Alec was going to answer with saying that Kade said the reason he went back home to Sydney and didn't return to New York was because Alec was so tied up with his family... until he realised that wasn't really what Kade said at all. Kade had said the reason he decided to stay in Sydney and break up wit Alec was that he was homesick because Alec was, granted, tied up with his family but all Kade wanted was a relationship that wasn't empty and one-sided. It was true, he had never said he had an issue with the support Alec was giving his family, he just wanted a place to fit into that too. There was a huge difference. "No, you didn't," he murmured, sinking back onto the pillows. "You only had an issue with being pushed away and not included, and I guess that can't even be called an 'issue'. It was valid and I shouldn't have just buried my head in the sand. When I realised just how difficult Justin finds trusting people to help him with the worst of his mental illnesses, and that he did actually let me in with it, I didn't want to let him down. But I was also terrified he'd complete on my watch. I still am. We all are. I think when you left, I was just trying to settle in to the vastly different life over there and misread you leaving as you not wanting to be in it all with me. The thing is, I wouldn't have blamed you, which is why I never pushed. Uprooting your entire life to another country is huge enough but to be all-in on family struggles like mine is a whole other ball game. I really thought the half-in, half-out thing would work for us. It would still give you connection to home and the water during the Aussie summer away from the shitty US winter. It was just too much distance, I get that now. Are you saying you want to try again? Just... not like that."