"I think the question is, are you in the middle with him? Jude, sweetie, you're right in the fact that Winnie's a sweetheart and he's laidback. You're also bang on the money about the mysterious mischievousness... sort of. Like, I can see how you might read it as that but that's not really what you're seeing. He's just comfortable with you. He's an open book. When he's comfortable with someone, he's relaxed. He's playful, he's cheeky. If he wasn't, he would be a closed book. His introvert walls would be up. When they are, he's much more reserved. He'd be overly playing it safe. There wouldn't have been dates that last for two nights and trips to the other side of the world together within days of it." Reecy held her hands up, shaking her head. "Uh-ah. Before you give me the whole 'These are extraordinary circumstances' spin, that still wouldn't matter with Winnie if he wasn't feeling this. The extra-long date, the asking you to come on this trip with him? Hell, the letting you be on sick bucket duty when he usually doesn't want anyone near him when he's unwell, even. That, my beautiful-but-sometimes-basic-ex, is Winnie in the middle with you. All-in. Maybe as in the middle with someone as I've ever seen him. So, let yourself keep feeling whatever it is you're feeling until you get to that amazing moment when you can finally identify what it is. It's never just one thing and it's never black and white. And it's okay if you need reassurance on all of this. That doesn't make you behind the relationship 8-Ball. We all need that when we're getting back on the love horse. Which sounds way dirtier than I intended it to. I can't even blame the preggo hormones for that one."
She put her hand on her stomach, looping the tie of her silk PJ bottoms around her finger when she went quiet again, thinking on Jude's question about the baby. "You have a place, okay? Of course, you do. You're still Billy's big brother and he's like another brother to me, just like Smooshie is. Just now even more so because Winnie is the Robin to my Batman. He's going to be my baby's godfather or whatever more appropriate label we decide on for that. Ky and I are in the process of trying to figure out how we are. Beyond terrified, I mean. Not of having a baby but of everything that could go wrong again. See, what I said about hope? It doesn't quite carry over into having a baby when you have a really bad miscarriage and complicated abortion in your past. The heart and the uterus are two very different organs, I've realised. I was never much a fan of the latter, only now I have to put a lot of faith into it when I've spent many months trying to pretend it doesn't exist. Maybe not all that different to the heart after a breakup, huh? Just, losing a child and losing a relationship are two very different sorts of heartbreak. Which you know. But that's the thing with Ky. Something like assisted dying, it's the same sort of pain. We've got each other's backs. It's just getting over the shock of the surprise and taking it little by little so it doesn't all feel like such a massive mountain to conquer. It's another reason why I need to see Smooshie. Even without realising it, he grounds me. I'm so scared for him and Sash, it's hard to think about much else. If Sash doesn't make it, Justin's gone too. He won't make it back.I just really have to see him."
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She put her hand on her stomach, looping the tie of her silk PJ bottoms around her finger when she went quiet again, thinking on Jude's question about the baby. "You have a place, okay? Of course, you do. You're still Billy's big brother and he's like another brother to me, just like Smooshie is. Just now even more so because Winnie is the Robin to my Batman. He's going to be my baby's godfather or whatever more appropriate label we decide on for that. Ky and I are in the process of trying to figure out how we are. Beyond terrified, I mean. Not of having a baby but of everything that could go wrong again. See, what I said about hope? It doesn't quite carry over into having a baby when you have a really bad miscarriage and complicated abortion in your past. The heart and the uterus are two very different organs, I've realised. I was never much a fan of the latter, only now I have to put a lot of faith into it when I've spent many months trying to pretend it doesn't exist. Maybe not all that different to the heart after a breakup, huh? Just, losing a child and losing a relationship are two very different sorts of heartbreak. Which you know. But that's the thing with Ky. Something like assisted dying, it's the same sort of pain. We've got each other's backs. It's just getting over the shock of the surprise and taking it little by little so it doesn't all feel like such a massive mountain to conquer. It's another reason why I need to see Smooshie. Even without realising it, he grounds me. I'm so scared for him and Sash, it's hard to think about much else. If Sash doesn't make it, Justin's gone too. He won't make it back.I just really have to see him."