"At least we got good friends giving me great times."

[likefatherlikeson]

Who: Justin Campbell and Amarlie-Rose Satori with anyone else who wants to jump in
What: Overdue Squad Chillout
Where: Casa de Campbell, Upper East Side
When: Weekend Sleepover

It had been way too long since their squad had a decent hangout. There had been the holidays and a bunch of family shit going on - not to mention Justin discovering he had a long-lost biological birth mother out there who loved him - that time just got away and they hadn't had a chance to get together as a group. Those of them that lived at Casa de Campbell decided this weekend was it, and PJs and hot chocolate were a much, considering they were expecting snow. It was the shitty weather that had them deciding a sleepover would be fun. There was plenty of room and it would give them the chance to hang out and have fun, especially with Justin's tour due to kick off in a few weeks where he and a lot of his friends who worked with him would be on the road soon.

Dressed in his fluffy rainbow onesie PJs, Justin grabbed a Krispy Kreme donut and a can of Diet Dr Pepper and leapt over the back of the couch, dropping in the spot right up next to his sister, Amarlie, giving her a mischievous grin. "So - how about them vajayjays?" he asked pointedly, licking some donut glaze off his pinkie finger.

Comments

[friendsforever]

"No, I don't think I'm a FWB type of person. I'f rather just be single. I mean, sex is super fun and all but it's much better when you're in love with the person. But that's another thing. Amarlie's the first other girl I've ever had sex with beyond Maryanne. I don't even know how it happened. We were dancing. I asked her to dance because she was looking a bit lonely. The dancing got heated, so we went out the back to the other empty hall and we started making out. Then it just... happened. We just didn't stop once we started. I'm not saying it was all super sex or anything. We weren't naked, there was no comfy bed, we could've gotten caught. It was quick. First time with a girl or not, she really knew what she had to do. I went down on her and she seemed to really like it. So, there was definitely something there," Layla had to establish, giving Will a sheepish look. "I love oral. So, sue me! There's so much to love about girl's bodies. They make more sense to me than penis does. Now you and Jus have both moved on. But I'm so proud of you both, that you could reunite and be friends. What did you all talk about at the diner that day? It's got to be intense writing his book for him. Is it full-on?"

[musthavebeenlove]

"I kinda think Amarlie's probably a lot like that. I don't know her super well yet but she doesn't seem like the FWB type. I'm not either. I figured that out basically as soon as I started dating Jus. Luke's always been the FWB type in our family and before I lost my virginity, I thought it sounded cool but sex is WAY better when you're dating. Just... don't tell Zeke I said that. I don't want him to think I'm missing out because he can't do it. I don't feel that at all. I love him and I love taking care of him. I don't need sex. Even if he wants to try... something. Whatever he can manage." Will tipped his head with a soft hum of thought hearing Layla relay how things with Amarlie kicked off. "Well, did you guys talk or anything? Or was it just all hungry lust, want to rip each other's clothes off and words were surplus to requirement? Hey, I love oral too. No judgement here. You go, girlfriend! If I was into girls, I'd definitely be hot for Amarlie too. She's gorgeous. But she's also headstrong and independent. She does have Hart blood, remember? All that oozes out of Gen and Paris. Jus confides in me a lot with the book. In so many ways, it's been healing for us. And for me, to know he doesn't hate me and still trusts me. I know he's moved on and Sash is clearly his soul mate but he'll always be special to me. We shared a lot of firsts. It helps that I think Sash is awesome too. Can't believe I hit him that one time. What a fuck up, I was. But yeah, the things Jus is telling me are pretty full-on. A lot won't go in the book, he just fills me in for context."

