dreamlikenewyork | "If we have faith in each other, then we can be strong."

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"If we have faith in each other, then we can be strong."

Who: Lewis Sheldon and Lorenzo Chevalier
What: Biting the bullet
Where: Broadway, NYC
When: Thursday night

Lewis looked at Lorenzo via the large mirror in one of the theatre's dressing rooms as he zipped up his leather pants. There was a smirk on his lips, and his cheeks were flushed. "Well, that was a nice surprise," he said, laughing. Lorenzo's arm was still around his waist, and he put his hand over the top of his husband's against his chest. He turned in the embrace, but right before he was about to pull Lorenzo into a kiss, Lorenzo was putting his fingers up to his mouth. Lewis wet his lips and watched him lick each finger, holding his gaze. All the while, Lorenzo still hadn't zipped himself back up. "You're trying to be the death of me, aren't you, love?"

He had asked Lorenzo to come meet him after work for a coffee. Holly was spending the night with Jude, because Lorenzo had basically told his best friend he was going to tear his balls off and put them in a blender if he didn't step up for Holly as her godfather. He didn't give a fuck if he stepped up for no one else, but she deserved better. Jude probably thought he would have a quiet night off work too. Oh, well. Shit happens. Literally, when you have to babysit.

Because of that, Lorenzo had come earlier, whilst the show was still on. That meant Lewis was mostly just watching the show from backstage in case anyone came out with makeup fail of any sort that he might have to touch up. It happened. It was mostly Justin and Autumn it happened to. Justin, because Ren actually worse some pretty modern and boundary-pushing makeup in this production, where he got into his inner 80s glam with glitter and guyliner, and because Justin had the most singing and dancing numbers that he perspired a lot. He would often need touch-ups. Then Autumn, because they face-sucked a lot throughout the show.

When Lorenzo arrived, he came back into the dressing rooms with Lewis. The show was in the final act anyway, and Justin wasn't there that night. Jeff was up again because Justin had a massive Halloween charity concert that weekend, but had laryngitis all week. He had been on vocal and bed rest all week, in desperate hopes that his voice would be okay for the concert. So, what happened was a welcome kiss turned heated, and then it amped up even then. Next thing they knew, Lorenzo was fucking him right there at the dresser, and Lewis had absolutely no objections whatsoever. Now Lorenzo, with that frankly fucking hot kink of licking Lewis' cum from his fingers. If he was capable of multiple orgasms in a row, that would be him undone right about now.

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"I better not be. I'm not done with you yet," Lorenzo promised and leaned in close. He caught Lewis' lips in a hungry kiss, fully intending for Lewis to taste himself there. This probably wasn't what Lewis had intended inviting him for coffee, but they were married, this was a perk of that. This was one thing he got off on in his relationship with Lewis... they frequently had spontaneous sex. Assuming Holly wasn't with them or she was sleeping. Marriage hadn't cooled their sex life. Sometimes they were too exhausted or stressed out to take advantage, but generally, he was proud of the healthy sex life they had. Lewis was fucking gorgeous, and Lorenzo wanted to make love to him as much as he could.

"I missed you," he murmured against Lewis' lips. "You okay? I wasn't sure if I should be worried when I got your text, but you didn't sound upset. Now I'm pretty sure you're okay, but I just want to check." He reluctantly pulled back to tuck himself back into his pants and zip up. They'd shoot to get out of the theatre before the curtain call so they weren't caught up in the crowds of people.

Lewis gave Lorenzo's ass a soft pat and then squeezed it, smiling at him. "If it was anything to be too worried about, I would've come home to you to tell you straight away. It's important, but it's not in the worry realms. Let's head out before the avalanche of bodies comes out." He collected his jacket to pull it on, and shoved his essential items into the pocket. He locked up his makeup case, because he was a bit of a bitch in that sense that he didn't like anyone using it because it cost him a fucking fortune and he had a particular way of working, so all the items were in a specific order. This wasn't the only job he did, often being contracted out to movies or TV shows during the day hours, but with the weekend upon them, he tended to leave it behind. He was working the charity concert Saturday night, so he would collect it before then.

