Jesse Joe Hartley (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
slowsouthernstyle) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
dreamlikenewyork2019-06-02 01:28 am
slowsouthernstyle) wrote in dreamlikenewyork2019-06-02 01:28 am
"I don't know too much family history, I don't keep in touch."
Who: Jesse Hartley and Evan Turner
What: Revelations of the past
Where: Turner/Hartley/Casey Home, NYC
When: Same time as this
When Evan got home from his doctor’s appointment at the hospital, he was surprised to find Jesse in the kitchen measuring out some burgundy-colour medicine into a medicine cup. “Hey, buddy. You get a good run on the trip home? Jacey not well?” He put his keys and his wallet on the counter by the fruit bowl and gestured to the medicine bottle.
Jesse tipped the medicine into a small plastic cup, a special disability aid to prevent choking, of soda water and stirred it with a teaspoon. “The trip was fine until we got as far as Connecticut and Jace had a seizure. It was only about four minutes long and he came out of it quickly but he spent the last leg being sick the whole way. I’ve given him a shot but he keeps dry-retching so I need to try to ease the stomach spasms. We sat him up the front of the car but I think the motion was still an issue. I wasn’t dealing with it on my own. Liam and Damo were a big help. We're not out of the woods yet.”
Evan sighed, feeling his typical big brother worry amp up. “Yeah, if his neuro-receptors get scrambled, it’d be impossible for him to escape the motion sickness. No episodes while you were away?” He followed Jesse up the hall towards the wing of the house he shared with Jace.
“Not even close. He’s been fine. We had a nice time, even if it was emotional as hell. Actually, I’ve got a huge favour I wanted to ask you. Hold that though, though.” Jesse headed into his and Jace’s bedroom where Jace was lying in bed hugging a sick bag. The room was pitch black safe for an infant night light plugged into a socket across the room. He navigated himself to sit in behind Jace, using his own thigh as a pillow to prop Jace up just enough to try to help him drink without choking. “Little sips, darlin’. Take it slow.” He held the spout of the cup to Jace’s lips and coaxed him to drink. With his other hand, he softly stroked Jace’s hair back from his face to comfort him.
“He’s still non-verbal?” Evan asked, watching his little brother in Jesse’s capable hands. If Jace could get the antispasmodic medication into his belly, it should settle enough to let him crash and sleep it off. He went over to take Jace’s hand to check his pulse.“When was he last sick?”
Jesse nodded, concentrating on getting as much of the liquid into Jace as he could. “He hasn’t spoken after the seizure. He had a lil’ bit of a cry when he couldn’t stop being sick but I think it was frustration and he got himself a lil’ distressed. It’s okay. Overall, he’s done well. He’s just exhausted and needs to sleep. Fifteen-twenty minutes ago, give or take.” He set the cup aside when Jace was done and gave Evan a careful look. He had more to say but it could wait until Jace was asleep. It didn’t take long and once he crashed out, Jesse made sure none of his clothing or blankets were restricting him in the bed.
“What is it?” Evan queried once Jesse was satisfied Jace was settled and safe and they exited the bedroom to let him sleep. They had a little camera and monitor, much like a baby monitor, which was a new addition since Jace’s recent lengthy hospital stay. Thankfully, they hadn’t had to rely on it too much because he had been improving.
“He’s incontinent. I’m going to keep a close eye on him over the next couple of days but I just wanted to let you know. We might need to get him in for another infusion. I’m going to make some tea if you’re up for it. You feeling okay?” Jesse asked, heading back to the kitchen to put the kettle on and he could see how much Evan was worrying just from the look on his face. “It’s okay. He actually came out of it really well. I don’t know if he’s got a bit of an upset stomach independent of the seizure. He didn’t eat breakfast and wasn’t really interested in lunch when we stopped either. If he’s picked up a lil’ bug or something, we know that can trigger seizures.”
Evan gave a dismissive wave of his fingers. “I’m not too bad. Need to just wait on MRI results. Alright, I won’t stress just yet. I know he’s in good hands with you and you’ll let me know the moment there’s anything to worry about. Does he know he’s been incontinent. Fuck, I hope not. It’s his worst nightmare when it happens. How was the rest of the trip? How’s Brandon and Wes holding up?”
“I don’t think he was fully aware of it, it was before he was really receptive. I just got him cleaned up and he’s in pads for the moment. I’m hoping it passes and he wakes up okay.” Jesse filled the kettle and put it on the stove to boil. “Stressful morning rounding everyone up to leave early. Brandon had to be back at the hospital for chemo by eleven. None of them seemed to have gotten a good night’s sleep. Brandon was in a vile mood but he wasn’t really taking it out on anyone. He’s just in a lot of pain today. Wes was like the Walking Dead and barely upright. That’s actually what I needed to talk to you about.”
Evan got a bottle of seltzer from the fridge sat down at the kitchen table with it in the meantime waiting for the tea. “Just give me a shout if you need a hand, okay? I don’t mind keeping an eye on him if you want to crash and get a nap yourself. It’s a long drive. He’s more content when you’re there to rest with him. You need to talk to me about the Walking Dead?”
Jesse took the milk from the fridge and checked the date. “I might take you up on that in a lil’ while. It’s about Wes. He’s started to hit withdrawals and he’s been a mess in general. Noah had a chat to us at breakfast this morning when Wes was in the shower and he wondered if maybe there was a chance you might be able to be a sponsor for Wes while he tries to tackle all this. Alex said he’s happy for Wes to detox at home but only if there can be a doctor on hand. He offered to do it himself but I thought we could kill two birds with one stone if you be on hand as a sponsor for him as well as monitor him through detox. It’s gonna be really hard with the antiretrovirals knocking him on his ass. He’s not doing so well. He and Noah nearly crashed and burned before they even got started but they seem to have worked it out.”
“Poor kid. I fucking feel for him. AVs and detox are nasty fuckers on their own, let alone trying to deal with it together. Wasn’t the plan to just keep him on the booze until he stabilised with his meds?” Evan couldn’t remember what the exact plan was. Alex had said Wes was emotionally all over the place but he hadn’t revealed any details about Wesley’s treatment regime, of course. But they knew what was going on through Merlin.
“He’s been too sick to keep alcohol down and he really doesn’t want to be admitted to hospital if he can help it. Honestly, I didn’t see much of him while we were away. I saw Noah on and off but Wes was in bed a lot. There was another massive blow-up with a phone call from his father too. It’s a really toxic situation all that but it culminated in Wesley having a massive breakdown and smashing his phone. I don’t know all the details, we’ve all covered a hell of a lot of emotional ground on the trip. I’m exhausted with all the ups and downs,” Jesse admitted, leaning against the counter and rubbing his face. “Wes is a real sweet kid and I don’t wanna see him hurt or trying to go any of this alone. He’s as much my little brother as Merlin and it breaks my heart he’s had to take this horrible blow when all he was doing was trying to figure out who he really was.”
