Cassidy Mae Cohen (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ifeelthelove) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
dreamlikenewyork2018-09-13 03:02 am
ifeelthelove) wrote in dreamlikenewyork2018-09-13 03:02 am
"Grief is hard to fight without a ray of light."
Who: Cassidy Cohen, Tori Kingston, Sasha Stanford, Jesse and Jace Hartley
What: The grief process
Where: Vermont Lakehouse
When: After this
“Does someone what to tell me what happened now?” Jesse came into the sitting room and placed a bowl of warm water with antiseptic on the coffee table by his medical kit. He dropped some cotton balls into the pungent concoction so they could soak for a little bit. He and Jace had been in bed when Ainsley had come running to get him, saying Tori had gotten into a drunken fight at the neighbours’ cook-out he went to with Cassidy and Sasha.
When Justin hit the sack early, Jesse took the opportunity to take Jace to bed and do what married couples did in their downtime. There hadn’t been a lot of it with Jesse taking on Justin’s nursing care for the duration of this trip away. Normally, he would have abstained, but Justin had been so fatigued he told Jesse he just wanted to go to bed and sleep. He asked Jesse for some of the sedatives he had been prescribed which would help him sleep without nightmares for at least seven to eight hours, so Jesse could unofficially have the night off.
Poor Ainsley interrupted him and Jace making love, Jesse heard the urgency in the pleas to come because Tori was hurt so he quickly threw on some sweatpants and a t-shirt to come through and see what had happened. A blonde girl had driven them all back from neighbours’ place and Sasha had carried Tori in from the car because Tori was too drunk and dizzy to remain on his feet. Jesse found him slumped on the sofa covered in blood and vomit, a bucket between his feet in case he threw up again. Sasha was sitting by him, holding a bloody teatowel to Tori’s nose with one hand and an icepack to the bridge of his nose with the other.
Jesse quickly dismissed everyone surplus to requirement. Jace was sitting on the opposite sofa with his arm around Cassidy, nursing a box of Kleenex in his lap because she was sobbing against his shoulder. Jesse needed to examine Tori to assess what his injuries were so he could determine if he needed medical attention beyond what he could offer, but he had to clean him up to get any leeway there. Even then, it might be a mean feat because Tori was drunk and from the state of his bruised and bloodied face, probably concussed.
“I don’t know the full story, but I think the Rosemont son, Keith, said some awful things to Cas about being trans. Tori just exploded and hit him, a fight broke out. I don’t know how much he’s had to drink but it’s a lot,” Sasha explained, shifting the ice pack from Tori’s face so Jesse could get a better look.
“Cas, do you know how much he had to drink?” Jesse needed to try to extract information where he could, even if Cas was desperately upset and couldn’t stop crying. She was the only one near when the shit hit the fan. Jesse gave a sympathetic sigh and started to clean the blood from Tori’s forehead and temple with the antiseptic. “About how long was he out for? Has he just been sick the once?” His words must have tempted fate because Tori started to be sick again as soon as he said it.
Cassidy wasn’t even sure her waterproof mascara was holding up against how bad she was crying. She couldn’t stop and those horribly familiar bad thoughts were burrowing through her brain. She wished Justin was here but Ainsley said he crashed early. Even if premature, she felt like her heart was breaking. Over inevitably losing Tori and hating herself for letting her guard down against the terrible world of transphobia. All her friends had made her feel so safe. Ajay had made her feel beautiful. Getting the role made her feel like she fitted in, even if she was trans and different. She had forgotten how awful those slurs and phobic hate slung at her felt, but she had blindsided herself with falling in love with Tori and believing she could be in the show. “I-It was about… about four. It could’ve been more,” she sobbed, trying to mop away the tears but they just kept coming. “This is my fault. It wouldn’t have happened if I wasn’t here.”
Sasha whipped the teatowel out of the way and held the bucket up to Tori’s chin. If nothing else, at least he was getting some of the booze out of his system. Sasha had only been drunk twice in his life. After Andi died and he wrote himself off and in Australia in the wake of getting engaged to Justin and the Campbells helped him celebrate. He didn’t remember being drunk but he remembered how horrid he felt hungover and never wanted to do it again. Tori didn’t seem to be a fan of alcohol either. It was so out-of-character for him to write himself off like this. But he had been drinking before the explosion with Keith. Tori was moaning with every retch, struggling to catch his breath. His hand was still hugged against his stomach. It looked like he might have sprained or broken. It was badly swollen and mottled with garish purply-yellow bruising. “Is this from the alcohol or being hit in the head?”
He heard what Cassidy said and with all his experience now caring for Justin, he heard the way she just couched her words. She said ‘here’, not ‘there’. Here in general, not just at the cook-out. He might be wrong, but it was that sort of phrasing Justin used when he was suicidal. If that cunt back at the party had triggered Cassidy back into a relapse herself, Sasha wanted to go over there and lay a few punches into him himself. “Cas, you didn’t make him a transphobic cunt. He’s always been a cunt. He’s one of those asshole jocks who thinks they’re better than everyone. Those fuckers breed bullshit. This isn’t your fault.” Tori stopped throwing up and flopped forward, banging his head on the rim of the bucket. It really wasn’t his night.
Jesse caught Tori’s chin and gently eased him back into an upright position. “Tori. Tori, I need you to stay awake, buddy. Come on, open your eyes for me.” He tapped Tori’s cheek to try and keep him roused. Tori opened his eyes, but he was woozy and struggling to stay conscious. Blood was still trickling from his nose, so Jesse took his hand and viced his thumb and index finger at the bridge of Tori’s nose to try to give him something that might keep him awake.
He kept his voice clear and firm. “Keep pinching your nose for me, Tori. It’ll help stop the blood. I think it’s a mix of both, to be honest. I think he’s had more than four beers but concussion and being drunk can have similar signs and symptoms.” He was still nursing Tori’s chin in his hand and checked his eyes with his penlight. Then he firmly squeezed a junction of Tori’s jaw to see how he reacted to pain stimuli. He didn’t get much of a reaction. Tori’s eyes were still trying to droop shut. “I just want to get him a lil’ more cleaned up but if he doesn’t rouse a lil’ more, I think we need to get him to an ER. How close is the nearest hospital? If he keeps vomiting, he might sober a bit but that could also be a sign of a bad concussion. We can’t let him get too dehydrated.”
