Beau Watson (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
halfwaytoheaven) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
dreamlikenewyork2013-12-26 01:16 am
halfwaytoheaven) wrote in dreamlikenewyork2013-12-26 01:16 am
Entry tags:
"Have yourself a merry little Christmas..."
Who: Beau Watson-Shaw with mentions of Austin Watson-Shaw
What: "Faithful friends who are near to us, gather near to us once more..."
Where: Watson/Shaw/Gresham home
When: Christmas morning
It was ironic that playing out in the main living room was O Holy Night, and the line 'Fall on your knees' was the line as Beau was doing just that. It had nothing to do with hearing the fucking angels, though. He tried so hard. He had been so determined that he could at least hold it together for Christmas. It was bad enough that he had to be at the hospital for his chemo dose at 7.00am so he could make it home just before lunch time for the present opening, family stuff, and meal. There was going to be no meal, though. Not when he was was already on his knees heaving up the purple Gatorade he had been drinking all morning along with the remnants of some dry crackers they gave him at the hospital with a sprig of holly stuck to the packet. Even his IV line had been adorned with tinsel and all the nurses had been in Santa hats and Christmas shirts. He had started the day out in relatively okay spirits.
The first two days of chemo had been okay. Maybe even edging into the 'good' realm. Save for the fact he had a freak out in the shower he was sharing with Austin when he realised he was losing his pubic hair too. He hadn't actually had any of that during his first battle with cancer. All that only came a lot later. The chemo had stunted his puberty development and he was a late bloomer. He joked about it, but in reality, he developed a lot later than most other teenage boys. This was a bit of a shock to his system and he had actually kicked Austin out of the shower, slammed the shower door closed in his face and told him to get out of the bathroom. Then he sat on the floor of the cubicle and had a good cry. He came out a little later and apologised, sitting down with Austin and admitting he didn't know why it had freaked him out so much beyond the fact that it felt weird and embarrassing.
Christmas was at their place this year. A huge planned affair too. All of Beau's family, all of Austin and Angel's, and all of Rose's. Not one person expected it to be a usual celebration. They were all well-aware that Beau wanted this because he was scared it might be his last Christmas and they wanted to make it something he would remember. His luck just wasn't in his favour at all lately. The past two days had been good, but of course today would be the one it all fell apart at the seams. Austin and Beau's brothers were with him at the hospital that day. He tried to keep in the spirit, but he was waning once the IV was coming to an end and the nausea was setting in.
He also was unsteady on his feet. Getting up after the dose, his legs had given out on him and Austin had caught him so he didn't fall. That was the moment it seemed to hit Austin how much weight Beau had lost. Beau saw the look in his eyes when Austin's arms had been closed around him. It was easy to miss with Beau basically living in baggy and comfortable clothing these days because he felt the cold and couldn't handle tight things. Austin didn't have to say anything. The fact he was thinking it was bad enough and Beau didn't want to make it worse for him by asking him what was wrong. They got him a wheelchair and they brought it home with them so he didn't have to walk. It helped the nausea a little to be off his feet, and seeing how amazing the room looked with the tree, and all the presents, with everyone in the room, he hadn't been able to not smile, despite feeling pretty shitty.
The head-to-toe pain was there and the awful sick feeling. He slapped on a brave face and was okay with everyone greeting him. There were a lot of soft and gentle hand-holding or pats on the shoulder. Hugs were out of the question, as much as he wished they weren't. He had a Rudolph bandanna on his head with a Santa hat over the top and a pair of red track pants with a pyjama top with Christmas trees all over it. It was only when Austin helped him from the wheelchair to the sofa for the present opening that the brave face slipped and he curled in on himself a little, requesting the music be turned down a little because it was hurting his ears. The hardest part was watching everyone try to act like everything was fine. They were doing a good job, but they couldn't avoid the tiny, covert glances of concern at him, and just a general sensation of trying to make it as easy on him as possible. Whether he wanted to admit it out loud or not, he felt about as Christmassy as a knitting needle through the nuts.