Evan was nodding as he listened, scratching the back of his head. “I’m happy to be his sponsor but he’s got to trust me. Do you think he will? He’s probably got trust issues and worrying about being a burden when Merlin’s so tied up. I didn’t have a lot of time with him when he was staying here with Merlin. What’s he like as a kid? He and Merlin seem similar.”
“Wesley’s the extrovert to Merlin’s introvert but they have similar senses of humour, likes, dislikes. Wes was always a little more rebellious and adventurous than Merlin. Merlin’s more the one to play it on the safe side but because Merlin was super curious, they got into a lot of mischief together. Like, Merlin was the sort of kid who would ask a billion questions and then follow it without about a billion more ‘Whys?’ Absolutely no filter questions either,” Jesse laughed, shaking his head. “I’m talking asking his dad why boys have willies and if you can break it like you break your ankle in front the Sunday School teacher once. Take away the fact Wes is sick and just been diagnosed with HIV, he’d be a funny, sweet guy. In normal circumstances, he and Merlin would be a riot together. Jace reminds me of them. He’d trust you, I don’t doubt that at all. I think he’s been doing a lot of observing since he got to New York and, like I did when I got here, starting to see what a shitshow his life back home is.”
“He had a tough life?” Evan asked, realising he didn’t know a lot about Wesley beyond the fact he was Merlin’s BFF and came from a religious family like Jess had. Things had been understandably scrambled with Brandon coming into the mix of their family. Evan had an interesting time with his extended family once they heard The Brandon Blake had spent Christmas at their place. His private social media messages exploded with messages from family after Brandon announced to the world he had cancer too, asking they knew he was sick at Christmas.
Jesse played with his wedding ring as they chatted and checked the little hand-held monitor to make sure Jace hadn’t moved in his sleep. “It was a strict religious life. His dad’s the pastor of our church. Or at least, the church that was my church when I was back there. To make it worse, Wesley’s the youngest child and only son. He has five older sisters and his youngest sister is seven years older than him. She finished high school and went to college when Wes was eleven. He had a couple of other sisters who still lived at home because they went to a nearby college but the focus was on Wes and following in his father’s footsteps, being a real man and finding a wife to have children and carry on the family name. Like that’s the only fucking thing of worth in this world,” he added, unable to keep the bitter from his words and he turned around to pour the boiling water into the teapot.
Evan noticed how much this was agitating Jesse and that was the last thing he wanted to do when he was already stressed after helping Jace through a seizure and driving four hours back from Cape Cod because Jace couldn’t fly. He knew Jesse had nothing to do with his own biological family anymore but that didn’t take away the scars left from being raised in that sort of upbringing only to realise you’re gay. “Fucking hell. Five sisters. I don’t have to be a genius or a Saint to guess that his family probably would’ve been about as accepting as yours if he came out to them. That’s why he needed to get away.”
“Yeah, but… Merlin told Damo and me something else while we were away. Wes said his father hit him. I don’t know the ins and outs but it was something to do with him not doing what his father told him to about going to college and thinking Wes is throwing his life away on music and drinking. Wes had the typical victim mindset, that his father only did it a couple of times and it wasn’t all the time or anything. Knowing his father the way I do, if Wes ever even tried to hint he was homosexual, they would’ve shipped him off to a conversion camp and I ain’t talking about one of the softcore ones either. And I know, because I fucking went to one!” Jesse’s emotions quickly escalated but he braced his hands on the top of the counter and hung his head, scrunching his face up so he didn’t let them get the better of him while he needed to be on the ball to take care of Jace. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”
Evan’s mouth dropped open, not expecting Jesse to say something like that in a million years. He had never mentioned it. At least, not to him. He might have said something to Jace but Jace had zero filter most of the time, it would have come out if he knew. “Jess…” He wanted to get up and give Jesse a hug but he didn’t want to seem like he was patronising him. “Well, you married my little brother and I’ve walked in on you two going at it, so I think it’s safe to say it really didn’t work.”
Jesse shook his head. “This ain’t about me.” He pressed his lips together and shot Evan a look because they had been brothers-in-law long enough now for him to know Evan wouldn’t just let it drop. It was Evan’s way to joke about things to try to lighten the mood but in this case, it wasn’t something Jesse would ever be able to feel humour about. “No. But I started to think it was. Until it nearly killed me. Even if it doesn't work, that shit sticks with you. Try having emetics plied into you and then played hardcore gay porn so that when you're watching it, you vomit so much, your throat bleeds because they think the brain will forge a trauma-response connection and turn you off gay sex or naked men in sexual situations. It was definitely fucking traumatising. I still can't watch porn to this day but it didn't stop me being gay."
He was going to leave it at that but he was pretty by Evan's Neurologist mind would be protesting the tactics Jesse was describing. "I was in a real bad way. I've probably blocked a lot of it out. Anyway, I was in the middle of one of their… therapies and had a massive seizure. Then apparently I had three more. I ended up in a coma for around six weeks and when I came-to, I was so fucking terrified they’d send me back, I let my parents believe it worked. Long enough to finish college so I could at least get away and have the ability to earn a living and start a new life. They would have rathered risk my life putting me under that much stress, which has always been my main trigger, than me being gay. That’s why I was so desperate for things to work out when I got here to New York. Just believe me when I say that Wesley’s safer here with us, where we can take care of him and love him.”
This time, Evan did get up and give Jesse a hug. Patronising wouldn’t even come into it. “It’s about you if it’s stirring up your past, buddy. But I understand, you don’t wanna talk about it. You haven’t told Jacey, have you?”
Jesse appreciated the hug even if he didn’t want to let this drag him down right now. Not while Jace was post-ictal, not while Merlin was helping Brandon through chemo and was going to get married in a week, not while Liam and Damien were going to get married within days as Merlin, not while Wesley needed him. “No and I’m not going to. Unless he ever directly asks me for some reason. Now we’ve got Wesley here, he might connect the dots. It was never a matter of purposefully keeping it from him. It’s just that I know once he knows, he’ll wanna know the whole story and it’s not gonna be an easy thing to talk about. Now is especially not the fucking time to talk to him about it because he gets extremely angry when it comes to how my family treated me. That’s, like, a hundred times worse now he knows my mother kept the truth about Merlin from me. Jace is a lil’ brother and he can’t fathom not knowing y’all for his whole life so his anger that I was denied the chance of being Merlin’s big brother makes him fucking furious. So, let’s just not go there. Not now, anyway. I’m okay. It’s just important to me that we help Wes, for what I’ve been through, for Merlin, and most importantly for Wes so he’s not alone for any of this. I know he’ll be in good hands with you and… well, compared to his five-foot-five-inch ass, you’re built like a brick shithouse and I know you’ll be able to get him through the worst of the detox.”
