Sasha Martin Stanford (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
beautifulday) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
dreamlikenewyork2018-12-16 04:04 am
beautifulday) wrote in dreamlikenewyork2018-12-16 04:04 am
"I feel the magic between you and I."
Who: Sasha Stanford and Justin Campbell
What: Private Time
Where: Casa de Campbell, NYC
When: After this
With much-needed privacy awarded by the Do Not Disturb sign hung on their bedroom door, Justin and Sasha were wrapped up in a heated embrace on their bed, undressed down to their underwear and making out. Justin on his back, Sasha on top of him, they were locked in a hungry kiss. Justin slipped his hand down the back of Sasha’s boxer-briefs to feel his bare butt, using the leverage to pull Sasha down to him, creating some much needed friction Justin’s erection desperately craved.
The kiss broke and Sasha smiled down at Justin, a little breathless from the heated making out. “Are you sure about this, baby? It’s been awhile. We don’t have to go all the way.” But Justin’s mouth was so inviting that he resumed the kiss briefly, muffling a hum of pleasure escaping him.
Justin didn’t bother with answering straight away. He was too caught up in the hungry kisses and the familiar warm weight of Sasha on top of him. The rehearsal and training session that morning hadn’t been gruelling. He was under strict medical orders to take it slow and easy, little by little, baby steps and all that shit. It was nice to hang out with the band, catch up with them a little, recalibrate with each other. He was blessed to have so many friends who loved music as much as he did, if not playing themselves, having a deep love for listening to it.
But all that aside, he had been missing intimacy with Sasha. Since being in hospital, they caught little moments here and there. Maybe they’d take a bath together, then go to bed naked and make out under the covers without going all the way. There had been the odd blow job or hand job, some groping with heavy making out. They had only gone all the way once since their trip to Vermont, the day Justin got out of hospital from his week of intensive ketamine infusions. It was in the shower together one morning before Sasha went to school and Justin had a gym session with Sawyer, his personal trainer (another thing he was told to take slow and Sawyer was excellent with judging what he could or couldn’t do). He showed up to the gym a bit late, invigorated by what he and Sash had shared in the shower.
“Very sure,” Justin murmured, smiling against Sasha’s lips. They had a laugh getting tangled up helping each other out of their boxer-briefs but Sasha was again soon settled between Justin’s legs, offering a soft trail of kisses over his throat, to his cheek, then back to his mouth, smiling. Justin rubbed his nose against Sasha’s. “I love you. You’re my favourite everything. Are you okay with this? We don’t have to. I just haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since I woke up to you spooning me in your sleep with your boner pressing against my butt.”
Sasha laughed, reaching over to their top draw to find the bottle of lube. There were some condoms in there too but they only really used those when they didn’t want to worry about a clean-up. He shoved the condom box away and grabbed their favourite strawberry flavoured lube. “I think the fact I have been waking up with literally painful hard-ons for the last week or so is a good indicator I’m very okay with it.” He punctuated with a kiss and put the bottle into Justin’s hand. “I started daydreaming in study hall the other day, totally ended up with a boner right there in glass. Thank fuck it’s winter and I was wearing your long hoodie.”
Justin laughed at Sasha’s predicament. He flicked the lid off the bottle and squirted a generous amount of the lube onto Sash’s fingers and into his palm. “The secret’s out! The true reason why we own so many hoodies between us. I missed this, you know. Us time, where we can leave the rest of the world outside our door for awhile and just be together. Talk, laugh, have sex, sleep, snuggle, read, listen to music together. It doesn’t matter, I just… I don’t think I ever have enough words to remind you how much you mean to me just being there.” He was rubbing his hands softly up and down Sasha’s back, exploring the warm smoothness of his skin.
“You don’t have to remind me, baby. It’s something I’ll never forget.” Sasha kissed the tip of Justin’s nose and slipped his hand between them, seeking out Justin’s butt. He rested his tongue between his lips in concentration so he was careful, conscious that it had been awhile since they did this. “You know, I still feel awkward with this stuff. No matter how much we do it, I don’t feel like a natural at it,” he confessed, scrunching his nose up sheepishly.
Justin gasped at the feeling of Sasha’s fingers caressing his ass and one gently slipping inside him. He closed eyes and bit down on his lip, settling into the sensation. “Don’t worry, you feel totally natural to me. Okay, remembering how good this feels again. Did I mention I love your hands? And your lips… and your tongue… that dick down there feels pretty awesome too.” He flashed Sasha a grin once he settled into the foreplay and he swept his hand down Sasha’s back to his butt, letting his fingers softly tease the cleft. “Not uncomfortable awkward, is it?” he had to check and sucked in a sharp breath when Sasha got close to his prostate with that latest stroke.
