Kade Janson King (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
lifeguardoflove) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
dreamlikenewyork2018-02-14 11:49 pm
lifeguardoflove) wrote in dreamlikenewyork2018-02-14 11:49 pm
"In this big scary place."
Who: Kade and Keegan King
What: Brotherly Love
Where: En-route from Sydney to New York
When: After this this
Kade hoped the seatbelt sign wouldn’t come on again with the flight hit more turbulence. Now wasn’t the time for the damn weather to be farting around. At the door of the plane’s bathroom, he paused briefly and then knocked. “Kee? You okay in there, buddy?” he asked. The reply he got was some pretty emphatic puking noises and he winced, rubbing his hand over his face.
Being a big brother was one of the most important gigs any bloke could have and he always prided himself in the job. But his little brother, Keegan, had always been such an easygoing kid. He never got caught up in messy shit, he wasn’t a brat, he had a big heart. He was always that kid in the playground who would go sit with the kid who got hurt or was being picked on to keep them company. He was the kid who would accompany another kid to the sick bay at school if they weren’t feeling well. It was never a surprise for Kade and his parents when Keegan said he wanted to be a nurse. That was never even a flight of fancy, either. He got the grades and was now enrolled in a double degree of Paramedical Science and Nursing, with to major in Mental Health. Kade was SO fucking proud of him. Which is why this latest turn of events felt like a huge kick in the nuts. Kade kind of wanted to puke himself, but he had to be the big brother. Alec had been coaching him how to navigate this situation through multiple text messages since Keegan broke the news.
Keegan had been stressed to the max and coiled up like a fucking pretzel, but not saying much. He put his headphones in after they took off at Sydney Airport and Kade thought it was because he didn’t want to talk about anything. They were about an hour into the flight when Keegan turned green and instead of using a barf bag, ran for the toilet. Keegan was also the kind of kid who didn’t much like being the centre of attention and got embarrassed easily. He was similar to Sasha in that regard. Ever since Kade had met Sash, he thought Keegan would get along like a house on fire with him. Only, when the Campbell brood came back down to Sydney after Mark and Gen’s wedding on the Sunshine Coast, Keegan was on a cruise with his school mates who all took a gap year with him to travel overseas. It was their last hurrah before they had to knuckle down with uni in the New Year.
Eventually, the bathroom door opened and Keegan stepped out looking like death. He was pale and sweaty, wiping his face on some hand towels. “He’s going to kill me,” he choked out hoarsely.
“Who’s going to kill you? Her dad? Come sit back down and have some water,” Kade coaxed, rubbing Keegan’s back. Now, Kade didn’t know Kai very well. It was more a six-degrees-of-separation thing. There had been some Campbell family things Kade went to with Alec where Kai had been a couple of times, but not many. He knew Kai was smoking hot and he was a psychologist who headed the new charity, Shades of Rainbow. But he really didn’t seem like the murderous sort, but then again, Amarlie was his daughter, even if he only knew about it recently. Unless Keegan was talking about Mark, technically Amarlie’s stepdad now. In which case, yes, murder was a possibility. Kade had been so busy worrying about Keegan that he hadn’t thought of the logistics of all of this.
“Justin,” Keegan clarified as he dragged himself back to their seats in Business Class. At least that was a plus. Their family had the cash to afford Business Class. He was so sure he would want to curl up and die in Economy. He was only a sliver away from that as it was. He knew right down to the minute how long ago he got that phone call from Amarlie at 9.23pm telling him she was pregnant. She was so apologetic and got upset, bursting into tears straight away. He was in shock, but he comforted her regardless. It was a surreal numbness he was hit with at first. He couldn’t think at all, let alone straight. He didn’t know how he was supposed to feel or what the hell he was supposed to do. Without knowing anything, he told her he would come over to New York to see her. Somehow, he had to help her.
Kade frowned. “Justin? Here, you take the aisle in case you need to get out quickly again.” He climbed over and slipped into his seat, but felt around in the pockets for the couple of sick bags they had, just in case. “What made you think about Justin? But if it’s any consolation, I don’t think he’s the violent type…” Justin was protective, though. That was genetic in the Campbell blood. Kade had seen Mark and James belt up many a person picking on people they loved. Alec was more psychologically clever than physically vengeful and Sam, well, he had the gift of the gab when he needed to. “Hang on, I know you, Kee. You’re not thinking because he’s mentally ill, he might hurt you?”
Keegan took the sick bags because making it to the bathroom was a close call and he didn’t want to do something mortifying like causing the flight attendants a massive clean-up on a long-haul international flight. “No, jeez. Bloody hell...” he mumbled, slumping down in his seat and rubbing his hands over his face. “And I don’t want him thinking I think that either. He’ll think I’m a dumbfuck who has no right studying Mental Health. I don’t want him to hate me. I don’t want anyone to hate me over this. Why did I get so drunk I forgot to wrap? But shit, she’s so gorgeous, I lost my mind, clearly. I was just listening to some of his music and started freaking out he was going to hate my guts and want to kill me for doing this to his sister. Have you heard him sing? I was just listening to a cover of Chandelier. Why the hell does it have to be a successful celeb’s sister I knocked up? I feel like an arsehole.”
“You’re not an arsehole and neither is Justin. Yeah, I’ve heard him perform live a few times now, and you’re right, he’s incredible. The talent is mindblowing. If I remember correctly, he recorded that cover for one of his best friends, Cassidy. She’s trans and he talked her down from suicide once. But mostly, whenever I see him, I still see a sick young kid who nearly died on my watch. Not that I’ve told him that. I don’t know him as well as I wish I did, but he kind of emotionally avoids me. Like he’s embarrassed he put me through that at Bondi. I’ve wanted to talk to him for awhile now, but the timing has been up the shit trying to. And I don’t want to upset him. He’s definitely not an arsehole and I think you’ll find he’s not the sort to just hate your guts over this. He’s survived shit that make our heads spin. I don’t know the extent of it all. I suspect, but not been told directly.” Kade pulled the flight blanket over Keegan’s legs for him softly ruffled his hair. “You’ve got every right to stress, but you’re making yourself sick. You fucked up. Everyone has fuck ups.”