That part Evan did know, Jace’s anger that Jesse had been denied Merlin’s whole life as his big brother until recently. Jace had a few massive outbursts of fury over it when it first happened, once Merlin was in London. The only thing stopping him getting on a plane and flying to South Carolina to scream Jesse’s mother’s house down was the fact he couldn’t fly, it was too risky for his health. As a big brother, Evan couldn’t fathom it either when he had tried to put himself in Jesse’s shoes and think about not knowing Jace was his brother until he was eighteen years old. It was sickening. “I won’t say anything to him. I just want to know you’ll talk to him about it if he does ask you, that’s all. But I know you don’t need me telling you how to suck eggs. He’s your husband and you’ve not made a single bad move with him. I’ll help Wes. If he needs a sponsor, I’m happy to help if he thinks we can vibe together. How far into detox is he? They need me to go over now?”
Jesse nodded and started to pour the tea. “I’ve never lied to Jace and I never will, especially not when he asks me something directly.” He didn’t put milk in Evan’s. Evan had to avoid all things dairy now because he discovered it exacerbated his Crohn’s symptoms, something he learned the hard way after a midnight little brother ice cream date with Jace one night. “It’s hard to know and not through lack of trying to find out. I asked him when he had his last drink and he first said he couldn’t remember, then quickly escalated into snapping at me for riding his ass when I wasn’t his brother. So, if the shakes and the agitation are anything to go by, bearing in mind the vomiting, diarrhea, and sweats could be the HIV and his meds, I’d say early stages but probably on a slippery decline. I don’t know how heavy a drinker he’s been or how much drugs he uses but I know the drugs are isolated to weed and pills. Merlin said Wes tried coke and Ice but he had bad reactions both times and it scared him off. Would you be okay to go over today? You’ll be well enough for it?”
“I’ll be fine. Might even give me a purpose rather than lying around here feeling useless. It’s better he has a doctor on hand anyway, considering he’s got the complications with the HIV which is probably at its most active stage right now. It’s probably best we get him through this before Merlin and Brandon’s wedding. He’s Best Man, yeah?” Evan sipped his tea, never not wishing he could have milk in it because he wasn’t much of a fan of it black. But he would be fucking damned if he started drinking that nut milk shit. “Status on him and Noah? Will he want Noah there for it? I mean, Noah’s more experienced in this shit than I am. He’ll know it’s not gonna be pretty.”
Jesse went over to sit at the kitchen table where there was a container of Nana’s freshly baked cookies by the fruit bowl. Breakfast had been rushed toast and tea and because Jace had been off his food, they all skipped lunch on the drive home. He grabbed two to have with his tea. “Oh, yeah. There’s no way either Merlin or Wes could ever get married without being each other’s Best Man. It’s just one of those rules of the universe. The thing is, Wes would still get up there and do it for Merlin even if he was feeling half dead. It would be better if he could enjoy it, though. Noah’s been fighting demons and they had issues while we were away, I just wouldn’t want to say much about them because I know they’re more complex than what Merlin reported to us. It was along the lines of Noah fearing he didn’t know how to be loved. His demons getting in the way. But today, they were cozied up all morning and there were kisses and cuddles, so I’d say status is on and I’d be surprised if Wes doesn’t want him there. Saying that, he’ll probably want him there at first but might tell him to fuck off and go fuck himself once it sets in. He’ll probably want everyone to fuck off and go fuck themselves.”
While Jesse talked, Evan was watching him closely. He was every much a little brother to him now as Jace was. Once Jace firmly brought Jesse to his side as the guy he loved and wanted to marry, he was a part of the Turner family. Which is why what Jesse had just revealed to him had Evan stunned and concerned. He was wondering what Jesse went through with that conversion therapy bullshit but knew there was a chance Jesse would never give details or specifics. That’s why helping Wes was so important to him. “Jess, does it really upset you that you lost so much time being an important part of Merlin’s life, and Wesley’s by default? That Damien had what you didn’t? Do you think you could’ve been in a better position to prevent all this happening to Wes if you had?”
Those were tough questions and Jesse drew in a deep breath then exhaled slowly. On a lot of levels, he had avoided confronting these things because he tried not to dwell on the past or where he came from. His present and future held so much more happiness than his past ever had. When he discovered Merlin was his biological brother, something inside him felt like it broke but he had never been able to identify why it hurt so much so he focused on telling himself he could be Merlin’s brother now and that was what mattered more. But poised here, facing the fact Wesley’s life was mirroring his own in some ways, it was hard.
He glanced up briefly and met Evan’s intent gaze but he averted his eyes back to his hands resting on the table. “Um… I think I would’ve been able to see what was happening and maybe intercepted. I wasn’t in a position to prevent it or even help him back then. The only reason I shut up and stayed as long as I did was because I needed my parents to pay for college. Would I have wanted to know my little brother lived a block away from me my whole life? Yeah. But Damien was a great big brother, so I know he was taken care of. Damien had all the time in the world for Merlin. What I feel more is anger at my mother. Damien and Merlin’s parents still would’ve adopted him without her lies and bullshit. They tried to help her, thinking she got herself into a one-off mistake or accident but it turns out she was a serial offender. I’ve wanted to talk to Merlin’s parents about it all since it came to light but I’m not sure I can face it.”
“You’re going to see them at the wedding,” Evan murmured, noticing Jesse was conflicted with this conversation. There was a lot he wasn’t saying but that was okay. His situation was unique and he probably had a lot of mixed up and down emotions about it all. They were inevitably going to be stirred up now Merlin was getting married extremely (yet understandably) fast with little time to adjust to the news. Even after that, their families would need to have a united front for Merlin going forward in case the horrific outcome was Brandon’s death. None of them had known him very long but if he lost his life, it was going to be send shockwaves through everyone. Even worse, his death would be grieved publicly, something Merlin could struggle with if they had to face this outcome. No one wanted to think about it. “Will that be the first time since the adopted secret was spilled?”
“Yeah. Another son my mother created marrying a man. It’s the little victories,” Jesse joked with a faint smirk. He hadn’t spoken to anyone in his family since he announced his marriage to Jace and he wasn’t sure he ever would again either. He almost got a plane to South Carolina when Merlin discovered he was adopted and the truth came out but he knew if he did that, it would just breed a ferocious anger in him and he didn’t like being angry. Anger taxed him and stress would cause him to have seizures. “Unfortunately, he can’ go public about it. One thing better than my mother knowing the second son she gave birth to is queer too would be her having to see it publicly shoved down her fucking throat and people celebrating his queerness. See, I can be a nasty cunt when I need to,” he added, pointing at himself.
