lips to kiss his fingers. When Merlin offered him the microphone, Brandon gave him a kiss and smiled. “I need help with my turn.” Though Brandon wasn’t even sure he would be able to find his voice after Merlin’s words. He was choked up and barely over his sob-fest seeing Norm and Joan had made the trip from Idaho, not just for their wedding but so Norm could perform their ceremony. He didn’t recover from said sob-fests very well these days, so he needed to make it through just a little bit longer so they could at least manage to officially get married.
He could see Merlin’s confused smile, wondering what the hell was going on, when Justin stepped up to loop his guitar over his shoulders and brought the microphone stand over to stand by Brandon. At first, Brandon only ever intended to ask Justin to sing at his wedding, a song for Merlin. It was one that went a little way to putting into words what he had been feeling lately. It was Justin who suggested they sing it together but he would take most of the vocal structuring because Brandon didn’t have the strength in his voice anymore. If he somehow by some miracle managed to beat cancer and went into remission with bone marrow, it would take a lot of vocal training to be able to sing professional for the show again. But Wicked Symphony seemed so distant to him now, he had been feeling more and more like he was never going back to it and that part of his life was over. Little by little, more and more pieces of his life would slip away. The only part he cared about holding onto until the end was here with him today, in front of him, and surrounding him.
The song was the acoustic cover of Wherever You Will Go and Brandon was nervous when Justin started playing. There was a tiny part of him that had nerves akin to stage fright where there was a vague urge to throw up but he was pretty sure that was muscle memory from how often he had his head in a toilet lately. He had spoken to Justin a few times about this in the days leading up to the wedding and he kept reassuring Brandon with one thing - just trust him with the music and follow his lead. It was easy because before he even met Justin, Merlin had told him what a magician Justin was with - literally - playing it by ear. It was reassuring because all Brandon wanted was to share a song with Merlin that showed how he felt, no matter whether, just like Norm and Merlin had said, the end was near or far. And so he did, he followed Justin’s lead and sang the song to Merlin.
Merlin had his hand over his mouth before the song even started but once Brandon started singing with Justin, he was digging around in his pockets trying to find more of the tissues Cassidy stashed on him, knowing he would need them. But it was like he forgot where pockets existed and he was more fumbling than anything else. Thankfully, his Best Man came to the rescue, sneaking up behind him and tucking a handful of Kleenex into his palm. It was only once he started wiping up the tears that he couldn’t stop falling that he realised Justin wasn’t standing beside Brandon, he had shifted more behind him so he was out of Merlin’s line of sight, even if he was holding the vocals. And it was truly one of the most beautiful moments of Merlin’s life. The people he loved were helping him make sure he and Brandon had the best wedding day they could with so many challenges.
The lyrics got him. When he reminded himself to really listen to them. He spent two-thirds of the song wiping away tears he couldn’t stop falling but it was after the bridge, he was done. "I know now, just quite how my life and love might still go on. In your heart, in your mind, I'll stay with you for all of time." He broke down and almost ended up crouching down under the weight of what he was feeling. It was almost like the Karaoke night all over but thankfully not quite as embarrassing. Instead, Wesley was back at his side and held Merlin up around his waist, pulling more tissues from his pocket so it wasn’t the same soggy snotty few sheets he first started. He was too much of a mess to realise everyone in his vicinity started crying too or that there were boxes of Kleenex being passed around like a church collection plate. Someone had a lot of forethought, either Montana or the wedding planner. Thank fuck for waterproof mascara.
Once the song was over, Brandon stepped over to Merlin to embrace him. He rubbed his back and whispered in his ear telling him he was beautiful and he loved him. It wasn’t even really for the sentiment but more to calm him down before he puked like he did at the Karaoke bar. It was comforting and somehow, Merlin managed to pull himself semi-together with more tissues for his tissues, handing some of them to Brandon with a little teary laugh. They wiped away each other’s tears so they could at least get to the ring ceremony.
Norm asked Wesley and Jaxson for the rings, taking a closer look at them once he had them in his hand. He told the guests they were personalised with an engraving of each other’s heartlines and birthstones. Brandon appreciated Norm’s genuine ability to tell a good story in this moment because it gave him and Merlin a chance to regroup. He had his arm around Merlin’s waist, tracing little circles to his hip beneath the hem of his crystal-embellished jacket. At least until he started to feel sick at the worst possible time and even if this had been his norm of late, he couldn’t believe it was happening right now, at the worst possible moment. Was it too much to ask to just be able to get married in peace? Apparently. “Baby, I think I’m going to be sick,” he warned Merlin in a murmur.
Merlin responded reflexively as soon as he heard the words. “We just need a minute,” he cut in on Norm apologetically, already quickly helping Brandon move away from the ceremony area. He didn’t know if they would make it to a bathroom but at the very least, he wanted to get Brandon somewhere he was away from an audience. He got him just around the corner of the building before Brandon vomited, leaning right over so he didn’t get any of it on his wedding clothes.
“Well, I’m glad I didn’t take bets on whether it was a quickie or a cold feet,” Jaxson offered when he came around the corner with Wesley. Granted, he was keeping his head turned away from where Brandon was getting sick in a garden bed. No one needed him going out in sympathy too. “Take your time, mate. No one will mind waiting.” He held up a bottle of water he made sure he had on hand just in case this happened.
Merlin nodded, concentrating on keeping Brandon’s hair out of his face. “Thanks, bro. He’s only had fluids all day, it shouldn’t be too harrowing.”
Wesley held up his trusty tin of Altoids and a box of Kleenex. “I mean, if y’all got married without B puking, was it even getting married? I think Justin’s going to pull something out of his bag of tricks to keep everyone entertained for a minute.”
Brandon straightened up once he was done but before he could put his hand to his mouth, Merlin caught it before he could get it messed up and wiped his mouth with some Kleenex instead. “It’s okay, guys. You go back. We’ll be there in a minute. Tell Justin thanks and apologise to Norm.” He tipped some of the water into some more tissues and patted it to the back of Brandon’s neck. “You okay, darlin’? Do you need meds? I’m got them here.”
Brandon nodded, taking a mouthful of water to rinse his mouth out. “Epic fucking fail,” he mumbled through a cough, drinking some of the water this time.
“Don’t worry, we’re still gonna put a ring on it.” Merlin took Brandon’s meds out of his inner breast pocket and found the ones he had for upset stomach and vomiting. He waited until he took them and then offered him the mints. “Better now? Shh, no apologising,” he quickly added, putting his finger to his lips.
Brandon must’ve tipped about ten of the mints into his palm because he was fucking damned if cancer was going to fuck up his wedding kiss. “Baby, I--”
Merlin shook his head. “Not now or I’m gonna start bawling my eyes out again.” He gave him a smile and then rose up on his tiptoes to kiss Brandon’s forehead. “Let’s go be husbands.”
All in all, they only lost a few minutes of the ceremony and Justin was happily serenading the guests until they got back. Brandon might look a little more peaky than what he had at the start of the ceremony but that was foreign either. Norm gave them both and understanding smile and Brandon let Joan fuss over him for a couple of moments, checking he was okay to keep going, like a typical grandmother worth her weight in gold. Brandon reassured her he was okay now, accepting the cheek kisses before she went to sit with Merlin’s parents again.
