Hang on, what? Fuck. How come I never realised that? I feel like I should've known that. The DNR he had was only for if he was in hospital? I guess I just assumed it was a sweeping thing. I feel like a lot of this is going to come up again, with what's happening with Brandon. I'm just waiting until he brings things up. He was so upset, darling. Like, it was a pretty epic cry. I'm starting to understand how depression is for him. It's like his battery is completely flat. I can just tell when he's having a bad day and he doesn't push me away. It's hard, for sure, but our restart just feels easier for some reason. It's hard to explain. If it happens, I'm ready to fight with him. But please, please keep doing all you can to try to prevent it. I feel sick when I think about facing losing him again. The way he looked when he stopped breathing in bed that day and you doing CPR on him, it's locked in my mind forever.