"Drunk talks, then drunk sleeps."

[writeyourownending]

Who: Winston Slater and Jude Willis
What: First date fails
Where: The Library Hotel, NYC
When: After this

Jude was quickly reminded how much of a lightweight Winston was. He had only seen Winston drunk a collective twice in the entire time he had known him. He usually stuck to a couple of light beers, if he drank at all. Mostly, he had been the designated driver. But after sharing a bottle of prosecco with dinner, followed by a glass of wine with dessert, they went to the hotel’s rooftop bar for ‘literary inspired cocktails’. They got swept up in conversation and views of the city, losing track of how many they were having.

Winston had just been telling him a story about the time he was hit on by a pretty famous female popstar when he was interviewing her for the magazine he was working for at the time. Jude was hooked on every word. Not because he was interested in the popstar who sounded like she got too handsy for her own good but because he had discovered over the course of the last few hours that he really loved listening to Winston talk. He was softly spoken and eloquent, and Jude loved how descriptive he was when he told stories. He was also insightful and clearly had a deep wisdom that came from being a quiet observer of the world. He had always know Winston was a nice guy but this being the first time he had really had a deep one-on-one with him that didn’t involve — or was about — Reecy, Jude was noticing so much about him he missed just being the boyfriend of Winston’s best friend.

Winston’s curls were blowing softly in the breeze where they sitting at a corner table of the exterior bar and Jude took in the way his nose scrunched and his dimples were so prominent when he laughed as he described the way he had to dodge the popstar’s wandering hands with a strategically placed notebook over his lap. They were sitting close enough that their legs were touching and when Jude had placed his hand on Winston’s knee, Winston wrapped his around it and laced their fingers together. It was beyond nice to have that romantic physical touch with someone again after so long. It was just a bonus that it was with someone so gorgeous. Jude couldn’t take his eyes off him. He laughed with him, shaking his head. “You’re probably one of the only bi or straight dudes in the world who would’ve turned down her advances, you know. Some people would’ve actually paid a fortune to be on the receiving end. Look at that time a date with Justin was auctioned off for charity. Some rich tycoon paid literally millions for his daughter to win it, nothing more than a couple of hours in his presence. See? Fame. It’s nuts.”

Scrunching his nose up, Winston laughed again. Or, considering he was more than a little tipsy now, it came out more like a giggle-snort. “She’s really not my type.” He shrugged, taking the last mouthful of his cocktail and placed the glass down on the table in front of them. He ran his tongue over his lips, the sweetness of the elaborate mixology of different spirits that he couldn’t name if he tried. Keeping track of what he was drinking stopped a good few rounds ago. He was pretty much already, as Justin would say, half-cut from the shared bottle of prosecco over dinner. The thing was, even if he was comfortable earlier in the evening and easily relaxed into the night once it was evident it wouldn’t be awkward spending time alone together with Jude, he was still an introvert and things like first dates didn’t come easily to him. Drinks were always something to do with your hands. At least, besides the fact they had been holding hands for awhile now. That was way nicer than toying with the stem of a glass as they talked. His eyes turned back to Jude and he leaned in a little closer, and with a burst of boldness, suggested, “Should we go to the room now? It’s getting a little crowded and noisy here. I kinda just want you to myself for awhile. I’m not ready for this to stop yet. Unless you are…?”

“Me either,” Jude replied without any hesitation, even if he was surprised it was Winston to make the first move with that. He really thought he would’ve been the one to suggest moving things to the room they were checked into but Winston continued to take him pleasantly by surprise at every turn with this date. He rose from his seat and offered his hand to Winston to help him up, giving his pocket the required quick pat to make sure he had his wallet, phone, and keys before they left the bar.

Even with the helping hand, as soon as Winston stood up, the alcohol went straight to his head and he stumbled a little but Jude easily caught him with secure arm around his waist. Snickering at himself, he reflexively looped his arm around Jude too as he righted his balance. “It’s okay. I’m good. I’m good… Phew, I think that last one was strong. Well, that would’ve been an awkward moment, falling on my ass on the first date.”

“I wouldn’t let that happen. You got everything?” Jude asked, grabbing his and Winston’s jackets, tossing them both over his arm to carry. Winston didn’t let go of his waist so they kept their arms around each other as they took the short stroll to the elevator. “Hang on, I might just take a quick wiz before we head up. You right for a minute?”

Winston snorted in amusement, nodding. “Is that the clinical term, Nurse Willis?” he teased and took their jackets from Jude to hold while he waited. Jude was laughing when bounded across the foyer to where the bathroom sign was directing him. Winston leaned back against the wall, not entirely trusting his own feet to keep him upright and smiled to himself watching Jude go. There was something so easy about tonight but he couldn’t figure out why. It just was. Maybe he wasn’t supposed to figure it out. The booze had loosened him up and stopped his usually over-active mind from overthinking and intricately analysing everything. It meant there was more room for noticing things like the cute way Jude nudged his glasses up the bridge of his nose when he read the menu and trying to map out what all his tattoos — that he could see — were. He definitely had more since when he was dating Reecy. Winston really, really liked ink on a guy.

Jude was soon on his way back and stopped at the reception desk for a few before he came back to Winston at the elevators, taking the coats off him and hitting the number to their floor. “Miss me?” he joked.

“‘Course,” Winston threw back easily with a smile, reaching for Jude’s hand to pull him closer. “What did you need at reception?”

“Just ordered a bottle of bubbly to be sent up to our room. Figured we should drink to a successful date, right? Even if it’s not over yet. Better to enjoy it while we can still remember it, right?” While they waited for the elevator, Winston was still leaning back against wood-panneled wall by the bays and Jude stood between his legs, looking over his face with a smile. “You’re cute when you’re tipsy, you know,” he murmured, feeling the chemistry sparking between them. He could tell by the way Winston was looking at him that he was feeling it too. Jude wanted to kiss him. He really wanted to kiss him. More than kiss him. Which might’ve been exactly what happened, if the elevator didn’t ding and yank them out of the moment. “That’s us.”

Winston blinked and glanced at the elevator when Jude stepped back. The way Jude had been leaning up against him and their lips were so tantalizingly close, he had been about to go in for a kiss when the elevator interrupted. For a couple of moments there, he forgot they were in a hotel. “Right. Us,” he repeated, using his shoulder to nudge himself away from the wall. Thankfully this time, he didn’t stumble like the clumsy dork he could sometimes be when he was drunk. He waited, letting Jude step into the elevator first so he could take advantage of the opportunity to cop a decent perve on his ass in those perfectly-fitted beige chinos. The view definitely didn’t disappoint but the intimate moment had passed… for now.

When the elevator doors swung closed, they stood with their shoulders touching. Jude casually slipped his arm around Winston again, giving his back a little affectionate caress, enjoying the closeness. “So, I just have to ask… why wasn’t Miss Grabbyhands Popstar your type? You’ve not been with a girl in the time I’ve known you, so I have to say I’m curious. At first, I always just assumed you were gay until Reec told me you’re bi when she said you were her first. She also said there was a hell of a story behind that,” he added with a mischievous grin.

“Because she had grabby hands,” Winston laughed, shrugging. “Nah, not really. I don’t mind grabby hands with the right person. She was too forward and presumptuous. I don’t like people taking liberties and assuming I want them in my personal space without being invited. Plus, she’s arrogant as all hell. If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s arrogance. As you can imagine, in my line of work, I’ve dealt with a lot of narcissists and they’re very much their own breed. I’ve worked out how to handle them over time but I’ve also been treated like shit a lot. Many like to think they can dicate how I write. They can dictate what I write, not how. The thing is, sure, I’m bi but my preference is dating males when it comes to relationships. I’m just sexually attracted to all genders.”

They arrived at their room and Winston waited for Jude to dig the card to open the door out of his pocket. Another snort escaped Winston and he waved his hand, shaking his head. “Ohhh, no no. I’m not nearly drunk enough yet to tell that story. Seriously. I might never spill it. It’s something that should be taken to my grave but it happens to be with Ree so there’s no way she’ll ever let that happen. I’m impressed to hear she didn’t spill it to you. Baby girl has my back. Sometimes. Just not when she’s matchmaking me with her ex. That seriously should be weird, shouldn’t it? This doesn’t feel weird at all,” he finally told Jude directly rather than just to himself in his head.

“It really doesn’t,” Jude agreed with a smile but when he followed Winston into the room (hey, he wanted to take advantage of a prime view himself but it wouldn’t be the first time he’d checked Winston’s ass out that night) and nearly bumped into Winston’s back when he had suddenly stopped short in his tracks. He stepped up beside him and saw why. The bed was covered in scattered red and pink rose petals with a book about love propped up against the pillows. He laughed with a flicker of embarrassment, really hoping this didn’t make things take a seriously awkward turn. “Well, now it might. Ah, so this is what they meant when they said we had a free upgrade. But on the upside, looks like we also got chocolate-dipped strawberries.” He gestured over to the table by the window

Winston took one look at the bed and cracked up laughing. “Only if someone got rose petals in their butt crack. I’m told that’s totally a hazard of too much romance.” He patted Jude on the back and had a quick look around the room, heading towards the little connected balcony. “This is really nice. My inner introvert is loving the fact there is only one other person here and he’s one I really, really want spend more time with.” Leaning back against the balcony railing, he reached for Jude’s hand and gave it a squeeze, finding it surprisingly easy to hold his gaze despite starting to feel a little lightheaded from the prosecco and cocktails medley.

Something inside Jude that he hadn’t felt in a very long time sparked in him when Winston said he was someone he really, really wanted to spend more time with. He easily let Winston take his hand and stepped close to him, enjoying how relaxed Winston was and the cute little flush in his cheeks now he had a good few drinks in him was clearly moving beyond tipsy. “Well, now I’m just curious who you were having conversations about buttcracks and rose petals with,” he chuckled, squeezing Winston’s hand back.

Snorting in amusement, Winston smirked. “Justin, of course. Kid has a real natural knack for telling stories with a streak of Aussie humour. No doubting his genetic makeup.” That’s when there was a knock at the door and he had to reluctantly release Jude’s hand so he could go receive the ice bucket with a bottle of champagne perched inside wrapped in a red ribbon and complete with a single red rose and a box of heart-shaped chocolates nestled beside it. “They’re really gunning for us to, like, elope in here tonight, huh?” he laughed.