The presents had piled up around him, and just kept going. All he could do was just look at them blankly, knowing he was never going to be able to open them all. Or any. Austin stayed close to him, sitting on the arm rest of the sofa beside him and softly caressing the nape of Beau's neck, the tender touch just letting him know he wasn't alone. It was exactly what Beau needed. In a roomful of people, feeling alone was ironic, but it's how he felt in the battle most of the time right now. With the presents distributed, everyone was ripping into them. Beau got the tape off one edge of his first present and the nausea increased tenfold. He didn't want to throw up in front of everyone, no matter how strategically placed a bucket was behind the sofa just in case.
He got up, shoving the huge pile of his presents out of the way and knocking them into Angel sitting on the floor beside the sofa, and just walked out. At least he didn't fall flat on his face. He was on his knees in front of the toilet, one arm over the bowl to give him something to rest his head on, and the other hugging it to hold him upright. He was sick over and over again. There was no stopping it. He just had to let it come. When it finally stopped, he twisted to sit slumped against the wall, narrowly missing bumping his head on the toilet roll holder. He peeled the hat and bandanna off, closely followed by the pyjama top when he felt like he was burning up. Then he just started to cry, softly and quietly, not even having the energy for any sort of sobbing.
He hadn't even realised Austin had been there with him the whole time. Sitting just behind him on the edge of the bathtub and holding a red plastic cup with snowflakes on it and a straw with a plastic Christmas tree ornament hanging from it. There was apple juice inside, which was basically the only thing Beau could tolerate when he was like this. "I want to go to my bed," he told him tearfully, not able to fight it any longer. "You have to go have Christmas for me," he soon added, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand.
Austin came and sat down beside him then, an arm slipping softly around Beau's shoulders to nurse his head while he helped him drink some of the apple juice. Later in the afternoon, when it was close to getting dark, Beau woke up to find all his presents unwrapped and neatly stacked near the wall by the bed so he could see them all, with the Christmas tree pulled in there from the living room with everyone's stockings strung up along the wall.
That was when he realised it wasn't his potentially last Christmas, it was his first with the most amazing husband a guy could ever be blessed with.
What: "Faithful friends who are near to us, gather near to us once more..."
Where: Watson/Shaw/Gresham home
When: Christmas morning
It was ironic that playing out in the main living room was O Holy Night, and the line 'Fall on your knees' was the line as Beau was doing just that. It had nothing to do with hearing the fucking angels, though. He tried so hard. He had been so determined that he could at least hold it together for Christmas. It was bad enough that he had to be at the hospital for his chemo dose at 7.00am so he could make it home just before lunch time for the present opening, family stuff, and meal. There was going to be no meal, though. Not when he was was already on his knees heaving up the purple Gatorade he had been drinking all morning along with the remnants of some dry crackers they gave him at the hospital with a sprig of holly stuck to the packet. Even his IV line had been adorned with tinsel and all the nurses had been in Santa hats and Christmas shirts. He had started the day out in relatively okay spirits.
The first two days of chemo had been okay. Maybe even edging into the 'good' realm. Save for the fact he had a freak out in the shower he was sharing with Austin when he realised he was losing his pubic hair too. He hadn't actually had any of that during his first battle with cancer. All that only came a lot later. The chemo had stunted his puberty development and he was a late bloomer. He joked about it, but in reality, he developed a lot later than most other teenage boys. This was a bit of a shock to his system and he had actually kicked Austin out of the shower, slammed the shower door closed in his face and told him to get out of the bathroom. Then he sat on the floor of the cubicle and had a good cry. He came out a little later and apologised, sitting down with Austin and admitting he didn't know why it had freaked him out so much beyond the fact that it felt weird and embarrassing.
