Kyan George Wilson (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
intothegroove) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
dreamlikenewyork2017-10-06 11:30 pm
intothegroove) wrote in dreamlikenewyork2017-10-06 11:30 pm
"Well, here I am, my honey c'mon baby, cry to me."
Who: Kyan Wilson and Reecy Chester
What: Obstacles and Set-Backs
Where: Cloves Lake Park, Staten Island
When: Friday
Kyan ran out onto the sidewalk, trying to see beyond the chaos of heads darting here and there during the lunch hour. “Reecy!” he called out, trying to spot her. His height should rightfully help him spot her, but she was short and he really wished today was one of those times she wore one of her cute little fashionable hats. He really needed to find her because she was so upset and he was worried that his mere presence in her life had now destroyed everything for her. She hadn’t gotten too far. Enough away from the building’s entrance so she wouldn’t be judged, but he could see she was crying. There was no way she wouldn’t be. He ran over to her and as soon as he was at her side, wrapped his arm around her and kissed her head. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, sweetheart…”
Reecy wasn’t angry at him or upset with his presence in her life. There was nothing more further from the truth. He had actually made her happy again, when she had given up on finding it in the life she had been living. All along, right there under her nose (even if he was about a foot taller than her), he had been there. He had been her best friend for many months now and because of their situations, had noticed it may be more than friendship some day. When the feelings made themselves known, they hadn’t denied it. It had been born of some very difficult and emotional times, and in many ways, that was what brought them together.
She had thought the test would be them working together. She had signed the contracts to join Dirty Dancing before they entered a romantic relationship. She had been nervous as all fuck it would come between them and their friendship would suffer as a result. Her anxiety shelved the fact Kyan was the most sweetest guy to ever walk the earth, and it turned out, they worked even better together now than they had on Footloose. They had incredible chemistry and laughed their way through it. That was what it was all about. They managed to bring a lot to the production as a team but still maintained their professionalism because they had been raised with great work ethic.
It was today that blindsided her. The problem was that she knew how amazing Kyan was, how beautiful he was, how big his heart was, that he wouldn’t hurt a living soul, and anyone would be safe in his presence. The problem was, the adoption service didn’t and they couldn’t just take her word for it. The meeting with the adoption service that morning hadn’t gone well. Not in a sense that there was a glitch in the process, but that Reecy wanting Kyan now included meant he would have to go through the application process himself right from the start, ultimately prolonging the entire thing and stalling the baby’s placement. Which meant that she may be given to someone else if a suitable candidate presented with everything ready to go. They made it clear if they had come into this as a married couple, it would have gone a little easier. She didn’t need her face rubbed in it… especially not when she was trying to control herself and not punch something out of frustration of them not just understanding how amazing Kyan was and any baby in care of the services would be protected with his life if they gave him the green light. He hadn’t come into this decision lightly. Why couldn’t they see it?!
That was what had her bursting into tears as soon as she got outside. The adoption process had already been stressful for her. Even more going through it as a single chick against the odds. Now she wasn’t single and she had been so convinced that would be a plus in the situation. Instead, it caused a massive glitch and Kyan had still agreed to commence the process. He lingered behind and collect the application package, which felt like almost a full ream of paper lodged under his arm that she became aware of it when she hugged him so tight, clinging to him like she was terrified this would cause him to run screaming into the night without looking back. She was a bawling snotty mess and all she could do was bury her face in his chest and cry. Everything else felt too hard, especially knowing there was a tiny little girl out there somewhere with no one to love her, who had been through hell. All Reecy wanted to do was love her.
“Let’s get out of here for awhile. We can go somewhere out of the city and talk about it. It’s okay. We’re going to figure it out,” Kyan promised her, rubbing her back. Today was one of those days Kyan was glad he owned a car. He and Trey shared it mostly, but Trey lived so close to his office that he hardly used it. Kyan tended to either walk to work or jump in a cab, but days like this, where you just had to get out of the city and escape for a little bit, it was perfect.
They didn’t have a destination. They didn’t need one. Just… away. Anywhere away where they could hear themselves think and not feel trapped. All the papers from the adoption pack now sat on the backseat of the car, parked in the parking lot in the distance from where they had driven to Cloves Lake Park in Staten Island. Sometimes, the city could feel claustrophobic with all his concrete hoards of bodies, and noise. It was impossible to think straight. The whole trip, he was worrying about Reecy, but he wasn’t going to tell her to stop crying. Sometimes, crying really helped and she was upset about the set-back. He felt out of his depth with the process here, but not the situation. Not with Reecy. Not with the choices they had made together.
Now, in the park that had green and fresh air, and wasn’t clogged with people, he was spreading his jacket out on the grass so they had something to sit on. He helped her sit with him and then cuddled up to her, holding her. Maybe that was all he could offer, and fuck it, he was going to give her as much of it as she needed. “II didn’t realise trying to get me involved in the process would prolong it even more. Maybe we should just hold off on moving in together until everything’s sorted, and then think about that once it’s all done? There’s an ice cream over there. You want ice cream? I know your favourite. Ice cream’s good when everything’s shit, right?” He didn’t wait either way, because he just needed to do something to help her. Nothing would be enough, but ice cream couldn’t make it worse. That much he knew, because ice cream was what his mom would give them whenever they were upset.
