Amarlie-Rose Satori (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
innocenteyes) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
dreamlikenewyork2018-03-24 04:21 pm
innocenteyes) wrote in dreamlikenewyork2018-03-24 04:21 pm
"Sometimes it's hard to keep secrets."
Who: Amarlie-Rose Satori, Keegan King, Blaize Lamont, Zenith Novak and Asher Brennan
What: Secrets Revealed
Where: Alec's apartment, NYC
When: After this and this
The last thing Amarlie wanted to do was burn this soup. She had been obsessively checking it, adjusting the temperature, stirring it. It gave her something to do over than the crippling overthinking she had been stuck in. It had only been after Justin called her out on avoiding a deep conversation with Keegan that she knew it was true. But for no other reason than she didn’t know how to have this conversation with him. Last time she had to face a horrible mistake like this, it ended terribly. Deep down, she knew Keegan was nothing like the horrible asshole who treated her badly last time she accidentally fell pregnant, but she was scared nonetheless.
Keegan had arrived in New York and Justin accompanied Amarlie to see him. He was staying with Alec, where his big brother, Kade was already a frequent guest. Kade and Alec were dating long-distance and it seemed to work, though Amarlie knew Alec would be over the moon if Kade stayed in New York. Kade just hadn’t been able to take the leap of faith and commit yet. Back when they were teenagers, they had been friends-with-benefits for years. Then they dated before their respective chosen careers - Alec, joining the military to study being a psychiatrist, and Kade, an Olympic-bound swimmer - split them worlds apart. They knew they had to set their relationship aside for their ambitions. Now they found each other again, but Amarlie knew that the relationship thing had to be hard, especially long-distance.
That was another thing stressing her out. She knew she had feelings for Keegan. At least, inklings of feelings she could turn into more if they didn’t live in separate countries. Alec and Kade seemed to make it work, but she didn’t know if she was cut out for it. Plus, Keegan was about to start an incredible study journey. Paramedical Science and Nursing, majoring in Mental Health. Amarlie had just started college in Fashion Design. They had one amazing night together the night of Mark and Gen’s wedding in Australia where they talked for hours and hours before finally giving into the chemistry, sleeping together at the resort. Amarlie screwed up taking her birth control pills, getting confused about timezones and missing a couple of days. Now she was pregnant and Keegan had flown to New York with Kade to try to sort out what to do. She admired him for that alone. He didn’t have to do anything, but he wanted. It was more than a lot of guys in this world would do.
But jumping from the hot Australia summer into a frankly freezing New York winter, Keegan caught a cold which rapidly turned into the flu. He had tried to push through it and go out to have lunch with Amarlie when Justin offered his driver to take them anywhere they wanted in the city. But he felt worse and worse before Amarlie finally bundled him up back to the apartment out of the cold. Even still then, Keegan was a trooper and tried to brush it off so they could talk. He gave Amarlie many openings, but she deflected them all. Soon, Keegan couldn’t deny how shit he was feeling so she told him to go to bed, stay warm and get some sleep to recover from the jetlag. It was a convenient excuse for her to avoid the inevitable conversation again.
A couple of days passed. Amarlie’s morning sickness got worse. Keegan did a whole lot of sleeping, Alec letting everyone know how he was doing when he dropped up to visit. He scored an apartment in the same block as Mark not long after making the decision to come to New York to be closer to his brothers and spend more time with his nieces and nephews. That’s where Amarlie was now, in Alec’s kitchen, heating up soup because she was a crap cook herself. She wanted to do something nice for Keegan seeing as it was her fault he had flown all this way and come down with the flu. She had cheated and asked Alec’s mom, Justin’s grandma, to help her out. Of course, Nana Campbell was incredible and did all the work for her. When Amarlie arrived with the pot of soup, Kade told her Keegan was sleeping but he and Alec soon left her alone so they could go out to lunch together. Amarlie discovered this was the first food item she smelled cooking in the morning hours that hadn’t made her throw up, so that was a success in itself. Whether Keegan wanted her here preparing chicken soup for him was another story.
“What’s all this?”
Amarlie jumped and nearly dropped the spoon into the pot of soup she was yet again stirring. Keegan was standing in the doorway in his pyjamas, smiling. He still sounded all congested and he was only hanging onto his voice by the skin of his teeth. It was scratchy and hoarse, but she had heard him coughing in his sleep on and off since she arrived and put the soup on the stove to reheat. She hadn’t known if he had an appetite or would want any, but it was a little something she could do to help. She hated that her hormones had her admiring how well his tight long-sleeved t-shirt hugged his body and how nicely his cotton pyjama pants sat low on his hips. He had slippers and socks on and smelled vaguely of cologne mixed with Vick’s Vaporub. Not surprising, considering Alec’s mom had been looking in on him frequently, apparently promising his mother back in Australia she would keep an eye on him while he was here. “Um, chicken soup. Which, I have to confess, I didn’t make because cooking is seriously not my strong point. I cheated and let Nana Campbell make it for me, but I think I’m totally nailing heating it up. I wasn’t sure you’d be up to eating. I just wanted to help.”
Keegan smiled and stepped up to peer into the pot. “You are helping. You didn’t have to do this. That’s so sweet. Sure you’re okay with food smells in the morning?” he asked and gave her a kiss on the cheeks. He had to fight the urge to wrap his arms around her and give her a cuddle. He hated himself for not dealing with this in a more collected way, but she was so gorgeous and kind, his feelings were running rampant. Even the pregnancy inside, he knew if he lived anywhere near Amarlie, he would be asking her on a date. He had never really clicked with a girl the same way he had Amarlie that night at the resort. He couldn’t explain it. Even through the flu, he was hot for her. But he also wanted to sit with her and talk everything out, hopefully to alleviate some of the stress of the situation.
“I think Nana Campbell’s magical nana healing powers are at play. It’s not making me sick at all. Justin’s Vegemite on toast yesterday morning, though? And I’m surrounded. Not only does he have it every morning, but so does his grandpa, his dad, and Sash now,” Amarlie laughed, pulling a face. He patted his shoulder softly. “I bet you cut your teeth on it too, huh? Give me fair warning if you’re going to break out the jar. I can’t even handle the smell of peppermint tea, which Sash has when he’s got a migraine. But don’t feel like you have to sympathy eat this or anything. I just… just… still trying to pluck up the courage to talk to you about the inevitable.”
“Oh, they always have. I remember when I was younger and Kade was pretty much always around at the Campbell place when they were all in school, Kade would take me around sometimes and she was the best cook. Mr and Mrs Campbell are really close friends with my folks. They always had the mutual sons and no daughters thing. Kade and Alec, they were right in the middle age-wise between the twins and James. I was way younger, but they still didn’t mind me hanging around with them. I wish I could promise you I don’t do Vegemite, but I was raised on that stuff! I’m highly impressed Justin’s tapped into his Aussie genes with it. Not to mention Sasha! That takes balls,” Keegan laughed, but it made him start to cough so he went to the sink and filled a glass with some water. “I want you to know that I’m not rushing you. I mean, I guess we’re on some sort of timeframe, but the first part of my course can be done online and I’ve already gotten the green light for it from the course convenor. I think we need to pluck up the courage to talk, because I’m scared too, but we don’t have to force it. From what you told me when Justin was here the other day, I’m not surprised you’re finding this difficult to talk about.”
Amarlie lowered her gaze, eyes shifting back to the spoon in the soup. “Okay, it’s not that it’s difficult. I mean, it is. Of course it is. I absolutely hate myself for getting into another mess like that. But honestly? I don’t hate that it happened or how. Because if I did, it would say I regretted what we did, and I don’t. That’s what’s so confusing. It’s actually the opposite of hate. And… I’ve talked to Jus about it pretty intently. Like, he’s pretty much one of the best non-judgmental listeners in the whole universe. Ever since he stopped thinking I was a crazed stalker fan, I’ve been able to talk to him so easily. He just… listens and sees the world differently. Sometimes, that’s the best thing you need when you’re going through crazy shit. And he sort of grounds you, so even though I panicked at first, I’ve gotten used to the fact it happened. So, it’s not difficult. It’s just that I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to want to do. The fact I’ve had an abortion before makes me feel like I don’t want to go through another one because I had a tough time. But, like, we both have crazy awesome career opportunities and the last thing either of us need is a baby when we live on opposite sides of the world.”
Keegan was trying to work through his flu-addled brain to figure out what to say that she didn’t think he was completely hopeless to help her, but the apartment doorbell went. He had no idea if Alec or Kade were expecting anyone, but Keegan knew they were going out for lunch today so no one else was home to answer it. The last thing he expected to see when he opened the door was Amarlie’s three BFFs - Zenith, Asher and Blaize - standing there. Keegan’s stomach shot up into his throat because 1) he hadn’t directly met any of them, even if they had all been at the wedding, and 2) the last he knew, Amarlie hadn’t told them she was pregnant yet because she was anxious about how they might receive the news. He knew she had talked to Justin and Sasha about it, but no one else was in the know the last conversation they attempted to have.
“So… when were you going to tell us you were knocked up?” Blaize asked and Keegan only realised Amarlie must have followed him to the door with that question. His stomach shot up into his throat with anxiety and whipped his head around to see her standing there. Probably not necessarily a bad thing, because he had no idea how to answer that without spilling all Amarlie’s secrets. Besides the fact, he was conscious to the fact he couldn’t be the one knocked up, but the flu had slowed his brain functioning down significantly. Plus, all three of these guys here right now looked like supermodels that just stepped out of the pages of a magazine, and there he was in his PJs, slippers and bed-hair. Then the penny dropped that if they had somehow found out about Amarlie’s pregnancy, and they were there at Alec’s door right now, they probably knew Keegan was the one to blame, and that ignited a panic in him. He didn’t know any of these guys and barely knew Amarlie. He didn’t actually want to get a punch in the dick for getting their girl pregnant.
