Tori Jameson Kingston (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
theateroflove) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
dreamlikenewyork2018-04-23 03:44 am
theateroflove) wrote in dreamlikenewyork2018-04-23 03:44 am
"I wanna make that connection, that connection to you."
Who: Tori Kingston and Sasha Stanford
What: Reconnecting
Where: Casa de Campbell, NYC
When: After this
Even though inside, Sasha had on dark sunglasses and was being helped out of a wheelchair parked in the living room by Justin. It turned out to be convenient that Mark still had the wheelchair he used when he had been sick because when Sasha got hit with one of these demon migraines, it took a few days for the numbness in his body to abate. It wasn’t needed just around home because Justin helped him with everything, and if Justin wasn’t there, Mark helped him. Sasha trusted Justin’s dad just as much as he did Justin. He didn’t get embarrassed around him anymore. But Sasha needed to see a doctor because it had been a particularly bad one and his GP wanted him to have an MRI just make sure the hemiplegic migraine was the correct diagnosis. Plus, he got more refills on his much-needed medication.
The doorbell rang just as Sasha was struggling to his feet with Justin’s help. Justin took his full weight, arm wrapped securely around his way while Sasha hooked his hand around Justin’s neck. On the upside, after being briefly mortified in the car trip home that he peed himself, turned out he just spilled his water on his lap when he dozed off accidentally. He couldn’t feel a lot of the left side of his body, so he panicked that he couldn’t tell if he wet himself. Luckily, he still kept control of his functions this time. Now, he was just so wiped out and recovering from feeling so bad with terrible migraine. It turned into a demon migraine quickly when it it. Stress and anxiety probably triggered it, he knew that. But now it had climaxed and he had pushed into recovery, he was feeling very much hungover but the pain had eased. Save for one time at the hospital when he got dizzy in the elevator, it had been around six hours since he last threw up. The worst of it was gone, he just had to rest and recover now.
“You okay to stand, beautiful? I can carry you if you’re too dizzy. Just give me the word, no playing heroes,” Justin said, watching him closely. Then he gave Sasha a loving smile and pressing a lingering kiss to his temple. “You just look so adorable when you’re sick. Sorry.”
Sasha snorted. “I look like hell, but nice try. I’m a bit dizzy, but I’ll be okay to get to bed.” They got up the hall to their bedroom and right as Justin was about to nudge the door closed behind them, Gen appeared with a smile.
Gen wrapped her arm around Sasha’s shoulders and gave him an expert mom-kiss to the top of his head. “There’s a visitor here to see you, sweetheart. A little birdie told me it’s someone you’ll really want to see.” She rubbed his back softly, trying not to make it too obvious that she was fussing. But she totally was. Justin had everything in hand, but it was impossible not to mom the kids living with them when they were feeling poorly. She stepped aside, gesturing to Sasha’s guest.
Justin helped Sasha sit on the side of the bed because the wooziness was coming back. Once he was off his feet, Sasha saw who it was and his mouth fell open. “T-Tori,” he gasped, pushing his sunglasses on top of his head to get a better look at him. He still squinted against the brightness of the overhead light. “I… I...what are you… w-where did you… fucking hell, you’re really here?! Why? How? When did you get in? Shit, I’m so sorry, I look awful. Bloody hell, I can’t believe you’re here. I look like shit.” Even though his speech was still a bit slurred, the words came tumbling out in shock. He hadn’t seen Tori in ages and seeing him there, he tried not to burst into tears. He really did… and epically failed.
And as soon as Tori saw Sash cry, he was going to follow. Like that was never going to happen. No words even needed to be said on the why. The why was obvious. He just thought he might have been able to make it through the surprise greeting before that happened. He wasn’t naive enough to think there would be no tears. He had been prepared to see Sasha looking rough because Justin gave him the head’s up. In fact, Tori knew it was super kind of Justin to even be cool with him coming to visit when Sash had been sick. But even just the couple of times Tori had spoken to Justin, he realised he was the sweet guy all his fans said he was. He couldn’t have wished for a more perfect match for Sash. Andi would have been so freaking proud, she would’ve been the best damn Maid of Honour to ever exist. Justin shot him a text as soon as Sasha was past the worst of the migraine, but Tori didn’t mean to upset him.
Justin grabbed a nearby box of tissues and then collected a second from the attached ensuite. He helped Sasha into bed and tucked the covers in around him, led Tori to sit on the bed beside him, and gave them both a box of tissues. He turned the lights right down low and said he would make some tea, or get his hands on anything Sash might be able to keep down. Tori watched them both and saw how sweet they were together. Justin was so attentive and caring, and even if Sash was crying and not feeling the best himself, he still asked Justin if he was okay. Justin seemed to palm him off a little, jumping in to tell Sash he needed to be back in bed resting.
Justin Facetimed Tori a short while before to let him know that he could come around and visit Sasha when they got home from his doctor’s appointment. He warned that Sash looked pretty shitty at the moment. Sasha’s migraines were worse than how they would have been when they last saw each other, and explained this new form. Something called hemiplegic migraines that were neurologic and frankly sounded fucking terrifying. When Tori asked if Justin was his carer when it happened, considering it affected his functioning and mobility, Justin laughed but then got this look on his face Tori could only describe as sad or even devastated. It didn’t last long, and then he corrected Tori saying Sasha was his carer. Literally. That was huge. Like, Tori knew a lot from his folks about how Sasha met Justin and now they were together. Engaged, even. Which was freaking awesome. He obviously knew Justin had bipolar, because he wasn’t just a sufferer, but an activist for mental illness. When it came to specifics about Justin and Sasha, though, their parents admitted Sasha censored and filtered what he spoke about. They doubted it was because Sasha was secretive, but because he was being protective. They had seen that in action for many years with Andi. Sasha took care of her, and was there for her unconditionally, even on the worst days. Even when he had migraines. He would literally sit there with an eye mask on, head on the mattress off the hospital bed and just hold her hand while he sat there in pain and feeling sick.
Tori gave Sash a smile and came over, scooping him into a hug, giving him a tearful smile. “Fuck, man. It’s awesome to see you. I’m so over the moon.” He sat on the side of the bed. “You look rough. Still feeling sick? Justin said this migraine was a baddie. I got into Boston around a week ago. Caught up with family, then flew down here for a meeting. I want to tell you right off the bat, I’ve been offered a job. Here, New York. You’ll never guess what it is. I mean, your head might not even be capable of a guessing game right now. Shit, Sash, you really look terrible. You can’t even walk without help...”
Sasha only managed a weak, one-armed hug back. He still had some of the numbness that came with the migraine but he could feel it wasn’t as bad as it had been. “I’m sorry I look so terrible. Walking without help is an improvement. I couldn’t even get on my feet a couple of days ago. Wait, Justin said… when did you…?” When Tori sat back, he gave him a confused look, wondering if it was just his brain lacking power and he misheard something. “Justin arranged with you to come visit me? How did he know you were here?”
He was sitting up in bed, propped up on fluffed pillows with an array of items nearby that indicated how sick he had been. Fluids on offer for him to try to see if he could keep anything down a bit better now. Peppermint tea untouched from this morning, a bottle of Pedialyte, water, and ginger ale. The bedroom was messy because obviously tidying up wouldn’t have been a priority for Justin while he was stressing and worried. As soon as the pain abated, Sasha saw how terrible Justin looked from lack of sleep but rather than staying in bed to catch up on some sleep that morning, he went to the doctor’s appointment with Sasha. His neurologist gave him an injection for the sickness and a special medication via a nasal spray to reduce some of the neurological symptoms. With a bit of help, he had been able to leave the hospital and make it home, but he was starting to feel woozy again back in the car. He was under strict doctor’s orders to go home to bed and rest for the next forty-eight hours. If things weren’t resolved by then, it might mean a hospital stay for IV treatment, something he had when he was original diagnosed with hemiplegic migraines. He and Justin were going to snuggle up and catch up on some sleep together, but suddenly Tori was here? Sasha was maybe wondering just a little if he was hallucinating, possibly because Tori and Andi looked similar. Weirder things had happened, right, and this had been one really bad migraine episode.
