dreamlikenewyork | "How sweetly friendship binds our hearts in brother love."

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"How sweetly friendship binds our hearts in brother love."

Who: Wesley Knight, Noah Fitzpatrick, and Merlin Larson
What: Sharing News
Where: Eleven West, Mount Sinai
When: Morning after this and this

Wesley couldn't say he got a good sleep the night before but he did get patches here and there. The night sweats proved to be horrible when he kept waking up drenched. Staying in a hotel, there were no back-up sheets to call on. The upside was that Noah was with him so when he couldn't sleep because he was feverish, they made out... a lot. But they only had sex again when they woke up in the morning because Wes felt so crappy, the last thing he felt in the mood for was fucking. Noah really did understand that too. Wes didn't have to justify any of what he was feeling and Noah just helped him through it. He was even there to hold him when he had this burst of anger about what happened to him, what was happening to Merlin, and then broke down in frustrated tears somewhere around two am when he had a splitting headache that Advil wasn't touching.

So, it wasn't the best night he had but apparently he slept after that because he didn't wake until after eleven am feeling much more like himself. The ward Brandon was always in at hospital was this swanky unit like a five-star hotel and Wes was wondering what it was truly like to be a celebrity as he and Noah headed to the room number Merlin texted to him last night, hand-in-hand. He knocked softly on the door and stuck his head around the corner to see if Merlin was there. Brandon was asleep but Merlin was sitting in a recliner by his bed, flipping through a magazine.

He was still holding Noah's hand when they went into the room. He gave Merlin a smile, keeping his voice down. "Hey, buddy." He pointed at Noah with a sheepish smile. "Coffee friend..."

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Noah wasn't sure how Wesley had wanted to play this whole thing with Merlin. He thought he might have wanted to ease into it and on the way up in the elevator he offered to wait outside for him while he talked to Merlin about their private business. Wesley said that wasn't necessary and assured Noah Merlin was easygoing so there was no need for tiptoeing around on eggshells. He said he and Merlin had always kept things real with each other, especially the important stuff in life, so he wasn't about to start hedging around anything now. But Noah discovered he was he was nervous about this, worrying Merlin might not approve. Plus, it was surreal walking into a hospital room where there was a big deal celebrity asleep in the bed with various IV lines feeding into him, including a blood transfusion. But unless he knew he was Brandon Blake, he wouldn't have been able to tell, Brandon was wearing a hoodie while he slept and had his back to the door, wrapped up in a couple of chenille blankets. There was also the fact Noah didn't know Merlin very well. They had been ships passing in the night since Merlin moved to New York, so he just gave him a smile and a little wave. At the very least, Merlin would know he was HIV Positive like Wesley was. "Hi, Merlin. Long time, no see."

Merlin flipped the magazine closed when Wes came in, closely followed by Noah. Merlin's eyebrows shot up and his mouth dropped open in surprise when he saw Wes and Noah were holding hands. He knew he didn't quite have all the information but even with his brain a bit slow on the uptake lately, he still managed to connect the dots. He pointed at their joined hands and then held his finger up when the penny dropped. "Oh. Ohhhhh..." That was when he noticed Noah had hickies on his neck and his look of surprise quickly turned into an amused smirk. "Going for coffee with a friend, huh? Well, now I'm just gonna have to demand deets. Come sit by the window, we can talk. Brandon didn't have a good night so Lachlan's running another unit of blood and wants to monitor him for a bit longer. So, what's this? You guys dating?"

Wesley nodded with a grin when he and Noah took the sofa by the window and Merlin dropped into the armchair beside them. "Yeah, kinda. I say kinda because we haven't had an official date or anything yet but we're gonna give it a shot. Noah had an appointment to see Alex too and he recognised me in the waiting room, came over to keep me company because he noticed I was packing shit about everything. We were gonna get coffee but I was sick, so we made alternative arrangements and um... somewhere in the middle of all that, realised we can't exactly give each other HIV when we've both already got it. He's been a total sweetheart and we've got a lot in common." He analysed Merlin closely for a few moments. "You look tired, buddy. What's the latest on Brandon? He doesn't look too good. Will this delay his announcement? Fuck, I wouldn't want the world gawping at me like this but I have no idea what it's like to be in his shoes. Any news on a marrow match?"