Once things were back on track, Norm invited Merlin’s brothers, Jesse and Damien, to step up and do a couple of readings Merlin and Brandon had chosen when Merlin wanted them both to be part of the ceremony. They were both creative people and they wanted beautiful words to mark their occasion because their ceremony wasn’t traditional… it was their own unique and personalising it was important to both of them.
Damien had stressed about this bit for the better part of two days after Merlin asked him and Jesse to do readings for them. Merlin promised it would only be short and he couldn’t fuck it up because he would have it on paper in front of him. Still, he wanted this to be everything and it was such a beautiful way for Merlin to want to include his brothers in the ceremony. For all the performing he did on stage, this was the first time he had performance anxiety. He took the mic and gave Merlin and Brandon a smile, and started to read.
“Love isn’t always perfect. It isn’t a fairytale or a storybook. And it doesn’t always come easy. Love is overcoming obstacles, facing challenges, fighting to be together, holding on & never letting go. It is a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define, & impossible to live without. Love is work, but most of all, Love is realising that every hour, every minute, & every second was worth it because you did it together.”
There were audible sniffles amongst their guests again and Merlin was tearing up but not to the point he was before. It just meant more than he could say to have Damien and Jesse a part of this. After all the obstacles finding out he was adopted, they were now both his big brothers and he adored them both to the moon and back. There was no way they couldn’t be part of the wedding. He was looking forward to the reception later too where Damien was going to sing a couple of songs for them but he kept what ones completely hush, despite Merlin’s prodding.
Damien handed the mic to Jesse and draped his arm around his shoulders. Their friendship was well and truly back on track and he couldn’t think of anyone else in the whole world he would rather share big-brothering with than Jesse. He followed the words as Jesse read them, getting teary himself at the poignancy of them. He couldn’t lie, all this was only making him want to get married even more himself.
When we share a secret
When your eyes sparkle
When we're just us
When we don't have to talk
When I watch you sleeping
When you remember
When I don't have to explain
When you walk into the room
When we are in a crowd
When I am by myself
When you are just being you
When you make me giggle
When I hear your heartbeat
When you reach for me
Even when you're not looking
That's when I love you.
After Jesse and Damien sat again, it was finally at the part of the ceremony where they officially got married. Norm gave Brandon Merlin’s wedding ring and asked him to repeat after him. Brandon listened, holding Merlin’s hand and smiling at, really not quite believing they had gotten here and it was happening. In a few short minutes, they really were going to be married and that was incredible.
“I, Brandon, with this ring, give you my loving heart,
As I have given you my hands to hold.
As a symbol of my love, my faith in our strength together,
And promises I make to you today,
To love you always
To hold you through sickness and health,
To have you as my friend, my love, and my husband.
Wear it and think of me, and know that I love you.”
Blowing out a shaky breath, not even trying to hold back his smile, he slipped the wedding ring on Merlin’s finger, twisting it a little to make sure it fit perfectly. Even though he couldn’t linger on it, he caught a glimpse of what it looked like on Merlin’s hand and a burst of warmth shot through him.
Grinning, Merlin twisted the ring a little himself, testing out how it felt. It was strange but not in a bad way. He didn’t think a piece of jewellery could carry such emotional weight until he was wearing it. Once it was there, he never wanted to take it off. Then Norm was giving him Brandon’s wedding ring. Brandon had his engagement ring on his other hand, which was apparently what happened for wedding ceremonies. Merlin had definitely learned a lot going into his. The minor blip in the system of Brandon getting sick didn’t take away any of the shine of this. It was just part of the package deal of their relationship. He listened to the ring vows Norm was prompting from the book he was holding and recited them easily, holding Brandon’s gaze as he slipped the ring onto his finger.
“I, Merlin, with this ring, give you my loving heart,
As I have given you my hands to hold.
As a symbol of my love, my faith in our strength together,
And promises I make to you today,
To love you always
To hold you through sickness and health,
To have you as my friend, my love, and my husband.
Wear it and think of me, and know that I love you.”
Brandon looked at the ring on his finger, closing his hands around both of Merlin’s. Norm smiled between them both, looking like he was living one of the proudest moments of his life. “And on that wonderful note, I now pronounce you husband and husband.” Placing his hands on Merlin and Brandon’s shoulders with a fatherly pat. “Now you can kiss.”
Everyone stood and started cheering. It was impossible to know who grabbed who in the kiss first but it was passionate and excited. “And I don’t even feel like throwing up,” Brandon laughed and pulled Merlin close in a cuddle. “Thank you… for being the most amazing person I’ve ever met and promising to love me for however long of my forever I have left.”
“I love you! We did it, darlin’. We made it in the end.” Merlin started to cry again but they were happy tears this time and he closed Brandon back in another hug, with them both soon engulfed in a massive group-hug with their families and wedding party.
LOG, COMPLETE
What: Wedding Day!
Where: Cape Cod, MA
When: Day after this
Despite the fact Merlin had always been a walking ball of anxiety and nerves when he faced big moments in his life, he didn’t anticipate feeling it quite as powerfully as he did the morning of his wedding. As soon as he woke up, naked and entangled in a cosy embrace with Brandon after their intense Viagra-assisted lovemaking the night before, it was like someone flicked his anxiety switch up to high-beam and it was on.
At least, it was until Brandon called in the cavalry and Damien, Jesse, and Mrs Larson took over trying be a few extra sets of hands so he didn’t feel like he was trying to do everything all at once to make sure the day was perfect. Brandon loved his man to bits but this set him on edge too and he had been trying his best to get through some breakfast without puking, sitting on a cup of tea and watching Hurricane Merlin bearing down on the wedding morning with great force. That was when Wesley came and sat beside him in his PJs nursing a fizzing Berocca in a glass and pointed out Merlin’s ADHD monster was showing.
Once it was pointed out, Brandon could see what was happening. He could see it, but he didn’t know how to help it. At least, not until Wesley was smirking at him knowingly over the rim of his glass and told him, “He just needs a way to burn off some of the excess energy.” So, once his meds kicked in and he could get a few mouthfuls of Red Bull down, Brandon coaxed Merlin to take a shower with him and they definitely burned off some excess energy… to the point Brandon kept falling asleep in the middle of Montana, Olympia and Jaxson trying to help him get dressed and the hairdresser doing his hair.
Jaxson pulled a chair up in front of where Brandon was sitting in the armchair by the window of the master suite. He gave Brandon’s shoulder a pat to wake him up again. “Erectile Dysfunction, my shiny white ass,” he offered, laughing, making Montana and Olympia burst out laughing too where they were across the room with Lewis having their makeup done.
Brandon sat forward, dragging his eyes open again with a laugh. “Jeezus fuck, m’awake.” He stretched, rubbing his eyes and then his whole face. It was his turn to pat Jaxson’s shoulder. “Viagra, baby.” He pushed up and went through to the bathroom to wash his face.
“Wait, what?” Jaxson squeaked, jumping up to the follow Brandon into the bathroom. “Are you serious or kidding?”
Brandon snorted in amusement, looking at Jaxson via the mirror. “Why would I kid about that? Chemo annihilated my libido and fertility. I can say without a hint of a joke, Viagra is fucking awesome. I can see why old dudes love it so much.”
