There was no judging how Zoran had chosen to deal with the shock of the situation he was in. It wasn’t something that Caleb had ever been through, and he would never claim to know or understand it better than Zoran did. HIV, despite the changes in the treatments available, was still a scary thing. It still meant that you had to live your life differently. Something that, for Caleb, would be an annoyance, like a papercut or a nosebleed, for Zoran would end up being a huge infection control issue. If things ever moved forward for them, there would be no comfort sex without protection, because it would put Caleb at risk, and neither of them would really want that to be a danger they faced if they could help it. The risk of a condom breaking Caleb would deal with, because he loved Zoran, and he wanted that closeness and intimacy with him. He just knew that it wasn’t as simple as it would have been back when they were 15 year old virgins.
“I’m sorry you felt like that,” Caleb told him, his arms gentle around the other guy. “I can’t imagine what that must have been like. The fear and the shock and the not wanting to face up to it. Nobody can blame you for how you responded, and if they do, they don’t know what the hell you were going through.” His words, metaphorical though they might have been, made perfect sense. There were only so many times you could fall and be broken before there was no repairing you anymore. Caleb just found himself hoping that going forward, he could catch Zoran when he fell instead of watching him shatter over and over again without any way to put himself back together. “I know that my words are going to take a lot of backing up for a long time, darlin’. I’m not stupid enough to think that, after what happened with us in the past, my word is enough. That’s why I’m here. As long as it takes, I’m willing to be here and keep showing you that I mean what I said.” He nodded thoughtfully, grateful that Riley had given Zed a good suggestion for a doctor. If he was Positive, which he seemed to believe he was, Caleb wanted to know for a fact that he had the best medical care possible, and he had no doubt that a doctor would have the best doctor possible to treat something like this.
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“I’m sorry you felt like that,” Caleb told him, his arms gentle around the other guy. “I can’t imagine what that must have been like. The fear and the shock and the not wanting to face up to it. Nobody can blame you for how you responded, and if they do, they don’t know what the hell you were going through.” His words, metaphorical though they might have been, made perfect sense. There were only so many times you could fall and be broken before there was no repairing you anymore. Caleb just found himself hoping that going forward, he could catch Zoran when he fell instead of watching him shatter over and over again without any way to put himself back together. “I know that my words are going to take a lot of backing up for a long time, darlin’. I’m not stupid enough to think that, after what happened with us in the past, my word is enough. That’s why I’m here. As long as it takes, I’m willing to be here and keep showing you that I mean what I said.” He nodded thoughtfully, grateful that Riley had given Zed a good suggestion for a doctor. If he was Positive, which he seemed to believe he was, Caleb wanted to know for a fact that he had the best medical care possible, and he had no doubt that a doctor would have the best doctor possible to treat something like this.