"This is love, this is life."

[letyourcolorsburst]

Who: Lewis Sheldon and Jude Willis
What: 20 questions about stuff, and then some
Where: Home
When: Friday afternoon

Somehow, Lewis had managed to go our and survive the grocery shopping without having a panic attack or wanting to keel over from feeling too stressed out. Lorenzo had booked in three weddings this weekend so that he could free up completely next week when they were all going to Vermont for Billy and Ajay's wedding. Billy basically said he didn't want to get married unless Lorenzo could do the flowers, and Ajay had just agreed. Some things in life were just that sacred. But there was another bride, whose wedding was that day, who had literally changed her whole wedding date from the following week so she could have Lorenzo as her florist. Lewis was pretty fucking proud of his husband for that.

It meant he had to Lone Ranger the groceries though because Holly was out of formula, diapers and wipes so there was just no putting it off. He had even snapped a photo of her in her stroller to send it to Lorenzo, who had forwarded it to his brother. Lorenzo was quite worried about Richie, and Lewis understood completely. He was looking forward to meeting him when he got home from overseas.

Just as he got home, Jude was arriving and Holly decided she was going to have a giant poop, the sort that basically got everywhere and needed immediate daddy-intervention. He was just finishing cleaning her up where he had changed her on the floor of the living room. He leaned over to kiss her nose and then lifted her up into his arms. "Does that feel better, sweetiepie? I bet it does. No wonder you wanted to shoot my nerves to bits in the store crying for the entire second part of the shopping trip. Still getting those tummy upsets, aren't you?" He shifted Holly to his hip and went to the kitchen to make her a bottle to try to get her to go down for her nap. "Like I said, dude, I really don't know when Lorenzo will be home. This bride, she's a bit of a demanding bitch. He's not a fan."

Comments

[starttomakeitbetter]

After Lewis and Lorenzo got married, there had been some adjustment for them all. Jude hadn't been sure if their arrangement would still stand, but both Lewis and Renz had been open to it. Granted, they hadn't really partaken much in said arrangement lately, because Lewis was having physical struggles with it, and neither Lorenzo nor Jude felt that it was right to continue without Lew when he wasn't feeling up to it, even though Lew had told them he wouldn't have been upset if they wanted to. Jude would have if Renz had needed the comfort side of it, but ultimately, it had felt like the right decision for both of them not to move forward on a path like that one without Lewis. They wanted to keep the whole thing respectful of all parties involved, and that was why it had been able to work out as well as it had. The fact they weren't sleeping together right now, however, didn't mean that the friendships weren't still strong. Lewis had become an extension of Lorenzo for Jude, which meant that he was part of Jude's best friend, and therefor part of the love and comfort that he shared with Lorenzo, too. It was an arrangement few would understand, but that didn't matter. The only people who needed to understand were Jude, Lorenzo, Lewis, and Reecy, because they were the ones effected by it.

Once he'd arrived, Lewis was in full-on Daddy mode, just coming back from doing the shopping. Jude was proud of him. He knew full well that it wasn't as easy as doing the shopping might be for anyone else. It was a struggle for him, going out into crowds of people and not being able to have a constant awareness of everything that was going on around him at a given time. Jude just had to laugh when Lewis told him that. "Sounds exciting for Renz, dude. I could never deal with people getting married all the time for a living. It would suck to have to deal with all that drama. I mean, not that I'm opposed to the idea of marriage. It's just more the idea that your job is to make a huge part of someone's wedding go right? That would be an overload for me."

[letyourcolorsburst]

"Dealing with actors is bad enough," Lewis offered with a smirk of amusement. "Though, Lee was her Wedding Planner and apparently he managed to pull her quite in line throughout. It's just when the wedding day comes, apparently they go all possessed evil demons from hell these types of brides. He loves what he does most of the time, this just isn't one of those times." Holly was still a little grizzly, and it was a classic sign she was tired and needed a sleep. She was definitely getting bigger now, but she was still small for her age. Not at all developmental delayed, though. She was reaching each milestone smoothly, and had literally brought Lorenzo to tears when she, at around 6-7 months, started to say 'Dada' and make other attempted sounds. It wasn't like she was going to start reciting poetry or anything, but she was right on par with her growth.

