"How long has this been going on?"

[inkandleather]

Who: Jace and Jesse Hartley
What: Something's coming
Where: Home, NYC
When: Saturday

Something was going on, and Jace had no idea what it was, let alone where to even begin to try and guess. He was standing in the doorway of their guest bedroom, watching Jesse carry a passed-out Merlin to the bed. Merlin was a mess. Literally. All Jace knew was that Merlin apparently got extremely drunk at some point, and that had lead to Jesse bringing him home here. Somewhere in the middle of all that, Merlin had thrown up all over himself, and Jesse had called ahead to Jace and asked him to have a change of clothes for Merlin, if he could. Jace didn't ask questions at that point. Jesse said he would be back before his birthday, but he had been delayed in South Carolina. Today was Jace's birthday, and they were only just getting back.

And he had no idea what to think, because Jesse looked like hell too. Jace stayed standing timidly in the doorway, watching Jesse undress Merlin out of the messed up clothing, clean him up a bit, and put sweat pants and long-sleeve t-shirt on him Jace had fished out of their pile of clean laundry that hadn't been put away yet. Merlin kind of regained consciousness briefly while Jesse was trying to get the job done, and proceeded to projectile puke all over the bed and the clean clothes he had just been put in, all the while bawling his eyes out. He soon passed out again.

Jace didn't know what to do to help, because Jesse hadn't asked for his help. That felt weird. Jace felt oddly like he was being left out of something, but it could just be because he hadn't been filled in yet. "I'll get a change for the bed," he said quietly, and went to the linen cupboard up the hall where he just stood there staring into it for a few minutes. His brain was skipping a few beats. He knew why he had come to the cupboard, but not sure where to get what he was looking for. Soon, he just came back with an armful of clean linen, and when he got to the room, he found Jesse sitting on the floor by the bed, sobbing his heart out. "What the fuck has happened?!" Jace finally cried, getting upset himself because he hated not understanding things, or feeling like he wasn't capable of being kept in the loop.

Comments

[slowsouthernstyle]

"Come here, darlin'," Jesse managed to get out, even if it was through a pretty messy choked sob. Not for a single minute would he intentionally make Jace feel left out, but he knew as soon as Jace was freaking out, that had to have been how it felt. The only reason he hadn't wanted Jace to come with him was because Jace really struggled with flying, and it took a long time for him to bounce back. Jace's brain was complex, and Jesse would do whatever it took to alleviate him from as much pain as possible.

Things had just gotten so messy. Beyond anything Jesse could have imagined. He was struggling, and after Merlin had passed out after managing to get blind drunk in South Carolina, Jesse decided to hire a car and drive them home, because there was no way he could get Merlin on a plane in the state he was in. At least if they were in transit, they were still moving to get home. That's all Jesse wanted. To get fucking home to his husband, and out of that damn place. "I-It was... was... more complicated than we could have known. Fucking religion! I fucking hate it!"

[inkandleather]

Jace went over and sat on the floor beside Jesse. His arms were going around him, even if he was suddenly terrified someone back there had hurt Jesse and Merlin. Jesse hadn't been so out of sorts about going back there, but Jace had seen via that how much Jesse cared for Merlin. He did it because Merlin needed help with all this, and Jesse had been through something similar. That was all still pretty fresh. Jesse was close with his other family now, but back that, it had been distressing and upsetting to learn his life had been a lie, that he had been conceived because of an affair his mother had. Jesse was usually so calm and collected. He was always the nurturer and the caregiver. If he got upset like this, something heavy caused it.

"But... why?" was all he could think to ask. It didn't make sense, but he only probably had a small percentage of the full story. "I guess it was bad complicated, but what happened? Why is he this drunk, why are you this upset? Is, um... is a priest his father or something?" How could he connect the dots when he didn't even have the dots? It was an absurd guess, he knew that. How had religion played into all this? Unless it was some case like what Jesse went through. Some big cover up to keep up appearances of being a perfect pristine little holier than thou god-loving family. If it was that, it was disgusting. How many lies and disturbing secrets was religion used to veil? Countless.