Jace brushed Cassidy’s hair back and tucked it behind her ear. “I’m sorry you had to be abused like that, Cas. I think Tori was just trying to take care of you the best he could, but anger never mixes well with alcohol. I know if some phobic cunt was trying to attack Jesse, I’d probably have done the same,” he admitted, looking sympathetically at the bloody, sick, banged-up mess that was Tori. The sad part was, Jace had fallen victim to plenty of abuse himself over the time for being a ‘retard’ and all that horrible shit. He had seen Jesse act not unlike Tori had in the face of it, just less drunk because it was well-documented that if Jesse had any sort of alcohol, it would inevitably trigger an awful series of seizures. Still, the first time Jace ever saw Jesse lose his shit was when someone called Jace a retard to his face. “And I bet it’s just what Sasha would’ve done if it was Justin, or vice versa. It’s hard to avoid when you care about someone. There’s this protective demon inside us that wakes whenever the person we love is threatened.”
Sasha nodded. “Guilty,” he murmured because he would - and had - hulked out like that against people trying to harm Justin. “Jace, could you take over here with Tori for a few minutes? I might take Cas to wash her face…” He was grateful Jesse and Jace were there. Kyan and Reecy were staying nearby too, in case there had been any serious turns with Justin. But other than that horrible nightmare flashback the first time, Justin had mostly been calm and resting. His fatigue was quite bad but Hunter said it wouldn’t be unusual if Justin just felt like sleeping a lot while they were away. Psychological fatigue in a person with a mental illness was normal and Justin was recovering from an invasive surgery as well. Everything had been running smoothly until this happened.
Once they were in the bathroom with the door closed, Sasha pulled Cassidy into a hug. “Cas, I really want you to listen to me, okay? I know you’re panicking about the worst but Tori’s one of the nicest people this world will ever see and he would never lead you on or do anything to hurt you. I know you’re scared and I know you’re blaming yourself, but he was just protecting you. Tell me what happened, okay?” He led her over to the toilet to sit on the closed lid and wet a face cloth so he could gently wipe away the tears from her cheeks. “Talk to me.”
Cassidy didn’t know if she could stop crying. Everything was feeling so overwhelming. “I should be used to this,” she sobbed, trying to wipe her eyes with her fingertips. “I was really starting to feel like a normal girl, you know? That’s my biggest fucking mistake. I never will be. There are always going to be people who never believe I’m a woman. Everything that happened was my fault. He wouldn’t be drunk or hurt like that if it wasn’t for me. He deserves better than me, than this. I should never have gone there. Why does this keep happening? Why do people just hate me for existing?” She put her hands over her face when a renewed bout of crying hit. Even though she knew Sasha wasn’t one of the people she was talking about, she still felt so much shame and just wanted to disappear.
Sasha carefully pried Cassidy’s hands away from her face. “Tori doesn’t hate you for existing. I don’t hate you, Jus doesn’t hate you, none of your friends hate you. We love you for everything you are. Cas, you’re one of the most beautiful people I have ever met and I’ve met some incredible ones. You know how I know that? Because Jus trusted you with his life from literally the first day he met you, at a time he was the lowest he had ever been. Now here, let me get you a drink of water and wipe your face for you. I need you to tell me what happened. Tori’s going to feel like hell once he sobers up a bit. He’ll probably think you’ll hate him too.” He fetched one of the glasses sitting on a shelf near the mirror and filled it for her. He brought it back and perched on the rim of the bath, waiting for her to take it so she could help him. “What did Keith say to you? Or did he do something to you?”
“H-He was horrible but it wasn’t anything I haven’t copped before. It was just so embarrassing having it happen in front of a pile of strangers who seemed to be so important to Tori.” Cassidy’s hands were shaking from the shock of everything happened so quickly. She held the glass between them tightly and sipped some water. “He said my dress was a perfect choice because you couldn’t even notice I had a dick in it and told me my tits looked great for a dude. Then he asked if they felt real and tried to grab me at the same time as asking Tori when he was going to come out as a fag. He was upset before that though, Sash. He has been since we got here. He’s been all distant and almost cold. What if he was just staying with me because he thinks it might affect him keeping the role in the production? What if he’s having second thoughts about dating someone who’s trans and just got pissed off for having attention drawn to it in front of all those people back there? He’s one of your closest friends and you’re engaged to Justin. What if he doesn’t feel he can break up with me?”
Sasha was about to say something but a knock on the bathroom door interrupted him. “Sash? Sorry to interrupt but I really need you guys to give me a hand.” It was Jesse and Sasha knew he wouldn’t be asking for their help unless he really needed it. He gave Cassidy’s knee a soft squeeze and then stood to kiss her cheek. “He doesn’t want to break up with you. Trust me on that, okay?”
When he got back out into the living room, Jesse and Jace were standing back from Tori quite possibly looking more concerned than they initially did. “He told us to fuck off and leave him alone. He said he hates this place...” Jesse explained.
Sasha was pretty sure then what he had been suspecting was true. Tori was still on the sofa sitting hunched over with his face buried in his hands. He still had smears of blood over his fingers and now even through his hair. He went and sat beside him, putting a hand on his back. “I wish she was here too, buddy,” he murmured.
It was all it took. As soon as the words were out of Sasha’s mouth, Tori broke down and collapsed in against Sasha’s side sobbing. Sasha hugged him and held him while he cried. His shirt was going to get smeared with blood too but he didn’t care. He closed his eyes when they flooded with tears because seeing and feeling Tori’s emotions, he couldn’t just be okay with it. He knew what Tori was trying to deal with because he was too. Just in a very different way. Since Andi’s death, Sasha had been doing his best to deal with his grief but there had been points along the way where he had to focus on Justin and help take care of him. That distracted him and it had been since he arrived here at the lakehouse. Not entirely. In fact, how much he was missing Andi and how sad he was about her absence contributed a hell of a lot to his anxiety flaring up.
He had suspected for a little while that Tori hadn’t dealt with his own grief over his little sister’s death, and may even be locked in avoidance over it. It was a tricky subject to navigate because Sasha hadn’t wanted to dictate to Tori how he felt or how he should deal with Andi’s loss. But he had missed her funeral and even though he said it was because he couldn’t leave the production in London at the time due to contracts, it struck Sasha as unusual because Lisa was an investor in that London show. It was how she connected Tori with Caden for the part in Footloose. Had Tori stayed away from the funeral because he hadn’t been able to face it? Had he just been trying to bury his head in the sand and forget everything? Possibly.