He had put the cold groceries away in the fridge and was smiling at Holly while he prepared her bottle. Even though they had some issues with her feeding and she didn't always feel up to eating (which was being investigated), she was a really good little baby. She seemed content and wasn't wanting for anything, which Lewis knew had been Lorenzo's biggest fear... that he wouldn't be able to provide everything she needed on his own. He was consistently anxious about her progress, whether she was warm or cool, if he was picking the right clothes for her, if she was going to run out of diapers, if she needed infant Tylenol when she felt a little feverish. The list went on. It was all natural for a new parent, but for Lorenzo, it was so much more important for him to make sure she was taken care off immaculately. The anxiety was just natural and the self-doubt understandable.

[starttomakeitbetter]

"I feel like, considering my other half is an actress, there's no good way for me to respond to that," Jude quipped with a grin. He and Reecy got along much better these days, and a lot of that was just learning each other. Jude often teased Reecy that he knew better than to cross certain lines, to which she'd respond with a joking Good boy... It had become a bit of a joke between them. "If I ever get married, I'd want Lee to be the planner," Jude said, not even realizing he'd gotten off on that tangent mentally until the words were out of his mouth. "He's incredible at what he does, and if it ever came to it, Reecy deserves a gorgeous wedding. She always says that she doesn't need to feel like a princess or anything, and she doesn't need to be pampered, but she does deserve those things." He shook his head a little, realizing how far he'd gone on that tangent. "Fuck... Dude, I just got lost in that daydream way too deep. Reecy told me she doesn't really think she wants to get married ever, and I understand and respect that. But a part of me still thinks about what it would be like if she were my wife."

He shook his head looking over at Lewis. "Do you mind if Uncle Jude gives her her bottle?" he asked with a small smile. Cuddling Holly was one of his favorite things, and it made him really happy to have the little one close and nestled in his arms. Despite even his worst days, a smile from Holly could make everything seem better. She was too cute for words, and Jude adored her. "How's Uncle Jude's favorite wee girl?" he asked, scooping her into his arms while Lewis got the bottle ready. She cooed happily and raised her hand up to touch Jude's face, grabbing a handful of nose. Jude had to laugh, giving her a loud smack of a kiss on her forehead, which made her giggle. "Dude, she's growing too fast. I don't know what you guys are putting in her bottle, but you gotta chill out with that and slow it down a little bit. She's making me feel old."

[letyourcolorsburst]

Lewis smirked and shook his head. "Reecy's one of my easiest. It's Autumn's understudy that I can't stand. Pretty sure the feeling is mutual. She apparently knows a makeup colour palette better than a professional makeup artist and the Costume Director collectively. Also doesn't seam to get the concept of if you're an understudy, you get dressed exactly the same way as the lead. It's not a subjective nightly makeover to match complexions." He paused and looked over at Jude analytically. He was wondering there if Jude had actually gone and bought a ring already. "Even if the time came, she might not want a gorgeous wedding or need a planner. She might want to get married in a barn or swimming with sharks. She's pretty unconventional."

"You can try. We've been having a fight on our hands with her bottles recently. Her tummy's still getting upset, so she might fight you on it. We just persist. Eventually she takes some of it. Other times, she takes the whole thing." It had only been about three days ago when Holly was really miserable when Lorenzo was trying to give her the bottle that he had said to Lewis 'What if she's like you?' He had been allergic to lactose and dairy products for years now. It wasn't just an intolerance like many people had. It was a fully-fledged allergy that made him physically ill very soon after ingesting it, and would knock him for days with terrible stomach pain and usually a crippling migraine. They knew Holly didn't have that severe a reaction, but it could well be she was lactose intolerant, so Lorenzo had made an appointment for her to see Nate for that coming week. She had been doing her little babble of 'Dadada' to Lewis while he was nursing her, but she was always fine to move on to other people she knew. Not very good with strangers, though she had apparently taken to Richie like a duck to water.