[friendsforever]

Layla ruffled Will's hair and smiled. "You're forgetting I know you better than you know yourself sometimes, sweetness. We might've fallen out for a bit but that doesn't take away all we went through together as BFFs. We're back on track now and I love seeing you grow with Zeke. I know you don't need sex. You didn't always have much of a libido before you met Justin. Once you fell in love, you realised you wanted to tap into all that and you loved it while you had it but you also didn't need it. You both had a choppy sex drive sometimes and you were fine. You still loved deeply and you never once told me you felt like you were missing anything when you couldn't have sex with him. There's no reason it would be different with Zeke. You learned a lot losing Jus. I know that. It means you now get to be what Zeke needs. You get to be what each other needs. Are you scared to try things with him? You can talk to me about this. We always talked about the tough stuff." She rested her head on his shoulder and smirked. "We didn't really talk. I think that's the thing. I'm a people person and I love talking. Jumping right into sex? I've never done that before. It feels strange, missing something I need. But if she's okay with just sex, I don't want to force her to be all talky-touchy-feely, you know? How cool is it that you and Jus broke down over not enough communication but now you're communicating better than ever? How's the book going? I remember you telling me how scared you were that you weren't good enough to do it. You didn't want to fuck it up."

[musthavebeenlove]

Will pressed his lips together, running his thumb around the rim of his soda can. "I feel for him. He's had more years with cancer than without in his life and he was at his worst when he should've been going through puberty. Like, I was in remission by the time I hit puberty. I know my development with all that was delayed and even now, I still have times I can't get it up but I can't imagine what it's like to be his age and not know what it feels like to be horny or have a boner. But I do know that it's really hard to want to make love to the person you love and not be able to do it. I want to keep reassuring him I understand and don't need sex but I'd end up being a broken record and it'd be kind of insulting anyway, when he's told me he believes me when I say it. I made the mistake of not listening to Justin enough when he told me stuff, I don't want to do that shit with Zeke. I need to be better." He checked on Zeke, who was lying on the sofa with Fin and Shannon keeping him company. "I'm scared I might hurt him. If we try sex, he's got to bottom. I'm extremely conscious his butt is not too far away from where he's had the tumours and that he's got a stoma bag. I don't want his first time to be absolutely awful and scar him forever. He's wanted it so long. So, if Amarlie turns out to be gay or bi, you'd want to date her? Because she's gorgeous, Lays. You guys would be sweet together. Well, I'm at a part in the book that's tough and he's kind of hedging with it at the moment. It's the part where he's been touching on wanting to find his dad, to escape the abuse. There's still some dissociation there. It's patchy. But it's okay. He doesn't need to rush in telling me anything."

[friendsforever]

"I can't imagine that. Being sick that long. When he first showed up in our squad when Shannon brought him along, he was well and rocking the whole cancer remission thing. And I was with you when you were sick, so I know the realities more than some. Tumours in his stomach must me so hard, though. Not knowing if he'll ever get the full use of his gut back, being in pain with it all. Considering that, on top of not having the normal sexual experiences, it's a lot. When he says he's ready to try something with you, babes. That's so much trust. And I know. I know you had that amount of trust with Justin, all you guys overcame in that sense. That means you know you can do this. You know you can get it right when you don't let yourself drop the ball. Like, I don't kow anything about the finer logistics of gay sex. I mean, I know what you guys do and how, of course. But are the chances of you hurting him more than the initial discomfort from the first time? Will you hurt him more because he's got cancer? Even then, won't he be aware of that stuff? Yet, he still wants it," Layla pointed out, rubbing the back of his hand. She dropped her head back against the chair with a sigh. "I wouldn't mind trying to date her, at least see if it's something she might want. I wouldn't just assume to not have a test drive, give her the freedom to change her mind if she's not feeling it. I know what she's going through. I thought I was straight before I met Maryanne. Gay didn't even cross my mind for a moment before that."