Like Cassidy had noticed, Tori withdrew soon after arriving in Vermont. There wasn’t a whole lot going on but Sasha had been feeling Andi’s absence and thinking a lot about her death. He had opened up to Justin about it and cried in the safety of his arms, exactly what he needed to process it. It didn’t make any of it easier. Was what Cas had been interpreting as possible distance from their relationship and feelings for her actually been Tori in denial about his feelings of grief being back here for the first time without Andi? As soon as Tori broke down, sobbing his heart out, Sasha knew his suspicions were true.
Cassidy realised then that another thing that was happening at the cook-out was everyone mentioning Andi to Tori. It hit her as soon as Sasha murmured those words and she saw Tori break down crying in sobs that were breaking her heart. The guests had been offering their condolences and apologies at hearing about Andi’s death, asking him how his parents and family were holding up. She stood there, quickly trying to replay it all in her mind. That was why Tori was drinking. He grabbed the first beer and downed half of it in one go when the first person asked him how he was doing after her death. The thing with that horrible cunt was just the straw that broke the camel’s back and tipped him over the edge. She wished she realised this was what was going on but she didn’t know Tori had been avoiding the subject of Andi’s death.
She went over and sat on his other side, trying to get her arms around both Tori and Sasha, who was crying too by now. Of course he was. Justin had mentioned that Sasha wasn’t coping being here for the first time without Andi. He was doing the best he could but it was tough and taking its toll. Sasha had never been someone to try to hide his emotions or feelings, though. He wore his heart on his sleeve and felt the grief and sadness when it hit him. Just like he did when Justin was sick and things were slipping out of control. For a little while, she just sat with Tori and Sasha while they cried. Fuck knew, they needed it.
Soon, Cassidy wiped her eyes and scrambled to regain her composure, even if it was in tatters. “Should he be in bed? Maybe some sleep might help. We can get him cleaned up and I can stay with him in case he gets worse. Or just… needs someone there.”
Jesse sat down on the coffee table and patted Cassidy’s hand. Bedside manner wasn’t ever only isolated to patients. “I think we need to get him checked at an ER, Cas. The colour of his arm, I think his wrist is broken and I’m pretty sure he’s got a concussion. It’s just precaution, okay? I gave my word to watch out for you all while I was here nursing Justin, so it’s my responsibility to get him seen by a doctor if there’s a chance he’s got a head injury. And if he’s had as much alcohol as I suspect, he’ll need some IV fluids before he feels better anyway. I can’t drive at night, though, so I’ll have to call Kyan and Reecy to give us a hand.”
“I can drive. We can take Tori’s car. I wasn’t drinking at the barbecue. I hate alcohol.” Sasha stood up without hesitation. “But if Kyan and Reecy can come over until we get back, in case Jus wakes up and needs any help. I don’t want to leave without precautions because he’s medicated. The nearest place with an ER is about half an hour drive away.”
It was a hell of a night by the time all was said and done. It was the early hours of the morning before they got back to the lakehouse. Tori was diagnosed with a moderate concussion, a broken wrist, and a fractured rib. On top of being drunk and dehydrated, that was. He was treated with fluids, painkillers, and something for the nausea, and discharged with a cast and advice to get plenty of rest over the next few days. On the drive home, Tori crashed out before they even got out of the hospital parking lot and Jesse remarked that he was going to feel the worst of it all come morning.
Other than that, it was a silent trip. Cassidy sat in the back with Tori’s head in her lap and Sasha was tangled up in his own thoughts, mostly thinking about Andi and hoping Justin had been okay while he was at the hospital. But Reecy promised to call him ASAP if Justin so much as rolled over the wrong way and Sasha trusted her. She had become like a big sister to him as much as she was to Justin. There weren’t a lot of hands Sasha entrusted Justin’s care with, but Reecy and Kyan were definitely at the top of the list. The evening left him wiped out, though, and after he helped get Tori to bed where he promptly crashed out again, Sasha headed for the door, dragging his fingers through his hair. “I’m going to hit the hay. I’m totalled.”
“Sash, wait,” Cassidy stopped him where she was coming back from the bathroom with a towel. “Have you got any tips? On how I should take care of him?” She didn’t mean physically. She was pretty sure she understood all the doctor’s orders and Jesse’s help on how Tori would be in the coming days. It was deeper than that and she knew Sasha would understand what she meant. She caught her lip between her teeth, standing there helplessly. She moved to the bed and laid the towel out on the bed beside Tori, tucking it under his cheek in case he woke up sick and too disoriented to grab the bowl beside the bed. Jesse said to make sure Tori stayed on his side so he didn’t choke but also to keep the weight off the broken rib. Still, she was probably going to stay up all night watching that he was okay anyway and that was definitely something she knew Sash was well-versed in.
Sasha moved back to the bed and sat on the edge, feeling his tired muscles protest with some generalised achiness. He patted the bed beside him, inviting Cas to sit with him. “All you can really do is listen when he needs to talk, and let him listen to you. I just don’t know how much he’ll be up to over the next few days. With Jus, he tends to open up when he’s the most down. If he’s tipped too far in the other direction, he can’t isolate the mess in his head into rational words. But Tori’s always been an ostrich, I guess. He deals better burying his head in the sand and distracting himself. I’m not saying he won’t want to talk to you. I really think he will. I just don’t think he realised how much he was still raw and hurting on the inside. I know it’s been awhile since she died, but those who were close to her, it still feels like hardly any time. I don’t know if that’s ever even going to get better. I think he’s probably bottled everything up and then when he had those drinks, and that cunt was abusive to you, it all just rushed to the forefront. Having said that, I’m pretty sure he still would’ve lost his shit if he had been sober, he just might not have ended up concussed with broken bones because of it.” He nodded at the unconscious Tori. “And pro-tip, lie behind him when you stay awake all night to make sure he’s still breathing. That way, if he throws up without warning, it won’t be all over you.”
Cassidy looked at Tori and then at Sash when he managed to draw a laugh from her with that comment. “See? I knew you would at least have one decent tip for me. I would never have thought about that. I’d be all up in his face, trying to check his pulse every two seconds.” She affectionately brushed Tori’s hair back from his face and made sure the sheet was too tight around him to restrict him if he woke up and needed to move. She knew Sasha was right. She might not have realised it at first because Tori had never actively avoided the subject of Andi. But he never instigated it either, not like Sash did. Cassidy had mistaken that as possibly not being any of her business if he didn’t want to talk about his sister to her because the death was painful. Her own insecurities about her self-worth had gotten in the way. “Can you tell me about Andi? No… no, you’re exhausted. You’ve already helped so much. You should go crash with Jus. He’ll be waiting for you.”