“If you had the chance and timing, would you even ask him about it anyway? Amarlie talked a lot about him the night I met her. Once she knew I was your brother and you were the one who saved him at Bondi. Like, I think she felt she could trust me to talk about him because she said there’s this protective zone around him only select people can be in. It was nice, you know? That she trusted me with that. I knew it was a huge deal that she did. She’s so proud of him. But she said it kind of feels like she only has him on loan because he’s so sure he’ll die young. It’s not even an unwarranted fear. There’s a good chance he might. I think that scares her. But I know she has three BFFs who might want to kill me too. Fuck, I don’t know how to handle this. I don’t want anyone to hate me. What if she hates me and she was just being polite on the phone?” Keegan fretted, already hating that there was still so long of the flight left to go. But there was nothing they could do about it but wait it out. “I haven’t hit it off with a girl like that in… quite possibly my whole life. I don’t usually do the one night stand thing. I hate myself. If her brother hates me, I deserve it.”
Kade gave a little thought to the question, but soon shook his head. “No, I don’t think I would. I’d like to tell him it’s okay and he doesn’t have to avoid me, but if Justin’s doing something like avoiding or dissociating, it’s usually a protective mechanism. Alec hasn’t discussed his subjective private information with me, but he’s explained a lot of it in a generic psychiatric sense. He’s not forcefully avoiding me and, like, leaving the room when I enter it or anything. But he’s a charismatic kid when he’s well, so he generally talks to anyone, he just hasn’t engaged with me. Chances are, he probably doesn’t know how to talk about it directly. Alec says he doesn’t avoid the subject of Bondi and will acknowledge it, but even the work he’s done with Justin since then, he hasn’t unpacked that day at Bondi. He met Sasha very soon after it, though, so he’s probably talked about it with him and likely his friends too. They’re a sweet bunch. Not arseholes. They’re not going to want to string you up by the nuts, mate. But I know this is going to be hard, Kee. Being on the other side of the world and I. I want you to promise me you don’t make any rash decisions with uni about to start. You can’t throw your career away on a mistake and I doubt Amarlie would want you to. I know she’s at the precipice of great things herself. Are you saying you might’ve felt there was more there if she lived closer?”
“I remember how much Alec was looking forward to being an uncle when Sam and Michelle were expecting. He was so excited about getting a niece or nephew. He’s got to be so proud now. But still, like… I couldn’t imagine it, you know? When Amarlie was talking about it, having someone you love being suicidal. Not just as a one-off or anything. She said he still feels suicidal a lot of the time. How great it was to see him so happy getting engaged that night. She also said how sweet Sasha was. I felt like I could listen to her talk forever and I wanted to know so much more. I knew I only had a few hours, though. We were going to meet again the next morning before I had to fly back home but I was so hungover and slept through my alarm. So, she probably thinks I didn’t give a fuck. She never emailed me like she said she would. First I heard was the phone call telling me this news. I never bloody thought something like this would happen to me. I can’t believe I screwed up so bad. Justin could be the nicest bloke in the whole world but he would still have every right to hate me for getting his sister pregnant.” Keegan sighed. He closed his eyes and pressed his fists into the sockets. “I won’t make any rash decisions, but I still have to find a way to help. And not tell her what to do because it’s not my body. But I… sure, I would’ve wanted to ask her on a date if we lived near. But we don’t. Case in point. Not that you can talk about that. You and Alec live in different countries, technically.”
Kade smiled because he knew Alec was over the moon with pride over his nieces and nephews. He had two of each, and another niece if he counted Amarlie. Plus, very likely another child to add to the mix if Sam and Lisa went through with their adoption plans. Alec definitely had a soft spot for Justin, considering how much he had helped him since he met him. Alec was part of Justin’s care team and was one of his psychiatrists, the one who perhaps had a lot of trust from him. Alec said as long as Justin wanted his help, he would be there for him. And if he woke up tomorrow not wanting him to be his doctor anymore, he wouldn’t be offended. Still, it was always a painful situation for their family. “Justin still frequently self-harms. He has bad patches where he’s more susceptible. Amarlie blames herself for one particular episode where Justin used her nail scissors to cut himself. It’s hard for them not to blame themselves or feel guilt, no matter how much it isn’t their fault. She’s very close to him and she’s probably already told him the news, mate. You won’t be turning up and going ‘Hey, I’m the baby daddy!’ without anyone knowing, especially Justin. Their not really a family that blindsides each other anymore. Blindsiding has caused too much harm. You haven’t deliberately hurt or harmed her, no one will make out like you did. And maybe she was pissed that you didn’t meet her the next morning, but she still called you to tell you this. I know you’ll both deal with this as maturely as possible. Yeah, but I go over there to stay with him on the off-season. It’s a different situation. All I’m saying is your heart is going to do all sorts of screwy and scary things with this. You have to be prepared for that.”
Keegan puffed his cheeks out and rubbed his stomach. He was so stressed and worried, he felt sick. Panicking about what he should say or do when he saw Amarlie wasn’t helping, and it was only made worse by the fact he really liked her. He would never have wanted to put her into this mess. How had he screwed up wrapping? He had lectured his own friends on remembering to, and he was the sort of guy who hardly ever got laid, but carried a strip of condoms in his wallet regardless. He was so relieved Kade was able to come with him because he didn’t think he could do it without his support. It made the situation a little easier to face, but it was still the most fucked up mess he had ever been in. Mostly, his life had been easy and he didn’t have a lot of trauma or grief in it. He was one of the very lucky ones. “She told me she’s seen him self-harm but didn’t go into detail. She loves being part of the family, though, even if it’s hard. Mostly, she talked about making the choice to find her biological mum and the whole journey that came with it. How hard it was for her and how she thought her mum wanted nothing to do with her first. What it lead to, and how she has two families now. I loved learning about her. That night, I thought we might become friends, but sex always complicates things. This is a whole other realm of complicated. I’m fucking terrified. I don’t know how to handle this. Mostly I just want to tell her I support whatever choice she makes, but what if she wants to keep the baby? What do I do then? I can’t just get on a plane home and pretend nothing happened. And what if all she wanted was a one-nighter and I’m there complicating it? I don’t know how to do complicated.”
“Keep sipping the water, buddy. Or spew as much as you need to. I don’t care. I’m here for you. However you need to handle this, we’ll roll with it. It’s a friggin massive thing and I know it’s got to be terrifying, but we’ve got this. Mum and Dad are there for you too. And I know without a shadow of a doubt, the Campbells will be too. All of them. Because you’re family and so is Amarlie. Okay, that sounds wrong. Non-blood family. But if there is one thing I know they do that is more important than anything else is get through family challenges together, helping each other. No matter what the challenge is or how it happened. And anyway, you’re forgetting something important. Justin was conceived through a mistake like this, and so was Amarlie. Do you really think anyone will judge you?” Kade was still rubbing Keegan’s shoulder to try to comfort him. He felt helpless and regardless of Alec trying to counsel him how to deal with this, he didn’t feel like he was doing near enough good of a job.