Evan laughed and reached over to ruffle Jesse’s hair. “I think you’ve more than earned your place at the nasty cunt table, bud. I actually think you’ve got a lot of self-control and I respect how strong you’re being with all this. I can only imagine how you’re feeling at the moment. Are you going to be okay seeing Merlin’s folks? I don’t know how you got along with them before when you and Damo were best buds when you were younger. I was talking to Jacey about it when he came and crashed my bed again when you were at work the other day and he said you seemed to have nothing but respect for them but he didn’t know if that changed since the news Merlin was your brother came to light.”
Jesse finished his second cookies and brushed the crumbs off his lap. “They were more parental to me growing up than my own parents. I wonder a lot now if that was because they knew the truth. Not that I think that was why they were kind or anything like that. They were just as kind to Wesley. Their house was constantly full of boys, it’s just how it was for them. But there was a big age gap between Damo and me, and Merlin and Wes. Six years seems like a long time but like I said, Damo and Merlin were always close. Damien loved being a big brother. Loves. He loves being a big brother. There’s no way in hell any of us are going to hold his slip after the adoption news came out against him when he was sick. I just wish I knew at the time, I could’ve helped him. I’ll be okay seeing them. I won’t be airing any dirty laundry or getting into unknown pockets of emotion. They’ll be finding out both their kids are getting married within days of each other. That’s enough for one trip.”
“Whoa! Fuck, hold on. Back the truck up - did you just say what I think you said?” Evan was pretty sure he heard right but there was also the fact Jesse was stressed and tired. He might have gotten his wires crossed. It wasn’t like it was a fax pas or a slip of the tongue, though. “Damien’s getting married too? Please to fuck tell me it’s Liam and something funky didn’t go on up in Cape Cod. You never bloody quite know in the sea air. It gets into your head, makes you all romantic and horny and shit.”
Jesse was smirking but he scratched his forehead when he realised what he just did. Thankfully, Liam and Damien weren’t hiding anything. They just hadn’t had the chance to break the news yet. “Well, if it’s making you romantic and horny and shit, you’ve got a problem. Shit would probably get in the way of some exceptional moonlit beach sex. In saying that, probably an accurate deduction of Merlin right now. He’s got a notorious dangerous gut when he’s stressed. He’d probably give you a run for your money, dude. But yes, Damien and Liam want to get married and they don’t want to wait. I don’t think it’s all that different to you and Christian. But because they were engaged before and so much shit has happened for them, having a wedding isn’t important. They just want to reboot and get back on track. They’re doing it when we’re all up in Cape Cod for the wedding. Provincetown is a pretty big LGBT+ town apparently and it’s going to be Pride up there. And they want me to marry them. Did you know that? Anyone can get a one-off licence to marry someone in Massachusetts? I’m seriously fucking shitting myself. See, look, now I sound like Merlin.”
Evan was shaking his head in surprise but he was smiling because he knew exactly what it was like to want to reboot and just get a relationship on track after it fucked up and fell apart. He and Christian were on the same journey but it had been somewhat cockblocked by Evan’s health, which still wasn’t settled and he was waiting to see if he needed more surgery. Being out of action was driving him up the wall, even if he had been doing a few hours here and there for consultations at work but he missed the hands-on patient care. “I’m so fucking happy for them. Seriously. I can understand not wanting a wedding. It’s different for Merlin and Brandon, they’re doing it to make memories in case Brandon’s time’s running out. If you know you would’ve been married if you hadn’t shit up the first time, it’s different. How long’s Merlin had gut issues when he’s stressed? Sorry, don’t mean to doctor him when he’s not here. Fuck, no, I didn’t know that but that’s damn gorgeous, Jess. Why are you shitting yourself? You’ve been Damo’s best bud forever.”
“Oh, they’ll make memories. A little birdie told me Merlin’s friends are cookie up a big surprise to spring on them. I did try to isolate Merlin and get some of his wedding plans out of him but he’s too distracted. He’s got Brandon who’s doing his best to keep his head above water, Wesley who’s going to hit the red zone of withdrawal soon and still trying to accept that he’s Positive, Noah freaking out a lil’, Damien and Liam springing their marriage on him, and his own whole freak out at Karaoke while we were up there. Fuck, that was horrible. It was like just in that moment, it hit him that Brandon might die.” Jesse got up and got a bottle of OJ from the fridge and he checked on Jace via the monitor before he sat down again. “Merlin’s had nervous guts as long as I’ve known him. He’s had issues with all the stress lately too. I think Montana bought out half the GI aisle at the pharmacy while we were up there when she ran some errands for them. You think it could be IBS or something? I’m shitting myself - pardon the pun considering our subject matter - because it’s such an important thing. It’s sacred and… and it’s the actual marriage! I already told Merlin not to get any ideas in his head. I might die of stress if I have to do two in as many days.”
Evan shook his head, folding his arms loosely over his chest. “Merlin won’t put that on you. I don’t think he’ll put it on anyone directly linked to him or Brandon because it’s going to be way too emotional. Everyone will be excited for them and buzzing in the lead-up to it but the actual ceremony is going to be really hard to get through. I’ll have a chat with Merlin about how he’s holding up when I’m over there for Wes. One of the biggest errors a carer makes is forgetting to look after themselves because they’re so focused on the person they’re caring for. We all know that but this is new to Merlin. If he’s not feeling the best, he’s probably not even letting on about it. How was he after we gave him the hit of weed?” He patted Jesse’s back with a smile. “You’re gonna be great, Jess. You’re close to both Liam and Damien and it’s something they’ll remember forever. You’re right, it is sacred. That’s why they’ve asked you and not some celebrant they don’t know.”
“Oh, shit, he was a pain in the ass. High and no filter isn’t the best mix for a guy who will pretty much talk the legs off a table if you left him to it. He crashed when we got up there and slept it off but now you ask, he said he thought the weed gave him an upset stomach. Could more be the stress of him picking arguments with Brandon because he was hyper. Poor Brandon had the patience of a freaking saint that day. You know, I wasn’t sure how ideal of a match they were at first, they didn’t seem each others type. I thought Brandon was more like his public persona but seeing them together, they’re perfect. Kind of like a Yin and Yang connection. I think without the stress of the cancer and Brandon’s treatment, they’d be the most chill and content couple.” Jesse grabbed the monitor when movement on the screen caught his eye and then stood. “Jace’s trying to get up. I better go see if he’s okay. Will you text me and let me know how Wes gets on? I’m really worried about him.”
“Yeah, of course, buddy. Try not to worry too much. We’ll get him through it, whatever it takes. At least if there are complications and he needs to get to an ER, I’ll be there to make sure he gets there and he’s not screaming at everyone he loves to fuck off and not touch him,” Evan said wryly, standing up too. “I’ll give you a call if Merlin needs some extra support. I know B’s back at chemo, he’s probably not feeling crash hot. Remember to let me know if Jacey doesn’t pick up, I’ll shoot through an order for him to go in for an infusion.”