“All this time and you’re still apologising unnecessarily?” Tori wiped his eyes with his fingers, fighting the urge to fuss with Sasha’s blankets or fluff his pillows. He had seen Justin had that all in hand and it was only nervousness making Tori believe he should offer help with that. Sash would call him out on it in no time. “Yes, Justin said. Because the job I’ve been offered is his understudy with Footloose! Not because he’s your other half or anything like that, but because his uncle’s girlfriend scouted me on the West End. Only, I didn’t know who she was at first. I only found out about that subsequently. I flew over here for a live audition and to meet Caden and Justin, and Justin told me by text that I had the job if I wanted it. So, um… how well do you know Cassidy?”
There was no way Sasha’s brain could keep up with all this at once. He was still back on processing the fact Tori just said he got the job as Justin’s understudy, something Justin had been nervous about. Then to take that leap, which was actually a pretty smooth segue. Even if they had both been in tears a couple of minutes ago, the borderline-goofy eager smile on Tori’s lips now had Sasha wanting to counteract with all the all the teasing of a brother… even if they weren’t biological brothers. His lips curled in a smirk, looking over Tori’s face. “If that was your attempt at acting casual, you’re a crap actor,” he said with a small laugh, resting his head back against the pillows. He was tired, but not too tired to spend some time catching up with Tori. He knew he probably had a lot to catch up on, losing a couple of days to this damn migraine that made him feel crap as hell again. “Do I detect a hint of a crush or is this an all-out fanboy infatuation with Justin’s new leading lady? Because he’ll kick your ass if you start stalking her. I’m not even kidding, she’s like a sister to him… and just out of a relationship.”
Tori exhaled heavily at the news, tugging his lips to the side. “Damn. I was totally starting to doubt my resolve to never date co-stars, which I’m not even sure why I resolved other than all the other actors I worked with over there swore by it. She’s gorgeous, and she was so sweet. Like, I’m pretty sure I nearly got a boner watching her dance with Justin, and I promise, that has nothing to do with your fiance’s ass and everything to do with his co-stars, um… let’s just say she was wearing this corset that really, really, really suited her. Never have I been more impressed by purpose sequins and I’ve done cabaret and been to Pride parades to support my brother and sister. So, she’s, like, rebounding? I couldn’t convince her to have dinner with me? Really, the last thing I want to do is piss Justin off when I haven’t even signed a contract yet.” He rubbed his forehead with his fingertips. “But if you wanted to tell me more about her, I totally wouldn’t be opposed.”
Sasha watched Tori in amusement, analysing the way his face was lit-up but quickly fell at the news Cas may be rebounding. “What do you know about her? I can’t know what more to tell you if you don’t let me in on that. But I wouldn’t be so fast in writing her off because of her recent break-up. It was… unique circumstances, so to speak. It wasn’t a bad break-up. She’s still good friends with her ex. The complicated thing is…” Well, it was complicated THINGS, really. He knew this, but he didn’t want to blow Tori off the scent when he was clearly hot for Cas. That might be something she wasn’t opposed to, it wasn’t Sasha’s call to make. “She was dating Merlin Larson, who plays Willard in the show. If you take the job, that is. I am so out of the loop, it’s not even funny. Jus’ life moves fast, so a few days out of the loop, a lot can change. I didn’t even realise he was being involved in any auditions at the moment because…” He stopped again. He didn’t know how much Justin had let Tori in on, but if he had been offered the job, it was probably at least baselines stuff. Like, for example, the fact he was having a cyclic episode. At least, he had been when Sasha’s migraine set in.
“Not a lot. Just that she’s gorgeous and purple is totally her colour. Oh, and that she has these gorgeous blonde curls and amazing green eyes. I swear to god, man, she’s the hottest chick I’ve ever seen. Work with me here.” Tori puffed his cheeks out and held his hand up. “Not that you really can. Not only are you sick, but you’re gay and asexual. Mom and Dad kept me up-to-date on that important stuff. Justin wasn’t involved in the auditions. I met him after Caden and his team auditioned me and I was shortlisted. They said the final step is how well I can work with Justin and the chemistry I have with Cassidy as Ariel. Even just on the stage, but Caden said his productions tend to always work better if the cast gel well beyond the stage. So, I knew there would be a process I went through once I got here, but it went really, really well. I know she’s new to the part, but I don’t know much else. She wasn’t even supposed to be there, she came along to visit him and stuck around. They were singing together when I got there and she was just… I couldn’t take my eyes off her. But of course she’s taken. Even if they broke up, they’ll probably get back together because the guy would have to be nuts not to try to get her back. But that’s enough about me. How are you feeling, dude? Justin filled me in a little about the bad migraine and you’ve been pretty wiped out for a few days now. And I can’t believe you’re engaged, holy shit! I was near blinded by Justin’s ring when I met him. It was the second thing I noticed after how hot Cassidy is.”
Sasha was just keeping up with Tori’s pace of jumping between subjects with ease, squinting as he processed all this new information. “No, dude, Cas isn’t blonde. She’s brunette. Are you sure it was her and not the girl who plays Rusty? I’m gay and asexual, T. Not blind. Cas is gorgeous, but she’s got brown hair. Justin’s got a Playbill over on the bookshelf there. Go check out her headshot. You’ll see what I mean. Because the girl who plays Rusty is completely single and I’m sure she’d love to go on a date with you.” He shrugged and tried to shift his left leg beneath the blankets but it was still weak and numb down the side. “Not enough about you. We have loads to catch up on. But I’m feeling okay. Much better than I was. He’s right, it’s been a horrible few days. The pain and puking is bad enough, but when this other shit happens on top of it, it’s awful. I can’t even go to the bathroom without help because I lose functioning in the whole side of my body. I can’t get words out, I can’t sit without hurling. Luckily, it doesn’t happen like this often. But we’ve been a bit stressed. I’ve had extra-credit projects and exams, Jus has had an episode, and Zeke…” He trailed off, looking at Tori for any signs he knew the bad news. “Did your folks tell you about Zeke?”
“I’m sure she said her name was Cassidy. Her name was on the outside of the theatre and, I mean, I knew from the information emailed through to me before I got here.” Tori got up and went to find the Playbill Sasha was talking about. It was lying on top of a row of books and he flipped to the photos. “Yes! That’s her. She’s got brown hair here, but she definitely had blonde when I met her. With this totally smoking outfit, too. These sexy knee-high boots. Her makeups all different to what it is here too. More dramatic, more sexy. She kind of looks girl-nextdoorish here, but when I met her, supermodel hot. This other Rusty girl wasn’t there. Only Justin and Cassidy. She showed me around the theatre. I’ve been chatting to Justin by text on and off. I know he’s busy, but he seems so nice, dude. I’m not surprised at all. Like any person you ended up with would be an asshole. I’ve been so nervous about meeting him. Not even to do with the job, but because I wanted your main guy to like me. Andi will be over there arranging lightning bolts to shoot me up the ass if I fucked it all up. Wait, Zeke? The Zeke Andi met in chemo? Oh fuck, he’s gone too, hasn’t he? But he was getting better! Last time I saw him, they were expecting him to go into remission.” He dropped the Playbill on the bed and stared at his feet for a couple of moments before he took Sasha’s hand and squeezed it softly.
