"He ain't heavy, he's my brother."

[multiplelove]

Who: Brett Jennings and Zoran Jennings
What: Heart-to-Heart
Where: Jennings home, Dobbs Ferry
When: Very early hours, Saturday morning

It was about two am and Brett was up to use the bathroom. His college break had started so he was staying with his parents until New Year, something he was grateful for with everything going on with Zoran. Brett just wasn't coping with it. None of this was anything he could joke his way through to get by, and it was tearing him up inside. He had been tossing and turning all night. Richie had found him and they were going to get a drink together, but Brett didn't want to get drunk and hungover while Zoran was going through hell having to bury his father.

Over and over, all Brett could think of was how he would feel if it was his own dad's funeral, and he had harassed himself all night thinking about how much incredible pain Zoran was, but Brett hadn't been able to reach out to him because Zoran wasn't coping with so much help. He needed to be alone. Brett understood that. He did. But it wasn't easy.

He had shared a bathroom with Zoran ever since the first night he came to them, up until they both left home. He got up to get a drink of water when sleep just wasn't coming and just as he was approaching the bathroom, Zoran came out of it, flicking the light off. Brett hesitated, because this emotional stuff was hard. Then, with his eyes teary, he just stepped up and put his arms around Zoran, hugging him. "I love you, man," he told him hoarsely.

Comments

[zedblaze]

Zoran had never seen Brett cry. He saw the tears right before he was receiving the hug. Of course he hugged back, and it wasn't just a blokey, quick pat on the back sort of hug. Brett was clinging to him and Zoran was hugging him back tightly. He knew that breaking down at the cemetery and confessing all those things probably hit a lot of people hard, but at the time, it had just been a sea of faces to him. He had been so upset and messed up, he hadn't specifically noticed who was there. He had just needed them gone by the time he panicked and wanted to abort mission on what he was saying. It had hit him with a crushing blow that no one there, no matter how much they cared about him, knew what he was going through.

"I love you too," he replied and meant every word. Brett was the only brother he ever had, and they had been close. He could see now that Brett was hit hard by this. "I'm sorry..." he eventually added. He didn't want to be the reason he upset his family. It just happened. It had all come rushing out of him before he could stop himself.

[multiplelove]

"Don't apologise, Z. We're family. If you're hurting, we're going to hurt with you. You have nothing to apologise for." Brett had been trying to hard to get his head around this whole thing, but he realised it was impossible to understand. Hearing those things Zoran had gone through felt like a sucker-punch to the gut. It wasn't even just hearing it. Zoran had finally broken down, right there in front of everyone. This time, it wasn't away out of sight. That said a hell of a lot and Brett knew it.

He stepped back a little, hands still resting on Zoran's arms. "Are you okay, dude? It's late? Were you sick? I can get you something to drink or make you a cup of tea. You look like you shouldn't be up. I just... I'm proud of you. For going through all that stuff and still being an awesome person," he said with a little nod for emphasis and then wiped his eyes with his fingers. "Fuck, I don't mean to be like this."

[zedblaze]

"Be however you need to be. I know it's fucking awful and I know it's fucking hard. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to live through and how can any of you know how to handle it if I have no clue myself?" Zoran reasoned while he rubbed his hand over his face. "I'll be okay, I guess. Eventually. Not right now. Hurts too much..."

The thought of eating or drinking anything right now wasn't appealing to him at all. "No. Listen, can we talk for a bit? I don't want anyone to think I don't want them near me. I do. I want you all to understand what you can, and we haven't really talked much. I know it's got to be freaking you out. I just don't know if I'll ever be able to truly put into words what my life's bee like," he admitted.

[multiplelove]

It had to take some epic fucking hardass balls for Zoran to take the high ground like this. For a few lingering moments, Brett just looked at his brother, still in crippling pain inside for him, but also awed that he was even still here. Zoran had admitted in front of all those people at the funeral that he had nearly fucking drove a car off a cliff because he was so distressed, but once again put his dad before him. Brett had so many questions, but a lot of them he didn't need answers to. Maybe over time as Zoran began to heal and keep living his life, the answers would come to light.

He nodded. "Sure, Z. Do you want to come chill in my room? At least them Mom and Dad won't smack me in the head for not taking better care of you. It has freaked me out, but not in a way that I can't handle your shit, bro. Just... I'm fucking hurting for you. All I wanted to do was help you, but I can't. Can't ease it or take it away. I had no idea your past was this fucking painful. I knew you had pain and you had been abused, but not like this."