Jude set the ice bucket on the cute little outdoor table, snickering. “Oh, I’m pretty sure they’re gunning for us to at least make good use of their bed. Speaking of,” he quickly added so it didn’t seem like he was pushing for that, though he was pretty sure Winston knew that by now. He started to peel the foil off the top of the bottle to get to the cork. “I’m going to need you to re-tell Justin’s story because it sounds like romance-gone-wrong and I’ve had way too many of those moments myself.”

“Oh, fuck, don’t I know it. Losing my virginity was literally the most epic romance-gone-wrong fail. And nope, I’m not telling you why,” Winston insisted with a snicker, waving his hand. “It was something along the lines of trying to surprise Sash with this super romantic surprise when they had a night away somewhere. Actually, I think Sash travelled with him to, like, a press call and it was something I was covering so he was recounting the story right after it happened. Bearing in mind, Sash is ace, so he’s not always vibing with sex stuff. Justin didn’t know what the fuss about rose petals was, so he just arranged for it anyway. He said the hotel went overboard with it, probably the whole VIP thing, but when they got undressed and were making out on the bed, Justin said he ended up with rose petals up his buttcrack and it was a total mood killer because it was distracting and Sash was like, ‘I don’t even feel like foreplay, let alone when it’s extracting half a florist out your bum!’ It’s all I can think about whenever I see rose petals now,” he added, struggling to control the laughter he had broken out into, to the point he was soon wiping tears from his eyes.

Before he had a chance to pop the top of the champagne bottle, Jude burst out laughing too. Both at the final part of the story and at Winston laughing. He had an adorable and hilarious drunk laugh. Reecy had told him once that Winston was a funny drunk but he wasn’t a big drinker so she generally only managed to get him to that point when he was trying to let his hair down. “I mean, I’m not at all opposed to foreplay involving the bum but I’m with Sash on this one. I once asked Justin how he and Sash figured stuff out once Sash realised he was asexual. You know what he said to me? A freaking eighteen year old kid lying on an ER bed at the time? ‘No two people ever want or need the same things in a relationship. How does anyone figure it out?’. That’s one thing that stuck with me so hard ever since.” He popped the cork and accidentally shot it over the balcony while the champagne fizzed over his hand that gripped the neck of the bottle. “Oh, shit!”

“Niiiice.” Winston grinned as he watched the cork sail over the balcony and then took the bottle off Jude to take a quick sip directly from the bottle. Some of it splashed down the front of his shirt but he wasn’t sober enough to care and just brushed the excess away with his palm, handing the bottle back to Jude. He leaned back against the railing again. “Jus is probably the wisest person I’ve spoken to in my life and I’ve interviewed a lot of people. It’s not in a blatant way, though. He doesn’t get around waxing lyrical like Dumbledore or Yoda. He watches and observes life. But more importantly, he listens and remembers shit. I asked him about it too, the ace factor with Sash. Fully expected him to use his Get Out of PR Free Card, as he once called it. Kinda like a journalistic safe word I gave him the first time I ever interviewed him that if there was any subject he didn’t want to talk about, we didn’t have to. No questions asked. Probably why he trusts me and ultimately offered me a job reporting on his tour and first options on all his exclusive breaking news. He said asexuality copped a lot of stereotyping and misrepresentation on what it really was, which it was none of. He said it’s more about what sex wasn’t, than what it was. At least for them. See? Another Justin pearl of wisdom. Then he just said something like, ‘You know that part of your mind where you’re curious and asking me about what being asexual is like is coming from? Yeah, Sash doesn’t have that part when it comes to sex.’ Couldn’t have put it in any better way for me to understand it, to be honest. It was… enlightening.”

Jude poured the champagne as he listened and gave Winston one of the glasses. “Sometimes I wish I didn’t have that part,” he joked with a laugh. “In a sense that, then I wouldn’t probably feel so lonely when I think about how long it’s been since my dick got any action that wasn’t my own hand. On the upside, at least there’s no risk I’ll get rose petals up my bum. Should we put some music on? Might drown out the background undertones of NYC nightlife a little. Traffic and sirens isn’t exactly the most romantic date soundtrack.” He took his phone from his pocket and held it up.

At the rose petals, Winston started to giggle again but at least this time, he was able to restrain himself with it. “Has it been because there was no opportunity for it or by choice because you’ve still been thinking you shouldn’t inflict yourself on someone because of everything that happened?” He barely noticed the NYC soundtrack, though. At least until Jude pointed it out. You got used to it when you lived there but it would be nice to have music to veil it. “Sure, music sounds good. Just nothing Justin’s singing or I’m never going to stop laughing at the rose petals. So, what should we drink to?”

“Maybe a bit of both. Not so much the latter recently, though. That was more covid. But after being out of action for so long, it’s easy to get rusty. Though after so much self-imposed punishment, there was probably a side order of falling into the comfort zone of, well, not getting out of my comfort zone. To be honest, mostly I’ve been worried about hurting someone again if they put their faith in me to give me a go. Even if I know I’m not the same person anymore, fears aren’t easy to leave at the door when putting one’s heart on the line again for the first time in a long time. Let alone being trusted with someone else’s heart.” Jude found an acoustic romance playlist and selected it to shuffle, hitting play on whatever song came up first. The first song up, Just You and I by Tom Walker, was fitting for them that night. A little bit of music kismet was always nice. He turned the volume down low so it didn’t intrude on their conversation. He found Winston easy to confide in about these things and it wasn’t all because he was Reecy’s best friend. Mostly, it was because Winston was easy to talk to and there was something in the way Winston met his eyes and held his gaze so intently — even tipsy and giggly — that told Jude how genuine he was. “How about we drink to… putting hearts on the line and romantic leaps of faith?”

Winston smiled at Jude and tapped their glasses together before taking a long sip from his. Resting his elbow on the balcony railing, he nursed the glass in his fingers but his gaze didn’t shift from Jude. “Sometimes, it takes someone else to have faith in us before we remember how to have faith in ourselves again. The problem with hurting someone and breaking their heart, it usually means yours gets broken in the process too. All broken hearts hurt. All need to figure out a way to heal. And the thing about any broken thing is even if it’s repaired, it’s not the same as it was before. There’s those little fault lines or weaknesses that remain and they work differently to how they did before. It’s just… ‘different’ doesn’t have to mean deficient, even if it usually means imperfect. Imperfect is… well, both parties still need care when they’re healing. Even when they’ve healed. It’s always scary to use something again once it’s repaired after being broken in case it breaks again.” He watched the bubbles in his glass momentarily before he put it back to his lips, watching Jude over the rim when he sipped from it again, then licked the remnants from his lips after he swallowed. “I already know all your fault lines. You won’t break me.”

The burning urge to kiss Winston was back but instead of taking that particular leap of faith just yet, Jude only moved closer so his and Winston’s shoulders were nestled together. “Even with a good few in you, you know how to use words to soothe even the rawest fault lines,” he told Winston softly with a smile. Taking Winston’s hand, he linked their fingers to give it a grateful squeeze. “I just doubt myself because I know it was all avoidable. Then again, without all that, Reec wouldn’t have realised Kyan was her soul mate and we wouldn’t be here tonight. With rose petals that hopefully don’t get lodged in uncomfortable places, champagne, and…” He picked up one of the handcrafted chocolates from the dish on the table by the ice bucket and held it up to offer to Winston. “It’s only seafood you’re allergic to, right? Want to sample more of the romantic props?”

Winston had another swig from his glass and nodded. “Only seafood. Pretty sure it’s unlikely there’s shellfish in heart-shaped truffles.” He leaned in and let Jude feed him the chocolate, taking a bite out of it. Some of the liqueur dripped on his chin and breaking into another wave of laughter, he caught the drops with his finger and licked it off. “Cherry. Pretty tasty. Sweet and probably puke-inducing if you indulged too much with booze but you wanna try?” After he finished off his own chocolate, he picked up another, this one with dark and white chocolate swirls crowning it, holding it to Jude’s lips. “I have a question, though, if you’re game. It’s a bit personal. You can skim over it if you want but it’s just something I’ve always been curious about.”

“Sure, I’m game. You can ask me about anything. You have me intrigued. I would’ve thought Reec told you just about everything there is to know.” Jude accepted the chocolate and licked his lips as the smooth sweetness melted over his tongue. “Mmm. Delicious. Something like hazelnut praline? Tastes a bit like Nutella, which I’m not opposed to at all. Practically grew up eating that stuff out of the jar with a spoon. Billy and I would always have to fight each other for it. First rule of Nutella Fight Club was always never tell Mom,” he laughed.

“Now I’m just imagining you dressed like Brad Pitt and duelling with spoons,” Winston laughed and grabbed his glass again, even if he was still holding Jude’s hand with his other. Somehow in their little chocolate exchange, his arm had come to be looped under Jude’s so they could continue to hold hands easily. It was nice. They fit well. At least, so far as they had experimented. The night was still relatively young.

The current song ended and the playlist moved onto a slow song — Can I Be Him by James Arthur — that Jude really loved. With a smile, he offered Winston his hand, holding it out for him to take. “Would you like to dance?”

Winston usually wasn’t much of a dancer (probably even less these days after dating a Broadway musical actor) but he always considered slow dancing in a different category to something like going clubbing. It meant more, it could be a precursor to more, and the ‘more’ could be many different things. It was intimacy, like a hug or a caress, and those were all the types of things Winston cherished when dating someone. He wasn’t sure what tonight would bring, if any of this. At Jude asking him to dance, he smiled and put his hand in Jude’s palm, letting him gently tug him away from the railing. Before he had a chance to be clumsy on his feet, Jude’s arm slipped around his waist and they came together in a close, easy embrace. He draped his arm around Jude’s shoulders and they began to slow dance together.

Even if Jude was feeling a little nervous here and had the urge to try to keep the conversation going in case things got awkward, he didn’t let the anxiety born of being rusty with dating dictate what was happening. Winston locked gazes with him and his green eyes suddenly seemed so much more intense than they had when chatting. Even if he was sure they very nearly could’ve kissed earlier, this was the closest he had been to Winston; close enough to see the shade of green his eyes were with blue-almost-teal flecks in them. His senses felt like they were all suddenly piqued and he was drawn to the warmth of Winston’s hand when it brushed the nape of his neck as they embraced. He had already noticed much earlier that Winston had invitingly-warm hands but the touch to more than just his own hand now triggered something inside Jude that he really hoped he was supposed to be feeling and it wasn’t too soon.

Even with a bit of booze in him, Winston really wasn’t slow on the uptake when it came to reading people. He felt the chemistry between them but also noticed the fleeting spark of hesitation in Jude. It was momentary and as soon as he spotted it, he was sure it was passing but still, it was there. Maybe a touch of self-doubt or uncertainty on whether it was time to take a leap of faith on this but he couldn’t let thoughts like that ruin this moment for Jude. He didn’t let it eventuate. Seizing the moment as soon as it hit, he caught Jude’s lips with his. It wasn’t urgent or rushed but there was also no hesitation once the kiss began. Jude reciprocated and he tasted so good.