Jaxson was about to say something, a joke in return to banter back but what Brandon just said sunk in. “Hang on… fertility? Are you telling me you can’t have kids anymore? Ever?”
“Not exactly.” Brandon grabbed a towel and patted away the excess water drops from his face. “Sort of. Maybe. Before I started chemo, they asked me if I wanted to freeze my sperm and I said no. It was before I met Merlin and I didn’t care. I was convinced I was going to die anyway so it seemed pointless. I started treatment, then I started to date him. The subject came up again when I switched medical teams and I had this retrospective worry that maybe I’d want kids at some later point down the track so I asked if I could freeze my sperm then. But the motility was already throttled. They got a sample but if the time ever comes, there’s a low chance it’ll be viable to establish a successful pregnancy. I’m telling you I definitely can’t have kids now, though. The chemo I’m on will have killed that off. It’s okay. Merlin knows. We’ve had those conversations.”
Jaxson looked at the diamond ring on Brandon’s finger and a lot somehow hit home in that moment. In a few short hours time, Brandon - his best mate, the closest friend he ever had - was getting married… he had ‘those conversations’ about having a family with the person he loved… and yet, he could die within weeks. But he knew he couldn’t cry. He had to hold it back because he was Brandon’s Best Man and it was his job today to take care of him and not upset him. “You’ve tried to squeeze a whole life into a few months, haven’t you?”
Brandon hung the towel back up and shrugged. “Tried,” was all he said and headed back out into the bedroom.
“How does Merlin feel about any of it? Does he want kids?” Jaxson asked, following Brandon.
“I don’t know. We can’t talk about the future. Now shut the fuck up or I’m going to cry.” Brandon made a zipping motion over his lips and the conversation was over.
Besides each having a Best Man - Wesley and Jaxson - Merlin and Brandon decided to have a joint wedding party instead of two sides of a whole. Gender was erased too, all things considered. It didn’t matter if their wedding party were male or female, just that they were the special people they wanted standing at their side while they got married. Collectively, they had Wesley, Jaxson, Damien, Jesse, Justin, Sasha, Cassidy, Olympia, Montana, Autumn, Layla, and Vesper (Jaxson’s sister, who Brandon had no idea was actually there for the wedding). It was times like this, Merlin was really glad Brandon was who he was because he had resources to call upon to make shit happen at the last minute.
Together, they decided on cobalt blue, black, and silver colour theme for the sole reason that Brandon remembered Merlin was wearing a silk cobalt blue shirt with black trimming the night they met in London. The grooms were in matching blue and black crystal couture suits, and their wedding party in fun outfits with the same colour scheme (with the girls gifted crystal Jimmy Choos for the occasion). Even though neither would actually know what it looked like until they got there, the reception venue was decorated lavishly with the chosen colours, complete with theirwedding cake that took them all of thirty seconds on Google to agree upon on the proviso that the top two tiers had layer cakes inside them that matched Gay Pride flag and Pansexual Pride flag, along with tiny little highlights of each of their birthstones (yellow topaz for Merlin’s November and blue topaz for Brandon’s December) through the pearl and crystal decorations.
At first, seeing as they were chose the Cape Cod location, they thought a wedding on the beach would be a nice idea but neither had their hearts set on it. It wasn’t one of the things they absolutely needed to make their day, they just wanted a nice place that would look good in the photos because… memories. In the end, they decided on an evening ceremony on dusk for a few reasons. First, Brandon thought he would look less like The Walking Dead when the sun was down and his chemo-sensitive skin wouldn’t get burnt. Second, on the off chance there had been a leak about Brandon’s wedding, it would be harder for covert unauthorised pictures to be snapped in the evening light. When they saw what the wedding venue could look like at night, and that it had beautiful tree coverage to obscure photos by rogue drones but looked gorgeous with lanterns, it was an easy choice.
Things didn’t really go to plan throughout the day in the lead-up to the ceremony but that was okay. They had plenty of people around to help keep things on track and eventually, after his dad slipped him a generous shot of whiskey and his mom sat him down and reminded him he wouldn’t have happen memories if he stressed the entire day, Merlin started to calm down and let himself chillout. Jaxson came through around 1pm and told Merlin that Brandon kept falling asleep while Lewis tried to make his complexion look a little less cancer patient-chique so they figured it was best to just let him nap. Merlin agreed it was a good call and decided to leave waking him until the last possible minute, seeing as they hadn’t gotten a lot of sleep the night before. Cue the male side of the wedding party to all share high-fives in their honour of an apparently successful wedding-eve night.
It wasn’t too long now until the wedding cars would arrive to take them to the venue. Merlin started to feel overwhelmed when he watched everyone converging downstairs of the beach house, hanging out and laughing while they waited. The enormity hit him and he kicked his shoes off, heading out the back to go and stand on the beach, nursing a mimosa Olympia had given him awhile ago to his chest as he sucked in a lungful of sea air, waiting for it to sober him. He kind of felt like he was going to throw up and maybe that would help him feel better but he was used to a knotted sick stomach when he was nervous. Or maybe mixing blue-label whiskey with a mimosa wasn’t a good idea. He decided it definitely wasn’t a good idea at all when the mimosa was on rewind all over the sand at his feet but as soon as he had that release, the knot loosened and he stood up, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand.
“Dude, if you’re pregnant, we really gotta talk about protection,” Wesley joked, coming up beside Merlin and patting his back. He offered him a tin of Altoids, giving it a shake. “Breath mint. You don’t want your wedding kiss to suck. I’d ask if you’re but I could see back in the house you weren’t. You’re overwhelmed. And that’s okay. Today’s huge. You’re getting married. In, like, an hour-ish. So, just take your time and have your moment of overwhelm.”
Merlin took a few of the mints and dropped them into his mouth, pouring the rest of the mimosa out and kicking sand over it and where he’d just been sick. “Please tell me no one’s in there thinking I’m getting cold feet. It ain’t that.”
“‘Course it ain’t,” Wesley murmured, looking back up at the house over his shoulder, still squinting even though he was wearing sunglasses. He still wasn’t feeling 100% himself but the nausea and vomiting had eased with medication and sticking to a liquid diet since he was discharged from hospital. He had probably been awake collectively since then all of an hour and a half. He was exhausted and everything ached but nothing was going to make him miss his BFF’s big day. He knew Merlin and there was a significant chance that even if Brandon passed away, Merlin likely wouldn’t remarry either ever or for a very, very long time. He put his arm around Merlin’s shoulders. “They all know what today means and no one is pretending to understand what either of you are feeling. And don’t worry, Brandon ain’t freaking out if you’re okay either. He just asked for only one of us to come out to you so you ain’t crowded.”
Merlin offered Wesley a half-smile, half-smirk. “You drew the short straw, huh? Or did you have a Rock-Paper-Scissors off with Damo and Jess?”
Wesley laughed and shook his head. “Nope. I’m Best Man. I win by default. That’s why I’m here. That’s why I’ve always been here and I wouldn’t miss it. Seriously, I would’ve had that drop me in by a fucking chopper on a hospital bed if all else failed. I didn’t mean to check out on you, buddy. I felt like a fucking ass when I woke up and was told I did.”