Jesse knew Evan was talking from personal experience here, which is why he was a perfect choice to help Wes through the hardest parts of this. “Thanks, Ev. Keep an eye on them all for me. It’s new dynamics, I don’t know how it’s going to play out.”
LOG, COMPLETE
What: Revelations of the past
Where: Turner/Hartley/Casey Home, NYC
When: Same time as this
When Evan got home from his doctor’s appointment at the hospital, he was surprised to find Jesse in the kitchen measuring out some burgundy-colour medicine into a medicine cup. “Hey, buddy. You get a good run on the trip home? Jacey not well?” He put his keys and his wallet on the counter by the fruit bowl and gestured to the medicine bottle.
Jesse tipped the medicine into a small plastic cup, a special disability aid to prevent choking, of soda water and stirred it with a teaspoon. “The trip was fine until we got as far as Connecticut and Jace had a seizure. It was only about four minutes long and he came out of it quickly but he spent the last leg being sick the whole way. I’ve given him a shot but he keeps dry-retching so I need to try to ease the stomach spasms. We sat him up the front of the car but I think the motion was still an issue. I wasn’t dealing with it on my own. Liam and Damo were a big help. We're not out of the woods yet.”
Evan sighed, feeling his typical big brother worry amp up. “Yeah, if his neuro-receptors get scrambled, it’d be impossible for him to escape the motion sickness. No episodes while you were away?” He followed Jesse up the hall towards the wing of the house he shared with Jace.
“Not even close. He’s been fine. We had a nice time, even if it was emotional as hell. Actually, I’ve got a huge favour I wanted to ask you. Hold that though, though.” Jesse headed into his and Jace’s bedroom where Jace was lying in bed hugging a sick bag. The room was pitch black safe for an infant night light plugged into a socket across the room. He navigated himself to sit in behind Jace, using his own thigh as a pillow to prop Jace up just enough to try to help him drink without choking. “Little sips, darlin’. Take it slow.” He held the spout of the cup to Jace’s lips and coaxed him to drink. With his other hand, he softly stroked Jace’s hair back from his face to comfort him.
“He’s still non-verbal?” Evan asked, watching his little brother in Jesse’s capable hands. If Jace could get the antispasmodic medication into his belly, it should settle enough to let him crash and sleep it off. He went over to take Jace’s hand to check his pulse.“When was he last sick?”
Jesse nodded, concentrating on getting as much of the liquid into Jace as he could. “He hasn’t spoken after the seizure. He had a lil’ bit of a cry when he couldn’t stop being sick but I think it was frustration and he got himself a lil’ distressed. It’s okay. Overall, he’s done well. He’s just exhausted and needs to sleep. Fifteen-twenty minutes ago, give or take.” He set the cup aside when Jace was done and gave Evan a careful look. He had more to say but it could wait until Jace was asleep. It didn’t take long and once he crashed out, Jesse made sure none of his clothing or blankets were restricting him in the bed.
“What is it?” Evan queried once Jesse was satisfied Jace was settled and safe and they exited the bedroom to let him sleep. They had a little camera and monitor, much like a baby monitor, which was a new addition since Jace’s recent lengthy hospital stay. Thankfully, they hadn’t had to rely on it too much because he had been improving.
“He’s incontinent. I’m going to keep a close eye on him over the next couple of days but I just wanted to let you know. We might need to get him in for another infusion. I’m going to make some tea if you’re up for it. You feeling okay?” Jesse asked, heading back to the kitchen to put the kettle on and he could see how much Evan was worrying just from the look on his face. “It’s okay. He actually came out of it really well. I don’t know if he’s got a bit of an upset stomach independent of the seizure. He didn’t eat breakfast and wasn’t really interested in lunch when we stopped either. If he’s picked up a lil’ bug or something, we know that can trigger seizures.”
Evan gave a dismissive wave of his fingers. “I’m not too bad. Need to just wait on MRI results. Alright, I won’t stress just yet. I know he’s in good hands with you and you’ll let me know the moment there’s anything to worry about. Does he know he’s been incontinent. Fuck, I hope not. It’s his worst nightmare when it happens. How was the rest of the trip? How’s Brandon and Wes holding up?”
“I don’t think he was fully aware of it, it was before he was really receptive. I just got him cleaned up and he’s in pads for the moment. I’m hoping it passes and he wakes up okay.” Jesse filled the kettle and put it on the stove to boil. “Stressful morning rounding everyone up to leave early. Brandon had to be back at the hospital for chemo by eleven. None of them seemed to have gotten a good night’s sleep. Brandon was in a vile mood but he wasn’t really taking it out on anyone. He’s just in a lot of pain today. Wes was like the Walking Dead and barely upright. That’s actually what I needed to talk to you about.”
Evan got a bottle of seltzer from the fridge sat down at the kitchen table with it in the meantime waiting for the tea. “Just give me a shout if you need a hand, okay? I don’t mind keeping an eye on him if you want to crash and get a nap yourself. It’s a long drive. He’s more content when you’re there to rest with him. You need to talk to me about the Walking Dead?”
Jesse took the milk from the fridge and checked the date. “I might take you up on that in a lil’ while. It’s about Wes. He’s started to hit withdrawals and he’s been a mess in general. Noah had a chat to us at breakfast this morning when Wes was in the shower and he wondered if maybe there was a chance you might be able to be a sponsor for Wes while he tries to tackle all this. Alex said he’s happy for Wes to detox at home but only if there can be a doctor on hand. He offered to do it himself but I thought we could kill two birds with one stone if you be on hand as a sponsor for him as well as monitor him through detox. It’s gonna be really hard with the antiretrovirals knocking him on his ass. He’s not doing so well. He and Noah nearly crashed and burned before they even got started but they seem to have worked it out.”
“Poor kid. I fucking feel for him. AVs and detox are nasty fuckers on their own, let alone trying to deal with it together. Wasn’t the plan to just keep him on the booze until he stabilised with his meds?” Evan couldn’t remember what the exact plan was. Alex had said Wes was emotionally all over the place but he hadn’t revealed any details about Wesley’s treatment regime, of course. But they knew what was going on through Merlin.
“He’s been too sick to keep alcohol down and he really doesn’t want to be admitted to hospital if he can help it. Honestly, I didn’t see much of him while we were away. I saw Noah on and off but Wes was in bed a lot. There was another massive blow-up with a phone call from his father too. It’s a really toxic situation all that but it culminated in Wesley having a massive breakdown and smashing his phone. I don’t know all the details, we’ve all covered a hell of a lot of emotional ground on the trip. I’m exhausted with all the ups and downs,” Jesse admitted, leaning against the counter and rubbing his face. “Wes is a real sweet kid and I don’t wanna see him hurt or trying to go any of this alone. He’s as much my little brother as Merlin and it breaks my heart he’s had to take this horrible blow when all he was doing was trying to figure out who he really was.”