Hand-in-hand, they left the theatre and decided to hit a coffee shop on that block so they didn't have to go far. At this time of night, it usually only attracted night owls, usually creative souls whose minds worked better in the dark hours. "Hold on. What do you say we check into a fancy hotel for the night? We can order room service while we talk, and spend the rest of the night doing whatever we want," he suggested, and even if there was a mischievous glint in his eye, those things would wait until after they had talked. He just had a feeling he was going to need plenty of comfort sex after they did discuss this whole thing.

They were domesticated, there was no doubt about that. But they liked to be too. It wasn't like they sacrificed themselves or their lives to be parents. They had a lot of time together, and they loved spending time as a family, and they were in an easy rhythm these days with Holly. Holly had never known anything but Lewis as her second parent, so it wasn't even a step-parent set up. She was Lewis' daughter just as much as she was Lorenzo's, and if things hadn't been so cripplingly painful for him back then, he would barely remember what like was like before meeting Lewis.

But there was always times they would need to nurture the romance and intimacy between them. It was important to have moments like this where they also remembered they were married and the reason they could give Holly the life and love she deserved was because of their love. He smiled at the suggestion and nodded. "Fuck, yes. Let's do that. I have absolutely no objections to that plan. Let's go somewhere with the huge baths so we can objectify that too. I'm glad there's nothing wrong, though. I was bracing for it, but I'm glad it was unnecessary concern."

"Novotel Times Square? It's just up the block. Neither of us need to be out walking in the cold at this time of night," Lewis suggested. Now that the decision was made, he was looking forward to curling up with his husband in a bed they didn't need to make in the morning after taking a long bath with him. Sometimes, you just had to chuck it in the fuck it bucket, and honour the romance in your relationship. So, why not treat yourselves?

The walked with their arms around each other, and despite what he was going to have to bring up in conversation soon, Lewis found himself truly appreciating having Lorenzo by his side. He loved his husband with all his heart. He was sad that all this couldn't have gone in the ideal way. He had a heavy heart, even if he didn't ever have plans prior for conceiving children of his own. He knew if Walker had given him different results, this conversation would probably be revolving around the early stages of planning to have another baby with Lorenzo. "It might be a bit heavy," he admitted. "If that's okay."

"Yes. Perfect choice, darlin'. I'm sure all three of us will deal with plenty of colds in the summer as it is, so let's not encourage it too soon." Lewis always smelled so amazing. It wasn't because he just wore one specific type of aftershave, or one specific cologne like some people did. He had always been one of those trendy guys who had a selection. He was always warm, and he smelled fucking incredible. If Lorenzo didn't know that Lewis wanted to talk to him about some things, he would be trying to jump his bones right now. It had been an emotional month for them, and even if Lorenzo hadn't directly called Lewis on it, he could see how having his cancer past dragged up had drained him. It gave Lorenzo a deeper appreciation of understanding why Lewis didn't want to dwell on it. Because it was the hardest thing he had ever dealt with.

He looked at Lewis as they walked. He had been concerned Lewis was going to tell him the cancer was back, and then since the text, realised that was exactly what Lewis didn't want, and why he hadn't told anyone. He had to forcefully smack himself out of that nonsense. For one, he knew Lewis wouldn't face something like that now without telling him, and two, Lewis wouldn't have invited the talk via text if he was even slightly concerned about that himself. "Of course it's okay. We're a team. You know that, love. I think we've weathered plenty of heavy shit so far to know we've got the strength to get through it."

Lorenzo's accent was always something that got Lewis' motor running from the moment they met. Lorenzo had been living in New York for some time, but his Southern accent hadn't weakened at all. Lewis knew a lot of people from the South, and he knew the strength of the accent could vary significantly. Lorenzo had always had the sexiest deep Southern drawl. As did Clint. He especially loved it when they were in the middle of fucking and Lorenzo pulled out the dirty talk. They might get there, later. For now, Lewis listened to his husband, rubbing his back before he let his hand drop to squeeze Lorenzo's ass through his tight jeans. He was glad the hotel was nearby, because they could relax together, maybe in those glorious bathrobes they offered in the more expensive hotels.