Head resting back against the seat, Keegan frowned when this information filtered through and he processed it. He lifted his head again to look at Kade. “You’re right. I didn’t even think of that. Do you know how they feel about being accidents? Because just because they were, doesn’t mean they’re proud of it. But then, they both wanted to find their parents, so that’s something. But I feel too young for this! I mean, you know, when I look at parents, they’re older than me. They’re parent age. I’m not parent age… am I? Do you even know how Justin and Amarlie feel about that? Have you even had direct conversations with them?” He paused and nailed Kade with an intense gaze. “What’s going on with you and Alec anyway? Do you love him? Or is it just some extra-complicated friends-with-benefits arrangement in the off-season? I haven’t heard you say how you feel about the ‘arrangement’ of you only staying with him a few months of the year. How do you feel that he moved to New York permanently?”
“Not any deep and meaningful conversations, no. Not because I haven’t wanted to, but I’m still mostly a stranger to them and it’s been a really crappy year for their family and sitting down with me for a cuppa and a scone hasn’t exactly been on their priority list. It’s been more important for Justin to get to know his uncle that he hadn’t previously known. It takes a hell of a lot for Justin to trust people and working on that has been a priority for Alec. But I’m pretty sure neither of them see being products of accidental pregnancies as any defining thing. If you wanted to talk to them about it, I don’t think it would be a triggering thing. Even if you’re worried asking Justin about it, at least talk to Amarlie. If you guys talked that well before all this happens, it’s a good indicator you can talk through all this, no matter what happens. Because that’s the most important part of all. This affects you and her the most of anyone else. Even her a little more than you because she’s the one who’s pregnant. But I know you, Kee. Maybe better than I even know myself some days and you’re one of the kindest and sweetest kids in the universe. You’ll figure this out as you go. You’ll make sure Amarlie’s cared for. But just take each step at a time, because sometimes, life throws a hell of a lot of crap at us all at once and the biggest mistake we make is trying to deal with it all too quickly and losing sight of what matters the most. We do what we think we should do, not what is best for us. And you have two parts of an ‘us’ in this equation, so you have to do what’s best for her too, okay? I don’t doubt for a second Justin will Hulk out in a serious brotherzilla if you don’t at least do that for her. Promise me you’ll at least get that part right? Everything else can fall into place.” Kade offered Keegan his pinkie to Pinkie Promise, but the gaze his little brother was piercing him with wasn’t lost on him. “Of course I love him. I just don’t know if life will ever fall into place enough for ours ‘us’ to work out. It never seems to be the right time, but I don’t want to lose complete touch with him again. This works and I’d rather have that than nothing. I also don’t want to get in the way of his family stuff. He’s got a lot of time to make up for.”
“How come you can give such good advice to me about my shit, but suck so hard at your own? You don’t even have a pregnancy in the equation. But I know you both have careers that are just as important to you. That Alec has family he needed to be with right now because they’ve had a tough time. My question is, isn’t that as good a reason as any for you to be closer to him? Bondi’s not the only beach in the world if that’s what you think you should be doing. You’re a fucking Olympic gold medallist. And not just one, either. You can teach kids to swim, maybe even ones that need extra help. You could be a trainer. You could teach surfing. You don’t think the ‘us’ you and Alec are is worth the fight? You said twice in as many breaths that his family has been having challenges, so isn’t that the most important thing to help him through?” Keegan hadn’t directly asked Kade any of this stuff before. Mostly, he just figured if Kade needed to talk about it, he would. Only, now he was thinking Kade might be the sort of person who could reason out other people’s problems more than his own. Maybe now was as good a time as any to think about that. “Like… okay. Look what happened to Sam with Michelle. She died of cancer and their baby died with her. Then Mark. He’s had a heart attack and he’s got a kid younger than me staring death down the barrel. James, he’s divorced now and before that, the whole mess with thinking he was murdered. Even if all that is challenges, it’s still living and fighting for their families. Don’t you want that with Alec? Now you got him back after thinking you lost him for good?”
Kade smirked faintly and shook his head. Keegan had always been a smart cookie. Moments like this reminded Kade how amazing he was going to be as a nurse or paramedic, whatever path his career ended up taking. If all this stuff didn't derail him and confuse him on what step needed to be taken next. “Because helping with other people’s problems, you feel helpful. Failing to figure out your own, you feel helpless. And honestly, I don’t even think Alec and I have problems. Not in that sense. We work like this, but I don’t think it’ll manage to go the distance. Something’ll eventually have to give, but I’ve been okay for now supporting him through his family stuff. It’s been awful for him. He feels guilty about being away when he was deployed and missing everything when Justin first came into their lives. It’s been hard for him being the top psychiatrist he is to feel the pain of his nephew being so seriously sick. I’m sure he wishes he could have just had some miracle fix. I just don’t know if I’m cut out for living in America. The place does nothing for me. New York is so claustrophobic and loud. Australia’s in my blood. I can’t seem to move on from that.” He had to laugh at the irony and closed his eyes briefly. “We’re supposed to be talking about your issues and somehow, you’ve steered back to mine. I’m supposed to be doing my big brother job here, mate. Helping you try to feel better, if you even can right now. If not, reminding you I’m here regardless.”
Keegan smirked back, a gesture similar to Kade’s because they both inherited their smirk from their dad. “Yeah, but I know that. I know you’re here. You’ve been here for me my whole life, especially when shit got real and scary. I also have to do my little brother job, which, in my eyes, looks the same as the big brother job, just with more puking and less clue of how to deal with scary shit in life. I don’t fucking know what the hell I’m doing, or should be doing. Sounds like you don’t, either. I mean, Australia’s in my blood, too, but it’s in the blood of all the Campbells as well, right? And they haven’t stayed back. It’s still in their blood even though they live in another country. Maybe love’s worth fighting for if you’re one of the lucky ones to find it? You know what I thought the night I met Amarlie? That if we were in the same place, I could so easily fall for her. There was just something so special about her. She was one of those people in life that impact on others, and for reasons you can’t even put your finger on. But what if we only have a certain portion of those people we meet in our lives as long as it lasts. I know Alec’s that for you. I know how shit you felt when he enlisted and you knew he was going to be away for a long time. All those people who have found their soul mates, they make it look amazing. But I don’t think they’re just making it look so. I think it actually is, and that’s got to be incredible. Worth doing what it takes to keep it. If you were both in Sydney indefinitely, where do you think you would be up to with him?”
