Jesse took a deep breath and then cleared his throat as he exhaled, shifting in his seat. "Yeah, um... Merlin doesn't know I went through conversion therapy. Not many folk do. They know I grew up in a strict religious family and they know my father hit me when I told them I was marrying a man. But when I came to New York, it wasn't just to escape all that, it was to have a fresh start and a place I could live at peace as who I really am. Even then, I had a tough time when I first got here. Just as I was about to crawl back with my tail between my legs because nothing was working out, I met Jace and he was this unbelievable beautiful miracle for me who literally changed my life. I know Merlin. I know the way his mind works. Even though it would be crazy for him to think it, he would feel guilty it was me and not him, or that he wasn't there for me. Then he would get angry at my mother all over again for not telling him about the adoption so we could be brothers from the get-go. Then he would get upset about the adoption again. He's had more than his fair share of things to be upset about, this doesn't need to be one of them. He's not ashamed about being adopted. It was never that. He was mostly hurt because he thought his family were ashamed of it, like he was their dirty little secret. It took time for him to process and understand that he was never a dirty little secret for them, he was just never viewed as 'adopted'. For them, he was always just there's and belonged with them and they didn't want him to have the weight of being 'othered' or looked at differently. The Larsons' hearts were in the right place and it took time for Merlin to begin to see that. And I know you might be thinking about Damien's input here. He didn't know Merlin was my mother's. He knew he was adopted and that was it. But he was only six at the time, so he didn't understand the extent of that and Merlin was just his baby brother from that day on, no questions asked. He was an incredible big brother to him. When the time comes that I know is right to tell Merlin about the conversion therapy, I will. I'm not actively keeping it from him, I'm actively trying to spare myself reliving it again because he will want to know everything. Merlin never really specifically came out. He identifies as pansexual and for him, the way he describes it, is he doesn't really see gender, he sees and is attracted to a person's essence, their inner corse. His ex-girlfriend, Cassidy, is trans and when he was dating her, that's when he began to understand his sexuality more. They both had a lot on their plates at the time, so they decided to just be friends and are best friends now but he didn't really come out, he just made he choice to be out with his family and friends. He only really went public with it after he met Brandon. He didn't date while he was dealing with the adoption shock. I know it's something he'd talk to you about if you ask him. That's one thing I'm relieved of for him, he has no trauma related to his sexuality. Damien's gay, so his family were fully supportive and his work environment couldn't be more diverse and accepting considering who is front and centre there. Plus, their boss is also an out proud gay man. You're not adding to his pressure, I want you to know that. He's not got any negative feelings towards you. He's just battle weary emotionally. He specifically said that you reaching out to him means something. He's always been very eloquent about expressing his feelings. I'd consider him a HSP, not surprising with his ADHD neurodivergence."

He smiled and as he did, took more of Cillian's physical features in. The resemblance was undeniable. Merlin looked more like Cillian than their mother. It made Jesse curious about the rest of Cillian's family and what parts of them Merlin inherited besides facial features and creative talent. Oh, and an hereditary autoimmune condition. That was a big WTF link, to say the least. Medically-speaking, Cillian might be able to ultimately give insight into how Merlin's disease could progress from how it had exhibited in his own relatives. "Ah, yes. He was, indeed, named after the wizard. Mrs Larson named him because she's fascinated with the Arthurian legend and loved the name. So, you're family wanted to be a bit extra about meeting him, huh?" he laughed, enjoying what Cillian was telling him. "Don't worry, when Merlin's comfortable with you, he can definitely be a bit extra himself. He loves people and loves talking. He'll talk anyone's ears off who'll listen. He's been like that as long as I can remember, save for when he was being bullied in school and withdrew a lot. Merlin will be able to access tickets for you and your family. One of the perks Caden ensure the cast of all his productions have. He even arranged for a performance once with scaled back lighting so Jace and I, as well as other fans with sensory issues, could see it. It was such a success, he does it every other month now."