It would’ve been easy for Jude to take this to the next level. So damn easy. To say he was hot for Winston was an understatement but he didn’t want this to just be a hookup. He didn’t want it to be rushed. There was no need. Winston was an incredible kisser, something he remembered Reecy telling him long ago. She had laughed and reminded him to never underestimate the shy quiet ones. Winston was definitely one of those contradictory types of people, a lot like Kyan was. Reecy had a type, without a doubt. Jude had never been one of those. He was a what-you-see-is-what-you-get types and he had come to value that in himself, even if it caused him problems in the past. But now, he was going to enjoy basking in Winston’s contradictions… in the fact he was an amazing kisser and seemed to be a pretty handsy drunk, despite the fact he had been restrained and a little reserved earlier on.

He let the kiss linger, but only until he started to get hard and he was pretty sure Winston was too. They weren’t quite close enough in the embrace for him to really feel it but as he eased out of the kiss, Winston reflexively pulled him a little closer and he felt something. He smiled and rested his forehead against Winston’s, beginning to sway together with the music again. “That was nice,” he murmured, wetting his lips and still tasting Winston there. “Pretty sure Reec was right when she told me way back when that you really know how to use your tongue.”

Winston laughed, dropping his head back. He was glad Jude still had a hold of him, though, because it gave him a little bit of a headspin. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, righting himself in the embrace but still kept his arms draped over Jude’s shoulders. When he lifted his head again, their eyes locked and he mapped his tongue over his lips. After only a moment of two of hesitation, he invited Jude back into another tender, soft kiss. They shared a string of these leisurely kisses as they danced until the song ended and Winston cleared his throat, releasing the embrace but letting his hand drop down to take Jude’s, giving it a squeeze. “Sorry, I’m going to have to briefly ruin the moment and duck to the bathroom. I’ll be right back,” he promised but before he stepped away, he dropped one more brief kiss to Jude’s lips with a smile.

Jude watched Winston go, checking out his ass yet again. He couldn’t help it. Winston had managed to pick the most perfect pair of pants that showed off how gorgeous it was. Jude had to take a deep breath and shake himself off a little, taking the brief time alone to adjust himself in his pants and moved back out onto the balcony to check his phone which he had turned down at the start of the date. There was a few texts from Lorenzo asking him if it was going okay and one from Clint telling him that it was 100% okay to rim on the first date. Jude nearly laughed out loud at that. He wouldn’t expect anything less from Clitty but there was a huge gap between a first kiss and a slow dance to all-out rimming. They had a long way to go before he learned what Winston did or didn’t like in bed. Rimming wasn’t a foregone conclusion for every guy who liked guys, even if Clint probably thought it was. He heard the toilet flush, so he didn’t bother answering, instead pocketing his phone and topping their glasses up with some more bubbly, noticing that they had gone through quite a bit of the bottle already. He had to remember, he had a much higher tolerance to alcohol than Winston because he had been a pretty heavy drinker for awhile there, before it bit him in the ass and he had to get his life back on track.

Winston stepped back out onto the balcony and accepted his glass again when Jude offered it. He stood close to Jude, leaning on the railing and looking at the view down below. Watching the stream of car headlights made him go cross-eyed, though, so he glady shifted his gaze back to Jude, smiling. “Are you having a nice time?” he asked, enjoying the soft balmy night breeze on his alcohol-flushed face. He took a long drink from the glass, by now barely even noticing what he was drinking, and then helped himself to another one of the gourmet chocolates.

“The nicest I’ve had in a very long time,” Jude confirmed, slipping his arm around Winston’s waist, caressing his hip. “Not that I didn’t think I would. It’s just that I really didn’t want to come into it with any expectations. I just wanted to enjoy it for what it was, without really knowing what it was,” he had to admit, scrunching his nose up with a sheepish smile.

The way Jude’s nose scrunched was cute as hell and Winston gave him a little affectionate nudge with his shoulder. “You mean, whether you should’ve checked the expiry date on the condoms in your wallet or not,” he teased lightly and rested his tongue between his lips as he tried not to laugh. “Don’t worry. I know mine are fine because Ree stashed a fresh strip in there. She’s been trying to get me laid for weeks now. For some reason, she thinks I’ve been wallowing in singledom misery since my breakup and it’s now time for me to get my head out of my butt and do something about it. See? This is what happens when an extrovert adopts an introvert for their lifelong BFF project.”

Chuckling, Jude shook his head and swirling his glass, watching the bubbles dance to the surface before he took another drink. “And were you? Wallowing, I mean? I think I totally was for awhile but I had to learn to live a life where a relationship didn’t have to define me. More that I wanted it to just compliment a somewhat fulfilled life if it happened again.”

“If? Not ‘when’?” Winston shrugged, balling the little paper cup the chocolate had been in between his fingers and flicked it over the balcony. “Wallowing would mean I regretted the split. I don’t. It all came to a natural end and we knew that it was over before it turned bad. It happened slowly but then we just woke up one day and knew it was the end. I don’t think that’s a bad place to be in. No breakup is easy but I was lucky that my situation with Romeo was less agonising pain and more a sense of resoluteness that we’d grown apart and that maybe it was never destined to go the distance because of how different we were. How different our life goals were and how our ambitions functioned. Sometimes, some things aren’t meant to be. I can’t really wallow in something I have peace with. It was more just… I don’t think I have a lot of sexual urge unless there’s an emotional connection with someone, you know? I learnt from Sash via Justin that that’s a thing. Gave me a lot to think about. Not to the point where I’ve felt I’ve had to label anything, though. It’s just me, it’s who I am. It’s who I’ve always been. It’s not solely introversion and shyness.”

That was a pretty deep thing for Winston to be telling Jude. That wasn’t lost on Jude at all. It sounded like it might’ve even been something Winston hadn’t gotten to the point of talking to Reecy about either or she wouldn’t have done the condom thing. For all Reecy’s prodding and teasing, she would never disrespect anyone’s personal boundaries if she was aware of what they were. “So, like, in the asexual arena somewhere? Dipping your toes into it, on some level? Have you spoken to Sash about it? He’s a really insightful kid, like Justin is. But I know how complex sexuality can be. There’s a reason it’s represented with a rainbow. There’s nothing grey about it. I’m glad you told me. I can really see how that would be a part of you, just from what I know of you. It’s not just being introverted or feeling awkward dating or flirting or hooking up. You need that connection and you’ve expressed that clearly to me.”

Winston held the sip of champagne in his mouth, feeling the bubbles on his tongue. He didn’t answer right away, instead swallowing slowly and eventually giving a little nod with an accompanying shrug. “Maybe. Can’t say I’ve ever interrogated my sexuality too much. I just knew I’ve been sexually attracted to men and woman, but more romantically attracted to guys. I’ve known that since I was in high school. And when I think of romance, sex is more just the cherry on top of the cake. The thought of things like threesomes or one night stands, it just doesn’t do it for me. I don’t wanna just have sex with someone and that’s it. But if there’s more there, something deeper, and sex is just what we both want to express our feelings to each other, then that’s cool. I’m not what Sash is. He identifies as ace but fluid into the grey-ace arena. He only feels a sexual attraction to Justin, never been to anyone else, and even then, not all the time. The simple answer is… I’m not really sure. I haven’t put a lot of thought into it but from the sounds of it, I think I’d say possibly demisexual. I haven’t even put it out there with Ree. Just been this little niggle at the back of my head since I split with Romeo. Our sex life was the first thing to dwindle when we were growing apart. Maybe that was the clue.” He gave Jude a smirk and the shifted his gaze to the view of the lights of highrises in the distance painting the NYC skyline against the night sky. “TMI? Sorry. I think the champers is going to my head.”

“Don’t apologise. You can’t talk to me about this stuff. It doesn’t change anything with us, if that’s what you’re hesitant about. We can take any of this as slow as you want, I’m on the page with you. Whatever page that is. No expectations, yeah? Taking it as it comes is the only way we need to go.” After a moment or two, Jude leaned in an brushed a tender kiss to Winston’s lips, enjoying the fact they both smiled in the wake of it. “Before we got distracted dancing, you said you had a pretty personal question you wanted to ask me? Do you still want to or did you chage your mind? I think it’s only fair after you shared this stuff with me.”

Winston finished off his glass and stifled a little hiccup after swallowing the bubbles too quickly. A hazy wooziness enveloped him but in a pleasant way because he had both the balcony railing and Jude’s shoulder to make sure he remained upright without more clumsy teetering. Though, this time, when he met Jude’s gaze, he didn’t focus as well as he usually would and when he spoke, his words were slurring a little here and there now. “You and Renz were FWB for ages, yeah? How did that all start? How did it go from best mates to sex, especially when Renz was with Holly’s mom for awhile there? Was that how you figured out you were, like, bi or whatever? It’s bi, yeah? Ree never told me everything. Sure, we confide in most things but when it comes to relationships, we always respect that some things are meant to just be between the couple, y’know? Sorry. A lot more than one question there.”

Jude topped their glasses up with the last of the champagne and slipped the empty bottle neck-down back into the bucket. “Bi, yeah. That’s always been the label I most identified with but mostly because I realised I was attracted to both genders when Renz and I started having sex. Pan could be more accurate, that maybe I don’t necessarily think about gender at all, but I’ve never interrogated my sexuality that closely either. I’d never heard of pansexual back when I came out. It was only really when Hunter came out that I learned more about it. Before the arrangement with Renz, I felt an attraction to men and women but I’d only been intimate with women. With Renz, it started as a comfort thing, really. His relationship with Mara was… man, ‘complicated’ just isn’t a strong enough way to describe it. It was messy and sometimes it was even violent. She was so unwell a lot of the time that she would hit him. He’d come to me bloodied and bruised but he had such a deep need to protect her and take care of her. It was only long after she died that he admitted to me it wasn’t love. He will tell anyone now that he never knew what love really was until he met Lewis. Mara could be really cold sometimes and she would physically and verbally abuse him. So, things with us were just… it was comfort. Closeness. We know it was also cheating but I don’t think it was a situation where it was as simple as that. He needed to feel something with someone and we had a physical compatibility. It was fun, it was an escape. It gave us both a warm intimacy. I don’t know, it’s not an easy thing to explain. A lot of people would just see it as cheating, black and white. But it was always just a lot more grey than that. Just one night, we had a few too many beers and we fucked. It felt good enough that we kept doing it.”