Sasha shook his head, but only a little. He didn’t want to set off another dizzy spell that was a slippery slope into nausea and throwing up. He had done so much of that over the last couple of days that his stomach muscles were hurting. Even getting to the doctors, the car ride made him so nauseous, he had to sit in the car in the parking lot throwing up before his appointment. But it seemed to be passing now. The shot he got in his butt by the doctor definitely helped. “No, no. He didn’t die. He went into remission. His cousin, Shannon, lives down here. Not in New York, in New Jersey, but it’s not too far away. So, when he heard I had a boyfriend here, Justin, he came down from Boston with me to see his family, and we all ended up in the same squad of friends. Justin’s friends, who happened to be Shannon’s friends. Which was really cool, like. Shannon was in the hospital here after a bad accident, and Justin’s uncle works there too. But get this, dude… it’s where Peyton works now. It’s where Zeke is now, because he got sick again and he’s just been told her has more tumours in his stomach. He’s had more surgery and he’s having chemo and radiation again. He’s been really sick and… it’s just been stressful because he’s pretty much been my best friend since Andi was gone. You should go visit him, he’d really like that.” He didn’t want to let his brain stick on the situation with Zeke right now. The whole thing with Will made him so angry, but at the same time, he had already been getting a migraine so he didn’t quite know exactly what the situation was. He needed to talk to Zeke, but he had been too sick to move to get back to the hospital. They looked in on him after Sasha’s doctor’s appointment earlier, but he had been sleeping. Apparently had a really bad night, which stressed Sasha out even more to hear. “Cas must’ve changed her hair. You know she’s trans, right? She only just recently took the role. She’s breakout, like Justin. And long story short, it hasn’t been long since she had surgery.”
Tori exhaled heavily, looking at Sasha as he revealed this new information about Zeke. He knew Zeke pretty well. He spent much time with Andi because they were diagnosed at similar times so were on the same chemo schedules and had the same Oncology specialist. Even if Tori was in London much of the time, he still came home to visit, of course. Plus, he chatted to Andi on Skype all the time Zeke was present a lot, as was Sasha. He had a different type of cancer to Andi. He had stomach and bowel tumours which had metastasized to nearby lymph nodes. He underwent a couple of massive surgeries to remove the tumours and then started chemo. Andi had leukemia, so there was no surgery or anything like that. By the time they found a bone marrow donor match, it was too late. It wouldn’t have bought her anymore time. It was sobering to hear Zeke was sick again. At first, it was believed he wouldn’t make it and Andi would be the one to hit remission and recover. Zeke’s chances were much lower. But somehow, as is the nature of cancer, the prognoses were flipped on their heads. Zeke survived and recovered, Andi ended up terminal and passed away. Tori had a lump in his throat and shifted to sit beside Sasha on the bed, likely the spot Justin sleeped, back resting against the wall. He held onto Sasha’s hand, needing to reclaim the connection of their friendship. He was only about 12 months older than Sasha, but being absent in London, he hadn’t seen as much of him in person as the rest of his family had. “Fuck, I… h-have they… has he… is he going to… um… what’s his prognosis. Not that a prognosis is anything to bank on. We know that, but… it’s hope, you know?” With his mind wandering through everything he was hearing, his eyes skimmed around the room, taking in Sasha and Justin’s room. It was massive, and he could see much of Sasha’s character in it, but obviously mixed perfectly with Justin. There was a Footloose poster on the wall next to a classic mounted Indycar poster of Sasha’s dad in his heyday. “Shit, Cas is sick too? She’s had surgery? But she looked amazing. Not sick at all. Seriously, dude, she was smoking. It took all my self-control not to ask at Box Office for a poster of hers to jerk off over. Clearly I’m going to hell, considering what we’re talking about.”
“It’s okay, Tor. Zeke’s still Zeke. He’s still in the best spirits he can be, but the last week or so, he’s had come complications. He had another big operation. He was doing really well, back at school, dating, all that stuff. Still longer-term issues from the chemo, but he was taking them in his stride. Then he got really sick and really quick. Like, a matter of a couple of days. They admitted him to hospital for a pile of tests and found another large tumour in his stomach. He had another surgery, and they got most of it. Not all of it. So, they resectioned and gave him another stoma, which they hope is temporary, to rest his stomach. But depending on how the chemo goes to reduce what’s left of the tumour, he may need it permanently. Which he doesn’t want, and it’s really upset him. Even still then, he’s been in pretty good spirits. Just questioning a lot. You know, like Andi would some days. Wondering about life, what they want. He’s really convinced he isn’t going to make it this time, but we can’t say to him he will. We know positive platitudes are useless,” Sasha murmured, knowing that was something significant for Justin too. Justin didn’t process positive platitudes at all. They usually made him more upset and made him feel like his problems were being minimised, or he would be a failure if he couldn’t look on he bright side. They tended to agitate him more, and Zeke had been the same lately. The best thing people could do for a sick person doing their damn best to keep their head above water before you came along with your platitudes was just remind them you were there to support them or help them however they needed. That you loved them regardless. That was better than the weight of platitude. “I don’t mean surgery-surgery. I mean, I do. It’s still surgery and invasive, but I mean gender-confirmation surgery, dude. She’s had top and bottom now. The latter only recently, so she’s been getting used to her new body and going through a lot of soul-searching. It wouldn’t surprise me if she’s changing her look because I think I remember something about seeing Ajay. That’s Justin’s Stylist. He seriously knows his stuff, so even if I’m gay, I have no doubt she was smoking. But she was before too. You’re totally crushing on her, oh my god. Are you going to ask her on a date?”
“I’ll definitely drop by and see him. I’m going to be staying with Peyton when I start the job. He says his dating life is non-existent, so having his little brother live with him won’t cramp a style he doesn’t have. I’ll grab a lift to the hospital with him. Zeke’s okay for visitors? I mean, if he’s not having a really bad day, that is. I know Some days, it’s too hard to have visitors. Fuck, I can’t believe he’s relapsed at that age. You wouldn’t wish that on your worst enemy, let alone someone as sweet as Zeke. Ands always said he made her laugh, even on the days it felt like all she had were tears. Has this just happened, or has he been in hospital awhile.” Tori bit his lip and gave Sasha a sheepish look. “Shit, I didn’t even think that type of surgery when you said that. Not that I would automatically expect visual signs, but I had no idea she was trans. All the research I did on the production before my audition, the other girl was still the female lead. She’s so beautiful, but she’s probably way out of my league. And I don’t want Justin to kick my ass if he thinks I want to mack on her because I was totally checking her out the day I met them at the theatre. What’s she like? Do you think she’d want to come on a date with me? What can you tell me about her? She quite possibly could be the most gorgeous girl I’ve ever seen. You should’ve seen her outfit, it was so freaking trendy. Like, high fashion trendy. Even if it was a Stylist, she pulled it off awesomely. But tell me more about you, man! Engaged? Holy shit, you’re leaving the rest of us for dust. What made you know you were ready to do the whole massive romantic proposal thing? Mom said you did it when you were in Australia for Justin’s dad’s wedding. What’s Australia like? Is it as awesome as it seems? I totally heard Justin’s accent too. Love the Aussie accent. There would always be these Aussie backpackers who would come to the pub the cast of our show would go to after Saturday’s performance. They were hilarious. Always made me want to go.”