Reecy watched his bound the short distance across the park to where the ice cream van was parked. Even just in that tiny little gesture, she knew what her answer to his question was. Not the one about ice cream. If anything, that made her even more sure. She had her clasped hands hugged to her chest while she watched him. All she wanted to do was be curled up with him in bed and pretending the world didn’t exist for awhile. That wouldn’t take any of the issues away, though. She was so sure she was teetering on the edge of an awful choice to make, and she didn’t want to do it. Or she was terrified if they did, it would be the wrong decision no matter what they decided. What was screaming obvious to her was no matter what confused route her mind was taking right now, the common denominator was ‘they’. No longer did she think of herself as a single unit anymore.
When Kyan came back with the ice cream, Reecy looked up at him, feeling herself getting teary again. “I’m not putting us off for anything. You make me happy. You’re everything to me. I’ve waited so fucking long for something that just feels right in my life, that I don’t have to fight, that I don’t have to cut myself open and bleed to pull it off. And that’s you. Maybe we’re, like, the most mismatched couple in the whole world but I think that’s why we work. And I… I’m so terrified I’m about to lose you over all this. I think I need to just shelve the adoption. There’s loads of time for that. When I started all this, I was confused about my life and searching. That felt right. Now I don’t know what’s right anymore.”
“You’re not going to lose me. We’re not going to lose each other.” Kyan sat down again and handed her the rocky road ice cream, giving her a smile. “We’ve both survived through worse shit than this and we’ve lost enough to know we’re not just going to let it go because things are complicated and difficult. And because of that, I’m not going to let you make any rash decisions. We might not have been together when all this started for you, but I was still your friend. I knew the yearning you had for it and it had nothing to do with wanting to be a mom. It was about wanting to help a baby like Justin, who had a difficult life, have all the love they could ever possibly want. It was about knowing you could do that and you were ready for it. You can’t just shelve that. This is what you’re meant for, sweetheart. This is not a trapdoor of doom where one of us will fall down and disappear forever. It’s not an end. It’s a beginning… with a massive stumbling block, but it’s not impossible to find a solution.”
Reecy dropped her head to his shoulder with a sigh. “It feels pretty fucking impossible right now. But… you’re right. That’s exactly why I wanted to do it. It’s funny because things have been so crazy lately that I haven’t spent much time with him so maybe I’ve forgotten. Not that I think that’s possible, but I miss him. He’s a kid and he’s so much smarter than me. Always knows the right things to say. Me? I fuck up what I should say at least three times a week. I let my milk go off at least every other carton I buy, and I hate ironing with a vengeance. Does… does a kid like Justin really need a mom like me? Maybe all this is a sign that there’s someone better out there to care for her?”
Kyan put his ice cream cup down on his jacket so he could wrap his arms around Reecy again. He gave her a kiss and swept her hair back from her face. “Well, sure. That’s one possible scenario. But maybe all this is a sign that we’re actually on the right track together and she’s in good hands because they want to do everything above board and by the book. And maybe it’s a sign that, well… we should think about getting married to help the process along,” he murmured.
Reecy nearly dropped her ice cream all over her lap. She had no idea where their chat would eventually go and doubted it could resolve anything, but this definitely wasn’t a destination she was expecting to end up. She gasped, hand flying up to her mouth. She stared at him, eyes wide and feeling like her brain was incapable of processing something like this. Was that even what he just said? Had she misheard? She had to have misheard. The situation they were in, this wasn’t something she would have thought would come up for a very long time. Both their love lives had taken a battering and neither of them had left with much confidence in love. So, what was this? This was Kyan not being Kyan. He was usually such a traditional guy. She had witnessed his first marriage proposal, how he put his whole heart and soul into it, because his whole heart and soul had been in the relationship. Only to have it crash and burn. Her own love life had been shitty for ages, stop starts, uncertainty, self-loathing, pretty convinced she didn’t deserve the sort of love Kyan believed in because no matter what happened or what she did, it never came to her. Even when she got close to having it - with Craig - she sabotaged it because she didn’t know how to let herself be happy. She wasn’t going to make the same mistake. She didn’t want to sabotage anything with Kyan. He was too special. She never wanted to lose him. “What?” she finally whispered, because it wasn’t going to absorb. It didn’t feel real.
Kyan took Reecy’s hand from her mouth and gentle kissed her palm. “Don’t freak out entirely yet. I’m not saying we should. I’m not even saying it’s a viable option. But I think considering everything, it’s something we should think about, right? Let’s just address the elephant in the room right up… I spent months of my life thinking I was going to get married. That’s not something that scares me. It just turns out I was planning with the wrong person. You can feel in life like you have everything right, but really, it’s all wrong and it ends up hurting you. So, maybe when it’s all going wrong, it’s actually a crossroads on the right path. I know this is… nuts. It’s completely nuts. But I’m not letting you step back to go this alone. And I’m not letting you give it up for me. I think this is exactly where we’re both meant to be, sweetheart. I really do. I feel it in my heart. Everything else, it was just shit in the way until we got here.”