He cleared his throat and took a long drink, realising his gut was flip-flopping a bit as he waited to see if this was something Winston might pass some judgment on. Which would be okay. Some people had moral lines in the sand and Jude respected that. But he wasn’t even sure how much Winston was absorbing now. He was clearly no longer just tipsy. His cheeks had a drunken flush and he was swaying just a bit on his feet here and there when he shifted his weight, even with the railing and Jude to lean on. Jude was hot for it, enjoying how his eyes were sparkling from the street lights and the way the soft breeze was ruffling Winston’s curls across his forehead. Jude wanted to run his fingers through them, brush them off his face. He didn’t know if they were there yet or if it was even on the table after what Winston had just confided in him. “See? It’s not just what happened with Reec that makes me doubt myself and my… fault lines. Some of them run pretty deep.”

“Hey, no judgement here, when you’re talking to the guy who fell in love with his best friend,” Winston casually put out there, throwing back another mouthful of champagne. It was another pretty big reveal to just dump into the conversation but his inhibitions had slipped at least a good hour ago now. “Plus, raised by promiscuous free-loving hippies who met at a UK rock concert, remember? My dad was born and bred in the London punk rock era and my mom was conceived in the back of a Kombi van on an Aussie beach. My grandparents were both Australian surfers. I get the messy grey areas, even if I didn’t exactly inherit their natural inclinations or any of that shit. Thank you for telling me when I asked, though. You didn’t have to. Comfort and intimacy are way more linked than a lot of us wanna admit, I think. Maybe that’s why it can hurt like a bitch when it all goes wrong.”

Jude had his glass to his lips and nearly choked on the mouthful he took when Winston just let that little nugget of information drop between them. “What?!” he choked out amidst a coughing fit when some of the bubbles went down the wrong way. He put his glass down to pat his chest, gathering himself quickly and blinking to clear his watery eyes that came from the bubbles tickling his nose and throat. “You fell in love with Reecy? Seriously? I… never knew this. It was one of those sacred BFF secrets? Not that it’s a big deal but… it’s kind of a big deal. I didn’t think you guys dated. Sorry, tell me to shut up if you want. I don’t want to invade the sacred BFF Code of Secrecy. Wow, your grandparents are Aussie? How come you’re not going with Reec and Kyan to see them?”

Winston started giggle-snorting again at Jude’s reaction and shook his head, which he immediately regretted because it spun with a heavy wave of wooziness. He hooked his hand into Jude’s arm again to right himself. “We didn’t date or anythin’. It was a high school crush when I was, like, fifteen. Give or take. It was obvious once we had sex that we just weren’t compatible in that way. She never had a crush on me. I was more just like her little introvert pet that her loud and proud extrovert adopted. I was the most painful geeky teenage dude, trust me. She was one of the popular chicks. Not, like, the Mean Girls set. She was the opposite of that. She was the sexy confident rock chick type of girl that everyone loved. Can you blame me for crushin’ on her? But like I said before, I’ve never really dated girls, even if I’m sexually attracted to them. It’s not really a secret, just ancient history, is all. My grandparents died in a car crash when I was twelve. Pop got behind the wheel drunk and it didn’t end well. That’s why I don’t really wanna intrude on what the Campbells are dealin’ with… I know what they’re going through. Havin’ a lotta people around after somethin’ like that happens isn’t always a good thing when it’s really raw. S’okay, I don’t wanna bring the mood down or anythin’. Was a long time ago. But that’s why I don’t have a lotta connection to my Australian roots.”

“Still, I’m really sorry. I didn’t know any of this. Still a tough thing to go through as a kid.” Jude wrapped his other hand around Winston’s, giving it a pat. He was surprised by all the things he was learning about Winston but Reecy did tell him that Winston didn’t just get giggly when he was drunk, he got chatty. “Oh, the sexy confident rock chick. Uh-huh, I remember that first impression very well. So does my dick. Even if you don’t date chicks, your sexual attraction has very good taste. Are you drunk enough to tell me that losing your virginity story yet? Or are you really taking that one to your grave? C’mon, you survived to tell the tale and she kept you as her BFF, so it can’t have been that bad. Did you fart in the middle of it something?”

With the glass to his lips, Winston snorted, spraying the champagne all over his face, which caused him to have another giggling fit that he struggled to get back under control this time. He finished off the glass and gave it to Jude so he could wipe his face with one of the linen napkins. “Considerin’ I’d been fartin’ on her since I was ‘bout four, I doubt that woulda made for a mortifyin’ V-card story. But okay, okay, okay!” He tossed the napkin onto the table so he could put his hands up in surrender, then pointed to his glass again. “I need more booze for this, though.”

Jude downed the last swig from his own glass and went to the mini bar to grab them a couple of beers now the champagne was spent, unable to stop himself laughing right along with Winston. Some of the stories he had heard from his and Reecy’s childhood were notoriously hilarious but it was usually Reecy who had been telling them. He offered Winston the dish of chocolate-dipped strawberries along with his beer. He would say it had nothing to do with how sexy Winston’s lips looked eating these treats but he would be a blatant liar. “So, no unreliable bodily functions were involved? There goes most of my random guesses,” he teased.

“We-ell… prolly depends on your definition of ‘bodily functions’,” Winston admitted with a smirk, accepting a strawberry and taking a healthy bite. “In my defence, it wasn’t all entirely related to me bein’ awkward and clumsy. Part of it was totally the fault of a failin’ condom. Hang on. Shit. Not failin’ in that way. That’s not what I meant. Just that it’s… okay, I’m gonna to start at the beginnin’ but I needa sit down.” He moved over to the table and flopped heavily into the nearest chair, having a swig of beer to brace himself to telling the embarrassing story of his past that he would never be able to forget. Not that you forgot your first time in general but this was one of those things Reecy liked to tease him about occasionally, usually when it was obvious how far he had come in the bedroom stakes. Thankfully, he was no longer a clumsy awkward teenager in the sack, though he wasn’t sure he could guarantee that with so much booze in him.

He was already trying not to break into uncontrollable giggling when Jude came and sat with him. It wasn’t easy. “So… we’re in Reecy’s bedroom with her classic rock anthem playlist playin’. Totally was not expectin’ anythin’ to go down. It was like any other day we hung out. Then she was just all, like, I don’t wanna be a virgin anymore so we should prolly get this fuckin’ shit done. Just Ree to the max. We’d talked about it and shit. She told me all along she wanted me to be her first but me bein’ the awkward fucker I was, just always thought she was jokin’. S’there I am, knowin’ I’m wearin’ my fuckin’ well-loved Ninja Turtle boxers under my jeans and I’ve got Ree in a purple leather mini skirt with black suspenders and silver ripped fishnets. And this… this, like, skin-tight AC/DC croptop with a push-up bra tellin’ me in my Ninja Turtle undies and five year-old Superman hoodie that she wants me to have sex with her. Insta-boner. Like you wouldn’t believe. Then she straddled over my lap and… and started snoggin’ me.”

Jude was already laughing. He couldn’t help it. Winston could tell a mean story at the best of times being a successful writer and journalist but this was funny as all hell already because he was pissed and swore more when he was drunk. Usually, he was pretty restrained with profanity, another way he was so different to Reecy. “Ohhhhh, man, you didn’t. You came as soon as she was one your lap? But you must’ve eventually gotten the job done. I know you were definitely her first. She told me that’s when she got the tattoo with your name and the little fish from Little Mermaid on it.”

Winston pointed at Jude with his beer bottle. “No, believe it or not. You’d fuckin’ think, hey? Nope. Turned out way more embarrassin’ than that. Did I mention I was a prized as fuck awkward nerd back then? Flounder. She always said I reminded her of Ariel’s best pal. Was her favourite movie when we were kids. So, she’s in m’lap kissin’ me and tellin’ me to touch her boobs and I’m like, Ree, if I touch your boobs, it’s gonna be game over before it begins. But she’s like, no, I gotta touch her boobs because that’s just what dudes do. I’d never touched a boob before! Did a lotta lookin’ at ‘em but I hadn’t been with any other girls then. There I am, really tryin’ t’figure out the best way to do a good job to impress her, so I suggested we just start goin’ for it first, then I could touch her boobs while we were doin’ it. This is the legit convo we’re havin’ with Meatloaf’s Bat Outta Hell playin’ in the background so her dad down the hall in bed with the flu wouldn’t hear anythin’. I tell her I’ve got a condom in m’wallet because I remembered the advice from sex-ed tellin’ us t’keep one there just in case, even if we hadn’t done it before ‘cause we never knew when things could crop up. They were totally right, by the way. Best advice ever. Only, I didn’t fuckin’ know how t’put the bastard on. It was so much easier in sex-ed with a banana and no pressure or the thought of braless boobs cloudin’ a poor dude’s judgement. Ree offered to do it but I didn’t want her thinkin’ I was so dumb I didn’t know how t’put a rubber on my own dick. Totally didn’t. Totally did not. Fumbled it so freakin’ badly that just before I was ‘bout to put it in, it flipped back off my cock and landed on her stomach. She burst out laughin’ and I was so fuckin’ embarrassed. So, ya’ can probably guess what happened next.”

“You lost your boner?” Jude guessed, wincing and he set his bottle down on the table, wondering if they should move onto water for awhile. Winston wasn’t taking any notice of what he was drinking anymore and he was putting the beer away pretty quickly. He chuckled and gave Winston’s knee a pat. “Happens to the best of us, babe.”

Winston waved his hand with a shake of his head. “No, fuck no. Much worse. She was all, like, it’s cool, Winnie, here, I can teach y’how to do it! She wanted to fuckin’ teach me how to wrap my own cock, a dangly bit attached t’me that I had been becomin’ extremely intimate with at least daily for a few years by that point. Soon as her fingers were on my dick, I came. Hit her in the eye with jizz, I came so hard, and then we had t’sit ‘round with me in my Cone of Shame and wait for me to somehow manage t’get another boner in my t’try it all over again.” He burst out laughing with a snort, slamming his beer bottle down on the table a little too hard in his clumsiness so he could throw his hands up, struggling to rein his giggle-snorts back in this time. “Right, okay! That’s enough of my epic fuckin’ teenage fail for one night. Gotta take a serious piss.”