Sasha watched the pleasure on Justin’s face, listening to every little noise he was making. “Never,” he whispered and closed his eyes, picking their deep kissing back up where they left off a few minutes ago. There was something so special and priceless in the fact he got to be with Justin in a way no one else could. It took a lot of trust, he knew that, but having something he didn’t have to share with anyone else was what made all this so meaningful. He loved seeing Justin relax and come undone like this. He wasn’t under the spotlight, he wasn’t in performance or celebrity mode, he wasn’t locked in a hospital room being poked and prodded. He once told Sasha this stuff was his favourite therapy, that Sasha accepted him so intimately when his own mind was so armoured up to destroy him. “I still remember our first time. I’d known it was coming and I’d been worrying about it. That I wouldn’t like it or I’d screw it up or something. I don’t know. More that you might not like being with me like that. Like this...”
“Wasn’t going to happen, beautiful. By then, I had plenty of time to know I liked being with you in every way. You’re perfect,” Justin murmured, smiling. He put his fingers to Sasha’s face, stroking his cheek and letting his thumb trace over his features. He let the tips of his fingers comb through Sasha’s curly hair. He’d been letting it grow out a little again and Justin loved it like this. Eventually, he would get a trim when it started to bug him. Like most people with curls, Sash hated his hair. Which was okay, Justin loved it enough for both of them. “I know now the fact you trusted me to do all that with me is epic. Beyond epic. It’s way special. I thought about that a lot when I was in hospital. I think I’m ready. If you keep going with that, I’m going to come like this. Just… take it slow?”
Sasha searched Justin’s eyes for a few moments but didn’t say anything at first. He nodded, smiling and tenderly drew Justin’s lips to his again. It was a lazy kiss this time, while he tucked his hand under Justin’s knee and coaxed him to wrap his leg around him, positioning himself. This might still feel awkward but he had learned a lot over the course of his intimate relationship with Justin. He learned what he liked, what Justin liked, what boundaries they both had, what boundaries they had together. He learned to try things that seemed strange or awkward to him but turned out to feel pretty damn good. Most of all, he learned how Justin felt in his arms, pressed against him, snuggled close like this. That was the best part of all. The concept of ‘together’ could encompass so many things.
He fussed around just a little, making sure he had a comfortable spot, making sure Justin was okay where he was lying. They still kissed through it all and Sasha soon positioned himself and had to break the kiss to bite on his lip as he entered him slowly and carefully, watching his face to make sure he wasn’t hurting him. “You okay, baby?” he whispered once he was all the way and paused for Justin to adjust to it again after so long. It was his turn to stroke Justin’s hair back from his face and his lips turned into a bright smile when Justin opened his eyes and he saw how bright they were, how eager. The darkness of recent months had dwindled again. He hummed wetting his lips and rested his forehead against Justin’s, gradually starting to move his hips to make love to him. “I can see you’re okay. It’s really nice. What did you think about a lot when you were in hospital? Me being Ace?”
Justin smiled, feeling a warmth spread through him, settling in his gut. He was okay. He really was. More than okay. For the first time in awhile, he felt really good here, curled up with the guy he loved with nothing else to think about in that moment but him. He felt safe and secure, two qualities that often escaped him when he left the protection of his own safe spaces. Fuck, he was lucky to have one of the universe’s most amazing people make love to him like this. “Mmm…” he hummed, a little breathless being lost in the first dizzying sensations of Sash being inside him again. “Yeah, that. You were Ace and still trusted me to try sex with me. There was a bit right after you were realising you were that I got nervous that I maybe pushed you when you didn’t want it or you were doing it because you felt like you had to, seeing as you were only realising after we started dating. I remembered our first time too. First times. Each way. I know your first time bottoming was a little harrowing,” he added with a little laugh. He gave Sash’s butt a soft squeeze, his other arm wrapped around him, holding him as they moved gently together.
“That was, I think, around the first time I started to get a little voice in my head wondering if I was really cut out for sex. I knew it would hurt but I don’t think I thought so much on the how and the why because I hadn’t really thought much about sex at all. That stuff only started burrowing its way into my mind after we were having sex. So, no, gorgeous… you didn’t push me and I never felt like I had to. Never. Not even close. I wanted it, I was ready. Sure, I’d probably still be a virgin right now if I hadn’t met you. Or maybe not. I probably would’ve slept with Andi when she asked me to, I guess. Not having any clue I was gay or Ace.” Sasha was back to studying Justin’s face again, smiling as he swept his hair back and kissed his forehead. “You actually showed me how amazing sex can be with the person I know is my soulmate. So, maybe not all the time and some days I’d rather have hot chocolate and read a good book, but when we do it, I think we’re incredible together. You never forced me into anything or maybe me feel obligated. I’m Grey-Ace, and you’re my favourite shade of grey. You always will be. Who fucking needs fifty of them? I don’t.”
