"It's Mark," Alec relented quietly, trying to massage the band of pain that felt like it was being pulled tightly across his forehead. He could tell by the location of where the headache had settled that it was tension as much as a hangover. "This latest breakdown for him as been next level. Which is understandable in hindsight. Sammy and I had some really tough and painful chats when we knew Mark had started drinking again. We both had suspicions that there was way more to it than just falling off the wagon when he heard Sammy had cancer and I put it out there that it was probably time to consider that there was a chance he could have bipolar too. I could see it wasn't the same typing as Justin's. Mark's presents in a very different way. Justin's Rapid-Cycling with mixed episodes, so he goes from manic to depressed quickly and repeatedly, sometimes both at the same time. His triggers are associated with his trauma or emotional stress. Sparky is clearly Bipolar II. He has more depressive symptoms and his highs aren't clear-cut mania, they're hypomanic. Less severe, less frequent. How much of a workaholic he is has likely been a symptom for a long time. There's trauma there too but it's different. His relates to a deep-seated feeling of failure to protect the people he loves. The first breakdown was when we though Jim had been murdered. The second was when he found out Justin was a sexual abuse victim. Then now, with Sammy's diagnosis. He drank to self-medicate and to sustain him through the hypomania where he couldn't switch off to keep working ridiculous hours on little sleep. The part I'm struggling with is we only knew to look once Jus was in our lives and we learned how severe his mental illnesses were because they went so long undiagnosed and untreated. Plus, Sparky being the big brother, he's had a lifetime of learning to mask in ways Justin is unable. Like, you look at Jus when he's having an episode, you can see it. You can hear it. You know if he's manic or depressed or both. It can escalate or change very quickly, but we see the signs. You don't with Sparky. Until he's at his absolute worst and everything's crashing down around him, you don't see it. He doesn't even see it. I feel guilty about that because he's my brother and I'm a psychiatrist. Not even merely a psychiatrist, I'm a trauma specialist. While it's much easier to care for Justin and understand why his symptoms are doing what they are and the best way to manage them, I'm the same age as Sparky and I don't see when he probably needs help. Part of that is because he's so used to being the big brother - and a father - and shouldering everything to protect us, that doesn't take away the fact he's sick too. This what has happened isn't his fault. He wouldn't have drank knowing he was going to the hospital for Justin. But he was so stressed about Justin possibly not being able to hold himself up on the bars, he had a brain fart and fucked up using strong alcohol sanitiser on his hands a couple of times without thinking. We couldn't see it coming, it was an error, but the last thing he or Sammy needed was me rocking up during a crisis with a hangover. Have you talked to anyone about being sick and being diagnosed with a disease you'll have for the rest of your life? Not the surface-level stuff, the emotional grief-process that comes with that. I realise the irony of me asking that when I've just word-vomited all over you about my problems. I'm sorry, love."