Jude didn’t realise just how drunk Winston was until he unabashedly declared he needed a piss and managed to simultaneously fall out of the chair and trip into the little table with the bottles, glasses, and ice bucket with the up-ended empty Moët bottle in it. All smashed to the balcony floor as he shot up to catch Winston before he did something like crack his head open on the metal railing. “Whoa! Okay, I’ve got you.” He wrapped his arm around Winston’s waist, now seeing in the flesh that his tolerance for alcohol was most definitely way higher than Winston’s. He held him up, making sure he steadied on his feet. All the while, Winston was still giggling and Jude couldn’t but fondly laugh at how much of an adorably epic fail drunk he was. “You okay, babe? Do you need help to the bathroom?”

Winston struggled to regain his composure through the giggling. He was using Jude completely as a leaning post now and would have fallen if Jude let go. He tried to look at Jude’s face but went cross-eyed when a dizzy spell hit and he couldn’t easily focus. “Yep, m’good.” He ruffled Jude’s hair with a grin and then patted him on the chest. “Where was I goin’ again?” He punctuated the question with a hiccup and a burp, putting the back of his hand to his mouth.

“Bathroom. Uh oh, you’re not going to puke on me, are you? You’ve gone a bit pale,” Jude noticed, quickly trying to assess the situation. On one hand, he didn’t want Winston to pee himself, but on the other, he didn’t want him to vomit all over himself — and Jude — either. They had no back up clothing. “Let’s get you to the bathroom.”

Instead of following Jude’s lead, Winston was pulling him into a messy kiss and that was when Jude would discover Winston was an extremely touchy-feeling — and horny — drunk. With a mix of prosecco, Moët, cocktails, wine, and beer in his system, all his inhibitions were completely out the window and really, all he wanted was to get Jude naked. That necessary emotional connection thing? He’d been feeling it since they got back to the room and it was now in the driver’s seat and zapped any last vestiges of restraint in him. Lips still on Jude’s, one hand was pulling Jude’s shirt out of his trousers and the other firmly and purposefully grabbed Jude’s ass. Such a gorgeous, inviting ass…

Fuck, did Jude want this. There was no doubt about it. He wasn’t sober himself and it would be so easy to let the booze take control and fall into this with Winston but he knew it wasn’t what a sober Winston would want or even instigate. He told Jude earlier he preferred to let it happen organically and there was no way Jude could take advantage of him drunk. Tipsy was one thing but Winston was pretty totalled now. He wanted this to be able to turn into something, not have Winston regretting they fucked when he was so drunk, he wouldn’t remember it. He pulled out of the kiss, putting his hand on Winston’s chest. “Not like this. Don’t get me wrong, babe, I want to. Any other situation and any other guy, maybe. But I care too much about what all this could be to let you do this when you can barely stand on your own.” He couldn’t not laugh when Winston was still intent on groping his ass and grinding against him. Jude had a boner. He wished he didn’t but his body was responding to Winston’s touch and the intense kisses.

Eyes heavy-lidded with drunkeness skimmed Jude’s face and fell to his lips with a cheeky smile and they were soon locked in another hungry kiss. But even if Winston reignited the kiss, he was the one who had to break soon after when the sensation of the entire room tipping hit him and his stomach rolled over with it. “I think I… gotta puke,” he decided through another hiccup, though this time, it was much closer to a heave.

“Okay, good plan.” Jude focused on getting a secure hold on Winston to be able to lead him to the en-suite as quickly as he could. Thank fuck it was a small room. Winston was beyond unsteady and had a handful of the back of Jude’s shirt gripped in his hand like a life-preserver. He was pulling the shirt down and nearly choking Jude but at least they made it to the bathroom without Winston giving himself a concussion. He led Winston straight through to the toilet and flipped the lid and seat up for him, even having a split second of time to drop a towel on the tiles in front of the toilet for Winston’s knees before Winston flopped to the floor and started spectacularly praying to the porcelain god. Jude wasn’t too drunk for his nurse side to kick in. He wet the two face cloths and pressed one to Winston’s neck and then perched on the rim of the bathtub waiting with a glass of water at the ready, rubbing Winston’s back.

Winston tried to stop being sick three times but it kept spiralling back on him. He only succeeded on the fourth time but was still draped over the bowl, coughing and trying to catch his breath. “I fuckin’ hate cocktails,” was the pained moan bouncing off the interior of the toilet bowl, until he was caught in a wave of the dry heaves.

“You looked so hot drinking them, though,” Jude joked, keeping up the back rubs. “As soon as you can handle it, I want you to try to get some water down, babe. Then we can get you cleaned up to lie down and help the room stop spinning.”

“M’so drunk,” Winston mumbled, still hanging over the toilet. He closed his eyes as if it could somehow act as a shield against a raging headache setting in with the strain of puking. What he actually drank had blurred into a messy haze in his head. Besides feeling abruptly sick, everything else was a colourful array of warm fuzzy happy feelings but some of the conversation was slipping from his intoxicated mind.

Jude leaned over so he could hold the other facecloth to Winston’s forehead. “Listen, babe, I know you get embarrassed easily. I don’t want you feeling like you have to hide in here for the rest of the night. So, I’m going to go get one of those awesome bathrobes through there for you to put on because despite our best efforts, you got a bit of puke on your shirt there. You can even put the slippers on too if you want. I’m going to give you a bit of time to have a breather and I’ll duck down to that cafe and get you some tea. Be as sick and unfabulously embarrassed as you need to be for a few. Then I’m coming back to take care of you because you’re my date and I helped get you this drunk. Deal?” He kissed the top of Winston’s head and slid the glass of water into his reach. “Try to have some water. It’ll help. I’ll get you some Gatorade too, to be on the safe side.”

Winston couldn’t lift his head yet. He had shifted to use his forearm as a pillow but the cloth was still pressed to his forehead. He could see the glass through his arm on the tiles. “Thank you,” he murmured, appreciating that Jude tapped into what he needed, at least for a few minutes. Jude understood his quirks and respected them. Once he was alone, Winston managed to drag himself off the bathroom floor. He was dizzy and nauseous, the lights feeling like they were burning his eyeballs. He was too drunk to really think straight, so he stripped his clothes off and turned the shower on. It wasn’t completely cold but cool enough for an attempt to sober up. As soon as he got in, though, he had to throw up again and it ended in a really unfabulous stance of leaning over the drain with his bare butt pressed against the shower curtain, which was sticking to him, and a hand on the opposite side of the cubicle to stop himself falling over. With the cold spears of water beating his skin, he was cursing the entire existence of cocktails because he was feeling horrific. It was no longer fun-drunk.

Jude grabbed some tea, Gatorade and Advil while he was out, trying to be as quick as he could. Winston didn’t need to be embarrassed but it was just who he was. Jude didn’t want to smother him on their date just because he was a nurse. It was their first date, they were still setting boundaries. When he got back, he heard the shower running. He put the cups on the dresser with his room key and the bag from the store. “Winston? You okay in there, babe?” he called through the bathroom door so Winston could hear him over the shower.

“Jude, I feel really sick,” Winston moaned and in that moment, really did not care that he was butt naked or about being embarrassed. He just wanted to stop feeling like he had eaten a ton of bad tacos and been hit by a truck. This wasn’t how he wanted the date to go.

Jude hurried into the bathroom and grabbed a towel. He pulled the curtain back and shut the shower off, wrapping the towel around Winston from behind without stealing any sneak previews. That had to wait until they were both in a state to want it and be on the same page. The water was cold so Winston had clearly been trying to sober himself up but the thing about that was, systemically, it could kick a hangover into high gear to hit quicker. He dried him off the best he could which was far from an efficient job but the bathrobe would grab the droplets he missed. Winston was shivering and holding on to the edge of the sink for dear life. “We’re going to get you to bed to lie down. You poor thing.” He gave him a sympathetic smile, getting him to the bed.

Once Winston was safely lying down, and Jude brought him the empty ice bucket in case he wanted to throw up again, he sat beside him with a bottle of Gatorade and a couple of Advil. “Think you can try a little to get the pills down. Then I promise, I’ll leave you alone to die in peace. I just really, really need you to try to drink something without alcohol content so we can avoid another trip to the ER.”

Winston opened his eyes, squinting at Jude as he took the pills from his palm and put them in his mouth. He let Jude help him take a few sips of Gatorade to wash them down. “I don’t want you to leave me alone. I’m in that horrible grey area between drunk and hungover but I don’t want the date to end yet. Maybe you could just lie with—” He cut himself off when he was nearly sick again, putting his hand to his mouth.

“Bucket’s right here. Let it all out if you need to. Close your eyes, try to breathe through it, babe.” Jude made sure Winston would be able to grab the bucket if he needed it. He stood and kicked out of his shoes, and stripped down to his boxers and tank top, pulling the other bathrobe on. He eased himself onto the bed with Winston, pulling a pillow into his lap and coaxing Winston to put his head there. Once they were settled and it seemed like Winston was spared more throwing up for now, he put the cloth back on Winston’s forehead and stroked his hair. “Just so you’re not lying there beating yourself up, mixing drinks is probably more the demon here, not necessarily how much you had. If you don’t drink much, it would’ve hit you harder. I’ve still had a really nice time on our date.” He paused briefly to unscrewed the cap from the Gatorade to urge Winston to drink some more.

The fact Winston had thrown up — a lot — and forced himself into a cold shower had sobered him up a lot. Now it was just the hangover setting in and getting his head on a pillow, the cool cloth, and Jude’s gentle stroking of his hair felt nice. “Didn’t think much about what I was drinking,” he mumbled, closing his eyes against the view of the blue Gatorade. He accepted a couple of sips, though. He knew it was in his best interest and probably the only chance he might avoid a potential hangover-induced migraine. “Everything after, like, dancing on the balcony is fuzzy. How are you still interested when all I’ve proved to you is I’m some… champion puker?”

Jude knew Winston would have sobered himself up a little when he was sick and some of the booze was out of his system. “Hey, no beating yourself up. We’ve had fun. People drink when they’re having fun. I’ve known you for ages, remember? I know there’s way more to you than that. You’re super cute when you’re drunk, you know. Very touchy-feely. Have you got anything planned for tomorrow or the next day?”

“Maybe I’m just touchy-feely with everyone when I’m nauseous,” Winston joked, figuring he may as well follow Jude’s advice and not beat himself up. If he did that, it would minimise the good parts of their date, which far outweighed the last half hour or so. “Other than sleeping off a hangover? Nothing now I don’t need to drive Ree and Ky to the airport. They’re going with Trey and Ash. Sorry, I just remembered you went out to get me tea. I don’t think I can.”