"Are you sure you guys don't want me to leave you alone so you can talk? I don't mind hitting the cafeteria for awhile. I just feel like I'm intruding." Noah glanced over at Brandon but he seemed in a sound enough sleep that he hadn't stirred with their voices. He smiled with a little wave of his fingers. "It was no big deal. I understand what he's going through. This thing really ain't nice in its acute stage and it's always pounded with meds. They take time to get used to. He was feeling really poorly so I just wanted to help out but I never expected anything to end up like this, even if it totally sounds like I was fishing when I checked into a hotel room. I just thought it'd be quiet place we could talk and he had access to a bathroom," he tried to explain, wanting Merlin's blessing here. There might not be a need for it but he still wanted it and didn't want him to think he came onto his BFF the day he officially got his HIV diagnosis.

Merlin reached over and patted Noah's arm. "Hey, no! Of course not. If you're dating Wes, you got every right to be here with us. Actually, now I can see this in front of me, it makes total sense. It's true, you got a helluva lot in common. You both play music. I remember you're excellent with a guitar, Noah. Wes loves music. And you'll probably both be on the tour, right? Are you going for makeup, dude? I think it's great. A lil' bit of something nice in amongst all this crap. Wes, understandably, ain't dealt with the news too well but who would? No, stay. Please. I'm glad you can be there for him." He looked over at Brandon too and closed his eyes, rubbing his hand over his face when he remembered how heavy things were right now. "No news on the match front but it can take weeks to process samples. He threw up a lot of blood last night. They actually had to take him to the OR to put like a tube down his throat to do like a cauterizing thing in his gut where he had little vessels burst. Something along those lines. Sorry, I'm tired. I've got everything written down. He's okay. The just have to keep an eye on his blood loss and the source of it. He's had a lot of pain so he's pretty whacked out on painkillers. He wants to be away when the announcement goes up, so it's in limbo. Actually, buddy, there's um... I need to tell you something. Something pretty huge. And, uh... I guess I'm a little worried what you're going to think. What everyone's going to think, maybe..."

"I didn't even think about the tour, to be honest. I've gotta fucking get clean first, figure out what I'm doing with all that. I've gotta figure out what I'm doing with a lotta things but I just kinda took a timeout with Noah. The hotel was nice but the symptoms didn't shut off just because it was nice. I had a freakout last night too. Things just got overwhelming and I had a fucker of a headache. This shit is all new to us so if you've got any tips on making it work when there's other shit going on, I'm all ears." Throwing up blood didn't sound good at all, let alone a lot of it. Wesley knew Brandon had done that on and off in recent weeks but it settled after one or two times and wasn't a lot. "Merl, what's happened, buddy? It doesn't sound like he's been told he's terminal but something's bothering you. What the hell could you need to tell me that you'd have to be worried about it? It's okay. Just tell me. Whatever it is, don't be worried. What is it? You guys aren't breaking up, are you? Oh, fuck, he can't cover my medical bills, can he?"

Noah put his arm around Wes and gave his back a little supportive pat. This whole situation was so complicated and there was no precedent on how to deal with any of this. They just had to play it by ear. Whatever Merlin had to say sounded huge but he was pretty sure if he and Brandon had broken up, they wouldn't be here talking like this. Merlin wouldn't be so collected and friendly. He would probably be an epic emotional wreck. Whatever it was, it was huge. Merlin was nervy, despite what Wesley said about them keeping things real with each other in their friendship. He didn't say anything because he really didn't want to interlope on the conversation until Merlin at least got out what he needed to. Now Wes was tense and probably trying not to freak out. Brandon wouldn't just pull back that offer for no reason would he? And if it was that, why would it matter what anyone else thought for Merlin to be worried about it?