Reecy grabbed his face between her hands and gave him a kiss that could well be bruising from the intensity of it. This was all she ever wanted! It was all she ever asked. For someone to step up with her and say ‘We got this’. She didn’t have words to respond with at first because she was so overwhelmed with emotion. Not because she knew either way what her answer was about whether they should think about this or not. Just because in that very moment, she was pretty sure she hadn’t loved anyone as hard as she loved Kyan. The look on his face, the beauty in his words, the truth in his voice. None of it was lost on her. The fact he was even suggesting they think about it was incredible. She was so fucking emotional about this whole process. It was the hardest thing she ever had to do. “I don’t know what the answer is but I don’t know how lucky I am that all the shit hit the fan and I ended up with you. How the hell did that happen? I… I expected to have to be going this alone. That’s why I lost my shit back there. I wasn’t prepared enough for them to say there would be that many hurdles. I should have been. Fuck, I hate blindsiding myself. I just… really? Are you seriously suggesting this as a possible option?”
“I just don’t see it as a bad option,” Kyan said with a laugh, shrugging. “I know the enormity of it and I know what it means, but we’re talking about adopting a baby girl here. One who really needs a loving home and a safe place to be cared for. I think the whole marriage thing sort of pales in comparison to a step like that. Not that I, like, agree with quickie weddings and stuff. I don’t want to be doing it just for the same of it, to tick a box on a bureaucracy-laden form that a tree had to die to produce. If we were going to think about it, I still want to do it the right way. Have it mean the same things. Do it for all the other reasons too. Just… you know, the whole package. Not that I have anything wrong with the quickie wedding thing, if that’s what people need to do. I’m not judging that, it has its place. I don’t want that to be just what it is for us. I still want to be able to look back on it and feel all those special things. I want it to be something my mom would’ve been so proud to be there for. She would’ve adored you, you know. Every single thing about you. You’re a lot like her when she was younger. Just so… carefree. Wouldn’t take any shit. Could love with a force so strong, it was like a superpower. She wanted to be a dancer. That’s where I got it from.”
Reecy gave him a smile and she always found herself getting teary when Kyan talked about his mom now. She had learned so much about her when they were in Denver and now wished she had the chance to have met her, even just once, to promise her she would take care of her boy unconditionally. “There is no nicer compliment anyone could ever give me, you know.” She took Kyan’s hand again, loving how his was so much bigger than hers. His long fingers felt like a hug around hers. She especially loved when she woke up in the mornings to him spooning her, holding her hand tucked in against her chest. “What happened to your dad? You never mention him.”
“I don’t know a whole lot myself, to be honest. I never knew him. Only of him. Mom never spoke bad of him and she could be pretty fiery when she was pissed off with someone. Like you,” Kyan had to add, laughing. “Trey and I were conceived through IVF after they couldn’t get pregnant naturally. It took a long time before we came along and I guess it was really stressful. I’m not sure, I’ve not been through anything like that, but the failure had to be tough. My dad had anxiety issues and apparently when we came along, two for one deal, it was a lot more for him to cope with than he could handle. The marriage broke down and he left, so Mom resolved that she could do it on her own, whatever it took. I think if none of this was true, she would have told me during her last days. She spoke a lot of truth in that time. She always said if we wanted to find him, we could. She wouldn’t stand in our way. We never did. I always felt like I would be betraying her and all she did for us if I tried. There were never strong urges. I think what makes a parent is how much you fight to be in your child’s life, no matter whether they’re yours biologically or how they came to be yours. That’s why I know you could do this on your own, 100%. I thought you could from the moment you told me you wanted to do it, but now I’ve fallen in love with you and I can’t dream of leaving you to go it alone.”
Reecy rested her lips upon his shoulder, kissing him through his shirt. The ice cream was forgotten about by both of them, melting in the sun. All she wanted to do was cuddle him and hold him close. More than ever right now, she was feeling those urges. Like she wanted to get as close as she could be and feel his secure warmth. It still took her breath away that this had turned into a thing. But what an amazing thing. She knew it was real. She knew they had what it took to go the distance. “Be honest with me? I know I don’t actually need to request that because you always are, but humour me this once. Have you ever thought about wanting to be a dad before all this? Did you ever think about wanting kids of your own? How would you feel if I was never sure I wanted to risk another pregnancy?”
“I know you don’t. I was one of the first people you told when you made the choice. Sweetie, I don’t think every woman on the face of the earth should have to feel like they need to get pregnant and give birth to their own kids. I really don’t. I never have. It’s never even been a given for me, so I guess when I say that, I’ll admit, I never seriously contemplated it. Not directly, not head-on, but that was because I wasn’t in a place in my life yet to need to. In general, though, I guess I always hoped I’d one day have the option. Not to have kids of my own, per se, but to be a dad. Hell, I don’t even know how I’ll be with it. I wonder a lot lately. What kind of dad I could make and if I’d be any good. I’ve been catching myself staring at the other dads around us like case studies, they must think I have a problem. Your dad, Sawyer, Mark, Euan. Hell, even Clint. If Clint can do it, I’m pretty sure I have a good stab in the right direction.” Kyan brushed her hair back and kissed her forehead. “I know what you’re asking. I can read between the lines. I won’t offer false bravado and say I’m ready and can it. I’m not. But I know you’re not really either, but you still want to do it. I actually feel like this is one of the most beautiful decisions anyone can make, especially someone like you. Because you’re never going to let her suffer. She’ll never want for anything. I know I can’t wait to see you with her. Promise we should just think about this as an option?” He held his pinkie up to, prepare to swear the promise.