Kade definitely thought a hell of a lot about how Alec and his brothers all ended up in New York, of all places. Not just the fact they all settled there, but that they forged pretty incredible lives, surrounded by incredible people. Mark and James had kids, Sam had found love again and was thinking of giving the starting a family thing another chance when he thought all hope was lost. They were living and happy, even if they were far away from their home. A home that would always be home, there was no doubt about that. “I’ve felt like puking myself a few times since Alec came back into my life. I spent practically the whole night puking after Justin’s rescue. Alec was there with me while I tried to deal with the shock of realising it was Mark’s kid. At the time it all happened, I didn’t even know. I knew who Justin was, but I was so focused on trying to bring him back that I didn’t realise it was him. It was the worse day and night of my life. The way I dealt with Alec coming back was just to pretend like no time had passed and we fell back into whatever we did before. We never labelled it or analysed it. Which is odd in itself, because Alec subconsciously analyses everything. He’s a therapist, it’s how his mind works. But I just can’t seem to take the leap. I don’t even really know why. Scared it won’t work out, maybe. But I also don’t want to leave you high and dry. Even though you’ve not been around for the better part of a year, travelling the world. Which is awesome and I’m so proud of you. It’s also why I’m terrified you’re not going to cope with this pregnancy thing, and it’s why you’re my priority for now. I can sort my shit out any time.”
“We can sort both our shit out at the same time, you know. It’s communal shit. Family shit. And it’s in New York.” Keegan sighed and met Kade’s gaze again. To give himself something to do with his hands, he folded over one of the sick bags, trying to use it as a buffer to figure out how he was feeling. It was beyond confused and scared. It was a knotted up gut and a sore neck and head from tension. He wanted to crawl into bed and sleep for a week. Jetlag always bit him in the arse. And they were going to be staying at Alec’s place, which was an apartment in the same building as Mark and his family… included a pregnant Amarlie. “It’s always going to work out with you and Alec. You just fit. Even if it doesn’t end up a relationship or romance, you’re always going to be best friends. It doesn’t even matter that you had this massive gap of time where you were out of touch. The thing with Justin happened and you were drawn into Alec’s world again, and he into yours. It was a horrible tragedy to happen, but that sort of thing is what are the tests, right? Those life tests we all have to face. That’s what we’re both trying to do here. Figure out how to make it through the test. Just… promise me you’ll look at this time with Alec as a test drive for taking the plunge to stay there? I’ll be fine, you know. I’ll miss you like crazy, but we’ll visit. I can come over in semester breaks. You need to be happy Kade. Can I… um… don’t take this the wrong way, but have you talked out what you went through with Justin’s rescue? To anyone? Because that sort of stuff, it’s like PTSD, you know. If you haven’t been able to talk about it, maybe that’s a thing? Like… you’re scared to be near Justin again because it drags up all the memories and reminds you how close you nearly came to losing Alec’s nephew. Because you knew deep down you still loved him and never stopped. Maybe Alec’s who you need to talk it out with. Or even Justin. I bet he knows how important it is to talk shit out. Do you think he does? With Sasha and family? His friends? Because, you should be able to have that too.”
Kade frowned hearing Keegan put it like that. PTSD? That’s what Justin had. It was what the people Alec worked with had. It wasn’t something someone like he ended up having, was it? He had a great life. His parents made sure he and Keegan had everything they needed, and most of what they wanted, unless they were being spoiled brats about it, in which case, they would have better chances of turning into a Gremlin at will. Alec had tried to talk to him about the whole thing but he kept telling him he was fine, because he thought he was… as long as he didn’t keep rehashing it. This was the first he thought that might actually be an issue. Or that it might be something blocking him figuring out what he should do with his future with Alec. Soon, he nodded slowly and cleared his throat. “Yeah. Yeah, he does. A lot, from what I hear. Mostly with his dad and Sasha, but I know he’s also close to his other family and friends. He says a lot how many of them helped save his life. That’s not even an exaggeration. When he’s well, he’s has all the time in the world for talking to people, but when he’s not, I think he struggles. Understandably so. I was so sure we’d lost him that day. When I got the call that he had woken up in the hospital and pulled through, it just felt like that was all that mattered. It didn’t matter how hard the shit surrounding it was. I think if I knew in advance that he was Alec’s nephew, I would’ve fucked it all up. I would’ve tried too hard… I don’t know. I guess I worried on some level too that if I was around in Alec’s life as his lover, it might be a constant bad reminder for Justin of Bondi. Or maybe it’s the other way around…”
Keegan nodded and then it was his turn to make with the brother mojo. He turned in his seat a little and gave Kade a hug. Even if Kade didn’t say it, he knew he needed one. “You know, so maybe you’ll drag bad memories up for each other, but you both have people around who love you to help you through it. And, like, if it all works out really well, mate, you’d pretty much be another uncle for Justin. Forget the part where I got his sister pregnant for a moment and might be about to make you a biological uncle, but you know what all the Campbell brothers do like bosses? Make uncling look awesome. See, I know if we took the whole Bondi awful day out of the equation, you would having a ball with Justin and being with Alec. I know you would. You’d probably be living in New York by now, not sticking at Bondi, trying to wrack up more and more successful rescues to try to make up for the one that keeps haunting you, that you think you nearly failed with. And you think that because it happened at all on your watch. You think you should’ve been able to stop him before he got to the point where he actually drowned and nearly died, don’t you?” He sat back and looked at Kade to see his reaction. He felt bad to put it out there like that but he was pretty sure now this could be where Kade was without even realising it.
“Bloody hell, Kee, I’m supposed to be helping you here.” Kade accepted the hug and patted his brother’s back. He did need it. He wouldn’t say he had been completely delusional about this whole thing because it still kept him awake some nights, but he had been burying his heads in the proverbial sand… possibly the sands of Bondi, to try to just move on from it. “I can’t even fathom being that sort of reliable source of care for Justin. I mean, his family ace it. They’re inceptional and take care of him so well, but because he’s Alec’s nephew, I’d love to get to know him more. Maybe us going to New York together turned out to be the best thing, huh? We can both battle these challenges as a team and get through it somehow. I’d like if you became friends with that group. Alec sings their praises and said they’re all a diverse bunch, different walks of life, different identities. Even if we fuck all this up gloriously, at least we’ll be surrounded by good people, huh? I think that’s what life’s all about, really.”
“It is,” Keegan agreed with a faint smile. “So, if I promise to be the best man I can possibly be with this and help Amarlie the best I can, whatever it takes, will you promise to talk to Alec about all this? And maybe Justin? Then, hey, if you talk to him, maybe you can test the waters on whether he wants to kill me or not,” he added sheepishly.