Sasha smirked, shrugging. “Hey, I’m no medical messiah. I had to learn that tip the hard way. Jus cared for me sick before I cared for him.” He tucked his hands onto the pockets of Justin’s Footloose hoodie that he was wearing. He didn’t even realise he had grabbed it by mistake when he changed to go to the hospital. He was probably one of the only non-cast members who go to wear one by default. It was comforting and smelled like Justin’s favourite cologne. “I was such a mess after Andi died. I didn’t really know any of you that well at the time. But he was amazing. I got drunk, just like this. Actually, no. Way worse than this. Apparently, I said awful things to my parents too but I don’t remember it. Justin stayed with me through it, took care of me when I was epically hungover and because I was out in the pouring rain drunk, I came down with the flu. Then after the funeral, I well and truly hit the wall and had one of the worst migraines ever. It was a trifecta of shit. Here was this celebrity superstar and he was rubbing my back while I threw up and staying up all night with me while I cried myself into exhaustion. That’s the thing about taking care of the person you love. It doesn’t matter how hard it is, it doesn’t stop you wanting to take away their pain. Justin’s medicated, he’ll be out until morning. What do you want to know about her? If it helps, she would’ve loved you. Whether you were trans or not.”
Cassidy smiled and tucked her arm around Sasha’s waist, giving him a cuddle. She thought it was cute when he and Justin shared clothes, especially this hoodie. If anyone got their hands on it and sold it on eBay, it would makes a fortune because it was specially made for Justin. This was one of the many ways she knew he and Justin were intimate together, when sex wasn’t always the option. “I can tell just by the grief she left behind how incredible she was. I remember being there the night you got the call she had died. I don’t think any of us back then had the appreciation yet of how much of a loss it was for you and why. I’m glad you let us all help you through it, even if we were just supplementary to Justin. You know, I didn’t even consider that Tori hadn’t dealt with it. I feel awful for it. I felt like he had issues with me and was just too polite or kind to tell me because I was oversensitive. Did I fail not realising he was an ostrich? I can take care of his concussion, his broken bones, his throwing up. That’s the easy part, you know? I’ve… no one I’ve loved has ever died. The closest I ever got was… was Justin.”
“You know one of the first lessons I learned with Justin, and one of the hardest? We can’t read people’s minds, no matter how much they need help. Jus tells me he never would want me to anyway. Even if you could’ve, Cas, it wouldn’t have eased the grief. It’s still there, under the surface. It’s something that keeps coming back in cycles and feels just as fresh as when it first happened. I don’t think it’s only grief Tori’s dealing with. I think it’s guilt too. I think at the time, he probably couldn’t face Andi’s funeral but as soon as he missed it, he would’ve regretted it. I know he would’ve. Plus, he didn’t get to say goodbye. Like all of us, he probably thought there was more time. There was no time for him to process it before he made the decision to stay in London when he couldn’t handle it. That was the thing with Ands. She had so long knowing, and might’ve even chose when to go, that she had her funeral all sorted. She figured she’d never get a wedding.” Sasha lowered his eyes when he choked up. He took a few moments to regain his composure and then gave Cassidy a faint smile. He took a deep breath because even if he didn’t mind talking about this stuff, it was still hard. “Then you know how it feels, because Andi’s death and Justin’s suicide attempts have been the exact same level of pain for me. Life can be so fucking cruel. That’s why I don’t want you blaming yourself for any of this, especially not realising what was going on. That’s not how grief works. It’s just crap. There’s no sense in it.”
Cassidy looked over her shoulder at Tori’s sleeping face. It was mottled with blue-black bruising now, black eye, grazed cheek from the pavement. It somehow looked more garish with the blood cleaned up. “I can’t even imagine the turmoil he went through trying to make that decision, and that far away from home, away from his family. I remember how you were at the funeral when we all came along. When you couldn’t sing, you couldn’t talk. You looked like you could barely hold yourself upright because Jus was with you most of the time with his arm around your waist. A funeral’s so much about death, even if Andi did all she could to negate that. It was a beautiful service and a beautiful tribute, but there’s no way to avoid death at a funeral. He seemed to want the memorial for her we have planned on the pier. Do you think he really does or he’s just saying it because he thinks he does? Maybe we shouldn’t. Sash, do you really think he can open up to me? I don’t want him to feel like I’m prying or stirring up emotions he’s not ready to face. You and Justin have this easy chemistry. You just care so deeply for each other and know what each other needs. I don’t know if I have that knack. I feel like I missed the mark with Merlin too. He was dealing with so much and didn’t know how to open up to me. What if I’m just damaged like that? I don’t want to make anything worse for him.”
“I could barely hold myself upright at the funeral. I hardly remember any of it. I wouldn’t have gotten through it without him. I had an horrific migraine at the wake. I got so sick and he took me home to put me to bed. See, that’s the whole point, Cas. It doesn’t matter if he can open up. He doesn’t have to to need you. If he’s not ready, just remind him he doesn’t have to, that it’s not a clause he has to address to be with you. He has feelings for you, Cas. Real, deep feelings. He isn’t the sort of guy to string you along. He was attracted to you from that first day and he was so excited you could come along. He’s going to be so embarrassed by this and when he wakes up feeling sick and hungover, probably thinking you won’t want a bar of him after seeing him in such a state. See, I know that bit. That’s exactly what I thought with Justin and he proved me wrong time and time again. He sat me down one day and asked me if I thought he was gross and disgusting when he was sick. Of course, I got all indignant about it because there was absolutely no way I thought he was anything of the sort. And he just gave me this look and that cheeky smirk of his. He didn’t even have to say anything and he proved his point.” Sasha wrapped his hands around Cassidy’s and then brought it up to kiss her fingers. “Trust your heart, Cas. Your head’s always going to get in the way and try to fuck you over. Take care of him, talk to him, just… be with him, okay? A lot of stuff will just work itself out if you do. Take each minute as it comes. That’s the only secret Jus and I have to any of this. I need to go crash because I’m getting a headache and I want to be there when Jus wakes up. You should get some rest, even if it’s just lying down. Shoot me a text if you need anything, okay?”
Cassidy smiled and her breath left her in a relieved rush. She wrapped Sasha in a hug and rubbed his back.”Thank you for being one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever met. And thank you for listening and helping. I just didn’t ever want you to think I wasn’t worthy of him. I know he’s special to you, just like Andi and the rest of her family are. I have feelings for him too and it means the world that you trust me with this.”