Amarlie didn’t even know why she followed Keegan. Probably because she wasn’t ready to have their conversation cut off just when she began to figure out how to talk to him about it. But did she expect the Three Musketeers to be at the door? Absolutely not. As soon as Blaize put that out there with all that sassy flare of his, her hands flew up to her mouth and she just gaped between the three of them, eyes wide. And then, “I’m going to kill them!” The only other people who knew were Justin and Sasha… or… “Unless it was you!” she added, throwing an accusatory point at Keegan. Defensive was the only immediate reaction she had being sprung here, especially under the three pointed gazes coming from the boys. She could feel that her face had turned a flaming red by the heat in it. Internally, she was panicking like hell, trying to scramble for a reaction here.
“It wasn’t me!” Keegan squeaked, taking a step back with his hands up in surrender. “I don’t even know them! Do I? I don’t even know you!” He looked imploringly at the other three guys and then buried his face in his hands with a mumbled, ‘Oh my god’.
“Told you J would know,” Asher piped up, giving Zenith a softly nudge with his shoulder. “We’ve been well and truly demoted.”
“Demoted?” Amarlie asked, frowning. “Hang on, if not Justin, then Sasha…” But the words trailed off, because even as she said it out loud, it sounded ludicrous. Sasha wasn’t the sort to spill anyone’s secrets. Neither was Justin, unless it was open knowledge. Now she was just confused as hell, but on the receiving end of what looked to be three hurt gazes and one wide-eyed deer-in-headlights stare.
Zenith definitely had a frown too, but it was confused more than anything. He glanced at Asher with his comment and rubbed the back of his neck. “It wasn’t J or Sash, but now we pretty much have confirmation. You used to tell us everything, now we’re not sure you need us anymore. Seriously, guys, what are we doing here?”
“We’ve got something to tell her, remember?” Blaize said pointedly and easily breezed past Amarlie and Keegan to go inside without being invited in. “You think you could spend the last however many mornings praying to the porcelain god and us not notice? Come on, darling, you know us better than that,” he added, sauntering into the living room and dropping onto the sofa, making himself at home.
“It’s not like that!” Amarlie protested, but as soon as the words were out of her mouth, she knew that must be exactly how it seemed. She followed Blaize because he seemed almost indifferent, but he also threw that hook out there that they had something to tell her. “Oh my god, you’re moving back to SF, aren’t you? You don’t understand. It’s not that I don’t need you, it’s just… just...” She had hurt them that much that they were going to ditch her here in New York and go back home.
“Don’t you know how to wrap, for fuck’s sake?” Zenith asked as he sauntered by Keegan and gave him a pretty significant bitch-glare. Asher followed, and they each took a seat beside Blaize on the sofa, even if the conversation was already derailing. Zenith really thought he could set aside how offended he was that Amarlie was keeping something so serious from them, but it was rushing to the forefront. He hadn’t gotten a lot of sleep last night, but that was a whole other story…
Amarlie shot Zenith an exasperated glare and then turned back to Keegan, patting his arm. “Ignore his bitchiness, this isn’t your fault. It’s on both of us.” She came to stand beside the sofa, frowning at them. “I was going to tell you, I just thought I had to try to sort things out with Keegan first before it became public knowledge. It’s not just about us anymore, it’s the whole squad and our extended family now. I told Justin and Sash because I was trying to figure out what I should do. What I really wanted to do was go straight and get it sorted without telling anyone so I didn’t have to think about it, but after what happened last time, I was terrified.” She winced and glanced at Keegan. She hadn’t go to telling him that bit yet. That she nearly just got the termination without telling anyone, but her guilt and fear won out. That was why she wanted it to be Justin. She knew he would have advice on how to try to do the right thing despite her mind being in a mess. Sasha only got told first because Justin was sick and she was about to burst with the secret.
“I-I’m sorry,” she added to Keegan, hoping he didn’t immediately hate her for this confession. What an absolute mess this was turning into. But it was at that exact moment, something dawned on her and cut off any further protests she might have. Blaize was sitting in between Zenith and Asher, and he was holding hands with both of them. She had never seen them do that before. Usually Zen and Ash were connected at the hip, but Blaize orbiting in his own fabulous pansexual stratosphere where literally anyone could fall on his radar if he had an easy connection with them. She blinked, gazing at their linked hands and then her eyes crept up to their faces. “It’s this some sort of tight united front against the Wicked Witch who tells you no secrets anymore? I was going to talk to all of you about it once Keegan knew. Then he got the flu and we were delayed in talking it out together. Only, really, that’s… not the full story. I’ve struggled to talk to him because I-I think I’ve gone and fallen for him and I didn’t know how to tell him that either. Apparently I suck at telling anyone anything lately. Please don’t leave. I didn’t mean to hurt any of you.”
From behind Amarlie where he had come to hover in the doorway, Keegan’s eyebrows shot up. There was a lot that could be read between the lines of what Amarlie just said, but the way she phrased it was pretty significant. He just didn’t know if he should jump in here and reply, or if he should hang back and let her sort this misunderstanding out with her friends. So, he did that anyway because he didn’t want to piss them off further or make them think he was somehow using Amarlie for just one thing. He stood there, chewing on the corner of his lip, but as he was doing that, Blaize caught his gaze. Blaize had intense blue eyes but a completely unreadable expression on his face. He held the eye contact too, and Keegan wanted to crawl in a hole and hide from the intensity of the gaze. Hell, he had no idea of the dynamics here. He felt so out of his depth and like an outsider, he didn’t know if he was entitled to speak up, or if he could without pissing anyone off. “I’m… I’m not here to hurt her,” he finally told them helplessly. “If it’s any consolation, she’s the first person I’ve slept with in over a year.” Why was that relevant? He had no idea and as soon as the words were out there, he wanted to reach out and grab them back because he was embarrassed as all fuck for it. Of course he knew who Blaize was. Like Justin, he was a celebrity, just in a different way. It was intimidating to be in the presence of charismatic people like that., even if he was from a family of Olympic athletes.
Amarlie glanced over her shoulder, giving Keegan a slight WTF look. “I can’t tell if that’s a good or bad thing…”
“Good!” Keegan squeaked and then cleared his throat, backing up against the wall. “Way too good, probably. I don’t want you guys to all have a falling out on my account. It’s not about me. Do you want me to bugger off so you can talk? I don’t mind.”
“No, I think you should probably stay for this one. No one’s falling out with anyone. Everyone just needs to chill out a little. Calm those preggo hormones, darling. We’re going to clear the air. I don’t think these two need to be getting their thongs in a twist considering we have news too,” Blaize spoke up and then shot Keegan a smirk. “Thongs as in underwear, not what y’all wear on your feet. I’m way more partial to the former, personally.”
Blaize, ever the clam peacekeeper. Amarlie stepped over to sit on the edge of the glass coffee table in in front of the sofa. This might be odd, considering none of them actually lived in this apartment, but all things considered, it wasn’t a conventional situation. “You’re all scaring me right now. I’m kind of glad I know none of you can get accidentally pregnant anymore. Just saying.” Blaize had the total transitional surgery, and Zen was about two-thirds there. Knowing that, though, she was anxious about what else they could be about to spring on her. Maybe it wasn’t that they were ditching her to go back to San Francisco. Her heart was pounding in her chest, both from knowing she just confessed something huge to Keegan without confessing to him directly, and worrying what the boys were about to tell her. It was hard to calm her preggo hormones when they had all just gone through Zeke being diagnosed with cancer again. The entire situation of their squad was emotional. It was another reason she sat back on her news, because everyone was in shock of over Zeke and her news was insignificant in comparison… not to mention rectifiable.
Eventually, Zenith smiled at Amarlie, even if it was a bit guarded and uncertain. He always valued the fact he could joke with his closest friends about his transition. Blaize definitely helped that. They had a similar sense of humour and even if the journey had been a difficult one for both of them, neither wanted to be stuck in a constant mode of negative misery. They wanted to live their lives, hence the fight. That was all part of the point, to have a life they enjoyed living. Not one they wanted to be caught in a cycle of not being able to see how fortunate they were. One thing many people didn’t realise was not all transgender people had gender dysphoria, and Blaize was one of those exceptions to the rules. He experienced a lot of suffering in his situation, but never had the hate of being one gender and wanting to live the other. He was comfortable in his nonbinary self, because he felt on the pendulum between all genders. When Zenith first met him, he actually thought Blaize might be queer but questioning trans, which is why he was at the support group for trans youth. Blaize hadn’t been questioning anything, he just woke up that day not particularly feeling male, female, or queer. But physically, within his body, he knew he was male. He identified most with wanting and needing male physicality. None of that made him any less trans than someone who was gender-dysphoric. Zen had learned a hell of a lot from Blaize since they had been friends, how many people didn’t need or want binaries in a world where many assumed being trans meant choosing one or the other.