Kade laughed and ruffled his brother’s hair. “Okay, deal. Just try to remember to bloody wrap next time… even with Amarlie.”
LOG, COMPLETE
What: Brotherly Love
Where: En-route from Sydney to New York
When: After this this
Kade hoped the seatbelt sign wouldn’t come on again with the flight hit more turbulence. Now wasn’t the time for the damn weather to be farting around. At the door of the plane’s bathroom, he paused briefly and then knocked. “Kee? You okay in there, buddy?” he asked. The reply he got was some pretty emphatic puking noises and he winced, rubbing his hand over his face.
Being a big brother was one of the most important gigs any bloke could have and he always prided himself in the job. But his little brother, Keegan, had always been such an easygoing kid. He never got caught up in messy shit, he wasn’t a brat, he had a big heart. He was always that kid in the playground who would go sit with the kid who got hurt or was being picked on to keep them company. He was the kid who would accompany another kid to the sick bay at school if they weren’t feeling well. It was never a surprise for Kade and his parents when Keegan said he wanted to be a nurse. That was never even a flight of fancy, either. He got the grades and was now enrolled in a double degree of Paramedical Science and Nursing, with to major in Mental Health. Kade was SO fucking proud of him. Which is why this latest turn of events felt like a huge kick in the nuts. Kade kind of wanted to puke himself, but he had to be the big brother. Alec had been coaching him how to navigate this situation through multiple text messages since Keegan broke the news.
Keegan had been stressed to the max and coiled up like a fucking pretzel, but not saying much. He put his headphones in after they took off at Sydney Airport and Kade thought it was because he didn’t want to talk about anything. They were about an hour into the flight when Keegan turned green and instead of using a barf bag, ran for the toilet. Keegan was also the kind of kid who didn’t much like being the centre of attention and got embarrassed easily. He was similar to Sasha in that regard. Ever since Kade had met Sash, he thought Keegan would get along like a house on fire with him. Only, when the Campbell brood came back down to Sydney after Mark and Gen’s wedding on the Sunshine Coast, Keegan was on a cruise with his school mates who all took a gap year with him to travel overseas. It was their last hurrah before they had to knuckle down with uni in the New Year.
Eventually, the bathroom door opened and Keegan stepped out looking like death. He was pale and sweaty, wiping his face on some hand towels. “He’s going to kill me,” he choked out hoarsely.
“Who’s going to kill you? Her dad? Come sit back down and have some water,” Kade coaxed, rubbing Keegan’s back. Now, Kade didn’t know Kai very well. It was more a six-degrees-of-separation thing. There had been some Campbell family things Kade went to with Alec where Kai had been a couple of times, but not many. He knew Kai was smoking hot and he was a psychologist who headed the new charity, Shades of Rainbow. But he really didn’t seem like the murderous sort, but then again, Amarlie was his daughter, even if he only knew about it recently. Unless Keegan was talking about Mark, technically Amarlie’s stepdad now. In which case, yes, murder was a possibility. Kade had been so busy worrying about Keegan that he hadn’t thought of the logistics of all of this.
“Justin,” Keegan clarified as he dragged himself back to their seats in Business Class. At least that was a plus. Their family had the cash to afford Business Class. He was so sure he would want to curl up and die in Economy. He was only a sliver away from that as it was. He knew right down to the minute how long ago he got that phone call from Amarlie at 9.23pm telling him she was pregnant. She was so apologetic and got upset, bursting into tears straight away. He was in shock, but he comforted her regardless. It was a surreal numbness he was hit with at first. He couldn’t think at all, let alone straight. He didn’t know how he was supposed to feel or what the hell he was supposed to do. Without knowing anything, he told her he would come over to New York to see her. Somehow, he had to help her.
Kade frowned. “Justin? Here, you take the aisle in case you need to get out quickly again.” He climbed over and slipped into his seat, but felt around in the pockets for the couple of sick bags they had, just in case. “What made you think about Justin? But if it’s any consolation, I don’t think he’s the violent type…” Justin was protective, though. That was genetic in the Campbell blood. Kade had seen Mark and James belt up many a person picking on people they loved. Alec was more psychologically clever than physically vengeful and Sam, well, he had the gift of the gab when he needed to. “Hang on, I know you, Kee. You’re not thinking because he’s mentally ill, he might hurt you?”
Keegan took the sick bags because making it to the bathroom was a close call and he didn’t want to do something mortifying like causing the flight attendants a massive clean-up on a long-haul international flight. “No, jeez. Bloody hell...” he mumbled, slumping down in his seat and rubbing his hands over his face. “And I don’t want him thinking I think that either. He’ll think I’m a dumbfuck who has no right studying Mental Health. I don’t want him to hate me. I don’t want anyone to hate me over this. Why did I get so drunk I forgot to wrap? But shit, she’s so gorgeous, I lost my mind, clearly. I was just listening to some of his music and started freaking out he was going to hate my guts and want to kill me for doing this to his sister. Have you heard him sing? I was just listening to a cover of Chandelier. Why the hell does it have to be a successful celeb’s sister I knocked up? I feel like an arsehole.”
“You’re not an arsehole and neither is Justin. Yeah, I’ve heard him perform live a few times now, and you’re right, he’s incredible. The talent is mindblowing. If I remember correctly, he recorded that cover for one of his best friends, Cassidy. She’s trans and he talked her down from suicide once. But mostly, whenever I see him, I still see a sick young kid who nearly died on my watch. Not that I’ve told him that. I don’t know him as well as I wish I did, but he kind of emotionally avoids me. Like he’s embarrassed he put me through that at Bondi. I’ve wanted to talk to him for awhile now, but the timing has been up the shit trying to. And I don’t want to upset him. He’s definitely not an arsehole and I think you’ll find he’s not the sort to just hate your guts over this. He’s survived shit that make our heads spin. I don’t know the extent of it all. I suspect, but not been told directly.” Kade pulled the flight blanket over Keegan’s legs for him softly ruffled his hair. “You’ve got every right to stress, but you’re making yourself sick. You fucked up. Everyone has fuck ups.”
“If you had the chance and timing, would you even ask him about it anyway? Amarlie talked a lot about him the night I met her. Once she knew I was your brother and you were the one who saved him at Bondi. Like, I think she felt she could trust me to talk about him because she said there’s this protective zone around him only select people can be in. It was nice, you know? That she trusted me with that. I knew it was a huge deal that she did. She’s so proud of him. But she said it kind of feels like she only has him on loan because he’s so sure he’ll die young. It’s not even an unwarranted fear. There’s a good chance he might. I think that scares her. But I know she has three BFFs who might want to kill me too. Fuck, I don’t know how to handle this. I don’t want anyone to hate me. What if she hates me and she was just being polite on the phone?” Keegan fretted, already hating that there was still so long of the flight left to go. But there was nothing they could do about it but wait it out. “I haven’t hit it off with a girl like that in… quite possibly my whole life. I don’t usually do the one night stand thing. I hate myself. If her brother hates me, I deserve it.”