“Reecy! Oh my god, I love you! Gemma, it’s Baby! O M G!” The squealed cry distracted Reecy from accepting the pinkie promise and she shielded her eyes from the sun in time to see a couple of teenagers rushing them across the park. Shit, she had no idea how Justin handled the squeals up in his face whenever he let himself be recognised in public. These days, since Sasha’s incoming to his life, he was more careful about using bandanas, sunglasses and hoodies so he had some privacy. Much like Reecy wished she had in this important moment. But they were adorable, probably all of fifteen, give or take. But you never could quite tell with kids these days, some of them dressed like 40 year old hookers, wanting to be old way before their time. “Can I take a selfie please?!” Beside this girl stood who must be Gemma, now standing there as red as a tomato goofy grin as she stared at Kyan with heart eyes, giggling. Reecy couldn’t really blame her for that, she had the same reaction every time she saw his dick. Like his height, his dick was extremely impressive. Something she would not be sharing with the fangirls.
“Of course you can, cuite pie. What’s your name?” Reecy asked, standing up from Kyan’s jacket and forcing up her typical showbiz smile. She hoped there were no evidence left of tears that were going to record themselves in this girl’s selfie. “You like the show then, huh?”
“Emmy! It’s, like, my second favourite after Footloose! I’ve seen it seven times with my mom!” Emmy squealed and it did hit Reecy pretty hard, her name. The little girl stuck in the adoption pipeline was called Emmeline Willow, so this somehow felt like a kismet encounter, even if that wasn’t this girl’s full name. Reecy still caught herself sharing a glance with Kyan.
Kyan smiled up at her. He knew the significance of the connection. The name was etched in his mind that day, having gone over incredible amounts of information about the baby girl that morning. He saw the recognition clock on Reecy’s face and it was sweet. These two fangirls were sweet too, though he wasn’t quite sure about how the second one was gawping at him. So, he just gave her a polite smile too, along with a little wave. Reecy had a natural way with fans like Justin did, but Kyan was still a shy introvert. He had been trained in how, he had been getting more and more used to the spotlight, but this stuff still made him feel like a fish out of water. What he did love was seeing Reecy in her element, so sweet and kind with these young girls. She didn’t just take one selfie, she let them take a few, being silly in them with the girls, pulling faces, sticking her tongue out. Then she signed something for them with a purple Sharpie Gemma whipped out of her handbag.
Content and proud of their ‘fan encounter’ the girls soon ran off squealing, both on their phones and probably posting it to Facebook, Twitter and every other social media platform in current circulation. Reecy wasn’t at all surprised that the parting conversation consisted of them asking about Justin, fangirling about his catwalk debut and asking her to give him a hug for them. “Damn, I get fans and my baby brother still outshines me. What’s a bitch got to do to get some of the spotlight around here?” she joked, grinning. She had perked up a little now, despite the bawling mess she had been earlier.
Kyan stood up and wrapped her in his arms, giving her a kiss. “She’s the only bitch in my spotlight. If that counts,” he murmured, gazing intently at her. Again, he held up his pinkie to her. “What do you say? Those girls were a pretty timely reminder of why you wanted to do this, remember? That little brother who made you want to take care of a little person just like him who needed it so damn much. If we can pull off chemistry on stage and even have fans, we can manage it off stage too. I know we can. In our way, whatever that is. We get to figure it out together. Or we could just, you know, tear each other’s clothes off and forget this shit they call life.”
Reecy tipped her head, giving him a wicked smirk. “Oh, you’re making me choose? That’s a fucking impossible choice. Mean. There I was thinking you were all sweet and innocent. Inside, you’re actually spawn of Voldemort, aren’t you?” She put her hand up, brushing her fingers close to his without letting their pinkies connect just yet. “Can I be a greedy bitch and want both? Just tear each other’s clothes off and forget for a little while? We’ve got a few hours before we’re due at work. You know, a little rehearsal for some method-acting and all that…”
“Method acting? Oh, that’s what we’re calling it now, is it?” Kyan laughed. He stole a quick kiss at first, but his lips couldn’t stop at one. Soon, he was kissing her deeply, hungrily. That was one of the first things he realised with Reecy once things pushed over from friendship into romance… her kisses were passionate, like her whole heart and soul were driving them. When he had her in his arms like this, he never failed to feel that passion all over again. “My dick doesn’t need any method acting,” he added, whispering against her lips.
Reecy picked the kiss right back up where he broke it to say those words. Whilst she in the embrace, she felt out his hand and gentle, but with determination, hooked her pinkie in his, giving it a firm tug. She parted their lips to kiss over his cheek and then into his ear, she murmured. “Together.”