Justin laughed, even if it was a little bit of a serious moment at first. He tipped his head back against the pillow, falling into a fit of giggles as he cuddled both arms tightly around Sasha. “Spoken like a true Ace, buried balls-deep in his fiance that feels absolutely awesome, by the way, baby. C’mere, I want those lips.” Sasha was invited back into another marathon kiss and their chatter and joking was set aside while they got lost in each other. Considering it had been awhile, they lasted much longer than anticipated. The kisses were hungry and Justin felt himself reacclimating with some normalcy as they made love. At first it was slow but passionate and soon heated up, the kisses becoming more hungry and eager. Justin knew from the way Sasha was kissing and sucking at his throat, he was going to end up with hickies from this. They were so caught up, their quilt and sheets were messily shoved to the floor with their feet. There was enough heat between them to stay plenty warm. Besides, they both loved each other sweaty. Sasha was always turned on after Justin’s intense performances and Justin loved watching Sasha work out at the gym.
Soon, they ended pretty spectacularly, both out of breath and flopping down on their backs beside each other. Justin found Sasha’s hand, lacing their fingers together and hugging their joined hands to his chest. He wet his lips and swiped the thick sheen of sweat from his forehead with the back of his other hand with a breathy laugh. “My butt’s stinging. Good job, baby.” He turned his head to give Sasha a cheeky grin. He brought Sasha’s hand up to his mouth to softly kiss his knuckles. “I love you so much.”
Sasha rolled onto his side, propping his head up on his hand so he could easily get to Justin’s lips when he wanted a kiss. He couldn’t help when he started to laugh in the middle of the kiss, despite trying not to. “It’s been awhile since we had sex like that. This is why I’ll never be full Ace. I’m far too addicted to your body. He traced the tip of his finger over Justin’s chest and circled his nipple lightly. Justin usually manscaped like a boss. Sasha remembered him saying that he only really got chest hair after his facial hair got to a point it needed shaving. He was a late bloomer with all that because he was so fair. He hadn’t been on stage shirtless, or even shirtless around anyone, for a long time since he had relapsed and it had grown back. You could hardly see it and it was fine, but Sasha was going to enjoy it while it lasted. He knew once Justin started to rehearse the warehouse dance scene from Footloose again, he’d have it waxed. Sasha had been horrified at the thought of waxing anywhere when Justin first revealed that to him, which cracked Justin up. He was pretty clear that he drew the line at his pubes and butt. Besides the fact he didn’t want a beauty therapist accessing him that intimately, tearing hair out of any intimate place seemed barbaric. “I almost forgot how sexy you looked with chest hair. You’re such a turn on.”
“Hey, you’re no swamp monster yourself, you know. I can feel that dick resting against my hip, even without happy mode engaged.” Justin grabbed Sasha’s knee and pulled his leg over his hips so he could feel it just a little more. Sasha dropped down into his side, making it easy to wrap him up in a post-coital snuggle. He made little swirly patterns with his fingertips over Sasha’s shoulder. “I want to stay in here for the rest of the night with you. What time is it?”
Sasha moved only enough to pluck his phone from his bedside table. “Three thirty-two. Wow, we’ve been at it awhile. No wonder I’m starving. My gut is desperate for anything not fruit cake. Wanna get some of your nana’s Christmas cookies and make hot chocolate? We can bring it back here and resume the snuggles. Your eyes, baby. The dark’s gone, you know. I just thought you’d want to know that.” He smiled and kissed the tip of Justin’s nose affectionately.
Justin pressed his lips together and smiled at Sasha’s observation. “I can feel it,” he admitted, even if it was hard to explain how. The ketamine had really helped to stabilise him and lift the dark fog in his head but if there was one thing bigger than medication pulling him back from the brink and helping him through the shadows of mental illness and trauma, it was Sasha. Being loved by him, it was better than any therapy. “Christmas cookies and hot chocolate. There’s absolutely no way in hell my post-sex munchies are saying no to that. Especially if you make it peppermint hot chocolate. Let’s find pants. Just in case anyone’s home,” he laughed, getting up and holding his hands out for Sasha to help him off the bed.