“Blaize, Ash and me have, uh… we’ve realised something that has probably been there for awhile without us being truly conscious to it. That maybe we weren’t able to figure out until this one finally parked himself still for more than two minutes without travelling the globe with barely a few days rest in between,” Zen began to explain, glancing at Blaize. “We just haven’t been entirely sure how it would be taken. And you know, B, he’s reluctant with labels defining him, so… the reality is, we ended up having a three-way one night that’s turned into more. A hell of a lot more…”
Blaize patted Zenith’s hand and then gestured between himself and Zen and Ash sitting on either side of him. “It was never just a three-way. It was a reality check for something we’ve kind of been pushing aside for awhile now. We had to let it happen to understand it, and if I’m honest, I pulled right back when I got to the New York and saw how tight they had become in their relationship. Everything felt safe until they told me they were dating, and I felt a bit sidelined then. I was feeling like I was intruding, so I tried to date some other people. Which, we all know, didn’t really work out because I don’t actually think I’ve ever had a monogamous bone in my body, per se. That’s the extremely simple way of putting it, which isn’t really even accurate, it’s probably just the best way to frame it to people with unrealised prejudices. Long story short, I’m polyamorous and have been in love with these two since I was pre-op. Only, instead of doing anything about it, I threw myself into work all around the globe, which made them get on with things without me. But before you wonder, darling, none of this was really a thing before that we didn’t tell you about. We had… encounters. We just put it down to a bit of FWB fun.”
Keegan was trying to keep up with what was happening here. It was difficult not really knowing any of them. What he did know was all three of the guys were close to Amarlie because she spoke so fondly and affectionately of them that night before they slept together in Australia. He had even questioned her about whether she had any sort of romance with any of them, but other than sleeping with Blaize after his surgery so he could readjust to being sexually intimate with a woman, there was nothing romantic there. It was all very platonic, but no less loving and close. She had said Asher was gay and Blaize, pansexual, but he realised she hadn’t said either way what Zenith was. He just assumed gay because he was dating Asher. He couldn’t understand all the intricacies of her family because it was one night and they talked about many things. What he did know was that these guys were her best friends, and this was obviously huge. He wasn’t 100% knowledgeable on what polyamorous was. He thought it was obviously a relationship with more than two people involved, but he didn’t think it was anything like those creepy sister wives situations where one guy was married to multiple women. He felt like he was interloping on a private conversation here, so he stayed quiet and just tried to connect the dots coming to light here.
Amarlie got teary, putting her hands up to her mouth. “Oh my god, you guys are in love?” she said with a tearful laugh of disbelief. Not because it was out of the realm of possibility, but because they had clearly gotten far enough to understand what it was and were acting on it. With all the crap going on with her mistake, and Justin being in a shaky spot, Sasha’s accident, then Zeke’s terrible news, she hadn’t noticed any change in dynamics at all. She did know Blaize had attempted to date Max, and then sort-of, kind-of, Will, but that didn’t bloom into anything. She reached over, putting her hands over both of Blaize’s that were secured in one each of Zen’s and Ash’s. “When? For how long? Or have you really just been so much better at this friendship thing than me and wanted to tell me as soon as you realised? So, like, you’ve just been… sleeping together, or it’s been other things too? Why can’t I picture this in action? I feel like I should know! I can’t believe it. This is so beautiful,” she added through a little sob. Damn hormones, fucking hell.
“Picture it in action?” Zen laughed, shaking his head. Some people trying to picture it in action might envisage it as some kinky trans porno, but that was blindsidedness for you. “Mostly, it’s just three of us instead of two now. It doesn’t feel so much different. I’m just glad king-sized beds exist. It’s been pretty intense sex, sharing a room, and a couple of dates to just see if we were reading our feelings right. Like, maybe it was just that… sex. That would probably be the easy answer. Anyone can have three-ways.”
“This is what it looks like,” Blaize said and pulled Zenith into a deep kiss. It wasn’t chaste, not by a long shot, but he soon broke it off to then pull Asher in. He didn’t let go of their hands. Obviously when they were alone together, it looked a hell of a lot more naked and easily-accessible to involving three sets of lips, but they didn’t need to climb on top of each other here to prove any points. It really was as simple as that. Instead of only Zen and Asher kissing, Blaize was included now. It didn’t feel wrong. In fact, it felt the most right to Blaize than he had felt since he had his operations. He wasn’t any less pansexual being with two guys. If anything, it was a good indication of the versatility of his sexuality. It was far from just ‘another name for bi’.
Keegan hadn’t lived a sheltered life at all, but he had never actually met anyone who was polyamorous, or who were in relationships with more than one more. He had always just been straight without any level of questioning, but there was no denying it was hot to see three people making out like this. Not because it was hot to see three people making out, but because the chemistry between Amarlie’s three BFFs was as plain as day, and Keegan didn’t know any of them. Neither of those kisses were quick or platonic. He watched as Asher moved on from kissing Blaize to kissing Zenith. A three-way kiss was hot. Keegan hadn’t even met anyone who had been in a three-way, so this was all a learning curve for him. It made him smile because Amarlie and her friends were so interesting. He wished he lived here to just be able to hang out with them more. And there he was, pretty much zero relationship experience where he had been so busy trying to nail his high school grades to get into the courses he wanted, that he gave up a social life to achieve it. Only, he ended up getting a girl pregnant when he finally let his hair down and chill out, relax some, like Kade coaxed him to after he finished his Higher School Certificate exams and was waiting on the results, he got a girl pregnant and screwed everything up. “Um… I’ve kind of got a headache anyway, so I’ll just leave you guys to chat…” he said, pointing over his shoulder with his thumb.
“Hey, hold up, Sperminator,” Asher jumped in from where he had almost easily fell under the spell of snogging both Zenith and Blaize. It was exhilarating the things he had been feeling since they all decided they should pause and think seriously about what was happening between the three of them. It was still new - very early days - but easy to have gotten caught up in and hungry for more. Not only was the sex incredible but he knew without a doubt that he felt the same level of love for Blaize that he did Zen, and that was a heady thing to be exploring. He had been smiling a lot when they had been alone together, but back to their little tribe, life had been so hard lately. With Sash’s accident and Zeke’s cancer returning, they were all a bit punch-drunk on reality checks. He pointed to the nearby armchair. “Make the lady a cuppa and park your butt. We’ve got questions.”
“Ash! He’s riddled with the flu! I’ll make the tea,” Amarlie said in exasperation, getting up. She took Keegan’s hand and led him over to sit down. She lost her train of thought there, considering everything, and was trying to hastily wipe away her tears. She was overwhelmed with feelings getting the news from the boys, but even if it was a surprise, it wasn’t a shock. She knew them too well for it to be a shock. But she wanted to know more. She wanted to know everything... none of which took away the fact she was pregnant.
Blaize shook his head and planted soft kisses on both Zen and Ash’s lips before he stood. “Both of you stay put, I’ll put the kettle on.” He patted Keegan’s shoulder. “Is there anything I can get you, buddy? You got flu pills or something? You need to take care of yourself. Bloody planes, it’s so damn easy to get sick on long-haul flights. Clear the air with Mars,” he prompted, giving Zen and Ash a pointed look.
Keegan looked up at Blaize and smiled. “Thanks, mate. The tea would be plenty, but cheers for asking.”
Amarlie smiled and watched Blaize step over the coffee table to head for the kitchen. He was dressed in his typically fabulous fashion sense. Leather pants, silver studded boots, a floral button up with silver roses embroidered over it, lots of jewellery to accessorize. He had pulled the front curls of his hair back and they were clipped with crystal stars. Like his flux sexuality, he had always been gender-fluid. It just felt so right to her that he had started this relationship with Asher and Zenith. Hell, it made so much sense, she felt a little silly for not having noticed it was playing out under her nose. She could feel a proud fuzzy warmth inside her thinking about it. With all the stress and strain lately, it was like a little breath of fresh air. She turned her smile to Asher and Zenith, shaking her head when she caught both of them perving on Blaize’s ass as he left the room. “I can’t even be mad, this makes me so happy,” she said, more tears welling up. “I’m sorry I hurt you guys not telling you. I’ve just been so conscious that this is equally Keegan’s decision. I’ve been so scared and trying to figure it all out in my head. So, yes, I talked to Justin and Sasha about it. Mostly Jus. It wasn’t that I didn’t want you to know, I just wanted Keegan to know first because any decisions and implications as just as much his and mine. I feel like such and idiot that I could even let this happen again. But the abortion scares me. I-I’m sorry. I had a bad time with it last time and I don’t know if I can go through it again…” she tried to explain, looking over at Keegan.
Keegan jumped up and collected the box of tissues Alec had given him when he had been lying on the sofa the afternoon before. He had been coughing so much, he was nauseous, so Alec coaxed him to lie down with a hot water bottle and tucked a blanket in around him, water, tissues and a bowl in easy reach in case he got worse. He learned well from his mum, that’s for sure. Luckily, he had mostly just been an achy, tired, miserable grump that was sleeping a lot. He brought the tissues back for Amarlie, giving her an apologetic smile. “Sorry, I never meant to be a thorn in anyone’s side. I knew I had to come to try to work through it with Amarlie, but I know she has a lot of stressful stuff going on. Justin and Sasha, your friend with cancer. And I have no idea how to deal with any of this either. But I didn’t realise you had a bad experience last time. You know, you could talk to Alec about some of it. Him being a counsellor and all that. It might help? He’s really great to talk to and might help you get your head around it more. Or maybe we could talk to him together?” He gave Zenith and Asher a hesitant smile. “It’s nice to meet you guys, by the way. Amarlie’s told me so much about you.”