[musthavebeenlove]

Will's gazed shifted over to Zeke. Fin had gotten him a trash can and he looked like he might need to use it before the evening was out. The BIG thing Will had to be learning with Zeke was not to fuss and turn his insecurities about caring he someone he loved into hovering and going overboard. Zeke had Shannon and Fin too and he was close to both of them. Will knew the guys would take good care of Zeke, he didn't need to rush over like a white knight. He had shelved his rescue complex and found a better balance. "He gets scared every doctor's appointment that they'll tell him he needs the bag permanently. Even if he doesn't have more operations, there could still be scar tissue. He's just over it. The days he's in so much pain, I seriously feel as useless as I did when Jus had his bad days. You want to fix it but you can't. But he calls me out on my shit if I slip. Whereas Jus, it was radio silence because he didn't know how to verbalise what he was feeling." He shot Layla a grin, laughing. "I remember when you told me you thought gay porn was hot. Is it weird that I'm worried I've forgotten what to do? There's been nothing since Jus. But no, I won't hurt him more than general. He's had small tumours in his bowel, but it's mostly in his gut. I get a feeling that he's more worried about whether I'll be turned on by it while he's sick than the technicalities. I mean, the technicalities literally boils down to just a dick in an arse, you know?"

He uncrossed his legs and pushed forward to the edge of the seat. "I can go over and ask her for you. You're my BFF, I can be the messenger. Sometimes you've just got to take a leap of faith, Lays. Didn't you figure it all out with Maryanne when you guys slept togetherr? Maybe this is the same thing. But you know if I go over there, Justin and I will probably tag-team you guys. It's a squad prerogative. They're having an epic D&M, so I'm going to be they're talking about this. You know Justin can be a cupid dog with a bone."

[friendsforever]

"When I spoke to Merlin over the holidays, he said Brandon was much the same. Even getting remission news, you still know it could come back at any time. Look at what happened to Beau. Does he stay in good spirits or is it getting harder to keep positive? I remember when you were sick and you hit that point where it felt like there was no hope and you were so miserable. You didn't want to get out of bed or talk to anyone. And you were younger. You hadn't gotten to that dating or being epically social part of your life." Layla watched Zeke for a moment where he was in excellent hands with Shannon and Fin, then her gaze shifted to Justin. "Do you think you guys might still be together if he could've verbalised how he was feeling and what he needed? But then we wouldn't have met Sash. Everything would be different. Jus might not even still be here. He told me once he was pretty sure he would be dead if he hadn't met Sash. So, you're saying, even if he's sick, you're still epically attracted to him. That's just hard for him to believe because he doesn't feel sexy."

She grabbed Will's arm and yanked him back. "Don't you DARE! Not because I don't want you talking to her but because I can tell Justin's Gay-Yodaing her and we all need a little Gay-Yoda in our lives. I'll talk to her. I will. I'm just not really sure how to broach the whole thing without making it awkward for her. I don't want her to think she has to do anything just because we did that once, you know? I hadn't dated anyone before Maryanne. Not even close. Amarlie's dated. Guys. Jus can be an epic cupid. I've just never been on the receiving end of his bow. Is it true his new mom is dating his Uncle Sam?"

[musthavebeenlove]

"That's the worst part. It's like winning the lottery but they tell you they're going to pay your winnings in dimes and not for five years down the track. Or thinking you've met your soul mate online, only to found out you've been catfished. I'm not as bad worrying about it coming back as I used to be but I'm getting further and further away from the highest average relapse period. Even if Brandon's transplant is ultimately a success and he survives it to get his remission, how sick he's been, he probably has high chance of it returning. Beau would've had less chance and his came back. This is Zeke's second shot too, so he's not thinking so positive about his chances." It was never easy for him to think about how severe Justin's suicidal intent was when they broke up. He knew he wasn't the cause of what happened at Bondi but he hadn't made life any easier for Justin before it. "No, we wouldn't have still been together. I needed the reality check to see how toxic my rescue complex was. It would've still happened sooner or later. He's Sash's soul mate. They belong together. Sash gave him a reason to keep going. Jus and I are much better now than I think we ever were. He's not the same person he was when we were together. Not in a bad way, in a good way. He's intuned to helping people. He would've outgrown me."

He shook his head, amused. "Awkward? It would be more awkward if you avoid her and don't bring it up. There's no sense in avoiding it when it might turn out to be something really cool and sweet. Ask her out. She could say no, but at least you'll know and you'll know why. She won't just tell you to take a hike, she'll explain why. She's a sweetheart. You're not backing her into a corner. Giving her the chance to think about it and decline if she doesn't think she's into girls is the opposite of making her feel she has to reciprocate anything again. Well, I've been on the receiving end of his bow and he has a high batting average with it. His Uncle Sam? Seriously? That would make his uncle his stepdad if anything got serious there. That's surreal."

[friendsforever]

Layla took Will's hand, patting the back of it. "I know that's a hard thing for you to face. The fact your anxiety about the leukemia coming back is part of why things went to shit with Justin. You weree projecting onto him. Like, saving him would make up for not being able to ensure you could save yourself. See? I get it. I watched it playing out. And I think that's part of the reason why Justin's asked you to write his book for him. Besides the fact he loves your writing and knows you can do it. He wants you to have insider access to his thoughts and feelings through that time, because your own fears skewed your view of it. You beat yourself up so badly about it all and he's told me verbatim that he never wanted you to blame yourself for not being able to cope with everything. You would've been way better coping if Justin had cancer because cancer, you know it. You felt helpless and useless with Jus. With Zeke, you understand his pain and struggles. Are you scared he's going to die? I know you were scared about the same thing with Justin but Zeke hasn't started to get better with chemo and it's normal for you to be scared about that stuff. Especially when you know how scared he'll be too."

"Okay, this is going to sound stupid because I know Justin like he's my own brother these days but... she's his big sister! What if things go bad and he wants to kick my ass because I hurt her? Not that I intend to hurt her and not that every dating attempt that doesn't work out means people will get hurt. But she's precious cargo. Not that I'm into kinky sex or anything but I don't want to break her. I'm not actually, like, a super experienced lesbian or anything. I've only ever been with one girl. Well, two, including Amarlie." She shoved a handful of Jelly Bellys into her mouth, nodding as she chewed through the mishmash of flavours and washed them down with some Mountain Dew. "Stepdad if they got married but I don't even think it'd feel like that to anyone. Sam knows Justin doesn't need a stepdad, he thinks his real dad is his hero and he's SO close to his Uncle Sam. It would just be so sweet if his birth mom and his uncle found love together."

[musthavebeenlove]

"Yeah, I think that's something I'll always have with me, even if I know he's forgiven me and we've moved on. I know that I couldn't have saved him and all he ever wanted was for me to talk to him and listen to what he was trying to tell me. I was young and stupid. The hard part is, I know I contributed to Bondi and I blamed myself for it for so long. You don't know how many times I rewatched that video of him, dragging him out of the surf. And for a long time, I though Sash saved him and succeeded in what I lost. But that was stupid too. I'm good friends with Sash now and he's been pretty generous telling me the ways he very much hasn't rescued Justin. The difference is, he never wanted to. He just wanted to love him, with no conditions." Will puffed his cheeks out and had to nod, even if it was never easy to admit cancer might win. "I'm scared because he's scared. He's not plateued. The chemo's a struggle. He's terrified they're always going to tell him there's more tumours. But I love him so much and I can't do anything to help him."

He snorted in amusement, glad of a bit of lighter relief with the heavy subjects. "Justin kick your arse for a relationship not working out? Are we talking about the same Justin? He loves you like a sister too. He's not going to go all scary-arsed little brother. If you hurt her, you might get a bitching out but only if you deserve it. You're not going to hurt her, Lays. That's not you. Are you sure you're over Maryanne? It's a huge step, starting to date someone new. You've go to be sure you're over here. Amarlie doesn't anything less. Justin probably will kick your arse in that case, if you say you're over her but you're really not. It's okay if you're not."