They didn’t bother with anything else but sweatpants sans underwear and headed out to the kitchen on the other side of the joint apartments holding hands. The whole place was silent. Dory barely moved from where she was snoozing on the giant beanbag in the chillout room. She would sense Justin was good and not in distress being with Sasha so she could switch off her working dog mode and catch a few Zs. No one else was home and it was nice to be alone. Justin went to the fridge to get the milk and Sasha cuddled him from behind, perusing the other items in the fridge to see if there was anything to take his fancy. Cookies and hot chocolate still seemed like the best option.
Once the milk was warming on the stove, they leaned against the counter and had more cuddles. “Oh shit, I’ve given you hickies,” Sasha said, examining Justin’s neck. “It’s not even just one either. And they’re on your chest. Okay, so apparently I really missed sleeping with my fiance.” He was slightly stunned at himself but caught his lip between his teeth and gave Justin a sheepish smile.
“I have absolutely no objections to that. Am I supposed to?” Justin looked down at his chest but he thought he was hot. He pulled himself up to sit on the counter close enough to the stove to make sure the milk wouldn’t boil over. He coaxed Sash to stand between his legs and rested his hands on Sash’s hips, kissing him. “Want to watch Christmas movies while we eat our weight in cookies? I’m not ready to stop pretending the rest of the world doesn’t exist yet.”
“Like there’s any way I’m turning down that offer! I was thinking… before you got sick, you probably don’t remember so much, but we were going to get away for a couple of days. Stay in a nice hotel, just chill out. Do you want to just go? Maybe we can leave tomorrow morning and have a couple of nights away before all the Christmas craziness hits.” Sasha rubbed Justin’s back, enjoying how relaxed he was. He was doing so fucking much better than he had in many weeks, it was a huge relief. “What about Cape Cod? Have you been? We used to take my dad there when I was a kid. There was this really disability-friendly guest house because there was a family member who was in a wheelchair. My aunt and uncle would meet us there and my uncle would carry Dad down onto the beach so he could watch me build sandcastles. Totally my favourite aunt and uncle. No kids, Dad’s brother. They used to spoil me rotten every time they visited from Montana. I just have a lot of great memories of Cape Cod. We could drive, have a bit of a road trip.”
Justin smiled at the way Sasha’s face lit up when he started reminiscing. The milk started to boil and bubble, so he shoved it off the element, switching it off. “You know what, just listening to you talk about it, we’re totally going. I’d love to. I’ve never been. You’re so cute when you talk about your happy places, you know. Do I get to meet this aunt and uncle sometime? All your other rellies freak me out. The epic piles of cousins who seem to want to sell my hair on eBay or crazy great-aunts with terrible fruit cake. Wait, are they homophobic too?”
Sasha grinned when Justin agreed to Cape Cod, already bubbling with excitement. Not just about going to a place that had so many great childhood memories but having more private time alone with Justin now he was well and truly back in recovery mode. He shook his head. “No, not even close. When I first came out to my extended family as gay, and then later, Ace, they were always the first to Skype me and tell me they were proud of me. My uncle’s deaf, though. But he lip reads. He’s the reason my folks wanted me to learn sign language. He told me he suspected I was gay but joked that he never wanted to say anything in case his gaydar was broken because he was deaf. They’ve been overseas for twelve months for my aunt’s sabbatical, travelling around Europe but they’re back in the New Year. They want to come see Footloose.”
“You know sign language? Really? I didn’t know that! You’re just brimming with talent, huh? Wow, now I’m nervous. They seem so important to you. They know, um… about my shit?” Justin asked hesitantly. He really wouldn’t blame Sasha at all if he didn’t want to go into detail with his obviously cherished aunt and uncle.
Sasha nodded, smiling bashfully. “Yeah, pretty fluent in it. It took awhile to learn. I was trying to teach Andi when she got sick but with her chemo brain, it wouldn’t really stick. It was on her bucket list.” He got their favourite mugs out of the cupboard, matching with their names on it, a Christmas gift from the year before. He started to make the hot chocolate before the milk cooled. They both loved when the marshmallows melted into the hot chocolate. “I told them a little bit. Mom and Dad elaborated over the time. I never really know how to put it all in words the right way for you. If that makes sense. None of it would be an issue for them, baby.”
Justin slid off the counter to go grab the bag of marshmallows and tin of cookies from the pantry. “Okay. I’m glad. If they’re important to you, they’re important to me. So, epic Christmas sugar hit with a Christmas movie and then head out to Cape Cod tomorrow? Sound like a plan?”
