dreamlikenewyork | [ TEXT MESSAGE ] To Justin @ likefatherlikeson

Thanks, Will. That means a lot. I'm sorry if it was hard for you.

It was, but you have nothing to apologise for. It was just... closure.

Pretty final feeling, I guess. I want you to know that I understand. You're allowed to be pissed if you need to be. Life can suck sometimes when you don't understand how you're supposed to be feeling.

Very. That's not a bad thing. I'm not pissed. Not even close. At first I felt like I'd been kicked in the guts. Then I remembered that all you ever only asked me of was to be there and I wasn't. He is. It's his ring you should have on your finger, Jus. Forever.

Well, look at it this way, mate. Next time, you'll have more sorted out. A better idea of things. I was your test drive.

LOL. You were way more than my test drive, but that sounds better than my first love I threw away being a fuckface.

First love means there'll be a second, you know. I think you got over your fuckface stage pretty well.

I hope so. I want to completely eradicate the fuckfaceness first. So, you two been shagging like bunnies in celebration?

Don't be so hard on yourself. I think it's curable. No, not really. Not even close, actually.

I wish there was a shot or something. So I can hand over a test result to prove it. No? Seriously? Your meds messing with you again?

It's more rewarding discovering the change yourself, though. You should come along to some of the function in the New Year. I'm only doing a little charity work between now and the end of the year, but after that, it should be better. You might miss some folk. They do here and there. Sash being ace-spec, that's not really what we're based on.

That's what I'm realising. I'd love that. You have to take it easy? Ace-spec?

Don't overthink it. Take that advice from a mentally ill overthinker. I'm only allowed to work three shows a week and be booked for the Christmas charity concert. There's kind of a collective consensus with my care team that I need rest mentally. Call it a semi-brain hiatus. Asexual Spectrum. He's demisexual, or grey-ace.

I'm not even sure I know how to date. I only accidentally managed it with you in the early days. I think if you have a team telling you that, they must be right. It's not just what happened recently? How does that work? He only likes it sometimes?

Pretty sure all teenagers do that when they first try, mate. Or maybe everyone, even adults, are accidentally managing it and trying to pretend they know what they're doing. It's been a rough few months. I feel like I need rest. He likes it when he does it, he just doesn't always have an urge for it. Not just in a 'not in the mood' type of way. That's his natural sexuality. He's only ever felt it with me.

You might be right on that. I think Luke would agree with you and your folks too. Better than not feeling it and working yourself near death. And there some dumb fucks think it's all teenage guys have on their brains. Gotta love stereotyping.

Are you open to dating? Oh, yeah. I did that recently too. Manic episodes aren't my friend. It's definitely not all Sash or I have on our minds. Sure, some people it is and if they like it, why the hell not? But for us, some days, it's the last thing we want to do together. Other things are just as nice. Then I don't have to worry so much at the times my meds are fucking with me.

See, I don't even really know that. Maybe. I want to make sure I've got my shit sorted first, though. Have you got anything planned for your rest time? You don't do sitting still well. I miss being that close to someone, but maybe you're right. Maybe it isn't even the sex. Sex is fun, though.

Just keep your options open. You never know. I never knew what was coming for me next, I could never have seen it coming. Sleep a lot, work on some music, time with my family and friends. Don't get me wrong, we have a really healthy sex life. It's just ours, so we make it what we want it to be. A lot of people think asexuality is just hating sex, end of story. They think it's just black and white.

I'm trying this whole stripping everything back and just keeping life basic. It's helped a lot. The squad's huge now, but they've helped me see a lot. You guys going to have an engagement party? So, it's only really a thing for him with you? If not you, he wouldn't want it or feel like it? I mean, that's pretty special.

My dad's a big champion for that sort of stuff. It's how he got his life back on track. Until I rocked up in it, I guess. But it's why he wants me resting too. They're great, huh? They mean everything to me. We don't think so. At least, not right away. Maybe when we officially announce it. Sort of. He needed a really deep emotional connection to have the urges. Even then, he wasn't entirely sure if he liked it, per se.

So's Luke. Must be the Aussie blood. I don't think I'm opposed to dating, just worried I'll fuck up and hurt someone else again. How did you even know Sasha wouldn't after what I did to you? How did you trust him? They really are. Bloody hilarious too. You're not going to announce it? How come? You were his first then.

You won't. And if you did it again after being more aware now, you'd be a cunt who doesn't deserve to date anyway, so it'd work itself out. I didn't know. None of that was in my head when I met him and we became friends. I thought he was cute, but that was it. That only way it changed was spending time with him. You going okay at school? Not, publicly yet. We just want privacy with it. Family and friends only. Yeah, I was. It wasn't for a few months, though.

I'll probably spend the next 5 years talking myself out of any potential dates. How did you learn to let him in, though? You were in such a bad way with everything when you met him. Give me some tips. Oh, yeah. School's great. I'm behind, but catching up pretty quickly. That makes sense. You don't need to share it with the crazy fans. I'm glad he gets you, mate. Especially all the parts you need him to.

Sounds like a lot of years to waste. Spent time with him, realised I wanted to keep spending time with him. It was really as simple as that. You can achieve a lot with time. Well, mate, you can't be as behind as I am, so don't beat yourself up. He doesn't just get me, he wants to hold me when I need it the most. That's really all it's about.

[ TEXT MESSAGE ] To Justin @ likefatherlikeson

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject