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[inkandleather]

Everything's weird, everything feels changed. Change isn't always a bad thing, but it's an exhausting and confusing thing. My head feels like it won't stop hurting.

Lying here with Jesse, stroking his hair while he sleeps, I don't know how anyone in this world could ever not want him in their life, or would ever want to change him. He's perfect. He's beautiful. He's my everything. Maybe now we know why... because all along he was made by a beautiful guy so full of love. It's a shame he never got to know him. His dad would have been so damn proud of him, I know that for certain.

Comments

[warmredautumn]

Dad would love both of you guys. When he died, I was still in the chorus in Cinderella and he used to tell me that I'd be in a starring role on Broadway one day. I came so close to giving up so many times, but I knew that he wanted better for me. He would've wanted better for Jesse than how his family treated him, too. He would've been on the front row when you two got married and been so proud of both of you being his family. Jesse's wonderful, and I couldn't be prouder to have him as a brother.

[inkandleather]

I'm really sorry we dumped all this on you out of the blue. We really didn't think it could be someone we knew being so far away. If he didn't come now, he wouldn't have. He talks himself out of things he doesn't think he's worthy of.

[warmredautumn]

There's no right or wrong way to do what you guys had to do, Jace. Trust me, none of us blame you for it. I'm glad he came. And he IS worthy of a family that loves him. I'm glad he has had you since you guys met to help him believe that. I know it had to be hard for you to face with him, but thank you for making it possible for us to find out about our brother.

[inkandleather]

He's one of the most amazing people in the world. There's so many little things that make the person he is, but he would do anything for anyone. His family couldn't see it because they didn't want to. He fell in love with me when it felt like no one ever would, and then he loved me like I never knew anyone could love anyone. If your dad's genes played a part in making him the special person he is, then I'm perfectly fine with him having a family like you guys. I was nervous, I can't lie about that. I didn't want to open him up to being hurt by anyone else.

[warmredautumn]

If there was anyone in the world who was going to unexpectedly be my family, I couldn't be happier it's Jesse and you. My dad's genes probably counteracted all the bullshit genes from his mom. I'm glad that you guys came here. I know it had to have been scary for you both, but we're glad to have both of you.

[inkandleather]

It's been draining. It's not been a good few weeks. He should still be in hospital, but I pretty much strong-holded my brother into letting him out sooner or Jesse would have talked himself out of it. Then he would have regretted it, and then probably found out second-hand your dad had passed away. That wouldn't have been good for anyone.

[warmredautumn]

You can tell he's not well, but I'm glad you were able to get him here. I would've hated for him to miss out on getting to know his family.

[inkandleather]

You guys should probably know that his seizures are, well, absolutely fucking terrifying. There's no easy way to really ease you into that, but it's sort of something everyone near us has to be aware of could happen. Mine are different. My brain just sort of shuts down my whole body where his does the opposite. He'll be able to give you very brief, very quick warning, whereas I can't. He recovers quicker and it'll usually be a week or two before I'm back on my feet. It's just a pretty nasty condition, no matter what form you have it in.

[warmredautumn]

It doesn't sound easy. But we'll learn the best ways to deal if you guys are willing to bear with us while we learn. This might be a weird question, but how do you ink people if you could have a seizure at any time? I'm just glad that both of you guys are able to understand each other. That had to have made a huge difference in your relationship.

[inkandleather]

All my clients are aware of my condition. I don't ink anyone who just walks in off the street. I sort of work with a really exclusive client base who are aware that arrangements might change at the drop of a hat. Because my work's pretty intricate, I don't go at it like a bull at a gate, so even it if happens, I'm not going to suddenly write "fuck" on your arm if you request "Free" or something. I'm not accidentally going to give a skull with with three eyes. At worse, I'll drop the gun and stop halfway, then pick up when I'm better or Jo will finish off. She's really familiar with my style. Well, we compared notes and swore a lot about how much it sucked. Totally romantic basis for a loving relationship.

[warmredautumn]

That's pretty amazing that you've been able to do that. You and Jesse both don't let your illness keep you from finding a way to do something you want to do. I've definitely seen your work. It's fantastic. Oh, yeah. Don't even lie, though... You totally were at the doctor's office with a raging boner about the whole thing.

[inkandleather]

I'm very lucky to have people who want to take care of me when I can't do it myself, and have done all they can to know how to. I know it's not easy. Some days, I get really upset and frustrated with myself because my brain just doesn't work. It's no different to if you had a broken arm, you can't use it like everyone else uses their healthy arms. I cross my heart, I wasn't! I mean, I was subtly perving on him, but mostly I enjoyed the chat. Then we went for hot chocolate the next evening and we talked for literally hours, and things kind of... progressed after the date.

[warmredautumn]

That's a special thing that a lot of people don't have. I love your Nana. I kind of want to adopt her. You can definitely tell you guys have a really close-knit family. I think that makes a lot of sense. Most people get frustrated when they lose any level of control of something they once controlled, and especially in your case, where it's just the way it is, and there's not a 6 weeks and the cast is off thing happening. Awww, that's actually adorable. I think it's amazing how your mutual struggles are what ended up bringing the two of you together. Progressed. You can just say, "We had hot passionate sex on the first date."

[inkandleather]

Nana's acted in a carer capacity for me over the years Evan hasn't been able to. But now I went and married a fellow epileptic, she's actually moved close in New York to be there if we need help. Some days, I just feel very behind the eight ball on everything, compared to everyone else. Well, yeah, that did kind of happen. Then I had to go and have a seizure the morning after.

[warmredautumn]

She's wonderful. My mom wants to keep her I think. :D It sounds like you have a really great family. Well, obviously it didn't scare Jesse away. It's sweet, really. I love seeing you two together. It's super special what you have.

[inkandleather]

We do have a great family. Although, there were hurdles. My family didn't easily transition into letting someone else take care of me. No, Jesse's a really amazing nurse. Just very humble, he doesn't understand why he gets so much praise. You don't learn bedside manner at college, it's in you. I know on the outside it looks all hearts and roses, but it's tough sometimes.

[warmredautumn]

That's a special thing... I love mine... I'm so grateful for Mom and my brothers... None of us would've made it through losing Dad without each other. Honestly, it doesn't look like hearts and roses... I think that's what's so beautiful about it.