Merlin waved his hands, shaking his head. "Shit. No. In fact, Brandon outright said he doesn't want you worrying about any of that. He'll get his legal team to take care of all your bills directly so you don't have to worry about it. And we're definitely not breaking up. It's nothing like. Very much nothing like that..." He looked away, exhaling when he sorted through his emotions and thoughts, remembering again there was no simple way to let anyone know this. He wanted Wes to be one of the first, along with Jesse and Damien but the how was the harder part to figure out. "Brandon and I getting married. Soon. Like, next couple of weeks soon. I know it's a shock and outta the blue. People are gonna worrying it's rushed and for all the wrong reasons but... there ain't really any wrong reasons with cancer and the fact he'd be terminal without a suitable marrow donor. We need to do things out way and this is something we'd both want if he gets to the point of no return. It'd also mean that even if he gets a match, if there are complications with the procedure, I'd be his medical next-of-kin and could make sure all his final wishes were carried out exactly how he wanted them. Mostly it's just because it'd be something he wanted before he died. And it's been the hardest fucking thing I've ever had to decide in my life because it makes everything very real. Fuck, I told myself I'd do this without crying." He rubbed his fingers over his eyes, trying to stop it.

Wesley's mouth dropped open and he was speechless, fingertips resting against his lip in shock. It wasn't anything he expected Merlin to tell him. He knew Merlin was right. Cancer blurred the lines, changed the rules, made it impossible to predict and navigate. His hand tightened around Noah's because seeing Merlin get emotional, Wesley automatically was too. It was just an epic shock and it was hard to process that his BFF who was the same age as him at nineteen, was talking about getting married. Actual marriage. To someone that was still so new in his life, a guy who was contracted to stay in the closet publicly and not many people knew he was actually gay. It sounded exhausting and he had so many questions but only because he wanted to help and support Merlin however he could. "H-Holy shit, buddy. Fucking hell, married? You're really getting married. That's... are you okay with it? Are you happy? What happens if he makes it and the procedure's successul and he goes into remission? It's marriage and... fuck. I'm not here thinking you ain't thought plenty on it. It's you, I know you would've thought about it as much as you fucking could. Still are. Is this what you really want? I just have to check."

Noah spotted some tissues by Brandon's bed, so he got up and quietly fetched them to bring back for Merlin. "Don't try to fight it if you have to cry. This is pretty incredible news but it's made because of a pile of pain. It's okay." He patted Merlin's shoulder softly and went back to sit with Wesley. He tried to think what he would do in Merlin's situation but he had a feeling he make exactly the same decision. A lot of people probably would but it was such a terrible thing to have to keep living through, no one could really fathom it. "I think knowing your family and friends, no one is going to think anything bad of this, Merlin. Remember Clint and Lincoln got married when he was in a bad way in hospital for at least that reason but I'm sure many others. Clint wasn't ever the sort to get married but I think you probably are. Cancer speeds up timelines, often in ways no one has a chance to catch their breath with."

"Thanks, Noah," Merlin said gratefully, plucking some tissues from the box to wipe his eyes. "Yeah, it's what I really want and I'm happy. Like, beyond the cancer, I'm as happy as I can be in our relationship. I guess that's the biggest part of why I know this is the right thing. I know he'd do exactly the same thing if it was me sick that bed. But sometimes it feels like time's running out. The leukemia's getting, worse no matches are showing up. I got to this point where I realised I had to be real for both of us. That trying to look on the bright side, stay positive, not give up hope, it's robbing him of time. It's a delusion and an illusion. It's taking up what could be the only time he has left. So, whatever happens, I'm going to make sure he has some happiness in case the worst comes. That's not the only reason. I'd like to think we'd do this eventually sometime down the track if he didn't have cancer. Then again, I dunno if I'd even be with him if he didn't. Will you be my Best Man, Wes? We're going to have a proper wedding but just something small. We wanna make the memories. It'd mean the world if you were."