Sasha stood and leaned over to kiss her cheek. “Remember, ply him with fluids and don’t squeeze too tight when you hug him while his ribs are sore. I’d wish you luck, but you don’t need it. You’ve got this, love. Promise.” He gave her a little wave over his shoulder when he left the room, not doubting his word for a minute.
LOG, COMPLETE
What: The grief process
Where: Vermont Lakehouse
When: After this
“Does someone what to tell me what happened now?” Jesse came into the sitting room and placed a bowl of warm water with antiseptic on the coffee table by his medical kit. He dropped some cotton balls into the pungent concoction so they could soak for a little bit. He and Jace had been in bed when Ainsley had come running to get him, saying Tori had gotten into a drunken fight at the neighbours’ cook-out he went to with Cassidy and Sasha.
When Justin hit the sack early, Jesse took the opportunity to take Jace to bed and do what married couples did in their downtime. There hadn’t been a lot of it with Jesse taking on Justin’s nursing care for the duration of this trip away. Normally, he would have abstained, but Justin had been so fatigued he told Jesse he just wanted to go to bed and sleep. He asked Jesse for some of the sedatives he had been prescribed which would help him sleep without nightmares for at least seven to eight hours, so Jesse could unofficially have the night off.
Poor Ainsley interrupted him and Jace making love, Jesse heard the urgency in the pleas to come because Tori was hurt so he quickly threw on some sweatpants and a t-shirt to come through and see what had happened. A blonde girl had driven them all back from neighbours’ place and Sasha had carried Tori in from the car because Tori was too drunk and dizzy to remain on his feet. Jesse found him slumped on the sofa covered in blood and vomit, a bucket between his feet in case he threw up again. Sasha was sitting by him, holding a bloody teatowel to Tori’s nose with one hand and an icepack to the bridge of his nose with the other.
Jesse quickly dismissed everyone surplus to requirement. Jace was sitting on the opposite sofa with his arm around Cassidy, nursing a box of Kleenex in his lap because she was sobbing against his shoulder. Jesse needed to examine Tori to assess what his injuries were so he could determine if he needed medical attention beyond what he could offer, but he had to clean him up to get any leeway there. Even then, it might be a mean feat because Tori was drunk and from the state of his bruised and bloodied face, probably concussed.
“I don’t know the full story, but I think the Rosemont son, Keith, said some awful things to Cas about being trans. Tori just exploded and hit him, a fight broke out. I don’t know how much he’s had to drink but it’s a lot,” Sasha explained, shifting the ice pack from Tori’s face so Jesse could get a better look.
“Cas, do you know how much he had to drink?” Jesse needed to try to extract information where he could, even if Cas was desperately upset and couldn’t stop crying. She was the only one near when the shit hit the fan. Jesse gave a sympathetic sigh and started to clean the blood from Tori’s forehead and temple with the antiseptic. “About how long was he out for? Has he just been sick the once?” His words must have tempted fate because Tori started to be sick again as soon as he said it.
Cassidy wasn’t even sure her waterproof mascara was holding up against how bad she was crying. She couldn’t stop and those horribly familiar bad thoughts were burrowing through her brain. She wished Justin was here but Ainsley said he crashed early. Even if premature, she felt like her heart was breaking. Over inevitably losing Tori and hating herself for letting her guard down against the terrible world of transphobia. All her friends had made her feel so safe. Ajay had made her feel beautiful. Getting the role made her feel like she fitted in, even if she was trans and different. She had forgotten how awful those slurs and phobic hate slung at her felt, but she had blindsided herself with falling in love with Tori and believing she could be in the show. “I-It was about… about four. It could’ve been more,” she sobbed, trying to mop away the tears but they just kept coming. “This is my fault. It wouldn’t have happened if I wasn’t here.”
Sasha whipped the teatowel out of the way and held the bucket up to Tori’s chin. If nothing else, at least he was getting some of the booze out of his system. Sasha had only been drunk twice in his life. After Andi died and he wrote himself off and in Australia in the wake of getting engaged to Justin and the Campbells helped him celebrate. He didn’t remember being drunk but he remembered how horrid he felt hungover and never wanted to do it again. Tori didn’t seem to be a fan of alcohol either. It was so out-of-character for him to write himself off like this. But he had been drinking before the explosion with Keith. Tori was moaning with every retch, struggling to catch his breath. His hand was still hugged against his stomach. It looked like he might have sprained or broken. It was badly swollen and mottled with garish purply-yellow bruising. “Is this from the alcohol or being hit in the head?”
He heard what Cassidy said and with all his experience now caring for Justin, he heard the way she just couched her words. She said ‘here’, not ‘there’. Here in general, not just at the cook-out. He might be wrong, but it was that sort of phrasing Justin used when he was suicidal. If that cunt back at the party had triggered Cassidy back into a relapse herself, Sasha wanted to go over there and lay a few punches into him himself. “Cas, you didn’t make him a transphobic cunt. He’s always been a cunt. He’s one of those asshole jocks who thinks they’re better than everyone. Those fuckers breed bullshit. This isn’t your fault.” Tori stopped throwing up and flopped forward, banging his head on the rim of the bucket. It really wasn’t his night.
Jesse caught Tori’s chin and gently eased him back into an upright position. “Tori. Tori, I need you to stay awake, buddy. Come on, open your eyes for me.” He tapped Tori’s cheek to try and keep him roused. Tori opened his eyes, but he was woozy and struggling to stay conscious. Blood was still trickling from his nose, so Jesse took his hand and viced his thumb and index finger at the bridge of Tori’s nose to try to give him something that might keep him awake.
He kept his voice clear and firm. “Keep pinching your nose for me, Tori. It’ll help stop the blood. I think it’s a mix of both, to be honest. I think he’s had more than four beers but concussion and being drunk can have similar signs and symptoms.” He was still nursing Tori’s chin in his hand and checked his eyes with his penlight. Then he firmly squeezed a junction of Tori’s jaw to see how he reacted to pain stimuli. He didn’t get much of a reaction. Tori’s eyes were still trying to droop shut. “I just want to get him a lil’ more cleaned up but if he doesn’t rouse a lil’ more, I think we need to get him to an ER. How close is the nearest hospital? If he keeps vomiting, he might sober a bit but that could also be a sign of a bad concussion. We can’t let him get too dehydrated.”
