Jesse swept his tongue over his lips and then put his mug to his lips, using the tea as a way to try to maintain his composure and not get too emotional. He had this shaky feeling inside, like an urge to cry that wasn't cry fully realising itself and he didn't know specifically where it was coming from. It was a mixed bag, none of which he wanted to completely lay on Cillian. It would be a leaning against the shower wall with the hard spray beating down on him with his head against the tiles and just letting it all come out later. "I think a lot of it is because Brandon's relapse has floored us all. Collectively as a family, we're pretty fragile and they haven't even told most people yet. It's a work in progress. I think Brandon wants to take it more steadily this time. Last time, by the time he had medical intervention, the leukemia was extremely aggressive. He waited too long, he thought he was just taking longer to recover from a bad flu bug and dealing with work burnout. It didn't cross his mind he could have cancer because how does it when you're young? This time, he was onto his medical team at the first sign. He has more breathing space but the timing has been atrocious. We didn't know Merlin was sick. It's common for him to get stomach upsets when he's stressed and he was stressed that Brandon could be relapsing. That's something he did specifically want me to convey to you, that he wasn't delaying you or holding you off because of you wanting to meet him or how it's all playing out. It's not at all. It's almost entirely down to Brandon being sick and getting over surgery. Even in saying that, Brandon's not obviously unwell. He's fatigued and his pallor gives him away a bit but believe it or not, just a few weeks ago, he was the most well he has been since we've known him. He'd been putting on weight, regaining strength working with a personal trainer, he had more energy, he was eating full meals. It's just one of those awful things about cancer. Actually, one of his doctors, Tara's Oncology Resident, he's one of my closest friends and had survived two bouts of the same type of leukemia Brandon has. It was just the same for him. He was fine, then the relapse hit out of nowhere. Just wanted to give you a little more context around it because when Merlin sees you, it'll be when Brandon's heading back into treatment, so it might just take an added layer of strength for you both. I think you being a doctor will really be a comfort to Merlin, knowing he doesn't have to spell it all out for you. But I should also warn you that Merlin might fire a pile of questions at you. He's just that type of person. He'll want to know as much about you as he can all at once but then it could take time for him to process it."

He looked over at the photos and put his mug down again, taking the wide opening to dodge drawing attention to his own struggles. Only because he was still trying to work out how he felt overall with everything that had dramatically changed in the last few weeks. "Of course. Sorry. I should've asked if you wanted to see some of their wedding photos. Hold on a second." He got up and went over to the bookshelf lining the wall near the fireplace and found the album of photos from Merlin and Brandon's wedding. "They had an incredible wedding. Merlin did a lot of the background work getting it together but everyone pitched in to help give them the special day they deserved. Very emotional and lots of tears, and Brandon was unwell on and off throughout, but it was still a fantastic day. They both actually found out that night at their reception that Merlin was a donor match. Before that, hope was dwindling. I'm not fully versed in the specifics of the Larsons adoption but no, I don't believe they ever made a choice for it to be 'closed' per se, just that they didn't want him to know my mother was who gave birth to him. I think they always planned to tell him once he was old enough to understand but it probably got harder to actually go through with it, so they never did. They're lovely people. They're not going to spite your presence. In fact, I think they'll welcome you with open arms. I'll eat my words if they don't. But I've known them my whole life. Damien and I have been best friends since babies. There was only nine months age difference between us. Our mothers went to the church mother and baby group together. You need to tell him that, spell it out to him. If there's one thing I wish my wn biological dad could've said to me, it was that he loved and wanted me. But I'll never know. Can only get secondhand opinions on it."