LOG, COMPLETE
What: Obstacles and Set-Backs
Where: Cloves Lake Park, Staten Island
When: Friday
Kyan ran out onto the sidewalk, trying to see beyond the chaos of heads darting here and there during the lunch hour. “Reecy!” he called out, trying to spot her. His height should rightfully help him spot her, but she was short and he really wished today was one of those times she wore one of her cute little fashionable hats. He really needed to find her because she was so upset and he was worried that his mere presence in her life had now destroyed everything for her. She hadn’t gotten too far. Enough away from the building’s entrance so she wouldn’t be judged, but he could see she was crying. There was no way she wouldn’t be. He ran over to her and as soon as he was at her side, wrapped his arm around her and kissed her head. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, sweetheart…”
Reecy wasn’t angry at him or upset with his presence in her life. There was nothing more further from the truth. He had actually made her happy again, when she had given up on finding it in the life she had been living. All along, right there under her nose (even if he was about a foot taller than her), he had been there. He had been her best friend for many months now and because of their situations, had noticed it may be more than friendship some day. When the feelings made themselves known, they hadn’t denied it. It had been born of some very difficult and emotional times, and in many ways, that was what brought them together.
She had thought the test would be them working together. She had signed the contracts to join Dirty Dancing before they entered a romantic relationship. She had been nervous as all fuck it would come between them and their friendship would suffer as a result. Her anxiety shelved the fact Kyan was the most sweetest guy to ever walk the earth, and it turned out, they worked even better together now than they had on Footloose. They had incredible chemistry and laughed their way through it. That was what it was all about. They managed to bring a lot to the production as a team but still maintained their professionalism because they had been raised with great work ethic.
It was today that blindsided her. The problem was that she knew how amazing Kyan was, how beautiful he was, how big his heart was, that he wouldn’t hurt a living soul, and anyone would be safe in his presence. The problem was, the adoption service didn’t and they couldn’t just take her word for it. The meeting with the adoption service that morning hadn’t gone well. Not in a sense that there was a glitch in the process, but that Reecy wanting Kyan now included meant he would have to go through the application process himself right from the start, ultimately prolonging the entire thing and stalling the baby’s placement. Which meant that she may be given to someone else if a suitable candidate presented with everything ready to go. They made it clear if they had come into this as a married couple, it would have gone a little easier. She didn’t need her face rubbed in it… especially not when she was trying to control herself and not punch something out of frustration of them not just understanding how amazing Kyan was and any baby in care of the services would be protected with his life if they gave him the green light. He hadn’t come into this decision lightly. Why couldn’t they see it?!
That was what had her bursting into tears as soon as she got outside. The adoption process had already been stressful for her. Even more going through it as a single chick against the odds. Now she wasn’t single and she had been so convinced that would be a plus in the situation. Instead, it caused a massive glitch and Kyan had still agreed to commence the process. He lingered behind and collect the application package, which felt like almost a full ream of paper lodged under his arm that she became aware of it when she hugged him so tight, clinging to him like she was terrified this would cause him to run screaming into the night without looking back. She was a bawling snotty mess and all she could do was bury her face in his chest and cry. Everything else felt too hard, especially knowing there was a tiny little girl out there somewhere with no one to love her, who had been through hell. All Reecy wanted to do was love her.
“Let’s get out of here for awhile. We can go somewhere out of the city and talk about it. It’s okay. We’re going to figure it out,” Kyan promised her, rubbing her back. Today was one of those days Kyan was glad he owned a car. He and Trey shared it mostly, but Trey lived so close to his office that he hardly used it. Kyan tended to either walk to work or jump in a cab, but days like this, where you just had to get out of the city and escape for a little bit, it was perfect.
They didn’t have a destination. They didn’t need one. Just… away. Anywhere away where they could hear themselves think and not feel trapped. All the papers from the adoption pack now sat on the backseat of the car, parked in the parking lot in the distance from where they had driven to Cloves Lake Park in Staten Island. Sometimes, the city could feel claustrophobic with all his concrete hoards of bodies, and noise. It was impossible to think straight. The whole trip, he was worrying about Reecy, but he wasn’t going to tell her to stop crying. Sometimes, crying really helped and she was upset about the set-back. He felt out of his depth with the process here, but not the situation. Not with Reecy. Not with the choices they had made together.
Now, in the park that had green and fresh air, and wasn’t clogged with people, he was spreading his jacket out on the grass so they had something to sit on. He helped her sit with him and then cuddled up to her, holding her. Maybe that was all he could offer, and fuck it, he was going to give her as much of it as she needed. “II didn’t realise trying to get me involved in the process would prolong it even more. Maybe we should just hold off on moving in together until everything’s sorted, and then think about that once it’s all done? There’s an ice cream over there. You want ice cream? I know your favourite. Ice cream’s good when everything’s shit, right?” He didn’t wait either way, because he just needed to do something to help her. Nothing would be enough, but ice cream couldn’t make it worse. That much he knew, because ice cream was what his mom would give them whenever they were upset.