Sasha smiled, glad Tori was settling in beside him. He wasn’t sure how long he could last before he fell asleep with the injection the doctor gave him (it could make him drowsy), but this was nice for now. Especially after how shitty he had been feeling. Justin had arranged this, probably knowing he would want time with Tori now he was in town. They had a hell of a lot to catch up on. More than one chat could cover, but even then, he still wanted to cover some ground. Granted, likely ground that skimmed the subject of Andi’s death like it was. Normally, he didn’t struggle talking about her or her death to anyone, but he had realised talking to her family was incredibly hard. He would end up crying, and crying in the post-migraine phase could stir it up again if it ended up being those ugly cries with snot everywhere and it felt like you couldn’t stop. Talking to Andi’s family caused that. Maybe it would never be easy. Only, Tori had been easier than Peyton, who accused him of replacing Andi with Justin. All unfounded, and Peyton had apologised, but even then, Sasha still hadn’t reconnected with Peyton, even if they had a heart-to-heart the night of his car accident. “Zeke needs visitors. He’s feeling lonely and isolated this time around, like he’s missing out or left out of the loop. He’s not, but I can understand why he feels that way. Our squad, there’s so much going on. It’d just be feeling amplified for him. Plus… well, there’s this issue. A really complicated issue, and the last I saw him, I was having a shouting-fest with a dude in hospital room right before I had to run and puke. So, I haven’t had the chance to clear the air. It’s… complicated. But he’ll be over the moon to see you. Just like I am. It’ll be hard, though. Everything we do, it comes back to Andi. I miss her so fucking much. My life has changed in every way possible. I just wish she was here to share it with.” He gave Tori a tiny soft nudge in the shoulder, smirking at him. “Ask her anyway. What have you got to lose? Don’t second-guess it. She needs people not second-guessing and just helping her feel more normal. She’s amazing, she’s so sweet. Like a sister to Justin in a lot of ways, they’re really close. They met in hospital. She has some psychological stuff relating to her gender struggles. You should really ask her out if you’re into her. You better be quick, her fanbase is growing rapidly and I’m sure it has a lot of single dudes. Australia is unbelievable. We visit a lot, you should come over some time! And I don’t know… it just felt right. We’ve been through so much. He makes me happy. And, well, he’s the only person I ever want to have sex with, so there’s that…” He shuffled around a bit to lie down, rolling onto his side so he was facing Tori.
“You okay?” Tori asked, watching Sasha shift to lie down. He was really pale and had dark circles under his eyes like he had been awake for a week. Justin said Sash’s migraine had gone on for about 4 days from the point it began with the precursory aura. He knew how much Sasha’s migraine could wipe him out. “I can go if you need to sleep. I’ll make sure we catch up again real soon, seeing as it looks like I’ll be sticking around for the foreseeable future. Maybe we could take a drive somewhere, have a little, like, memorial day for Andi. Justin can come too, or anyone else. Or just us. I was, um… chatting to Justin in texts and he mentioned some strange things have happened, unexplainable. Something about you… seeing things, or something? Because I think stuff like that has happened to me too. I’m not sure, though. I always think I’m just hoping too hard for a sign from her. Like I’d even recognise a sign if there was one. I always made her promise that if she got to the other side and could give me a sign she was thinking of me, to do it. In saying that, I’m pretty sure she’d choose you first. She always worried about leaving you, dude. So much. And like I said to Justin, considering what he goes through, maybe she’s just sticking close so he’s not alone if… I’m sorry… just if he loses his battle, you know? When illness wins. We all know how hard that is. I can see her keeping a close watch on him, because he loves you. She’d need no other reason than that. And I bet she’s watching over Zeke too. Somewhere, trying to give him a Bat Call to keep going and not let it win, no matter how hard it feels. What do you mean complicated? Why were you shouting at him? You don’t shout at anyone unless it’s serious business. Dude, be honest? Cas is totally out of my league, I just know it. But would she like going to dinner with me? If I asked her out? Or should I just keep to myself and respect she’s not long ended a relationship with the Merlin dude?’
“Just a bit woozy. I apologise in advance if I fall asleep. It’s just not as bad if I’m lying down. I’m getting better, though. It’s not as intense. I don’t feel like my head is being crushed in one of those car crusher machines. I don’t even know an easy way to explain the complicated. It’s a really long story and you’ll hear more about it inevitably, but I guess the nutshell version is this… Justin’s last relationship ended really badly. His ex was a thundercunt, to put it lightly. But he’s not anymore. He figured out how he fucked up and sorted his shit out. Way back when Jus and I started dating, the dude showed up drunk and decked me. His brother was so pissed off, he sent him back home to his parents in Australia, so he was out of the picture for a long time. Then he came back, and he’s sorted shit out with Jus and I don’t think he’s a cunt anymore. Only, I went to visit Z the other day, but my head was already hurting and the migraine was setting in. I still wanted to check on him. He had a massive bleed the other day and it set him back. I walked in on them kissing and flipped my shit at Will. I dunno what’s going on because after I flipped my shit, I left. It probably seemed like I stormed out in a huff, but I was so nauseous, I went and puked. Will followed and saw me throwing up. Fuck knows what he’s thinking. Fuck knows what Zeke was thinking. He broke up with his boyfriend after his cancer diagnosis. Everything’s a mess, hence complicated. But yeah, there’s… stuff with Andi. Signs, maybe. Bad dreams I’ll tell you about them when my brain isn’t so foggy. I just don’t want to freak you out with it. Dude, ask her out. Trust me, she’s amazing. I don’t know if she’ll say yes, though, so just be prepared. She’s working on adjusting to her new body, and it’s been taking time. It’s not as easy as going under the knife to get a new body and bouncing out of the hospital all fixed. If only. Just remember, though, you’ll be working with her. Like, directly with her. Kissing her on stage when you’re understudying. And, you know, my guy’s totally hot when he kisses her. I’m as gay as they come and I still find it hot watching him kiss Cas. People think I’m supposed to be getting jealous or some shit. It’s not like that. Remind me to tell you more about my sexuality when my brain is better. I’m asexual, but that’s complicated too. Go ask her out, though. I’m serious. Tell her you need someone to show you around NYC.”
Tori was shaking his head and gave a low whistle. “Sounds epic complicated, man. Fucking hell, I have a whole world to catch up on. But Justin said maybe I can hang out with you guys and your friends, that everyone’s so cool and welcoming. That would be awesome. I’m a fish out of water, no doubt about that. I’ve only had a couple of secondary roles and some charity shows I worked in. Understudying on Broadway is absolute serious business, and under Justin being the star he is. Dude, what’s it like? Being engaged to a celebrity? Do you know how many of my pals in London nearly wet themselves when I told them I was going for the role? They were giving themselves hernias trying to talk me into getting autographs for them. He’s a massive deal. I saw those paparazzi pics of you with him at the London Eye when you were over there. Like, dude, you were trailed by paps! You’re living the high life!” He returned the smirk and waved his hand. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. At least, about the paps, I am. Not about my friends creaming their jeans over him. Males and females. Okay, so… how about this? You tuck down and crash out so you can get better, I’ll try to decide if I have the balls to ask Cassidy out on a date, make sure I go visit Zeke, and you and I can go for a drive somewhere to touch base about Ands, take a bit of time to remember her? Sound good? I can see you need rest, I don’t want to pick your brain apart while you’re not feeling good.”
Sasha looked up at Tori, wondering if he knew he had totalled his car and hadn’t driven since the crash, but he didn’t ask. Tori had his licence, so they could always borrow a car for the day. Kip’s truck was sitting idle somewhere because he hadn’t been able to drive since he was diagnosed with epilepsy that wasn’t classified as stable yet. “Sounds like a plan, buddy. I can be in all that. But… when you chat to Cas, remember she’s been through a lot lately. I mean, I can tell you didn’t baulk at all about her being trans. You’re not judgemental or freaked out by stuff like that, so I think you guys will hit it off, but she’s had struggles and I don’t know how much she would want to talk to you about. It might take time to get to know her, know she’s safe with you. It too time with Jus and me. But that was the special part about it all. I still cherish every moment of getting to know him back then. Can I call you when I’m feeling a bit more human. Just chuck your new number in my phone.” He pointed to where his phone was sitting on the nightstand. “You’re going to be great on the production, dude. And you’ll love working with Jus and Cas. You really will.”
Tori smiled, tapping his number into Sasha’s phone for him. He loved the lockscreen photo, a selfie of him and Justin kissing. He held it up, shaking his head fondly. “You, engaged. Andi would be so over the moon for you, man. I know I’m sloppy seconds, but I still share her blood. I’m your brother as much as hers.” He patted Sasha’s shoulder and stood up. “Sleep well, yeah? I can’t wait to be back in your life.”
