angelwithoutwings: (106)
Angel Jesse Shaw ([personal profile] angelwithoutwings) wrote in [community profile] dreamlikenewyork 2015-07-29 04:26 am (UTC)

One thing Angel never saw coming was how much of an emotional rollercoaster the surrogacy thing would be. At first, though he took a little convincing, he thought it was a great idea and it made sense. Being human, though, he wasn't sure how he would feel seeing his fiancée (as she still was at the time) pregnant with his brother's baby. He also had concerns about how Rosie would be with the pregnancy because with Daisy, there had been some complications. In the early stages of the pregnancy, Rose had some bleeding and what they termed a 'threatened miscarriage' that didn't eventuate. Rose was sent home and ordered to rest and see if the symptoms settled. They did, but there was caution right up until Daisy was born. Being Rose's partner, Angel just had a different level of worry for her, and when all these fears began to come to fruition with the surrogacy, it was really tough for him to cope with. He wasn't sure he could face it again for another attempt, but now working that out was taken out of their hands.

"She just wanted so much to be able to help you. She's going to be feeling like she ruined your chances. She spoke so much about how you guys should be parents, and everyone should have a chance of trying it if it's what they really wanted. She wanted to be able to give you the thing you decided you both wanted when Beau was his most ill. Like sort of the celebratory award for getting through everything you did. It was so fucking important to her. And now it's just... gone." Angel was really upset. He hoped he wasn't rambling too much but he did want to now open the lines of communication with Beau and Austin about this whole thing, and take the onus of that off Rosie for now, because everything else was already too hard for her. "I-I feel like I've taken her for granted? Is that normal? Now everything is so precarious, I feel like we've run out of time. I haven't told her enough how much I love her, even if I do all the time. I want her to know that she and Daisy are my world. I thought I'd have her forever, and now I'm terrified I won't."

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