[slowsouthernstyle]

Jace's hug is exactly what Jesse needed. It's all he ever needed when things were hurting. He wiped his eyes and even though it was a struggle, he worked to try to pull himself together a bit. Vomiting people he could deal with. He was a nurse. He was an expert in cleaning sick people up. He was well-versed in nursing something when they were ill, because he was Jace's carer. After Jace's seizures, it wasn't unlike caring for someone with a hangover. But it was how distressed Merlin was that was upsetting him to his core. "He's terrified his family are going to hate him now, or disown him. You can't reason with that sort of distress. He's on Adderall, he shouldn't drink. It's a stimulant medication, so it makes the effects of alcohol stronger."

He shook his head. "He's my brother, baby. My mother had another fucking affair. Like, she's was fucking whoring herself around, but doesn't believe in abortion because of her religion. What the fuck is that hypocritical bullshit? She got pregnant again by some other asshole she had a one night stand with, and fell pregnant with Merlin. Damien's parents, who never knew back then I wasn't my father's biologically, agreed to help her with her 'little mistake'. Our mothers went away on some overseas charity mission for the church for about six months. Said Merlin's mom was pregnant before they left, came back after he was born. They adopted him like he was their own. Nothing was ever said about it again." He wiped at his eyes again, and stood up, stumbling a little because he was so tired. "Fuck, I need to get everything changed so I can get him into bed."

[inkandleather]

Jace's brain struggled to comprehend complex situations. He was sitting there feeling kind of shellshocked at what Jesse was saying, and wanted to crawl under the bed and hide, like a scared animal. This was one time he wished he wasn't brain-injured so he could deal with it like a boss. He scrambled to find some reassuring words, but his brain was just feeding-back white noise. It must have felt like powerful kick in the guts for both Merlin and Jesse to hear this, if even he was feeling winded by it when it wasn't even his family situation. He stood up too, taking Jesse's hand and giving in a firm squeeze. "I'll help you," he said softly. He didn't mean just the bed. Not that he knew how else he could help, but he would if he could. Somehow. It had to be just a sliver of how helpless Jesse was feeling in comparison.

"I... I don't understand how anyone could give up a child like... that." What Jesse was saying meant Merlin grew up right under his biological mother's nose. "Um, don't get me wrong. I think your mother's a cunt for what she did with you, and passing you off as your father's until you found out the truth. Now you find out she's done it twice? How the fuck can someone do that in the name of staying perfect for a religion. Like, doe she think she kissed the bible a few times, and god forgave her for her sins? Why the fuck does she think she's too good to use condoms? Not that I would have wanted her to with you..." he added hastily, realising that sounded like Jesse and Merlin shouldn't exist. "I should just shut up."

[slowsouthernstyle]

Jesse shook his head. "No, I never want you to shut up, darlin'. You're my everything, and I can't get through any of it without you. I didn't mean to make you feel left out with any of it, I was just trying to keep you well. I didn't expect any of this stuff to include me. I offered to take him there. I really thought there would be some simple explanation, because his family are really sweet people. They always were. It was never like the shit with mine. Merlin being adopted seemed ludicrous, but the blood grouping was clearly the same. He and I, we're both A grouping. Then I thought, even if he was adopted, he would deal with the shock, and then get up and be okay. Because he still had a great life, and he still had a family who always adored him. But this? This is betrayal. I know how it feels to learn you're a lie. You don't wish that feeling on anyone. Especially not a sweet kid like Merlin."

It wasn't easy trying to strip the bed with Merlin on it. Then there was trying to get him into another change of clothes. Jesse did most of the heavy work, but Jace helped him because it would have felt near impossible without another pair of hands. "That's exactly what she would have thought. My father - even if he's not really my father - was always controlling. Strict and controlling. Very procedural. I guess she was constantly out looking for more beyond that. I don't know. I saw her for all of five minutes before I had to get out, or I would have lost my shit. I told Merlin I was going back to the hotel, and to call me when he wanted to go home. He was drunk when he finally did. They wouldn't have let him fly like this. I had to stop halfway to sleep. He fucking raided the mini bar in the hotel room. He's going to hate himself when he sobers up."