Zenith listened, taking in the dynamic with Amarlie and Keegan. Keegan was clearly a kind and thoughtful gentleman. Amarlie had a history of a small handful of guys being cunts to her, taking advantage of her because she was a beautiful blonde girl they only wanted one thing from. But he, Asher and Blaize didn’t even know she had any sort of encounter with Keegan. It must have happened when they were in Australia for the wedding, but he had no idea when. “Just fill us in a bit what went down. We just thought maybe we had become surplus to requirement. Especially when… well, it was either Ash or me who guessed. It was Blaize. He heard you throwing up the first time, then noticed it wasn’t one isolated incident. He actually thought it was Sash in the bathroom. It was a day he had a migraine, but it was that bad one where he couldn’t lift his head off the pillow, so he’d been in bed. You were the only one that was home. Only, we had no idea how it happened because you hadn’t told us you’d been with anyone. We thought it was maybe someone in the tribe, or at least connected to it. Then we thought maybe some guy you met in college. We couldn’t figure it out.”
“Yeah, then it hurt because it totally seemed like you didn’t want us involved,” Asher jumped in, trying to help explain what happened. He looked at Keegan, giving him the once-over. He was pretty damn cute. Same red hair as Kade and same good looks. “Did you fly all the way over here to help Mars, dude? Or was it just a coincidence?”
“No, I came here so we could work this out in person. It’s just so far beyond anything I’ve ever dealt with, so it’s stressed me out so hardcore and Alec thinks that why I got sick. I was rundown with stress and trying to figure out how I should help. Because no matter what anyone says, this is my responsibility as much as Amarlie’s. It was very much a mutual… encounter. We both agree on that. We don’t have any regrets what we did. I actually… uh… I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her. Even before she called me up and told me she was pregnant. I felt terrible then because I knew I was just as much to blame. We had to figure it out, but I feel even worse now knowing she had a bad time of it and had to go through it before.” Keegan gazed at Amarlie in concern. He wanted to hold her hand like guys had been doing just a few moments ago. He wanted to wrap his arms around her in a cuddle and promise it would be okay. “Was it… that the guy before was awful, or do you mean the actual procedure was bad?”
Zenith leaned over and took Amarlie’s hand, giving it a squeeze. “I think it’s okay to tell him, sweetie. He came all this way to help. I know it’s hard to talk about, but fucking hell, you’re not a bad person that this has happened again. You certainly don’t need to be saddled with a baby you aren’t ready for just because you feel like you should be punished for this happening a second time. You’re not the only girl to ever have two mistakes. And you don’t need to feel guilty that you didn’t tell us. Now we know why, we get it. I think you did the right thing, waiting to tell Keegan. Again, it was Blaize that connected those dots when we knew you had been coming down to visit him.”
Amarlie nodded and gave Zen and Ash a grateful, relieved smile. She wiped her eyes with the tissue she had been shredding in her hands before Zenith intercepted. She wet her lips, drawing ain a deep breath to brace herself for this. “The last pregnancy was… it was pretty much rape. Only, one of those in the grey area that some guys will protest that it wasn’t. Because… I-I thought I wanted it at first. He came on pretty heavy and I kind of felt like I had to do it, otherwise he’d call be a cock-tease or something, you know? But once we were doing it, it didn’t feel right. I panicked and tried to tell him to get off because I wanted it to stop. I said no… fuck knows how many times. But he got pissed off and told me he couldn’t stop that far in. He actually said I owed him an orgasm. So, I kind of just lay there and took it. I was on the pill, but only just. I went to the clinic and got it when I met him a few days before. I hadn’t been on it long enough to work, but I didn’t know that at the time. I screwed up - again - I didn’t read the information leaflet the nurse gave me about it. And honestly, after all this shit, I’m going to get the implant or something. I hate myself for this. But…” She looked at Keegan, some more tears spilling over when she saw his kind, sweet face. “That night, with us, it was the total opposite. You were the total opposite to him. You made me feel beautiful, and sexy. I liked how it felt when you were holding me. I liked that you talked to me while we did it. Afterwards, the morning after, I was so upset I missed you and couldn’t say goodbye. I hated that we lived in different countries, because all I wanted was to be able to do it again. To top all that horrible shit off last time, I got a bad infection after the abortion. It was so bad, they said there was a risk of scarring inside and it might affect my fertility in the future. Obviously not...”
Amarlie was still sitting on the coffee table and Keegan didn’t think twice about getting up to sit beside her. He put his arm around her and started to gently rub her shoulder. “Thank you for telling me. I know that must’ve been harder than hell to talk about. You didn’t have to, but thank you for trusting me enough to listen. Zenith’s right, love. You don’t have to feel horrible or guilty. It’s happened and whatever choice you make, I’m with you. I know you probably think I should have some sort of say but it’s not my body. I would never do something awful like demand you keep the baby because it’s mine too. That’s not me. I’m not putting you through trauma like that. If you want to keep it, we’ll tell our families and somehow figure out a way to make this work. I’ll talk to Kade. If he moves here, maybe I can come too and transfer to a school here. Money’s really not an issue, my family are more than well-off. I’m not on scholarships tying me to the uni I’m signed up with. I don’t really know. But I just want you to know that if you want, and need, to terminate the pregnancy, I’ll be there for you. We’ll do it together, the whole way. Okay?”
“So, hang on, dude…” Asher cut in after he had been sitting listening, taking it all in. Blaize was coming back carefully nursing a tray and Asher was briefly distracted by his package in those leather pants right at eye-level. Now they had finally realised what was going on between the three of them, he could openly mack on Blaize as much as he liked. It was like he now had double the love, double the affection, double the sex. What was not to love about that? “Does that mean you could come here anyway? Like, say Mars gets rid of the pregnancy and things go back to normal. Would there be a chance for you guys? It totally sounds like you’ve got the mojo. You’re both obviously hot for each other. Like, whoa. Could you just throw caution to the wind and go for it? What are you studying, can you do it here instead?”
“Ash!” Amarlie said through a gasp. Asher never had much of a filter, but he just put this out there and she didn’t know how to backpedal on it so Keegan wasn’t put on the spot. She wanted to grab Zen and Blaize and smoosh their faces into Ash’s so it would shush him. She was blushing, shaking her hand and covering her eyes with her hand. “Shit, I’m so sorry, Keegan. Don’t listen to him.”
But Keegan was looking at Asher intently, a little frown of thought furrowing his brow. “I… think maybe I could, yeah. I mean, I don’t think it’s entirely out of the realm of possibility, if I’m honest. And really, the only thing holding Kade back from taking the leap to come live here with Alec is Justin. The whole Bondi thing, he’s got… issues around it. At least, I think that’s all that’s holding him back. He’s one of these ostrich people. Bury their heads in the sand rather than facing up to stuff. It’s easier to help someone else to step up than doing it yourself. Which is why I’m here. He’s 100% got my back and all. I’m enrolled in Paramedicine Science and Nursing with a major in Mental Health. There might be schools somewhere over here that do it. I actually looked at some programs overseas but ended up just staying in Oz. I’m not, um…” He paused, feeling himself start to blush. “I don’t want to just assume anything, like… she might not even want that,” he added with a nervous laugh. He definitely was no natural at this stuff. Amarlie was gorgeous. Like, supermodel gorgeous, and he was so sure that him, being an average boring guy, wouldn’t be on her wish list. He was pretty sure the night they had together was just a matter of getting caught up in the romance and relaxing in the sea air.
With a fleeting glance at her boys, all three of them sitting together and Blaize softly caressing both Ash and Zen’s leg once he sat back down between them, her gaze shifted back to Keegan. Before she could let her brain overthink anything, she cupped the back of his head with her hand and pulled him into a kiss. His lips had the pepperminty tang of recently brushed teeth and she could smell the faint scent of his deodorant. She remembered that so clearly. That, mixed with some expensive cologne, was how he smelled the night they first kiss, which led to the unfortunate error of another unwanted pregnancy. It felt right kissing Keegan, and she wondered if this was the feeling Zen, Ash and Blaize experienced when they realised their love was a trifecta rather than a duo. Because if this is how they felt, she wanted them to have it forever.
Blaize shared a smirk with Zen and Ash coupled with a knowing laugh. He just had this gut-feeling once the penny dropped that Amarlie was very likely knocked up somehow. Kade and his little brother had flown in right around the same time he voiced his suspicions to Zen and Ash. They both had been understandably hurt thinking she was purposefully keeping it from them all, but he knew there had to be more to the story. He thought it was pretty damn epic that Keegan wasn’t really hesitating in possibility of coming here, and for the opportunity to explore things with Amarlie. That was huge. Pregnancy shit aside, something special had obviously gone down with them. It had to have been at the wedding too. “Want us to leave so you two can get a room?” he asked, sipping his coffee.
This kiss broke and Keegan felt heady in the wake of it. He couldn’t quite believe it happened and there seemed to be a lot said without words but he couldn’t connect all the dots. “You guys don’t have to leave. I’d like to get to know you all a bit better. Amarlie talked so much about you at the wedding, I feel like I already know you. Maybe we could just all hang out for a bit. You can ask me any questions you like. I don’t mind.”
Amarlie groaned, slapping her hand over her face. “Oh, now you’ve done it. Given them free-range on the interrogation. I hope you’re ready,” she laughed. Relief flooded through her that something was moving forward here. So much tension had released now the boys knew what was going on. She didn’t know what was going to come next, but she knew she wasn’t alone. Far from alone. She had this total sweetheart of a guy here wanting to go through all this with her, and she had her three boys, now all together as a unit and looking like they were made for it. She also had Justin and Sasha, which went without saying. All she had to do now was talk to Gen, and that might prove to be the hardest conversation of all.