"You're right about that, love. I've been reminded of that even more so lately than ever. Not that I didn't already know it, with the fact our relationship survived what happened to me when I got kidnapped. It even survived through the aftermath when my anxiety was at its worst. Since the whole cancer thing came out, what my life was back then when I was sick has been playing on my mind a lot. I was a different person back then. One I'm not sure I even liked, but I didn't think too much about it to really care either way," he said with a shrug.

It was still strange for Lorenzo to be hearing Lewis talk about his life when he had cancer. He knew Lewis has been so young back then, and they had talked about it since he revealed that part of his past. He knew it was going to be a thing they kept returning to, and he really did value when Lewis filled him in more and more about his life back then, way before they met. He wanted to know this stuff, but only as much as Lewis wanted to talk about it. Lewis wasn't a person to dwell on things out of his control. That was probably why being crippled with a post-traumatic anxiety had shaken him so much.

They weren't too far from the hotel and they paused their conversation to check in and head up to the room. It was warm in the hotel and their room was amazing. Massive bed, mini bar at their disposal, and definitely the bathrobes on offer. He emptied his pocket on the table and stepped up to Lewis, pulling him close. "What do you want to do? Take a bath and then talk, or take a bath and talk at the same time, or just climb into bed and talk there? I'm easy. Is this something about our marriage that needs work? Something like that?"

Lewis looked around the room. He would honestly be up for any of those options, but he knew they all had the ability to turn into more than talking. He and Lorenzo had a healthy sex life. They always had. It was passionate, and even though they had a baby, it was still frequent. They made love most days. That had never been an issue for them. The only time that was interfered with was after Lewis had been horribly attacked and tortured, and when Lorenzo had initially fallen ill with Hep C. They still had the intimacy even during those times, spending time curled up in bed together and just holding each other.

"Climb into bed and talk. And no, it's no issues with our marriage, babe. I promise you that." He took Lorenzo's face into his hands and gave him a soft and reassuring kiss. Then he started to help him out of his coat, and soon they were both down to just their underwear and curling up in the huge bed together. Lying there on his side, watching Lorenzo getting comfortable, he felt Lorenzo's hand brushed softly down his torso. His fingers paused at the scar at the side of Lewis' chest and their gaze met. "That's what I want to talk about..."

Lewis had said there wasn't anything to freak out about. That was what managed to stop Lorenzo hitting panic stations immediately that maybe Lewis' cancer had come back. Not that type of cancer, because Lewis said he had all the glands removed to prevent spreading. If it was another sort of cancer cell invading his system, he would never have told Lorenzo not to freak out. Without realising he had paused in his tender stroking, his attention was now drawn to it when Lewis realised what he had done. Before, Lorenzo hadn't thought much of the scar on the one side of Lewis' chest. Lewis didn't have as many tattoos as Lorenzo, but he had some watercolouring work, because colours were Lewis' thing. There was watercolouring under the lyrics tattoo on the other side of his chest. It hadn't even crossed Lorenzo's mind to think a matching scar was beneath it.

"About the cancer? Or the scars? I don't have any issues with the scars, baby. Please don't tell me you want plastic surgery to try to remove them or something..." he murmured. He held Lewis' gaze and then dipped his head to softly press his lips to the scar on this side, picking up the stroking at the other. To him, now he knew, they were marks of the battle Lewis fought and won. It might be cheesy, but without this, Lorenzo would never have met him.

Lewis had to exhale slowly with Lorenzo's lips touching his chest in those beautiful kisses he knew would have the ability to rile Lewis up. He was relieved he stopped at only a couple or he was going to get aroused and be unable to think straight. They could do that later, and later, he was pretty sure he would need it for comfort and reassurance. Soon, Lorenzo was looking at him again with those eyes, the eyes Lewis had fallen in love with so easily. The same eyes he shared with their daughter. He rubbed Lorenzo's back, and enjoyed the moment of intimacy nonetheless. He knew what they had was special, after they had both survived through a hell of lot. This was what it was all about.