“Oh, hey, don’t be basic. It wasn’t your fault. It was risky with the HIV infection. That’s why we had Evan there. I’d rather you have checked out through it, to be honest. It made you real sick. I don’t think I was prepared for how ill you’d be. You think I would be, taking care of Bran, huh? Bran ain’t having hallucinations and seizures.” Merlin stretched his back muscles and looked at Wes, biting his lip. “Brandon wants to come out.”
Wesley’s eyebrows shot up and he pushed his sunnies onto his head to hold his curly hair out of his eyes. “Today?!”
Merlin shook his head. “No. Well, yeah, probably, if things weren’t so complicated. I wouldn’t put it past him if he wasn’t him and we weren’t in this situation. I just think he’s serious about it. I think there’s a serious chance he’s going to wanna take on the network contracts legally to get outta them. Which means, he’s willing to risk his job for it and it could mean going public about being married too. But… there won’t be time for any of that if he doesn’t get bone marrow. He’s told me before if they give him a terminal diagnosis, he’s quitting the show and publicly coming out because he doesn’t wanna die in the closet. I feel like today ain’t really a whole new chapter of a new life and more like the beginning of the end. But I’m still excited to marry him. So, I’m just kinda… confused and yeah, overwhelmed. Happy, but with exceptions, I guess? I don’t want anyone to think I ain’t happy.”
“No one thinks that, bud. The person you love is sick and might die but that doesn’t take away the fact you love him, and he loves you. So fucking much. And I’ve been kinda getting a taste of how that feels myself and it’s… thrilling and exciting but in sort of a surreal way. Because it’s still scary and you’re kinda conscious you’re flying blind. I just don’t think that’s really a bad thing. It’s just this whole other level for you. Unless there’s something specifically that’s worrying you right in this moment, making you feel like it’s hard to breathe?” Wesley asked because he knew Merlin’s generalized stress and he knew Merlin’s stress with a side order of ADHD. This really wasn’t the same.
Merlin closed his eyes and took a breath, focusing on it when he let it out slowly again, nodding. “The next time we’re all together like this could be a funeral. That just kind of caught my breath back there in the house seeing everyone in one contained place. It’s okay. I have to feel these things. I think I’m ready though.”
Wesley rubbed Merlin’s back, closely analysing his face. “You sure? It’s your wedding, you’re allowed to be a lil’ late if you need to.”
“No, I’m ready. But as my Best Man, please don’t let anyone else hand me alcohol. We’ll run the booze teetotal gauntlet together.” Merlin gave Wesley a hug and they held each other tightly, letting Merlin take the time to emotionally recalibrate the best he could. “Okay. Let’s go do this.”
“Hey, bitch! Did you really think you could go get married without us?”
Brandon stepped out of the stretch limo, narrowly avoiding tripping when someone called out and distracted him. He shielded his eyes from the setting sunlight, trying to see who was shouting. That’s when he spotted Jaxson standing with his sister, Vesper, and his parents, who very much weren’t back at their home in Australia and were here, in Cape Cod. They were actually there. He knew Jaxson had that FaceTime chat with Vesper but he hadn’t at all taken him seriously that he could get them here in time for the wedding. What’s more, Vesper was in a perfectly-fitting bridesmaid dress so Merlin had to have been in on that. This was confirmed when Merlin caught his eye from where he was standing with his Wesley on the other side of the car and he gave him a smile that looked like it could light up a small town with its brightness.
There were a couple more beats of shock before Vesper squealed and somehow managed to run in those Jimmy Choos over to him with the rest of her family and he was engulfed in a huge group-hug. He squeaked, and reflexively nudged them back. “Shit, I’m sorry! I just… have a lot of pain and holy crap, did I forget how tightly you hug. Fuck, I can’t believe you actually got here in time? How the hell did you manage that?! I… just…” He was released from the hug and stood there, gaping in shock, tearing up. But he blinked them back because he needed to save them up for later where he was pretty sure he was going to cry his eyes completely out of tears by the end of the night.
The Colts all did recoil once they realised they were hurting him and Mrs Colt did the whole mom-fuss-preen-scrutinizing once-over thing. “Oh my god, you’re getting married!” Vesper shrieked, bouncing a little on the spot, looping her arm around Brandon’s shoulder. “Honey, your man is cute as a freaking button! Is he shorter than me? Bloody hell, I want to pinch his cheeks and ruffle his hair!” She gave Jaxson a sisterly whack in the arm. “You didn’t say how adorable he was! He’s this whole tiny little package of cute!”
“What!” Jaxson laughed, shaking his head. “Do you realise how hard Brandon would pay someone to kick my ass if I said all that shit about his man? You get away with it, you’re a chick. Not that that necessarily matter because Merlin’s pansexual but I happen to know he’s only got eyes for Bran anyway. A whole lot of extremely happy all-night-shagging eyes,” he added, shooting Brandon a cheeky grin.
Brandon scrunched his face up, turning his face to the sky before he could meet Mr and Mrs Colt’s eyes at that common. “Oh jesus christ,” he laughed and before Jaxson could continue that train of thought and embarrass him more, flagged down Merlin’s attention so he could introduce them all. “Merlin! Can you come over here a sec, sweetheart?”
“Sweetheart. N’aww…” Vesper cooed teasingly, grinning as she tugged on Brandon’s lapel. “Listen to you all loved up. Never thought we’d see the day! Especially not with a guy. I totally thought for so long you were banging your co-star.”
“Ves, zip it. That’s a raw nerve,” Jaxson warned, grabbing his sister’s hand so she stopped bugging Brandon… even if her job when they were back in Oregon going to school together was to consistently bug the hell out of the boys because she did it so well. Really, they had all gotten along like a house on fire. There was never any arguments or nastiness. They just liked to bug each other and pull the piss out of each other like pros. As far as Vesper had always been concerned, Brandon was another brother to her, which upped the ante.
Mr Colt put his arm around his daughter’s shoulder. “Let’s give the boy a break on his wedding day, huh? How are you holding up, son? You’re looking a little better than we anticipated.” Mostly because Vesper had reported him looking like he wasn’t far from his death-bed after the FaceTime chat a few days prior.
Brandon smiled with a bit of a laugh. “Yeah, you can thank one of the best Makeup Artists in showbiz for this. I didn’t want to scare the wedding guests away. Even if a lot of them have seen me at my worst. I’m… well, today, I’m good. Which is an accomplishment.”
Merlin’s family had come out to make sure he was holding up okay after Wesley had reported he was sick back on the beach but only once. He had to extract himself from the uber-fussing mode they were all in and urged them to go inside to wait for the ceremony before turned their fuss radars on Brandon. That was inevitable these days since his parents had pretty much adopted both Brandon and Noah into their family brood. “Wes, go get some cold water to sip on, okay? You’ll be okay to get through the ceremony?” he asked, heading over to where Brandon was with Jaxson and his family.
“Oh my god, is that his Best Man? He’s a shorty too! Why are they all so cute? Tell me, is he single? Why is he asking if he’ll be okay for the ceremony?” Vesper asked Brandon before Merlin moved away from the guy he was talking to.
