"Yeah, of course I do. There's never fucking been anyone else, K. No one had a chance of coming close. I know you think that's just because of my demanding job and being in Defence all those years but it's not. I'm not scared of what's hard or complicated. Logistics fucked us over, I get that. It was just hard for me to see a solution that didn't mean you would be forced to hurt. That's the reason I never asked you not to go, or never asked you to stay. And I won't. But I hope it at least helps a little to have some context on that, that it wasn't because I didn't want you to stay. I couldn't, in my own conscience, ask you to do something that was hurting you. But I also couldn't offer to go back with you because I will always stand by the promises I made to Justin and Mark, to protect Justin's life with all the tools I have." Alec paused and had to put his hand to his mouth when a wave of nausea swelled again. He took a few moments to breathe through it and then swallowed it back. "Sorry, this nausea's a stubborn bitch. I can't remember the last time I felt this crook. Maybe I'm going out in sympathy for Sparky and Sammy. Fucking happy hour booze. If we can meet in the middle on that, and you really do think you can be okay trying to live in the States again, then I'll do whatever I can to try to make this work this time. But I just want to apologise in advance for the times that gets tough and strains us, because it will. Overall, Jus has honed his coping mechanisms like a fine art but I don't know what's going to happen if his recovery is impeded or Sash's brain injury means he never recovers capacity to be in a relationship with Jus. That's what we're all trying to brace for. For us, though? For our relationship, I'll make sure I'm nurturing it just as much and being present for you. I just might stumble sometimes but feel free to call me out on it, and rub my nose in this very conversation to remind me."