Wesley didn't know who Clint or Lincoln were but he was glad Noah did to be able to offer a little reassurance for Merlin. Especially since Wes was choking up seeing Merlin's tears. All he could do was sit forward and take Merlin's hand, hearing the heavy seriousness of what he was saying. It wasn't even bittersweet. It was bittersweet on crack. It was like the best thing in the world to celebrate because the worst thing in the world you'd never wish on anyone, especially not your best friend. Somewhere in recent days, Merlin hit acceptance in his grief cycle and no matter how much it hurt, this was probably the best plan for an horrific situation. "I'm proud of you," he told Merlin, voice scratchy and choked as he squeezed his hand. "So, how did it all happen? Who asked who? Oh, fuck-- for real? Shit, of course I'll be your Best Man! There's nothing more important I'd rather do in the whole world. Do you need help? Tell me what you need help with and I'm your man," he promised, standing so he could give Merlin a secure hug, patting his back.

It was hard for Noah to hear what Merlin was talking about because he understood it. Not in a sense he had a partner who had cancer but they nearly lost Euan to Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma and the time came where they had to face the real and horrifying possibility he might not make it. And his staging had never been classified as aggressive like Brandon had. Plus, there was the fact Brandon was only in his early 20s. "I'm happy to help out with anything too. I work four evenings a week but tour is still in rehearsal stages, so I won't be needed until dress-rehearsals come and costuming is still in design stages. I know you'll have any help you need, though. Everyone will want to. Do you mean you're going to help him with a bucket list type thing? That's such a painful thing to think about, knowing how much he's had to do with the Make-a-Wish foundation, helping sick kids. Is there anything specific we can help you with straight up? I don't mind doing it if Wes isn't feeling the best."

"Thanks, guys. I seriously, seriously mean that. I think I'll need all the help I can get. I ain't ever thought about marriage before and know nothing about weddings. It's not gonna be anything nuts but Brandon and I will start looking at things we both definitely want and make a list of things we aren't too fussed about that other people can maybe help us with. We'll probably lean on a wedding planner but for the stuff we really wanna be special, I'll need help with. I don't even fucking know where to start. I'm just gonna let my family and friends know. Brandon'll Skype Norm and Joan, he'll let his team know and all that. But I really wanna try to get Norm and Joan here as a surprise for him but they won't fly so I'm thinking maybe train or something. They ain't gonna wanna come into the city either, so I'm gonna aim for maybe even somewhere like Cape Cod where he's got a house. Norm and Joan lost their son in 9/11, he was a firefighter. So, they ain't fans of NYC or planes. And they're elderly, so I don't wanna make it hard on them. I don't think he's got time for even a bucket list. He's already done so much in his life and a lotta that stuff means travelling. He's not well enough. But we can still make the time special. It doesn't all have to be grand gestures." Merlin raked his hair off his face and rubbed his forehead, feeling overwhelmed. "But I wanna know more about you guys. I take it you've filled each other in a lil' on what you've been through. Noah's like a freaking cat with nine lives. They weren't expecting you to come outta that coma, dude."

Wesley did start listening eagerly because, holy fuck, his BFF was getting married, but by the time Merlin was done, he was looking at him in bewilderment, blinking. "Merl, buddy, you gotta slow down a bit. I get it, you're on a timeframe here and that's okay but you can't juggle everything all at once. He's, like, rich as fuck. Pay people to do as much as you can. How do you keep it all hushed, though? Wouldn't he be breaking the whole beard contract thing if it gets spilled that he secretly got hitched to a dude? And I know, the priority is to keep Brandon taken care of and all, which is how it should be but... will you let me help take care of you? 'Cause I think I know you pretty damn well and you put your all into stuff like this. Remember when you won the Broadway comp? You weren't eating properly, then barely at all, because you were so stressed and super-focused. And I know I'm in a bit of a shit way right now but please make sure you let me help you. Even if you stress yourself out and need to, like, scream at something or whatever." He glanced at Noah with a smile, nodding. "Yeah, I know just from the things Noah's been saying that he's been way more honest than he needed to. I keep hearing how much danger he's been in, so how the hell is he sitting here looking like a supermodel and I look like utter dog balls? He's literally been offered a modelling contract, for fuck's sake. He said you guys don't really know each other too well."