RP LOG, COMPLETE
What: Secrets Revealed
Where: Alec's apartment, NYC
When: After this and this
The last thing Amarlie wanted to do was burn this soup. She had been obsessively checking it, adjusting the temperature, stirring it. It gave her something to do over than the crippling overthinking she had been stuck in. It had only been after Justin called her out on avoiding a deep conversation with Keegan that she knew it was true. But for no other reason than she didn’t know how to have this conversation with him. Last time she had to face a horrible mistake like this, it ended terribly. Deep down, she knew Keegan was nothing like the horrible asshole who treated her badly last time she accidentally fell pregnant, but she was scared nonetheless.
Keegan had arrived in New York and Justin accompanied Amarlie to see him. He was staying with Alec, where his big brother, Kade was already a frequent guest. Kade and Alec were dating long-distance and it seemed to work, though Amarlie knew Alec would be over the moon if Kade stayed in New York. Kade just hadn’t been able to take the leap of faith and commit yet. Back when they were teenagers, they had been friends-with-benefits for years. Then they dated before their respective chosen careers - Alec, joining the military to study being a psychiatrist, and Kade, an Olympic-bound swimmer - split them worlds apart. They knew they had to set their relationship aside for their ambitions. Now they found each other again, but Amarlie knew that the relationship thing had to be hard, especially long-distance.
That was another thing stressing her out. She knew she had feelings for Keegan. At least, inklings of feelings she could turn into more if they didn’t live in separate countries. Alec and Kade seemed to make it work, but she didn’t know if she was cut out for it. Plus, Keegan was about to start an incredible study journey. Paramedical Science and Nursing, majoring in Mental Health. Amarlie had just started college in Fashion Design. They had one amazing night together the night of Mark and Gen’s wedding in Australia where they talked for hours and hours before finally giving into the chemistry, sleeping together at the resort. Amarlie screwed up taking her birth control pills, getting confused about timezones and missing a couple of days. Now she was pregnant and Keegan had flown to New York with Kade to try to sort out what to do. She admired him for that alone. He didn’t have to do anything, but he wanted. It was more than a lot of guys in this world would do.
But jumping from the hot Australia summer into a frankly freezing New York winter, Keegan caught a cold which rapidly turned into the flu. He had tried to push through it and go out to have lunch with Amarlie when Justin offered his driver to take them anywhere they wanted in the city. But he felt worse and worse before Amarlie finally bundled him up back to the apartment out of the cold. Even still then, Keegan was a trooper and tried to brush it off so they could talk. He gave Amarlie many openings, but she deflected them all. Soon, Keegan couldn’t deny how shit he was feeling so she told him to go to bed, stay warm and get some sleep to recover from the jetlag. It was a convenient excuse for her to avoid the inevitable conversation again.
A couple of days passed. Amarlie’s morning sickness got worse. Keegan did a whole lot of sleeping, Alec letting everyone know how he was doing when he dropped up to visit. He scored an apartment in the same block as Mark not long after making the decision to come to New York to be closer to his brothers and spend more time with his nieces and nephews. That’s where Amarlie was now, in Alec’s kitchen, heating up soup because she was a crap cook herself. She wanted to do something nice for Keegan seeing as it was her fault he had flown all this way and come down with the flu. She had cheated and asked Alec’s mom, Justin’s grandma, to help her out. Of course, Nana Campbell was incredible and did all the work for her. When Amarlie arrived with the pot of soup, Kade told her Keegan was sleeping but he and Alec soon left her alone so they could go out to lunch together. Amarlie discovered this was the first food item she smelled cooking in the morning hours that hadn’t made her throw up, so that was a success in itself. Whether Keegan wanted her here preparing chicken soup for him was another story.
“What’s all this?”
Amarlie jumped and nearly dropped the spoon into the pot of soup she was yet again stirring. Keegan was standing in the doorway in his pyjamas, smiling. He still sounded all congested and he was only hanging onto his voice by the skin of his teeth. It was scratchy and hoarse, but she had heard him coughing in his sleep on and off since she arrived and put the soup on the stove to reheat. She hadn’t known if he had an appetite or would want any, but it was a little something she could do to help. She hated that her hormones had her admiring how well his tight long-sleeved t-shirt hugged his body and how nicely his cotton pyjama pants sat low on his hips. He had slippers and socks on and smelled vaguely of cologne mixed with Vick’s Vaporub. Not surprising, considering Alec’s mom had been looking in on him frequently, apparently promising his mother back in Australia she would keep an eye on him while he was here. “Um, chicken soup. Which, I have to confess, I didn’t make because cooking is seriously not my strong point. I cheated and let Nana Campbell make it for me, but I think I’m totally nailing heating it up. I wasn’t sure you’d be up to eating. I just wanted to help.”
Keegan smiled and stepped up to peer into the pot. “You are helping. You didn’t have to do this. That’s so sweet. Sure you’re okay with food smells in the morning?” he asked and gave her a kiss on the cheeks. He had to fight the urge to wrap his arms around her and give her a cuddle. He hated himself for not dealing with this in a more collected way, but she was so gorgeous and kind, his feelings were running rampant. Even the pregnancy inside, he knew if he lived anywhere near Amarlie, he would be asking her on a date. He had never really clicked with a girl the same way he had Amarlie that night at the resort. He couldn’t explain it. Even through the flu, he was hot for her. But he also wanted to sit with her and talk everything out, hopefully to alleviate some of the stress of the situation.
“I think Nana Campbell’s magical nana healing powers are at play. It’s not making me sick at all. Justin’s Vegemite on toast yesterday morning, though? And I’m surrounded. Not only does he have it every morning, but so does his grandpa, his dad, and Sash now,” Amarlie laughed, pulling a face. He patted his shoulder softly. “I bet you cut your teeth on it too, huh? Give me fair warning if you’re going to break out the jar. I can’t even handle the smell of peppermint tea, which Sash has when he’s got a migraine. But don’t feel like you have to sympathy eat this or anything. I just… just… still trying to pluck up the courage to talk to you about the inevitable.”
“Oh, they always have. I remember when I was younger and Kade was pretty much always around at the Campbell place when they were all in school, Kade would take me around sometimes and she was the best cook. Mr and Mrs Campbell are really close friends with my folks. They always had the mutual sons and no daughters thing. Kade and Alec, they were right in the middle age-wise between the twins and James. I was way younger, but they still didn’t mind me hanging around with them. I wish I could promise you I don’t do Vegemite, but I was raised on that stuff! I’m highly impressed Justin’s tapped into his Aussie genes with it. Not to mention Sasha! That takes balls,” Keegan laughed, but it made him start to cough so he went to the sink and filled a glass with some water. “I want you to know that I’m not rushing you. I mean, I guess we’re on some sort of timeframe, but the first part of my course can be done online and I’ve already gotten the green light for it from the course convenor. I think we need to pluck up the courage to talk, because I’m scared too, but we don’t have to force it. From what you told me when Justin was here the other day, I’m not surprised you’re finding this difficult to talk about.”
Amarlie lowered her gaze, eyes shifting back to the spoon in the soup. “Okay, it’s not that it’s difficult. I mean, it is. Of course it is. I absolutely hate myself for getting into another mess like that. But honestly? I don’t hate that it happened or how. Because if I did, it would say I regretted what we did, and I don’t. That’s what’s so confusing. It’s actually the opposite of hate. And… I’ve talked to Jus about it pretty intently. Like, he’s pretty much one of the best non-judgmental listeners in the whole universe. Ever since he stopped thinking I was a crazed stalker fan, I’ve been able to talk to him so easily. He just… listens and sees the world differently. Sometimes, that’s the best thing you need when you’re going through crazy shit. And he sort of grounds you, so even though I panicked at first, I’ve gotten used to the fact it happened. So, it’s not difficult. It’s just that I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to want to do. The fact I’ve had an abortion before makes me feel like I don’t want to go through another one because I had a tough time. But, like, we both have crazy awesome career opportunities and the last thing either of us need is a baby when we live on opposite sides of the world.”
Keegan was trying to work through his flu-addled brain to figure out what to say that she didn’t think he was completely hopeless to help her, but the apartment doorbell went. He had no idea if Alec or Kade were expecting anyone, but Keegan knew they were going out for lunch today so no one else was home to answer it. The last thing he expected to see when he opened the door was Amarlie’s three BFFs - Zenith, Asher and Blaize - standing there. Keegan’s stomach shot up into his throat because 1) he hadn’t directly met any of them, even if they had all been at the wedding, and 2) the last he knew, Amarlie hadn’t told them she was pregnant yet because she was anxious about how they might receive the news. He knew she had talked to Justin and Sasha about it, but no one else was in the know the last conversation they attempted to have.
“So… when were you going to tell us you were knocked up?” Blaize asked and Keegan only realised Amarlie must have followed him to the door with that question. His stomach shot up into his throat with anxiety and whipped his head around to see her standing there. Probably not necessarily a bad thing, because he had no idea how to answer that without spilling all Amarlie’s secrets. Besides the fact, he was conscious to the fact he couldn’t be the one knocked up, but the flu had slowed his brain functioning down significantly. Plus, all three of these guys here right now looked like supermodels that just stepped out of the pages of a magazine, and there he was in his PJs, slippers and bed-hair. Then the penny dropped that if they had somehow found out about Amarlie’s pregnancy, and they were there at Alec’s door right now, they probably knew Keegan was the one to blame, and that ignited a panic in him. He didn’t know any of these guys and barely knew Amarlie. He didn’t actually want to get a punch in the dick for getting their girl pregnant.