Evan was nodding as he listened, scratching the back of his head. “I’m happy to be his sponsor but he’s got to trust me. Do you think he will? He’s probably got trust issues and worrying about being a burden when Merlin’s so tied up. I didn’t have a lot of time with him when he was staying here with Merlin. What’s he like as a kid? He and Merlin seem similar.”
“Wesley’s the extrovert to Merlin’s introvert but they have similar senses of humour, likes, dislikes. Wes was always a little more rebellious and adventurous than Merlin. Merlin’s more the one to play it on the safe side but because Merlin was super curious, they got into a lot of mischief together. Like, Merlin was the sort of kid who would ask a billion questions and then follow it without about a billion more ‘Whys?’ Absolutely no filter questions either,” Jesse laughed, shaking his head. “I’m talking asking his dad why boys have willies and if you can break it like you break your ankle in front the Sunday School teacher once. Take away the fact Wes is sick and just been diagnosed with HIV, he’d be a funny, sweet guy. In normal circumstances, he and Merlin would be a riot together. Jace reminds me of them. He’d trust you, I don’t doubt that at all. I think he’s been doing a lot of observing since he got to New York and, like I did when I got here, starting to see what a shitshow his life back home is.”
“He had a tough life?” Evan asked, realising he didn’t know a lot about Wesley beyond the fact he was Merlin’s BFF and came from a religious family like Jess had. Things had been understandably scrambled with Brandon coming into the mix of their family. Evan had an interesting time with his extended family once they heard The Brandon Blake had spent Christmas at their place. His private social media messages exploded with messages from family after Brandon announced to the world he had cancer too, asking they knew he was sick at Christmas.
Jesse played with his wedding ring as they chatted and checked the little hand-held monitor to make sure Jace hadn’t moved in his sleep. “It was a strict religious life. His dad’s the pastor of our church. Or at least, the church that was my church when I was back there. To make it worse, Wesley’s the youngest child and only son. He has five older sisters and his youngest sister is seven years older than him. She finished high school and went to college when Wes was eleven. He had a couple of other sisters who still lived at home because they went to a nearby college but the focus was on Wes and following in his father’s footsteps, being a real man and finding a wife to have children and carry on the family name. Like that’s the only fucking thing of worth in this world,” he added, unable to keep the bitter from his words and he turned around to pour the boiling water into the teapot.
Evan noticed how much this was agitating Jesse and that was the last thing he wanted to do when he was already stressed after helping Jace through a seizure and driving four hours back from Cape Cod because Jace couldn’t fly. He knew Jesse had nothing to do with his own biological family anymore but that didn’t take away the scars left from being raised in that sort of upbringing only to realise you’re gay. “Fucking hell. Five sisters. I don’t have to be a genius or a Saint to guess that his family probably would’ve been about as accepting as yours if he came out to them. That’s why he needed to get away.”
“Yeah, but… Merlin told Damo and me something else while we were away. Wes said his father hit him. I don’t know the ins and outs but it was something to do with him not doing what his father told him to about going to college and thinking Wes is throwing his life away on music and drinking. Wes had the typical victim mindset, that his father only did it a couple of times and it wasn’t all the time or anything. Knowing his father the way I do, if Wes ever even tried to hint he was homosexual, they would’ve shipped him off to a conversion camp and I ain’t talking about one of the softcore ones either. And I know, because I fucking went to one!” Jesse’s emotions quickly escalated but he braced his hands on the top of the counter and hung his head, scrunching his face up so he didn’t let them get the better of him while he needed to be on the ball to take care of Jace. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”
Evan’s mouth dropped open, not expecting Jesse to say something like that in a million years. He had never mentioned it. At least, not to him. He might have said something to Jace but Jace had zero filter most of the time, it would have come out if he knew. “Jess…” He wanted to get up and give Jesse a hug but he didn’t want to seem like he was patronising him. “Well, you married my little brother and I’ve walked in on you two going at it, so I think it’s safe to say it really didn’t work.”
Jesse shook his head. “This ain’t about me.” He pressed his lips together and shot Evan a look because they had been brothers-in-law long enough now for him to know Evan wouldn’t just let it drop. It was Evan’s way to joke about things to try to lighten the mood but in this case, it wasn’t something Jesse would ever be able to feel humour about. “No. But I started to think it was. Until it nearly killed me. Even if it doesn't work, that shit sticks with you. Try having emetics plied into you and then played hardcore gay porn so that when you're watching it, you vomit so much, your throat bleeds because they think the brain will forge a trauma-response connection and turn you off gay sex or naked men in sexual situations. It was definitely fucking traumatising. I still can't watch porn to this day but it didn't stop me being gay."
He was going to leave it at that but he was pretty by Evan's Neurologist mind would be protesting the tactics Jesse was describing. "I was in a real bad way. I've probably blocked a lot of it out. Anyway, I was in the middle of one of their… therapies and had a massive seizure. Then apparently I had three more. I ended up in a coma for around six weeks and when I came-to, I was so fucking terrified they’d send me back, I let my parents believe it worked. Long enough to finish college so I could at least get away and have the ability to earn a living and start a new life. They would have rathered risk my life putting me under that much stress, which has always been my main trigger, than me being gay. That’s why I was so desperate for things to work out when I got here to New York. Just believe me when I say that Wesley’s safer here with us, where we can take care of him and love him.”
This time, Evan did get up and give Jesse a hug. Patronising wouldn’t even come into it. “It’s about you if it’s stirring up your past, buddy. But I understand, you don’t wanna talk about it. You haven’t told Jacey, have you?”
Jesse appreciated the hug even if he didn’t want to let this drag him down right now. Not while Jace was post-ictal, not while Merlin was helping Brandon through chemo and was going to get married in a week, not while Liam and Damien were going to get married within days as Merlin, not while Wesley needed him. “No and I’m not going to. Unless he ever directly asks me for some reason. Now we’ve got Wesley here, he might connect the dots. It was never a matter of purposefully keeping it from him. It’s just that I know once he knows, he’ll wanna know the whole story and it’s not gonna be an easy thing to talk about. Now is especially not the fucking time to talk to him about it because he gets extremely angry when it comes to how my family treated me. That’s, like, a hundred times worse now he knows my mother kept the truth about Merlin from me. Jace is a lil’ brother and he can’t fathom not knowing y’all for his whole life so his anger that I was denied the chance of being Merlin’s big brother makes him fucking furious. So, let’s just not go there. Not now, anyway. I’m okay. It’s just important to me that we help Wes, for what I’ve been through, for Merlin, and most importantly for Wes so he’s not alone for any of this. I know he’ll be in good hands with you and… well, compared to his five-foot-five-inch ass, you’re built like a brick shithouse and I know you’ll be able to get him through the worst of the detox.”