"Beard...? Like a fake girlfriend type thing? Shit, that's heavy." Noah knew he couldn't know half of the situation. He and Wes had only known each other a couple of days and most of their talking was about Wesley's diagnosis or bits and pieces about their pasts. He really didn't know much about Merlin's relationship with Brandon at all. "You don't look like dog balls. You're super cute but just ill. You should've seen how I looked when I was sick. I could've been cast in The Walking Dead. But we don't know each other so well. He came into the squad via Justin and our dads are good friends. Both had sons they didn't know existed come into their lives looking for them. I think Merlin probably only just found out he was adopted around the time ended up in the ICU in a coma after a drug OD. One that wasn't my fault. I was targeted and didn't take the drugs myself. That doesn't mean we ain't friends. It's kinda just one big extended friendship through the squad. Trust me, they're all super nice."

"Mm, Autumn was contracted as his beard. It's this whole situation where pretty much his team and the show's execs know he's gay because he wanted to come out. They didn't want him to because they thought it might affect the PR of the show, how he's branded as this sex symbol and so is his character. So, he made a deal that he'd have a beard to cover up his private life where he agreed to go about seeing guys discreetly. Then he was diagnosed with cancer and met me. I think it just got messy and confusing for him. Then even more when they said the leukemia was getting worse. Autumn's great, though. She knows about. She's actually Jesse's younger half-sister, so she's really kinda family. She's dating another Broadway star on the hush. Tangled fucking webs we weave but it is what it is. But I'm just seriously freaking out because marriage is something I didn't think I'd do for a real long time, way, way down the track." Merlin watched Wes and Noah together for a few moments, catching the way they were looking at each other probably without realising. "Yeah, I remember hearing at the time that Euan thought you might've been roofied somewhere by an ex-dealer of yours or something and they wanted to get you for unpaid drug debts. But seriously, it's Euan, and he's got Clint for backup. Clint was the one who found you. So, whatever the fuck it was, they'd have it well taken care of by now. You really do look good, buddy. I know, though, that doesn't always mean you're feeling good. 'Course we're friends! Sure now we'll get to know each other more anyway," he added, shooting a smile between them.

It was definitely a messy situation and Wesley's heart went out to Merlin constantly for what his life was now. But it was 100% what he wanted and his love for Brandon overtook the difficulties of dealing with cancer and complicated celebrity bullshit. Wes was finally beginning to get a sense of how that could work now he had met Noah and he could definitely feel the stirrings of feelings somewhere inside. Noah had been so sweet with him. Wes didn't really understand why but there wasn't even a why in situations like this. "I guess he'd prefer now to just be out and proud with you, not have to hide what he has with you. He'd probably be over the moon to put your wedding out there in the ethos with how proud he'd be. But it's not way, way down the track. It's now. And we're still gonna make sure y'all have the best damn wedding for you in the whole world. Objectify his cashflow a lil', you can make it work, buddy." He was looking between Merlin and Noah as Merlin dropped a few more details of Noah's coma. "Roofied for drug debts? Are you serious? I thought you just had a bad OD or something. How did your dad and his friend find you? Fuck, you could've died. They could've done anything to you."