Sasha grinned and pulled Justin close for another kiss. “Definitely.”
LOG, COMPLETE
What: Private Time
Where: Casa de Campbell, NYC
When: After this
With much-needed privacy awarded by the Do Not Disturb sign hung on their bedroom door, Justin and Sasha were wrapped up in a heated embrace on their bed, undressed down to their underwear and making out. Justin on his back, Sasha on top of him, they were locked in a hungry kiss. Justin slipped his hand down the back of Sasha’s boxer-briefs to feel his bare butt, using the leverage to pull Sasha down to him, creating some much needed friction Justin’s erection desperately craved.
The kiss broke and Sasha smiled down at Justin, a little breathless from the heated making out. “Are you sure about this, baby? It’s been awhile. We don’t have to go all the way.” But Justin’s mouth was so inviting that he resumed the kiss briefly, muffling a hum of pleasure escaping him.
Justin didn’t bother with answering straight away. He was too caught up in the hungry kisses and the familiar warm weight of Sasha on top of him. The rehearsal and training session that morning hadn’t been gruelling. He was under strict medical orders to take it slow and easy, little by little, baby steps and all that shit. It was nice to hang out with the band, catch up with them a little, recalibrate with each other. He was blessed to have so many friends who loved music as much as he did, if not playing themselves, having a deep love for listening to it.
But all that aside, he had been missing intimacy with Sasha. Since being in hospital, they caught little moments here and there. Maybe they’d take a bath together, then go to bed naked and make out under the covers without going all the way. There had been the odd blow job or hand job, some groping with heavy making out. They had only gone all the way once since their trip to Vermont, the day Justin got out of hospital from his week of intensive ketamine infusions. It was in the shower together one morning before Sasha went to school and Justin had a gym session with Sawyer, his personal trainer (another thing he was told to take slow and Sawyer was excellent with judging what he could or couldn’t do). He showed up to the gym a bit late, invigorated by what he and Sash had shared in the shower.
“Very sure,” Justin murmured, smiling against Sasha’s lips. They had a laugh getting tangled up helping each other out of their boxer-briefs but Sasha was again soon settled between Justin’s legs, offering a soft trail of kisses over his throat, to his cheek, then back to his mouth, smiling. Justin rubbed his nose against Sasha’s. “I love you. You’re my favourite everything. Are you okay with this? We don’t have to. I just haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since I woke up to you spooning me in your sleep with your boner pressing against my butt.”
Sasha laughed, reaching over to their top draw to find the bottle of lube. There were some condoms in there too but they only really used those when they didn’t want to worry about a clean-up. He shoved the condom box away and grabbed their favourite strawberry flavoured lube. “I think the fact I have been waking up with literally painful hard-ons for the last week or so is a good indicator I’m very okay with it.” He punctuated with a kiss and put the bottle into Justin’s hand. “I started daydreaming in study hall the other day, totally ended up with a boner right there in glass. Thank fuck it’s winter and I was wearing your long hoodie.”
Justin laughed at Sasha’s predicament. He flicked the lid off the bottle and squirted a generous amount of the lube onto Sash’s fingers and into his palm. “The secret’s out! The true reason why we own so many hoodies between us. I missed this, you know. Us time, where we can leave the rest of the world outside our door for awhile and just be together. Talk, laugh, have sex, sleep, snuggle, read, listen to music together. It doesn’t matter, I just… I don’t think I ever have enough words to remind you how much you mean to me just being there.” He was rubbing his hands softly up and down Sasha’s back, exploring the warm smoothness of his skin.
“You don’t have to remind me, baby. It’s something I’ll never forget.” Sasha kissed the tip of Justin’s nose and slipped his hand between them, seeking out Justin’s butt. He rested his tongue between his lips in concentration so he was careful, conscious that it had been awhile since they did this. “You know, I still feel awkward with this stuff. No matter how much we do it, I don’t feel like a natural at it,” he confessed, scrunching his nose up sheepishly.
Justin gasped at the feeling of Sasha’s fingers caressing his ass and one gently slipping inside him. He closed eyes and bit down on his lip, settling into the sensation. “Don’t worry, you feel totally natural to me. Okay, remembering how good this feels again. Did I mention I love your hands? And your lips… and your tongue… that dick down there feels pretty awesome too.” He flashed Sasha a grin once he settled into the foreplay and he swept his hand down Sasha’s back to his butt, letting his fingers softly tease the cleft. “Not uncomfortable awkward, is it?” he had to check and sucked in a sharp breath when Sasha got close to his prostate with that latest stroke.