“Hm, you didn’t try to tear my clothes off when you had a migraine. I feel cheated,” Jude teased right back, raking Winston’s hair off his face. “Don’t worry about the tea. I’ll duck down and get more when you’re feeling up to it. Just try to relax, okay? Close your eyes and try to sleep if you want to. Or we can watch TV. They’ve got Netflix. I was thinking that if you’ve got nothing on, I could book the room for another night. You can take as long as you need to sleep the hangover off and then we can just hang out, booze-free. Like, a date in two parts. I don’t want you thinking you’ve ruined anything because I’ve got a higher tolerance of alcohol. We were having a really great time before we stopped noticing how much we were drinking. What do you think? I promise not to hound you to keep up the fluids.” He let Winston’s curls circle his fingers as he stroked his hair. It was still damp but the water definitely made it more curly once Jude toweled the excess off for him in the bathroom.

As Jude spoke, Winston found his hand to hold. Now that he was still and lying down, and he had puked up a good portion of what had pushed him over the edge from tipsy to downright drunk, he wasn’t feeling quite as awful. Still sick and woozy, and the booze was at play in his system but he sobered himself up enough to be back in the moment. “I was trying to tear your clothes off? But you didn’t take advantage. Not that I think you would but still… thank you. That’s really not me. But, okay. Yeah, why not? I’d regret it if it had to end like this. Sorry. I know things could’ve ended a lot differently tonight, considering how well it was all going. It’s been ages since I drank. I think Ree and Ky’s wedding was the last time.”

“No more apologising, okay? This is how some dates end. We get so caught up in having a good time, we get drunk and throw up. Things will end differently when the time’s right. Now we just rest and enjoy each other’s company. Don’t fight it if you want to sleep. You’ll feel better if you can sleep some of it off. You look cute as fuck in that bathrobe.” Jude had a moment where it hit him how huge this was. Never in a million years could he have thought life would deliver him a plot twist where he and Winston dated. He always really liked him but he never let himself think in that direction out of respect for Reecy. But with her blessing, here they were and it was really nice to have an intimate connection with someone again.

Winston realised he was still too drunk to really battle it when his head started to throb and eyes were too heavy to keep them open. “Mmm…” was the only answer his brain could form as he veered close to crashing out. The way Jude was stroking his hair and the comfort of the bed and the robe he was wearing, he couldn’t fight it.

Jude smiled when the booze finally claimed Winston’s consciousness. He settled down with him, shifting carefully so he could spoon him and still keep stroking his hair.

#

It was after lunch before either Winston or Jude woke the next day with any sort of normalcy. In the very early hours of the morning, Jude had even succumbed to a mixed drinks induced hangover and had a spew himself. He crawled back to bed and resumed spooning Winston, easily dozing back off. It hit Winston way harder. He woke with a raging hangover somewhere around five am and it took five rounds with the toilet bowl until he could leave the bathroom and keep Advil down. He told Jude that he was having early warnings of a migraine with some auras in his vision so he had to sleep to try to avert it. It was a good excuse to go back to bed together.

It was after noon when Jude woke again feeling seedy and a bit headachy, but no longer sick. He went to have a shower and down a few tall glasses of water to rehydrate. When he came out of the shower with a towel knotted around his waist, Winston was sitting on the side of the bed, curly hair sticking up all over the place because he slept on it wet, rubbing his hands over his face. “How are you feeling, love? Still spewy and migrainey?”

Winston dropped his hands down and gave Jude a small sleepy smile. “Better. Just a general headache and my stomach’s kinda sensitive. Really need the bathroom and I’m trying not to stress myself into a ball of awkward because I’ve noticed that bathroom wall is really thin.”

Jude laughed and went to grab one of the toothbrushes he bought at the store last night with the rest of the supplies. He gave it to Winston, brushing his hair back to kiss his forehead. “Go poop if that’s what you need. I’ll go get us some tea from downstairs and I’ll put my AirPods in when I get back until you’re done doing your thing. You’ll feel better after you shower and brush your teeth. But just for the record? I’m a nurse. I know what bodies do. Take some Advil for your head. I’ll be right back, okay?”

Winston watched Jude dress and head out, then went to the bathroom to do what he needed to do. He definitely felt much more human once he showered and brushed his teeth. He stayed in the shower, letting the warm stream run over his head and back. It was all a stark reminder why he didn’t like to drink a lot. He felt bad that his tolerance for alcohol wasn’t the best and that Jude had to put up with all that on their date but it wasn’t over yet. He was back in the bathrobe when he exited the bathroom to Jude, who was sitting on the bed with his earbuds in as promised. Winston climbed onto the bed to sit beside him, giving him a smile. “I just want to thank you for being so sweet with me when I was sick. Alcohol really isn’t my friend.”

Jude put his phone aside, returning Winston’s smile. He picked up the large cup of tea he got for Winston downstairs and offered him a plate with some bagels, a couple of croissants and some fresh fruit. “At least try to get the tea into you, but it would be good if you can eat something too. There’s nothing to thank me for. I was hungover this morning too.”

Winston accepted the tea, grateful for it now because he was more confident it would stay down. The sight of the food didn’t immediately turn his stomach either. “You were? Shit, did I just sleep through it? I’m sorry. I even suck at this reciprocal thing. Why did you agree to a date with me again?” He was only half-joking by this point.

“I should want to not date you because you were hungover as hell and crashed out yourself? C’mon, that’s not how I want any of this to work. That’s not what it’s about. I don’t expect you to have to wake up still feeling horrible yourself just to rub my back for five minutes. This is going to be a reciprocal thing. If you want there to be time to reciprocate in the future. I’m a big boy, I can handle a hangover. I’ve inflicted enough of the bastards on myself over the time. I wasn’t even a quarter as hit as you were, though. I was glad you were sleeping.” Jude sipped his own tea, relieved when he saw Winston easily take his own and didn’t seem immediately nauseated by it. He rubbed his hand over Winston’s thigh through the bathrobe. “I agreed to a date because I think you’re really fucking hot. I also think you’re a total sweetheart with a huge heart. You’re talented and smart. I hear you’re quote, ‘The world’s best friend to ever exist ever’. How the hell could I not? You just happen to be human who doesn’t do well with alcohol and gets migraines.”

Winston gave Jude a smile. He swallowed his mouthful of tea and wet his lips that were chapped from the hangover. “On the upside, I think I’m feeling better. If what you stroking my thigh there is doing is any indicator…” Putting his tea aside, he leaned in and finally gave Jude a kiss, hesitant and slow at first, getting used to what it felt like with a new person and this time, sober. They probably would have done this last night. There had been kissing but they got distracted with the deep conversation and then Winston was pretty sure he was at the too-tipsy point after that. He knew he got giggly when that happened, according to Reecy, and it wouldn’t have been conducive to a successful makeout session. Which is exactly what he wanted to do now all that embarrassing stuff was out of the way. He put his hand over Jude’s and guided it further up his leg beneath the robe.

Jude had just enough time to put his own cup of tea aside on the bedside table before the kissing took a deeper turn. He paused before his hand got too far, even if Winston was coaxing it. “Is this okay? You sure?” he murmured but he was definitely reluctant to pause the kisses, quickly discovering Winston was a really excellent kisser. He always expected him to be more shy or hesitant but that wasn’t the vibe he was getting here at all. Which told him Winston knew what he was doing. He was no longer tipsy, drunk, or hungover. If Winston wasn’t sure, it wouldn’t be progressing like this.

Winston nodded because he was too busy drawing Jude back into the kiss to reply with words. He kept hold of his hand, coaxing it that little bit further to where he wanted it to be. But he had to break the kiss as soon as Jude’s fingers were wrapped around him to take in a sharp breath and a breathy laugh escaped him. “Pretty sure that answers your question, right? Clinically speaking, how good for headaches are orgasms? Is this okay for you?”

“Clinically speaking, I don’t know if I can tap into my university educated brain cells while the rest of them are realising you’re freaking hung. But I’m more than happy to test drive the theory.” Jude gave Winston another kiss, trying to bat away a little familiar laugh at the back of his head that sounded very much like Reecy accompanied with a memory of her telling him Winston was hung. It was in their early relationship days and he had thought she was only winding him up because Winston was so unassuming. She definitely wasn’t just winding him up. “Just to make sure we’re on the same page, we’re talking about sex here or just helping each other get off? Because I’m on board with either option. Actually… now I really, really want to blow you.”

Winston smirked at Jude’s reaction and they kissed again. “Is that so? Well, seeing as it’s for science, how can I deny the request? And yes. We’re talking about sex. We’ve got this room at our disposal for another night and I think me nearly tearing your clothes off and nearly throwing up all over you removed the first date uncertainty.” He paused the joking, running his fingers through Jude’s hair. “Only if we’re on the same page, though. It’s okay if you don’t want to. If you just want to make out and snuggle, I’m fine with that too.”

Jude studied Winston’s face, unable to not smile at him in return but it really had nothing to do with them meeting minds on wanting to have sex, even if that was pretty cool. It was Winston’s cute smirk and restarting their date now the drunkenness and hangovers were behind them. Granted, Winston must still have a headache but he had colour in his cheeks again and he was back to being his usual laidback self. Jude was really enjoying his company and he did want that intimacy with him, as a natural progression. They were on the same page and that’s all that mattered. “I want to. How about we just start and see where it takes us? There’s no hurry. I confirmed the extra night.”

He resumed their slow yet deep kissing and started to slowly untie the sash on Winston’s bathrobe, pushing it open so he could see Winston’s assets, not just feel them. Even if he had a sneak preview of parts of Winston’s body in the shower momentarily before wrapping him in the towel last night, he purposely hadn’t looked below the belt. He already knew Winston was toned and looked after himself. He wasn’t a gym junkie but he did a lot of running and swimming because it helped clear his head to keep the creative flow for his writing. But he knew all this from before. Now, he wanted to get to know him all over again… intimately, inside and out.

#

Jude woke up disoriented and it took a few moments for him to remember he wasn’t at home. He was at the hotel with Winston but he was alone in the bed. He felt the vacant space in the messy bed covers but Winston definitely wasn’t there. When he sat up in bed, though, he spotted Winston out on the balcony in his tight red boxer-briefs, talking on the phone. Smiling, Jude admired the view. Winston was hung and had an incredible ass. Talk about the trifecta on top of being an incredible person. There was also the bonus that he wasn’t just an incredible kisser but he was incredible in bed. Not at all shy or introverted there. Jude felt like he had his head in the clouds.

After stretching and admiring the view a little longer, he got up and went out onto the balcony (still naked, but there was a hedge around the base of the balcony, so he was safe) so he could wrap his arms around Winston to give him a cuddle. He kissed the nape of his neck and slipped the tips of his fingers beneath the waist of Winston’s boxers.