Noah was softly rubbing Wesley's back as they sat chatting and he could see he had broken out into another feverish sweat. He got up and went over to the door marked as the bathroom and dampened some paper towels to bring back for him. He pressed a couple to the nape of Wesley's neck and handed him the other to wipe his face. "Do you have any idea what sort of things you might want for your wedding, buddy? A lot of the general stuff probably doesn't matter in the grander scheme of things. You can make it whatever you guys want." He shrugged at Wesley's question. "I don't really know exactly what happened. Euan had his suspicions and I know he would've dealt with it but the last thing I remember is being in a cafe with one of the girls I knew when I was living on the streets. In hindsight, I think she could've been bait but I dunno. I ain't gonna profess to be a saint. I've fallen off the wagon multiple times when the cravings get too much and I had been struggling with shit at the time. I could've given into the temptation if she offered me shit, it could've been a bad cut. It's impossible to know. Dad's friend is a PI. Well, a PI with underground connections. It was sheer luck he was on a case where they had me held."

"Yeah, I think he probably does but at the same time, he's super-protective of his privacy and I think that's even more now. He's not happy that he has to go public about the cancer but at the same time, he wants to shame the assholes making up bullshit about him. He's hoping it'll get them to back off a little and give him the space he needs to deal with this. If he's running outta time, he doesn't want it filled with dealing with shallow cunts in the industry. I dunno where to even start with wedding shit. I've literally never thought about myself getting married. All the materialistic stuff won't matter. My head's spinning." Merlin noticed when Wes started sweating and it wasn't long before it was dripping down his face and his cheeks were inflamed. Noah knew what to do to help but Merlin still worried. "Wes, if you ain't feeling well, buddy, go home to bed, okay? I'm serious. You gotta be kind to yourself. Hey, I can vouch for how well you'd been doing before all that happened, dude. You used to jam with the squad all the time and you were really well when I first met you. I think it's epic cool Euan and Julie adopted you. You're happy with them?"

"It's my stomach. I just need a minute," Wes mumbled, leaning over nursing his stomach and burying his face in the crook of his arm bracing on the armrest. It was almost easier tackling the nausea because at least once he was sick, it eased a bit. The cramping pain was worse and it wasn't helping the sweats. He knew even if he was at home in bed, he would still be feeling like this. It was really fucking important to him to be here for Merlin right now because this was once in a lifetime stuff. At least, so he fucking hoped. It was impossible to know what the future could bring if Brandon passed away. Merlin might never want to get married again. No one could possibly know how he would deal with losing Brandon and Wes hoped like fucking hell they didn't have to find out. He lifted his head and gingerly twisted the cap off his water bottle to sip from it. "Feel like such an A-Class whiner right now, considering Brandon's dealing with a billion times worse but this pain is horrible. You gotta start with what's most important, dude. So, what do you think it most important that comes to your head when I ask that? Can we just take a moment to point out how cool it is that Noah's dad knows a PI? Like, that's gotta be a cool as fuck job. And thank fuck, if he stopped you dying."

Noah shook his head helplessly when Wesley was doubling-over with the stomach pain but Noah knew it was awful. It was on-par with when you ate something bad but it didn't ease off when it got out of your system. It was the side effects of the medications and not the illness itself but those bitches could be worse than the illness. He was worried how Wes was going to keep trying to push on while it was hitting him like this. He seemed reluctant to rest, especially because he felt an important part of his reason for coming to New York was to be there for Merlin while Brandon was sick. "I don't think Brandon would deny you some whining, babe. I don't think any of us would. In fact, I'd say Merlin wouldn't even mind a whining distraction for a little while because he's probably feeling close to freaking out about wedding plans when he actually remembers he has to plan a wedding rather than just struggling to process that he's actually getting married. The materialistic stuff might matter, dude. It's what makes the day. I remember when Euan and Jules got married, they tapped into a lot of Euan's Irish heritage and he had no interest in anything wedding-y. Now he's glad he did." He stroked his fingers through Wesley's hair, trying to comfort him a bit. "There's no doubt about the fact I'd be dead right now if Clint wasn't the one who found me. It sounds like the only way he got me outta there was because he had an in with whoever was in charge of the joint. Clint's a PI on the face of it but he's legit one of the coolest people you'll ever meet. One of the roughest too. You can't be a wilting flower around Clint. He says whatever he wants, the cruder the better. He's awesome," he added with a smirk.

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"How sweetly friendship binds our hearts in brother love."

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