Amarlie didn’t even know why she followed Keegan. Probably because she wasn’t ready to have their conversation cut off just when she began to figure out how to talk to him about it. But did she expect the Three Musketeers to be at the door? Absolutely not. As soon as Blaize put that out there with all that sassy flare of his, her hands flew up to her mouth and she just gaped between the three of them, eyes wide. And then, “I’m going to kill them!” The only other people who knew were Justin and Sasha… or… “Unless it was you!” she added, throwing an accusatory point at Keegan. Defensive was the only immediate reaction she had being sprung here, especially under the three pointed gazes coming from the boys. She could feel that her face had turned a flaming red by the heat in it. Internally, she was panicking like hell, trying to scramble for a reaction here.
“It wasn’t me!” Keegan squeaked, taking a step back with his hands up in surrender. “I don’t even know them! Do I? I don’t even know you!” He looked imploringly at the other three guys and then buried his face in his hands with a mumbled, ‘Oh my god’.
“Told you J would know,” Asher piped up, giving Zenith a softly nudge with his shoulder. “We’ve been well and truly demoted.”
“Demoted?” Amarlie asked, frowning. “Hang on, if not Justin, then Sasha…” But the words trailed off, because even as she said it out loud, it sounded ludicrous. Sasha wasn’t the sort to spill anyone’s secrets. Neither was Justin, unless it was open knowledge. Now she was just confused as hell, but on the receiving end of what looked to be three hurt gazes and one wide-eyed deer-in-headlights stare.
Zenith definitely had a frown too, but it was confused more than anything. He glanced at Asher with his comment and rubbed the back of his neck. “It wasn’t J or Sash, but now we pretty much have confirmation. You used to tell us everything, now we’re not sure you need us anymore. Seriously, guys, what are we doing here?”
“We’ve got something to tell her, remember?” Blaize said pointedly and easily breezed past Amarlie and Keegan to go inside without being invited in. “You think you could spend the last however many mornings praying to the porcelain god and us not notice? Come on, darling, you know us better than that,” he added, sauntering into the living room and dropping onto the sofa, making himself at home.
“It’s not like that!” Amarlie protested, but as soon as the words were out of her mouth, she knew that must be exactly how it seemed. She followed Blaize because he seemed almost indifferent, but he also threw that hook out there that they had something to tell her. “Oh my god, you’re moving back to SF, aren’t you? You don’t understand. It’s not that I don’t need you, it’s just… just...” She had hurt them that much that they were going to ditch her here in New York and go back home.
“Don’t you know how to wrap, for fuck’s sake?” Zenith asked as he sauntered by Keegan and gave him a pretty significant bitch-glare. Asher followed, and they each took a seat beside Blaize on the sofa, even if the conversation was already derailing. Zenith really thought he could set aside how offended he was that Amarlie was keeping something so serious from them, but it was rushing to the forefront. He hadn’t gotten a lot of sleep last night, but that was a whole other story…
Amarlie shot Zenith an exasperated glare and then turned back to Keegan, patting his arm. “Ignore his bitchiness, this isn’t your fault. It’s on both of us.” She came to stand beside the sofa, frowning at them. “I was going to tell you, I just thought I had to try to sort things out with Keegan first before it became public knowledge. It’s not just about us anymore, it’s the whole squad and our extended family now. I told Justin and Sash because I was trying to figure out what I should do. What I really wanted to do was go straight and get it sorted without telling anyone so I didn’t have to think about it, but after what happened last time, I was terrified.” She winced and glanced at Keegan. She hadn’t go to telling him that bit yet. That she nearly just got the termination without telling anyone, but her guilt and fear won out. That was why she wanted it to be Justin. She knew he would have advice on how to try to do the right thing despite her mind being in a mess. Sasha only got told first because Justin was sick and she was about to burst with the secret.
“I-I’m sorry,” she added to Keegan, hoping he didn’t immediately hate her for this confession. What an absolute mess this was turning into. But it was at that exact moment, something dawned on her and cut off any further protests she might have. Blaize was sitting in between Zenith and Asher, and he was holding hands with both of them. She had never seen them do that before. Usually Zen and Ash were connected at the hip, but Blaize orbiting in his own fabulous pansexual stratosphere where literally anyone could fall on his radar if he had an easy connection with them. She blinked, gazing at their linked hands and then her eyes crept up to their faces. “It’s this some sort of tight united front against the Wicked Witch who tells you no secrets anymore? I was going to talk to all of you about it once Keegan knew. Then he got the flu and we were delayed in talking it out together. Only, really, that’s… not the full story. I’ve struggled to talk to him because I-I think I’ve gone and fallen for him and I didn’t know how to tell him that either. Apparently I suck at telling anyone anything lately. Please don’t leave. I didn’t mean to hurt any of you.”
From behind Amarlie where he had come to hover in the doorway, Keegan’s eyebrows shot up. There was a lot that could be read between the lines of what Amarlie just said, but the way she phrased it was pretty significant. He just didn’t know if he should jump in here and reply, or if he should hang back and let her sort this misunderstanding out with her friends. So, he did that anyway because he didn’t want to piss them off further or make them think he was somehow using Amarlie for just one thing. He stood there, chewing on the corner of his lip, but as he was doing that, Blaize caught his gaze. Blaize had intense blue eyes but a completely unreadable expression on his face. He held the eye contact too, and Keegan wanted to crawl in a hole and hide from the intensity of the gaze. Hell, he had no idea of the dynamics here. He felt so out of his depth and like an outsider, he didn’t know if he was entitled to speak up, or if he could without pissing anyone off. “I’m… I’m not here to hurt her,” he finally told them helplessly. “If it’s any consolation, she’s the first person I’ve slept with in over a year.” Why was that relevant? He had no idea and as soon as the words were out there, he wanted to reach out and grab them back because he was embarrassed as all fuck for it. Of course he knew who Blaize was. Like Justin, he was a celebrity, just in a different way. It was intimidating to be in the presence of charismatic people like that., even if he was from a family of Olympic athletes.
Amarlie glanced over her shoulder, giving Keegan a slight WTF look. “I can’t tell if that’s a good or bad thing…”
“Good!” Keegan squeaked and then cleared his throat, backing up against the wall. “Way too good, probably. I don’t want you guys to all have a falling out on my account. It’s not about me. Do you want me to bugger off so you can talk? I don’t mind.”
“No, I think you should probably stay for this one. No one’s falling out with anyone. Everyone just needs to chill out a little. Calm those preggo hormones, darling. We’re going to clear the air. I don’t think these two need to be getting their thongs in a twist considering we have news too,” Blaize spoke up and then shot Keegan a smirk. “Thongs as in underwear, not what y’all wear on your feet. I’m way more partial to the former, personally.”
Blaize, ever the clam peacekeeper. Amarlie stepped over to sit on the edge of the glass coffee table in in front of the sofa. This might be odd, considering none of them actually lived in this apartment, but all things considered, it wasn’t a conventional situation. “You’re all scaring me right now. I’m kind of glad I know none of you can get accidentally pregnant anymore. Just saying.” Blaize had the total transitional surgery, and Zen was about two-thirds there. Knowing that, though, she was anxious about what else they could be about to spring on her. Maybe it wasn’t that they were ditching her to go back to San Francisco. Her heart was pounding in her chest, both from knowing she just confessed something huge to Keegan without confessing to him directly, and worrying what the boys were about to tell her. It was hard to calm her preggo hormones when they had all just gone through Zeke being diagnosed with cancer again. The entire situation of their squad was emotional. It was another reason she sat back on her news, because everyone was in shock of over Zeke and her news was insignificant in comparison… not to mention rectifiable.
Eventually, Zenith smiled at Amarlie, even if it was a bit guarded and uncertain. He always valued the fact he could joke with his closest friends about his transition. Blaize definitely helped that. They had a similar sense of humour and even if the journey had been a difficult one for both of them, neither wanted to be stuck in a constant mode of negative misery. They wanted to live their lives, hence the fight. That was all part of the point, to have a life they enjoyed living. Not one they wanted to be caught in a cycle of not being able to see how fortunate they were. One thing many people didn’t realise was not all transgender people had gender dysphoria, and Blaize was one of those exceptions to the rules. He experienced a lot of suffering in his situation, but never had the hate of being one gender and wanting to live the other. He was comfortable in his nonbinary self, because he felt on the pendulum between all genders. When Zenith first met him, he actually thought Blaize might be queer but questioning trans, which is why he was at the support group for trans youth. Blaize hadn’t been questioning anything, he just woke up that day not particularly feeling male, female, or queer. But physically, within his body, he knew he was male. He identified most with wanting and needing male physicality. None of that made him any less trans than someone who was gender-dysphoric. Zen had learned a hell of a lot from Blaize since they had been friends, how many people didn’t need or want binaries in a world where many assumed being trans meant choosing one or the other.