LOG, COMPLETE
What: Reconnecting
Where: Casa de Campbell, NYC
When: After this
Even though inside, Sasha had on dark sunglasses and was being helped out of a wheelchair parked in the living room by Justin. It turned out to be convenient that Mark still had the wheelchair he used when he had been sick because when Sasha got hit with one of these demon migraines, it took a few days for the numbness in his body to abate. It wasn’t needed just around home because Justin helped him with everything, and if Justin wasn’t there, Mark helped him. Sasha trusted Justin’s dad just as much as he did Justin. He didn’t get embarrassed around him anymore. But Sasha needed to see a doctor because it had been a particularly bad one and his GP wanted him to have an MRI just make sure the hemiplegic migraine was the correct diagnosis. Plus, he got more refills on his much-needed medication.
The doorbell rang just as Sasha was struggling to his feet with Justin’s help. Justin took his full weight, arm wrapped securely around his way while Sasha hooked his hand around Justin’s neck. On the upside, after being briefly mortified in the car trip home that he peed himself, turned out he just spilled his water on his lap when he dozed off accidentally. He couldn’t feel a lot of the left side of his body, so he panicked that he couldn’t tell if he wet himself. Luckily, he still kept control of his functions this time. Now, he was just so wiped out and recovering from feeling so bad with terrible migraine. It turned into a demon migraine quickly when it it. Stress and anxiety probably triggered it, he knew that. But now it had climaxed and he had pushed into recovery, he was feeling very much hungover but the pain had eased. Save for one time at the hospital when he got dizzy in the elevator, it had been around six hours since he last threw up. The worst of it was gone, he just had to rest and recover now.
“You okay to stand, beautiful? I can carry you if you’re too dizzy. Just give me the word, no playing heroes,” Justin said, watching him closely. Then he gave Sasha a loving smile and pressing a lingering kiss to his temple. “You just look so adorable when you’re sick. Sorry.”
Sasha snorted. “I look like hell, but nice try. I’m a bit dizzy, but I’ll be okay to get to bed.” They got up the hall to their bedroom and right as Justin was about to nudge the door closed behind them, Gen appeared with a smile.
Gen wrapped her arm around Sasha’s shoulders and gave him an expert mom-kiss to the top of his head. “There’s a visitor here to see you, sweetheart. A little birdie told me it’s someone you’ll really want to see.” She rubbed his back softly, trying not to make it too obvious that she was fussing. But she totally was. Justin had everything in hand, but it was impossible not to mom the kids living with them when they were feeling poorly. She stepped aside, gesturing to Sasha’s guest.
Justin helped Sasha sit on the side of the bed because the wooziness was coming back. Once he was off his feet, Sasha saw who it was and his mouth fell open. “T-Tori,” he gasped, pushing his sunglasses on top of his head to get a better look at him. He still squinted against the brightness of the overhead light. “I… I...what are you… w-where did you… fucking hell, you’re really here?! Why? How? When did you get in? Shit, I’m so sorry, I look awful. Bloody hell, I can’t believe you’re here. I look like shit.” Even though his speech was still a bit slurred, the words came tumbling out in shock. He hadn’t seen Tori in ages and seeing him there, he tried not to burst into tears. He really did… and epically failed.
And as soon as Tori saw Sash cry, he was going to follow. Like that was never going to happen. No words even needed to be said on the why. The why was obvious. He just thought he might have been able to make it through the surprise greeting before that happened. He wasn’t naive enough to think there would be no tears. He had been prepared to see Sasha looking rough because Justin gave him the head’s up. In fact, Tori knew it was super kind of Justin to even be cool with him coming to visit when Sash had been sick. But even just the couple of times Tori had spoken to Justin, he realised he was the sweet guy all his fans said he was. He couldn’t have wished for a more perfect match for Sash. Andi would have been so freaking proud, she would’ve been the best damn Maid of Honour to ever exist. Justin shot him a text as soon as Sasha was past the worst of the migraine, but Tori didn’t mean to upset him.
Justin grabbed a nearby box of tissues and then collected a second from the attached ensuite. He helped Sasha into bed and tucked the covers in around him, led Tori to sit on the bed beside him, and gave them both a box of tissues. He turned the lights right down low and said he would make some tea, or get his hands on anything Sash might be able to keep down. Tori watched them both and saw how sweet they were together. Justin was so attentive and caring, and even if Sash was crying and not feeling the best himself, he still asked Justin if he was okay. Justin seemed to palm him off a little, jumping in to tell Sash he needed to be back in bed resting.
Justin Facetimed Tori a short while before to let him know that he could come around and visit Sasha when they got home from his doctor’s appointment. He warned that Sash looked pretty shitty at the moment. Sasha’s migraines were worse than how they would have been when they last saw each other, and explained this new form. Something called hemiplegic migraines that were neurologic and frankly sounded fucking terrifying. When Tori asked if Justin was his carer when it happened, considering it affected his functioning and mobility, Justin laughed but then got this look on his face Tori could only describe as sad or even devastated. It didn’t last long, and then he corrected Tori saying Sasha was his carer. Literally. That was huge. Like, Tori knew a lot from his folks about how Sasha met Justin and now they were together. Engaged, even. Which was freaking awesome. He obviously knew Justin had bipolar, because he wasn’t just a sufferer, but an activist for mental illness. When it came to specifics about Justin and Sasha, though, their parents admitted Sasha censored and filtered what he spoke about. They doubted it was because Sasha was secretive, but because he was being protective. They had seen that in action for many years with Andi. Sasha took care of her, and was there for her unconditionally, even on the worst days. Even when he had migraines. He would literally sit there with an eye mask on, head on the mattress off the hospital bed and just hold her hand while he sat there in pain and feeling sick.
Tori gave Sash a smile and came over, scooping him into a hug, giving him a tearful smile. “Fuck, man. It’s awesome to see you. I’m so over the moon.” He sat on the side of the bed. “You look rough. Still feeling sick? Justin said this migraine was a baddie. I got into Boston around a week ago. Caught up with family, then flew down here for a meeting. I want to tell you right off the bat, I’ve been offered a job. Here, New York. You’ll never guess what it is. I mean, your head might not even be capable of a guessing game right now. Shit, Sash, you really look terrible. You can’t even walk without help...”
Sasha only managed a weak, one-armed hug back. He still had some of the numbness that came with the migraine but he could feel it wasn’t as bad as it had been. “I’m sorry I look so terrible. Walking without help is an improvement. I couldn’t even get on my feet a couple of days ago. Wait, Justin said… when did you…?” When Tori sat back, he gave him a confused look, wondering if it was just his brain lacking power and he misheard something. “Justin arranged with you to come visit me? How did he know you were here?”
He was sitting up in bed, propped up on fluffed pillows with an array of items nearby that indicated how sick he had been. Fluids on offer for him to try to see if he could keep anything down a bit better now. Peppermint tea untouched from this morning, a bottle of Pedialyte, water, and ginger ale. The bedroom was messy because obviously tidying up wouldn’t have been a priority for Justin while he was stressing and worried. As soon as the pain abated, Sasha saw how terrible Justin looked from lack of sleep but rather than staying in bed to catch up on some sleep that morning, he went to the doctor’s appointment with Sasha. His neurologist gave him an injection for the sickness and a special medication via a nasal spray to reduce some of the neurological symptoms. With a bit of help, he had been able to leave the hospital and make it home, but he was starting to feel woozy again back in the car. He was under strict doctor’s orders to go home to bed and rest for the next forty-eight hours. If things weren’t resolved by then, it might mean a hospital stay for IV treatment, something he had when he was original diagnosed with hemiplegic migraines. He and Justin were going to snuggle up and catch up on some sleep together, but suddenly Tori was here? Sasha was maybe wondering just a little if he was hallucinating, possibly because Tori and Andi looked similar. Weirder things had happened, right, and this had been one really bad migraine episode.