“Gay, taken, just out of hospital. Long story,” Brandon explained quickly before Merlin came over. He grinned, wrapping his arm around Merlin’s waist and they shared a kiss. “Wesley okay, baby? I just wanted you to meet Jaxson’s family. Even though I’ve figured you’ve had some input with them surprising me. Guys, this is Merlin, my soon-to-be husband. Merlin, this is his Vesper, she’s the same age as Jax and me, and his mom and dad, Niamh and Jarod, who took care of me during some of the hardest years of my life. It’s actually Jarod I owe my life to. He drove me down to LA from Oregon for my audition for WS all those years ago. I might not have made it otherwise.”
Merlin raised his eyebrows. “Oregon. Wow. I just realised I didn’t know your pre-WS hometown. Not that it matters now.” He gave them all a smile and a little wave but followed it with some friendly hugs, considering they were pretty much family to Brandon. “It’s real nice to meet y’all. And I didn’t really have much direct input, so I can’t take that credit. It was Montana. None of this today would be happening without her and our wedding planner. Wow, I can’t believe you guys made it. You must be so jetlagged, but I know it means the world to Bran that you could come.”
Mrs Colt had hold of Brandon’s hand and was rubbing the back of it, like she could somehow nurture him back to health. She smiled at them. “Goodness me, we would never forgive ourselves if we missed this. It was a wonderful surprise to hear Brandon was getting married and we knew it’s not something he would ever do lightly. Not the Brandon we know.”
“Listen, I just want to go into all this like I have with everyone else recently and ask that no one feels like they need to walk on eggshells around me. I’m just going to grab the giant elephant in the room and kick it to the curb. I have cancer and I’m running out of time. I’m having chemo, even if I still have my hair which confuses a lot of people. I don’t really want to get into any of it here before my wedding but it’s real. It’s happening and I’m really conscious we’ve haven’t talked in a really long time. But we will.” Brandon smiled at Jaxson’s family and then gave them all some kisses and hugs. “I’m so glad you’re here and that you could come. I need to take a few moments with Merlin before the ceremony, so head in and take a seat. It’s going to be pretty full-on, so brace yourself,” he added with a laugh.
“Thanks so much for coming to help us make special memories. There’s, like, an endless supply of Kleenex at the door, so help yourselves,” Merlin laughed, gesturing towards the walkway leading to where their ceremony was going to take place with the beautiful sound of the waves a short walk to the beach away as a backdrop.
Once they were alone, Brandon turned to Merlin, taking his hands. “Humour me? Wes said you were sick.”
Merlin sighed and gave Brandon a knowing smile, squeezing his hands. “I’m good, I promise. Better than good. Amazing. After our night together last night, are you kidding? I have to keep talking my dick down in a hostage situation seeing you in your suit and makeup. This is the first time I’ve seen you in guyliner in the flesh. I was sick because I just stressed myself out and mimosa is some nasty shit on a nervy belly.” He pulled Brandon into a hug and they took some time to share some tender kisses. “Now you humour me. I didn’t know the situation with Jaxson’s family but Montana said you didn’t have an issue with them, even if there was the estrangement between you and Brandon so I left it in her hands to get Vesper what she needed to join the wedding party.”
“No issues. I’m over the moon they can be here. It’ll probably hit me more later once we’ve had the ceremony. I totally didn’t realise I never told you I’m from Oregon originally.” Brandon rested his forehead against Merlin’s, closing his eyes. He took a few deep breaths, rubbing Merlin’s back. “I’m nervous. Can we just stay here a couple of minutes? I love you. We’re really doing this, huh?”
“‘Course we can.” Merlin smiled, bumping noses with Brandon before stealing another kiss, nodding. “We’re really doing this, darlin’.”
All the guests were waiting in the bar area for a cocktail hour while they waited for the wedding. Right before they were seated, Justin climbed up on one of the chairs with his microphone, sticking his fingers in his mouth to whistle for everyone’s attention. “Hey! Hi, can I have y’all’s attention for a moment. As you all know, Merlin and Brandon are here today to make memories and celebrate the love they have. They both want music to be a big part of tonight and I promise, there’s going to be plenty of using music to make memories. We’ve got a hell of a sound system rigged up for the reception and an excellent DJ, so I’m going to ask y’all to pause for a moment before you take a seat for the ceremony at the little white table near the head of the aisle. There’s some little sheets of paper and pens there. We’re going to celebrate your love with Merlin’s and Brandon’s tonight. If you’re in a relationship and lucky to have found that special person in your life, we want you to pick a song that means something special to you and write your name below. If you ain’t in love, pick a song that celebrates you or a love you hope to have one day. Throughout the night, we’re going to play all these songs as a wedding soundtrack for the guys to keep to remember their wedding, dedicating each song to the people have requested it. Just drop the paper in the jar on the table. Remember, have fun! Dance, sing! And I guess there’s only one more thing to say - everybody cut…” He held the mic out to the group, cupping his ear with a grin.
“Footloose!” They all called out and cheered.
Once the announcement was over, the wedding planner started to usher the guests outside and up the path to where the ceremony was happening. The sun was setting and the lanterns in the tree looked absolutely beautiful. At the head of the aisle off to one side, there was a portable digital piano and a guitar with a couple of microphone stands. Wesley and Jaxson watched by the door where the wedding aisle began as Justin snapped his microphone in place on one of them, chatting with the wedding planner while everyone trailed in to sit down. Justin was gesturing about something or other, clearly more than having his finger on the pulse of the wedding entertainment.
“So, did you ever expect your BFF would get married like this?” Jaxson asked, striking up a conversation while they waited with the rest of the wedding party for the wedding planner’s cue to take their spots when Brandon and Merlin were ready to walk up the aisle together.
“Like this? Oh, yeah. Totally. I mean, I always figured he’d have an awesome memorable wedding because when he found The One, he would wanna give them his all. But when he was nineteen? No. And not to a dude.” Wesley shrugged, sipping the club soda Noah got for him while he waited for the ceremony to start.
Jaxson scrutinized Wesley for a moment, glad he looked better than the last time he saw him but he figured the makeup dude probably had a hand in that too, like he had with Brandon. The dude was cool as all shit too, in full glam makeup himself and looking like he was born in wet-look leather. Unfortunately, when asking Brandon if the guy was single, he was told he was married with a child. “How long have you known Merlin was into guys too?”
“Well, technically he ain’t. His sexuality is genderless. How long have I known he was into people collectively rather than just being into chicks? About a year now, give or take. He’s the reason I had the balls to come out myself. But really, thinking back, I can see how he was never straight. He was never really a flirt and was determined to hang on to his v-card until he found the right person, so it meant something. Me? I flung mine to the first chick who asked me on a date,” Wesley admitted, scrunching his nose up and shaking his head. “Wish I’d waited, followed his lead.”
“Is that when you realised you were gay, when you slept with a chick?” Jaxson asked, curious about Merlin and Wesley’s background. They were going to be Brandon’s family now, he was interested in who they were and where they came from. Especially considering he heard Wesley’s screams about his father when he was hallucinating during his detox. But he knew Wes wouldn’t remember any of that and he didn’t want to interrogate him about what he had just been through.