“Blaize, Ash and me have, uh… we’ve realised something that has probably been there for awhile without us being truly conscious to it. That maybe we weren’t able to figure out until this one finally parked himself still for more than two minutes without travelling the globe with barely a few days rest in between,” Zen began to explain, glancing at Blaize. “We just haven’t been entirely sure how it would be taken. And you know, B, he’s reluctant with labels defining him, so… the reality is, we ended up having a three-way one night that’s turned into more. A hell of a lot more…”
Blaize patted Zenith’s hand and then gestured between himself and Zen and Ash sitting on either side of him. “It was never just a three-way. It was a reality check for something we’ve kind of been pushing aside for awhile now. We had to let it happen to understand it, and if I’m honest, I pulled right back when I got to the New York and saw how tight they had become in their relationship. Everything felt safe until they told me they were dating, and I felt a bit sidelined then. I was feeling like I was intruding, so I tried to date some other people. Which, we all know, didn’t really work out because I don’t actually think I’ve ever had a monogamous bone in my body, per se. That’s the extremely simple way of putting it, which isn’t really even accurate, it’s probably just the best way to frame it to people with unrealised prejudices. Long story short, I’m polyamorous and have been in love with these two since I was pre-op. Only, instead of doing anything about it, I threw myself into work all around the globe, which made them get on with things without me. But before you wonder, darling, none of this was really a thing before that we didn’t tell you about. We had… encounters. We just put it down to a bit of FWB fun.”
Keegan was trying to keep up with what was happening here. It was difficult not really knowing any of them. What he did know was all three of the guys were close to Amarlie because she spoke so fondly and affectionately of them that night before they slept together in Australia. He had even questioned her about whether she had any sort of romance with any of them, but other than sleeping with Blaize after his surgery so he could readjust to being sexually intimate with a woman, there was nothing romantic there. It was all very platonic, but no less loving and close. She had said Asher was gay and Blaize, pansexual, but he realised she hadn’t said either way what Zenith was. He just assumed gay because he was dating Asher. He couldn’t understand all the intricacies of her family because it was one night and they talked about many things. What he did know was that these guys were her best friends, and this was obviously huge. He wasn’t 100% knowledgeable on what polyamorous was. He thought it was obviously a relationship with more than two people involved, but he didn’t think it was anything like those creepy sister wives situations where one guy was married to multiple women. He felt like he was interloping on a private conversation here, so he stayed quiet and just tried to connect the dots coming to light here.
Amarlie got teary, putting her hands up to her mouth. “Oh my god, you guys are in love?” she said with a tearful laugh of disbelief. Not because it was out of the realm of possibility, but because they had clearly gotten far enough to understand what it was and were acting on it. With all the crap going on with her mistake, and Justin being in a shaky spot, Sasha’s accident, then Zeke’s terrible news, she hadn’t noticed any change in dynamics at all. She did know Blaize had attempted to date Max, and then sort-of, kind-of, Will, but that didn’t bloom into anything. She reached over, putting her hands over both of Blaize’s that were secured in one each of Zen’s and Ash’s. “When? For how long? Or have you really just been so much better at this friendship thing than me and wanted to tell me as soon as you realised? So, like, you’ve just been… sleeping together, or it’s been other things too? Why can’t I picture this in action? I feel like I should know! I can’t believe it. This is so beautiful,” she added through a little sob. Damn hormones, fucking hell.
“Picture it in action?” Zen laughed, shaking his head. Some people trying to picture it in action might envisage it as some kinky trans porno, but that was blindsidedness for you. “Mostly, it’s just three of us instead of two now. It doesn’t feel so much different. I’m just glad king-sized beds exist. It’s been pretty intense sex, sharing a room, and a couple of dates to just see if we were reading our feelings right. Like, maybe it was just that… sex. That would probably be the easy answer. Anyone can have three-ways.”
“This is what it looks like,” Blaize said and pulled Zenith into a deep kiss. It wasn’t chaste, not by a long shot, but he soon broke it off to then pull Asher in. He didn’t let go of their hands. Obviously when they were alone together, it looked a hell of a lot more naked and easily-accessible to involving three sets of lips, but they didn’t need to climb on top of each other here to prove any points. It really was as simple as that. Instead of only Zen and Asher kissing, Blaize was included now. It didn’t feel wrong. In fact, it felt the most right to Blaize than he had felt since he had his operations. He wasn’t any less pansexual being with two guys. If anything, it was a good indication of the versatility of his sexuality. It was far from just ‘another name for bi’.
Keegan hadn’t lived a sheltered life at all, but he had never actually met anyone who was polyamorous, or who were in relationships with more than one more. He had always just been straight without any level of questioning, but there was no denying it was hot to see three people making out like this. Not because it was hot to see three people making out, but because the chemistry between Amarlie’s three BFFs was as plain as day, and Keegan didn’t know any of them. Neither of those kisses were quick or platonic. He watched as Asher moved on from kissing Blaize to kissing Zenith. A three-way kiss was hot. Keegan hadn’t even met anyone who had been in a three-way, so this was all a learning curve for him. It made him smile because Amarlie and her friends were so interesting. He wished he lived here to just be able to hang out with them more. And there he was, pretty much zero relationship experience where he had been so busy trying to nail his high school grades to get into the courses he wanted, that he gave up a social life to achieve it. Only, he ended up getting a girl pregnant when he finally let his hair down and chill out, relax some, like Kade coaxed him to after he finished his Higher School Certificate exams and was waiting on the results, he got a girl pregnant and screwed everything up. “Um… I’ve kind of got a headache anyway, so I’ll just leave you guys to chat…” he said, pointing over his shoulder with his thumb.
“Hey, hold up, Sperminator,” Asher jumped in from where he had almost easily fell under the spell of snogging both Zenith and Blaize. It was exhilarating the things he had been feeling since they all decided they should pause and think seriously about what was happening between the three of them. It was still new - very early days - but easy to have gotten caught up in and hungry for more. Not only was the sex incredible but he knew without a doubt that he felt the same level of love for Blaize that he did Zen, and that was a heady thing to be exploring. He had been smiling a lot when they had been alone together, but back to their little tribe, life had been so hard lately. With Sash’s accident and Zeke’s cancer returning, they were all a bit punch-drunk on reality checks. He pointed to the nearby armchair. “Make the lady a cuppa and park your butt. We’ve got questions.”
“Ash! He’s riddled with the flu! I’ll make the tea,” Amarlie said in exasperation, getting up. She took Keegan’s hand and led him over to sit down. She lost her train of thought there, considering everything, and was trying to hastily wipe away her tears. She was overwhelmed with feelings getting the news from the boys, but even if it was a surprise, it wasn’t a shock. She knew them too well for it to be a shock. But she wanted to know more. She wanted to know everything... none of which took away the fact she was pregnant.
Blaize shook his head and planted soft kisses on both Zen and Ash’s lips before he stood. “Both of you stay put, I’ll put the kettle on.” He patted Keegan’s shoulder. “Is there anything I can get you, buddy? You got flu pills or something? You need to take care of yourself. Bloody planes, it’s so damn easy to get sick on long-haul flights. Clear the air with Mars,” he prompted, giving Zen and Ash a pointed look.
Keegan looked up at Blaize and smiled. “Thanks, mate. The tea would be plenty, but cheers for asking.”
Amarlie smiled and watched Blaize step over the coffee table to head for the kitchen. He was dressed in his typically fabulous fashion sense. Leather pants, silver studded boots, a floral button up with silver roses embroidered over it, lots of jewellery to accessorize. He had pulled the front curls of his hair back and they were clipped with crystal stars. Like his flux sexuality, he had always been gender-fluid. It just felt so right to her that he had started this relationship with Asher and Zenith. Hell, it made so much sense, she felt a little silly for not having noticed it was playing out under her nose. She could feel a proud fuzzy warmth inside her thinking about it. With all the stress and strain lately, it was like a little breath of fresh air. She turned her smile to Asher and Zenith, shaking her head when she caught both of them perving on Blaize’s ass as he left the room. “I can’t even be mad, this makes me so happy,” she said, more tears welling up. “I’m sorry I hurt you guys not telling you. I’ve just been so conscious that this is equally Keegan’s decision. I’ve been so scared and trying to figure it all out in my head. So, yes, I talked to Justin and Sasha about it. Mostly Jus. It wasn’t that I didn’t want you to know, I just wanted Keegan to know first because any decisions and implications as just as much his and mine. I feel like such and idiot that I could even let this happen again. But the abortion scares me. I-I’m sorry. I had a bad time with it last time and I don’t know if I can go through it again…” she tried to explain, looking over at Keegan.
Keegan jumped up and collected the box of tissues Alec had given him when he had been lying on the sofa the afternoon before. He had been coughing so much, he was nauseous, so Alec coaxed him to lie down with a hot water bottle and tucked a blanket in around him, water, tissues and a bowl in easy reach in case he got worse. He learned well from his mum, that’s for sure. Luckily, he had mostly just been an achy, tired, miserable grump that was sleeping a lot. He brought the tissues back for Amarlie, giving her an apologetic smile. “Sorry, I never meant to be a thorn in anyone’s side. I knew I had to come to try to work through it with Amarlie, but I know she has a lot of stressful stuff going on. Justin and Sasha, your friend with cancer. And I have no idea how to deal with any of this either. But I didn’t realise you had a bad experience last time. You know, you could talk to Alec about some of it. Him being a counsellor and all that. It might help? He’s really great to talk to and might help you get your head around it more. Or maybe we could talk to him together?” He gave Zenith and Asher a hesitant smile. “It’s nice to meet you guys, by the way. Amarlie’s told me so much about you.”