That part Evan did know, Jace’s anger that Jesse had been denied Merlin’s whole life as his big brother until recently. Jace had a few massive outbursts of fury over it when it first happened, once Merlin was in London. The only thing stopping him getting on a plane and flying to South Carolina to scream Jesse’s mother’s house down was the fact he couldn’t fly, it was too risky for his health. As a big brother, Evan couldn’t fathom it either when he had tried to put himself in Jesse’s shoes and think about not knowing Jace was his brother until he was eighteen years old. It was sickening. “I won’t say anything to him. I just want to know you’ll talk to him about it if he does ask you, that’s all. But I know you don’t need me telling you how to suck eggs. He’s your husband and you’ve not made a single bad move with him. I’ll help Wes. If he needs a sponsor, I’m happy to help if he thinks we can vibe together. How far into detox is he? They need me to go over now?”
Jesse nodded and started to pour the tea. “I’ve never lied to Jace and I never will, especially not when he asks me something directly.” He didn’t put milk in Evan’s. Evan had to avoid all things dairy now because he discovered it exacerbated his Crohn’s symptoms, something he learned the hard way after a midnight little brother ice cream date with Jace one night. “It’s hard to know and not through lack of trying to find out. I asked him when he had his last drink and he first said he couldn’t remember, then quickly escalated into snapping at me for riding his ass when I wasn’t his brother. So, if the shakes and the agitation are anything to go by, bearing in mind the vomiting, diarrhea, and sweats could be the HIV and his meds, I’d say early stages but probably on a slippery decline. I don’t know how heavy a drinker he’s been or how much drugs he uses but I know the drugs are isolated to weed and pills. Merlin said Wes tried coke and Ice but he had bad reactions both times and it scared him off. Would you be okay to go over today? You’ll be well enough for it?”
“I’ll be fine. Might even give me a purpose rather than lying around here feeling useless. It’s better he has a doctor on hand anyway, considering he’s got the complications with the HIV which is probably at its most active stage right now. It’s probably best we get him through this before Merlin and Brandon’s wedding. He’s Best Man, yeah?” Evan sipped his tea, never not wishing he could have milk in it because he wasn’t much of a fan of it black. But he would be fucking damned if he started drinking that nut milk shit. “Status on him and Noah? Will he want Noah there for it? I mean, Noah’s more experienced in this shit than I am. He’ll know it’s not gonna be pretty.”
Jesse went over to sit at the kitchen table where there was a container of Nana’s freshly baked cookies by the fruit bowl. Breakfast had been rushed toast and tea and because Jace had been off his food, they all skipped lunch on the drive home. He grabbed two to have with his tea. “Oh, yeah. There’s no way either Merlin or Wes could ever get married without being each other’s Best Man. It’s just one of those rules of the universe. The thing is, Wes would still get up there and do it for Merlin even if he was feeling half dead. It would be better if he could enjoy it, though. Noah’s been fighting demons and they had issues while we were away, I just wouldn’t want to say much about them because I know they’re more complex than what Merlin reported to us. It was along the lines of Noah fearing he didn’t know how to be loved. His demons getting in the way. But today, they were cozied up all morning and there were kisses and cuddles, so I’d say status is on and I’d be surprised if Wes doesn’t want him there. Saying that, he’ll probably want him there at first but might tell him to fuck off and go fuck himself once it sets in. He’ll probably want everyone to fuck off and go fuck themselves.”
While Jesse talked, Evan was watching him closely. He was every much a little brother to him now as Jace was. Once Jace firmly brought Jesse to his side as the guy he loved and wanted to marry, he was a part of the Turner family. Which is why what Jesse had just revealed to him had Evan stunned and concerned. He was wondering what Jesse went through with that conversion therapy bullshit but knew there was a chance Jesse would never give details or specifics. That’s why helping Wes was so important to him. “Jess, does it really upset you that you lost so much time being an important part of Merlin’s life, and Wesley’s by default? That Damien had what you didn’t? Do you think you could’ve been in a better position to prevent all this happening to Wes if you had?”
Those were tough questions and Jesse drew in a deep breath then exhaled slowly. On a lot of levels, he had avoided confronting these things because he tried not to dwell on the past or where he came from. His present and future held so much more happiness than his past ever had. When he discovered Merlin was his biological brother, something inside him felt like it broke but he had never been able to identify why it hurt so much so he focused on telling himself he could be Merlin’s brother now and that was what mattered more. But poised here, facing the fact Wesley’s life was mirroring his own in some ways, it was hard.
He glanced up briefly and met Evan’s intent gaze but he averted his eyes back to his hands resting on the table. “Um… I think I would’ve been able to see what was happening and maybe intercepted. I wasn’t in a position to prevent it or even help him back then. The only reason I shut up and stayed as long as I did was because I needed my parents to pay for college. Would I have wanted to know my little brother lived a block away from me my whole life? Yeah. But Damien was a great big brother, so I know he was taken care of. Damien had all the time in the world for Merlin. What I feel more is anger at my mother. Damien and Merlin’s parents still would’ve adopted him without her lies and bullshit. They tried to help her, thinking she got herself into a one-off mistake or accident but it turns out she was a serial offender. I’ve wanted to talk to Merlin’s parents about it all since it came to light but I’m not sure I can face it.”
“You’re going to see them at the wedding,” Evan murmured, noticing Jesse was conflicted with this conversation. There was a lot he wasn’t saying but that was okay. His situation was unique and he probably had a lot of mixed up and down emotions about it all. They were inevitably going to be stirred up now Merlin was getting married extremely (yet understandably) fast with little time to adjust to the news. Even after that, their families would need to have a united front for Merlin going forward in case the horrific outcome was Brandon’s death. None of them had known him very long but if he lost his life, it was going to be send shockwaves through everyone. Even worse, his death would be grieved publicly, something Merlin could struggle with if they had to face this outcome. No one wanted to think about it. “Will that be the first time since the adopted secret was spilled?”
“Yeah. Another son my mother created marrying a man. It’s the little victories,” Jesse joked with a faint smirk. He hadn’t spoken to anyone in his family since he announced his marriage to Jace and he wasn’t sure he ever would again either. He almost got a plane to South Carolina when Merlin discovered he was adopted and the truth came out but he knew if he did that, it would just breed a ferocious anger in him and he didn’t like being angry. Anger taxed him and stress would cause him to have seizures. “Unfortunately, he can’ go public about it. One thing better than my mother knowing the second son she gave birth to is queer too would be her having to see it publicly shoved down her fucking throat and people celebrating his queerness. See, I can be a nasty cunt when I need to,” he added, pointing at himself.
Evan laughed and reached over to ruffle Jesse’s hair. “I think you’ve more than earned your place at the nasty cunt table, bud. I actually think you’ve got a lot of self-control and I respect how strong you’re being with all this. I can only imagine how you’re feeling at the moment. Are you going to be okay seeing Merlin’s folks? I don’t know how you got along with them before when you and Damo were best buds when you were younger. I was talking to Jacey about it when he came and crashed my bed again when you were at work the other day and he said you seemed to have nothing but respect for them but he didn’t know if that changed since the news Merlin was your brother came to light.”