"Neither. Well, maybe the first, but in a secondary sort of way." He caught himself beating around the bush, and mentally smacked himself out of it. He wasn't a beating around the bush sort of guy. "I was thinking lately about how you started the dialogue about us having more children. Before, I did avoid it. You know that, and you know why now. Now that it's all out in the open, though, it's been on my mind, and when I couldn't shake it, I made an appointment to see Walker. For a fertility test. And, um... it wasn't the best result. Actually, it wasn't much of a result at all. My body doesn't produce any sperm. Not even just low sperm, it's none. It's got this fancy name. Honestly, I kind of knew that would be the result, because I was young when I had the lengthy chemo, and my body was still growing, in a sense. I hadn't hit my sexual prime. Now I've got the result, I feel like I've been dealt a tough blow, which I never expected to feel."

Lorenzo shifted so he could see Lewis' face a little better. This wasn't what he expected would be the topic of their conversation at all. It was huge, he knew that. He was sure some people would probably get on their high horse and throw a tantrum that their spouse did something like this without wanting them involved, but Lorenzo wasn't a cunt. He knew his husband now, so much more than previously, so he understood the process Lewis had decided to take. Lewis saw the cancer as part of his past that he had left behind and didn't want to look back on. This was just part of that.

"You're feeling upset because you wanted to have a baby after all? Babe, you didn't have to go it alone, I would have come with you if you needed the moral support. But I know some things, especially related to your past, you need to do alone. But I gotta say, I'm glad you still ejaculate, because seeing you come is one of my favourite things," he had to add, giving Lewis a smile. Neither of them would want this to be a conflict of any sort. "Did they at least give you some good gay porn to jerk off into a cup with?"

"Honestly, I haven't really let my brain get to the point of reasoning any of the feelings out. I wanted to tell you first. Part of me feels like I shouldn't have an issue with it, because they told me this would happen. I was too young to give a fuck about freezing sperm. I was alone, and terrified. I had friends, but I had no one to give me advice on things like that. You don't sit down with a bunch of lads when you're nineteen and discuss the chances of having breast cancer and freezing sperm. I went years without even thinking about any of it. Even after I met you, you had Holly, and that was the first I really began to think about having my own family. Now it's all there on our plates, and I kind of just feel like I'm grieving for something I never had the chance to have. Does that even make sense?" Lewis asked, bewildered. Now that he and Lorenzo were alone, he knew he could finally open up on how he was feeling, with the one person he trusted with his life.

He nodded. "I know, and truly the only reason I just got it done was because of everything that went down with Mitchell. You gave him a bit of time off when his brother showed up, so I just got the business side of it out of the way. I was on autopilot with it, just going through the motions." He smirked and brushed his fingers through Lorenzo's hair and leaned close to steal another kiss. "I didn't need porn, I had your nude dick pics on my phone, and that video we made together that night."

Instead of responding straight away, Lorenzo's mouth sought out Lewis' lips in a tender and loving kiss that he let linger. He breathed in Lewis' scent, let himself bask in the warmth of their bodies together. They were doing this together and that was the only thing that mattered here. Never in a million years did he ever expect to have a partner like Lewis, let alone a marriage he felt was a beautiful and healthy thing. He never even expected to have a child, but Holly was just as much part of the both as if they could have conceived her together had their anatomy allowed it.

"It means a lot to me that you're talking to me about this, darlin'. I know it ain't easy, and I know you don't want to have any of this dredged up for you. None of this is a huge shock, Lew. Not you thinking about this now you're older, or grieving for what you can't have. It's normal, and it's natural, given the circumstances." He took Lewis' hand and laced their fingers together. He liked seeing Lewis wear his wedding ring. Even that wasn't conventional. Lewis ring was blue titanium with a diamond, and Lorenzo's was white titanium with a sapphire. They were like the Yin and Yang, only in ring form. They never took them off. "Do you want to talk about having another baby? Or did you only want that if you could biologically father one? Don't worry, I won't be upset if that was it. I would've loved to have another with your genes."

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"If we have faith in each other, then we can be strong."

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