Christmas was at their place this year. A huge planned affair too. All of Beau's family, all of Austin and Angel's, and all of Rose's. Not one person expected it to be a usual celebration. They were all well-aware that Beau wanted this because he was scared it might be his last Christmas and they wanted to make it something he would remember. His luck just wasn't in his favour at all lately. The past two days had been good, but of course today would be the one it all fell apart at the seams. Austin and Beau's brothers were with him at the hospital that day. He tried to keep in the spirit, but he was waning once the IV was coming to an end and the nausea was setting in.
He also was unsteady on his feet. Getting up after the dose, his legs had given out on him and Austin had caught him so he didn't fall. That was the moment it seemed to hit Austin how much weight Beau had lost. Beau saw the look in his eyes when Austin's arms had been closed around him. It was easy to miss with Beau basically living in baggy and comfortable clothing these days because he felt the cold and couldn't handle tight things. Austin didn't have to say anything. The fact he was thinking it was bad enough and Beau didn't want to make it worse for him by asking him what was wrong. They got him a wheelchair and they brought it home with them so he didn't have to walk. It helped the nausea a little to be off his feet, and seeing how amazing the room looked with the tree, and all the presents, with everyone in the room, he hadn't been able to not smile, despite feeling pretty shitty.
The head-to-toe pain was there and the awful sick feeling. He slapped on a brave face and was okay with everyone greeting him. There were a lot of soft and gentle hand-holding or pats on the shoulder. Hugs were out of the question, as much as he wished they weren't. He had a Rudolph bandanna on his head with a Santa hat over the top and a pair of red track pants with a pyjama top with Christmas trees all over it. It was only when Austin helped him from the wheelchair to the sofa for the present opening that the brave face slipped and he curled in on himself a little, requesting the music be turned down a little because it was hurting his ears. The hardest part was watching everyone try to act like everything was fine. They were doing a good job, but they couldn't avoid the tiny, covert glances of concern at him, and just a general sensation of trying to make it as easy on him as possible. Whether he wanted to admit it out loud or not, he felt about as Christmassy as a knitting needle through the nuts.
The presents had piled up around him, and just kept going. All he could do was just look at them blankly, knowing he was never going to be able to open them all. Or any. Austin stayed close to him, sitting on the arm rest of the sofa beside him and softly caressing the nape of Beau's neck, the tender touch just letting him know he wasn't alone. It was exactly what Beau needed. In a roomful of people, feeling alone was ironic, but it's how he felt in the battle most of the time right now. With the presents distributed, everyone was ripping into them. Beau got the tape off one edge of his first present and the nausea increased tenfold. He didn't want to throw up in front of everyone, no matter how strategically placed a bucket was behind the sofa just in case.
He got up, shoving the huge pile of his presents out of the way and knocking them into Angel sitting on the floor beside the sofa, and just walked out. At least he didn't fall flat on his face. He was on his knees in front of the toilet, one arm over the bowl to give him something to rest his head on, and the other hugging it to hold him upright. He was sick over and over again. There was no stopping it. He just had to let it come. When it finally stopped, he twisted to sit slumped against the wall, narrowly missing bumping his head on the toilet roll holder. He peeled the hat and bandanna off, closely followed by the pyjama top when he felt like he was burning up. Then he just started to cry, softly and quietly, not even having the energy for any sort of sobbing.
He hadn't even realised Austin had been there with him the whole time. Sitting just behind him on the edge of the bathtub and holding a red plastic cup with snowflakes on it and a straw with a plastic Christmas tree ornament hanging from it. There was apple juice inside, which was basically the only thing Beau could tolerate when he was like this. "I want to go to my bed," he told him tearfully, not able to fight it any longer. "You have to go have Christmas for me," he soon added, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand.
Austin came and sat down beside him then, an arm slipping softly around Beau's shoulders to nurse his head while he helped him drink some of the apple juice. Later in the afternoon, when it was close to getting dark, Beau woke up to find all his presents unwrapped and neatly stacked near the wall by the bed so he could see them all, with the Christmas tree pulled in there from the living room with everyone's stockings strung up along the wall.
That was when he realised it wasn't his potentially last Christmas, it was his first with the most amazing husband a guy could ever be blessed with.