[starttomakeitbetter]

"Reecy actually is really laid back," Jude said with a nod. "I tease her about being a high maintenance actress type, but she's really not. In fact, she's really kind of amazing. I don't know of any other girl in the world who'd be cool with the things that Reecy completely understands and accepts as part of the deal with our relationship." No. Jude hadn't bought a ring, but he certainly had looked at them and seen more than one that he thought would suit Reecy. It wasn't something that she seemed to want to do, so he didn't push her. The last thing Jude ever wanted was for her to ever again feel like he didn't think she was important or didn't care about her feelings. "I could so see her wanting to get married like that. I mean, I'm not saying it would have to be a big white wedding, but whatever it would be, I'd want her to be happy with it. I don't know. I mean, she says she's not really sure she even believes in marriage or wants to get married. And I'd never push her to do it if she didn't want to. It's just something that's been on my mind."

Jude cuddled Holly into his arms, holding her close to him. "Poor little nugget," he said, nuzzling his nose in against the top of her head. "Does your tummy hurt, little one?" he asked her when Lewis had explained about her tummy. He patted her tummy gently as he looked over at Lewis. "Well... I'll give it a go at the least," he said with a little nod. "Has Nate come up with any ideas about what might be making her tummy upset?" he asked as Holly looked up at him. She had the bluest eyes ever, and Jude just loved snuggling her warm little body up to his chest.

[letyourcolorsburst]

Lewis gave the kitchen bench top a quick wipe down because he was a bit OCD with cleanliness, and it was necessary with a baby around. He went through to the living room to take a seat, and nodded. "She is laid back. She'll say she's complicated, but she's really not. Feisty, yes. Complicated, no. You've got to bear in mind, too, that you guys have had issues and shit to work through. It's unlikely something like marriage, whatever that means, has been a point of contemplation for her. Of course she'd be confused if it's just coming up out of the blue. I mean, yeah, I have far from conventional beliefs about it, but anything that involves a coming together of two people, it needs to be unified and a mutual understanding."

"We're wondering about allergies or lactose intolerance. It will mean having to scope her, which isn't nice but if something is going on, we need to know about it. She seems okay with the solids, but it's not much more than mashed veggies. Which I know, because she's very creative and likes to do artwork with it anywhere but her mouth, don't you, beautiful?" he said softly with a smile as he carefully secured a bib around her neck to catch the inevitable mess. "Lorenzo is a little less anxious about her getting the help now, since discovering his brother is a pediatrician at the hospital and Holly seemed to love him."

[starttomakeitbetter]

Once Holly was settled in Jude's arms, and he had the bottle from Lewis, she wasn't very much a fan of taking it. She fussed, and turned her head away from the offered bottle, but Jude persisted, carefully holding her against him, hoping it would help her feel safe. "It's okay, little one," he told her. "I'm sorry it hurts your tummy." She took the bottle, but the tears in her eyes remained, and Jude felt for all the world like his heart was breaking. He hated seeing Holly upset. He didn't take his eyes off the little one, very gently bouncing her in his arms to try and soothe her, but his conversation was addressed to Lewis. "It's true. She told me that she hadn't even really thought about it because of where we were. It took us some time to get our shit together, and now that we're starting to get there, she's not sure she's into the idea of marriage at all. Ultimately, I love her. I want to love her for the rest of my life, whether she's my girlfriend, wife, or whatever we decide together. I've just had marriage on my mind a lot lately, but even before you and Renz got married, I'd thought about marrying her and what that might be like. I love her, and I like the idea of making a statement of that. But I also know marriage isn't the only way to do that, either. If she doesn't want to get married, I don't want her to feel like I'm not going to be happy. I'm happy just to be with her. She's one of the best things that's ever happened to me." He shrugged. "Ajay's dad is paying for my nursing school. All of it, plus enough money for me to be able to cut my hours back to part time so I can study more. I guess finally having that huge piece of the puzzle in place has had me thinking a bit more, too."

"Awww, poor little Holly," Jude said, shaking his head. "Uncle Jude's sorry you have to have some not fun tests. But if you gotta have nasty tests, Uncle Jude is gonna bring you a big teddy bear almost as big as you," he promised. He spoiled her as much as he could, though money wasn't exactly something he was rolling in. He still made it a point as her godfather to spoil her as much as possible. "He'd mentioned that. We call his brother Doogie Houser because he's so young looking. But he's a great doctor. All the kids love him. I had no clue he was Renz's brother, but then I guess Renz didn't know either, so there's that."