Kade gave a little thought to the question, but soon shook his head. “No, I don’t think I would. I’d like to tell him it’s okay and he doesn’t have to avoid me, but if Justin’s doing something like avoiding or dissociating, it’s usually a protective mechanism. Alec hasn’t discussed his subjective private information with me, but he’s explained a lot of it in a generic psychiatric sense. He’s not forcefully avoiding me and, like, leaving the room when I enter it or anything. But he’s a charismatic kid when he’s well, so he generally talks to anyone, he just hasn’t engaged with me. Chances are, he probably doesn’t know how to talk about it directly. Alec says he doesn’t avoid the subject of Bondi and will acknowledge it, but even the work he’s done with Justin since then, he hasn’t unpacked that day at Bondi. He met Sasha very soon after it, though, so he’s probably talked about it with him and likely his friends too. They’re a sweet bunch. Not arseholes. They’re not going to want to string you up by the nuts, mate. But I know this is going to be hard, Kee. Being on the other side of the world and I. I want you to promise me you don’t make any rash decisions with uni about to start. You can’t throw your career away on a mistake and I doubt Amarlie would want you to. I know she’s at the precipice of great things herself. Are you saying you might’ve felt there was more there if she lived closer?”
“I remember how much Alec was looking forward to being an uncle when Sam and Michelle were expecting. He was so excited about getting a niece or nephew. He’s got to be so proud now. But still, like… I couldn’t imagine it, you know? When Amarlie was talking about it, having someone you love being suicidal. Not just as a one-off or anything. She said he still feels suicidal a lot of the time. How great it was to see him so happy getting engaged that night. She also said how sweet Sasha was. I felt like I could listen to her talk forever and I wanted to know so much more. I knew I only had a few hours, though. We were going to meet again the next morning before I had to fly back home but I was so hungover and slept through my alarm. So, she probably thinks I didn’t give a fuck. She never emailed me like she said she would. First I heard was the phone call telling me this news. I never bloody thought something like this would happen to me. I can’t believe I screwed up so bad. Justin could be the nicest bloke in the whole world but he would still have every right to hate me for getting his sister pregnant.” Keegan sighed. He closed his eyes and pressed his fists into the sockets. “I won’t make any rash decisions, but I still have to find a way to help. And not tell her what to do because it’s not my body. But I… sure, I would’ve wanted to ask her on a date if we lived near. But we don’t. Case in point. Not that you can talk about that. You and Alec live in different countries, technically.”
Kade smiled because he knew Alec was over the moon with pride over his nieces and nephews. He had two of each, and another niece if he counted Amarlie. Plus, very likely another child to add to the mix if Sam and Lisa went through with their adoption plans. Alec definitely had a soft spot for Justin, considering how much he had helped him since he met him. Alec was part of Justin’s care team and was one of his psychiatrists, the one who perhaps had a lot of trust from him. Alec said as long as Justin wanted his help, he would be there for him. And if he woke up tomorrow not wanting him to be his doctor anymore, he wouldn’t be offended. Still, it was always a painful situation for their family. “Justin still frequently self-harms. He has bad patches where he’s more susceptible. Amarlie blames herself for one particular episode where Justin used her nail scissors to cut himself. It’s hard for them not to blame themselves or feel guilt, no matter how much it isn’t their fault. She’s very close to him and she’s probably already told him the news, mate. You won’t be turning up and going ‘Hey, I’m the baby daddy!’ without anyone knowing, especially Justin. Their not really a family that blindsides each other anymore. Blindsiding has caused too much harm. You haven’t deliberately hurt or harmed her, no one will make out like you did. And maybe she was pissed that you didn’t meet her the next morning, but she still called you to tell you this. I know you’ll both deal with this as maturely as possible. Yeah, but I go over there to stay with him on the off-season. It’s a different situation. All I’m saying is your heart is going to do all sorts of screwy and scary things with this. You have to be prepared for that.”
Keegan puffed his cheeks out and rubbed his stomach. He was so stressed and worried, he felt sick. Panicking about what he should say or do when he saw Amarlie wasn’t helping, and it was only made worse by the fact he really liked her. He would never have wanted to put her into this mess. How had he screwed up wrapping? He had lectured his own friends on remembering to, and he was the sort of guy who hardly ever got laid, but carried a strip of condoms in his wallet regardless. He was so relieved Kade was able to come with him because he didn’t think he could do it without his support. It made the situation a little easier to face, but it was still the most fucked up mess he had ever been in. Mostly, his life had been easy and he didn’t have a lot of trauma or grief in it. He was one of the very lucky ones. “She told me she’s seen him self-harm but didn’t go into detail. She loves being part of the family, though, even if it’s hard. Mostly, she talked about making the choice to find her biological mum and the whole journey that came with it. How hard it was for her and how she thought her mum wanted nothing to do with her first. What it lead to, and how she has two families now. I loved learning about her. That night, I thought we might become friends, but sex always complicates things. This is a whole other realm of complicated. I’m fucking terrified. I don’t know how to handle this. Mostly I just want to tell her I support whatever choice she makes, but what if she wants to keep the baby? What do I do then? I can’t just get on a plane home and pretend nothing happened. And what if all she wanted was a one-nighter and I’m there complicating it? I don’t know how to do complicated.”
“Keep sipping the water, buddy. Or spew as much as you need to. I don’t care. I’m here for you. However you need to handle this, we’ll roll with it. It’s a friggin massive thing and I know it’s got to be terrifying, but we’ve got this. Mum and Dad are there for you too. And I know without a shadow of a doubt, the Campbells will be too. All of them. Because you’re family and so is Amarlie. Okay, that sounds wrong. Non-blood family. But if there is one thing I know they do that is more important than anything else is get through family challenges together, helping each other. No matter what the challenge is or how it happened. And anyway, you’re forgetting something important. Justin was conceived through a mistake like this, and so was Amarlie. Do you really think anyone will judge you?” Kade was still rubbing Keegan’s shoulder to try to comfort him. He felt helpless and regardless of Alec trying to counsel him how to deal with this, he didn’t feel like he was doing near enough good of a job.
