Jace had a mouthful of pasta when Jesse said that but still managed to give him a grin. He licked some of the sauce from his lips and washed it down with a drink. But when Jesse asked him a pretty heavy question that he couldn't immediately recall the answer to, he put his fork on the side of his plate so he could softly caress his his fingers over the back of his neck. "I guess I did blame myself but I didn't know that was what it was. It was at a time where my emotions were all, like, mixed up. I didn't know how to even communicate what I was feeling. It was just like, fuck, I turned my brother into an alcoholic. Maybe when I was about sixteen? I was old enough to know what alcoholic meant and that because of my accident, that's why he did it. But didn't have the capacity to connect that it wasn't my fault, it was because he blamed himself. For awhile there, I kinda felt like everything was my fault. My family was different. They all had to take care of me. They treated me different. I lost friends. But the guilt thing? It's just sort of natural when you love your family. You don't want them hurting in any way and it's hard when they do. I saw and felt that but didn't understand that was what they were feeling for me. Brain injury is so fucking weird. Even now, I know on my bad days, my brain's being dumb. It's frustrating when I can't explain how."
"Fuck them." His words were blunt and delivered like he was almost spitting them out. The sizzling anger he had felt when he went to South Carolina to confront Jesse's mother when Ethan, a neurology resident working with Evan at the hospital and close friend, discovered from an anomaly in his medical records that there was no way his father could be his biologically. Jesse had been unconscious after a serious seizure and Jace went to demand his mother come clean about how Jesse was conceived and who his real father was, so he could be armed with the information when they revealed it to Jesse. Jace had been furious. He didn't understand how anyone could've treated his husband like that when Jesse was such a sweet, kind, and beautiful person. He didn't deserve it. Of course, it turned out to be worse. Jesse's upbringing was awful because of religion and bigotry. Those feelings resurfaced here and his protective streak for his husband came surging back. "No, seriously, baby. Fuck them. Neither you nor Merlin are anything even remotely close to what they have painted you to be. And what they've painted you to be is fucking atrocious. They had no fucking right to put their shit on you. Your relationship with Merlin is all that matters now. With Damien too. I know you pretty much consider him a brother now. I know you need to feel all this because it's being dragged back up. But you're exhausted too. When you talk to Merlin about everything, I want you to tell him that. Okay? Because I think admitting that to him will really help. You know why? Because you did the same with me when we met and you saw when I struggled, admitted to me you did too. That some days, it was just shit. I think finding out you weren't the person you always thought you were is huge and you and Merlin have both gone through that. He needs to know how it impacted you. I really do think now's the time. Then you can rest and lock it away again."
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"Fuck them." His words were blunt and delivered like he was almost spitting them out. The sizzling anger he had felt when he went to South Carolina to confront Jesse's mother when Ethan, a neurology resident working with Evan at the hospital and close friend, discovered from an anomaly in his medical records that there was no way his father could be his biologically. Jesse had been unconscious after a serious seizure and Jace went to demand his mother come clean about how Jesse was conceived and who his real father was, so he could be armed with the information when they revealed it to Jesse. Jace had been furious. He didn't understand how anyone could've treated his husband like that when Jesse was such a sweet, kind, and beautiful person. He didn't deserve it. Of course, it turned out to be worse. Jesse's upbringing was awful because of religion and bigotry. Those feelings resurfaced here and his protective streak for his husband came surging back. "No, seriously, baby. Fuck them. Neither you nor Merlin are anything even remotely close to what they have painted you to be. And what they've painted you to be is fucking atrocious. They had no fucking right to put their shit on you. Your relationship with Merlin is all that matters now. With Damien too. I know you pretty much consider him a brother now. I know you need to feel all this because it's being dragged back up. But you're exhausted too. When you talk to Merlin about everything, I want you to tell him that. Okay? Because I think admitting that to him will really help. You know why? Because you did the same with me when we met and you saw when I struggled, admitted to me you did too. That some days, it was just shit. I think finding out you weren't the person you always thought you were is huge and you and Merlin have both gone through that. He needs to know how it impacted you. I really do think now's the time. Then you can rest and lock it away again."