“All this time and you’re still apologising unnecessarily?” Tori wiped his eyes with his fingers, fighting the urge to fuss with Sasha’s blankets or fluff his pillows. He had seen Justin had that all in hand and it was only nervousness making Tori believe he should offer help with that. Sash would call him out on it in no time. “Yes, Justin said. Because the job I’ve been offered is his understudy with Footloose! Not because he’s your other half or anything like that, but because his uncle’s girlfriend scouted me on the West End. Only, I didn’t know who she was at first. I only found out about that subsequently. I flew over here for a live audition and to meet Caden and Justin, and Justin told me by text that I had the job if I wanted it. So, um… how well do you know Cassidy?”
There was no way Sasha’s brain could keep up with all this at once. He was still back on processing the fact Tori just said he got the job as Justin’s understudy, something Justin had been nervous about. Then to take that leap, which was actually a pretty smooth segue. Even if they had both been in tears a couple of minutes ago, the borderline-goofy eager smile on Tori’s lips now had Sasha wanting to counteract with all the all the teasing of a brother… even if they weren’t biological brothers. His lips curled in a smirk, looking over Tori’s face. “If that was your attempt at acting casual, you’re a crap actor,” he said with a small laugh, resting his head back against the pillows. He was tired, but not too tired to spend some time catching up with Tori. He knew he probably had a lot to catch up on, losing a couple of days to this damn migraine that made him feel crap as hell again. “Do I detect a hint of a crush or is this an all-out fanboy infatuation with Justin’s new leading lady? Because he’ll kick your ass if you start stalking her. I’m not even kidding, she’s like a sister to him… and just out of a relationship.”
Tori exhaled heavily at the news, tugging his lips to the side. “Damn. I was totally starting to doubt my resolve to never date co-stars, which I’m not even sure why I resolved other than all the other actors I worked with over there swore by it. She’s gorgeous, and she was so sweet. Like, I’m pretty sure I nearly got a boner watching her dance with Justin, and I promise, that has nothing to do with your fiance’s ass and everything to do with his co-stars, um… let’s just say she was wearing this corset that really, really, really suited her. Never have I been more impressed by purpose sequins and I’ve done cabaret and been to Pride parades to support my brother and sister. So, she’s, like, rebounding? I couldn’t convince her to have dinner with me? Really, the last thing I want to do is piss Justin off when I haven’t even signed a contract yet.” He rubbed his forehead with his fingertips. “But if you wanted to tell me more about her, I totally wouldn’t be opposed.”
Sasha watched Tori in amusement, analysing the way his face was lit-up but quickly fell at the news Cas may be rebounding. “What do you know about her? I can’t know what more to tell you if you don’t let me in on that. But I wouldn’t be so fast in writing her off because of her recent break-up. It was… unique circumstances, so to speak. It wasn’t a bad break-up. She’s still good friends with her ex. The complicated thing is…” Well, it was complicated THINGS, really. He knew this, but he didn’t want to blow Tori off the scent when he was clearly hot for Cas. That might be something she wasn’t opposed to, it wasn’t Sasha’s call to make. “She was dating Merlin Larson, who plays Willard in the show. If you take the job, that is. I am so out of the loop, it’s not even funny. Jus’ life moves fast, so a few days out of the loop, a lot can change. I didn’t even realise he was being involved in any auditions at the moment because…” He stopped again. He didn’t know how much Justin had let Tori in on, but if he had been offered the job, it was probably at least baselines stuff. Like, for example, the fact he was having a cyclic episode. At least, he had been when Sasha’s migraine set in.
“Not a lot. Just that she’s gorgeous and purple is totally her colour. Oh, and that she has these gorgeous blonde curls and amazing green eyes. I swear to god, man, she’s the hottest chick I’ve ever seen. Work with me here.” Tori puffed his cheeks out and held his hand up. “Not that you really can. Not only are you sick, but you’re gay and asexual. Mom and Dad kept me up-to-date on that important stuff. Justin wasn’t involved in the auditions. I met him after Caden and his team auditioned me and I was shortlisted. They said the final step is how well I can work with Justin and the chemistry I have with Cassidy as Ariel. Even just on the stage, but Caden said his productions tend to always work better if the cast gel well beyond the stage. So, I knew there would be a process I went through once I got here, but it went really, really well. I know she’s new to the part, but I don’t know much else. She wasn’t even supposed to be there, she came along to visit him and stuck around. They were singing together when I got there and she was just… I couldn’t take my eyes off her. But of course she’s taken. Even if they broke up, they’ll probably get back together because the guy would have to be nuts not to try to get her back. But that’s enough about me. How are you feeling, dude? Justin filled me in a little about the bad migraine and you’ve been pretty wiped out for a few days now. And I can’t believe you’re engaged, holy shit! I was near blinded by Justin’s ring when I met him. It was the second thing I noticed after how hot Cassidy is.”
Sasha was just keeping up with Tori’s pace of jumping between subjects with ease, squinting as he processed all this new information. “No, dude, Cas isn’t blonde. She’s brunette. Are you sure it was her and not the girl who plays Rusty? I’m gay and asexual, T. Not blind. Cas is gorgeous, but she’s got brown hair. Justin’s got a Playbill over on the bookshelf there. Go check out her headshot. You’ll see what I mean. Because the girl who plays Rusty is completely single and I’m sure she’d love to go on a date with you.” He shrugged and tried to shift his left leg beneath the blankets but it was still weak and numb down the side. “Not enough about you. We have loads to catch up on. But I’m feeling okay. Much better than I was. He’s right, it’s been a horrible few days. The pain and puking is bad enough, but when this other shit happens on top of it, it’s awful. I can’t even go to the bathroom without help because I lose functioning in the whole side of my body. I can’t get words out, I can’t sit without hurling. Luckily, it doesn’t happen like this often. But we’ve been a bit stressed. I’ve had extra-credit projects and exams, Jus has had an episode, and Zeke…” He trailed off, looking at Tori for any signs he knew the bad news. “Did your folks tell you about Zeke?”
“I’m sure she said her name was Cassidy. Her name was on the outside of the theatre and, I mean, I knew from the information emailed through to me before I got here.” Tori got up and went to find the Playbill Sasha was talking about. It was lying on top of a row of books and he flipped to the photos. “Yes! That’s her. She’s got brown hair here, but she definitely had blonde when I met her. With this totally smoking outfit, too. These sexy knee-high boots. Her makeups all different to what it is here too. More dramatic, more sexy. She kind of looks girl-nextdoorish here, but when I met her, supermodel hot. This other Rusty girl wasn’t there. Only Justin and Cassidy. She showed me around the theatre. I’ve been chatting to Justin by text on and off. I know he’s busy, but he seems so nice, dude. I’m not surprised at all. Like any person you ended up with would be an asshole. I’ve been so nervous about meeting him. Not even to do with the job, but because I wanted your main guy to like me. Andi will be over there arranging lightning bolts to shoot me up the ass if I fucked it all up. Wait, Zeke? The Zeke Andi met in chemo? Oh fuck, he’s gone too, hasn’t he? But he was getting better! Last time I saw him, they were expecting him to go into remission.” He dropped the Playbill on the bed and stared at his feet for a couple of moments before he took Sasha’s hand and squeezed it softly.