Sasha watched the pleasure on Justin’s face, listening to every little noise he was making. “Never,” he whispered and closed his eyes, picking their deep kissing back up where they left off a few minutes ago. There was something so special and priceless in the fact he got to be with Justin in a way no one else could. It took a lot of trust, he knew that, but having something he didn’t have to share with anyone else was what made all this so meaningful. He loved seeing Justin relax and come undone like this. He wasn’t under the spotlight, he wasn’t in performance or celebrity mode, he wasn’t locked in a hospital room being poked and prodded. He once told Sasha this stuff was his favourite therapy, that Sasha accepted him so intimately when his own mind was so armoured up to destroy him. “I still remember our first time. I’d known it was coming and I’d been worrying about it. That I wouldn’t like it or I’d screw it up or something. I don’t know. More that you might not like being with me like that. Like this...”
“Wasn’t going to happen, beautiful. By then, I had plenty of time to know I liked being with you in every way. You’re perfect,” Justin murmured, smiling. He put his fingers to Sasha’s face, stroking his cheek and letting his thumb trace over his features. He let the tips of his fingers comb through Sasha’s curly hair. He’d been letting it grow out a little again and Justin loved it like this. Eventually, he would get a trim when it started to bug him. Like most people with curls, Sash hated his hair. Which was okay, Justin loved it enough for both of them. “I know now the fact you trusted me to do all that with me is epic. Beyond epic. It’s way special. I thought about that a lot when I was in hospital. I think I’m ready. If you keep going with that, I’m going to come like this. Just… take it slow?”
Sasha searched Justin’s eyes for a few moments but didn’t say anything at first. He nodded, smiling and tenderly drew Justin’s lips to his again. It was a lazy kiss this time, while he tucked his hand under Justin’s knee and coaxed him to wrap his leg around him, positioning himself. This might still feel awkward but he had learned a lot over the course of his intimate relationship with Justin. He learned what he liked, what Justin liked, what boundaries they both had, what boundaries they had together. He learned to try things that seemed strange or awkward to him but turned out to feel pretty damn good. Most of all, he learned how Justin felt in his arms, pressed against him, snuggled close like this. That was the best part of all. The concept of ‘together’ could encompass so many things.
He fussed around just a little, making sure he had a comfortable spot, making sure Justin was okay where he was lying. They still kissed through it all and Sasha soon positioned himself and had to break the kiss to bite on his lip as he entered him slowly and carefully, watching his face to make sure he wasn’t hurting him. “You okay, baby?” he whispered once he was all the way and paused for Justin to adjust to it again after so long. It was his turn to stroke Justin’s hair back from his face and his lips turned into a bright smile when Justin opened his eyes and he saw how bright they were, how eager. The darkness of recent months had dwindled again. He hummed wetting his lips and rested his forehead against Justin’s, gradually starting to move his hips to make love to him. “I can see you’re okay. It’s really nice. What did you think about a lot when you were in hospital? Me being Ace?”
Justin smiled, feeling a warmth spread through him, settling in his gut. He was okay. He really was. More than okay. For the first time in awhile, he felt really good here, curled up with the guy he loved with nothing else to think about in that moment but him. He felt safe and secure, two qualities that often escaped him when he left the protection of his own safe spaces. Fuck, he was lucky to have one of the universe’s most amazing people make love to him like this. “Mmm…” he hummed, a little breathless being lost in the first dizzying sensations of Sash being inside him again. “Yeah, that. You were Ace and still trusted me to try sex with me. There was a bit right after you were realising you were that I got nervous that I maybe pushed you when you didn’t want it or you were doing it because you felt like you had to, seeing as you were only realising after we started dating. I remembered our first time too. First times. Each way. I know your first time bottoming was a little harrowing,” he added with a little laugh. He gave Sash’s butt a soft squeeze, his other arm wrapped around him, holding him as they moved gently together.
“That was, I think, around the first time I started to get a little voice in my head wondering if I was really cut out for sex. I knew it would hurt but I don’t think I thought so much on the how and the why because I hadn’t really thought much about sex at all. That stuff only started burrowing its way into my mind after we were having sex. So, no, gorgeous… you didn’t push me and I never felt like I had to. Never. Not even close. I wanted it, I was ready. Sure, I’d probably still be a virgin right now if I hadn’t met you. Or maybe not. I probably would’ve slept with Andi when she asked me to, I guess. Not having any clue I was gay or Ace.” Sasha was back to studying Justin’s face again, smiling as he swept his hair back and kissed his forehead. “You actually showed me how amazing sex can be with the person I know is my soulmate. So, maybe not all the time and some days I’d rather have hot chocolate and read a good book, but when we do it, I think we’re incredible together. You never forced me into anything or maybe me feel obligated. I’m Grey-Ace, and you’re my favourite shade of grey. You always will be. Who fucking needs fifty of them? I don’t.”