Jace brushed Cassidy’s hair back and tucked it behind her ear. “I’m sorry you had to be abused like that, Cas. I think Tori was just trying to take care of you the best he could, but anger never mixes well with alcohol. I know if some phobic cunt was trying to attack Jesse, I’d probably have done the same,” he admitted, looking sympathetically at the bloody, sick, banged-up mess that was Tori. The sad part was, Jace had fallen victim to plenty of abuse himself over the time for being a ‘retard’ and all that horrible shit. He had seen Jesse act not unlike Tori had in the face of it, just less drunk because it was well-documented that if Jesse had any sort of alcohol, it would inevitably trigger an awful series of seizures. Still, the first time Jace ever saw Jesse lose his shit was when someone called Jace a retard to his face. “And I bet it’s just what Sasha would’ve done if it was Justin, or vice versa. It’s hard to avoid when you care about someone. There’s this protective demon inside us that wakes whenever the person we love is threatened.”
Sasha nodded. “Guilty,” he murmured because he would - and had - hulked out like that against people trying to harm Justin. “Jace, could you take over here with Tori for a few minutes? I might take Cas to wash her face…” He was grateful Jesse and Jace were there. Kyan and Reecy were staying nearby too, in case there had been any serious turns with Justin. But other than that horrible nightmare flashback the first time, Justin had mostly been calm and resting. His fatigue was quite bad but Hunter said it wouldn’t be unusual if Justin just felt like sleeping a lot while they were away. Psychological fatigue in a person with a mental illness was normal and Justin was recovering from an invasive surgery as well. Everything had been running smoothly until this happened.
Once they were in the bathroom with the door closed, Sasha pulled Cassidy into a hug. “Cas, I really want you to listen to me, okay? I know you’re panicking about the worst but Tori’s one of the nicest people this world will ever see and he would never lead you on or do anything to hurt you. I know you’re scared and I know you’re blaming yourself, but he was just protecting you. Tell me what happened, okay?” He led her over to the toilet to sit on the closed lid and wet a face cloth so he could gently wipe away the tears from her cheeks. “Talk to me.”
Cassidy didn’t know if she could stop crying. Everything was feeling so overwhelming. “I should be used to this,” she sobbed, trying to wipe her eyes with her fingertips. “I was really starting to feel like a normal girl, you know? That’s my biggest fucking mistake. I never will be. There are always going to be people who never believe I’m a woman. Everything that happened was my fault. He wouldn’t be drunk or hurt like that if it wasn’t for me. He deserves better than me, than this. I should never have gone there. Why does this keep happening? Why do people just hate me for existing?” She put her hands over her face when a renewed bout of crying hit. Even though she knew Sasha wasn’t one of the people she was talking about, she still felt so much shame and just wanted to disappear.
Sasha carefully pried Cassidy’s hands away from her face. “Tori doesn’t hate you for existing. I don’t hate you, Jus doesn’t hate you, none of your friends hate you. We love you for everything you are. Cas, you’re one of the most beautiful people I have ever met and I’ve met some incredible ones. You know how I know that? Because Jus trusted you with his life from literally the first day he met you, at a time he was the lowest he had ever been. Now here, let me get you a drink of water and wipe your face for you. I need you to tell me what happened. Tori’s going to feel like hell once he sobers up a bit. He’ll probably think you’ll hate him too.” He fetched one of the glasses sitting on a shelf near the mirror and filled it for her. He brought it back and perched on the rim of the bath, waiting for her to take it so she could help him. “What did Keith say to you? Or did he do something to you?”
“H-He was horrible but it wasn’t anything I haven’t copped before. It was just so embarrassing having it happen in front of a pile of strangers who seemed to be so important to Tori.” Cassidy’s hands were shaking from the shock of everything happened so quickly. She held the glass between them tightly and sipped some water. “He said my dress was a perfect choice because you couldn’t even notice I had a dick in it and told me my tits looked great for a dude. Then he asked if they felt real and tried to grab me at the same time as asking Tori when he was going to come out as a fag. He was upset before that though, Sash. He has been since we got here. He’s been all distant and almost cold. What if he was just staying with me because he thinks it might affect him keeping the role in the production? What if he’s having second thoughts about dating someone who’s trans and just got pissed off for having attention drawn to it in front of all those people back there? He’s one of your closest friends and you’re engaged to Justin. What if he doesn’t feel he can break up with me?”
Sasha was about to say something but a knock on the bathroom door interrupted him. “Sash? Sorry to interrupt but I really need you guys to give me a hand.” It was Jesse and Sasha knew he wouldn’t be asking for their help unless he really needed it. He gave Cassidy’s knee a soft squeeze and then stood to kiss her cheek. “He doesn’t want to break up with you. Trust me on that, okay?”
When he got back out into the living room, Jesse and Jace were standing back from Tori quite possibly looking more concerned than they initially did. “He told us to fuck off and leave him alone. He said he hates this place...” Jesse explained.
Sasha was pretty sure then what he had been suspecting was true. Tori was still on the sofa sitting hunched over with his face buried in his hands. He still had smears of blood over his fingers and now even through his hair. He went and sat beside him, putting a hand on his back. “I wish she was here too, buddy,” he murmured.
It was all it took. As soon as the words were out of Sasha’s mouth, Tori broke down and collapsed in against Sasha’s side sobbing. Sasha hugged him and held him while he cried. His shirt was going to get smeared with blood too but he didn’t care. He closed his eyes when they flooded with tears because seeing and feeling Tori’s emotions, he couldn’t just be okay with it. He knew what Tori was trying to deal with because he was too. Just in a very different way. Since Andi’s death, Sasha had been doing his best to deal with his grief but there had been points along the way where he had to focus on Justin and help take care of him. That distracted him and it had been since he arrived here at the lakehouse. Not entirely. In fact, how much he was missing Andi and how sad he was about her absence contributed a hell of a lot to his anxiety flaring up.
He had suspected for a little while that Tori hadn’t dealt with his own grief over his little sister’s death, and may even be locked in avoidance over it. It was a tricky subject to navigate because Sasha hadn’t wanted to dictate to Tori how he felt or how he should deal with Andi’s loss. But he had missed her funeral and even though he said it was because he couldn’t leave the production in London at the time due to contracts, it struck Sasha as unusual because Lisa was an investor in that London show. It was how she connected Tori with Caden for the part in Footloose. Had Tori stayed away from the funeral because he hadn’t been able to face it? Had he just been trying to bury his head in the sand and forget everything? Possibly.
Like Cassidy had noticed, Tori withdrew soon after arriving in Vermont. There wasn’t a whole lot going on but Sasha had been feeling Andi’s absence and thinking a lot about her death. He had opened up to Justin about it and cried in the safety of his arms, exactly what he needed to process it. It didn’t make any of it easier. Was what Cas had been interpreting as possible distance from their relationship and feelings for her actually been Tori in denial about his feelings of grief being back here for the first time without Andi? As soon as Tori broke down, sobbing his heart out, Sasha knew his suspicions were true.