Sasha shook his head, but only a little. He didn’t want to set off another dizzy spell that was a slippery slope into nausea and throwing up. He had done so much of that over the last couple of days that his stomach muscles were hurting. Even getting to the doctors, the car ride made him so nauseous, he had to sit in the car in the parking lot throwing up before his appointment. But it seemed to be passing now. The shot he got in his butt by the doctor definitely helped. “No, no. He didn’t die. He went into remission. His cousin, Shannon, lives down here. Not in New York, in New Jersey, but it’s not too far away. So, when he heard I had a boyfriend here, Justin, he came down from Boston with me to see his family, and we all ended up in the same squad of friends. Justin’s friends, who happened to be Shannon’s friends. Which was really cool, like. Shannon was in the hospital here after a bad accident, and Justin’s uncle works there too. But get this, dude… it’s where Peyton works now. It’s where Zeke is now, because he got sick again and he’s just been told her has more tumours in his stomach. He’s had more surgery and he’s having chemo and radiation again. He’s been really sick and… it’s just been stressful because he’s pretty much been my best friend since Andi was gone. You should go visit him, he’d really like that.” He didn’t want to let his brain stick on the situation with Zeke right now. The whole thing with Will made him so angry, but at the same time, he had already been getting a migraine so he didn’t quite know exactly what the situation was. He needed to talk to Zeke, but he had been too sick to move to get back to the hospital. They looked in on him after Sasha’s doctor’s appointment earlier, but he had been sleeping. Apparently had a really bad night, which stressed Sasha out even more to hear. “Cas must’ve changed her hair. You know she’s trans, right? She only just recently took the role. She’s breakout, like Justin. And long story short, it hasn’t been long since she had surgery.”
Tori exhaled heavily, looking at Sasha as he revealed this new information about Zeke. He knew Zeke pretty well. He spent much time with Andi because they were diagnosed at similar times so were on the same chemo schedules and had the same Oncology specialist. Even if Tori was in London much of the time, he still came home to visit, of course. Plus, he chatted to Andi on Skype all the time Zeke was present a lot, as was Sasha. He had a different type of cancer to Andi. He had stomach and bowel tumours which had metastasized to nearby lymph nodes. He underwent a couple of massive surgeries to remove the tumours and then started chemo. Andi had leukemia, so there was no surgery or anything like that. By the time they found a bone marrow donor match, it was too late. It wouldn’t have bought her anymore time. It was sobering to hear Zeke was sick again. At first, it was believed he wouldn’t make it and Andi would be the one to hit remission and recover. Zeke’s chances were much lower. But somehow, as is the nature of cancer, the prognoses were flipped on their heads. Zeke survived and recovered, Andi ended up terminal and passed away. Tori had a lump in his throat and shifted to sit beside Sasha on the bed, likely the spot Justin sleeped, back resting against the wall. He held onto Sasha’s hand, needing to reclaim the connection of their friendship. He was only about 12 months older than Sasha, but being absent in London, he hadn’t seen as much of him in person as the rest of his family had. “Fuck, I… h-have they… has he… is he going to… um… what’s his prognosis. Not that a prognosis is anything to bank on. We know that, but… it’s hope, you know?” With his mind wandering through everything he was hearing, his eyes skimmed around the room, taking in Sasha and Justin’s room. It was massive, and he could see much of Sasha’s character in it, but obviously mixed perfectly with Justin. There was a Footloose poster on the wall next to a classic mounted Indycar poster of Sasha’s dad in his heyday. “Shit, Cas is sick too? She’s had surgery? But she looked amazing. Not sick at all. Seriously, dude, she was smoking. It took all my self-control not to ask at Box Office for a poster of hers to jerk off over. Clearly I’m going to hell, considering what we’re talking about.”
“It’s okay, Tor. Zeke’s still Zeke. He’s still in the best spirits he can be, but the last week or so, he’s had come complications. He had another big operation. He was doing really well, back at school, dating, all that stuff. Still longer-term issues from the chemo, but he was taking them in his stride. Then he got really sick and really quick. Like, a matter of a couple of days. They admitted him to hospital for a pile of tests and found another large tumour in his stomach. He had another surgery, and they got most of it. Not all of it. So, they resectioned and gave him another stoma, which they hope is temporary, to rest his stomach. But depending on how the chemo goes to reduce what’s left of the tumour, he may need it permanently. Which he doesn’t want, and it’s really upset him. Even still then, he’s been in pretty good spirits. Just questioning a lot. You know, like Andi would some days. Wondering about life, what they want. He’s really convinced he isn’t going to make it this time, but we can’t say to him he will. We know positive platitudes are useless,” Sasha murmured, knowing that was something significant for Justin too. Justin didn’t process positive platitudes at all. They usually made him more upset and made him feel like his problems were being minimised, or he would be a failure if he couldn’t look on he bright side. They tended to agitate him more, and Zeke had been the same lately. The best thing people could do for a sick person doing their damn best to keep their head above water before you came along with your platitudes was just remind them you were there to support them or help them however they needed. That you loved them regardless. That was better than the weight of platitude. “I don’t mean surgery-surgery. I mean, I do. It’s still surgery and invasive, but I mean gender-confirmation surgery, dude. She’s had top and bottom now. The latter only recently, so she’s been getting used to her new body and going through a lot of soul-searching. It wouldn’t surprise me if she’s changing her look because I think I remember something about seeing Ajay. That’s Justin’s Stylist. He seriously knows his stuff, so even if I’m gay, I have no doubt she was smoking. But she was before too. You’re totally crushing on her, oh my god. Are you going to ask her on a date?”
“I’ll definitely drop by and see him. I’m going to be staying with Peyton when I start the job. He says his dating life is non-existent, so having his little brother live with him won’t cramp a style he doesn’t have. I’ll grab a lift to the hospital with him. Zeke’s okay for visitors? I mean, if he’s not having a really bad day, that is. I know Some days, it’s too hard to have visitors. Fuck, I can’t believe he’s relapsed at that age. You wouldn’t wish that on your worst enemy, let alone someone as sweet as Zeke. Ands always said he made her laugh, even on the days it felt like all she had were tears. Has this just happened, or has he been in hospital awhile.” Tori bit his lip and gave Sasha a sheepish look. “Shit, I didn’t even think that type of surgery when you said that. Not that I would automatically expect visual signs, but I had no idea she was trans. All the research I did on the production before my audition, the other girl was still the female lead. She’s so beautiful, but she’s probably way out of my league. And I don’t want Justin to kick my ass if he thinks I want to mack on her because I was totally checking her out the day I met them at the theatre. What’s she like? Do you think she’d want to come on a date with me? What can you tell me about her? She quite possibly could be the most gorgeous girl I’ve ever seen. You should’ve seen her outfit, it was so freaking trendy. Like, high fashion trendy. Even if it was a Stylist, she pulled it off awesomely. But tell me more about you, man! Engaged? Holy shit, you’re leaving the rest of us for dust. What made you know you were ready to do the whole massive romantic proposal thing? Mom said you did it when you were in Australia for Justin’s dad’s wedding. What’s Australia like? Is it as awesome as it seems? I totally heard Justin’s accent too. Love the Aussie accent. There would always be these Aussie backpackers who would come to the pub the cast of our show would go to after Saturday’s performance. They were hilarious. Always made me want to go.”