Justin laughed, even if it was a little bit of a serious moment at first. He tipped his head back against the pillow, falling into a fit of giggles as he cuddled both arms tightly around Sasha. “Spoken like a true Ace, buried balls-deep in his fiance that feels absolutely awesome, by the way, baby. C’mere, I want those lips.” Sasha was invited back into another marathon kiss and their chatter and joking was set aside while they got lost in each other. Considering it had been awhile, they lasted much longer than anticipated. The kisses were hungry and Justin felt himself reacclimating with some normalcy as they made love. At first it was slow but passionate and soon heated up, the kisses becoming more hungry and eager. Justin knew from the way Sasha was kissing and sucking at his throat, he was going to end up with hickies from this. They were so caught up, their quilt and sheets were messily shoved to the floor with their feet. There was enough heat between them to stay plenty warm. Besides, they both loved each other sweaty. Sasha was always turned on after Justin’s intense performances and Justin loved watching Sasha work out at the gym.
Soon, they ended pretty spectacularly, both out of breath and flopping down on their backs beside each other. Justin found Sasha’s hand, lacing their fingers together and hugging their joined hands to his chest. He wet his lips and swiped the thick sheen of sweat from his forehead with the back of his other hand with a breathy laugh. “My butt’s stinging. Good job, baby.” He turned his head to give Sasha a cheeky grin. He brought Sasha’s hand up to his mouth to softly kiss his knuckles. “I love you so much.”
Sasha rolled onto his side, propping his head up on his hand so he could easily get to Justin’s lips when he wanted a kiss. He couldn’t help when he started to laugh in the middle of the kiss, despite trying not to. “It’s been awhile since we had sex like that. This is why I’ll never be full Ace. I’m far too addicted to your body. He traced the tip of his finger over Justin’s chest and circled his nipple lightly. Justin usually manscaped like a boss. Sasha remembered him saying that he only really got chest hair after his facial hair got to a point it needed shaving. He was a late bloomer with all that because he was so fair. He hadn’t been on stage shirtless, or even shirtless around anyone, for a long time since he had relapsed and it had grown back. You could hardly see it and it was fine, but Sasha was going to enjoy it while it lasted. He knew once Justin started to rehearse the warehouse dance scene from Footloose again, he’d have it waxed. Sasha had been horrified at the thought of waxing anywhere when Justin first revealed that to him, which cracked Justin up. He was pretty clear that he drew the line at his pubes and butt. Besides the fact he didn’t want a beauty therapist accessing him that intimately, tearing hair out of any intimate place seemed barbaric. “I almost forgot how sexy you looked with chest hair. You’re such a turn on.”
“Hey, you’re no swamp monster yourself, you know. I can feel that dick resting against my hip, even without happy mode engaged.” Justin grabbed Sasha’s knee and pulled his leg over his hips so he could feel it just a little more. Sasha dropped down into his side, making it easy to wrap him up in a post-coital snuggle. He made little swirly patterns with his fingertips over Sasha’s shoulder. “I want to stay in here for the rest of the night with you. What time is it?”
Sasha moved only enough to pluck his phone from his bedside table. “Three thirty-two. Wow, we’ve been at it awhile. No wonder I’m starving. My gut is desperate for anything not fruit cake. Wanna get some of your nana’s Christmas cookies and make hot chocolate? We can bring it back here and resume the snuggles. Your eyes, baby. The dark’s gone, you know. I just thought you’d want to know that.” He smiled and kissed the tip of Justin’s nose affectionately.
Justin pressed his lips together and smiled at Sasha’s observation. “I can feel it,” he admitted, even if it was hard to explain how. The ketamine had really helped to stabilise him and lift the dark fog in his head but if there was one thing bigger than medication pulling him back from the brink and helping him through the shadows of mental illness and trauma, it was Sasha. Being loved by him, it was better than any therapy. “Christmas cookies and hot chocolate. There’s absolutely no way in hell my post-sex munchies are saying no to that. Especially if you make it peppermint hot chocolate. Let’s find pants. Just in case anyone’s home,” he laughed, getting up and holding his hands out for Sasha to help him off the bed.