Reecy watched his bound the short distance across the park to where the ice cream van was parked. Even just in that tiny little gesture, she knew what her answer to his question was. Not the one about ice cream. If anything, that made her even more sure. She had her clasped hands hugged to her chest while she watched him. All she wanted to do was be curled up with him in bed and pretending the world didn’t exist for awhile. That wouldn’t take any of the issues away, though. She was so sure she was teetering on the edge of an awful choice to make, and she didn’t want to do it. Or she was terrified if they did, it would be the wrong decision no matter what they decided. What was screaming obvious to her was no matter what confused route her mind was taking right now, the common denominator was ‘they’. No longer did she think of herself as a single unit anymore.
When Kyan came back with the ice cream, Reecy looked up at him, feeling herself getting teary again. “I’m not putting us off for anything. You make me happy. You’re everything to me. I’ve waited so fucking long for something that just feels right in my life, that I don’t have to fight, that I don’t have to cut myself open and bleed to pull it off. And that’s you. Maybe we’re, like, the most mismatched couple in the whole world but I think that’s why we work. And I… I’m so terrified I’m about to lose you over all this. I think I need to just shelve the adoption. There’s loads of time for that. When I started all this, I was confused about my life and searching. That felt right. Now I don’t know what’s right anymore.”
“You’re not going to lose me. We’re not going to lose each other.” Kyan sat down again and handed her the rocky road ice cream, giving her a smile. “We’ve both survived through worse shit than this and we’ve lost enough to know we’re not just going to let it go because things are complicated and difficult. And because of that, I’m not going to let you make any rash decisions. We might not have been together when all this started for you, but I was still your friend. I knew the yearning you had for it and it had nothing to do with wanting to be a mom. It was about wanting to help a baby like Justin, who had a difficult life, have all the love they could ever possibly want. It was about knowing you could do that and you were ready for it. You can’t just shelve that. This is what you’re meant for, sweetheart. This is not a trapdoor of doom where one of us will fall down and disappear forever. It’s not an end. It’s a beginning… with a massive stumbling block, but it’s not impossible to find a solution.”
Reecy dropped her head to his shoulder with a sigh. “It feels pretty fucking impossible right now. But… you’re right. That’s exactly why I wanted to do it. It’s funny because things have been so crazy lately that I haven’t spent much time with him so maybe I’ve forgotten. Not that I think that’s possible, but I miss him. He’s a kid and he’s so much smarter than me. Always knows the right things to say. Me? I fuck up what I should say at least three times a week. I let my milk go off at least every other carton I buy, and I hate ironing with a vengeance. Does… does a kid like Justin really need a mom like me? Maybe all this is a sign that there’s someone better out there to care for her?”
Kyan put his ice cream cup down on his jacket so he could wrap his arms around Reecy again. He gave her a kiss and swept her hair back from her face. “Well, sure. That’s one possible scenario. But maybe all this is a sign that we’re actually on the right track together and she’s in good hands because they want to do everything above board and by the book. And maybe it’s a sign that, well… we should think about getting married to help the process along,” he murmured.
Reecy nearly dropped her ice cream all over her lap. She had no idea where their chat would eventually go and doubted it could resolve anything, but this definitely wasn’t a destination she was expecting to end up. She gasped, hand flying up to her mouth. She stared at him, eyes wide and feeling like her brain was incapable of processing something like this. Was that even what he just said? Had she misheard? She had to have misheard. The situation they were in, this wasn’t something she would have thought would come up for a very long time. Both their love lives had taken a battering and neither of them had left with much confidence in love. So, what was this? This was Kyan not being Kyan. He was usually such a traditional guy. She had witnessed his first marriage proposal, how he put his whole heart and soul into it, because his whole heart and soul had been in the relationship. Only to have it crash and burn. Her own love life had been shitty for ages, stop starts, uncertainty, self-loathing, pretty convinced she didn’t deserve the sort of love Kyan believed in because no matter what happened or what she did, it never came to her. Even when she got close to having it - with Craig - she sabotaged it because she didn’t know how to let herself be happy. She wasn’t going to make the same mistake. She didn’t want to sabotage anything with Kyan. He was too special. She never wanted to lose him. “What?” she finally whispered, because it wasn’t going to absorb. It didn’t feel real.
Kyan took Reecy’s hand from her mouth and gentle kissed her palm. “Don’t freak out entirely yet. I’m not saying we should. I’m not even saying it’s a viable option. But I think considering everything, it’s something we should think about, right? Let’s just address the elephant in the room right up… I spent months of my life thinking I was going to get married. That’s not something that scares me. It just turns out I was planning with the wrong person. You can feel in life like you have everything right, but really, it’s all wrong and it ends up hurting you. So, maybe when it’s all going wrong, it’s actually a crossroads on the right path. I know this is… nuts. It’s completely nuts. But I’m not letting you step back to go this alone. And I’m not letting you give it up for me. I think this is exactly where we’re both meant to be, sweetheart. I really do. I feel it in my heart. Everything else, it was just shit in the way until we got here.”