Wesley shook his head. “Nope. It was before that. I slept with her trying to get the gay outta me, so to speak. I desperately needed to not be gay back then. Long story. My father’s a Catholic pastor of our local church and a homophobic cunt. Ergo, he brainwashed my whole family into being homophobic cunts. And because contraception is a sin or some shit, I’m the youngest of eight kids. I have seven older sisters and there’s a seven year age gap between me and my youngest sister. That leaves a whole harsh glaring spotlight on me and… yeah. Seeing as we’re gonna be joint BFFs to Merlin and Brandon. I had a pretty fucked up religious upbringing so to answer your question, I’ve spent the better part of four years trying to drown out the fact I’m gay and all it did was get met hooked on booze and pills. I apologise if you heard or witnessed me losing my shit the other day.”
Jaxson held his hand up with a smile. “Don’t, mate. You don’t owe me or anyone an apology for that. If anyone owes anyone anything it’s me, owing you a thanks for when I had my puke and blood fail the day I rocked up on B’s doorstep without notice. I’m usually not that bad with it. I think I was just in shock seeing him so sick. I read it on Instagram and all that but I didn’t really believe it was true until I saw it with my own eyes. Do you remember any of what happened while you’re detoxing?”
Wesley looked up at Jaxson, taking another sip of his drink. “I understand, dude. My intro to Brandon was pretty full-on too. I know all this today, it’s gonna be impossible for anyone not to think we might lose him soon. Merlin’s struggling so I know you will be too. I’m glad your family’s here with you.” His turned his gaze back to Justin, who, to look at as he was now, you would never know he battled so many demons. How easy it was to put up a facade. Wesley knew that more than ever now. “I think I remember up to the point it got serious and they called 911. Nothing after that. Just remember waking up in hospital.”
Jaxson was about to answer but the wedding planner was suddenly there telling them to take their places and Justin was sitting up at the piano, ready to play. Nerves and fear flooded through him in this moment, hearing the music start in the wake of Wesley’s poignant words. He took a deep breath, bracing himself to watch his BFF get married… because in a few weeks, they all might have to say goodbye to him forever.
Brandon asked Justin to sing an acoustic cover of Beyonce's Halo for he and Merlin to walk up the aisle to. There were a lot of songs that could fit his array of emotions that day but this said a lot about his deep feelings for Merlin right now. When he heard the song begin, he drew in a deep breath and squeezed Merlin’s hand, giving him a smile. They both had sweaty hands and Merlin had an air of a dear-in-headlights look once the music started. It was adorable. They were both nervous and scared for reasons they couldn’t really put into words. They had showed each other a lot last night, though. Brandon wasn’t - at all - regretting his decision to take the Viagra.
Before they did their duty of walking up the aisle in pairs, everyone in their wedding party (sans Justin) gave them hugs and cheek kisses. Brandon was glad colour-stay lipstick was invented or their faces would be littered with lipstick kisses by now. He leaned close to Merlin, waiting their turn to walk up the aisle, and whispered, “You okay? Ready?”
Merlin looked up at him, swallowing heavily and biting his lip. “Ready, yes. Okay? I don’t think so…” He closed his eyes and wrapped his arm around Brandon’s waist. He intended to stop there but instead, he was pulling him into a clinging embrace, face buried into Brandon’s neck. Until there was a soft tap on his shoulder.
“On the count of three, boys,” the wedding planner told them, giving them the thumbs up.
Brandon cupped Merlin’s face in his hands and gave him a gentle kiss before taking his hand again with another squeeze. It was hard to see just how many people were there when they started walking up the aisle, especially in the evening light. It was freaking gorgeous and he felt like he was locked in some sort of dream sequence. He had filmed them for the show when Saxon had his psychic visions and this had the same surreal sensation to it. As soon as they got close enough to make out faces, he was choking up with emotion and couldn’t help grinning so much his cheeks ached. If it wasn’t for the feeling of Merlin’s warm sweaty hand squeezed tightly in his, he would think this was a dream he would wake up in a night sweat from feeling sick to his stomach like so many nights recently. There were a lot of faces he didn’t recognise but that was okay. By the end of the night, he knew Merlin would make sure he knew who everyone was. Perhaps the best part, too, was that no one had their phones out because they decided on an ‘unplugged’ ceremony where only their two photographers (Jaxson and a guy Merlin knew called Max) were capturing the memories.
He was so relieved everyone else had everything in hand for the wedding preparations because there was no way he or Merlin could have pulled any of this off alone. It was incredible and he didn’t know how they did it in such a limited timeframe. It started to sink in that he really was getting married and it was only when the wedding party parted at the end of the aisle, waiting until after Damien and Jesse hugged them both and stepped aside, it was revealed who was standing up the front the celebrant should be.
Norm… with Joan beside him, both beaming at him.
It took a few beats of shock where he stopped walking and froze, gaping, hand up to his mouth. He glanced at Merlin, who was giving him one of those billion-watt smile, and then burst into tears before he could stop himself, stepping up to them to be engulfed in their familiar hugs full of love. “What did you-- how did you-- oh my god,” he sobbed and pulled Merlin into the hug, giving him a kiss. “How the fuck did you pull this off?!”
Merlin just laughed, shaking his head. “I really don’t know. Ask me again in a week when I’ve caught up on my sleep,” he joked and was folded into a hug by Joan, who you would swear had known him his whole life by now. “Norm’s gonna marry us, darlin’. I wanted everyone to be able to make memories of you, not just you making memories of all us.” He turned back to look at their guests, holding his hands up. “Sorry, sorry. I ain’t trying to make y’all cry so soon.”
Once Brandon was done with his greeting hugs from Norm and Joan, he pulled Merlin into a hug like he never wanted to let him go. “I love you so fucking much,” he murmured against his ear and they shared a kiss. When Merlin took a pack of Kleenex from his pocket (one of four Cas neatly and strategically placed on him) and quickly wiped away Brandon’s tears for him so they could at least manage to get through the ceremony, proving exactly why Halo was the perfect song to walk up the aisle together. No one knew just how much Merlin had done for him since they met. Brandon knew in just a few minutes time, he was going to have to try to put all that into words… somehow.
They were probably supposed to hold hands but it was easier for them to put their arms around each other. Merlin was short enough for his arm to always tuck perfectly around Brandon’s waist and Brandon’s comfortable fit around Merlin’s shoulders. Without even thinking about it, when Justin handed his microphone to Norm, he started to rub comforting little circles to Brandon’s back and took a deep, bracing breath himself. He shot Justin a grateful smile and Justin gave him an encouraging wink, patting his shoulder as he went to stand with Sasha and the rest of the wedding party for the ceremony. Before anything was even starting, he was biting the inside of his lip to try his best not to cry.
It was ultimately surprising he didn’t bite through his lip with Norm’s service. He spoke about the day they met Brandon and how hard it was for him to open his heart to them, which told them it was hard for him to open his heart to anyone. Which meant that Merlin had performed miracles and he saw just how much when they visited Idaho on their road trip. That for the first time since Brandon came into their lives, they felt like they could stop worrying about whether he was being taken care of, even if it came with the added shock to hear he was seriously sick with cancer at such a young age. Finally, he said that no matter whether the end is near or far, he knows Merlin and Brandon will be together because he knows that Brandon is such a good actor, he is an expert at acting happy in his private life away from the screen. But for the first time since they met, he saw Brandon’s real happiness in the moments right before he kisses Merlin, which is a happiness no one can fake when they’re really in love.