[letyourcolorsburst]

"Well, do you have anymore reasoning behind it beyond just wanting it because it looks and sounds like it might be a nice thing. Because that's not going to be enough. This is a lifelong commitment, and it's a pretty big deal. I'm not telling you how to suck eggs or anything, because that basically goes against my beliefs. All I'm saying is that getting married is one thing, being formally committed is another. It means making compromises and sacrifices. It's trying to bring two different lives together on one even ground. Which is actually the easy part. The hard part is doing that and not sacrifices parts of yourself that are true and unique to you. Which is what happens in many marriages, and why there is so much fucking divorce and infidelity. Like my parents, for many years, were basically just carbon copies of each other. They did the church thing, they did the social dinners, they did the boring jobs they hated because it was the done thing to do, they did the breeding. And all they turned out to be were little ventriloquist dolls with the preacher's hand up their asses spewing out monosyllabic scripted Christian garbage, none of which is unique and special to any one person. It's just jargon squawked out on cue en-masse to whoever is listening," Lewis said with a cynical snort and a bemused roll of his eyes. He had noticed this from quite a young age when it was all so repetitive and contradictory. But he felt like one of the lucky ones.

He looked at Holly, because he knew breaching the gap with his parents was very much a work-in-progress, and he was working on it for Holly, so she could have grandparents. And they did adore her. They had come around. Lewis just found himself wondering if they looked at him and Lorenzo and wished it was a wife and a biological grandchild. "My whole point is that something like marriage shouldn't be contributory to defining you or defining your life. It should be because you're strong enough and proud enough of yourself to bring someone else in on it to share the glory with. That's why I don't believe in marriage. Because the very essence of it as a commodity is about owning each other and becoming one. You should be two together, not an unrecognisable whole."

[starttomakeitbetter]

Holly wasn't fighting her bottle anymore, and Jude couldn't help feeling bad for the wee one. It must be a crappy feeling to have to choose between being hungry or having a tummy ache, and being far too little to tell anyone about it. Still, she was nestled in warmly at her Uncle Jude's side, and was taking the bottle, at least for now. "I want to make lifelong commitment to her," Jude replied, and though his tone was soft, there was conviction in his words. He loved Reecy, and he did want her to be his wife someday, if that was what she wanted, too. He wouldn't push her. He didn't want her to do it for him. He wanted her to agree to it only if it felt right to her, too. "I love her. I want to share every part of my life with her. And I know marriage isn't required for any of that, but it's a commitment I want to make to her, with our close friends and family. I want her to know that I love her for everything she is, and I treasure what I have with her. She has been more understanding and open than anyone I've ever met. She walked into a relationship with me, knowing what I had going with you and Renz, and she was okay with it. She hasn't ever tried to change me. I don't want to change her. It's just... Unlike anything I've ever had before. She's fiercely independent, but she still lets me love her and be a part of things in her life... It's kind of this amazing balance, and I love that."

Jude watched the little girl in his arms quietly for a moment before looking back at Lewis. "I love that she is unapologetically herself. She never once changed for me, and when she felt like that was something that might happen, she put me firmly in my place. And now, I'm finally at a place in my life where I've reached a goal I've been working for. I'm going to be a nurse. Ajay's dad wanted to help me, so I'm going to start nursing school next semester. I'm going to get to where I've always wanted to be, and I want to share that with her. We're both building these lives that are successful, and at points where we have careers that are on track in her case, or in mine at least, have the groundwork laid, and I want to share all of that with her. I don't for a minute think I'd be where I am without her. We have walked through so much heartache and struggle together. And I want to share the success and happiness with her, too." He had to nod at the last thought, though. Reecy was independent. She wouldn't settle, and she wouldn't change who she wouldn't. "Reecy wouldn't want that, either. She wouldn't want us to become two silent partners in some weird becoming one union thing. I love her because of who she is. Not because of me. If we ever were to get married, I'd want her to keep being the woman I fell in love with. Is that why you decided to get married, even though you don't believe in marriage?"