Winston shot Jude a smile over his shoulder and hugged Jude’s arm to his chest, returning the cuddle the best he could. He turned his head so they could share a couple of kisses while he took the end of his call. Normally, he would have made work matters wait on his days off — especially for something like this — but it was following an intriguing email he had received that he didn’t want to push back. Jude had been sleeping so he came out here to take the call so he didn’t wake him. “Thanks. I’ll be in touch with you in the next few days.” He ended the call and turned to face Jude, his hand brushing down his back so he could squeeze Jude’s bare ass. “Hey, sleepy. You’re awake. You were snoozing so peacefully, I didn’t want to wake you.”

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry if I did the whole pull out and pass out thing. How long was I asleep?” Jude kissed Winston and smiled, enjoying the cuddle. “Everything okay? Sorry, I didn’t mean for you to have to end your call. This butt was just too enticing to ignore.”

“No, it wasn’t like that. In all fairness, you blew me and then we had sex twice. I don’t think napping after is a crime. We both fell asleep. We slept about three or four hours. Then I woke up and checked my email on my phone and, well, long story short, I kind of just got a job offer. A crazy, unexpected job offer and… uh, well, I’ve got a lot to think about. Listen, are you hungry? I thought we could get pizza and chill for awhile. Maybe watch a movie in bed together or something. Considering how much I hurled, I’m starving now,” Winston admitted with a laugh, taking Jude’s hand and leading him back into the room. Things had definitely progressed in a fantastic way. He didn’t really expect to end up having sex with Jude on their first date but it felt right and they were definitely sexually compatible. He wasn’t ready to let that nutty thing called life disrupt their date yet.

Jude raised his eyebrows, following Winston back inside. “Yeah? Like, a whole new job or you mean a freelance assignment? And that’s a hell fucking yes on pizza. I’m starving too. Let’s see what Uber Eats can do for us. What topping’s your favourite?” He grabbed his phone from beside the bed and got comfortable again sitting on the side he’d slept on. “After we eat, let’s take a shower together. I want to see you naked and wet in a thoroughly not-innocent way this time.”

Winston took his side of the bed again and cuddled up to Jude. “Just get something vegetarian. You don’t eat meat. I don’t mind sharing. Though, really, you didn’t have too much trouble with meat earlier,” he teased and dropped his phone onto the sheets. “A whole new job. Well, not profession. Not really. I’ll still be doing journalism and writing. Just… in a different way to what I’m accustomed to and, well, what I feel most at home with. That was the Editor from biggest entertainment news networks in the UK. They want me to come on board as a US correspondent and investigative journalist writing I, uh, think he called it ‘emotionally-driven features’ for both online and tv. Not solely print journalism.”

Jude finished ordering a large vegetarian pizza from a nearby place that looked pretty nice and put his phone aside so Winston had his full attention. He just wasn’t expecting him to say something that huge. “Holy shit, babe! That’s… wow, that’s incredible! Fuck, you’re being head-hunted for your work. That’s huge!” He looped his arm around Winston and cuddled him.

“It’s London-based. It means I’d have to split my time between here and the UK.” Winston watched Jude’s face, resting his tongue between his lips as he waited the brief few moments he knew Jude would only need for the penny to drop on what that meant. It was a massive bomb to drop after a (mostly) wonderful and successful first date. “And I wouldn’t be able to write for Justin’s company anymore.”

It didn’t even really take Jude a few moments for his penny to drop. He realised what Winston was saying as soon as he put it out there. And despite the fact they most definitely shared a (mostly) wonderful and successful first date, he was finding Winston hard to gague on his feelings about the job offer and potential career move. He might’ve known Winston a long time but he didn’t know him yet, on an intimate level to be privy to personal reaction. “That’s right. You took the job with him when he was going to tour, then covid hit and now…” he trailed off, realising the enormity of the situation. The car accident Justin and Sasha had sustained had been serious and near-fatal. It still could be fatal, they didn’t know if Sash would pull through, even if he was fighting. And Justin had suffered serious physical injuries that could impact the future of his career as a dancer, from what Billy had told Jude. Pelvic and sacral fractures were serious, more than most would realise. Not ust to the mechanical bone structures and nerve-endings, but also to the surrounding internal organs. Justin had a bladder rupture as a result so the impact he sustained was significant. Could it mean an end to his career as a performer? Possibly. And that was without considering the mental and emotional trauma on top of what he already battled. “What work have you been doing since covid put all that on hold? Actually, I’m not even sure what the job was specifically they offered you with Justin’s tour.”

“Justin’s PR manager head-hunted me first. They want me on board as a reporter for him. Well, not technically just for him, even though was to encompass the tour. But a reporting correspondent for his corporation that Mark’s the CEO of, so encompassing everything that fell under that. His PR, his tour, the charity work, his recording work, his songwriting, exclusives he wanted to share with the world, anything that fell under the umbrella of Justin as a brand, per se. It meant moving away from freelance into signature feature writing and getting a lot more exposure than I ever expected. It was perfect,” Winston admitted, pressing his lips together with a regretful sigh. “But covid paused the entire world. It wasn’t a big deal to have that put on hold until Justin’s tour could be rescheduled. That had been the plan. In the meantime, I’ve actually been doing work for Paris and Gen with FABULOUS and freelancing jobs that took my fancy. Now, it’s just… from what I’ve been told, and I know it’s not the full story because they need their privacy, Justin might never make it back to a stage. That’s not hyperbole. It’s reality.”

Jude was softly feathering his fingers through Winston’s hair as he listened and Winston filled him in on details he wasn’t aware of. Billy was extremely close to Justin, like an honourary big brother in the same way Reecy was his big sister because they had all gotten beyond close working together on Footloose before Caden offered Billy the lead of Sam Wheat in his new production of Ghost and Merlin stepped into the Willard role alongside Justin, but that didn’t mean Billy told Jude everything. He told him the significant stuff but there wasn’t a lot recently with Justin temporarily staying in Australia through the worst of covid. “Holy shit, how cool would that have been? Justin’s involved in a lot of stuff. Like, seriously, when he was in the ER with his kidney issues, just before they found out about his real mom, and I was doing his triage, his folks were talking about some of the projects he was involved in. It’s why the attempted overdose that caused the kidney problems came as a shock. He’d been doing so well in the lead up to the tour. That meant you’d be on tour with him, yeah? Is that the type of work you wanted to move into? I know some journos prefer freelance because they can pick and choose what they do. So, you would’ve been away a lot as it was.” He didn’t want to make any assumptions here about what could come next. Maybe all along, Winston’s priority was his career. Jude being in his life on any level wouldn’t have been on his radar. Maybe no relationship was. Sometimes, career did come first for a lot of people and he knew how fantastic Winston was at what he did.

“The job with Justin was already a huge career shift for me to be able to solely specialise in entertainment reporting where I was on the ground with the performer, not just conducting interviews with them like I do with freelance. Mark and Gen were understandably extremely cautious in who they employed to work closely with Justin, so it was a big deal. But Justin already knew me and I knew him, the trust took a lot of pressure off navigating how best to share all his tour stories with the world. It also gave me direct on-the-ground connections into the theatre world and music worlds. It was set to be incredible but covid his the entertainment world really hard for everyone so plans already changed before the accident. It was just a matter of when it would resume post-covid. Now it’s not when, it’s if and I guess I hadn’t let myself think too much about it yet.” Winston glanced at Jude with a smirk, conscious that he didn’t want to drag the mood down with a heaviness yet. But he was now aware he’d have to think about it all sooner rather than later. “How am I supposed to concentrate with you sitting right here naked. I’m getting horny again. But no, I wasn’t going to be away constantly for the tour. Was still going to be based in New York. I was going to work parallel to Jaxson, Brandon’s best mate. He was contracted as the tour photographer. I’d fly in and out, cover a few different stops, maybe some behind the scenes stuff, or any charity work Justin did. Meet and greets, things like that. It meant a lot more exposure, though, so I was bracing myself for that. Bracing myself a lot. Screaming teenage girls are a bit scary. I even thought that when I was teenager myself.”

With a grin, Jude started to kiss Winston’s neck and he let his hand creep up Winston’s leg. “You know, I’m not going to have any objections to seeing your hard-on in those boxers. I’m sure I could get you over the line before the pizza arrives.” Fingertips slipping beneath the elasticated leg of Winston’s underwear and tapping into the fact Winston seemed to want to keep things lighter, he joked, “Are screaming teenage girls why you prefer dating men these days? Okay, so, you’re an introvert and you like being behind the spotlight rather than in front of it. But here’s the thing… Kyan did it, right? You guys are pretty similar. I’m not at all surprised Reecy’s perfect match was a guy like you. Pretty sure she has a type. But my point is, Ky didn’t think he belonged in the spotlight. He only ever wanted to be an understudy. Now look at him. Then there’s Sash. He could even be worse than you on the introvert front but then he fell in love with someone in the spotlight and his life altered. I think you deserve all the glory for your journo work. You’ve got so much talent. I’ve read a lot of your stuff. If anyone has an open-minded, accepting, compassionate view to be able to work with Justin like that, it’s you. I’m not trying to convince your decisions either way here, that’s really not my place. It just sounds like your heart was really with the job with Justin. It’s got to be huge to suddenly have another offer if your lap. Life-changing. Life-changing is never easy when your heart is elsewhere.”

“Hey, if memory serves me correctly, I actually owe you a blowjob. But you’re not going to have any protests if your hand keeps going like it is. Jeezus, I can’t remember the last time I came this many times in a short space of time. There I was worrying we might not be sexually compatible.” Winston had to pause and exhaled heavily, feeling Jude’s tongue teasing his neck. “Now I’m just wondering how you feel about sixty-nineing but really trying to stay focused on thinking about the job. Only, I’ve got this image of Justin smirking at me because I know he would probably tell me to get off before I made any major decisions. Can I be honest? I really thought you and I wouldn’t have a spark like we have. I thought history would get in the way. I’m so glad it hasn’t. No, I’m not avoiding talking more about my career. It’s just that I have no freaking clue where to even start thinking about it and I usually have to think a lot before I can figure stuff out.”

