dreamlikenewyork | "Let's talk about sex."

Who: Kolbie Bronson and Toby Preston
What: Plucking up courage
Where: Toby's place
When: Christmas Eve morning

Kolbie had to leave later that evening to fly home to Chicago for Christmas, but it was pretty cool that Toby's parents were fine with him coming over to hang out with Toby on Christmas Eve. He would be gone for nearly a week, so he was going to miss Toby like crazy. They had been spending a lot of time together, especially since Kolbie was enrolled in the same school he and Will went to. Will seemed a little bummed sometimes that Justin had been pulled from classes there to instead study with a tutor while he was in the show, but it had been a better move for Justin, whose grades had picked up a lot since attending school had been removed as a factor from his life.

He and Toby were lying there on their backs on Toby's bed, one earbud in each as they listened to the same music together while they read comics. They spent time together so easily now that Toby had relaxed a bit and wasn't in panic and run mode at the thought of being gay. Kolbie hadn't blamed him for that at all, he had just been confused and hurt. They talked about it, and Toby seemed to trust him with talking about private things. That meant a lot to Kolbie. Lately, though, there had been something on his mind a hell of a lot and he was starting to think he had a problem. Until he got the balls to speak to Justin about it. Now he just had to try and find a little more of that courage here.

There was a break between songs and that was when Kolbie pulled his earbud out and rolled onto his side, head propped up on his hand. "Can I talk to you about something? I mean, if you decide you don't want to talk about it, that's cool too. I just, um... there's something I've been thinking about a lot."

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Toby had been desperate for the holiday break to come from school. With exams and assignments due all over, he had been so tired and drained just trying to do his best. Being dyslexic was fucking balls because he had to work so much harder to get probably a relatively average grade. All he ever aimed for was a C, and his parents were proud of him for that. But he had been coming home with tension headaches every day and he was moody because he was stressed. Kolbie always cheered him up. It was even better when they got to hang out together away from school and when Kolbie got back from Chicago, they already had a sleepover planned, which Toby couldn't wait for.

He yanked his own earbud out and nodded with a smile. "Yeah, we can talk about anything you want. You okay? You're not going to tell me you're staying in Chicago, are you?" he asked anxiously, because Kolbie admitted New York was overwhelming, but he had also said it was way better here than home had been in the months before running away after his brother. "I do want you to know that. You can talk to me about anything anytime, even if I might not always know how to respond to something. I won't push you away again. Promise."

Kolbie shook his head. "No, nothing like that. Not at all. I'm living with Eddie and that's how it is. I don't want to move back to Chicago. Eddie's here, Jace is here, you're here. I'm only going home for Christmas, and then I'll be back." He smiled at Toby, because he was really falling for him. There was no doubt about that whatsoever. They just connected and got along really well. Kolbie hadn't talked this much with anyone since before Justin started to change. It was when Justin was about 13 or 14 that he started to noticeable change. Before that, he was a relatively quiet guy, but they had been really good friends. As awful as it was to learn how sick Justin had become, Kolbie had been relieved to hear there was a reason for how he had been, not just that he had come to hate and didn't want to be his friend anymore.

He wet his lips nervously. "I, um... I just... do you think about sex?" he finally managed to ask but it felt like he shouldn't just leave it there. "I mean, doing it. Not just wondering about it. I just... since I met you, it's the first time I've really thought about whether I wanted to do it or not. You're the first person that's made me wonder about it. I don't want to feel like I'm pushing you to do it. I asked Justin what it was like and he said I should talk to you about it."

Toby's lips quickly formed a small 'o' shape of surprise when Kolbie was saying out loud what he wanted to talk about. Then Toby bit down on his lip and turned roughly the same shade as Superman's cape with a bashful gigglesnort. That was probably evidence of the face he had thought about it but he was still young enough to to snicker like a teenage boy at the thought of it. "U-Um... well, I... yes. But mostly I thought about it with girls, I guess. Because that's what I thought I should be doing. I don't, um... I-I don't think it really did much for me, though..."

His face was burning and he was chewing anxiously on his lip. He hadn't spoken to anyone about sex before. "I don't really know much about how two guys do it. I know the basics, sure. I asked my cousin and his husband, but I don't think I could ask Will without laughing or forgetting what words should be coming out of my mouth. Which I really hope doesn't happen right now. But, um... you've been thinking about it? About you and me doing it? Aren't you scared it won't fit? What did Justin say about it?"

Kolbie's face scrunched up with a nod. "Hell, yes, I'm worried. Justin didn't really say anything specific about how it's done, though he probably would have if I asked him about it. Assuming I got him at the right time. He's pretty open, but sometimes he had these walls up around himself that make it very hard to get through to him. That's not his fault, it's just because he's sick. But he's been good lately. We've talked a lot and been repairing our friendship, so I could ask him. Do you think I should?"

There was a pause, hesitation, and he was chewing on his lip with obvious anxiousness over this because it had taken a lot to bring it up. In saying that, Toby was responding okay to it. Clearly they were both shy and embarrassed about it, though. That was okay. At least they were both in the same boat. "I... yes. I've been thinking about what it would be like doing it with you. Or even just, um... seeing you naked or touching your dick when you're hard. I haven't touched anyone else's but mine. I haven't even seen anyone else naked. I look at myself in the mirror sometimes and wonder if I'm weird looking. I'm pretty sure I'm too scrawny and awkward to make someone's dick hard."

"I don't know," Toby said with a shrug. "It's probably kind of embarrassing talking to your friends about the actual... you know... doing it bit. If you trust him, though, I don't see why not. It's pretty cool, because I trust him too. I know he's messed up sometimes and his mind puts him in places none of us will never know what it feels like, but I think it you wanted to ask him, he'd talk to you about it. You said you guys used to be real close and I could see how worried about him you were that day we met at the hospital. Before I pulled my dick routine," he added sheepishly.

He went quiet, brain ticking over and then he cleared his throat. "We could try getting naked?" he suggested. "If we want to think about doing it, we've got to get used to that, right? Jeez, if you're scrawny and awkward, what does that make me? Like, I've got a lot of hair down there, which I'm really not sure is normal because it's turned into, like, the Amazon Jungle in a very short space of time. I looked at some porn, but everyone has huge dicks and I don't think I'm that big, and... oh my god, I can't believe I'm saying all this out loud to someone. I... I think I would be okay with you looking at me naked. Embarrassed, but okay."

Kolbie nodded again and he put his hand on Toby's arm, stroking it softly. It wasn't like they hadn't done anything. They had kissed and made out, so they had been close. They held hands sometimes, and when they watched movies, they always sat so they were touching, their legs overlapped. There had even been the movie the other night when Toby had put his head on Kolbie's shoulder while they watched, and Kolbie thought that was really cool. "I worried about him all the time when I was back home. Seriously, I used to think he was dead. He was hurting himself. I saw the marks, and then when he just disappeared, it was scary. I'm glad he's okay and he found his dad. It's all he wanted for years. I don't know how much sex he and Will have. He works a lot. I just know they did it because he told me."

He swallowed and wet his lips, looking over Toby's body. He just couldn't think Toby had anything bad going on under there. They both sort of had similar builds and unless Toby had some freak hair growth problem, it probably just seemed like a lot. "We'll, I've got hair too. I dunno if it's normal or not. I'm blonde, so maybe it seems less than there really is. I don't even shave yet, but neither does Justin so I don't feel completely behind with that. Okay, so... should we just do this? Take out clothes off? Then what? Wait, are your parents going to come home and spring us?"

"Let's talk about sex."

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