Sasha smiled, glad Tori was settling in beside him. He wasn’t sure how long he could last before he fell asleep with the injection the doctor gave him (it could make him drowsy), but this was nice for now. Especially after how shitty he had been feeling. Justin had arranged this, probably knowing he would want time with Tori now he was in town. They had a hell of a lot to catch up on. More than one chat could cover, but even then, he still wanted to cover some ground. Granted, likely ground that skimmed the subject of Andi’s death like it was. Normally, he didn’t struggle talking about her or her death to anyone, but he had realised talking to her family was incredibly hard. He would end up crying, and crying in the post-migraine phase could stir it up again if it ended up being those ugly cries with snot everywhere and it felt like you couldn’t stop. Talking to Andi’s family caused that. Maybe it would never be easy. Only, Tori had been easier than Peyton, who accused him of replacing Andi with Justin. All unfounded, and Peyton had apologised, but even then, Sasha still hadn’t reconnected with Peyton, even if they had a heart-to-heart the night of his car accident. “Zeke needs visitors. He’s feeling lonely and isolated this time around, like he’s missing out or left out of the loop. He’s not, but I can understand why he feels that way. Our squad, there’s so much going on. It’d just be feeling amplified for him. Plus… well, there’s this issue. A really complicated issue, and the last I saw him, I was having a shouting-fest with a dude in hospital room right before I had to run and puke. So, I haven’t had the chance to clear the air. It’s… complicated. But he’ll be over the moon to see you. Just like I am. It’ll be hard, though. Everything we do, it comes back to Andi. I miss her so fucking much. My life has changed in every way possible. I just wish she was here to share it with.” He gave Tori a tiny soft nudge in the shoulder, smirking at him. “Ask her anyway. What have you got to lose? Don’t second-guess it. She needs people not second-guessing and just helping her feel more normal. She’s amazing, she’s so sweet. Like a sister to Justin in a lot of ways, they’re really close. They met in hospital. She has some psychological stuff relating to her gender struggles. You should really ask her out if you’re into her. You better be quick, her fanbase is growing rapidly and I’m sure it has a lot of single dudes. Australia is unbelievable. We visit a lot, you should come over some time! And I don’t know… it just felt right. We’ve been through so much. He makes me happy. And, well, he’s the only person I ever want to have sex with, so there’s that…” He shuffled around a bit to lie down, rolling onto his side so he was facing Tori.
“You okay?” Tori asked, watching Sasha shift to lie down. He was really pale and had dark circles under his eyes like he had been awake for a week. Justin said Sash’s migraine had gone on for about 4 days from the point it began with the precursory aura. He knew how much Sasha’s migraine could wipe him out. “I can go if you need to sleep. I’ll make sure we catch up again real soon, seeing as it looks like I’ll be sticking around for the foreseeable future. Maybe we could take a drive somewhere, have a little, like, memorial day for Andi. Justin can come too, or anyone else. Or just us. I was, um… chatting to Justin in texts and he mentioned some strange things have happened, unexplainable. Something about you… seeing things, or something? Because I think stuff like that has happened to me too. I’m not sure, though. I always think I’m just hoping too hard for a sign from her. Like I’d even recognise a sign if there was one. I always made her promise that if she got to the other side and could give me a sign she was thinking of me, to do it. In saying that, I’m pretty sure she’d choose you first. She always worried about leaving you, dude. So much. And like I said to Justin, considering what he goes through, maybe she’s just sticking close so he’s not alone if… I’m sorry… just if he loses his battle, you know? When illness wins. We all know how hard that is. I can see her keeping a close watch on him, because he loves you. She’d need no other reason than that. And I bet she’s watching over Zeke too. Somewhere, trying to give him a Bat Call to keep going and not let it win, no matter how hard it feels. What do you mean complicated? Why were you shouting at him? You don’t shout at anyone unless it’s serious business. Dude, be honest? Cas is totally out of my league, I just know it. But would she like going to dinner with me? If I asked her out? Or should I just keep to myself and respect she’s not long ended a relationship with the Merlin dude?’
“Just a bit woozy. I apologise in advance if I fall asleep. It’s just not as bad if I’m lying down. I’m getting better, though. It’s not as intense. I don’t feel like my head is being crushed in one of those car crusher machines. I don’t even know an easy way to explain the complicated. It’s a really long story and you’ll hear more about it inevitably, but I guess the nutshell version is this… Justin’s last relationship ended really badly. His ex was a thundercunt, to put it lightly. But he’s not anymore. He figured out how he fucked up and sorted his shit out. Way back when Jus and I started dating, the dude showed up drunk and decked me. His brother was so pissed off, he sent him back home to his parents in Australia, so he was out of the picture for a long time. Then he came back, and he’s sorted shit out with Jus and I don’t think he’s a cunt anymore. Only, I went to visit Z the other day, but my head was already hurting and the migraine was setting in. I still wanted to check on him. He had a massive bleed the other day and it set him back. I walked in on them kissing and flipped my shit at Will. I dunno what’s going on because after I flipped my shit, I left. It probably seemed like I stormed out in a huff, but I was so nauseous, I went and puked. Will followed and saw me throwing up. Fuck knows what he’s thinking. Fuck knows what Zeke was thinking. He broke up with his boyfriend after his cancer diagnosis. Everything’s a mess, hence complicated. But yeah, there’s… stuff with Andi. Signs, maybe. Bad dreams I’ll tell you about them when my brain isn’t so foggy. I just don’t want to freak you out with it. Dude, ask her out. Trust me, she’s amazing. I don’t know if she’ll say yes, though, so just be prepared. She’s working on adjusting to her new body, and it’s been taking time. It’s not as easy as going under the knife to get a new body and bouncing out of the hospital all fixed. If only. Just remember, though, you’ll be working with her. Like, directly with her. Kissing her on stage when you’re understudying. And, you know, my guy’s totally hot when he kisses her. I’m as gay as they come and I still find it hot watching him kiss Cas. People think I’m supposed to be getting jealous or some shit. It’s not like that. Remind me to tell you more about my sexuality when my brain is better. I’m asexual, but that’s complicated too. Go ask her out, though. I’m serious. Tell her you need someone to show you around NYC.”
Tori was shaking his head and gave a low whistle. “Sounds epic complicated, man. Fucking hell, I have a whole world to catch up on. But Justin said maybe I can hang out with you guys and your friends, that everyone’s so cool and welcoming. That would be awesome. I’m a fish out of water, no doubt about that. I’ve only had a couple of secondary roles and some charity shows I worked in. Understudying on Broadway is absolute serious business, and under Justin being the star he is. Dude, what’s it like? Being engaged to a celebrity? Do you know how many of my pals in London nearly wet themselves when I told them I was going for the role? They were giving themselves hernias trying to talk me into getting autographs for them. He’s a massive deal. I saw those paparazzi pics of you with him at the London Eye when you were over there. Like, dude, you were trailed by paps! You’re living the high life!” He returned the smirk and waved his hand. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. At least, about the paps, I am. Not about my friends creaming their jeans over him. Males and females. Okay, so… how about this? You tuck down and crash out so you can get better, I’ll try to decide if I have the balls to ask Cassidy out on a date, make sure I go visit Zeke, and you and I can go for a drive somewhere to touch base about Ands, take a bit of time to remember her? Sound good? I can see you need rest, I don’t want to pick your brain apart while you’re not feeling good.”
Sasha looked up at Tori, wondering if he knew he had totalled his car and hadn’t driven since the crash, but he didn’t ask. Tori had his licence, so they could always borrow a car for the day. Kip’s truck was sitting idle somewhere because he hadn’t been able to drive since he was diagnosed with epilepsy that wasn’t classified as stable yet. “Sounds like a plan, buddy. I can be in all that. But… when you chat to Cas, remember she’s been through a lot lately. I mean, I can tell you didn’t baulk at all about her being trans. You’re not judgemental or freaked out by stuff like that, so I think you guys will hit it off, but she’s had struggles and I don’t know how much she would want to talk to you about. It might take time to get to know her, know she’s safe with you. It too time with Jus and me. But that was the special part about it all. I still cherish every moment of getting to know him back then. Can I call you when I’m feeling a bit more human. Just chuck your new number in my phone.” He pointed to where his phone was sitting on the nightstand. “You’re going to be great on the production, dude. And you’ll love working with Jus and Cas. You really will.”
Tori smiled, tapping his number into Sasha’s phone for him. He loved the lockscreen photo, a selfie of him and Justin kissing. He held it up, shaking his head fondly. “You, engaged. Andi would be so over the moon for you, man. I know I’m sloppy seconds, but I still share her blood. I’m your brother as much as hers.” He patted Sasha’s shoulder and stood up. “Sleep well, yeah? I can’t wait to be back in your life.”
LOG, COMPLETE