Merlin pressed his hands over his face with a soft moan. "It's about everybody because I can't do any of it on my own. I ain't ever been the sort to know how to do much of anything alone and I don't want to. It was never even a... thing to wanna find the guy who I guess I just always thought of as a sperm donor. Like, I never thought of your mom as my mom, Jess. Thank fuck. So, I don't even think I considered much that I had a biological father out there somewhere. I know that sounds dumb because it's obvious, I'm adopted. But I didn't. Because even though I was pissed off with everyone for a time when I found out, I didn't wanna replace my family or my folks. I know that's not what this is even about now. Now that it's a thing that I didn't even have to think about or make any choices to find, it's just, like, happening, I guess I'm curious about him. My genetics and all that. But then I feel guilty thinking about it. I don't wanna hurt anyone or anyone to think I'm looking to replace them. It's just so fucking much to think about and my brain feels like it ain't working right now." When he took his hands away again to look at Jesse when he brought Brandon up, nothing but sheer worry all over his face. "You're right. I know. And this is probably gonna sound stupid when I say it but I worry it's gonna make him feel even more conscious he ain't got a family of his own. I don't mean me or us. Family through our marriage and all that. His own family. I've got, like, parents and brothers all over the place. He's got no one, not even one person he can call on to be a more reliable donor match than I turned out to be. My bone marrow gave him GvHD. I wanted to do everything I could do make this time 'round easier for him but this ain't exactly gonna help anything, is it? I wanna wrap him up in cotton wool and get him to just sit still 'til he gets better again. If he can... But it ain't what he wants. It's the opposite of what he wants."