Cassidy realised then that another thing that was happening at the cook-out was everyone mentioning Andi to Tori. It hit her as soon as Sasha murmured those words and she saw Tori break down crying in sobs that were breaking her heart. The guests had been offering their condolences and apologies at hearing about Andi’s death, asking him how his parents and family were holding up. She stood there, quickly trying to replay it all in her mind. That was why Tori was drinking. He grabbed the first beer and downed half of it in one go when the first person asked him how he was doing after her death. The thing with that horrible cunt was just the straw that broke the camel’s back and tipped him over the edge. She wished she realised this was what was going on but she didn’t know Tori had been avoiding the subject of Andi’s death.
She went over and sat on his other side, trying to get her arms around both Tori and Sasha, who was crying too by now. Of course he was. Justin had mentioned that Sasha wasn’t coping being here for the first time without Andi. He was doing the best he could but it was tough and taking its toll. Sasha had never been someone to try to hide his emotions or feelings, though. He wore his heart on his sleeve and felt the grief and sadness when it hit him. Just like he did when Justin was sick and things were slipping out of control. For a little while, she just sat with Tori and Sasha while they cried. Fuck knew, they needed it.
Soon, Cassidy wiped her eyes and scrambled to regain her composure, even if it was in tatters. “Should he be in bed? Maybe some sleep might help. We can get him cleaned up and I can stay with him in case he gets worse. Or just… needs someone there.”
Jesse sat down on the coffee table and patted Cassidy’s hand. Bedside manner wasn’t ever only isolated to patients. “I think we need to get him checked at an ER, Cas. The colour of his arm, I think his wrist is broken and I’m pretty sure he’s got a concussion. It’s just precaution, okay? I gave my word to watch out for you all while I was here nursing Justin, so it’s my responsibility to get him seen by a doctor if there’s a chance he’s got a head injury. And if he’s had as much alcohol as I suspect, he’ll need some IV fluids before he feels better anyway. I can’t drive at night, though, so I’ll have to call Kyan and Reecy to give us a hand.”
“I can drive. We can take Tori’s car. I wasn’t drinking at the barbecue. I hate alcohol.” Sasha stood up without hesitation. “But if Kyan and Reecy can come over until we get back, in case Jus wakes up and needs any help. I don’t want to leave without precautions because he’s medicated. The nearest place with an ER is about half an hour drive away.”
It was a hell of a night by the time all was said and done. It was the early hours of the morning before they got back to the lakehouse. Tori was diagnosed with a moderate concussion, a broken wrist, and a fractured rib. On top of being drunk and dehydrated, that was. He was treated with fluids, painkillers, and something for the nausea, and discharged with a cast and advice to get plenty of rest over the next few days. On the drive home, Tori crashed out before they even got out of the hospital parking lot and Jesse remarked that he was going to feel the worst of it all come morning.
Other than that, it was a silent trip. Cassidy sat in the back with Tori’s head in her lap and Sasha was tangled up in his own thoughts, mostly thinking about Andi and hoping Justin had been okay while he was at the hospital. But Reecy promised to call him ASAP if Justin so much as rolled over the wrong way and Sasha trusted her. She had become like a big sister to him as much as she was to Justin. There weren’t a lot of hands Sasha entrusted Justin’s care with, but Reecy and Kyan were definitely at the top of the list. The evening left him wiped out, though, and after he helped get Tori to bed where he promptly crashed out again, Sasha headed for the door, dragging his fingers through his hair. “I’m going to hit the hay. I’m totalled.”
“Sash, wait,” Cassidy stopped him where she was coming back from the bathroom with a towel. “Have you got any tips? On how I should take care of him?” She didn’t mean physically. She was pretty sure she understood all the doctor’s orders and Jesse’s help on how Tori would be in the coming days. It was deeper than that and she knew Sasha would understand what she meant. She caught her lip between her teeth, standing there helplessly. She moved to the bed and laid the towel out on the bed beside Tori, tucking it under his cheek in case he woke up sick and too disoriented to grab the bowl beside the bed. Jesse said to make sure Tori stayed on his side so he didn’t choke but also to keep the weight off the broken rib. Still, she was probably going to stay up all night watching that he was okay anyway and that was definitely something she knew Sash was well-versed in.
Sasha moved back to the bed and sat on the edge, feeling his tired muscles protest with some generalised achiness. He patted the bed beside him, inviting Cas to sit with him. “All you can really do is listen when he needs to talk, and let him listen to you. I just don’t know how much he’ll be up to over the next few days. With Jus, he tends to open up when he’s the most down. If he’s tipped too far in the other direction, he can’t isolate the mess in his head into rational words. But Tori’s always been an ostrich, I guess. He deals better burying his head in the sand and distracting himself. I’m not saying he won’t want to talk to you. I really think he will. I just don’t think he realised how much he was still raw and hurting on the inside. I know it’s been awhile since she died, but those who were close to her, it still feels like hardly any time. I don’t know if that’s ever even going to get better. I think he’s probably bottled everything up and then when he had those drinks, and that cunt was abusive to you, it all just rushed to the forefront. Having said that, I’m pretty sure he still would’ve lost his shit if he had been sober, he just might not have ended up concussed with broken bones because of it.” He nodded at the unconscious Tori. “And pro-tip, lie behind him when you stay awake all night to make sure he’s still breathing. That way, if he throws up without warning, it won’t be all over you.”
Cassidy looked at Tori and then at Sash when he managed to draw a laugh from her with that comment. “See? I knew you would at least have one decent tip for me. I would never have thought about that. I’d be all up in his face, trying to check his pulse every two seconds.” She affectionately brushed Tori’s hair back from his face and made sure the sheet was too tight around him to restrict him if he woke up and needed to move. She knew Sasha was right. She might not have realised it at first because Tori had never actively avoided the subject of Andi. But he never instigated it either, not like Sash did. Cassidy had mistaken that as possibly not being any of her business if he didn’t want to talk about his sister to her because the death was painful. Her own insecurities about her self-worth had gotten in the way. “Can you tell me about Andi? No… no, you’re exhausted. You’ve already helped so much. You should go crash with Jus. He’ll be waiting for you.”