Head resting back against the seat, Keegan frowned when this information filtered through and he processed it. He lifted his head again to look at Kade. “You’re right. I didn’t even think of that. Do you know how they feel about being accidents? Because just because they were, doesn’t mean they’re proud of it. But then, they both wanted to find their parents, so that’s something. But I feel too young for this! I mean, you know, when I look at parents, they’re older than me. They’re parent age. I’m not parent age… am I? Do you even know how Justin and Amarlie feel about that? Have you even had direct conversations with them?” He paused and nailed Kade with an intense gaze. “What’s going on with you and Alec anyway? Do you love him? Or is it just some extra-complicated friends-with-benefits arrangement in the off-season? I haven’t heard you say how you feel about the ‘arrangement’ of you only staying with him a few months of the year. How do you feel that he moved to New York permanently?”
“Not any deep and meaningful conversations, no. Not because I haven’t wanted to, but I’m still mostly a stranger to them and it’s been a really crappy year for their family and sitting down with me for a cuppa and a scone hasn’t exactly been on their priority list. It’s been more important for Justin to get to know his uncle that he hadn’t previously known. It takes a hell of a lot for Justin to trust people and working on that has been a priority for Alec. But I’m pretty sure neither of them see being products of accidental pregnancies as any defining thing. If you wanted to talk to them about it, I don’t think it would be a triggering thing. Even if you’re worried asking Justin about it, at least talk to Amarlie. If you guys talked that well before all this happens, it’s a good indicator you can talk through all this, no matter what happens. Because that’s the most important part of all. This affects you and her the most of anyone else. Even her a little more than you because she’s the one who’s pregnant. But I know you, Kee. Maybe better than I even know myself some days and you’re one of the kindest and sweetest kids in the universe. You’ll figure this out as you go. You’ll make sure Amarlie’s cared for. But just take each step at a time, because sometimes, life throws a hell of a lot of crap at us all at once and the biggest mistake we make is trying to deal with it all too quickly and losing sight of what matters the most. We do what we think we should do, not what is best for us. And you have two parts of an ‘us’ in this equation, so you have to do what’s best for her too, okay? I don’t doubt for a second Justin will Hulk out in a serious brotherzilla if you don’t at least do that for her. Promise me you’ll at least get that part right? Everything else can fall into place.” Kade offered Keegan his pinkie to Pinkie Promise, but the gaze his little brother was piercing him with wasn’t lost on him. “Of course I love him. I just don’t know if life will ever fall into place enough for ours ‘us’ to work out. It never seems to be the right time, but I don’t want to lose complete touch with him again. This works and I’d rather have that than nothing. I also don’t want to get in the way of his family stuff. He’s got a lot of time to make up for.”
“How come you can give such good advice to me about my shit, but suck so hard at your own? You don’t even have a pregnancy in the equation. But I know you both have careers that are just as important to you. That Alec has family he needed to be with right now because they’ve had a tough time. My question is, isn’t that as good a reason as any for you to be closer to him? Bondi’s not the only beach in the world if that’s what you think you should be doing. You’re a fucking Olympic gold medallist. And not just one, either. You can teach kids to swim, maybe even ones that need extra help. You could be a trainer. You could teach surfing. You don’t think the ‘us’ you and Alec are is worth the fight? You said twice in as many breaths that his family has been having challenges, so isn’t that the most important thing to help him through?” Keegan hadn’t directly asked Kade any of this stuff before. Mostly, he just figured if Kade needed to talk about it, he would. Only, now he was thinking Kade might be the sort of person who could reason out other people’s problems more than his own. Maybe now was as good a time as any to think about that. “Like… okay. Look what happened to Sam with Michelle. She died of cancer and their baby died with her. Then Mark. He’s had a heart attack and he’s got a kid younger than me staring death down the barrel. James, he’s divorced now and before that, the whole mess with thinking he was murdered. Even if all that is challenges, it’s still living and fighting for their families. Don’t you want that with Alec? Now you got him back after thinking you lost him for good?”
Kade smirked faintly and shook his head. Keegan had always been a smart cookie. Moments like this reminded Kade how amazing he was going to be as a nurse or paramedic, whatever path his career ended up taking. If all this stuff didn't derail him and confuse him on what step needed to be taken next. “Because helping with other people’s problems, you feel helpful. Failing to figure out your own, you feel helpless. And honestly, I don’t even think Alec and I have problems. Not in that sense. We work like this, but I don’t think it’ll manage to go the distance. Something’ll eventually have to give, but I’ve been okay for now supporting him through his family stuff. It’s been awful for him. He feels guilty about being away when he was deployed and missing everything when Justin first came into their lives. It’s been hard for him being the top psychiatrist he is to feel the pain of his nephew being so seriously sick. I’m sure he wishes he could have just had some miracle fix. I just don’t know if I’m cut out for living in America. The place does nothing for me. New York is so claustrophobic and loud. Australia’s in my blood. I can’t seem to move on from that.” He had to laugh at the irony and closed his eyes briefly. “We’re supposed to be talking about your issues and somehow, you’ve steered back to mine. I’m supposed to be doing my big brother job here, mate. Helping you try to feel better, if you even can right now. If not, reminding you I’m here regardless.”
Keegan smirked back, a gesture similar to Kade’s because they both inherited their smirk from their dad. “Yeah, but I know that. I know you’re here. You’ve been here for me my whole life, especially when shit got real and scary. I also have to do my little brother job, which, in my eyes, looks the same as the big brother job, just with more puking and less clue of how to deal with scary shit in life. I don’t fucking know what the hell I’m doing, or should be doing. Sounds like you don’t, either. I mean, Australia’s in my blood, too, but it’s in the blood of all the Campbells as well, right? And they haven’t stayed back. It’s still in their blood even though they live in another country. Maybe love’s worth fighting for if you’re one of the lucky ones to find it? You know what I thought the night I met Amarlie? That if we were in the same place, I could so easily fall for her. There was just something so special about her. She was one of those people in life that impact on others, and for reasons you can’t even put your finger on. But what if we only have a certain portion of those people we meet in our lives as long as it lasts. I know Alec’s that for you. I know how shit you felt when he enlisted and you knew he was going to be away for a long time. All those people who have found their soul mates, they make it look amazing. But I don’t think they’re just making it look so. I think it actually is, and that’s got to be incredible. Worth doing what it takes to keep it. If you were both in Sydney indefinitely, where do you think you would be up to with him?”