Then it was time for the vows and suddenly Merlin had Justin’s sparkly microphone in his hand. That in itself was a big because it was usually the only person who used it was Justin. He swallowed nervously, brushing his thumb over the smooth surface of the rainbow crystals encasing the microphone. It took him a few moments to put the microphone to his mouth to speak. All this was a lot more emotional than he had anticipated and he had been anticipating it since they decided to have the wedding.
Taking Brandon’s hand, Merlin finally found his voice. “Brandon and I decided to write our own vows because nothing about us is traditional, and to be honest, they didn’t even come close to cutting what we want to vow to each other. So, I started to write my own and I realised that all I was doing was writing a letter to Brandon, because maybe I don’t want to vow anything to him. This isn’t a marriage because we’re promising each other anything more than to be together for as long as we can. Vows are for the future and we all know that’s something Brandon ain’t promised right now. So, I’m gonna make my promises for him now, today.”
“I was going to read the letter out to Brandon today, instead of vows. But neither of us got very much sleep last night and we talked about everything I’d written in it. And something I think all of us here today knows is that overcoming challenges to still make love work isn’t something that could ever fit on a two-dimensional piece of paper or in a handful of lines for vows. So, I promise you this, Brandon Blake. No matter what happens in the coming weeks, you won’t be alone. If you go to bed tonight in pain and wake up in the morning sick yet again, I’ll be with you and make sure you have everything you need to be as comfortable as you can be, which I know isn’t at all on your bad days. I’ll hold you when you feel your worst, and hug you with everything I’ve got when you feel your best. When you cry, I’ll cry with you. When you laugh, it’ll probably be at me but I’ll laugh with you anyway,” he joked, squeezing Brandon’s hand. “But most of all, I’ll fight this with you. I’ll be there with you every day that you struggle to wake up when I know… I know you don’t know how to keep going most days, so on those days I’ll keep going for you and hold you up the best I can, no matter what it takes. I love you more than I know how to say anymore… and on your worst days, I love you even more, and always will no matter how near or far the end is,” he promised, glancing at Norm with a teary smile.
Brandon had tears dripping down his cheeks but he was smiling, bringing Merlin’s hand up to his lips to kiss his fingers. When Merlin offered him the microphone, Brandon gave him a kiss and smiled. “I need help with my turn.” Though Brandon wasn’t even sure he would be able to find his voice after Merlin’s words. He was choked up and barely over his sob-fest seeing Norm and Joan had made the trip from Idaho, not just for their wedding but so Norm could perform their ceremony. He didn’t recover from said sob-fests very well these days, so he needed to make it through just a little bit longer so they could at least manage to officially get married.
He could see Merlin’s confused smile, wondering what the hell was going on, when Justin stepped up to loop his guitar over his shoulders and brought the microphone stand over to stand by Brandon. At first, Brandon only ever intended to ask Justin to sing at his wedding, a song for Merlin. It was one that went a little way to putting into words what he had been feeling lately. It was Justin who suggested they sing it together but he would take most of the vocal structuring because Brandon didn’t have the strength in his voice anymore. If he somehow by some miracle managed to beat cancer and went into remission with bone marrow, it would take a lot of vocal training to be able to sing professional for the show again. But Wicked Symphony seemed so distant to him now, he had been feeling more and more like he was never going back to it and that part of his life was over. Little by little, more and more pieces of his life would slip away. The only part he cared about holding onto until the end was here with him today, in front of him, and surrounding him.
The song was the acoustic cover of Wherever You Will Go and Brandon was nervous when Justin started playing. There was a tiny part of him that had nerves akin to stage fright where there was a vague urge to throw up but he was pretty sure that was muscle memory from how often he had his head in a toilet lately. He had spoken to Justin a few times about this in the days leading up to the wedding and he kept reassuring Brandon with one thing - just trust him with the music and follow his lead. It was easy because before he even met Justin, Merlin had told him what a magician Justin was with - literally - playing it by ear. It was reassuring because all Brandon wanted was to share a song with Merlin that showed how he felt, no matter whether, just like Norm and Merlin had said, the end was near or far. And so he did, he followed Justin’s lead and sang the song to Merlin.
Merlin had his hand over his mouth before the song even started but once Brandon started singing with Justin, he was digging around in his pockets trying to find more of the tissues Cassidy stashed on him, knowing he would need them. But it was like he forgot where pockets existed and he was more fumbling than anything else. Thankfully, his Best Man came to the rescue, sneaking up behind him and tucking a handful of Kleenex into his palm. It was only once he started wiping up the tears that he couldn’t stop falling that he realised Justin wasn’t standing beside Brandon, he had shifted more behind him so he was out of Merlin’s line of sight, even if he was holding the vocals. And it was truly one of the most beautiful moments of Merlin’s life. The people he loved were helping him make sure he and Brandon had the best wedding day they could with so many challenges.
The lyrics got him. When he reminded himself to really listen to them. He spent two-thirds of the song wiping away tears he couldn’t stop falling but it was after the bridge, he was done. "I know now, just quite how my life and love might still go on. In your heart, in your mind, I'll stay with you for all of time." He broke down and almost ended up crouching down under the weight of what he was feeling. It was almost like the Karaoke night all over but thankfully not quite as embarrassing. Instead, Wesley was back at his side and held Merlin up around his waist, pulling more tissues from his pocket so it wasn’t the same soggy snotty few sheets he first started. He was too much of a mess to realise everyone in his vicinity started crying too or that there were boxes of Kleenex being passed around like a church collection plate. Someone had a lot of forethought, either Montana or the wedding planner. Thank fuck for waterproof mascara.
Once the song was over, Brandon stepped over to Merlin to embrace him. He rubbed his back and whispered in his ear telling him he was beautiful and he loved him. It wasn’t even really for the sentiment but more to calm him down before he puked like he did at the Karaoke bar. It was comforting and somehow, Merlin managed to pull himself semi-together with more tissues for his tissues, handing some of them to Brandon with a little teary laugh. They wiped away each other’s tears so they could at least get to the ring ceremony.
Norm asked Wesley and Jaxson for the rings, taking a closer look at them once he had them in his hand. He told the guests they were personalised with an engraving of each other’s heartlines and birthstones. Brandon appreciated Norm’s genuine ability to tell a good story in this moment because it gave him and Merlin a chance to regroup. He had his arm around Merlin’s waist, tracing little circles to his hip beneath the hem of his crystal-embellished jacket. At least until he started to feel sick at the worst possible time and even if this had been his norm of late, he couldn’t believe it was happening right now, at the worst possible moment. Was it too much to ask to just be able to get married in peace? Apparently. “Baby, I think I’m going to be sick,” he warned Merlin in a murmur.
Merlin responded reflexively as soon as he heard the words. “We just need a minute,” he cut in on Norm apologetically, already quickly helping Brandon move away from the ceremony area. He didn’t know if they would make it to a bathroom but at the very least, he wanted to get Brandon somewhere he was away from an audience. He got him just around the corner of the building before Brandon vomited, leaning right over so he didn’t get any of it on his wedding clothes.