Reecy grabbed his face between her hands and gave him a kiss that could well be bruising from the intensity of it. This was all she ever wanted! It was all she ever asked. For someone to step up with her and say ‘We got this’. She didn’t have words to respond with at first because she was so overwhelmed with emotion. Not because she knew either way what her answer was about whether they should think about this or not. Just because in that very moment, she was pretty sure she hadn’t loved anyone as hard as she loved Kyan. The look on his face, the beauty in his words, the truth in his voice. None of it was lost on her. The fact he was even suggesting they think about it was incredible. She was so fucking emotional about this whole process. It was the hardest thing she ever had to do. “I don’t know what the answer is but I don’t know how lucky I am that all the shit hit the fan and I ended up with you. How the hell did that happen? I… I expected to have to be going this alone. That’s why I lost my shit back there. I wasn’t prepared enough for them to say there would be that many hurdles. I should have been. Fuck, I hate blindsiding myself. I just… really? Are you seriously suggesting this as a possible option?”
“I just don’t see it as a bad option,” Kyan said with a laugh, shrugging. “I know the enormity of it and I know what it means, but we’re talking about adopting a baby girl here. One who really needs a loving home and a safe place to be cared for. I think the whole marriage thing sort of pales in comparison to a step like that. Not that I, like, agree with quickie weddings and stuff. I don’t want to be doing it just for the same of it, to tick a box on a bureaucracy-laden form that a tree had to die to produce. If we were going to think about it, I still want to do it the right way. Have it mean the same things. Do it for all the other reasons too. Just… you know, the whole package. Not that I have anything wrong with the quickie wedding thing, if that’s what people need to do. I’m not judging that, it has its place. I don’t want that to be just what it is for us. I still want to be able to look back on it and feel all those special things. I want it to be something my mom would’ve been so proud to be there for. She would’ve adored you, you know. Every single thing about you. You’re a lot like her when she was younger. Just so… carefree. Wouldn’t take any shit. Could love with a force so strong, it was like a superpower. She wanted to be a dancer. That’s where I got it from.”
Reecy gave him a smile and she always found herself getting teary when Kyan talked about his mom now. She had learned so much about her when they were in Denver and now wished she had the chance to have met her, even just once, to promise her she would take care of her boy unconditionally. “There is no nicer compliment anyone could ever give me, you know.” She took Kyan’s hand again, loving how his was so much bigger than hers. His long fingers felt like a hug around hers. She especially loved when she woke up in the mornings to him spooning her, holding her hand tucked in against her chest. “What happened to your dad? You never mention him.”
“I don’t know a whole lot myself, to be honest. I never knew him. Only of him. Mom never spoke bad of him and she could be pretty fiery when she was pissed off with someone. Like you,” Kyan had to add, laughing. “Trey and I were conceived through IVF after they couldn’t get pregnant naturally. It took a long time before we came along and I guess it was really stressful. I’m not sure, I’ve not been through anything like that, but the failure had to be tough. My dad had anxiety issues and apparently when we came along, two for one deal, it was a lot more for him to cope with than he could handle. The marriage broke down and he left, so Mom resolved that she could do it on her own, whatever it took. I think if none of this was true, she would have told me during her last days. She spoke a lot of truth in that time. She always said if we wanted to find him, we could. She wouldn’t stand in our way. We never did. I always felt like I would be betraying her and all she did for us if I tried. There were never strong urges. I think what makes a parent is how much you fight to be in your child’s life, no matter whether they’re yours biologically or how they came to be yours. That’s why I know you could do this on your own, 100%. I thought you could from the moment you told me you wanted to do it, but now I’ve fallen in love with you and I can’t dream of leaving you to go it alone.”
Reecy rested her lips upon his shoulder, kissing him through his shirt. The ice cream was forgotten about by both of them, melting in the sun. All she wanted to do was cuddle him and hold him close. More than ever right now, she was feeling those urges. Like she wanted to get as close as she could be and feel his secure warmth. It still took her breath away that this had turned into a thing. But what an amazing thing. She knew it was real. She knew they had what it took to go the distance. “Be honest with me? I know I don’t actually need to request that because you always are, but humour me this once. Have you ever thought about wanting to be a dad before all this? Did you ever think about wanting kids of your own? How would you feel if I was never sure I wanted to risk another pregnancy?”
“I know you don’t. I was one of the first people you told when you made the choice. Sweetie, I don’t think every woman on the face of the earth should have to feel like they need to get pregnant and give birth to their own kids. I really don’t. I never have. It’s never even been a given for me, so I guess when I say that, I’ll admit, I never seriously contemplated it. Not directly, not head-on, but that was because I wasn’t in a place in my life yet to need to. In general, though, I guess I always hoped I’d one day have the option. Not to have kids of my own, per se, but to be a dad. Hell, I don’t even know how I’ll be with it. I wonder a lot lately. What kind of dad I could make and if I’d be any good. I’ve been catching myself staring at the other dads around us like case studies, they must think I have a problem. Your dad, Sawyer, Mark, Euan. Hell, even Clint. If Clint can do it, I’m pretty sure I have a good stab in the right direction.” Kyan brushed her hair back and kissed her forehead. “I know what you’re asking. I can read between the lines. I won’t offer false bravado and say I’m ready and can it. I’m not. But I know you’re not really either, but you still want to do it. I actually feel like this is one of the most beautiful decisions anyone can make, especially someone like you. Because you’re never going to let her suffer. She’ll never want for anything. I know I can’t wait to see you with her. Promise we should just think about this as an option?” He held his pinkie up to, prepare to swear the promise.