Kade definitely thought a hell of a lot about how Alec and his brothers all ended up in New York, of all places. Not just the fact they all settled there, but that they forged pretty incredible lives, surrounded by incredible people. Mark and James had kids, Sam had found love again and was thinking of giving the starting a family thing another chance when he thought all hope was lost. They were living and happy, even if they were far away from their home. A home that would always be home, there was no doubt about that. “I’ve felt like puking myself a few times since Alec came back into my life. I spent practically the whole night puking after Justin’s rescue. Alec was there with me while I tried to deal with the shock of realising it was Mark’s kid. At the time it all happened, I didn’t even know. I knew who Justin was, but I was so focused on trying to bring him back that I didn’t realise it was him. It was the worse day and night of my life. The way I dealt with Alec coming back was just to pretend like no time had passed and we fell back into whatever we did before. We never labelled it or analysed it. Which is odd in itself, because Alec subconsciously analyses everything. He’s a therapist, it’s how his mind works. But I just can’t seem to take the leap. I don’t even really know why. Scared it won’t work out, maybe. But I also don’t want to leave you high and dry. Even though you’ve not been around for the better part of a year, travelling the world. Which is awesome and I’m so proud of you. It’s also why I’m terrified you’re not going to cope with this pregnancy thing, and it’s why you’re my priority for now. I can sort my shit out any time.”
“We can sort both our shit out at the same time, you know. It’s communal shit. Family shit. And it’s in New York.” Keegan sighed and met Kade’s gaze again. To give himself something to do with his hands, he folded over one of the sick bags, trying to use it as a buffer to figure out how he was feeling. It was beyond confused and scared. It was a knotted up gut and a sore neck and head from tension. He wanted to crawl into bed and sleep for a week. Jetlag always bit him in the arse. And they were going to be staying at Alec’s place, which was an apartment in the same building as Mark and his family… included a pregnant Amarlie. “It’s always going to work out with you and Alec. You just fit. Even if it doesn’t end up a relationship or romance, you’re always going to be best friends. It doesn’t even matter that you had this massive gap of time where you were out of touch. The thing with Justin happened and you were drawn into Alec’s world again, and he into yours. It was a horrible tragedy to happen, but that sort of thing is what are the tests, right? Those life tests we all have to face. That’s what we’re both trying to do here. Figure out how to make it through the test. Just… promise me you’ll look at this time with Alec as a test drive for taking the plunge to stay there? I’ll be fine, you know. I’ll miss you like crazy, but we’ll visit. I can come over in semester breaks. You need to be happy Kade. Can I… um… don’t take this the wrong way, but have you talked out what you went through with Justin’s rescue? To anyone? Because that sort of stuff, it’s like PTSD, you know. If you haven’t been able to talk about it, maybe that’s a thing? Like… you’re scared to be near Justin again because it drags up all the memories and reminds you how close you nearly came to losing Alec’s nephew. Because you knew deep down you still loved him and never stopped. Maybe Alec’s who you need to talk it out with. Or even Justin. I bet he knows how important it is to talk shit out. Do you think he does? With Sasha and family? His friends? Because, you should be able to have that too.”
Kade frowned hearing Keegan put it like that. PTSD? That’s what Justin had. It was what the people Alec worked with had. It wasn’t something someone like he ended up having, was it? He had a great life. His parents made sure he and Keegan had everything they needed, and most of what they wanted, unless they were being spoiled brats about it, in which case, they would have better chances of turning into a Gremlin at will. Alec had tried to talk to him about the whole thing but he kept telling him he was fine, because he thought he was… as long as he didn’t keep rehashing it. This was the first he thought that might actually be an issue. Or that it might be something blocking him figuring out what he should do with his future with Alec. Soon, he nodded slowly and cleared his throat. “Yeah. Yeah, he does. A lot, from what I hear. Mostly with his dad and Sasha, but I know he’s also close to his other family and friends. He says a lot how many of them helped save his life. That’s not even an exaggeration. When he’s well, he’s has all the time in the world for talking to people, but when he’s not, I think he struggles. Understandably so. I was so sure we’d lost him that day. When I got the call that he had woken up in the hospital and pulled through, it just felt like that was all that mattered. It didn’t matter how hard the shit surrounding it was. I think if I knew in advance that he was Alec’s nephew, I would’ve fucked it all up. I would’ve tried too hard… I don’t know. I guess I worried on some level too that if I was around in Alec’s life as his lover, it might be a constant bad reminder for Justin of Bondi. Or maybe it’s the other way around…”
Keegan nodded and then it was his turn to make with the brother mojo. He turned in his seat a little and gave Kade a hug. Even if Kade didn’t say it, he knew he needed one. “You know, so maybe you’ll drag bad memories up for each other, but you both have people around who love you to help you through it. And, like, if it all works out really well, mate, you’d pretty much be another uncle for Justin. Forget the part where I got his sister pregnant for a moment and might be about to make you a biological uncle, but you know what all the Campbell brothers do like bosses? Make uncling look awesome. See, I know if we took the whole Bondi awful day out of the equation, you would having a ball with Justin and being with Alec. I know you would. You’d probably be living in New York by now, not sticking at Bondi, trying to wrack up more and more successful rescues to try to make up for the one that keeps haunting you, that you think you nearly failed with. And you think that because it happened at all on your watch. You think you should’ve been able to stop him before he got to the point where he actually drowned and nearly died, don’t you?” He sat back and looked at Kade to see his reaction. He felt bad to put it out there like that but he was pretty sure now this could be where Kade was without even realising it.
“Bloody hell, Kee, I’m supposed to be helping you here.” Kade accepted the hug and patted his brother’s back. He did need it. He wouldn’t say he had been completely delusional about this whole thing because it still kept him awake some nights, but he had been burying his heads in the proverbial sand… possibly the sands of Bondi, to try to just move on from it. “I can’t even fathom being that sort of reliable source of care for Justin. I mean, his family ace it. They’re inceptional and take care of him so well, but because he’s Alec’s nephew, I’d love to get to know him more. Maybe us going to New York together turned out to be the best thing, huh? We can both battle these challenges as a team and get through it somehow. I’d like if you became friends with that group. Alec sings their praises and said they’re all a diverse bunch, different walks of life, different identities. Even if we fuck all this up gloriously, at least we’ll be surrounded by good people, huh? I think that’s what life’s all about, really.”
“It is,” Keegan agreed with a faint smile. “So, if I promise to be the best man I can possibly be with this and help Amarlie the best I can, whatever it takes, will you promise to talk to Alec about all this? And maybe Justin? Then, hey, if you talk to him, maybe you can test the waters on whether he wants to kill me or not,” he added sheepishly.
Kade laughed and ruffled his brother’s hair. “Okay, deal. Just try to remember to bloody wrap next time… even with Amarlie.”
LOG, COMPLETE