Zenith listened, taking in the dynamic with Amarlie and Keegan. Keegan was clearly a kind and thoughtful gentleman. Amarlie had a history of a small handful of guys being cunts to her, taking advantage of her because she was a beautiful blonde girl they only wanted one thing from. But he, Asher and Blaize didn’t even know she had any sort of encounter with Keegan. It must have happened when they were in Australia for the wedding, but he had no idea when. “Just fill us in a bit what went down. We just thought maybe we had become surplus to requirement. Especially when… well, it was either Ash or me who guessed. It was Blaize. He heard you throwing up the first time, then noticed it wasn’t one isolated incident. He actually thought it was Sash in the bathroom. It was a day he had a migraine, but it was that bad one where he couldn’t lift his head off the pillow, so he’d been in bed. You were the only one that was home. Only, we had no idea how it happened because you hadn’t told us you’d been with anyone. We thought it was maybe someone in the tribe, or at least connected to it. Then we thought maybe some guy you met in college. We couldn’t figure it out.”
“Yeah, then it hurt because it totally seemed like you didn’t want us involved,” Asher jumped in, trying to help explain what happened. He looked at Keegan, giving him the once-over. He was pretty damn cute. Same red hair as Kade and same good looks. “Did you fly all the way over here to help Mars, dude? Or was it just a coincidence?”
“No, I came here so we could work this out in person. It’s just so far beyond anything I’ve ever dealt with, so it’s stressed me out so hardcore and Alec thinks that why I got sick. I was rundown with stress and trying to figure out how I should help. Because no matter what anyone says, this is my responsibility as much as Amarlie’s. It was very much a mutual… encounter. We both agree on that. We don’t have any regrets what we did. I actually… uh… I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her. Even before she called me up and told me she was pregnant. I felt terrible then because I knew I was just as much to blame. We had to figure it out, but I feel even worse now knowing she had a bad time of it and had to go through it before.” Keegan gazed at Amarlie in concern. He wanted to hold her hand like guys had been doing just a few moments ago. He wanted to wrap his arms around her in a cuddle and promise it would be okay. “Was it… that the guy before was awful, or do you mean the actual procedure was bad?”
Zenith leaned over and took Amarlie’s hand, giving it a squeeze. “I think it’s okay to tell him, sweetie. He came all this way to help. I know it’s hard to talk about, but fucking hell, you’re not a bad person that this has happened again. You certainly don’t need to be saddled with a baby you aren’t ready for just because you feel like you should be punished for this happening a second time. You’re not the only girl to ever have two mistakes. And you don’t need to feel guilty that you didn’t tell us. Now we know why, we get it. I think you did the right thing, waiting to tell Keegan. Again, it was Blaize that connected those dots when we knew you had been coming down to visit him.”
Amarlie nodded and gave Zen and Ash a grateful, relieved smile. She wiped her eyes with the tissue she had been shredding in her hands before Zenith intercepted. She wet her lips, drawing ain a deep breath to brace herself for this. “The last pregnancy was… it was pretty much rape. Only, one of those in the grey area that some guys will protest that it wasn’t. Because… I-I thought I wanted it at first. He came on pretty heavy and I kind of felt like I had to do it, otherwise he’d call be a cock-tease or something, you know? But once we were doing it, it didn’t feel right. I panicked and tried to tell him to get off because I wanted it to stop. I said no… fuck knows how many times. But he got pissed off and told me he couldn’t stop that far in. He actually said I owed him an orgasm. So, I kind of just lay there and took it. I was on the pill, but only just. I went to the clinic and got it when I met him a few days before. I hadn’t been on it long enough to work, but I didn’t know that at the time. I screwed up - again - I didn’t read the information leaflet the nurse gave me about it. And honestly, after all this shit, I’m going to get the implant or something. I hate myself for this. But…” She looked at Keegan, some more tears spilling over when she saw his kind, sweet face. “That night, with us, it was the total opposite. You were the total opposite to him. You made me feel beautiful, and sexy. I liked how it felt when you were holding me. I liked that you talked to me while we did it. Afterwards, the morning after, I was so upset I missed you and couldn’t say goodbye. I hated that we lived in different countries, because all I wanted was to be able to do it again. To top all that horrible shit off last time, I got a bad infection after the abortion. It was so bad, they said there was a risk of scarring inside and it might affect my fertility in the future. Obviously not...”
Amarlie was still sitting on the coffee table and Keegan didn’t think twice about getting up to sit beside her. He put his arm around her and started to gently rub her shoulder. “Thank you for telling me. I know that must’ve been harder than hell to talk about. You didn’t have to, but thank you for trusting me enough to listen. Zenith’s right, love. You don’t have to feel horrible or guilty. It’s happened and whatever choice you make, I’m with you. I know you probably think I should have some sort of say but it’s not my body. I would never do something awful like demand you keep the baby because it’s mine too. That’s not me. I’m not putting you through trauma like that. If you want to keep it, we’ll tell our families and somehow figure out a way to make this work. I’ll talk to Kade. If he moves here, maybe I can come too and transfer to a school here. Money’s really not an issue, my family are more than well-off. I’m not on scholarships tying me to the uni I’m signed up with. I don’t really know. But I just want you to know that if you want, and need, to terminate the pregnancy, I’ll be there for you. We’ll do it together, the whole way. Okay?”
“So, hang on, dude…” Asher cut in after he had been sitting listening, taking it all in. Blaize was coming back carefully nursing a tray and Asher was briefly distracted by his package in those leather pants right at eye-level. Now they had finally realised what was going on between the three of them, he could openly mack on Blaize as much as he liked. It was like he now had double the love, double the affection, double the sex. What was not to love about that? “Does that mean you could come here anyway? Like, say Mars gets rid of the pregnancy and things go back to normal. Would there be a chance for you guys? It totally sounds like you’ve got the mojo. You’re both obviously hot for each other. Like, whoa. Could you just throw caution to the wind and go for it? What are you studying, can you do it here instead?”
“Ash!” Amarlie said through a gasp. Asher never had much of a filter, but he just put this out there and she didn’t know how to backpedal on it so Keegan wasn’t put on the spot. She wanted to grab Zen and Blaize and smoosh their faces into Ash’s so it would shush him. She was blushing, shaking her hand and covering her eyes with her hand. “Shit, I’m so sorry, Keegan. Don’t listen to him.”
But Keegan was looking at Asher intently, a little frown of thought furrowing his brow. “I… think maybe I could, yeah. I mean, I don’t think it’s entirely out of the realm of possibility, if I’m honest. And really, the only thing holding Kade back from taking the leap to come live here with Alec is Justin. The whole Bondi thing, he’s got… issues around it. At least, I think that’s all that’s holding him back. He’s one of these ostrich people. Bury their heads in the sand rather than facing up to stuff. It’s easier to help someone else to step up than doing it yourself. Which is why I’m here. He’s 100% got my back and all. I’m enrolled in Paramedicine Science and Nursing with a major in Mental Health. There might be schools somewhere over here that do it. I actually looked at some programs overseas but ended up just staying in Oz. I’m not, um…” He paused, feeling himself start to blush. “I don’t want to just assume anything, like… she might not even want that,” he added with a nervous laugh. He definitely was no natural at this stuff. Amarlie was gorgeous. Like, supermodel gorgeous, and he was so sure that him, being an average boring guy, wouldn’t be on her wish list. He was pretty sure the night they had together was just a matter of getting caught up in the romance and relaxing in the sea air.
With a fleeting glance at her boys, all three of them sitting together and Blaize softly caressing both Ash and Zen’s leg once he sat back down between them, her gaze shifted back to Keegan. Before she could let her brain overthink anything, she cupped the back of his head with her hand and pulled him into a kiss. His lips had the pepperminty tang of recently brushed teeth and she could smell the faint scent of his deodorant. She remembered that so clearly. That, mixed with some expensive cologne, was how he smelled the night they first kiss, which led to the unfortunate error of another unwanted pregnancy. It felt right kissing Keegan, and she wondered if this was the feeling Zen, Ash and Blaize experienced when they realised their love was a trifecta rather than a duo. Because if this is how they felt, she wanted them to have it forever.
Blaize shared a smirk with Zen and Ash coupled with a knowing laugh. He just had this gut-feeling once the penny dropped that Amarlie was very likely knocked up somehow. Kade and his little brother had flown in right around the same time he voiced his suspicions to Zen and Ash. They both had been understandably hurt thinking she was purposefully keeping it from them all, but he knew there had to be more to the story. He thought it was pretty damn epic that Keegan wasn’t really hesitating in possibility of coming here, and for the opportunity to explore things with Amarlie. That was huge. Pregnancy shit aside, something special had obviously gone down with them. It had to have been at the wedding too. “Want us to leave so you two can get a room?” he asked, sipping his coffee.
This kiss broke and Keegan felt heady in the wake of it. He couldn’t quite believe it happened and there seemed to be a lot said without words but he couldn’t connect all the dots. “You guys don’t have to leave. I’d like to get to know you all a bit better. Amarlie talked so much about you at the wedding, I feel like I already know you. Maybe we could just all hang out for a bit. You can ask me any questions you like. I don’t mind.”
Amarlie groaned, slapping her hand over her face. “Oh, now you’ve done it. Given them free-range on the interrogation. I hope you’re ready,” she laughed. Relief flooded through her that something was moving forward here. So much tension had released now the boys knew what was going on. She didn’t know what was going to come next, but she knew she wasn’t alone. Far from alone. She had this total sweetheart of a guy here wanting to go through all this with her, and she had her three boys, now all together as a unit and looking like they were made for it. She also had Justin and Sasha, which went without saying. All she had to do now was talk to Gen, and that might prove to be the hardest conversation of all.
RP LOG, COMPLETE