[inkandleather]

"It's... pretty cool, though. In a way. You and Damien share a brother now. Maybe that will help your friendship?" Innocent optimism. Jace was trying to find a positive in all this. He knew, though, if it was happening to him, he would be horrified. Though, Jesse didn't seem horrified, because he already knew what his mother had done with his paternity. He seemed upset, probably that he lost the chance to know Merlin as his brother. He would be feeling betrayed at more lies. Merlin was now out of the messed up bed covers, into another change of clothes, and being tucked into the bed. Jesse was already getting the trash can from the nearest bathroom. You had to have those precautions, though Jace was pretty sure Merlin couldn't have anything left in him to what had already come out. "And, um... well, if your mother put him up for adoption somewhere else, you would never have known him. He might have had a worse upbringing than he did."

He hesitated for a moment and then went to the bathroom himself to wet a cloth. He brought it back and took Jesse's hands, wiping them off for him now the vomity clothing and blankets were in the washing machine up the hall. "You hated your childhood. You hid the real you. You wouldn't have wished that on him. Plus, family means so much to you. Now it's, like, expanding even more. I know he's probably freaked out, and he'll see his family won't just disown him. His parents have known this all along. You can help him adjust. Even better? He lives here now. There's a lot of bad shit with this, but it doesn't have to be all bad."

[slowsouthernstyle]

Jesse just shrugged but didn't comment. Damien didn't seem to want to be involved in anything anymore, so Jesse wasn't going to force-feed him anything. Friendship was a two-way street, just like relationships. Everyone had to contribute and bring something to the table, otherwise what worth was it? None. "I know now all this is out, we'll become closer and I can help him through it. But that initial shock is a terrible thing. You feel scared and alone. Not physically alone. Just alone in the problem. Alone in having solutions. Like, it's all fantastic now. Lucy's literally offered to adopt me more than once. She's how a mother should be. It all worked out in the end. But when it first happened, I felt so displaced and betrayed. While I was back there, it was the weirdest sensation, but I actually missed my biological father. It was like I had known him all along, but he was gone. I never got the chance to know him. I kept thinking, like, fuck, I didn't want Merlin to go through feeling like that. Only, he didn't learn he had a whole other family out there in the ethos somewhere. We were right under his nose the whole time. How can he even know how to start processing that?"

He watched Jace gently cleaning his hand and then looked up to meet his gaze. "And this is why I needed to get home to you," he murmured. He knew Jace often got frustrated with how his brain functioned, but sometimes the simple way he could look at things was the most perfect way of all. It was soothing, and Jesse needed it right now when it felt like everything was so confusing and complicated. "Is this weird for you? Me having all these family things crop up because of my mother's fucked up choices? I just want to help him. Take care of him. I thought maybe we could ask him to come stay here for a little while, so he can sort through it."

[inkandleather]

It was a bit of an epic clean-up they had, but they got there. Merlin was in a clean bed, in a clean shirt, warm under the covers with a bucket nearby in case he got sick again. It looked like he was crashed out hard now, though. He was probably emotionally and physically exhausted. Jace remembered how Jesse was like when it had come to light he had a whole other family he never knew about and wasn't his father's biological son. He was shellshocked, and Merlin would be feeling the same. "I don't think that's a weird thing to feel, baby. At all. I think it's understandable, all things considered. He'll start processing it because he has to. He probably won't ever know 'how', he'll just wing it. Like you did. But you didn't have anyone else going through it with you. Merlin has you. He has us. Because you understand, and not a single damn thing would stop you being a brother to him now you know. So, he got drunk and he's probably going to feel hell for a few days, but he'll get better. And he'll see how awesome it is to get another brother. You can spend time with him and love him. That's all he needs."

He shook his head, putting the face cloth aside once Jesse was cleaned up. He pulled him into a hug and held him. "No, it's not weird. Lying and fabricating utter bullshit in the name of Jesus and some fake 'betterness' because you're religious is weird. And completely fucked up. Putting yourself before your kids so you don't lose your Jesus-loving sparkle is fucked up. Disowning your kids and giving them to someone else to raise so the church still thinks you're pure and holy is fucked up. Believing some fanfiction in a leather bound book as gospel and using it to justify your close-minded cuntness and using it to harm others is fucked up. But this? You finding out about the consequences of all that? It's not weird. It's sad and devastating you both lived a life of lies, but I don't think it's weird. I think it's amazing, because now you know the truth, and you and Merlin are both okay and well. You'll heal together and get closer, take care of each other. He can come here and stay. That'd be nice."