“Well, I’m glad I didn’t take bets on whether it was a quickie or a cold feet,” Jaxson offered when he came around the corner with Wesley. Granted, he was keeping his head turned away from where Brandon was getting sick in a garden bed. No one needed him going out in sympathy too. “Take your time, mate. No one will mind waiting.” He held up a bottle of water he made sure he had on hand just in case this happened.
Merlin nodded, concentrating on keeping Brandon’s hair out of his face. “Thanks, bro. He’s only had fluids all day, it shouldn’t be too harrowing.”
Wesley held up his trusty tin of Altoids and a box of Kleenex. “I mean, if y’all got married without B puking, was it even getting married? I think Justin’s going to pull something out of his bag of tricks to keep everyone entertained for a minute.”
Brandon straightened up once he was done but before he could put his hand to his mouth, Merlin caught it before he could get it messed up and wiped his mouth with some Kleenex instead. “It’s okay, guys. You go back. We’ll be there in a minute. Tell Justin thanks and apologise to Norm.” He tipped some of the water into some more tissues and patted it to the back of Brandon’s neck. “You okay, darlin’? Do you need meds? I’m got them here.”
Brandon nodded, taking a mouthful of water to rinse his mouth out. “Epic fucking fail,” he mumbled through a cough, drinking some of the water this time.
“Don’t worry, we’re still gonna put a ring on it.” Merlin took Brandon’s meds out of his inner breast pocket and found the ones he had for upset stomach and vomiting. He waited until he took them and then offered him the mints. “Better now? Shh, no apologising,” he quickly added, putting his finger to his lips.
Brandon must’ve tipped about ten of the mints into his palm because he was fucking damned if cancer was going to fuck up his wedding kiss. “Baby, I--”
Merlin shook his head. “Not now or I’m gonna start bawling my eyes out again.” He gave him a smile and then rose up on his tiptoes to kiss Brandon’s forehead. “Let’s go be husbands.”
All in all, they only lost a few minutes of the ceremony and Justin was happily serenading the guests until they got back. Brandon might look a little more peaky than what he had at the start of the ceremony but that was foreign either. Norm gave them both and understanding smile and Brandon let Joan fuss over him for a couple of moments, checking he was okay to keep going, like a typical grandmother worth her weight in gold. Brandon reassured her he was okay now, accepting the cheek kisses before she went to sit with Merlin’s parents again.
Once things were back on track, Norm invited Merlin’s brothers, Jesse and Damien, to step up and do a couple of readings Merlin and Brandon had chosen when Merlin wanted them both to be part of the ceremony. They were both creative people and they wanted beautiful words to mark their occasion because their ceremony wasn’t traditional… it was their own unique and personalising it was important to both of them.
Damien had stressed about this bit for the better part of two days after Merlin asked him and Jesse to do readings for them. Merlin promised it would only be short and he couldn’t fuck it up because he would have it on paper in front of him. Still, he wanted this to be everything and it was such a beautiful way for Merlin to want to include his brothers in the ceremony. For all the performing he did on stage, this was the first time he had performance anxiety. He took the mic and gave Merlin and Brandon a smile, and started to read.
“Love isn’t always perfect. It isn’t a fairytale or a storybook. And it doesn’t always come easy. Love is overcoming obstacles, facing challenges, fighting to be together, holding on & never letting go. It is a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define, & impossible to live without. Love is work, but most of all, Love is realising that every hour, every minute, & every second was worth it because you did it together.”
There were audible sniffles amongst their guests again and Merlin was tearing up but not to the point he was before. It just meant more than he could say to have Damien and Jesse a part of this. After all the obstacles finding out he was adopted, they were now both his big brothers and he adored them both to the moon and back. There was no way they couldn’t be part of the wedding. He was looking forward to the reception later too where Damien was going to sing a couple of songs for them but he kept what ones completely hush, despite Merlin’s prodding.
Damien handed the mic to Jesse and draped his arm around his shoulders. Their friendship was well and truly back on track and he couldn’t think of anyone else in the whole world he would rather share big-brothering with than Jesse. He followed the words as Jesse read them, getting teary himself at the poignancy of them. He couldn’t lie, all this was only making him want to get married even more himself.
When we share a secret
When your eyes sparkle
When we're just us
When we don't have to talk
When I watch you sleeping
When you remember
When I don't have to explain
When you walk into the room
When we are in a crowd
When I am by myself
When you are just being you
When you make me giggle
When I hear your heartbeat
When you reach for me
Even when you're not looking
That's when I love you.
After Jesse and Damien sat again, it was finally at the part of the ceremony where they officially got married. Norm gave Brandon Merlin’s wedding ring and asked him to repeat after him. Brandon listened, holding Merlin’s hand and smiling at, really not quite believing they had gotten here and it was happening. In a few short minutes, they really were going to be married and that was incredible.
“I, Brandon, with this ring, give you my loving heart,
As I have given you my hands to hold.
As a symbol of my love, my faith in our strength together,
And promises I make to you today,
To love you always
To hold you through sickness and health,
To have you as my friend, my love, and my husband.
Wear it and think of me, and know that I love you.”
Blowing out a shaky breath, not even trying to hold back his smile, he slipped the wedding ring on Merlin’s finger, twisting it a little to make sure it fit perfectly. Even though he couldn’t linger on it, he caught a glimpse of what it looked like on Merlin’s hand and a burst of warmth shot through him.
Grinning, Merlin twisted the ring a little himself, testing out how it felt. It was strange but not in a bad way. He didn’t think a piece of jewellery could carry such emotional weight until he was wearing it. Once it was there, he never wanted to take it off. Then Norm was giving him Brandon’s wedding ring. Brandon had his engagement ring on his other hand, which was apparently what happened for wedding ceremonies. Merlin had definitely learned a lot going into his. The minor blip in the system of Brandon getting sick didn’t take away any of the shine of this. It was just part of the package deal of their relationship. He listened to the ring vows Norm was prompting from the book he was holding and recited them easily, holding Brandon’s gaze as he slipped the ring onto his finger.
“I, Merlin, with this ring, give you my loving heart,
As I have given you my hands to hold.
As a symbol of my love, my faith in our strength together,
And promises I make to you today,
To love you always
To hold you through sickness and health,
To have you as my friend, my love, and my husband.
Wear it and think of me, and know that I love you.”
Brandon looked at the ring on his finger, closing his hands around both of Merlin’s. Norm smiled between them both, looking like he was living one of the proudest moments of his life. “And on that wonderful note, I now pronounce you husband and husband.” Placing his hands on Merlin and Brandon’s shoulders with a fatherly pat. “Now you can kiss.”
Everyone stood and started cheering. It was impossible to know who grabbed who in the kiss first but it was passionate and excited. “And I don’t even feel like throwing up,” Brandon laughed and pulled Merlin close in a cuddle. “Thank you… for being the most amazing person I’ve ever met and promising to love me for however long of my forever I have left.”
“I love you! We did it, darlin’. We made it in the end.” Merlin started to cry again but they were happy tears this time and he closed Brandon back in another hug, with them both soon engulfed in a massive group-hug with their families and wedding party.
LOG, COMPLETE