They didn’t bother with anything else but sweatpants sans underwear and headed out to the kitchen on the other side of the joint apartments holding hands. The whole place was silent. Dory barely moved from where she was snoozing on the giant beanbag in the chillout room. She would sense Justin was good and not in distress being with Sasha so she could switch off her working dog mode and catch a few Zs. No one else was home and it was nice to be alone. Justin went to the fridge to get the milk and Sasha cuddled him from behind, perusing the other items in the fridge to see if there was anything to take his fancy. Cookies and hot chocolate still seemed like the best option.
Once the milk was warming on the stove, they leaned against the counter and had more cuddles. “Oh shit, I’ve given you hickies,” Sasha said, examining Justin’s neck. “It’s not even just one either. And they’re on your chest. Okay, so apparently I really missed sleeping with my fiance.” He was slightly stunned at himself but caught his lip between his teeth and gave Justin a sheepish smile.
“I have absolutely no objections to that. Am I supposed to?” Justin looked down at his chest but he thought he was hot. He pulled himself up to sit on the counter close enough to the stove to make sure the milk wouldn’t boil over. He coaxed Sash to stand between his legs and rested his hands on Sash’s hips, kissing him. “Want to watch Christmas movies while we eat our weight in cookies? I’m not ready to stop pretending the rest of the world doesn’t exist yet.”
“Like there’s any way I’m turning down that offer! I was thinking… before you got sick, you probably don’t remember so much, but we were going to get away for a couple of days. Stay in a nice hotel, just chill out. Do you want to just go? Maybe we can leave tomorrow morning and have a couple of nights away before all the Christmas craziness hits.” Sasha rubbed Justin’s back, enjoying how relaxed he was. He was doing so fucking much better than he had in many weeks, it was a huge relief. “What about Cape Cod? Have you been? We used to take my dad there when I was a kid. There was this really disability-friendly guest house because there was a family member who was in a wheelchair. My aunt and uncle would meet us there and my uncle would carry Dad down onto the beach so he could watch me build sandcastles. Totally my favourite aunt and uncle. No kids, Dad’s brother. They used to spoil me rotten every time they visited from Montana. I just have a lot of great memories of Cape Cod. We could drive, have a bit of a road trip.”
Justin smiled at the way Sasha’s face lit up when he started reminiscing. The milk started to boil and bubble, so he shoved it off the element, switching it off. “You know what, just listening to you talk about it, we’re totally going. I’d love to. I’ve never been. You’re so cute when you talk about your happy places, you know. Do I get to meet this aunt and uncle sometime? All your other rellies freak me out. The epic piles of cousins who seem to want to sell my hair on eBay or crazy great-aunts with terrible fruit cake. Wait, are they homophobic too?”
Sasha grinned when Justin agreed to Cape Cod, already bubbling with excitement. Not just about going to a place that had so many great childhood memories but having more private time alone with Justin now he was well and truly back in recovery mode. He shook his head. “No, not even close. When I first came out to my extended family as gay, and then later, Ace, they were always the first to Skype me and tell me they were proud of me. My uncle’s deaf, though. But he lip reads. He’s the reason my folks wanted me to learn sign language. He told me he suspected I was gay but joked that he never wanted to say anything in case his gaydar was broken because he was deaf. They’ve been overseas for twelve months for my aunt’s sabbatical, travelling around Europe but they’re back in the New Year. They want to come see Footloose.”
“You know sign language? Really? I didn’t know that! You’re just brimming with talent, huh? Wow, now I’m nervous. They seem so important to you. They know, um… about my shit?” Justin asked hesitantly. He really wouldn’t blame Sasha at all if he didn’t want to go into detail with his obviously cherished aunt and uncle.
Sasha nodded, smiling bashfully. “Yeah, pretty fluent in it. It took awhile to learn. I was trying to teach Andi when she got sick but with her chemo brain, it wouldn’t really stick. It was on her bucket list.” He got their favourite mugs out of the cupboard, matching with their names on it, a Christmas gift from the year before. He started to make the hot chocolate before the milk cooled. They both loved when the marshmallows melted into the hot chocolate. “I told them a little bit. Mom and Dad elaborated over the time. I never really know how to put it all in words the right way for you. If that makes sense. None of it would be an issue for them, baby.”
Justin slid off the counter to go grab the bag of marshmallows and tin of cookies from the pantry. “Okay. I’m glad. If they’re important to you, they’re important to me. So, epic Christmas sugar hit with a Christmas movie and then head out to Cape Cod tomorrow? Sound like a plan?”
Sasha grinned and pulled Justin close for another kiss. “Definitely.”
LOG, COMPLETE