Sasha smirked, shrugging. “Hey, I’m no medical messiah. I had to learn that tip the hard way. Jus cared for me sick before I cared for him.” He tucked his hands onto the pockets of Justin’s Footloose hoodie that he was wearing. He didn’t even realise he had grabbed it by mistake when he changed to go to the hospital. He was probably one of the only non-cast members who go to wear one by default. It was comforting and smelled like Justin’s favourite cologne. “I was such a mess after Andi died. I didn’t really know any of you that well at the time. But he was amazing. I got drunk, just like this. Actually, no. Way worse than this. Apparently, I said awful things to my parents too but I don’t remember it. Justin stayed with me through it, took care of me when I was epically hungover and because I was out in the pouring rain drunk, I came down with the flu. Then after the funeral, I well and truly hit the wall and had one of the worst migraines ever. It was a trifecta of shit. Here was this celebrity superstar and he was rubbing my back while I threw up and staying up all night with me while I cried myself into exhaustion. That’s the thing about taking care of the person you love. It doesn’t matter how hard it is, it doesn’t stop you wanting to take away their pain. Justin’s medicated, he’ll be out until morning. What do you want to know about her? If it helps, she would’ve loved you. Whether you were trans or not.”
Cassidy smiled and tucked her arm around Sasha’s waist, giving him a cuddle. She thought it was cute when he and Justin shared clothes, especially this hoodie. If anyone got their hands on it and sold it on eBay, it would makes a fortune because it was specially made for Justin. This was one of the many ways she knew he and Justin were intimate together, when sex wasn’t always the option. “I can tell just by the grief she left behind how incredible she was. I remember being there the night you got the call she had died. I don’t think any of us back then had the appreciation yet of how much of a loss it was for you and why. I’m glad you let us all help you through it, even if we were just supplementary to Justin. You know, I didn’t even consider that Tori hadn’t dealt with it. I feel awful for it. I felt like he had issues with me and was just too polite or kind to tell me because I was oversensitive. Did I fail not realising he was an ostrich? I can take care of his concussion, his broken bones, his throwing up. That’s the easy part, you know? I’ve… no one I’ve loved has ever died. The closest I ever got was… was Justin.”
“You know one of the first lessons I learned with Justin, and one of the hardest? We can’t read people’s minds, no matter how much they need help. Jus tells me he never would want me to anyway. Even if you could’ve, Cas, it wouldn’t have eased the grief. It’s still there, under the surface. It’s something that keeps coming back in cycles and feels just as fresh as when it first happened. I don’t think it’s only grief Tori’s dealing with. I think it’s guilt too. I think at the time, he probably couldn’t face Andi’s funeral but as soon as he missed it, he would’ve regretted it. I know he would’ve. Plus, he didn’t get to say goodbye. Like all of us, he probably thought there was more time. There was no time for him to process it before he made the decision to stay in London when he couldn’t handle it. That was the thing with Ands. She had so long knowing, and might’ve even chose when to go, that she had her funeral all sorted. She figured she’d never get a wedding.” Sasha lowered his eyes when he choked up. He took a few moments to regain his composure and then gave Cassidy a faint smile. He took a deep breath because even if he didn’t mind talking about this stuff, it was still hard. “Then you know how it feels, because Andi’s death and Justin’s suicide attempts have been the exact same level of pain for me. Life can be so fucking cruel. That’s why I don’t want you blaming yourself for any of this, especially not realising what was going on. That’s not how grief works. It’s just crap. There’s no sense in it.”
Cassidy looked over her shoulder at Tori’s sleeping face. It was mottled with blue-black bruising now, black eye, grazed cheek from the pavement. It somehow looked more garish with the blood cleaned up. “I can’t even imagine the turmoil he went through trying to make that decision, and that far away from home, away from his family. I remember how you were at the funeral when we all came along. When you couldn’t sing, you couldn’t talk. You looked like you could barely hold yourself upright because Jus was with you most of the time with his arm around your waist. A funeral’s so much about death, even if Andi did all she could to negate that. It was a beautiful service and a beautiful tribute, but there’s no way to avoid death at a funeral. He seemed to want the memorial for her we have planned on the pier. Do you think he really does or he’s just saying it because he thinks he does? Maybe we shouldn’t. Sash, do you really think he can open up to me? I don’t want him to feel like I’m prying or stirring up emotions he’s not ready to face. You and Justin have this easy chemistry. You just care so deeply for each other and know what each other needs. I don’t know if I have that knack. I feel like I missed the mark with Merlin too. He was dealing with so much and didn’t know how to open up to me. What if I’m just damaged like that? I don’t want to make anything worse for him.”
“I could barely hold myself upright at the funeral. I hardly remember any of it. I wouldn’t have gotten through it without him. I had an horrific migraine at the wake. I got so sick and he took me home to put me to bed. See, that’s the whole point, Cas. It doesn’t matter if he can open up. He doesn’t have to to need you. If he’s not ready, just remind him he doesn’t have to, that it’s not a clause he has to address to be with you. He has feelings for you, Cas. Real, deep feelings. He isn’t the sort of guy to string you along. He was attracted to you from that first day and he was so excited you could come along. He’s going to be so embarrassed by this and when he wakes up feeling sick and hungover, probably thinking you won’t want a bar of him after seeing him in such a state. See, I know that bit. That’s exactly what I thought with Justin and he proved me wrong time and time again. He sat me down one day and asked me if I thought he was gross and disgusting when he was sick. Of course, I got all indignant about it because there was absolutely no way I thought he was anything of the sort. And he just gave me this look and that cheeky smirk of his. He didn’t even have to say anything and he proved his point.” Sasha wrapped his hands around Cassidy’s and then brought it up to kiss her fingers. “Trust your heart, Cas. Your head’s always going to get in the way and try to fuck you over. Take care of him, talk to him, just… be with him, okay? A lot of stuff will just work itself out if you do. Take each minute as it comes. That’s the only secret Jus and I have to any of this. I need to go crash because I’m getting a headache and I want to be there when Jus wakes up. You should get some rest, even if it’s just lying down. Shoot me a text if you need anything, okay?”
Cassidy smiled and her breath left her in a relieved rush. She wrapped Sasha in a hug and rubbed his back.”Thank you for being one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever met. And thank you for listening and helping. I just didn’t ever want you to think I wasn’t worthy of him. I know he’s special to you, just like Andi and the rest of her family are. I have feelings for him too and it means the world that you trust me with this.”
Sasha stood and leaned over to kiss her cheek. “Remember, ply him with fluids and don’t squeeze too tight when you hug him while his ribs are sore. I’d wish you luck, but you don’t need it. You’ve got this, love. Promise.” He gave her a little wave over his shoulder when he left the room, not doubting his word for a minute.
LOG, COMPLETE