Jude lifted his head and pulled Winston onto his lap straddled over him. Winston’s erection in those boxers was definitely as delicious as he anticipated. “Me too but I wasn’t really concerned about that. I’m not the same person anymore. I had to change a lot after all that and I did. Can I be honest? I’ve been more worried you were well, well out of my league. Because of history, I know what an incredible person you are and you deserve someone just as incredible. You were there for Reec through everything I put her through, unconditionally and unwaveringly. But also because of history, Reecy knows me. She guessed I would be feeling like that, doubting myself and whether this was a good idea, so she brought me coffee at the hospital for a chat after her sonogram scan. She told me that I owed it to you and myself to give it the best shot and enjoy it. So… let’s have a bit more fun together, then we can talk about your job offer over pizza, if you want to, that is. You’re not obligated to talk to me about any of it when we’re only one date into things. In fact, you’ll probably be missing her for that and she’s going to be on the other side of the world. I won’t be offended if you prefer to shelve the subject. For the record, I’m very very open to sixty-nineing with you.”

There wasn’t any intent for them to get caught up in each other like that again but before the pizza arrived, they did just that and were only just done when there was a knock on their door. Winston was still panting, trying to catch his breath while he laughed breathlessly, watching Jude scramble off the bed naked, fumbling around for the first bathrobe he could find to cover up and get the door. He pulled the sheets up over his hips and stretched back leisurely on the pillows, unsure when he last felt this relaxed and a little baffled because the job thing would probably be stressing him out if he was home alone with time to stew on it. “You actually managed to make me forget about the pizza. Those rimming skills… damn, babe.” He was feeling sleepy again but he was way more starving once the aroma of the pizza hit than any desire to crash out. “Fuck, I’m starving. That smells incredible.”

“Rimming skills are only as good as the ass you’re eating, babe,” Jude laughed, putting the pizza on the bed. He leaned over and gave Winston a kiss and shedded the bathrobe again so he could get back beneath the sheets with him. He pulled the pizza onto his lap and flipped the box open, offering the first slice to Winston. “So, now that we’re both thoroughly fucked and relaxed, do you want to talk about the job offer? How are you feeling about it?”

Winston was laughing at Jude’s quip, grabbing a slice of pizza and taking a hungry bite. He rested his head back against the mound of pillows, getting his mind back on track as he savoured in the food and the ability to be able to keep it down again. He caught a thread of mozzarella from the corner of his lip with his fingertip. “I don’t want to weigh things down too much while we’re still on our date but honestly? I just feel bewildered, I guess. A bit heartbroken it’s even something I need to get my head around and weigh up. Justin’s a riot and I get along with him and his entire team so well. When he’s well, he’s the funniest and funnest kid. His work ethic blows me away and his talent is awe-inspiring. I think he kind of just adopted me as a surrogate big brother when he adopted Aut and Ree as big sisters. I was just part of the package deal with Ree, so he trusts me and I know all about his life. Even the deepest of secrets, so he doesn’t have the burden of coaching me through it. Being able to report on his career, which was set to explode in leaps and bounds with his tour and album, would’ve been amazing. But if it’s not going to happen at all or for a long time, maybe I have no choice but to seriously consider the offer? Life changes are fucking scary.”

“I know. That stuff’s terrifying, especially when you’re not one to like taking too many risks. If it helps, you’re not alone. I’m here if you need a sounding board or just want to work through it as you do your thinking. It’s… I don’t want to influence your choice, though. It’s going to be hard for you with your usual confidante overseas, no matter how far we’ve come with technology. If London’s where you want to be, then I’d support you 100%. This with us, if it can only be one date and taking it further isn’t possible, I totally get it. You need to follow your heart.” Jude was relieved to see Winston eating again. The booze definitely hit him hard and he had made a mental note for future dates to keep them teetotal. He didn’t need booze to enjoy himself, especially not with someone like Winston.

Winston waited to take another bite of his pizza and looked at Jude quietly for a few moments and as he did, it dawned on him that he really didn’t want this to only be one date. The thought of not being able to explore something that felt so easy and so nice right off the bat was already confusing him. Jude was right. He’d need to talk to Reecy, and sooner rather than later, or he would start overthinking it all. Her opinion on his life mattered as if they shared flesh and blood. He hadn’t made a single major life decision without hashing it out with her first. Plus, she orchestrated this with Jude. But mostly… he couldn’t even let himself think about moving away from her and living in another country. He was pretty sure it would make him start to feel sick to the stomach all over again. He wasn’t ready. There was too much to figure out in one moment. Way too much. It wouldn’t be something he could work through via text or FaceTime. Before he knew it, he took himself by surprise in suddenly asking Jude, “Would you… do you have any leave owing to you at work?”

When Winston fell quiet, Jude was sure he could almost see the cogs of his mind ticking over. He had a little frown of concentration, maybe, on his face, or maybe it was a troubled frown. It was impossible to decipher but he was sure he could see the enormity of Winston’s career situation hitting home for him. The last thing Jude wanted to do was complicate the issue with him by telling him that he really didn’t want this to be their first — and last — date. Or last anything with Winston when it had only just begun. That wouldn’t be fair on him. “Loads. More than I want to admit because I really have no life and haven’t really had a holiday in years. I’ve only taken the odd day here and there if Renz and Lew needed a sitter for Hols. How come?” he asked, finishing off his slice of pizza and wiping his fingers on a napkin.

Chewing the corner of his lip, Winston sighed. “I think I might need to take a trip to Australia after all. Not just so I can speak to Ree in person but I think I need to see how Justin is, see if I can figure out if he still wants me on his team… or needs me. I owe him that after he pulled strings to recommend me for the job him in the first place before I think about whether I’m supposed to be moving on. I’d really love for you to come with. If you want to, that is? I get that this is… after the date being so amazing and, other than the pukefest in the middle, successful, that it sucks to hear I’ve had this offer fall into my lap. I don’t want you to think that’s not on my mind too. I don’t want this to be our only date,” he admitted softly, caressing his fingers down Jude’s arm to take his hand. “Unless you’d prefer to just pause any of this until I can get my head around things more. I’d understand if that’s what you need. More than you realise I would. I know Ree’s my BFF but that doesn’t mean you would play second fiddle to any of my life if we’re dating. I don’t want to hurt you any more than you want to hurt me or Ree.”

Wrapping his fingers around Winston’s, Jude hesitated before answering because he didn’t want to screw anything up. Not that he thought Winston was expecting him to make a wrong move. Before the date, before even Reecy met them both for breakfast that day and gave them her blessing to give it a go, sure, he wouldn’t automatically feared he would screw it up, despite having no intentions of messing up. He just would never want to hurt Winston after what he did to Reecy in the past. But now, after he and Winston had spoken so deeply and personally over the course of last night and this morning, those fears weren’t there. Winston wasn’t holding him to his past mistakes at all. But even with that relief, he still didn’t want to get anything wrong. It was so much the opposite. It was nice to hear Winston pick up on his insecurities and reassure him. He just had to try to put into words what was on his mind. He squeezed Winston’s hand and then brought it to his lips to kiss his fingers. “I just need to say something… only, I’m not sure how it’s going to translate from my head out of my mouth, so forgive me in advance if I screw up. I don’t want you to think I have a place in making this decision for your career. See? No, that didn’t come out sounding right. Let me try again. I—”

“I know what you’re trying to tell me and I need you to know, that ship’s already sailed. I’m asking you to come to Australia because something has already sparked between us and whether it’s easy or comfortable, or very much not, this between us is going to factor into my decision making process. I didn’t expect this job thing. I didn’t even know anything about it in advance. It’s completely blindsided me. I already knew something was happening between us before I took that phone call. And I think I need you to help me sort things through in my head, even if I already know where my heart is. You’re trying to tell me you don’t want me to consider you a factor in deciding if I should take the London job, but babe, you’re already a consideration,” Winston confessed with a little nod for emphasis, holding Jude’s gaze intently. “There’s very little I do in my life if my head and heart aren’t on the same page. I also don’t live solely for my career, though when I took the job with Justin’s company, it was the first time my head and heart felt like it was, so… I need your help, yeah. But more than that, I want your company and wise insight, which I’m pretty sure you don’t even realise you have so much of. Uh-uh, don’t argue with me. I earn a lot of money being a good judge of character, I know what I’m talking about.”

Jude had to laugh at that, albeit bashfully. ‘Wise insight’ really wasn’t a trait he’d ever think of himself as having. It was more a way he would describe Justin’s view of the world or even Winston himself, because most writers worth their craft had it. He was just a nurse and even if he knew he loved his job and did it well, he didn’t see it as wisdom-generating. More compassion and empathy, but maybe that helped with the insightful thing. “I don’t know how you picked up what I was trying to say before I said it but okay, that sounds like better than just mere ‘good’ judge of character. I just want you to prioritise whatever you need to with this. You’re an excellent, exceptional journalist who has a real raw talent for writing about celebrities and giving them dimension on a page. You should prioritise your career. But of course I’ll come to Australia with you if you need to go and want me for company. There’s nothing I’d love more. Besides, I’ve worked in ICUs. I know what you’re going to head into trying to gather info on how Justin is faring and what his prognosis is. I want more than anything to be there to help you through it. When Reecy’s off duty, that is. She’s still your Number One.”

Winston smiled and leaned over to give Jude a kiss. “Maybe. But that doesn’t mean anyone I fall in love with won’t be equal Number One. And before you protest, I’m paying for the entire trip, so don’t make things weird by arguing with me. You’re there for me. I couldn’t have it any other way. I’ll talk to Ree and make a few plans, if you can tee up with your work about requesting leave. Only thing is, we’ll probably need to leave in the next few days. If you can’t get your roster juggled, I’ll pay for you to fly over separately. But if we fly together, might give us a good chance to keep talking and getting to know each other as who we are now, not who we were in the past. That’s important to me. The times when things aren’t all kisses and hot sex, emotional connection and understanding each other is what matters. I want you to know you can talk to me about anything. And… I know how much you’ve been through. Not just with you and Reecy but being support for Lorenzo after his partner suicided and all that stuff. Your life, your experiences, and wants, and hopes, and dreams. Even the hard stuff. You don’t have to hide or censor any of it. None of that makes me think any less of you. If we’re going to do this, I don’t want you censoring anything about what you’ve gone through to get here. I’d actually like if you would talk to me about it all some day, when you’re ready to. And I’ll do the same in return.”

“I will. I promise. I wouldn’t want to hide any of it anyway. That noncommunicative secretive jerk I used to be doesn’t exist anymore. It ruined one good relationship, I’m never letting it ruin another.” Jude and Winston shared another kiss, this time slow and lingering. He could feel there was hope and promise behind it and he hadn’t felt this content and hopeful about something in a really, really long time… even if there was now a confusing question mark hanging over everything that scared him more than a little.

Winston was worth the leap of faith and putting his heart on the line again.

LOG, COMPLETE