“Reecy! Oh my god, I love you! Gemma, it’s Baby! O M G!” The squealed cry distracted Reecy from accepting the pinkie promise and she shielded her eyes from the sun in time to see a couple of teenagers rushing them across the park. Shit, she had no idea how Justin handled the squeals up in his face whenever he let himself be recognised in public. These days, since Sasha’s incoming to his life, he was more careful about using bandanas, sunglasses and hoodies so he had some privacy. Much like Reecy wished she had in this important moment. But they were adorable, probably all of fifteen, give or take. But you never could quite tell with kids these days, some of them dressed like 40 year old hookers, wanting to be old way before their time. “Can I take a selfie please?!” Beside this girl stood who must be Gemma, now standing there as red as a tomato goofy grin as she stared at Kyan with heart eyes, giggling. Reecy couldn’t really blame her for that, she had the same reaction every time she saw his dick. Like his height, his dick was extremely impressive. Something she would not be sharing with the fangirls.
“Of course you can, cuite pie. What’s your name?” Reecy asked, standing up from Kyan’s jacket and forcing up her typical showbiz smile. She hoped there were no evidence left of tears that were going to record themselves in this girl’s selfie. “You like the show then, huh?”
“Emmy! It’s, like, my second favourite after Footloose! I’ve seen it seven times with my mom!” Emmy squealed and it did hit Reecy pretty hard, her name. The little girl stuck in the adoption pipeline was called Emmeline Willow, so this somehow felt like a kismet encounter, even if that wasn’t this girl’s full name. Reecy still caught herself sharing a glance with Kyan.
Kyan smiled up at her. He knew the significance of the connection. The name was etched in his mind that day, having gone over incredible amounts of information about the baby girl that morning. He saw the recognition clock on Reecy’s face and it was sweet. These two fangirls were sweet too, though he wasn’t quite sure about how the second one was gawping at him. So, he just gave her a polite smile too, along with a little wave. Reecy had a natural way with fans like Justin did, but Kyan was still a shy introvert. He had been trained in how, he had been getting more and more used to the spotlight, but this stuff still made him feel like a fish out of water. What he did love was seeing Reecy in her element, so sweet and kind with these young girls. She didn’t just take one selfie, she let them take a few, being silly in them with the girls, pulling faces, sticking her tongue out. Then she signed something for them with a purple Sharpie Gemma whipped out of her handbag.
Content and proud of their ‘fan encounter’ the girls soon ran off squealing, both on their phones and probably posting it to Facebook, Twitter and every other social media platform in current circulation. Reecy wasn’t at all surprised that the parting conversation consisted of them asking about Justin, fangirling about his catwalk debut and asking her to give him a hug for them. “Damn, I get fans and my baby brother still outshines me. What’s a bitch got to do to get some of the spotlight around here?” she joked, grinning. She had perked up a little now, despite the bawling mess she had been earlier.
Kyan stood up and wrapped her in his arms, giving her a kiss. “She’s the only bitch in my spotlight. If that counts,” he murmured, gazing intently at her. Again, he held up his pinkie to her. “What do you say? Those girls were a pretty timely reminder of why you wanted to do this, remember? That little brother who made you want to take care of a little person just like him who needed it so damn much. If we can pull off chemistry on stage and even have fans, we can manage it off stage too. I know we can. In our way, whatever that is. We get to figure it out together. Or we could just, you know, tear each other’s clothes off and forget this shit they call life.”
Reecy tipped her head, giving him a wicked smirk. “Oh, you’re making me choose? That’s a fucking impossible choice. Mean. There I was thinking you were all sweet and innocent. Inside, you’re actually spawn of Voldemort, aren’t you?” She put her hand up, brushing her fingers close to his without letting their pinkies connect just yet. “Can I be a greedy bitch and want both? Just tear each other’s clothes off and forget for a little while? We’ve got a few hours before we’re due at work. You know, a little rehearsal for some method-acting and all that…”
“Method acting? Oh, that’s what we’re calling it now, is it?” Kyan laughed. He stole a quick kiss at first, but his lips couldn’t stop at one. Soon, he was kissing her deeply, hungrily. That was one of the first things he realised with Reecy once things pushed over from friendship into romance… her kisses were passionate, like her whole heart and soul were driving them. When he had her in his arms like this, he never failed to feel that passion all over again. “My dick doesn’t need any method acting,” he added, whispering against her lips.
Reecy picked the kiss right back up where he broke it to say those words. Whilst she in the embrace, she felt out his hand and gentle, but with determination, hooked her pinkie in his, giving it a firm tug. She parted their lips to kiss over his cheek and then into his ear, she murmured. “Together.”
LOG, COMPLETE