[TEXT TO Kyan @intothegroove]

[starttomakeitbetter]

Hey, dude... Thanks for the invite yesterday. I had a blast. But I was kind of wondering if you'd mind if I asked you a question?

Comments

[intothegroove]

I seriously did not know she'd pick the biggest one.

[starttomakeitbetter]

It's like three times her size, dude. It was entertaining just watching her carry it to the car. But I wanted to ask you about you and Autumn.

[intothegroove]

... is this a sex question?

[starttomakeitbetter]

No... It's a romance question. Let's just say that I've royally sucked in the boyfriend stakes, and you and Autumn seem to have the mojo, and I guess maybe I need a pointer or two.

[intothegroove]

Mojo?

[starttomakeitbetter]

She looks at you like you're her favorite person in the whole world. Like just being around you makes her happy, and you got the romance thing right. And my brother says I look at Reecy like that, but I know that she doesn't feel like we have what it takes to work. She wants to feel special and loved, and she is both of those things with me, but I want to be able to do things to remind her. She's not needy and desperate for attention... She just wants to know she's loved and appreciated. And I've fallen flat on those stakes.

[intothegroove]

I'm not her favourite-favourite. Her brothers and her mom come before me. What nice things do you do for her?

[starttomakeitbetter]

True, but it's still... Like she lights up when she sees you. Well, we snuggle a lot, and we talk about things, and I've made her dinner and stuff sometimes. I took her to laser tag because she loves that, and that kind of thing. She said that the snuggling and stuff at each other's places without all the other stuff just make it feel like a glorified fuck buddies situation.

[intothegroove]

You haven't bought her any gifts or taken her to a nice restaurant or a special lunch any time just because you want to spend time with her?

Dude.

[starttomakeitbetter]

Once I bought her these massage oils, because I knew she was tired and sore from performing so much, and I was going to give her a massage and help, but she said that it wasn't her thing, and she didn't want to be pampered... She just wanted to do fun stuff together. But other than that, no, not really.

[intothegroove]

Massage oils because you wanted her to get horny to sleep with her? Because that's what a girl's going to think for that. You can't just date someone and treat them like everyone else. If you do that, what's the point?

[starttomakeitbetter]

No, it wasn't like that at all. She had mentioned that she was really tired and sore, and I wanted to help her feel better. I was going to do this whole thing, but she said it wasn't her thing, and she thought it was sweet that I thought of her, but she'd rather do something like laser tag or something instead of being pampered. Yeah, I think I'm getting that point, but I've just... I've never been anyone's boyfriend before, but I want to make her happy.

[intothegroove]

It's nothing to do with what it was like, it's what impression you're giving her. She can't read your mind, and she shouldn't have to either. Is that all you've done in... however long you've been together? Pfft, that's no excuse. Not unless you've been living under a rock for the last 1000 years of history and procreation.

[starttomakeitbetter]

No, I know it's not an excuse. I'm not trying to use it as one. It's just why I should've been asking for pointers months ago instead of just assuming everything was totally cool.

[intothegroove]

You need to use your brain, not your dick. Because the romance stuff should flow from thinking about her and wanting to make her happy.

[starttomakeitbetter]

I do think about her... a lot. A few months ago, I was honestly thinking about giving her a promise ring, and I still want to do that, but I want to do it when things are good between us. I don't want her to think I'm doing that to try and patch up the things that aren't working. It needs to flow from things already working. But they're not going to be working if I can't do the things that she deserves.

Dude, she told me she was thinking that maybe she really didn't deserve a special relationship because of the things that have happened in the past. I wanted to cry when she told me that. She's the most incredible person I know. She deserves the world.

[intothegroove]

Well, if you gave it to her when you thought about it, things might be good between you.

So, why aren't you giving it to her?

[starttomakeitbetter]

Maybe so. I second guess myself too much. I should probably stop doing that.

Anything I could say to that would be an excuse. I don't want excuses. I just want to do what's right by her and treat her the way she deserves.

[intothegroove]

You'll lose her if you don't. There'll be a guy out there who wants to give it all to her and won't even think to procrastinate.

Yes, you keep saying that, but why aren't you doing it? If you want her to be your everything, you have to treat her like she is.

[starttomakeitbetter]

I guess I was afraid if I did all those romantic things, she'd think it was fake or stupid coming from me. That I was being a try hard instead of really trying to show her how I felt. I want to do something special for her today, though. Something to let her know I'm thinking about her.

[intothegroove]

Then you need to get to know her better. Because that doesn't sound like Reecy at all. She's the biggest fan of any of us who do receive romantic things. But honestly, if you've never gone on dates or anything, I'm not surprised you don't really know her.

[starttomakeitbetter]

I think I'm realizing that more and more every day. I don't know why she's stayed in my life as long as she has, but if she hasn't left yet, I want to make the most of the time I have before it runs out.

[intothegroove]

You won't get anywhere with that defeatist mindset. Romance is just about doing things when they feel right to you, and because your partner is making you feel right. It's not about throwing tokens at the situation and waiting for he to give up and move on.

[starttomakeitbetter]

That's what I was trying to do today. Come up with something to make her smile. I guess maybe ultimately, that's sort of the whole problem... Thinking too much and not doing nearly enough. I'd rather just do things to make her smile than worry she'll think they're stupid. You're right. She wouldn't. That's not her.

[intothegroove]

She's too amazing a person to stick around and wait for what might never happen. Her dad raised her to not settle for anything sub-par and she can reach for whatever she wants. If you don't want to lose her, treat her like she should never feel like she's reaching.

[starttomakeitbetter]

I definitely don't want to lose her. I want to be the dude she deserves. I'm going to send her flowers and a teddy bear tonight and take her to breakfast tomorrow. It's a start. And you have to start somewhere, right?

[intothegroove]

Start what, though? Do you know what you're trying to achieve or you're just hoping it'll come to you at some point?

[starttomakeitbetter]

I'm trying to achieve having a great relationship with Reecy... Making her smile... being the person she wants to talk to when things are shitty.

[intothegroove]

Yeah, she won't do that if she thinks you're too busy to remember she's more than a walking girlfriend pillow.

[starttomakeitbetter]

No, and I wouldn't blame her for that. I don't want her to feel like that about our relationship.

[intothegroove]

So, you've established what you want for her, but what about what you want for you. Because they need to be on the same page. That's how it all works.

[starttomakeitbetter]

In my relationship? I want us to be the part of my life that makes sense when other things don't. I want a relationship that's comforting when things are hard outside of it. Like what my brother and Ajay have.

[intothegroove]

What about the good stuff? Because she can't just be your life sized snot rag to cry on when you're having a shit time of things either.

[starttomakeitbetter]

No. And I don't want her to be either. I want to laugh with her, too. I love her smile. I want it to be a regular part of my life, too.

[intothegroove]

She's always been a hell of a lot of fun. At least, since I've known her.

[starttomakeitbetter]

She is. I think that's the part of her I haven't really nurtured in our relationship. And I should've been.

[intothegroove]

She probably isn't sure you know how to have fun anymore.

[starttomakeitbetter]

Then I guess I gotta show her, right?

[intothegroove]

You guess?

[starttomakeitbetter]

No, I know I've got to show her. The tone of that didn't come across in text. But seriously.