Jesse finished his second cookies and brushed the crumbs off his lap. “They were more parental to me growing up than my own parents. I wonder a lot now if that was because they knew the truth. Not that I think that was why they were kind or anything like that. They were just as kind to Wesley. Their house was constantly full of boys, it’s just how it was for them. But there was a big age gap between Damo and me, and Merlin and Wes. Six years seems like a long time but like I said, Damo and Merlin were always close. Damien loved being a big brother. Loves. He loves being a big brother. There’s no way in hell any of us are going to hold his slip after the adoption news came out against him when he was sick. I just wish I knew at the time, I could’ve helped him. I’ll be okay seeing them. I won’t be airing any dirty laundry or getting into unknown pockets of emotion. They’ll be finding out both their kids are getting married within days of each other. That’s enough for one trip.”
“Whoa! Fuck, hold on. Back the truck up - did you just say what I think you said?” Evan was pretty sure he heard right but there was also the fact Jesse was stressed and tired. He might have gotten his wires crossed. It wasn’t like it was a fax pas or a slip of the tongue, though. “Damien’s getting married too? Please to fuck tell me it’s Liam and something funky didn’t go on up in Cape Cod. You never bloody quite know in the sea air. It gets into your head, makes you all romantic and horny and shit.”
Jesse was smirking but he scratched his forehead when he realised what he just did. Thankfully, Liam and Damien weren’t hiding anything. They just hadn’t had the chance to break the news yet. “Well, if it’s making you romantic and horny and shit, you’ve got a problem. Shit would probably get in the way of some exceptional moonlit beach sex. In saying that, probably an accurate deduction of Merlin right now. He’s got a notorious dangerous gut when he’s stressed. He’d probably give you a run for your money, dude. But yes, Damien and Liam want to get married and they don’t want to wait. I don’t think it’s all that different to you and Christian. But because they were engaged before and so much shit has happened for them, having a wedding isn’t important. They just want to reboot and get back on track. They’re doing it when we’re all up in Cape Cod for the wedding. Provincetown is a pretty big LGBT+ town apparently and it’s going to be Pride up there. And they want me to marry them. Did you know that? Anyone can get a one-off licence to marry someone in Massachusetts? I’m seriously fucking shitting myself. See, look, now I sound like Merlin.”
Evan was shaking his head in surprise but he was smiling because he knew exactly what it was like to want to reboot and just get a relationship on track after it fucked up and fell apart. He and Christian were on the same journey but it had been somewhat cockblocked by Evan’s health, which still wasn’t settled and he was waiting to see if he needed more surgery. Being out of action was driving him up the wall, even if he had been doing a few hours here and there for consultations at work but he missed the hands-on patient care. “I’m so fucking happy for them. Seriously. I can understand not wanting a wedding. It’s different for Merlin and Brandon, they’re doing it to make memories in case Brandon’s time’s running out. If you know you would’ve been married if you hadn’t shit up the first time, it’s different. How long’s Merlin had gut issues when he’s stressed? Sorry, don’t mean to doctor him when he’s not here. Fuck, no, I didn’t know that but that’s damn gorgeous, Jess. Why are you shitting yourself? You’ve been Damo’s best bud forever.”
“Oh, they’ll make memories. A little birdie told me Merlin’s friends are cookie up a big surprise to spring on them. I did try to isolate Merlin and get some of his wedding plans out of him but he’s too distracted. He’s got Brandon who’s doing his best to keep his head above water, Wesley who’s going to hit the red zone of withdrawal soon and still trying to accept that he’s Positive, Noah freaking out a lil’, Damien and Liam springing their marriage on him, and his own whole freak out at Karaoke while we were up there. Fuck, that was horrible. It was like just in that moment, it hit him that Brandon might die.” Jesse got up and got a bottle of OJ from the fridge and he checked on Jace via the monitor before he sat down again. “Merlin’s had nervous guts as long as I’ve known him. He’s had issues with all the stress lately too. I think Montana bought out half the GI aisle at the pharmacy while we were up there when she ran some errands for them. You think it could be IBS or something? I’m shitting myself - pardon the pun considering our subject matter - because it’s such an important thing. It’s sacred and… and it’s the actual marriage! I already told Merlin not to get any ideas in his head. I might die of stress if I have to do two in as many days.”
Evan shook his head, folding his arms loosely over his chest. “Merlin won’t put that on you. I don’t think he’ll put it on anyone directly linked to him or Brandon because it’s going to be way too emotional. Everyone will be excited for them and buzzing in the lead-up to it but the actual ceremony is going to be really hard to get through. I’ll have a chat with Merlin about how he’s holding up when I’m over there for Wes. One of the biggest errors a carer makes is forgetting to look after themselves because they’re so focused on the person they’re caring for. We all know that but this is new to Merlin. If he’s not feeling the best, he’s probably not even letting on about it. How was he after we gave him the hit of weed?” He patted Jesse’s back with a smile. “You’re gonna be great, Jess. You’re close to both Liam and Damien and it’s something they’ll remember forever. You’re right, it is sacred. That’s why they’ve asked you and not some celebrant they don’t know.”
“Oh, shit, he was a pain in the ass. High and no filter isn’t the best mix for a guy who will pretty much talk the legs off a table if you left him to it. He crashed when we got up there and slept it off but now you ask, he said he thought the weed gave him an upset stomach. Could more be the stress of him picking arguments with Brandon because he was hyper. Poor Brandon had the patience of a freaking saint that day. You know, I wasn’t sure how ideal of a match they were at first, they didn’t seem each others type. I thought Brandon was more like his public persona but seeing them together, they’re perfect. Kind of like a Yin and Yang connection. I think without the stress of the cancer and Brandon’s treatment, they’d be the most chill and content couple.” Jesse grabbed the monitor when movement on the screen caught his eye and then stood. “Jace’s trying to get up. I better go see if he’s okay. Will you text me and let me know how Wes gets on? I’m really worried about him.”
“Yeah, of course, buddy. Try not to worry too much. We’ll get him through it, whatever it takes. At least if there are complications and he needs to get to an ER, I’ll be there to make sure he gets there and he’s not screaming at everyone he loves to fuck off and not touch him,” Evan said wryly, standing up too. “I’ll give you a call if Merlin needs some extra support. I know B’s back at chemo, he’s probably not feeling crash hot. Remember to let me know if Jacey doesn’t pick up, I’ll shoot through an order for him to go in for an infusion.”
Jesse knew Evan was talking from personal experience here, which is why he was a perfect choice to help Wes through the hardest parts of this. “Thanks, Ev. Keep an eye on them all for me. It’s new dynamics, I don’t know how it’s going to play out.”
LOG, COMPLETE